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| Read My Story Plz!; I want your opinions and suggestions | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jun 24 2005, 05:38 PM (727 Views) | |
| Sigfried | Jul 12 2005, 10:44 AM Post #26 |
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Objection!!!
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aaaghgh, stop correcting me, i feel diminish and not only all the books i read have space, but even on my reports im forced to do them like this, so its not so unprofessional
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| Ignia | Jul 12 2005, 11:50 AM Post #27 |
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Lady of Roman Fire
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Chill man! If it's that important to you I'll see what I can do! You can thank me latter. |
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| Shrike | Jul 14 2005, 05:50 PM Post #28 |
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The Spikeadelic One
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*later* cough cough
Here's some more explanation of Tobias' source of power: The fire crackled and snapped by itself for a long minute while Caladu and his companions digested Tobias’ tale. The horror of Tobias’ curse, as well as the loneliness of his life’s journey, was hard to deal with. Finally Dailesca spoke. “So this is why the hell-blade doesn’t burn you to ash like it does other men?” Tobias nodded. “Yes. Fire of any kind does not harm me, the spirit guards my flesh from it. I can feel fire near me, such as campfires of an enemy, torches, even the fire beneath the earth. All of this has come just from the spirit being a part of my mind and soul. But for anything else I must give the spirit partial freedom from its mental prison, and that takes more of my strength than you know.” “And you learned this control on your own?” Caladu asked. Tobias nodded again, his eyes haunted as he delved into his memory. “It took a fearsome toll on my spirit, but yes, finally I mastered the demon within. For days I wandered through the desolation, completely mad, battling with the spirit for control of my body. I learned to control it, if anything only because of the iron self-discipline my years of training brought me. After I finally won the battle, I could take no more and passed out, and would have died there on the burning sands if an Aretch war party had not stumbled upon my body. They took me in, gave me water and bound my wounds, and in return I told them my story, as I have just told you. They were horrified, as you are now, but they were also sympathetic and pointed me towards the Chain of Demons, where I was told I would find your civilization.” “And now you are here, in the service of the Darkness King.” Cidua said. “I think I would have kept my freedom, not become thrall to that fell being.” Tobias glared at him balefully, his bad humor returning. “You have no idea of what goes on in Caer al Barandar. Did Diu’s delegation or your tribal lord tell you nothing? The Darkness King is not so harsh as your legends would have it. For those who risk their lives in his name, he is quite generous.” “So you’re a mercenary, is what you’re saying.” Dailesca’s eyes twinkled in his otherwise serious expression. “I choose to dedicate myself to an ideal, for lack of anything else in my life to give me purpose. Is that so sinful? Better a barracks room in the Iron Tower than a slave pit in Cerulean. I’m done talking for tonight,” he said, rising and stretching before sitting back down. “The beast will be back, and I plan to kill it this time.” Caladu did not dare to argue with him. Well folks, there ya have it. And in other news, I found the perfect theme song for Tobias and tried to post it, but apparently the attachment thingy doesn't accept m4a files. Anyone got ideas? |
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| Ignia | Jul 15 2005, 06:17 AM Post #29 |
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Lady of Roman Fire
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Dude! Obsessive Compulsive much? So my hand studdered, and so I don't spell well in the first place; you don't have to point it all out! I think I'll stop all editing efforts just to drive you nuts! |
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| Shrike | Jul 15 2005, 09:54 AM Post #30 |
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The Spikeadelic One
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Hehehe, fine by me!
:lol:
I got the laugh I wanted, no harm done, but if it bothers you I'll stop. I know what you mean, I'm pretty Lysdexic with the keyboard (keyboradd! :yfok:) as well. |
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| Ignia | Jul 15 2005, 12:46 PM Post #31 |
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Lady of Roman Fire
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*lifts an eyebrow* "Lysdexic?" I think that's more of a spoonerism than dyslexia, but nice try
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| The Crysalis | Jul 21 2005, 12:13 PM Post #32 |
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Brackenwood Heavyweight
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I'd read it if it wasnt twenty past three in the morning tomorrow yes
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| Shrike | Jul 22 2005, 07:08 AM Post #33 |
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The Spikeadelic One
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Ok, on a side note, here's the first part of a story I thought of while I was writing my other one, in which Tobias journeys through his own mind. “Do not try and play games with me, Tobias, you’re more easily read than you know.” “Rather an unfair contest, don’t you think?” Tobias answered, unsmiling but with insolence burning in his slate-gray eyes. “Not at all. Those Calaipedur guardsmen had you figured in no time.” “I’d like to think not.” “Of course you would. Any man would. Try as you might, though, there are certain things even you cannot hide.” Tobias snorted. “Caladu said the same. But that one is sharper than most.” “I’m sure he is. But enough, you are arguing pointlessly. And you know it’s getting worse.” “It wouldn’t be if you just left me be. I’ve had it under control for years, until now. I’m not going to sacrifice myself for the curiosity of an inhuman ghost!” “So you’ve said, Tobias, so you’ve said. And yet here we are. I wonder, are you really that weak-minded, or are you so eager to push the limits of your sanity? Or by pushing it too far, do you hope to lose yourself in the madness and end it all in a blaze of Hell?” Tobias bared his teeth in a wordless snarl. “If it might rob you of another alchemist’s rat, then so be it.” “Do you really despise me so?” “I regret the day that I placed myself in your service!” “You regret the day you had not the courage to take what could have been yours!” Echoes thundered throughout the great dark hall. “I offered you the chance to lead, and you chose to serve! So burden me not with this childishness, Tobias.” Tobias regarded the dark figure on its iron throne balefully. “Then what do you want of me. Master.” He loaded the word with every ounce of venom he could muster. “To save yourself, nothing more.” The Darkness King leaned forward with a clinking of chainmail. “You are misguided, Tobias, and will destroy yourself and everyone around you if you do not face your demons. And I mean that in every sense of the word.” “I chose to walk the paths I have walked. I don’t regret any of it.” The Night Shepherd leaned back, the metal mask of his great helm blank but conveying nevertheless the condescension a grandfather might give his ornery grandson. “You are deceiving no one but yourself. In your heart you know I speak the truth. I hope you find the courage to admit it to yourself.” The Lord of Darkness melted into the shadows that filled his black iron hall, and was gone. Tobias knew he was dismissed, though it burned him to the core to think of himself as a Darkness King’s dog, and stalked savagely from the hall. From the throne hall Tobias came out onto the Plaza, the great open semicircle that lay directly beneath the Iron Tower itself. Men bustled to and fro across its expanse, clad in the black plate and mail and cylindrical helmets of the Teharani Legion, or the crested helms of Suendri pedareetch. Two battalions of legionaries were performing field drills, and the Plaza rang with their wordless rhythmical yells. From its cold metal balcony Tobias surveyed the great engine of war that was Caer al Barandar. The Legion of Teharan had grown since he had left for Darvidan. Now fully half the barracks of the great fortress were occupied. Smoke rose in never-ending plumes from the foundries and smithies that honeycombed the enormous pillar of rock on which the Night Shepherd’s stronghold lay, churning out weapons and equipment with which to arm the Shadow’s troops. A month, Tobias estimated, and the Darkness King would be ready to launch his offensive against the Suendri Highlands. Even with five years to prepare, the fight for the Highlands would be a bloody one; the Orc legions had had five years to prepare for a counterstroke as well. Tobias envied the Suendri exiles for their chance to avenge the slaughter of their people in a tide of bloodshed. He knew he would not take part in the heavy fighting; that was the job of an ordinary legionary or pedareet. His role was as yet undefined. My whole reason for being here is undefined, he thought savagely. Save as a spirit’s toy. I can’t live with that. His hands tightened on the balcony’s edge as an idea began to form in his head. YOU’D NEVER MAKE IT TO THE BOTTOM. The voice coursed through his head like a firestorm, burning through his brain. Tobias grunted and slumped to his elbows, holding his head in his hands. “Why in the Hell not?” he grated. “What do you propose to do about it?” YOUR CONTROL IS WEAKENING, TOBIAS, the fiery voice continued. YOU KNOW IT, AND THE BLACK ONE KNOWS IT TOO. COULD I EVER SPEAK TO YOU WHEN YOU WERE IN THE FOREST? HELL KNOWS I TRIED. AND NOW LISTEN TO ME! HOW LONG DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HOLD ON? “I won’t need to, not for long. Letting go in both senses might be a relief.” BUT YOU DON’T REALLY WANT TO DIE. THE BLACK ONE SEES RIGHT THROUGH YOU. I SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOU. WHAT ARE THE GUILES OF MEN COMPARED TO AN ELEMENTAL? YOU SPEND YOUR TIME RUNNING FROM TRUTH WHILE YOU PROFESS TO SEEK IT. COWARD. “Then what truth do you have for me, demon?” YOU ARE RUNNING OUT OF TIME. SOON YOU WILL LOSE THE STRUGGLE AND I WILL BE FREE. WHAT WILL YOU DO THEN? “Continue to damn you as I have every day since I was stuck with you!” YOUR HATRED IS AMUSING. IT WEAKENS YOU AND STRENGTHENS ME. BUT IT’S TOO LATE FOR YOU TO STOP, ISN’T IT? HATRED COMES TOO EASILY FOR YOU. YOU’VE DOOMED YOURSELF, TOBIAS. JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW. With a cascade of laughter like a lava flow, the burning presence receded, leaving Tobias with a throbbing headache. He pounded the iron balcony once with his fist. “Another bad day,” he muttered in a voice like grinding stone. Then he laughed. “When was the last time I had a good one?” He buried the thought before his laugh became hysterical. Well there ya have it, Tobias is starting to go mental and its up to him to save himself. Stay tuned for more installments. |
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| Ignia | Jul 22 2005, 11:52 AM Post #34 |
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Lady of Roman Fire
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ok you finally lost me.The dialogue was good. I followed that with much pleasure, but the war prep had me confused. I love the mental struggle (I too mess with my character's minds ), but I just got to know:Were you an Animorphs fan??? If not, where did you come up with the name Tobias? |
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| Shrike | Jul 22 2005, 04:26 PM Post #35 |
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The Spikeadelic One
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Oh yeah, I guess this is closer to the backdrop of the actual epic saga of my world. In that case, let me fill you in. In ancient times, the powers of the Middle Sphere created the world and the animals and the spirits and so on, and divided themselves into seven elemental categories: Light, Shadow, Earth, Life, Water, Fire, and Sky. These were led by seven almighty spirits who embodied the essence of their element. For the most part they cooperated toward the order of their world, but occasionally they would war with each other. After one such conflict they created the two races of mortals, Orcs and Men, and an eighth element came into being: Death, the mark of mortality. Death became corrupt and perverted life into unlife, and attempted to destroy the world with its undead creations. It was overcome and for the most part destroyed by the other seven powers, and life continued as normal. Then Death somehow escaped its imprisonment and went to the far north, to the empire of Orcs known as Altaborea. It united the Orc tribes as its minions and began sending them south to destroy humanity. The powers of Shadow forsaw this and attempted to unite humanity against their destruction, drawing all of the human cultures into his master plan to oppose Death and the Orc legions. Then follows a war lasting at least twenty years, I think, drawing all far-flung human civilizations into its conflict, and when Death and Shadow have fought themselves to pieces, then the powers of Sky intervene and take all who are willing into the equivalent of heaven, while those who stay attempt to recreate the lost empires of the previous age and gradually dwindle into barbarism and extinction. So, where this story is taking place, the Orcs have invaded the Suendri Highlands, the first human homeland in their path, and the Suendri clans have been overwhelmed and forced into exile. The Darkness King has taken them in, and begun recruiting from them and the tribes around his neck of the woods to raise his first army to battle the Orcs. The Darkness King's fortress has been turned into a war factory, and they are preparing for their campaign to drive the Orcs out of the Suendri Highlands and take back their homeland. *pant pant* Kind of a lot of background, I hope this isn't even more confusing, but I've been pulling this basic story back and forth for a couple of years now, and its gotten more and more refined and complex as it goes. I wish I had a scanner so I could show everyone all the concept doodles I've done, giving each race their own unique look and culture and everything. It just can't be conveyed through posts like this. And no, I've never read an Animorphs book in my life, I didn't know there was a character called Tobias in em. It just kinda popped into my head when I wanted to give this guy his name, and it had a different feel than the names of the Calaipedur, which was important, so I stuck with it.
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| Ignia | Jul 23 2005, 03:24 AM Post #36 |
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Lady of Roman Fire
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Yeah that clears things up a whole lot! Wow, sounds like you've been rolling this around in your head for a long time. I actually start writing before I have everything worked out, which means a whole lotta cutting, but that's half the fun! I was the world's biggest Animorph fan when I was little. I read a book a week; soon I was having to wait for the next to be published :lol: 54 novellas, 3 Andelite chronicles, 4 Megamorphs, The Visser, and The Elimist cronicles later and I was all set to write for young teens. I grew rapidly from there My first attempt at creative writing (I was 10ish) was a HUGE Zelda Ocarina of Time fanfic with the style of writing K.A. Applegate used in Animorphs. Though I'll never forget my roots, I'm quite glad my writing has evolved since then
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| Shrike | Aug 30 2005, 03:00 PM Post #37 |
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The Spikeadelic One
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Ok, finally got back into the creative groove, which took me entirely too long, but here I am again (you will pay attention to me, dammit!
kidding).Truth be told, I got bored with my last story project. I'll pick it up later maybe, but now I'm writing something I hope to make into a flash movie someday (inspired by a song I heard the other day). Check it out. I'll be happy to explain anything unfamiliar, it kinda helps to have read my other stuff. The snow swirled around Tobias’ heavily cloaked body, riding on a wind that penetrated the thick layers and chilled his flesh. The loose powder built up around his boots as he trudged resolutely onward. He stared bleakly up at the mountains around him, the impassive walls of rock and ice that went on and on, as far as he could see, that seemed to be mocking him with their silence in the midst of his hardship. “Gets a bit tiresome after a while, don’t it?” Rhais, his companion, shuffled through the shin-deep snow abreast of him, carrying his mechanical monstrosity of a crossbow over one shoulder. Of Aretch ancestry, the short wiry man’s dark skin contrasted with Tobias’ paleness, as did his perpetual good humor with Tobias’ brooding demeanor. This time, however, there was no hint of sarcasm in Rhais’ tone; he grimaced in the face of the blizzard, baring his teeth slightly. It was a long way from his desert homeland. “And that’s a damn understatement,” groused a third figure, hard to see in the growing snowstorm. “I can’t stand this weather anymore. My damn sword’s frozen in its scabbard!” Khorudo, the third and final member of their party, brushed snow off his shoulders as he joined the other two men where they stood. His grumpy nature was aggravated by the merciless weather; Aretch like Rhais, he was not used to cold weather, and he made no secret of it. “And how the hell is that contraption going to work properly,” he continued, gesturing at Rhais’ crossbow, “if the gears get fouled up with ice?” “You just leave that to me.” Rhais was perhaps overly defensive on the subject of his unique weapon. Tobias used this to keep him in line, but secretly he admired it. “That I will. Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to keep moving. I think my boot has a hole in it, my big toe’s freezing off.” Grumbling to himself, Khorudo gathered his hood about his face and shuffled on. Tobias silently gestured for Rhais to follow, and the little man obeyed. “We have to find shelter,” Tobias said loudly over the howl of the storm. “This storm came up out of nowhere, and I think it’ll get worse.” “Where do you suggest?” Khorudo shouted back, turning his head. “I sure as hell can’t see anything.” “Don’t they get snow down in Whitecloud?” Rhais asked, shielding his face with an arm. “You’d know more about it than I, I’m a desert man.” “Make your way over to the side of the mountain,” Tobias replied, pointing. “Too bad the wind is channeled by this valley, otherwise we might have had a lee to shelter in. But we can still dig down into the snow, it should be deep enough.” “Won’t it fill up again? We’d be buried!” Khorudo trudged in the direction Tobias pointed, despite his skepticism. “If we dig deep enough, below the powder, we should get out of the worst of it. We can dig a shelf to lie under. When I was with the Fury Angels we did wilderness survival treks on a regular basis. We had men freeze to death on many of them, who didn’t know how to dig a shelter.” They arrived at the base of the cliff. The wind was really starting to blow, throwing sheets of powder and sleet against the three beleaguered men. Recognizing that attempts at spoken communication would be useless, Tobias pointed down and started to dig with his gloved hands. His companions took the cue and pitched in, and soon they had cleared a large circular area in the powder. Tobias drew his sword and started chopping into the tightly packed snow beneath. After a half hour of labor they had burrowed down half again Tobias’ height, and scraped out small alcoves to get out of the wind and snow. “Who’s got the wood?” Khorudo asked, settling back into his alcove and shaking loose snow from his clothing. “Oh wait, I do. I hope it’s still dry.” “Don’t bother,” Tobias said, making a negative gesture with his hand. “If you lay down your bedroll and bundle up real tight you should be fine.” He turned to Rhais. “How many days out are we from Al’naghar? Are you sure we’re going the right way?” The Aretch, who had only seen their destination but was the only one present who had, nodded as he took a pull from a small flask of veratchi. “Damn,” he exclaimed softly, regarding the flask with approval. “A thousand years of exile hasn’t put us much ahead in the brewing arts. Those Highlanders can still toss out a mean liquor.” Chuckling, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and stowed the flask inside his jacket. “We’re about three days out, I think, if my memory serves me right. There’s a whole mess of switchback valleys between here and there, so it’ll take a lot longer than going straight. But I wouldn’t suggest trying to cross these mountain ridges.” “Why not?” Khorudo demanded. “Couldn’t we find a pass somewhere? Beats freezing to death in these cursed valleys.” “Oh, no it doesn’t,” Tobias replied. “You think we have it bad down here, it will be much worse if we go any higher. Better to stick to the safe route, cause if we screw up out here we’re buggered for good.” “And once we get there,” Rhais asked, “what do we do then? When I was assigned this mission, the details were sketchy. Maybe you know more than I do? Someone here has to.” “We are to plant this.” Tobias drew a large metallic sphere from his pack. “I don’t know what it is. My guess is it explodes somehow, maybe by sorcery, maybe alchemist’s fire. But it seems small to carry a big enough charge – I don’t know, I’m no engineer, and it’s shielded somehow; I can’t sense it’s energy.” “It must be sorcery,” Khorudo said. “I watched the sappers lay their charges at the siege of Sadrienna. They used barrels full just to blow a section of wall. This would be a piddling amount to destroy an entire city.” “You forget,” interrupted Rhais, lifting a finger, “that Al’naghar is built into a cliff over a great chasm. A large enough blast will send the whole thing tumbling straight to Hell.” “And I’m telling you,” Khorudo argued, unwilling to concede the point, “that even the Argentines use more than that when they bury charges to use against soldiers on foot.” “Enough!” Tobias held up his hands. “I want an early start tomorrow, so I’m turning in. I suggest you both do the same.” The argument ended there. Silence descended over the trio as they lay out their bedrolls and tried to drop off into fitful sleep. Soon the two Aretch were snoring softly, while Tobias merely lay on his back and listened to the wind howl. It had been a long time since he had ever slept, and he felt no need to break the pattern. ~ |
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| Ignia | Sep 4 2005, 04:23 AM Post #38 |
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Lady of Roman Fire
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Hmm... I like the snow description, but nothing in particular reached out to bite me. That sadly happens a whole lot when you get out of the habbit of writing. The coloquialness of the conversation was good to a point. You have the reader comfortable with the characters, but you need to back down on the commonness, if that's even a word. I like how you used what you know about to write, i.e. the whole survival in the wilderness thing (and that's quite the compliment coming from me; I have a big grudge against boy scouts!)
... and soccer players....letssee... I like your creative names. How do you come up with them? One thing you might want to explain is how Tobias' sword wasn't frozen stuck but Khorudo's was? Idroknow; I'm not too versed in blades. I know that was a really wimpy cratique, but it's lunchtime here in the Fury Mountains, and, :angry: you didn't right anything about MY story! |
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| Shrike | Sep 4 2005, 05:37 AM Post #39 |
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The Spikeadelic One
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Yeah, I realized after I posted this that it was kinda useless, but I wanted to post something. As far as names, I've been playing around with these cultures for so long that they each have their own distinctive feel, so I just think of random syllables and try to arrange tham into something that sounds right and, of course, totally cool. Rhais and Khorudo are both Aretch-suendri, an offshoot of the Suendri culture, so the languages sound similar, but certain syllables and vowels are different to show that they've been separate for a thousand years. Suendri, in turn, has its minor differences from the Calaipedur, for instance, and other clans living around there. Ok, without further ado, here is another clip I think you folks will appreciate a little more: All was silence in the halls as Tobias padded silently through them, save for small echoes now and then that made him freeze before continuing on. The metal sphere seemed to grow heavier and heavier as he descended the cavernous interior of the third bastion, toward the place where he would plant the sphere and send Al’naghar to oblivion. Many times he had considered abandoning the mission and casting the sphere into some icy crevasse, returning to the Iron Tower in failure. But thus far obedience to the Sovereign of the Dark had remained too deeply ingrained in him. Guttural voices spoke in the corridor ahead and around the corner. Tobias threw himself into a patch of shadow and flattened himself against the wall, hoping that the Orcish soldiers would pass him by. To his horror, they did not continue on, but turned the corner and started down his hallway. Knowing it was only a matter of seconds before they saw him anyway, he cast his small palm-blades and drew his twin longswords in one smooth movement, stepping forward to do battle. And realized that he had made yet another grave miscalculation. No regular patrol this, but an entire khadar lined up in the narrow hallway. Even as two warriors fell twitching, one pierced in neck and another in the eye by his palm-blades, the rest roared in surprise and charged him. Sanity overcoming battle-lust, Tobias ran. Trying to lose them, he took random turns and ran in circles before he realized that he was both farther away from his objective and quite lost, and had not managed to shake his pursuers. Skidding suddenly to a halt, he did the only thing he knew they wouldn’t expect. He turned around and charged, howling like a demon. For a split second the Orcs halted, taken aback by his sudden attack. Then, answering his bellow with battle cries of their own, katan’ari whisping from their sheaths, they closed with the intruder to slaughter him. For them, as priests of the battle religion, destroying the impure Lesser race was an act of purification – there was no questioning whether it had to be done, for the very existence of these creatures was an abomination. And to have one here, in the heart of the People’s sanctum, was an insult beyond reckoning. The jihad had begun; there would be no more tolerance. Tobias whipped his blade into the chest of one whooping soldier, the Orc’s battle cry cutting off with a bubbling cough as it began to choke on its own blood; Tobias kicked it to the ground as he wrenched the sword out of its chest and brought it in a glistening black arc down on the next Orc’s head. Its helm could not resist the furious power Tobias brought upon it and clove instantly, shattering the skull and sending brain and bone fragments flying in a wet spray. Before he could be surrounded and butchered, he disengaged, deflecting a katan’ar’s blow as he stepped back. For a moment neither party moved; Tobias stood back, every muscle tense, chest heaving, not taking his eyes off of his opponents. The Orcs likewise regarded him for several seconds, and then when neither side made a move they bowed their heads, brought their katan’ari up to touch the brims of their helmets and uttered a low deep note from their throats, not loud but powerful, the collective sound reverberating off the walls and filling Tobias’ ears. The sound went on and on, and when it finally stopped there was a deathly silence. Then each katan’ar was lowered and their owners charged forward with no less zeal than before. Tobias hesitated. He knew he could not fend off every soldier at once if he stood and fought, but if he retreated they would drive him farther away from his destination, through passages he did not know. He would be lost, and hunted until he either destroyed them all or they destroyed him. His only other option he was aware of, but was reluctant to use; and the rushing sound of a katan’ar descending towards his skull snapped him back to the present. He parried the swing with one longsword in a crash of steel and ducked in under the Orc’s guard, ramming his second sword into its gut. He continued the forward motion and heaved the dying creature’s body onto the soldier behind it, sending it crashing to the ground in a tangle of thrashing limbs. He moved forward to his next adversary as he swung backhand at the Orc trying to get behind him, catching it by surprise and smacking it in the face with the edge of the blade. The blow wasn’t enough to break through the metal mask, but staggered the creature and got it out of the way long enough to deflect the sideways chop of the foe in front of him and knee it in the groin. He stabbed it once in the neck, whirled and plunged the blade into the chest of the Orc behind him. Tobias continued the whirling motion and came to a stop five feet in front of the remaining body of enemies. He was tired; he knew he could not keep this up and defeat all his foes at once, nor could he run long before he expired and was overtaken. As the Orcs renewed their charge, he closed his eyes, drew in a deep breath and let it out, his skin tingling as his awareness withdrew inwards. His eyes snapped open. To the Orc who was about to cleave his skull in half, they were not black as they had been before, but fiery red. This barely had time to register in the creature’s mind before he was engulfed in crimson hellfire. The flames raged out from Tobias’ body and raced down the corridor, blackening and cracking the stone walls and turning every living thing to ash. Tobias’ knees trembled and gave way, and he collapsed shivering to the floor. Flakes of ash drifted in the air around him, the only remains of the forty Orcs who had been living seconds before. In time Tobias regained full control of himself and rose slowly to his feet, surveying the destruction he had unleashed. Then without a word he sheathed his swords and set about finding his way back to where he had been. ~ |
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| Ignia | Sep 4 2005, 05:59 AM Post #40 |
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Lady of Roman Fire
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HOLY SHIT! I have just one thing to say... [size=7]BOOYA!!![/size] Dude! You're battle descriptions ROCKED like Prince-of-Persia-head-whoppin-blood-gushin-Warrior-Within-gory-goodness!!! You really ought to try that game. You'd like the melee. And your vocab was uped! "Expired," and "sanity overcoming battle-lust!" Kudos, my friend. Major Kudos. Just one thing aren't long swords two handed specifically due to weight? More sword description would be beneficial in clearing that up.But all in all: Beautiful!
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| Shrike | Sep 4 2005, 06:27 AM Post #41 |
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The Spikeadelic One
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No, broadswords are the two-handed ones, and believe me, those things are heavy. I took a stage combat class once and did a whole section on broadsword fighting. Totally unsuitable for finesse fighting. No, longswords and their cousins the bastard swords are also called hand-and-a-half swords, meaning that they can be used both one and two-handed. And in case you were wondering, a katan'ar is an Orcish longsword, a kind of hybrid of katana and meat cleaver. Ha! Success! Now on to Rhais' blunder so I can write about that kickass semi-auto crossbow!
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| Ignia | Sep 5 2005, 04:35 AM Post #42 |
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Lady of Roman Fire
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Well that clears things up! Yeah I know about hand-and-a-half swords. Ave's ice sword is a hand-and-a-half, but he usually uses both hands with it. I think he just likes the feel, not to mention the freedom of having the option. He's also a fan of daggers. Katana/ meat cleaver cross? That's a disturbing thought! A freind told me that a katana's strength was measured by how many logs it can cut through in one slice, representing how many bodies it can cut through in one slice. Now that's a meat cleaver!(And that section you asked for is in Our Deepest Fear thread) |
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| LoboDiabloLoneWolf | Nov 26 2005, 10:24 PM Post #43 |
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The SHE-Wolf of the Crop-Circles
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Blimey, you have a skill with this. I proclaim myself well and truely sucked into your world and now you have me itching for more...makes me want to post some of my original stuff...
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| Shrike | Nov 27 2005, 04:41 PM Post #44 |
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The Spikeadelic One
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By all means, please do.
Glad you liked it.
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ok you finally lost me.
), but I just got to know:
Now that's a meat cleaver!
I proclaim myself well and truely sucked into your world and now you have me itching for more...makes me want to post some of my original stuff...

5:12 AM Jul 12