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NightClub; Fan Fiction
Topic Started: Sep 4 2007, 05:31 PM (342 Views)
Master Rade
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The Sexy Latino Supremeo
(I did this for another forum that I mostly now chill at )
Here is there flash
Night Club


(Spell check and grammer check fixed at my best that I can do for now )

It was just another day in Neotroplis as Ralph was coming back from work in a local small grocery store. The pay was not much but it was decent amount for him to live on. When really all he wanted was just running water and something to eat now and then. Clean clothes was also another thing. Ralph always wanted to come out looking smooth. However he wasn’t living the life of rich or famous so he made do with the cloths he had on his back. A slick faded out red jacket and a white wife beater under it for now. Then there is his really old bargain bin sneakers that were really faded way . Along with his usual black leather belt that was keeping his worn out blue jeans from falling. His dad gave it to him when he was little and ever since then that was the only belt he ever used. His folks always hated how his pants would drop a lil and show off his boxers. Dad and mom would give him a wedge if they ever caught that. Fighting was always second nature to Ralph and his family. Over any stupid thing, it did not matter. It was a funny way to express their love to one another. When it was over, things were said and done but in the end they were still family. His only family he knew and had which was kinda sad. Ralph never had time in the past to make friends in highschool. Couldn’t ever now ever since no one knows he still existed.

“Dam Its late”

Ralph mumble to himself as he walk the cold bare streets of Neotroplis alone with the only form of defense on him was a plastic bag of groceries. He was the only kid really gutsy to pull shit like this. He been told to get a ride home or pay for a cab. However if any one knew him more personally they would understand why he couldn’t do that. Ralph during the days spend most of his time at work now. College was to much money but he was a smart kid. A straight A+ student and outstanding athlete.

“If I have to deal with another lousy customer”

Ralph rants to himself as he makes his way home. It was his usual routine now for the rest of his life. Work home and work but I would be lying if did not part take in some extra activities.
The streets were quiet late at night and some of the street lights were never on his side of town. It was so dark at his side of town that no body dare to brave it on foot. Let alone on their own with unknown dangers that now roam the streets. Cause of this fear the streets always remain empty from time to time. Ralph like this because it only made getting to home much easy. So he hope for, however what kind of life would it be with out its dangers.

“Dam another broken street light today!?”

Ralph laugh, he found this funny because how well he knew the route that now he was keeping count on things. Now the streets went from dim to pure darkness. Ralph eyes adjusting to what ever light that was at hand. He stumbles and pumps into uplifts of concrete or trips over potholes on the floor and trash that would be pick up by the wind. Try to rely on his other human sense’s to guide him back home. He was only human and nothing special about him. The most he does would be lifting 130 pounds on his own.


“Finally Im home and the house is still intact”


His house was the only one that had some glow of candle light coming out from his front window. Ralph opens the screen door first and just opens the next door . He never lock the doors. He had no reason really for it.

“Mom ! DAD! Sis! Im home yall!. OH Geez I had a rough day at work. The boss man made me did some heavy lifting but it was worth it. I got a bonus in my paycheck so bless him”

He shouted in mellow mood as he kick off his sneakers while he went to the front window and snatch the candle. Wax pour slightly on his hand it sting for a second but dry and harden.

“Aw dang”

Ralph could not drop the candle so he bare with the pain.

“ That’s it im going to get us some flash lights”

Ralph now storing away his dry foods into a pantry. The kitchen was spotless clean and so was the whole house from top to bottom. Despite the rickety old looks the place was banging well inside. The only trouble is that it was completely dark and eery but to Ralph it was home. When he was finish Ralph headed down a hall and pass some doors where his father and mother bed room was at. He knocked and enter and spotted the whole family beside the big comfy bed.

“Hey yall I got my paycheck for this week so I figure if I keep saving enough. Maybe I don’t know, we can get the lights back in here or something. It would be nice to have a fridge again”

HE sigh as he look deeper into their shadowy faces as he now held up his candle towards them so he could illuminate his sight. He now sat down on a chair that was beside the bed. Lay his hand on top of a picture frame and pick it up from off the side of the bed. He continue to talk as he now lay the candle on top of a shelf. In loving memory said the picture frame in small cloudily shape letters over the picture of his family and him. A snap shot of them all fighting but in a harmonic scene in which it was playful fighting. Ralph gasp for air and breath slowly. His breathing was normal however he knew he could not lie to his own body. Trying to hold back tears but he could not stop them. No matter how hard he try as he continue on talking. The tears would drip past his eye lids.

“ Right so ill keep on doing this job and hopefully I get the juice back into this place.”

Ralph voice was still clear and steady and mellow but his eyes... His eyes were saying something else. As a stray tear was about to fall onto the frame Ralph with out thinking caught it with his finger. He would not even allow a single tear come to harm his family pic for it meant so much to him. He made sure now to keep the entire frame way from his face and so he pick it up from his lap and kept it at a distant. He felt so alone and felt so sad and if anything he felt lost.

“ Yo don’t sweat it, I have the next day off now since shelly is covering for me. So ill be able get me some free time to figure things out.”

Ralph got up and stretch for a moment. His face drench in his tears he now stop and his waterworks came to a stop.

“Well its late ill be heading to bed so Ill see you all in the morning”

Ralph place the family pic on top of the bed but this time in the center as he pick up the candle and shut the door behind him. He went pass the kitchen and headed upstairs to the left to his room. He stumble into bed as he dry his face with his pillow. His mind clear once again he stare at the ceiling for moment. As the candle remain besides him on top of a chair. He breath gently for a moment and sigh. He move his hands through his scruffy spiky mildly outgrown hair and figure it was time for a cut. He got up and undress and went to brush his teeth and soon it was not long before he pass out on the bed with nothing on but his boxers. Forgetting to sleep under the blankets. Slightly his head missing the pillow. The candle still was lit and oddly enough it did not went out till the first ray of sun light hit it.

Morning came and Ralph was in store for another day of work. or was he.
Now that it was morning his entire room was visible Every were from the floor to his table and dress counter was fill with ammunition and by the walls gun racks. He had everything from
Dual 9MM Pistols that carry 16 bullets in the clip. Then there was his Sawed Off shotgun and MP5's. Some very big daggers and sets of clothing ready for moving quickly and cutting through air. Ralph was pure human all right but now he was a lone wolf and not by choice. You would say he is just some kid who thinks he is Rambo but if you look into his eyes. You could tell he’s very depressed and torture soul inside.

“ Well its my day off *yawn* Time to go hunting ”

End of intro

Let the fan fiction manga commence!
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-AnTiSeAl-
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Limon lemime
I only read about half-way so far, but it seems to me your character narrates his actions too much. If it was dark you wouldn't say "I'm going to get some candles" You would just go get some candles.

I would get it if this was written in a noir style, but seeing how it doesn't seem to be done that way, It makes the character 'state the obvious' too much; therefore making him look a tad bit tacky.

Come to think of it this is used in Anime quite a bit. Huh, I've never realized that till just now.
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Master Rade
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The Sexy Latino Supremeo
All the more reason why im just going to illustrate from now on but thank you for reading half way at least :lol:
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Master Rade
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The Sexy Latino Supremeo
Chapter one
Friends

(If you read this all- bless you)
(If you pretend to read it all- Fu-- you!)


Ralph was making his way to the bathroom passing by the first door when a loose fist swings at him straight in his right cheek. Just missing him only by a few mm grazing the surface of his face. Ralph dodge quick and acted well with his instincts that were much sharper then most average humans. His movement is quick during the day than they were at night. Even tough the light was artificial it was the brightness that gave him strength for some reason. Darkness did him no good and living in a whole world cover in grim shadows and full of night makes it hard for him to survive.

“Good morning”
Ralph said in glee as he chuckle a lil to himself. Gazing over at his attacker which happen to be his friend Leroy

“Don’t good morning me Rade your getting sloppy”
Leroy made a fast jab with much stronger force then you can imagine a demi human could have. He miss again only now hitting the wall leaving a large gaping hole that can leave you see straight into the bathroom.

“Oops”
Leroy now feeling slightly responsible for that

“ Dam it Leroy your going to fix that when the day is over with ”
Ralph jump up and kick Leroy in the gut sending him flying past the stairs crashing at the bottom with a loud wrecking sound.

“Ha ha ha ha dang Rade chill”
Leroy getting up with no trouble even after falling down the stairs
“Its been a month right since our last mission, taught you would be very rusty over the weeks from lack of training or any action”

Ralph looking down from the top of the stairs he sigh
“Leroy why cant we ever meet each and say hi like normal people”

Leroy now heading to the kitchen he peek into the pantry making sounds of munching on what ever Ralph had brought back from his job.

Moments later Rade was in kitchen dress in his usual jeans but his black outcast shirt with damage cut sleeves.
“Hungry?”
Rade staring at the empty boxes of what was his breakfast
as he stands in front of Leroy with a rumbling stomach
“Nah im good for now Rade thanks for asking”
He shortly belch when Ralph pause for a moment then Leroy stood up towering over Rade at a height of 6'2 weighting at 200. He was bit of a porker but he had the some strong moves and was faster then Rade at night like the rest of the demi’s .

“So what you been up to Leroy”
Rade gave smile he was happy to see his friend again

“Nothing much just doing the ususal, fighting clubbing keeping the streets safe for my kind and yours”
Leroy walk past Ralph as he headed to the front door but then look back at Ralph smiling a smile that show all his teeth.

“Got you a spot in the Oggie Boogie club”
Leroy was waiting for it

Ralph just stare at him and just stare and then it hit him

“FOR REAL!”
Ralph in seconds was grabbing him by the shirt collar and starting frantically shaking him in glee
“NO WAY YO”
Ralph was shaking the hell out of Leroy making him rather sick in the head and getting dizzy

“Relax Rade you making me sick all over”
Leroy giant size hand was on top of Ralph head got a hold of him and try to stop him. He push him down to get him to sit and relax for a moment

“When do we go! When do we go!” Ralphsaid in a eager voice

Leroy turn the door nub and open the door showing the limo outside waiting for them both
“Now so hurry up and get what you need”



Moments later inside the Limo Roy and Ralph were in the middle of conversation

“Keep it clean in here I just vacuum the seats Rade!”
Leroy own the limo, it was how he was making his money. Driving high rollers or any man or woman with money. You would want Leroy behind wheel only if you were running away from some one. He made a perfect body guard and driver all in one so his business was never safe.
However as dangerous the job could get the paid was worth it. Allow him to leave a clean good life.

“So what has Oggi e and Boogie been doing?”
Leroy looking back in the mirror he watch Ralph and reply back”

Things been getting crazy and Oggie and Boogie don’t trust hiring new security for the place. They have a feeling some one is out for them. I cant blame them really, there club is the hottest spot. Every one goes there both human and demons alike. However you know how much we keep the place clean. When one of our boys caught some drug dealing we put a stop to that.

“Ya I know how much you hate drugs and so does the brothers”
Ralph was starting to wonder this was not going to be a fun trip to a club but more like a mission.

“Right so I guess now that we ban a lot of people from the club and have been scanning people they manage to make some enemies. Oggie and Boggie club rep wont be tarnish because of some scum. We are the cleanest club and were only about the music, dancing and-“

“Woman!”
Ralph said as he interrupted

Leroy look at Ralph and laughed
“Ya ya there always nice woman at the club... Rade you should quit your dead end grocery job. Why not work with me in the limo business or do security and chill with Oggie and Boogie”

Rade frown at the idea when he taught about it, it reminded him about his family.

“Thanks Leroy but I like working at my place besides I get food their half the price”
Leroy finally reach the club and the ride came to a end as he park the limo besides the Nigh Club in the parking lot. The building was tall at 4levels including a basement. Each floor with its different usage. The basement was dark with the only lights were neon glow sticks or the floors that lit up like old school disco and the lights and magic that fill the room when you step on to the floor made you want to dance. The Oggie Boogie club was a sanctuary for humans or demons alike that put a side to difference and learn to just have fun. Admission was cheap but you had to come in only with the cloths on your back or you would get deny. The first floor was the entrance which had the usual newbies just chatting or hitting on some one as they listen to the tunes inside the club. The third floor was court room it had some great food you be surprise that club would serve. The chef never spoke English so trying to get a order in was hard but worth it. Fourth floor was the control center that control the juice and music. The Dj was Oggie or Boogie. Their street names but Ralph still remember them as Kevin and Karen. They were twin brothers and sisters at the age of 23. Leroy was only 2yrs older then them and myself well I guess being 18 still made me a kid around them.



“So Leroy hows the place been like, last time I’ve been here you guys were just starting up the club. Mom always wanted to come here when Karen and Kevin first open it. Wish she was here to see it” Ralph all most choke when he mention his mom



“Im sure she would have like this place too”
Leroy place a firm hand on Ralph shoulder as he talk in a soft tone.

“Race you there!”
Leroy shove Ralph to the side and starting running to the door. That made Ralph laughed and Leroy always knew how to cheer him up some how when ever he got sad on him.

“Your fat ass will never be faster then me!”

Ralph now went into sprint he was getting close faster and faster making his way across the street to the other side of the road. The Night club was two buildings in fact. A Decoy and a real one. One side was the real entrance while the other side was the building. You would have to go through a number of screens and checks by the security first. Then the real entrance would lead you to a tunnel underground straight into the building across the other side. As Leroy made it just about to the door Ralph was still one the street and then a car game whizzing by so fast but it never hit Ralph. In such reckless manner Ralph jump over the car like a hurdle and crash pass on Leroy as they both tumble and land over the two bouncers. The two bouncers were close friends of Oggie and Boogie were standing out side keep watch always Boring job since there where never lines or any one to bully around. Just a building color with spray paint on the side of it with the words “ Oggie & Boogie“ in graffiti form. So silent outside that you could hear your own heart beat.


“Cant you two act your dang age”
Steel shouted in protest he was the larger bouncer at 5'12 with 180 pounds on his side dress in a suit and tie like some agent. Hair neatly cut and trim down to just about nothing as his gold teeth was large out standing. His face dark like the night and his eyes always keeping watch unlike his co worker Mark who was dress for the beach . Cover in shades and a white tea with shredded away sleeves and blue shorts with sneaks. He was 5'10' at 230 pounds and was very bald and pale skin.

“Nah!”
Both Leroy and Ralph shouted back in steel ear as Mark open the secret door and led them both in. The screening was fast and moments later they were entering th tunnel and could hear the sounds of music. The place was like everything in one- rave techno disco jazz blues it had just about everything on certain days but to day they had electronic dance.

“Rade! ROY ”
Two voices shouted out from the end of the tunnel it was Boogie(Karen) Oggie (Kevin)
They stood there dress all rave out with glow sticks around their necks. Making puppy eye dog faces with their blue eyes and blond hair. They always did this when they were going to ask him for a favor.

Chapter 2 (comingsoon)
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Idiot
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Brackenwood Lightweight
It's a nice story, but your grammar's terrible! It sometimes reads a bit more like a plot outline for a comic or a movie than a piece of fiction, but I can see where the idea's coming from and I like it. It would probably make a better manga than a mini-novel though, like you said - I tried imagining the events as panels in a comic and it got much better. You're good at telling a story, though, there's a lot of imagination in there. :)
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Master Rade
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The Sexy Latino Supremeo
Idiot
Sep 23 2007, 10:27 AM
I tried imagining the events as panels in a comic and it got much better. You're good at telling a story, though, there's a lot of imagination in there. :)

Thank you that has to be like the best reply ever!
Finally some one in BW that can understand my writing. :bfoot:
You made my day diot :D
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