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Emerald Fang Productions; A story i wanna share with all of ya!
Topic Started: Nov 29 2005, 08:25 AM (382 Views)
Emerald_Fang
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Spirit's Creator* (thanks adam)
Chapter
Prologue
The year, 4356
Time, 1300 hours.
Place, Manocoro city

Manocoro is a city of such mystery. The city holds a mysterious past and unknown future. Now a young boy named Devin is in a game of baseball…..

Devin and his friends were playing an intense game of baseball upon the surface city of Manocoro, a space colony with many temples and structures. The city was named after the giant stone in the center. The ancients called it the Blood Destroyers Stone, because it was believe to hold a monster that would destroy the universe. Devin pitched the ball; his friend struck it the air. It flew fast until it landed into the underground hatch 54. Devin was forced to get because he was the youngest. This was a humdrum task for him, because every day he would have to get something that he did. He argued with his friends and brother, but this was a trivial fight. Devin swiftly insinuated that his brother doesn’t do anything and presses it on him. His brother punched him, causing a trickle of blood to flow from his lip. His friends demanded a truce. Devin agreed and hurtled into the hatch. He jump to the ground and landed alight on the tunnels floor.

Devin traveled into the barren darkness. He had a sullen look on his face, wishing his brother wasn’t so vicious. Then deep in the darkness, a pink glow radiated from a geminating crystal. Devin moved closer, wondering what it was, thinking that it would end this interminable walk through the dark catacombs beneath the city. Then he remembered his brother needed to recompense him a favor, but now he turned his attention towards the crystalline tunnel.

Deeper and deeper he traveled into the tunnel, until he reached a large temple like shape, with mysterious glyphs upon its surface. It looked like an old native tribe of the planet made its dynasty-like center within its greatest fear. Devin stepped into the temple. The interior glowed and had paintings of monsters of a time long past. Then as he touch a painting a red dragon, it sunk into the wall, the temple shook.

Twisting and moving, the blood destroyer’s stone shattered, revealing the ancient monster, Aldaron. The red dragon reached its blood red wings into the blackened sky. Its armor like scaly neck raised into the air, with a large horn protruding from its skull, which shined a yellowish tint. Its eyes had fire eroding from its pupils. Its arms were bony, blood red, and powerful. The hands, dulled by age, had sharp talons, a dark hole in the palm, and trembled. Its legs had a strong look and feels, smooth, powerful, bulky. The feet dark black, charred by fire, and had long shark talons.

Inside, Devin uncovered a strange crystal. Within it held a yellow demon like figure, with skimpy looking arms and legs. It had one large eye and a small mouth, devilish tail, and purple wings. Devin found an incantation next to the stone. As Devin finished the incantation, the crystal cracked and creaked, the monster inside was released. Cyris Iris, the one who can kill Aldaron.

“Where am I?” Cyris asked.
“You’re inside a cave of crystal” Devin said in amazement.
“Just great” Cyris said hearing a blasting roar.
“Did you touch the picture of a dragon” Cyris questioned looking worried.
“Yes why?” Devin feeling like this was an interrogation.
“Great now I have to kill him, after I spent so much…”
“Who are you talking about?” Devin disrupted.
“Aldaron, he almost destroyed the universe.”
“Well can I help u fight him this time?’
“Well I have no clue of this time and what does what so yes you can, just try not to get hurt.”
Cyris flew Devin out of the temple and took him to Knost (N-ou-st) forest, where their next adventure awaited them….

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Emerald_Fang
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Spirit's Creator* (thanks adam)
Chapter One
Dreams of the Past

Devin and Cyris flew as far away from installation 43 as they could, only to land on the remote island of Knost. Hastily they set up camp within the dense and dangerous forest. Cyris remembers the events of this forest like he was human once more, remembering the events of his crucial roll in the past.


10,000 years before

Cyrus awoke in his woven palm bedding, only to realize that the day in which he had awoken was chosen to be his pilgrimage to start. Cyrus ran with great strides into his village. The elders awaited him, for only they could yet lead him into the cave of trials.

“Cyrus, we those who spread the word of our ancestors now ask of you great hardship.” The Highest Elder asked.
“I’m ready High one; take me into the test, for now I have grown eager to find what lies beyond this world.” Cyrus said with great fear.
“It is time then young one.” The High elder said with great sadness.
“Now take the path in which we direct, though peril and dangers approach you, you must continue. We will meet you, my son at the great sun well alter.”


Cyrus traveled deep into the rainforest, only to be attacked, starved, and emotionally demolished. Finally Cyrus, almost dead, reached the alter. The elder council awaited his arrival with great anticipation. The ritual was simple, to die, and then come from the hatred of the world as a symbol of the flames of life.

Cyrus then died……………………


Present day

Devin had awoken the hellish demon from his slumber, only to bear news of great destruction at the nearby water fall. An ancient race known solely as the Knost lizards, had tainted the once live-giving waters. Why such peaceful creatures would do such a thing was completely mystifying. Cyris, not knowing anything else to do, attack with haste. Using his hellish power, he called to the flames of hell to craft his devilish sword. Killing many of the existent lizards with ease, he continued his bloodlust. Suddenly an unknown assault hit Cyris in his right arm. Cyris turn to see a giant mech emerging from the waterfalls.
Cyris charged, demolishing the titan of steel. Metal thundered to the ground. Then the lizards seemingly returned to their normal selves and ran into the woods. Then a thundering presence erupted from the falls, Biohazard, King of The Knost. He attacked Cyris with a large glowing ball of plasma Cyris dodged and countered with fireball of his own.

The attack hit Bio in his skull, brutally injuring him. Biohazard, knew that this confrontation would be his last, so he charged at Cyris. Cyris evaded it and saw that he was being controlled with a device upon the lizard’s back. He shot a fireball right at it, scoring a direct hit!
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Emerald_Fang
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Spirit's Creator* (thanks adam)
Chapter 2
Bio

Biohazard suddenly gained strength from the strike. Cyris astonished that his assault failed horribly, froze under fear. Biohazard charge energy into the molten orange orb on his back and shot a fiery blast toward Cyris.

Cyris smirked and stood firm, confident, as if no harm would come.

10,000 years before

Cyrus’s soul flew vigorously out of his body and streamed towards the Sunwell alter. With a blast of red glow, Cyrus had risen into his demon-like form. They dubbed him Cyris Iris, Cyris from his human name, Iris from the legendary text. He then sprung his wings out and flew to Aviraliz, City of the Draconic.

Present Day

Cyris was hit directly by the blast, which left a large crater. Cyris was nowhere to be seen. Biohazard gave a large scream into the sky, as a sign of victory. Biohazard headed towards his waterfall.

Suddenly, a large stream of white energy struck Biohazard, almost knocking the giant beast to the ground. Cyris, alive and kicking, charge at full speed. Biohazard braced himself. Cyrus destroyed the machine atop of Biohazard, freeing the beast of mind control.

Biohazard had become a peaceful giant once more. Cyris got Devin from their camp to come meet there new comrade.

After becoming acquainted they set out for the perilous Korken desert.
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Foster
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Token Canuck
I'll read this a little later, I'm kinda busy right now. However, you shouldn't double-post, it pisses off the mods. ;)
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Emerald_Fang
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Spirit's Creator* (thanks adam)
....kinda new here...... to all modys sorry:(....
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Jdave
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Brackenwood Heavyweight
more more more!!!!!! I like this story you should be a writer.
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Emerald_Fang
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Spirit's Creator* (thanks adam)
Jdave your the first POST to say something about this story CONGRATZ you win nothing!!!
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Jdave
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Brackenwood Heavyweight
YaY I actually liked this story cause wait for it you used your imagination thats something you dont see alot of in most, MOST, stories now adays. I also like fantasy stories. You also gave it a great beginning for a story although you couldve waited a little more before going right into the action like building the story up and then crashing down into the action. But it still is good.
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Emerald_Fang
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Spirit's Creator* (thanks adam)
well.... i kinda did the first part as a school project <_< .... But anyways there will be more coming very soon. Chapter 3 is taking my free time.......... it may be posted soon!
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Jdave
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Brackenwood Heavyweight
Its still good.
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Emerald_Fang
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Spirit's Creator* (thanks adam)
Chapter 3
Death’s angel(Dark Skull)
Cyris, Biohazard, and Devin walked to the Korken desert. The shifting sands of the desert were alluring, seemingly calm. Suddenly a hellish worm sprung its devilish trap onto the unaware journeymen. The large hellish beast carried large fangs along with a giant eye centered on the head. It sprung out and took out biohazard. Cyris flew Devin over to safety and rushed to aid his newly mad friend. Cyris than drew up his sword swiftly.
Cyris assaulted the beast with countless balls of fire and slashes of his sword, but to his surprise the worm was alive! The beast only had a small gash behind his head, barely bleeding. Biohazard suggested that the beast was to strong and that they should run. Cyris grinned and flapped his wings swiftly, causing a sandstorm to brew.


10,000 years before

The waves of the blackened oceans tossed and churned with gurgles similar to the many sounds he heard coming back to life. Suddenly a crashing shriek was heard and Cyris decreased altitude. It was a low flying devil like bird. Cyris flew into a flock of these horrid animals. They spat large globs of green, slimy, acid, which devastated Cyris. Cyris crashed into the ocean.


Present Day

The worm dug back down under the sands, only to be trap when Cyris blasted the sand with his flamed mouth. The worm was trapped in solid glass. Crack by crack the worm broke out of it prison. Cyris Flung Devin over his shoulder and flew. Biohazard ran. Suddenly A black figure appeared. This person had a cape, seethed sword, gun, a buffalo skull shaped head, with purple skin the person was well fitted for destruction. He yelled to Cyris that he should stay still. Suddenly with a great jolt of speed the stranger ran swiftly out into the worm’s wake. He took a rocket launcher from his back and shoot in the open wound Cyris had made. The beast was then stunned. The person then took his sword and stabbed it with ease into the creature’s limp skull. He than took it out and walked to Cyris, Devin, and Biohazard. He said in a Texas-like accent “You should know better than to come out on Dark Skull’s turf young’ins.”



heres chapter 3 for ya!
EDIT!!! Guys, you out there? cmon give me a try or at least tell me what you think
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Emerald_Fang
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Spirit's Creator* (thanks adam)
sorry for double post, but i might not post chapter 4 fer a while..........
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crumb
Rufum Ru Sudily!
Foster
Nov 29 2005, 08:43 AM
I'll read this a little later, I'm kinda busy right now.  However, you shouldn't double-post, it pisses off the mods.  ;)

not if no one has replied in a while

Hey i like it mate, keep goin! You are a wicked witer! :P
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psychomunkey3
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The Forum Medic
Emerald_Fang
Nov 29 2005, 02:33 PM
well.... i kinda did the first part as a school project <_< .... But anyways there will be more coming very soon. Chapter 3 is taking my free time.......... it may be posted soon!

Heh i started my story as a school project and now im working on a second just fur the hell of it. go here <----- that me story But your story sounds pretty good. I did like some of the wording that you used i have to say... keep it up :)
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Sigfried
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Objection!!!
mmmm, too many temporal jumps might confuse the reader, you can make a fix about that
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crumb
Rufum Ru Sudily!
psychomunkey3
Dec 4 2005, 06:07 AM
Heh i started my story as a school project and now im working on a second just fur the hell of it. go here <----- that me story But your story sounds pretty good. I did like some of the wording that you used i have to say... keep it up :)

hahha thats just sad <<< mine here. :P

Come Emerald i want more!!!
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Emerald_Fang
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Spirit's Creator* (thanks adam)
Ok guys Answers to many parts to this story. 1st sigfried, i do the jumps as a chapter to chapter thing to give you backround to Cyris. 2nd munchy it isnt sad, cuz i get a publisher to see it when im done(english teacher wants me to finish it) 3rd psycho ill read your story later, im busy doing stuff now mostly thinking of chapter 4!
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Sigfried
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Objection!!!
mmm, it seems so, but i see a problem, its like an american movie trying to be into a book with so much time jumps, if you plan to do it, at least you should make a Prologue that set up the main plot, the background story and world
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crumb
Rufum Ru Sudily!
geez... it takes me like an hour to write one part
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Emerald_Fang
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Spirit's Creator* (thanks adam)
Sig first this is the history of that world, likes its time line within its story, bringing life to it. Look at ....insert random harry potter book here... she is using a different type of history adding. But im doing something new and fresh, this isnt for little kiddies the targeted crowd is the people 12-20 that love sci-fi/adventure. Im like J.K. im using a diffent thing to explain my thoughts and expressions into character. and the prologue is supposed to be like that, im going back and fixing stuff when i finish (chapter 25 Into The Dragon's Den) SPOILERS!!!!! which will leave you at aldarons doorstep leading into the fight in the next book(end of spoilers) Cyris Iris V.S. Flammae, which right now the plot is FILLED with action! But it will be relativly short :worry: but dont worry it will have some fan-based idea into it! so send me a email at floss_man2122@yahoo.com and hopefully you could give me some after story! jk but you could be in the mentions cuz these are getting published! im pretty much done with Chapter 4 soo hold on posting it in a sec so im gonna double post :yfok:
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swartzer
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Brackenwood Lightweight
Hmmm, I have some mixed feelings about this one. I don't claim to be a great writer, so feel free to take my critique with a grain of salt.

The main problem I see is that most of the scenes seem to rush past very quickly, leaving out a lot of detail. Most of what you are doing sounds like telling the reader what happened, instead of actually showing it happening; showing is almost always better, as the people who taught me to write have pounded into my head. ;) This story could use a lot more detail about what these characters see, hear, and feel.

You are making a good start, though. We do see some details, which is good. And I like your creativity! I want to see more of each place they journey through; I get the feeling that when you say something like
Quote:
 
Cyris, Biohazard, and Devin walked to the Korken desert. The shifting sands of the desert were alluring, seemingly calm.
you're seeing a lot of detail in your head about what it's like to travel through this desert, but only giving us those two lines to describe it. I'd love to see more, because you've obviously got a fertile imagination.

Above all, keep writing! You've got a lot of potential. This critique is not at all meant to tear you down, so I hope it doesn't come across that way. I want to see what comes next!
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Emerald_Fang
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Spirit's Creator* (thanks adam)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo not the discriptionist!!! yea i know but this is a preview realy the real thing is bout 125ish-130 and its realitively readable! MArk Twain writes to small and im Emerald Fang instead of my really name. Just a bit of info. And YES its suppose to be showing that it HAPPENED the key word in this sentence. Its not happening, whenever i get done with the movie which is COMPLETELY hand drawn it will be posted somewhere......yea....anyways the movie is about 50-120 mins..... Also im working on concept art for CVF. So im balencing (man i killed that word ! ) 5 things at once. Also im drawing up Emerald Fang Production's music vidoes for a dance at a camp, i cant say cuz youll want to see me ;) so ill tape it or some of the staff will. But anyways that will have a private screening of Cyris Iris VS Flammae. so i gotta get this hurried!!!
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Emerald_Fang
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Spirit's Creator* (thanks adam)
ok now im back from my long trip away from the computer and interweb!!! YAY chapter 4 is coming up here shortly!!
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Jdave
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Brackenwood Heavyweight
You wanted me to post so I am I like your story, its great, I love fantasies so you win my vote right away, but I also like fan fictions, LoboDiabloLoneWolf ;) .
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Emerald_Fang
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Spirit's Creator* (thanks adam)
UGH cuase jdave is very very confused ill post all of Cyris iris here :yfok:
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