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| New Story; What do you think | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 9 2005, 12:10 PM (260 Views) | |
| Slim_Joules | Jan 9 2005, 12:10 PM Post #1 |
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Brackenwood Member
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"We stand here Dark Lord with this offering to please you" says a woman in a hood. "I offer my soul and the souls of my brethrin" says another "We offer the life and essence of the we will kill "adds the next and the forth taking a dagger with a snake and an eagle on the blade and just as the dagger hit the young girls chest John is shaken awake by his mother "Come on get up you've got to go to college." Anyway i am writing a sort of story and i want to know if this is a good intro in the book |
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| Abomination | Jan 9 2005, 01:11 PM Post #2 |
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Brackenwood Monstrosity
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bretheren, those we kill, "adds the next and the forth taking a dagger with a snake and an eagle on the blade and just as the dagger hit the young girls chest John is shaken awake by his mother" is incoherent, rephrase that. The ending lets the story start, so it's ok as an intro. But be careful on your sentences, and read what you've just written instead of adding and adding. <_< Anyways, looking forward towards your story ! :lol: |
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| Slim_Joules | Jan 9 2005, 01:20 PM Post #3 |
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Brackenwood Member
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sorry to sound stupid but what does that mean |
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| Abomination | Jan 9 2005, 01:30 PM Post #4 |
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Brackenwood Monstrosity
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Coherence means your ideas are clear and well structured, simplified and/or easy to understand by your readers. Incoherence then means your ideas are not understanble in the way they are presented. bad EX: U cAN call me FAnboy59 and i m the L337 tendo fan!!!!111 Btw, U suxorz !!!11 = incoherent good EX: My name is Fanboy59, and I am a great nintendo fan! By the way, I don't like you. =coherent, or understanble (yet very annoying ). |
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| Slim_Joules | Jan 9 2005, 01:46 PM Post #5 |
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Brackenwood Member
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oh i get you it is supposed to be like that you slowly through the story start to understand what this bit was all about but thank you for telling me i will keep that in mind |
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| shazwoogle | Jan 12 2005, 12:30 PM Post #6 |
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Brackenwood Newbie
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hello, im a flash animator and reading that story got me think about how/if it could be made into a flash movie and i was woundering if i could use it to make a movie? any way.. e-mail me if i cant Shazwoogle shazwoogle@gmail.com |
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| Slim_Joules | Sep 9 2006, 10:10 AM Post #7 |
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Brackenwood Member
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been a long time but i have been working on my book between college work and my gf but i am about half way through but as son as i have finished and copyrighted it i will put a temporary pdf of the book for anyone who wants to read it |
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4:51 AM Jul 12