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Hope Leaves: Reviews; :)
Topic Started: 7th August 2010 - 01:15 AM (1,173 Views)
peggs9
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Ok i saw that other people did this. Because my story is long i think it's best i do it this way, it might get confusing having reviews with the story if anyone wishes to review (:D :D :D Please do :D)

I don't mind what you say really, but i do need advice. I haven't really had any critique or suggestions for Hope leaves, and i wonder about certain things like if it makes sense because there is a few subplots, if the description and ideas are interestng, and if its interesting to anyone other than me and the few people who reviewed lol :P
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Ruby
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I finally found time to give this story a proper review. Now I'm not the best at writing reviews, but a review still counts, right? :) So here it goes.

For starters, I really like the little poems at the top of the chapters. It helps set the mood for what the chapter will be about and adds to the depth of the story.
This story also starts out very well and is written very well to. Vegeta's personality is done perfectly, and the way he's acting sure does make it look like he's got a problem.
The part with Bra and the Barbie doll was a nice touch, as I think it helps show the strength she has as a half-Saiyan.
The third post was outstanding! The way the decription was written about the wind blowing in the trees and such was like poetry. I could see it all in my mind as it paints such a clear picture of everything going on. It really helps draw a person into the story as it's all so very well written and done in such good detail.
Can't wait to read the next part! ^_^
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peggs9
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Thankyou heaps for the feed back, it's very helpful :) I'm glad you like the descriptions as i put a lot of work into those. I love long walks and nature and such, so i like to describe it in my stories. I'm glad you thought Vegeta was in character too, because that was one of the things i was worried about getting wrong.
Thanks again ^_^
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Ruby
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Hi there, peggs. I just finished reading your latest update.

I never stopped to say this before but you are such a good writer. Better than I am, in fact. I thought my writing had improved over the years, but I see it's nothing compaired to yours.

I like how Vegeta sees and thinks about the humans in the last post, and how they're always going nuts with their rules of society and conformity. Leave it to a Saiyan to be the only one to notice what we humans are doing wrong. I think I agree with his thoughts on our kind. And that is so like Vegeta to think that way. You don't have to worry about getting his character right. You've done a perfect job.

Also, it's been a while since I last read this story over at FF.Net, so I forgot the part about the Star Army for just a moment (I was too busy focusing on Vegeta). You'll probably be surprised to know that Rian forms a team in my fic called the Star Fighters. So here we go again, reading into each other's minds with similar ideas. :P Oh well.

Okay then, guess that's all for now. Be sure to post more of this here soon. :)
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peggs9
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awww thank you Ruby i appreciate the complement. to your credit though i wouldn't say my writing is better overall its just got different strengths. Your action and adventure scenes are definitely better, it always feels like your in the moment with the characters.

i sought of have similar veiws about society and its conformity bullshit, and i wrote about it because like you i felt that Vegeta would see it that way, with how different his race was to the humans, and how he often says that humans are fools who have too many petty concerns.

once again thnks for the encouragement and glad you're enjoying it :)
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Ruby
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Hmm...we each have different strengths. You know, you're right. But I'm such a perfectionist I always feel like my fics could use improvement. Thanks for saying my action/adventure scenes are good. I actually thought that writing fighting scenes was my weakest point.

Anyhow I'm still reading and enjoying your story. That dream Vegeta had was dark and very well written. I could just see him in my mind being pulled down by some evil creature in the water. The fine detail to the dream is great. That's what helps me see it in my mind while reading.
Vegeta's dream makes me think that he's being suffocated and overwhelmed by his stress and troubles at home as well as those from his past, and that he is at risk for being consumed by them. That's the feeling I get.
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peggs9
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i think everyone can always use improvement in their writing, but it never hurts to be proud of your strengths.

"Vegeta's dream makes me think that he's being suffocated and overwhelmed by his stress and troubles at home as well as those from his past, and that he is at risk for being consumed by them."


yes well if that's the feeling you get then i am achieving what i set out to achieve so far. That's what's happening to him basically, all the memories and distressing emotions he is constantly trying to supress and avoid are gradually consuming him. he is becoming less and less able to fight them off. I've studied that aspect of memory, dissociation and suppression at uni, it's very interesting and in a way, creepy.
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Ruby
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Wow. I still think you have some better writing skills than I do. I just finished reading Vegeta's flashback to his first mission, and it was done in such realistic and accurate detail that I could see it being an actual DBZ episode. I wouldn't of thought about adding such well written detail like the details on how they were burning alive, and all the moments with the blood as Vegeta killed that woman, and how she felt as she died. That was very well done. You're doing a really,really good job. :)

It was also fun to see Jeice along for the mission. Sounds like he had a good time! ;) Though I feel sorry for that poor woman they drug off with them.
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peggs9
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i really thought hard about that scene. i always wondered about the process by which Vegeta became a killer and what that is like for a child so long. the psychology of it interests me. it is pretty sad about what happens in war and the crimes committed against people to further political ends.

its weird cause jeice is kind of a mentor to vegeta in this story even though he's abusive and such. it seems like i make him out to be really evil but he's more just messed up like everyone else on frieza's ship
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Ruby
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Hi peggs. :)
I just read your last update. Now it's my turn to say this-poor Vegeta. He just never gets a break in this story. Always getting sick or something. You just love to torture him, don't you peggs? :goku:

I swear between the two of us poor Vegeta doesn't stand a chance. You sure he didn't come down with something from my story then drag it over to yours? :lol:
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peggs9
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hehehe. you're right, he doesn't get a break in my story much at all. he may eventually, if i'm feeling generous ;). this problem he has is actually something very different from an illness as you will find out, but i wont give too much away.
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Ruby
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Okay, there was lots of stuff I really liked about the last update.

First off and once again, the amount of detail you use in your story is incredible. The description of Vegeta's room and the ship is perfect. It really helps bring the story to life and make it more realistic. I tried to briefly describe Vegeta's room in one of my fics once, and it wasn't nearly as good as yours. Probably because my inner Vegeta fangirl made me bend things a little to give him more space and luxuary then he would really have in real life.

Second, I loved how Vegeta's thinking Dodoria looks like he drown then came back waterlogged. :goku: That was super funny and made me laugh. I also like how Vegeta had to ask if Zarbon is a man or a woman. I wonder the same thing myself at times. Maybe Zarbon's one of those she-males, y'know? ;) And Zarbon's response to Vegeta's question was true to his/her character (notice I said his/her :lol: )

And I see Jeice is coming into the story more now! Oh boy! I just know this is going to be good. Though I'm a bit surprised at them being together in the same room. With Ginu's being higher ups right below Freeza, I always thought they'd have a place all their own. But if that was the case, then we wouldn't have the fun of enjoying them both together, would we? :D
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peggs9
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I'm glad you're enjoying all the detail in the story, i work hard on that stuff :)

i think that when they're on the home planet (Frieza's planet or whatever it is) they'd probably have seperate rooms, and much bigger rooms as well, with all the luxuries and stuff. however, i saw frieza's ship on the show and how many people were on it, and i thought , wow thats small. must be cramped as trying to fit everyone in there. i guess the smaller size makes the ship faster. an yeah, i just wanted vegeta an jeice together.

and zarbon, God he amuses me to no end. so vain and comically gay with the tiara... i like how he has pms in your story 8-D :goku: you have to watch tfs parody ruby, he's hilarious in it!
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Ruby
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Hi peggs. :) Now that I'm back, I thought I'd take the time to catch up on your fic and review it before I got back to updating mine.

For starters, Trunks needs to be chained up in his room for a month. Good lord, coke and sex! Naughty, naughty. I like that you wrote about that though, as it adds a more realistic touch to the story and makes the DBZ characters more real life. I always thought their cartoon world seemed a little too perfect, and that they needed more things like that to help bring them and their experiences to life more.

Alao, I feel like I want to slap Jeice for what he and Recoome did to my poor Vegeta. I never imagined him being so rough and evil, but it does make sense since everyone who worked for Freeza hated Saiyans. Plus the obvious fact that both he and Recoome are on something makes their behaviour more explainable. Seems Jeice likes his Fire Crusher Ball move a bit too much huh? Get it?
Interestingly enough, in later chapters in my Vegeta and Rian story I have something similar where Freeza cuts Vegeta's thighs with razor blades and licks the blood off him. Man, no wonder Vegeta is such a mess.
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peggs9
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:P i get the joke about jeice :) what i really enjoy about writing him in fics is that he is a very open ended character and you can be really creative with his personality. You can write him as a really lovable and funny like you do or as messed up and violent like i do and it still makes sense. i think the one thing he must always retain though, is his sense of humour :D 8-D the episodes with him in it crack me up :P
i'm planning to explain a bit more about him as the fic goes on to try and show that even though he does a lot of terrible things he isn't all bad and has some reasons. kind of like Vegeta i guess

i'm glad you liked the bit about trunks too. i always thought he'd be way more of a trouble maker in the normal timeline, because not only did he not have the androids breathing down his neck, but Vegeta raised him as well ^_^
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Ruby
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I'm seriously beginning to wonder why no one else has reviewed this fic yet. This has got to be one of the best Vegeta fics ever written.

Okay, now for my latest review. :)
Jeice sure wasn't happy the next day after his little incident nearly burning his arm off. Ouch. Looks like he's got a problem with whatever he's on. Poor Jeice. And you're right, Jeice's character really can be done in different ways. It's always interesting to see how others write about him. ^_^

I loved the two guys at the hospital commenting on Vegeta with the one dude saying 'he's trippin balls'. lol I could just see that. Poor Vegeta, having to deal with earthlings like that. It seems true to life that he'd come across someone like that, and it makes the story more realistic to have Vegeta around people like that. If Vegeta really lived in our world that's exactly how it would be.

It's also interesting to see Vegeta in a hospital and how he deals with the goings on there. I have a feeling he's not going to like being kept in there too long.
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peggs9
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yes, jeice has got some serious issues in this fic. i'll be going into all that more and explaining his history and stuff as the story goes on

do you really think this is one of the best vegeta fics ever written? really? I'm glad you like it so much and take the time to review it. everytime i put up a new chapter on ff.net and these other two sites i put it on, i get the idea that hardly anyone likes it, cause i've only had you and maybe five other people comment on it. there does seem to be the same amount of people coming back to view it every time i post a chapter, but no one reviews. i think for the 7 chapters i posted on fanfiction.net i had like... 11 reviews lol. and 5 were from the same person.
its really good that a couple people like it though. thats what makes me keep going with it ^_^
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Ruby
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Yes peggs, this really is one of the best Vegeta fics I've ever read. I've read dozens maybe a hundred Vegeta stories in my lifetime, and only very few of them stand out in my mind as the best. Actually there are only two or three that are my favorites, and this is one of them.

The amount of detail and decription you use is wonderful, and the quality of your writing is superb. Reading this is like reading a published book by a professional author. That's the feeling I get. It's like buying something in a store and sitting down for a good read. And very few fanfiction writers have that skill. Having that skill is what makes a story stand out and draws people in then keeps them coming back for more.
I think the only reason few people read/review your story is because FF.Net is littered with BulmaxVegeta romance fics. Your story isn't bad or anything, it just doesn't fit in with what everyone else wants, which really isn't fair to you just because it's different.
I also enjoy the storyline and the plot. It's always interesting to read a fic that delves into Vegeta's childhood and what might of happened to him at that age. You write about that far better then the others, giving the story great detail and making it seem very realistic. It's so real and well written that I could really see this happening to him. It's very well done.

Anyhow I've finally got around to reading the latest update. This is getting really deep and far out. It's almost hard to figure out what's real and what's not. Is that doctor some sort of an illusion or something? He just vanished in thin air! I'm also not sure if that doctor is really good anymore. Something is beginning to seem fishy about him. It's all so mysterious.

Poor Vegeta also seems to be going through hell right now. Oh I hope those guys who've got him tied up don't hurt him too badly! It's almost like they're going to use him as some kind of science experiment or something. Poor Vegeta, being treated like a lab monkey!
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peggs9
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yes, it is ll quite mysterious *evil grin* you shall find out whether the doctor is good or bad, real or not, all in good time. the whole effect of everything feeling partially like a dream and partially like reality is there to draw the reader into the story and make them feel like vegeta is feeling. im glad you like my writing style and find it relly professional, that's very flattering! i often worry about the style of my writing, like wondering if there is too much internalised stuff and not enough action, therefore making it boring or confusing. i probably should just stop worrying about it and the general lack of response to the story. i have you and a few others give me feedback and that always makes me very happy ^_^ . another positive thing is that i seem to get the same amount of people veiw every time i post a chapter. so at least i know they're reading it

you know if there was a little more variety on fanfiction.net i might actually read fics on their sometimes. even chibi vegeta fics SOMEHOW MANAGE TO INSERT BULMA AND BECOME B/V! seriously, she's like, a saiyan, or she gets kidnapped ands sent to his planet as a child and ARRG! why must there be so many of the same type of fics when there are so many other things to write about?
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Ruby
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Whoa... That was one freaky out of body experience that Vegeta just had! Um, I'm guessing that the other half might be who he was before he hid away that part of himself because he was hurt by Freeza, right? It's like Kami splitting apart from Piccolo with a new being formed from different emotions and memories, only this time with Vegeta instead.

This is briliant! I can't believe no one ever thought of something like this before (they were probably too busy working on those damn B/V fics). I can't wait to see what happens next.
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