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| Nightmare...; Ready to be scared? | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: May 30 2006, 02:15 AM (784 Views) | |
| Emerald_Fang | May 30 2006, 02:15 AM Post #1 |
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Spirit's Creator* (thanks adam)
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These are both dreams and real life events that have happened to me..... These are all true stories....... nIgHtMaRe Part One Hostage by ones Self One night i had this odd dream. I was in a large room with about 40 other people. i was a V shaped room and had 3 pillars that lead into complete darkness. i made my way through the crowd and went beyond into the darkness. When there i found 6 escalaters going down. i choose the 2nd one (from the left). i went down for hours on end and tried to wake myself wake up. Then i saw the other escalade. On it was this dark figure that gave off complete evil. It had a hood on and its hands were deformed and enlongated. It turned to me and said in some wierd language, NishNurubu Juku. Then i saw its face. It was burned and had flesh hanging from it. its eyes dripped blood from its hellish red eyes. It gave winges from its back and flew right at me. Just as it touched my flesh and burned me i woke. i have 3 claw marked scars on my shoulder now............... House Of The Damned a story about how my house became haunted. Once there lived a beautiful young couple who lived out in the country. but as they found there luck great it all went wrong. The young woman had a car crash. she became disabled. The young man promised to be at her side. But as time grew on this man became greedy.. He devorced his wife but at a price. he had to pay for her expenses. this angered the man. he went in a blind rage. He took his two step children to his ex wifes house. He tied them two his old loves bed and set them on fire. With this greed god punished him. he was trapped in the house for the flames spread to quickly. the only nieghbor called the fire department. they came to late. most of the house was burned. But the city rebuilt and two families later came my family. And even to this day you can hear faint cries of help and see the evil soul of the man in the hallway.... trying to escape his eternal punishment...........of the flames made from hell. Nightmare Part 2 Demons in reality?! nearly three months after the first dream i awoke back in the V shaped room. this time i to the far right escalade. i landed inside this cafitieria. i met this kid and i blinked and i was in this weird room. the only door was to this closet. There was 4 recliners and a broom stick. suddenly darkness poored from the closet door. the demon was there. i beat him with the broom stick and knocked his head off. i sat down and his body reached for my leg. it burned my leg and i woke with the same claw marks. To Be Continued |
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| Manderson86 | May 30 2006, 11:31 PM Post #2 |
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The Laughing Man
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Aren't you the same person who made up all that crap about spirits and saving the world from evil by flying around and using portals and stuff? I think I'm beginning to see a pattern here... |
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| Emerald_Fang | Jun 1 2006, 08:42 AM Post #3 |
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Spirit's Creator* (thanks adam)
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these are ghost stories and dreams have happened to me. Some of this stuff is helping me get insperation for my book SPIRIT that if you didnt look on the anything stories SPIRIT thread to see my release schedule...... anyways i want to make Nightmare into a book. |
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| Ekaru | Jun 2 2006, 07:32 AM Post #4 |
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Its not that I don't like you. I just condencend a little.
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oooo spooky. it's good and i think Spirit will be awsome as well. |
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| Emerald_Fang | Jun 17 2006, 10:35 AM Post #5 |
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Spirit's Creator* (thanks adam)
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yea spirit is going to rock... im 12 chapters in (outa 25) and yes it rocks out LOUD.. I could give a sample but i think its to good to grace your eyes...... wait ill give 7!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yup Spirit (the story) is gonna be posted here. i should have it up soon............. i hope your ready. And ill post the rest of this stuff either 2day or tomorrow.... |
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| Enigma | Jun 17 2006, 01:28 PM Post #6 |
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Brackenwood Lightweight
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should of been in the dream forum, great story though.
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| Emerald_Fang | Jun 18 2006, 02:02 AM Post #7 |
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Spirit's Creator* (thanks adam)
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Nightmare Part 3 The Battle of the Mind It was a friend who helped me through my dark times. Telling me that i couldnt let this demon control me or my life. Then one night the dreams came back....... Instead of taking an esclade i went outside. I saw that it was a huge black plain. Thunder came from the purple sky along with a smell of sulfur. Then i saw the demon. He removed his hood and i saw his deformed face again. He spread his wings and i saw a sword on the ground next to me. I picked it up and we charge at each other. He sliced my shoulder and i turned in that split second to rip his wing clear off. He landed not to far from me, but with me injured i had to regain my ballence and stance. now he came on foot and we engaged in hand to hand combat. With each strike i felt him weakening. Then i took my sword up and pierced its blueish heart. He looked up and his eyes met with mine. This was the last time i saw them............................... This is based of a real nightmare and i cant give the full story but OOooOOOo well |
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| Best Alero of Brackenwood | Jun 18 2006, 05:37 PM Post #8 |
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>.<
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whenever i have nightmares i dream about... err i dunno doesnt make sense but everything happens extremly fast and i wake up sweating, how would u get claw marks and stuff from a nightmare? and possibly could u show a pic of the claw marks? |
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| Emerald_Fang | Jun 19 2006, 02:37 AM Post #9 |
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Spirit's Creator* (thanks adam)
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i added stuff to the story... this is a DRAFT to a story i wanna write. and for the smart ass who said he was seeing a patteren then yes you are because i used this demon as the insperation for Kensinith |
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| Best Alero of Brackenwood | Jun 19 2006, 02:40 AM Post #10 |
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>.<
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o ok so is this what is gunna happen in the story? |
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| Emerald_Fang | Jun 19 2006, 02:50 AM Post #11 |
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Spirit's Creator* (thanks adam)
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its one story (about 50 pages or so) of a nightmare including fictional characters and such and the rest is just a collection of ghost stories from northeastern ohio |
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| Ravenseye | Jun 19 2006, 12:51 PM Post #12 |
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Brackenwood Heavyweight
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Well emerald i would suggest giving your readers a bit more of a taste. When reading this i feel like im just reading sentances its not really holding me in to well. Its a intersting concept but theres nothing there thats making my eyes stay glued to the screen. You need to give it some more detail. For example im just going to make a little part of nightmare #1 more intersting. (Example:) A hood draped over the creature its hands deformed and elongated emerged from its cloak. As I stood there it turned and raised its head saying Nish Nurubu Juku. The face now visible was burnt to a scorch and flesh drooped from the bones. Eyes that burned like hell pierced mine. Great wings expanded from the creature and it flew thrashing at me. Just then it laid its claws into me and I awoke. My shoulder burning there was three claw marks engraved into it. The scars are still here to this day. (Example ended) In the little diddy i made up i took your character and gave it a bit more. I used more sensory images so people would feel like they knew this creature a little better. I also used words like scorch, drooped, pierced and so on. These words are powerful if used in the right place. They can make something more exciting then it is. For example if i said Eyes that burned like hell laid upon mine. That isnt as shocking as Eyes that burned like hell peirced mine. Anywho i hope i helped somewhat. Maybe im wrong too beacuse im not super writer i just love to write so i get into it and such!!! Im sure as hell not good at grammer though hehe. -The eye of the raven |
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| Emerald_Fang | Jun 20 2006, 02:35 AM Post #13 |
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Spirit's Creator* (thanks adam)
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yea this is just a draft and im not using TO many powerful words. Spirit the revised copy is VERY POWERFULL im talking that it has a VERY tear jerking ending.... also in the revised copy of spirit i put more detail to character relationships. My writing skill a very impressive and you gotta give me that. __ ~<Emerald>~ and why give just taste? they need to have a FEAST also in the first of my dreams the only part of its face i saw was its eyes. and raven i REALLY would like you to read my story..(Spirit)
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| Ravenseye | Jun 20 2006, 03:33 AM Post #14 |
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Brackenwood Heavyweight
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If i get the time ill read it. Another thing you should work on is the dialog. Well not exactly the dialog but the way you set it up. For instance ... Will said, Jane said, Will said, Jane said. you dont always have to put the someone said after everything they say in the sense that there talking back and forth. Example: "Its time we get going" Jane said "Agreed" Will replied "Its been a long time seince we came out here" "Yes ive been busy with work" "I understand" In conforsation you dont always have to put the jane said, will said after each one its kinda a givin in a 2 way convo for people to understand there talking back and forth. Also said is boring and should only be used every once in a while so use things like. Jane protested, Jane Grunted out, Jane shrieked ... Give your characters dialog some emotion. If there angry saying something add Jane frustratedly said. It takes away from Jane said, Will said, Jane said, Will said thing occuring. |
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| Emerald_Fang | Jun 20 2006, 04:56 AM Post #15 |
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Spirit's Creator* (thanks adam)
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>=) dialog is edited before release so don't worry everything will be fixed |
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| Ravenseye | Jun 21 2006, 04:22 AM Post #16 |
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Brackenwood Heavyweight
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im a little confused by you. You ask me for some critiqueing but when i do you tell me you are already on top of it. Did you really even want my help or just someone to read your story? |
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| Anghenfil | Jun 21 2006, 07:56 AM Post #17 |
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PELICAAAAAN
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I disagree with this critique. If you read professional writers, they very often do "he said"-"she said" kind of dialogue. It's because no one really pays much attention to the "said" tags; the brain tends to skip over them, and we use them only as a check so we know who's talking. Likewise, only use a few descriptive "said" words (like screamed, protested, angrily, peevishly). They're fun, but tend to be distracting. You can describe gestures and breaks in the dialogue if you need to give the dialogue some breathing room.
You have a serious ego problem. Let your work speak for itself instead of trying to put it on a pedestal. |
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| Emerald_Fang | Jun 21 2006, 09:54 AM Post #18 |
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Spirit's Creator* (thanks adam)
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i have a lil animation but i dont wanna do it.... 1. i take a case from pocket 2. Open case 3. take out violin 4.take out bow 5. put away case 6. put violin to check 7. put bow in hand and play violin 8. make remark "You know what this is?" 9. Wait for other person to say something 10. This is the worlds smallest violin.................. |
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| Ravenseye | Jun 22 2006, 05:46 AM Post #19 |
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Brackenwood Heavyweight
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Alright i stated it wrong. I think the word said is bland. Giving emotion to your characters gives it a bit more. Using said back and forth is commonly used but to a extent. Profesional writers dont all just go back and forth saing Said they do give there characters emotion at least through what i have seen. Anyways what i was trying to say was he didnt use any of that in his writing it was just said said said and that gets boring. Im sure you can agree Ang that if writers didnt add those little emotional words people would get bored. All in all from what i have seen is that people get bored reading something when they dont know there emotion behind it. It would be like watching two robots talk back and forth just not interesting. |
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| Anghenfil | Jun 23 2006, 01:27 PM Post #20 |
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PELICAAAAAN
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Sorry, I still kind of disagree. If you do the dialogue right, you don't need the emotional words. "I killed your mother," said Tom. "And I really enjoyed it." "You fucking bastard," said Jerry. Pretty obvious. Sadistic pleasure and anger. The only time emotional/descriptive words come in handy is if the real meaning of the dialogue is in the delivery. "I killed your mother," said Tom. "And I really enjoyed it." "You fucking bastard," laughed Jerry. Now Jerry is apparently joking around. Very different meaning. I find that when I'm writing stories, I often frame the dialogue with character actions and leave off the he said/she said tags all together.
And so on. Other than that, I rely almost entirely on the speech tags "said," "replied," and "asked." That's pretty much it. You really want to save more unusual tags like shouted, screamed, purred, whispered, quoth, growled, roared, and sang for strong emphasis or sarcasm. |
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| fuzzyillogic | Jun 24 2006, 01:16 PM Post #21 |
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certifiably psychotic
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As a quick way of sorting the weed from the chaff, publishers are known to open up potential manuscripts to a random page and simply check the quality of the dialogue. If it’s not tight (as per Anghenfil’s point) it's in the bin – no second chances. Dialogue is so unbelievably important. Be a meanie with your words. Never use a long word where a short one will do. He said, she said is not only perfectly acceptable, its desirable. |
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| Ravenseye | Jun 25 2006, 05:25 AM Post #22 |
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Brackenwood Heavyweight
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Yes i agree Ang with you completely. If you do the dialogue right you can do that. Some where along the lines i feel like you think i dont think you should do that at all. What i was trying to critque to Emerald though is that his dialogue was bland and i was suggesting that he add things in so that the dialogue had emotion behind it so the readers wouldnt get so bored reading it. Im not saying do this: "Its coming for us" Jerry screamed "Where is it i dont see it?" Sam frustratidly questioned "Its hidden in the trees" Jerry nervously said In my writing i like to do it more like this: "The car is coming right for us" John said "What should we do?" "Well we better get out of the road" Beth nervously said "Lets hide in those trees over there" Travis replied "Good idea" Beth said To me it allows the reader to see Beth is nervous. If i didnt add that then the reader wouldnt have known she was nervous. Maybe she was confident if i didnt add it or maybe she was terrified. The reader wouldnt have really known. In the end though Ang i do agree. Thats just how i like to do my writing and Emerald asked for a critque so i did on how i write. On another note Ang where can i read that story of yours? I enjoyed that little bit
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| Auctionedllama | Jun 25 2006, 05:50 AM Post #23 |
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Brackenwood Newbie
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If thats true can you show pictures of the claw marks to prove that your not making that up becasue that whole story seemed, uh, well "fishy". |
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| Anghenfil | Jun 25 2006, 08:56 AM Post #24 |
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PELICAAAAAN
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I still wouldn't have written the word nervously. It's better to show him being nervous (show and don't tell, all that jibba jabba). If I were re-writing the line: "The car is coming right for us," John said "What should we do?" Ben fidgeted with his gloves and looked around wildly. "Well, we'd better get out of the road." "Lets hide in those trees over there" Travis replied "Good idea" Beth said. The story I pulled that segment from is a sci-fi novelette I'm working on. It won't be done for a while, but thanks for noticing. :lol: |
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| Ravenseye | Jun 25 2006, 02:23 PM Post #25 |
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Brackenwood Heavyweight
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See that seems more of a distraction to me. I feel then it becomes more of a situation the reader has to ponder about. Its a good thing if you wanted to draw out the fact in my opinion that the person is nervous. Lets just face it we both have our ways of writing and thank god for that beacuse if writing was all the same i would probably explode of boredom. I enjoyed talking about it with you Ang beacuse none of my friends would actully talk about a subject like this. |
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also in the first of my dreams the only part of its face i saw was its eyes. and raven i REALLY would like you to read my story..(Spirit)



4:51 AM Jul 12