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| more of my poems!; still strange... | |
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| Topic Started: Jun 13 2007, 06:38 AM (2,919 Views) | |
| Woo | Jun 13 2007, 06:38 AM Post #1 |
Queen of all! bow before my might!
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I have no idea where these come from, and there still a little depresing, but my friends think there good. also excuse all the full stops and commas, thats just how I wright!
 First: Am I lost? I'm alone in the dark, waiting for something, someone to light the way. Can't shut out the voices in my head, trying to here the silence. live the grave. Whispers eternaty. Begs for your hand. And the second: Stop. What is this? Sound and feeling, close your eyes. Hold it close to you. Its all you have left of me. A bullet in your hands, A finger on my trigger. Wait. Give it time, hearts can heal and you'll be fine. Forget I came, Forget I went. My time here Is already spent. |
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| Idiot | Jun 15 2007, 09:14 PM Post #2 |
Brackenwood Lightweight
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Ooo! Damn, didn't see this one before I posted on the other one. Never mind, what I said there still stands. This. Stuff. Is. Fantastic. Wow! Your writing style reminds me of Carol Ann Duffy or Simon Armitage or someone, I love the 2-part structure. Specifically this one reminds me of this poem. It's called Homecoming and it uses kind of different subject matter but a similar structure. It's funny, everyone always says that having a spelling difficulty or problems with grammar is an obstacle to writing, but seeing your stuff it's clear that just isn't the case, not even slightly. I bet you could get these published if you tried - I mean really published, I'm not just saying that for the sake of it. Really really do keep writing. I know everyone always says that but really do, you've got a lot of talent there. Hmm. I'm not usually this gushing, something fishy must be going on... *narrows eyes, looks suspicious* |
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| Woo | Jun 18 2007, 03:05 AM Post #3 |
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Queen of all! bow before my might!
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Thank you!
 I know I'm gonna keep wrighting, simply because I dont want to waist a good poem idea, even if I do spell it wrong. I always apologise for my spelling because I'm so used to getting told its bad and it just saves time. I suppose I could try to get them published, if I figure out how. 
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| Woo | Jun 29 2007, 04:21 AM Post #4 |
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Queen of all! bow before my might!
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And we have two more! this first one, personaly, I think its crap. my friend says its awsome but I hate it. It just dosn't feel right to me, so I hand it over to you for comments. Your crying again as you walk down the lane, to that quiet little place called home. The emptynes and dull ache, that tell you, soon your heart will break and you feel so very alone. Lullabyes of trees as you fall to your nees. beg, let it end. Please. And no0ones around, as you lie on the ground If there were would you even have cared? But its true, if you think as you stand on the brink. Your self destruction has you scared. Forgive the spelling  this next one is more like a line of shakesperian verse. and its the first one to have a title!My Monster Created. Push them in and watch them drown, such deep water they shant be found. set about them with your knife, cut away whats left of life. When eyes are cold and heart shant beat, and blood doth swirl around there feet, you turn to where there fleash doth lie, softly smile and watch them die and with a sigh you softly say: To my soul you did this, Every Day. |
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| dutchess | Jun 29 2007, 05:56 AM Post #5 |
Brackenwood Lightweight
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Amgz. me lurves yuur poems and yoo,. my little woo =] <33 |
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| Woo | Jun 29 2007, 06:09 AM Post #6 |
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Queen of all! bow before my might!
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I know that. <_< you told me earlyer today. |
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| Woo | Jul 6 2007, 11:36 PM Post #7 |
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Queen of all! bow before my might!
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BUMP!!!! Guys, I just want some comments!!!! Tell me how these can improve!! (other than spelling)
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| scarrabee | Jul 23 2007, 09:51 PM Post #8 |
just another madman in the corner
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they sound prety depresing you should be more happy anyway there is progress in your peoms only that should ged happy els I'm not happy
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| Woo | Jul 23 2007, 11:32 PM Post #9 |
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Queen of all! bow before my might!
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I'm happy! Its just the poetic part of my brain that isn't. I don't get it. 
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| Kameo | Jul 24 2007, 12:34 PM Post #10 |
Brackenwood Newbie
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Your poems are very good. They all tend to have an underlining melancholy to them. I like that. My only criticism is.....i have some trouble with the rhythm scheme. But i get that with a lot of poems. |
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| Woo | Jul 24 2007, 07:04 PM Post #11 |
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Queen of all! bow before my might!
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Yea, I had a rhyme scheme type thing going for a while, but that just sorta went *PHOOT* and dissapeard with my nachos.
I will wright some more, in fact, I have, but I haven't checked them with people first. soon as I do that I might post them.
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| Esn | Oct 14 2007, 09:01 PM Post #12 |
MOTM for Nov 2006
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Some really nice stuff here, Woo! These are a lot easier to read than they must've been to make. I also like the fact that you try to make them rhyme. Not a lot of people bother with that anymore, but I find that a good rhyming scheme is a great thing for discipline. Do you have a Deviantart account, by any chance? [size=0](they're all the rage these days)[/size] 
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| Woo | Oct 16 2007, 07:03 AM Post #13 |
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Queen of all! bow before my might!
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no, I dont. but I have though of getting one.
never realy got round to it though.
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| Esn | Oct 17 2007, 02:22 PM Post #14 |
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MOTM for Nov 2006
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You really should. Getting people to bow before your might is difficult unless you have your own castle, dontcha know.
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| aldlv | Oct 23 2007, 08:09 AM Post #15 |
rd mfm t tlrls
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ohh.. I love your poems... they are pretty nice... I would like to read more... :lol: please...
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| Woo | Oct 26 2007, 05:22 AM Post #16 |
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Queen of all! bow before my might!
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well, seen as its you, and you asked so nicely... I'll do my best, and there may be some more soon.
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| Woo | Oct 26 2007, 08:38 PM Post #17 |
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Queen of all! bow before my might!
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Ok, this would be another poem of mine. Its the only 'succesfull' love poem type... thingy, I have written. its not that good and kinda embaresing but hell, here it is for your delectation. I want to get to know you more. Seeing you, without a floor. Running to you, door after door. My soul bleeding, my heart sore. I have to see you, hold you. Touch. So far from you, feels too much. To know your skin, the smell of your hair. The taste of your sweat and to breath the same air. The weight of your body, so close to mine. Caressing my skin, can’t wait for the time. Together at last. Like quicksand, hold fast. Free from the past. To the future, eyes cast. Kiss me, please. Hold me tight. With you, only, will I spend the night. Yea, its awfull...... Im gonna go hide in a paper bag now and act like this never happened.
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| Esn | Oct 27 2007, 07:20 AM Post #18 |
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MOTM for Nov 2006
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The only thing that seemed out of place was the "touch/much" rhyme. I'm not quite sure why. Other than that, nice job! I think you'll take care of the critique, by the looks of it.
Keep doing this, you're quite good. |
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| Woo | Dec 8 2007, 09:48 PM Post #19 |
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Queen of all! bow before my might!
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And another, its not so good. kinda hurried. but It means something. Little Wendy. Do you remember? Younger days, Have to follow, keep up with the craze. I was never cool, never on time, But that didn’t matter. To you I was fine. You kept me safe; I kept to your side. Behind you, safety. I knew I could hide. Not that I had to, you saw to that. Showed them what for, when they called me fat. Big brother, Superman. Wendy and her Peter Pan. I gave you your shadow, didn’t need mine, But time moves on, I hear bells chime. You changed, moved forwards fast. I was left tearful, alone in the past. Big brother, Peter Pan. Always, always, ‘I know you can.’ One day saw, you couldn’t cope. Found out the hard way, about the dope. Drink and smoke, seedy friends, Surrounded in the latest trends. Where’s Big brother? Superman? Poor Wendy, without her Peter Pan. Lost him to some Tinkerbelle. The grow-up tides rise and swell, Waves come crashing, hear the din. So, Wendy. Can you save him? this be it. its not to great but any hints would be apreciated.
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| some_guy | Dec 9 2007, 12:08 PM Post #20 |
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Brackenwood Lightweight
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wow...your poems are so powerful with such little effort. i actually feel the sorrow that is spoken of in this last one. so visual, vivid. this seriously makes all the poems i've ever written seem like a child's ramblings in comparison. i have no critiques because i feel every poem here is written exactly how it is meant to be and should not be changed. keep writing. i would buy a book with your work in it if there was one. |
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| Woo | Dec 12 2007, 05:24 AM Post #21 |
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Queen of all! bow before my might!
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wow, really? Dude, your my new best friend!
My day has been made! *hugs* thank you!
*happyhappyhappy*
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| StickyWicky | Dec 13 2007, 02:51 AM Post #22 |
Scientia est Vox!
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This is the first time I've looked here I think. And I must say, you are amazing at this, keep it up. The last one, like some guy said, was incredibly good. Now you've set yourself a high standard 
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| Woo | Dec 13 2007, 05:03 AM Post #23 |
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Queen of all! bow before my might!
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YAY! People like me!
and Im on my second page! *happydance*
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| Woo | Jan 4 2008, 11:01 PM Post #24 |
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Queen of all! bow before my might!
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to any who care to know, I have a little treat for you!
its..... ANOTHER POEM!
 bet non of you saw that coming. its based on the second poem on my first post in this thread, and it could almost be like a start to the one I did first, if that makes sence. (same beggining to it)Stop. What is this? Sound and feeling, let it go. Can't hold on to me forever I'll leave one day you know. I will kiss you, but not say goodbye. To leave you yet would be to die. For you only my heart will beat, don't get up. Just stay in your seat. I'm not gone yet, this isn't my time. After its happened I'll give you a sign. I'll send you word and let you know. But, for now. Just let me go. Yea, its kinda crap. think I lost track halfway through. ^.^; and a little one: Hit it. Drop the line. Say it now, it'll be fine. Think, whats to gain? But the words you use, they count towards things you might lose. Its just a moment, so let it be. Some time later you will see. I kinda like that one, its short and sweet.(ish) and one my English teacher likes: I change see how I do? But not for me, and not for you. I grow. see how I learn? That love leads only a heart to yearn. I bleed. see you the pain? Reddest ribbons, and crimson rain. I fall. See you the end? who will catch me? you, my friend? and thats quite enough for now. Im sure your all fed up of my weird poet moodienes. (because Im normaly so cheerfull :D) |
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| Woo | Jan 19 2008, 07:59 AM Post #25 |
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Queen of all! bow before my might!
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wow, triple post.
well, I only just did this in about... 20 seconds? it was litteraly 'think of a word while I type it' so, its probably crap but let me know. once again no clue where it came from.THUD- was that the beating of my heart? THUD- was that your car about to start? THUD- was that the closing of a door? THUD- was that my body hitting the floor? CLICK- was that the key in the lock today? CLICK- was that my life being shut away? CLICK- was that to do with the pain you hide? CLICK- was that because of your poise and pride? TICK- that’s the seconds, moving past. TICK- of what I heard,that’s the last. TICK- that’s the sound, then another- THUNK- that’s when they found me in your trunk. so I expect a few replies, let me know what I can do to twiddle with it. |
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