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| Read My Story Plz!; I want your opinions and suggestions | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jun 24 2005, 05:38 PM (728 Views) | |
| Shrike | Jun 24 2005, 05:38 PM Post #1 |
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The Spikeadelic One
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Ok this is a clip from a story I'm writing, I hope its a good one cuz it has the best dialogue in the whole story so far. Read it and post your opinions, I want to hear em! I think I attached the file right, Im still not sure how to use every feature of the forum. |
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| Master Rade | Jun 25 2005, 02:23 AM Post #2 |
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The Sexy Latino Supremeo
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I red for a little while. Its very good. Yet its missing something. Needs more action. To much talking. I would enjoy seeing the whole version of it. |
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| Ignia | Jun 25 2005, 11:16 AM Post #3 |
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Lady of Roman Fire
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Rade! Ye of little patience! I read the WHOLE thing, and there was plenty of action. K, here's my openion: Always tell the reader who is speaking, not everyone is as inteligent as you would hope ergo it gets hard to follow when nameless dialogue runs for more than two exchanges. It might not have worked in the excerp because we were barely introduced to the caracters; in the real thing I'm sure it's more understandable, but consider it anyway. Your imagry is wonderful! Esp "gory crucifix" and "blood oozing". I would have enjoyed more similies/ metaphores (but I'm a Homer and Virgil fan so take it or leave it). For example, when Tobias rose to his "full height which was formitable", I was a little dishartened. I thought that phrase took away from the menacing emotion that should have accompanied it. Try comparing him to something that strikes fear into the reader! Compare him to a bear rearing above his victim, or a great wall of blackness stretching down with a murderous gaze. And as a positive last note, your vocabulary is excelent! I saw your birthdate posted on that thread, and your skills are far beyond what some might expect. Keep up the good (and fully enjoyable) work! Maybe I'll post a snipit of my book and YOU can rip MINE apart!
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| Master Rade | Jun 25 2005, 11:20 AM Post #4 |
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The Sexy Latino Supremeo
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It was good but i rather see some Pictures. Iam just not into to those very long novels, it was a good story dont get me wrong. You put a lot of work into it. I cant measure up to you. My grammer sucks. |
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| Sigfried | Jun 25 2005, 12:17 PM Post #5 |
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Objection!!!
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cant open the file |
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| Ignia | Jun 25 2005, 01:05 PM Post #6 |
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Lady of Roman Fire
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BWAHAHAHAHA!!! I saw you had posted last, Siggy, and decided to check out what you posted, assuming you had said something incredibly inciteful! |
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| Sigfried | Jun 25 2005, 01:20 PM Post #7 |
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Objection!!!
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i could, if i can open the file <_< |
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| Master Rade | Jun 25 2005, 01:23 PM Post #8 |
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The Sexy Latino Supremeo
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Dont press the save button just the opean button when it pops up. |
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| Shrike | Jun 25 2005, 03:12 PM Post #9 |
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The Spikeadelic One
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Yeah, the only reason I didnt post the whole thing was that its 28 pages long and still not finished...if Rade cant even read 4 pages I dont think many other people would. But THANK YOUUUUUU so much for the feedback, thats exactly what I was hoping for. But if anyone really wants to read the entire thing, I would be happy to post it, or email it to them. Beware though, it might cut off randomly in the middle of a sentence. Siggy, I dont know what to tell ya, I dont know how most of the mechanics of this site works. Anyone else who wants to post their own little brainchilds, feel free, we could start a whole fiction thread here. Ive read your profiles, and Ive seen writing on a fair few of em. Dont be shy! Man its cold in here, but Im too lazy to close my window... |
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| mystical-mongoose | Jul 2 2005, 11:43 AM Post #10 |
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Eggy Toast
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For Sigfried: Caladu stood once again on guard for night duty. Tobias had taken over almost complete command of Darvidan’s guard battalion, which disturbed Caladu greatly; he had seen no written orders or permission, or even heard spoken permission from Ianua – Tobias had walked in and taken charge. One part of Caladu said, who does that outlander think he is?, while another part was not sure what to say. The outlander materialized suddenly out of the darkness. Caladu tensed involuntarily – he had not heard Tobias’ boots on the wooden walkway. Nor do I hear them now, he realized as Tobias approached him. The man makes no sound when he moves. “Don’t give in to nervousness,” Tobias said when he was standing next to Caladu. “It lessens your awareness and spreads to the men around you.” “I’m not nervous,” Caladu lied. “Then you’re a fool.” “Doesn’t that contradict what you just said?” “No.” “What? You make no sense, outlander.” Tobias’ eyes seemed to bore holes through Caladu’s skull. “Weren’t you listening? I said don’t let fear rule you. Fear is a blade that can be turned on either your opponent or yourself. Stab yourself with it, and all your courage will pour out of you like the blood from a wound. The strong use fear the same way the weak are used by it.” Tobias fell silent, staring at the blackness of the forest. Caladu sensed that he was a man of few words. He heard the sound of boots on the walkway, and turned to see Dailesca and Cidua approaching. “So, the gang’s all here, I see,” said Dailesca as he joined Tobias in leaning on the rampart. “How goes it, soldier?” he said to Tobias, who answered by flicking his eye towards him and then back to the forest. “I gather the beastie has not deigned to drop by yet tonight. Rather rude, don’t you think, to make us miss a night’s sleep on his account? Almost as if he considers us not worth eating alive.” “He will eat you alive if you spend as much time watching for him as you do talking,” Tobias replied, not taking his eyes off the forest. “And then will he invite you to an after dinner drink?” Dailesca leered, refusing to be suppressed. “I think not. Manners are an institution of man, not of beast.” “As is false joviality.” “Ha! I knew a sharp and witty tongue lay behind that stony glare of yours, my friend, I had only to draw it out.” “And will you draw a sword or a noose around your neck when he comes for you?” “Spirits alive, what a morbid mind our fine friend has.” Dailesca turned to Cidua, who was copying Tobias and searching the darkness for movement. “You, sir, seem most engaged, but for what purpose, I cannot fathom.” “By the Night Shepherd’s crook, Dailesca, would you shut up for once?” Cidua was fidgety, waxing his bowstring and counting his arrows. “As for fathoming, I can’t fathom how you can keep so lighthearted about all this mess.” “He can’t,” grunted Tobias. “He’s scared, just like the rest of you. I’ll forgive his jesting once I see how well he can fight.” Dailesca became serious. “Really, do you think the thing will show up tonight? We can’t afford to lose very many more men before their morale breaks completely.” “It will. Are you ready?” “No.” “Of course not. But that’s only expected. It will come tonight, but I do not think we will kill it.” “No?” Caladu was surprised. “Isn’t that why you’re here?” “Yes.” Tobias stroked his chin. “Do you believe in fate, Calaipedu?” “Maybe. I never really thought about it before.” “You should.” “Is that all you’re going to say?” “If I feel like it, yes.” In his mind Caladu imagined himself pounding his head against solid rock. “And what do you think of fate, outlander?” he said, deliberately avoiding Tobias’ name. I’ll teach you to call me by my clan, you bastard, he thought. As if my name wasn’t important enough to say out loud. “I am ruled by it. Bits and pieces, snippets of the future, you might say. I know I will plunge my sword into that creature’s gut and watch the life bleed slowly out of it, but I know it won’t be tonight.” “Okay…” Dailesca trailed off, doubting not for the first time the man’s sanity. “And what does the spirit talker think of his unique outlook on life?” “It can be useful. You know when people aren’t worth wasting time on, because they’ll be dead in the next few days anyway. Like that poor bastard over there,” he pointed to one of the guardsmen surreptitiously listening to their conversation. “He won’t live past tonight,” he said, deliberately making himself clearly audible to the guardsman. The man started and suddenly found the darkness in the other direction to be much more interesting. A twig cracked in the night. Caladu felt an electric tingle run the length of his spine and back. “You feel it too, guardsman?” Tobias stepped back from the wall and drew both of his swords with a loud whisp. Caladu sank into a fighting crouch. He was dimly aware of Dailesca and Cidua shouting the alarm, as he searched the darkness for movement. For a minute there was nothing. “It’s on the ground!” he heard someone shriek, and looked. Sure enough, a hulking black shape was already halfway to the wall. Caladu cursed himself for an idiot – he had spent too much time searching the sky and the trees, expecting it to leap. Smart sonofabitch. Bowstrings sang, and arrows arced from the walls to pepper the ground all around the rushing dark shadow. Many thudded into the beast’s back and shoulders but, as Caladu half expected, did not slow the monster a beat. Coring broadheads don’t stop it, he mused, spirit wards don’t stop it, so where does that leave us? The beast grasped the rampart to heave itself onto the walkway, and instantly Tobias was there, cleaving through the monster’s wrist with a single-handed slash. Blood flew through the air as the spattered blade completed its arc, and the beast fell to the ground screaming. It jumped, clearing the rampart by five feet, and landed with a crunch. Which was, Caladu realized with a lurch of the stomach, the sound of the doomed guardsman’s skull popping as the monster’s full weight landed on it. Tobias threw one of his swords in a silver blur that buried itself in the beast’s chest, and followed up with a two-handed swing that would have taken off its head if the monster had not caught it. Caught it? Caladu wondered as he ran to assist the lone man. Nothing moves that fast. Then again, he realized, he would not marvel at the beast’s speed if it were not necessary for it to match Tobias’. What kind of a man is this? The beast rammed the severed stump of its hand into Tobias’ stomach. Gore splashed over Tobias’ face and chest as he flew backwards. Coat and chainmail flapping, Tobias flipped in the air and landed with a stagger. Caladu threw his spear and caught the beast in the shoulder, slowing it down enough for Tobias to recover his balance. Both of the man’s swords were lost, one sticking obscenely out of the monster’s chest like a gory crucifix and the other lying on the walkway between man and beast. He sank into a crouch, hands held out before him like a prizefighter, and awaited the beast’s next move. “Tescheu!” rang out across the rampart. Who around here knows Vetchiic rune-tongue, he thought absently, still running towards the beast. He staggered back abruptly as something passed through the air above him and the beast burst into flame, screeching. Tobias was engulfed in the blaze briefly before he whirled and leaped back, snatching up his sword as he did so. The blood on his face blackened and evaporated in the intense heat. He shouted something at the screaming beast, but the words were lost in the chilling wail. Still screaming, the beast leaped over the wall and ran back into the forest, a living firebrand. Small bushes crackled in its wake, but extinguished themselves quickly. An unearthly silence hung over the wall in the beast’s sudden absence. Only then did Caladu have the presence of mind to look back at Cresca the sorcerer, who had shouted the word of command. An open wound marred the sorcerer’s otherwise spotless clothing, spotless save for the blood oozing from the wound. The spirit talker’s right hand lay on the rampart to support him, and the other still rested on the hilt of the dagger with which he had gutted himself. As Caladu stared, the sorcerer gasped and slumped to the walkway. Caladu rushed over to the fallen man, but Tobias got there first. He knelt next to the dying man and supported his head on his lap. Caladu arrived, with Dailesca and Cidua behind him. “What did you do to yourself, you poor fool?” he asked the sorcerer. “Elemental magic,” Tobias replied gruffly. “Powerful, but requires a high price in blood. Usually you’d use a sacrificial victim, but you didn’t happen to have one,” he said to Cresca, who smiled weakly. “Only way to save you poor fools…don’t know when to…give up.” He tried to hoist himself up on one elbow, but failed. “Never done a blood spell before…I didn’t realize how much I needed to give. But listen to me…I know what you are fighting. Didn’t want…to believe it…” He trailed off and coughed violently, speckling his shirtfront with red. “I know now…all the proof I needed, right before my eyes…” he went limp. “Oh, that’s just fornicating nice!” Dailesca exclaimed. “Couldn’t the powers that be have given him two more seconds!” “You could show a little more respect, jester,” Tobias grated, eyeing Dailesca balefully. He began to rise and hoist the corpse up by its shoulders, smearing himself with the dead sorcerer’s gut-blood. “And then what?” Dailesca demanded. “We were this close, man!” He held his thumb and forefinger a fraction of an inch apart. “This fornicating close to knowing something, and now we’re back to square one, and with blood everywhere to boot! I’m fornicating sick of it, man!” Tobias dropped the dead body he was carrying and rose up to his full height, which was formidable. “Stop acting like a petulant child. Is there a brain in there anywhere, or am I wasting my time with you? Shut up and think for once. There is blood anywhere, true. What does that tell you about the nature of the creature?” Dailesca stood silent, not getting it. Caladu thought hard for a moment, and had almost reached the right conclusion when Tobias’ patience ran out. “Shepherd’s black crook, don’t tell me you don’t live in a town full of hunters. What do they teach you here, anyway?” Dailesca brightened suddenly. Tobias nodded. “The jester has a brain after all. Orcs bleed black, men bleed red, and swordbeasts bleed green. What color do we have here? Red. What does that tell you? It’s a man.” He held up his bloodstained hand for emphasis. Caladu blinked. “Not even a blind-drunk whore could mistake that thing for a paying customer,” he said finally, shaking his head. “There is no way.” He did not like the stare Tobias gave him. “You’d be surprised. No wonder you people need help. You live right next to a forest full of loquaipedar and a fair few loqualesta, even! And you have no notion of the spirit world at all. Your nearest spirit talker lived fifty miles away! How does your town even remain standing?” “Hey now,” Cidua broke in. “You’d see things differently if you saw what happened to the last poor bastard who set foot in those woods. They nailed him to tree, in sight of the town, and the strongest man in Darvidan couldn’t pry the nails out with a crowbar. That is what we live in fear of. Would you do any different?” Tobias was not moved. “You’re talking to the wrong man, Calaipedu. You fear the spirits for the wrong reasons. Tomorrow we hunt that creature. We’re going in.” |
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| Sigfried | Jul 2 2005, 12:09 PM Post #11 |
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Objection!!!
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looks good i liked it, but a few details: -try to order more the text, not so close between paragraphs, use double space -be more descriptive in short lenght scenes, like a better description from the beast and such - make a prologue, so we can understand the context of the story but in overall, its pretty good
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| Sephiroth | Jul 2 2005, 01:49 PM Post #12 |
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yo mamma's daddy!!
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yeah I read the whole thing! GREEAT writing. i've tried to write many books before, and I just suck at writing, this keeps you intristed. all the way through! a few sugestions tho. 1- sometimes the characters say words like "man", or "sonofabitch" well.. I can't bring up many others, but more modern words.. this is set like with swords and all that, mabie you should try to make more olden words, just a thought it leaves the reader confused as to when this takes place a bit. 2. you over-used fornicate a bit. cut down on that LOL, I doubt they said that back then, but then again what do I know. 3. spend some time discribing the characters.. mabie you do that later on i dont know, but please eventually do it, I've no idea what they look like. overall goooood story, keep going. and sugestion.. find someone who can draw, and mabie get some illistrations, if you go for it this will easily get published! -Nick |
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| Shrike | Jul 3 2005, 11:59 AM Post #13 |
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The Spikeadelic One
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Whoohoo! Back from a week of Boy Scout camp, and I am PUMPED!!! Haha I probably have a lot of catching up to do...got some hilarious stories to post, if anyones interested in hearing about me falling down the side of a huge rock in the dark. Your probably right about the fornicating Sephiroth, I would much rather have used the F word but I doubt they said that back then too. Fornicating was the best I could come up with. Man I really should post the entire thing, I think that would clear up a lot of confusion. Be prepared though, its 28 pages long and still maybe only three quarters finished. As for illustrations, I have a great one of Caladu but its on paper and I have no scanner. Summary of the story: There is this little town in the foothills of a huge mountain range. All around it is a big forest that is inhabited by elemental spirits and ghosts and such, who really dont like people walking around in their turf, so the people have an attitude of fearful respect towards these woods. Then they are attacked by a monster who is not affected by weapons, and they have no sorceror, so they cant kill it by themselves. They send for the nearest sorceror, who weaves a spirit ward into the town wall, but the beast breaks the ward and kills more people. Then they send for help from their lord, and a stranger arrives (this is Tobias). He is frighteningly good at fighting, and for the first time drives the beast away, and then leads an expedition into the woods to hunt down the beast and kill it. They stalk the beast, battle it, have some run-ins with the spirits, and finally kill the beast and learn its deadly secret... BUM BUM BUM!!! Cast of characters: Caladu - the main character of the story. Caladu is a pretty average guy, a guardsman in the service of his clan lord. He is the normal guy with whom all the other characters are contrasted. Dailesca - Caladu's best friend and fellow guardsman. Dailesca is the joker and the fool, with an irrepressable sense of humor that often gets him in trouble with the people around him, especially Tobias. Daxarch - Another of Caladu's guardsman friends, not a very important character. Cidua - Same as Daxarch Tobias - A mysterious outlander, sent by an unknown figure to help the inhabitants of the town. Tobias is the hardass of the story; he is way better at fighting than anyone else, and he knows it, so he tends to look down his nose at Caladu and the other guardsmen. His harsh manner tends to put him at odds with Dailesca. I actually cant post the whole thing because it is too big, 107 KB, but I could email it to anyone who is interested. |
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| Sigfried | Jul 3 2005, 03:01 PM Post #14 |
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Objection!!!
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good background, reminds me the movie the village a little bit
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| Shrike | Jul 6 2005, 03:57 PM Post #15 |
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The Spikeadelic One
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Insane boredom + refusal to sleep = genius! Here's another installment: Sometime during the night Caladu awoke. At first he heard nothing except the ambient whisper of millions of pine needles rustling together, and was annoyed. He glanced around, wondering what had awakened him. He saw Tobias’ hulking shadow against a slender beam of moonlight, and on an impulse rose quietly and sat down beside him. “What troubles you, Calaipedu?” the taller man murmured, not taking his eyes off the infinitesimal speck of black nothingness that held his attention. “The fact that you know my name yet refuse to use it, for one,” Caladu replied, settling onto the mat of dry needles that carpeted the forest floor. “Second, I don’t know. What troubles you, that you don’t sleep? I feel like a babe in its cradle here.” Tobias blew air through his nose, which Caladu wasn’t sure whether to interpret as laughter or a hiss of annoyance. “I have not slept in many a night, soldier. Do you know what goes on in the world beyond Darvidan?” Caladu shrugged. He had never been outside of his birthplace except on a brief garrison duty in Roascai, during one of the Calaipedu clan’s many skirmishes with the Monuerdi to the north. Tobias nodded at his silence. “Then I doubt you have much experience with the horrors of war.” “I am a guardsman!” Caladu replied with indignation. “I was at the siege of Roascai three years ago, when the Monuerdi almost broke us once and for all.” “I’m not talking about clan skirmishes. I mean when tens of thousands of men line up in a great big open space and run at each other, and continue to kill each other until the omniscient nobles commanding them decide that the bloodbath has gone on long enough, and one group turns tail and runs, and the other group proceeds to slaughter them from behind until every last one of them is dead and rotting on the ground, with no one but the crows for company.” Caladu remained silent, not sure what to say. Tobias shifted slightly. “It tends to put men off sleep for a while.” “So you lived through that?” Caladu said finally. “Frankly, I’m not surprised, having seen you fight with the monster. You’re a killing machine.” Tobias chuckled mirthlessly. “I’m nothing but a fraud, Calaipedu. Sooner or later you’ll see how. Go back to sleep, we have a long ways to go tomorrow.” Caladu rose, but as he did so he heard a faint fluting echoing through the forest. “The spirits sing,” he whispered. “The Daiesce Sul!” “I doubt it,” Tobias replied. He was silent for a few seconds, and Caladu almost went back to his bedroll. Then the man said reverently, “There are few things that bring a man peace in this earth.” Caladu knew that he meant the ghost music floating between the great trunks standing silently around them. Pale light winked far off between the gargantuan trunks, playful and teasing. More flutes joined the first, in a melody no less haunting than before. Caladu felt an electric tingle run across his skin. Tobias showed no sign of noticing. Pine needles rustled up above in the canopy and a twig cracked. Caladu spun, realizing too late that he had no weapons at hand. Tobias rose and whirled in one smooth movement, longknives appearing in his hands. The other sleeping men stirred, woken by the sound of whisping metal. Caladu looked up at the limited amount of sky he was able to see, and a dark shape flitted across the stars. His adrenaline surged for a moment, and then he realized how small it had been. “It’s nothing,” he said. “Just an owl.” “Ai, the rochhyn reveals himself?” Dailesca said, yawning. “A good sign. And you, sir,” he said, turning to Tobias with mock severity. “Kindly keep those darning needles in their knitting baskets where they can’t do any harm. A man needs his sleep, you know.” “Any more jesting from you and I will make your sleep permanent,” Tobias promised, but he sheathed his knives, confident that there was no danger. Dailesca flopped back down onto his bedroll and fell instantly asleep. Cidua and Daxarch, suddenly aware of the dark forest all around them and the spirits dancing to their otherworldly melodies, gathered apprehensively around Caladu and Tobias. “Have you seen the Daiesce Sul?” Daxarch asked. “Likely not,” Tobias replied, still probing the darkness for movement. “If he watches us, he does not show himself.” “But the spirits dance all around us,” Caladu added. “Over there,” he pointed to where he had first seen the winking lights, “and over there, and likely everywhere in these woods.” “Then they have not seen us?” Cidua asked hopefully. “Don’t be a fool, of course they have. Don’t you think the dead can tell themselves from the living?” Tobias pointed to all the trees around them. “I’ll bet my life every one of these trees has a curious loquaipedar watching us. They have not shown themselves, which could be good or bad.” “It’s the way of a hunter,” Daxarch said. “Don’t say that,” Tobias hissed. “You’ll make the others afraid. Shepherd’s black crook, stop acting like a bunch of village virgins and have some spine. The loqualestar will judge you the same way you judge them. Show them fear, and they will give you fear. Now, sleep. You all need it more than I do.” ~ Caladu was roughly shaken awake by Tobias the next morning. He rubbed his eyes, yawned, and rose partially before looking at the sky. “Darkness King’s balls, the sun’s not even up yet!” “Not early risers in your village, eh?” “At least the sky has begun to lighten when we rise, rochhyn! I can still see the stars. And what are you calling a village? Darvidan is bigger than that!” Tobias rose from shaking Dailesca. “You’re right, normally I’d have given you a another hour, but we have to move. We’re not safe here anymore.” “Have you heard the beast?” Caladu hastily threw on a fresh shirt and buckled on his belt and leather vest. “How do you know?” “I haven’t heard anything. But the atmosphere of this place is changed. Do you feel it?” Caladu concentrated, and immediately noticed a difference. The darkness beneath the pines was closed and forbidding, promising horrors to those who went inside. “How long have you felt this way?” he asked, fighting the fear in his gut. “An hour. The spirits danced after you all went back to sleep, and then they left. Not suddenly, I don’t think, but they just went away. And then I started getting bad feelings, instincts like something was stalking up behind me. Then I knew we had to move.” “Couldn’t we have gotten another hour, at least?” Cidua yawned as he awoke, looking at the dark sky. “The sun’s not even up.” “Thanks, genius, I hadn’t noticed,” Daxarch retorted sleepily. “Hey,” he said, catching Tobias’ wary vibe, “what’s going on?” “The predator has the willies,” Dailesca replied, already waking up in good spirits. “Not the best sign, considering our situation.” “Get up and shut up,” Tobias growled. “I don’t like it here. You’d understand what I mean if you’d felt this way for the last hour.” “And yet I haven’t, for which I am thankful.” Dailesca stood up shakily and stretched, then began to pack up his bedroll. Caladu did the same, casting nervous glances at the foliage that had once seemed so welcoming, and now felt stifling and threatening. Tobias had to bark at Daxarch and Cidua to hurry, they were taking so much time to watch the shadows. In ten minutes they were following the tall man away from their campsite. As the sky gradually lightened with the coming of dawn, and as they put distance between themselves and their campsite, Caladu felt the fear and dread begin to subside. The others, he noticed, felt the change as well; Dailesca walked with a straight back, purposefully, and Cidua and Daxarch no longer spent more time looking behind them than forwards. As thin beams of sunlight started to lance down through the canopy, Tobias signaled a halt. Caladu and the others gathered around him as he knelt by a patch of mud. “Another track?” Caladu whispered. Tobias nodded. “This one’s fresh,” he whispered. He rose slowly and looked around. Caladu heard nothing except the incessant song of the pine needles, but already he began imagining the thing under every bush, in every tree, hidden behind every one of the great trunks that now seemed like the bars on a prison cell. He looked back at Tobias, and the man was drawing a long cloth-wrapped package from inside his greatcoat. “What’s that?” Daxarch asked, already loosening his sword in its scabbard. Cidua had an arrow nocked to his bowstring and was silently scanning the dark woods. “Insurance,” Tobias replied. Caladu began to get a weird feeling from him, something ancient and primal and ultimately predatory. Tobias unwrapped the top of the object and Caladu realized that it was a sword. Something sparked in his memory, but he couldn’t place it right then. Survival instinct taking over, he forgot about it and returned to watching and listening. “That thing moves fast, if it’s returned to the area in just one night,” Dailesca was saying, taking practice swings with his sword. “Could that perhaps be why the spirits left last night? The beast drove them away?” “I don’t know. Something about this creature scares the hell out of the spirits, that much is clear, otherwise it would no longer be alive.” Tobias finished buckling his third sword onto his belt and cocked his crossbow. “We must find out what it is, and destroy the thing. It’s not natural.” They stood in silence for ten minutes before Tobias decided that they were not in immediate danger. “From now on, we move in silence until we see something,” he warned. “Keep your metal weapons out of the sunlight where they won’t glint and attract attention.” They continued in single file, keeping their weapons low. Caladu understood Tobias’ wisdom in keeping their blades and spearheads out of the sunlight, but he wasn’t sure if he could bring the point up in time to take a surprise charge. Not like it would slow it down much, he thought, remembering his other spearhead embedded dripping in the beast’s eye socket, but I’d like to remembered as putting up a fight before being eaten alive. I hope there’ll be enough of me left to cremate. He lost himself in dark thoughts until Daxarch let out a wild scream behind him. “Darkness damn you, you could’ve given us some warning!” Dailesca yelled back at him. “Shut up, jester, before you get us all killed!” Tobias towered over Dailesca, cowing him with a furious glare. “You!” he hissed, pointing at Daxarch. “At least tell us what you see before screaming like an Argentine virgin! What the hell was it?” “I saw a face!” Daxarch yelled, pointing to a gap between two trees about five yards away. “I was looking around, and I saw a face between those two trees!” His voice echoed through the maze of trunks. “Shut up! Shut up!” Tobias grated, grabbing Daxarch by his vest and shaking him violently. “It’s probably just a loquaipeda playing tricks on you. Shepherd’s black crook…” He ran a hand through his short hair. “Never mind saving ourselves from the creature, now we must save ourselves from ourselves.” Daxarch quieted himself, taking deep breaths. “It looked like the hunter who died last year,” he said quietly. “I only saw it for an instant, but I used to dice with him in the inn before he was killed…Raunescu, his name was. I’d recognize him anywhere.” Tobias looked back at Daxarch, taking on the predatory demeanor Caladu was beginning to recognize as a sign that the man had realized something important. “What?” he asked, thinking that Tobias might not appreciate being read so easily. “Just a thought…if your story that the spirits took his body is true, then it really is likely that some playful loquaipeda is messing with us. A little more serious is that some minor tesce has latched onto him, and can only conjure up apparitions to scare him. But then there’s the possibility…no, I need more proof before I’ll even believe it. But damn, it all fits so perfectly…” “If you’re gonna pull a Cresca dying act on us, at least show us the way outta here first,” Dailesca said, pointing a mock warning finger at Tobias. The look Tobias shot back at him communicated nothing so much as a desire to bite the offending digit off, but he made no such attempt. Instead, he put his hands on his hips and looked back at the Calaipedu guardsman. “You need to trust me. I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again now because you still won’t believe me.” “I don’t trust you because you obviously don’t trust any of us!” Dailesca said loudly, surprising Caladu. It wasn’t like his friend to call people out like this. “Trust goes both ways, outlander! And I don’t trust you because you haven’t told us who you really are.” “You know perfectly well who I am.” “No we don’t. We know what you are but not who. What have you told us about yourself? Nothing. You could be the Raven Master himself, and we wouldn’t have known it.” “Nor have any of you told me much about yourselves.” Dailesca spread his hands. “What’s to tell? We’re all simple guardsmen, and you know that. But you, my friend.” He leaned forward. “There is a lot more to you than you let on. No more excuses,” he held up a hand. “All I want is for you to tell us your story.” Tobias’ predatory demeanor suddenly seemed to Caladu as one of a trapped animal. He took a deep breath and blew it out through his nostrils, but remained silent. Caladu, his own curiosity ignited by Dailesca’s accusations, took up the attack. “There’s something you’ve been hinting at ever since you arrived, Tobias, that I think you don’t want us to know. First you say that you have ‘particular’ talents, but you won’t tell us what they are. You said last night that you’re nothing but a fraud, and that soon we’ll find out how. And then there’ve been little things that anyone might not notice, but there’s just something about you that bears watching. Do you hope that I haven’t noticed them? Because I certainly don’t know what they mean, but they just inflame my curiosity, and make me want to watch you even more.” “I don’t like being well-known. Obscurity has its advantages. The less people know, the less people get hurt for it.” Tobias stood completely still as always, but this time seeming vulnerable rather than impregnable. “There are demons in your past, I’d guess,” Cidua ventured. Tobias actually laughed out loud, startling everyone. Laughter rang and echoed off the enormous trunks surrounding them, bending and twisting into a thousand mockeries of its maker. Caladu sensed as little mirth as sanity in it. “You don’t know how right you are, Calaipedu,” the big man said finally, leaning against a tree. He lost himself in another fit of giggles, then ran a hand through his hair. Something sparked in Caladu’s mind for a moment, and then he lost it. Cursing himself for forgetting it, he tried to recapture it by going over his previous train of thought out loud. “Ok, demons, the man said. There have been little things you’ve let slip, things even you can’t cover up. For instance,” he said, gaining inspiration, “that first night that you fought the beast, and Cresca killed himself to light the beast on fire. You were caught in the blaze.” “Only for a second.” “But long enough to scorch all the beast blood off your face. And why don’t you bear any burns, or scalds? Hellfire doesn’t discriminate between blood and flesh.” Tobias smiled a tiny smile. “You’re on the right track, Calaipedu, but you’ll never reach the right conclusion.” “Maybe. And then yesterday, when you stopped by that patch of burned grass. How could you know that it was however many hours old? I think Dailesca had a good point that time.” “Like I said - ” “You know a lot about fire,” Caladu finished, cutting him off. “Just how much do you know? And another thing: you seem to know an awful lot about the spirits, spirits you’ve never seen. I know you’re no Calaipedu, and I know you’ve never been in these woods before. How do you know all those names you ticked off on your fingers?” “First hand experience?” Tobias said innocently. The man was playing with him; that much Caladu could tell from the astonishingly wide range of emotions he was displaying. “You could be right. And now you lead us straight into the lion’s den, and the spirits haven’t even shown themselves to us yet! How come we haven’t been nailed to a tree outside of town yet?” “I don’t pretend to speak for ghosts and pixies, Calaipedu. Why don’t you ask them? You know they’re listening.” Caladu held up a hand. “One more thing, and this I think I know the answer to. That third sword, that you brought out today. Insurance, you called it. I think I know what it is. It’s the Iardican runesword, isn’t it?” Dead silence followed his accusation. Daxarch’s mouth hung open, Cidua let out a breath of disbelief, and Dailesca did nothing. But Caladu saw none of this; his entire attention was Tobias, who stared him straight in the eye for over ten seconds. Then he shrugged, unbuckled his greatcoat, and drew the sword. Crimson flame enveloped him, unleashing a wave of heat that sent Caladu and his companions staggering back. Caladu, who had been standing closest to him, felt his eyebrows and the hair on his arms crisp and curl under the sudden heat. The bark on the tree that Tobias had leaned against blackened and charred in an instant, the pine needles under his feet and around his head vaporized. Bushes shriveled and disintegrated into piles of black ash. Caladu tripped over a stick and fell on his butt, staring in shock at the living torch before him. Flames poured from the sword, and from Tobias himself, his eyes, mouth, and his entire body… ...and there Writer's Block hit. Anyone know how to better describe a human bonfire? |
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| Ignia | Jul 8 2005, 04:07 AM Post #16 |
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Lady of Roman Fire
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*Grins deviously* You have no idea... This is a snippit of my novel Journey of the Euminides. The wolf apparition in it has been poisoned and quite frankly should be dead by now. She is a captive of a gang of demons whom are fighting Ave off at the moment (and kicking his butt, might I add). This hellfire she releases is just as unusual as Tobias' seems to be, but in her state she shouldn't even be able to stand... “The wolf!” A demon called. They ceased their attack, and Ave looked up. “Impossible,” Ave gasped. The apparition in wolf form had actually stumbled partway from the prison toward the door; she finally crumpled to the floor. Ave pushed himself up, spearing a demon through the throat. He shot a glance at the wolf to find a woman in the same position in which the wolf had fallen. She gasped painfully. Ave suddenly lost his concentration: the apparition’s hips were pivoted vertically, one leg draped over the other, the slit in her skirt revealing the whole of her thigh. Ave felt a heavy impact to his jaw, throwing him to the ground. He forgot about the blood on his chin because right in front of him, the apparition had pushed herself up into a sitting position. She laboriously stood, her amber eyes aflame. The wooden floor around her blackened, and spread like ripples in a pond. The black then turned to ash and grew the same. Her words came out like pants: “Have… a taste… of HELL!” She threw her arms up, and her head back; a cry of defiance erupted from her throat as copper flames erupted from her body. Ave threw his arms in front of his face and incased himself in ice to keep from being incinerated. The flames danced around the wolf-apparition in a tower of swirling plasma. She forced every drop of energy into the flames, and thus she quickly lost control. It was the maddening effect of the poison that spurred her into the insane inferno. The scorching fire whipped about, ravenously reaching out to devour everything in reach. The copper flames, cascading from her body ramed the ceiling beams from which blue flames would then leap. It charred the walls in an instant and ran across the floor like a stream of lava. The demons screamed, in a futile run for shelter. The apparition’s excruciating cry alone seemed to cause planks to ignite. Finally the river of energy ran dry. The flames dissipated from around her; her head fell back and her legs gave way. You had to ask... I just couldn't help myslef! |
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| Shrike | Jul 8 2005, 05:00 AM Post #17 |
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The Spikeadelic One
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Very cool, I like it. Nice imagery there. My guess is that each of your Eumenides has an elemental power? Ignia with her fire, and Ave with water/ice, and the other unmentioned characters as well? Im also guessing that Ave's name has some significance with what his name means in Latin, or am I jumping the gun? In the meantime, here's what I got: Flames poured from the sword, and from Tobias himself, his eyes, mouth, and his entire body. His greatcoat was awash in fire, spewing flame and smoke, but did not shrivel or burn. As Caladu watched, Tobias remained unaffected by the hellfire that engulfed him. His hair did not burn, his skin remained unblemished, and his armor did not melt. After about ten seconds Tobias sheathed the sword. The moment his fingers left the hilt the flames vanished, leaving him the same as before. “Calaipedu, you are correct.” Dailesca gasped, a loud expulsion of breath that broke the silence following Tobias’ utterance. He staggered a little closer, but not too close; all respect that he had had for the big man was now replaced by fear. Caladu didn’t know what to think. Deep down he knew that this was the same Tobias he had respected, but now he had taken on a whole new dimension of weird. Daxarch and Cidua said nothing from where they stood peeping out from behind tree trunks. “Come on.” Tobias’ command met no response. “You see?” he said, after the silence had stretched on an awkward minute or so. “This is why I tell you nothing. Because ordinary people like you can’t handle it. You asked to see, and I showed you, so you can’t blame me for your surprise.” He walked off. Motivated by a different fear, Caladu and the others sprang after him. “You still haven’t told us how – aaaargh!” Dailesca choked off as Tobias spun and grabbed him by the throat. “I’ll tell you later, if I feel like it, and no sooner, so shut up and walk!” Dailesca scampered to the back of the group when Tobias released him, massaging his throat. Caladu clapped a sympathetic hand on his shoulder as he joined him. “Anger not the swordbeast in his own den,” he quoted. “Leave him alone, friend. I don’t think he can stand being pushed any more than he already has.” “My concern is not for myself, but for the beast if we meet him,” Dailesca replied. “I fear that man like I fear the spirits, not like I fear the swordbeast. I think if he wished us to die, we would be ashes in the wind already. Strangely,” he reflected, tilting his head to the side, “I trust him more now that he has shown us this great power that he’s held back. Perhaps for our benefit more than his.” Caladu nodded. His friend was affirming his own opinion. “Forget about it for a while, Dailesca. Shut up and walk.” EDIT: The Iardican runesword was mentioned earlier in the story, in a part that I didn't post, to illustrate the capricious nature of the elemental loquaipedar versus the benign and curious nadalur spirits. The story went: there was a sorceror in the town of Iardica, who wished to bind a fire spirit to the sword so that at the sorceror's command, the spirit would unleash flames from it and burn his enemies. He almost made the spirit go along with it, but at the last second the spirit changed its mind and reversed the effect. Now whomever touched the sword would be engulfed in hellfire and burned to a crisp. But for some reason Tobias is not affected by the fire, and now has a weapon of extreme power in his hands. |
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| Sigfried | Jul 8 2005, 05:29 AM Post #18 |
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Objection!!!
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awesome, the literary area is alive again
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| Ignia | Jul 9 2005, 05:03 AM Post #19 |
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Lady of Roman Fire
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Damn you're good! Ignia means fire woman, and Ave is a corruption of avis (bird) because his animal trait is that of a cormorant. The other two main characters (this part of the story is in the first chapter so these two character have not yet been properly introduced, and Ignia's name has not been revealed) are Pike and Draca. They are twin dezeans which means they are half apparition and half demon, but as so they have demon powers instead of elemental powers. Draca is draco (snake/dragon) turned feminine. Pike was a problem child so he didn't get a Latin name. :lol: I love this! I never get to brag about my story! ......do you maybe.... wanna read.... a few pages? Maybe??? |
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| Shrike | Jul 9 2005, 07:41 AM Post #20 |
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The Spikeadelic One
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Maybe?? Jesus Christ woman, what do you think I said like 10 posts ago?
Translation: Yes, that would be great, it would make me feel less like Im just forcing my story on all a y'all. That goes for anyone else who's read this thread and wants to contribute. You gotta give a little, people! Bragging is fun I know what ya mean EDIT: If you mean pike as in the fish, why not like Ictheus or Ictheos or Icthios or something (o wait ictheus is greek I think)? Latin fish is pisces. Sorry I know its your story and you've probably given this a lot more thought than I have, but its just a suggestion. Actually Pike kinda sounds all the more cool in contrast with the other Latin related names. |
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| Ignia | Jul 9 2005, 12:25 PM Post #21 |
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Lady of Roman Fire
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Are you psychic or am I that readable? Pike's animal trait is the nurse shark, but the Romans didn't have a name for sharks just sea snakes. Pike is also the length of a spear (spear without the spear head), so I thought it was a good fighting name. It's been two or so years now since I've been calling him Pike; I couldn't change it now or in a million years! *glowing, teary eyes* Yeah... I think I should post a bit of it... Yeah! I'm gonna do it! .....er, how do I make that link thingy? Hmm, lemme see how many kb's the firt part takes up. |
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| Shrike | Jul 11 2005, 05:26 PM Post #22 |
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The Spikeadelic One
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I'm not psychic, I'm just damn skilled. But hey, its so fun to flex these literary brain muscles, I havent really had the chance to do that before (high school english = boring). By all means, keep Pike the way he is. BUM BUM BUM! O ho ho I am le Pike, I am le scarie! I know he isn't French, I dont know where I was going with that. Anyway, for those of you who have been asking after a better description of le beastie (Dammit why is everything French??), here is the latest bit of my epic tale, fully loaded with beast-ness and all that is beasty: For several more hours they followed Tobias in silence as he followed the beast’s trail. Caladu quickly lost his bearings in the labyrinthine maze of massive pine trunks, and soon gave up trying to estimate where they were in relation to where they had stopped before, where Tobias had put on his disturbing display. Something about that man’s secret has to do with the spirits, he thought to himself. But what could it be? Aside from what he’s let slip, he could be just an ordinary guy. It’s not like he goes around shooting fire and lightning from his fingertips. He continued to rack his brains as he hiked in silence with the others, but nothing new came to him. I really am, as Dailesca said, just a simple guardsman. Ahead, Tobias raised his hand and signaled a halt. Caladu took a quick look around and realized that they were in the exact same place as before. When Dailesca burst out laughing a moment later as he caught up with the others, Caladu knew he had realized the same thing. “Well, Master Tracker,” Dailesca said in a quiet tone that nevertheless carried with it the full sarcasm he wished to bring to bear on Tobias, “You did it. You’ve led us straight to the beast’s lair.” Time had apparently restored his good spirits, and consequently his impudence. “We pitch camp here tonight,” Tobias said, ignoring him. Caladu looked up at the sky, and saw a few stars winking in the purple of late evening. Time was difficult to gauge in the unnaturally dark woods. Tobias bent down with flint and steel and lit a small pile of twigs and pine needles. “And tomorrow, what then? Shall we just sit here and wait for evening to come, and accomplish the same result as today?” Caladu began to feel uneasy; Dailesca was starting to push it too far. “And shall I tie you to that tree and wait for the beast to come for you?” Tobias thundered, pointing savagely to the nearest trunk. “I think it might rid us of one thorn in our sides.” Dailesca backed off, holding up his hands in a placating gesture. “Point taken, my arsonistic (I know this isn't a real word, I did this on purpose ;)) friend. Say, are you gonna tell us about what makes your incendiary properties tick?” “Not if I can help it.” Dailesca plopped down on the ground, disappointed, and started to lay out his bedroll. “Damn, I was looking forward to that campfire st - ” “SPIRITS ALIVE!” Caladu hurled himself at Dailesca, knocking the both of them to the side as a huge hairy mass shot through the space Dailesca had occupied a split second before. Screaming, Daxarch and Cidua snatched up their weapons and scattered as the beast ploughed through the small fire, sending up mud and burning embers in a small wave as it passed. Tobias did not hesitate but drew his knives and leaped at the beast as it leaped for him, and the two collided with awful force and slammed down to the earth. Tobias was snatched in both monstrous hands and hurled away, impacting with a pine tree and falling to the ground in a shower of splinters. As the beast hauled itself to its feet, Caladu got his first real good look at it from where he crouched on the ground by Dailesca. It was manlike in form, covered in black or dark brown shaggy fur that was torn in patches, like a mangy hellhound. It stood on two legs hunched over at its massively muscled shoulders, grasping and clutching with its long fingers, astonishingly humanlike in motion, but covered with black scabby skin and each ending in a long broken claw. The beast raised its head to the sky and screeched a high-pitched wail, and then turned and looked directly at Caladu. Its face, he moaned in his mind, his blood running cold as ice as he stared at it, unable to look away. Oh, its face! For he stared directly into the skull-face of Death. He had thought the beast manlike in several respects as he studied it, but the face of the monster clinched it for him. Clothed in the same black skin as the fingers and feet, a human skull stared at him with corpse-cold eyes, a skull twisted and mutilated by unholy powers. The nose and muzzle were slightly elongated as if they had belonged to a human, but the gaping maw was crammed with so many thin needle-like teeth that the outer rows were jumbled and broken, sticking out at odd angles, and all were dripping with slobber as the beast chose its next prey. Unfortunately for Caladu, he was the beast’s choice as victim. As the monster howled and bounded towards him, he threw himself to the side in a roll that carried him to his pack and his spear. Snatching up the spear as he continued his move and rolled smoothly to his feet, he faced the beast as it turned towards him baring its hellish maw of glistening teeth. It screamed once as it leaped for him, spraying saliva, and Caladu threw his spear as he rolled to the side again, dodging the beast’s attack a second time. The spear’s barbed point buried itself in the monster’s bicep and continued into its lung, then snapped off, pinning the beast’s arm to its chest. Shrieking again, this time spraying blood as well as spit, the beast lunged forward and swiped at Caladu with its claws, tearing four bloody tracks across his chest and ripping his shirt off. Cidua yelled Caladu’s name as he stumbled backwards and fell, and began shooting arrows into the monster’s unprotected back. Unaffected, the beast leaped one last time, claws, toenails, and teeth ready to tear into Caladu’s soft flesh. Crimson and golden fire exploded in midair, clotheslining the beast and sending it spinning away from Caladu. The sound of the explosion rang through the forest like boulders falling from a great height, meeting the ground in an eruption of dust and stone splinters. The beast lay twitching and smoldering at the foot of a tree, giving all the opportunity to look back at Tobias where he lay on his hands and knees. Smoke poured from his skin and his eyes, and puffed from between clenched teeth as he breathed in slow pants. As his and Caladu’s eyes met, Caladu unconsciously scrambled backwards in fear – something else stared out from the man’s eyes, a predator like Tobias himself but not the brooding silent sort. This was a killer, and a powerful one. “What are you?” gasped Daxarch from where he stood, sword in hand. “FOOL, YOU HAVE NO IDEA…no, that’s not what I am, this is me…OF WHAT HELL HAS BEEN RELEASED!” Tobias spoke in two very different voices, one the same as he used before but strained and raw, and the other ancient and primal and full of power and hatred. “I swore to myself that I would never let you out…AND NOW WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? GOING BACK ON YOUR WORD ALREADY…shut up, darkness eat you…EAT ME? I THINK YOU KNOW BETTER THAN THAT…we’ll see who knows better, spirit…WILL WE?…get back to where you came from, demon!…YOU CAN’T HIDE FROM YOURSELF FOREVER, TOBIAS! ONE OF THESE DAYS THE TRUE YOU WILL DECIDE FOR ITSELF WHO IT IS, AND ONE OF US WILL TRIUMPH OVER THE OTHER…and when that day comes, may you burn alive or dead!…YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BURN, TOBIAS…” Tobias coughed twice, and slowly sank back into a sitting position, head lolling. “It’s back up!” Cidua shrieked, nocking another arrow to his bow and aiming for the beast’s head as it levered itself back to its feet, snarling. Caladu scrambled to his feet, looking for a weapon, but finding none within reach. A wordless snarl arose from Tobias, and Caladu saw the killer again. The monster was knocked back by another eruption of flame, this time lighting its matted fur. Wailing, the beast fled yet again. No one dared move until the sound of screaming and crashing foliage subsided. As one the eyes of everyone turned upon Tobias where he knelt internally wrestling with himself. When finally he raised his head and Caladu saw the human in his eyes, he breathed a sigh of relief and sank down onto the cool earth, feeling the adrenaline take its last course through his veins. Only then was he aware of the four wounds bleeding on his chest, and he began to tear what remained of his shirt into strips. Tobias looked every man in the eye grimly, then cursed and spat. “I suppose I have to tell you everything,” he growled. No one dared to nod. Tobias nodded at Caladu. “Someone help bind that poor fool up so he won’t bleed to death, and then I’ll tell you my story.” After Dailesca and Cidua had finished tying up Caladu’s injuries, and Daxarch procured a handful of leaves that he told Caladu to chew on to reduce the pain, everyone gathered around the new fire that Tobias had built in the meantime. The man stared into the flames for several long minutes before he began. “You all know that I’m an outlander. You’re probably not aware just how much. I was born and raised in the kingdom of Whitecloud, one of the four Great Southern Empires of Man. You’ve never heard of it.” “And just where is this Whitecloud?” Dailesca cut in, serious for once. “You’re right, I’ve never heard of it, even it is as great as you say.” Tobias skewered him with another furious glare. “Let me tell me story, jester. If you must know, if you follow the Chain of Demons south about five hundred miles, you will find the source of the river Warden, which flows southeast another thousand and spends itself in the river gorges of the Whitecloud Plateau. To continue, I joined the Fury Angels Legion when I was of age, and I fought in three wars with the Cerulean Empire. After that I was so sick of conventional warfare that I traveled all over the Four Empires, learning the art of war and improving my skills of battle. I still don’t really know why I did this; there was a comfortable life waiting for me back at home, if I chose to return. But I couldn’t make myself do it. The soldier was too much a part of me to give it up. “For ten years I traveled, learning fighting techniques from every master and teacher I could find. I learned quickly; I’ve always gotten a thrill from combat of any kind, some spiritual gratification perhaps? I took all of these teachings and molded them into the ultimate balance of fury and discipline, savagery and restraint, brutality and finesse. “And then I turned my eye to lands beyond the Four Empires, still not satisfied in my quest. I lived with the Beast-men in Arborea, and learned mercy. I journeyed over the vast Eastern Sea, to the island fortresses of the Tlalingu, and learned how to fight with the hands and the mind. When I returned after another ten years to the Four Empires, I found that I was without equal among men. But they hated me for my skills, and I found myself an outcast. Returning to my homeland, I found my parents long dead, my siblings having met their death by war or disease. There was nothing left for me there. And so I resolved to continue my quest for perfection until I was the most powerful warrior the world had ever seen. “My wanderings led me far north, to the Desolation that was home to the Aretch’suevi nomads. Their hard life taught me endurance and stamina, the will to resist physical hardship. And from them I also learned of the life of the spirit talker. “What the Aretch sages taught me of the spirit world fascinated me. In the Four Empires they know next to nothing of the spirits, and instead revere what I know now are false gods. The spirits were real, an entire race of beings that existed but didn’t exist, in a way; their impact on the world is perhaps too slow or large-scale for any one man to grasp. In my hubris I desired above all else to learn the art of the spirit talker, to have power both physical and magical. The Aretch were reluctant; they could see that I had not the right talent, and they are very wise in their own way. To show me my error, they made me feel it for myself, and that has haunted me ever since. “They taught me some, enough to make me believe I had the talent. And then the first test came: to perform a simple binding like your sorcerer friend did on your town walls. I thought I was up to it, but I was wrong, and the elemental spirit I called quickly got out of my control and did terrible things, destroying the entire camp of the Aretch I traveled with and killing them all, before locking itself inside my mind and body. So there you have it. I am possessed, by a spirit of fire who grants me certain powers but is ultimately too dangerous to let loose inside my mind. Through sheer force of will I was able to wrestle it down into its own little corner of my soul and keep it there, but in order to work wonders like you just saw me do I have to let it partially free. Every time I do it makes a bid for dominion over my mind and body, and every time I have to force it back to where it can do no harm it gets harder. So one of these days it will win, and I suppose I’ll go mad and destroy myself in a crimson blaze of glory, but until then I try to give my talents toward some cause, if anything to justify my actions during all these years.” The fire crackled and snapped by itself for a long minute while Caladu and his companions digested Tobias’ tale. I hope this clears up some questions you people have had, jeez this is fun!! And read Ignia's also, don't let me hog all the attention. |
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| Sigfried | Jul 12 2005, 03:37 AM Post #23 |
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Objection!!!
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man, try to separate more the text, that way is more easy to read, and friendly user too
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| Shrike | Jul 12 2005, 09:25 AM Post #24 |
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The Spikeadelic One
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Its supposed to be separated, the chat thingy takes out all the indents. I hate double spacing, it looks unprofessional. Ignia I see you and you'd better post something good. EDIT: Siggy I think you mean "user friendly"
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| Ignia | Jul 12 2005, 09:39 AM Post #25 |
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Lady of Roman Fire
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Sigfried, this is just how it translates from a word file; I didn't find it hard to read and I have a reading disability
Dude! That was some rich stuf right there! I was getting really into it; you have no idea! That beasty beast-ness was haunt-my-nightmares cool! This IS fun, isn't it? Now I just got to show you Ignia kicking butt with her mad Judo skills! Check the Critics thread sometime soon. |
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5:12 AM Jul 12