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| Freestyle; I wonder what it's about! | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Aug 6 2007, 11:17 PM (183 Views) | |
| CountingSheep | Aug 6 2007, 11:17 PM Post #1 |
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Brackenwood Lightweight
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Well, I clicked the new topic button and now I'm writing this. Meaning, I don't have anything to post yet. So, what your about to read will probably contain several consistency errors and weather I write it now or wrote it three years ago and proof read the hell out of it, it's going to have grammar errors everywhere. Enjoy! So, there I was (don't you love it when stories start like this?), locked in a tool shed. Everywhere I looked their was nothing but objects of pointyess (not a word) and the occasional corrosive liquid. The moment the door had shut on its own and the lock locked itself, I knew they wanted to kill me. Perhaps I should have loved them more. The chainsaw leaped first, its engine whirling and blade spinning. I shrieked and grabbed for a paint bucket by its handle. With a grunt I smashed the bucket into the saw blade and sparks cascaded through the shed. The saw bounced away on the ground spinning in a violent circle. Pain suddenly shot up my thigh as the BBQ meat probe dug into my ass. I ripped it out and threw it across the room. It collided with the wall and bent inward. The garden rake fell forward and scratched my cheek. I jumped back and hit the chemicals shelving causing gasoline and herbicide to poor down my back before I could leap away. The whirling chain saw cut a tow cable and my 10 speed that had been dangling from the ceiling swung down and knocked me across my face. I bounced off the wall and tripped over the leaf blower that fell in front of me. It clicked in reverse and began sucking up nails from a small box that tipped over. Dazed I looked forward and the chainsaw had spun like a top right for my head. I lifted myself up just in time and blade scraped across the floor where I had just been (so much suspense!). A cardboard box fell harmlessly on my head, then several light bulbs rained down on me. Most bounced off and broke on the floor, but others rather painfuly broke on my head. I started getting dizzy from the fumes. Then then our push mower started on the other side of the room. It revved so loud the glass jars of screws and remaining light bulbs all shattered. I covered my ears the mower jerked forward, doing a wheelie and exposing its twirling helicopter blades. For a moment I imagined myself being bits of wet chunks in its catcher bag. I stepped backwards and tripped on that damn leaf blower again! The lawnmower ramped off of the leaf blower barrel and aimed strait for my face. I reached for its tires and caught them just in time. The back wheels propped to my thighs and it revved even harder, its blades spinning so violently they almost sucked me in. Finally I pulled my head back and I pushed off the lawn mower as hard as I could. It sailed in the air, its handle hit and the mower propped strait up. For one terrifying moment I though it was going to to fall back on me. Instead though, it tipped all the way over and the blades collided with the chainsaw. Both machines screamed and a hunk of the lawnmower blade cut right through the aluminum wall inches from my head. Silence I thought for a moment. Then I recognized the loud buzzing and looked to my left. Their the leaf blower bag was almost 3 times the size of a basket ball and I barely had time to turn my head, let alone blink, before it blew up and scattered metal shrapnel all over my body, and the room. My arm and side throbbed and my ass still hurt when a dancing flame on the floor cough my eye. It was at the drain but I could see a trail of liquid leading from it to the tipped over gas can. I scrambled to my feet and ran for the door. As I just got past the drain a flame shot up, what ever gas was in it had ignited and it nearly lit my ass on fire. A few steps from the door and a evil garden hoe bounced off of its rack and right in my path. In perhaps the most cartoon moment of my life I stepped on the hoe and its handle flipped up and hit me in the face. Staggering backwards, I almost stepped into a flame. Looking down I could see the gas fumes very close to the fire. I burst for the door and threw my body weight against it. The hinges popped and the door collapsed with me on top of it outside the shed. I scrambled to my feet and ran about half a step before the shed exploded. The wind was knocked out of me from hitting the ground and my back felt like it was on fire from the leaping flames. I rolled over and sat up looking at the burning inferno that used to be my garden shed. I took a deep breath, relived that it was over, when the garden sheers stuck into the ground, my right leg between either side of the blades that didn't make it quite deep enough in the ground to reach the flesh. I'm never buying from Walmart again. End >> That was random. Hope you enjoyed it, it made me chuckle.
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6:44 PM Jul 11