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banshee; a creepy story,takes place during night
Topic Started: Jun 28 2006, 04:14 PM (301 Views)
NimNim
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the rake has been slain
A little boy ran as fast as he could,he was not being chased by anything,it was a game he made up.Then he heard a screech,he ignored it.''SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
",the
noise was coming closer.The boy kept playing his game.Then behind him a figure emerged,it wore a cloak and had a disgusting corpse-like appearance,it let out a loud''SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
''.
The boy turned around,he could no longer hear.He cried as the skin was ripped off his bones,blood dripping every where,The last thing he saw was a corpse's bloddy eyeless face face.





please tell me if you liked it.
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spike
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The shadow in the darkness...
ummmmm well it's kinda short and "boy running, boy see's thing, thing kills boy" so yeh but it was written well u described it well but the banshee needs to have a stronger image all we know is that it looks like a corpse so a little more detail. try typing like this it adds feeling and really puts the reader in the story "it was a cold night, fresh rain blanketed the grass as the dull thudding of footsteps penatrated the silence..." well u get the idea and for the banshee chop the "ch" of screech it makes it sound better u try it SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE or SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH wateva u feel is best. but all in all keep writing and you'll eventually get the feel for it and everything will just flow. damn i've never typed so much in a reply before :blink:
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Ekaru
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Its not that I don't like you. I just condencend a little.
huh well it's a start. We could hear on how the boy stsarted the game and if it annoyed people and because of that they didn't think he was being mutilated. it was pretty good.
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