Viewing Single Post From: Rants

Viewing Single Post From: Rants
Mythos	Oct 4 2008, 06:12 PM
Advanced Member Posts: 169 Group: Emissaries Member #208 Joined: June 4, 2008	[A tinny little tune plays as the camera zooms in on me sitting at my desk, idly scratching my crotch] Hey kids, it's time for another Malicious Mythos Rant! [Kids in the audience all yay] [Camera films as I type, my voice narrating as I write] Well, the otha day I gawt Star Wars: The Force Unleashed for the Wii! Well, my father got it for his Wii, but I've been playing it. First of all, let me say that Lucasart's attempt to make the Wii remote work well with the controls is not the lighsaber duel to the death action power I had been told of. You are told four basic moves: Left Swing, Right Swing, Jab and Uppercut. Each has its own special movement, but you just end up swinging the Wii remote randomly like some skinhead with a smashed bottle in an alleyway. All other moves require very little Wii remote interaction, save for the quick time events, which are as heavy as a sumo wrestler who has lost interest in life and let himself go. ANyway, on with the story! You play as Darth Vader's secret Apprentice, only known as Starkiller, who undergoes secret missions for the Dark Lord, and together they plan to overthrow the Emperor. The real appeal of the game is The Force; you can tear enemies around like your playthings, throw things at them, choke them, and generally give them a bad day. The only problem is you don't get much chance to use your almighty Dark Powers because you're being gang banged by several thousand melee troopers at once. So, you go around the galaxy, twatting rebels and stormtroopers alike with your lightsaber as you go. The thing I like about this game a lot is the unlockables. There is an array of unlockable costumes for you to outfit your dark pawn in, including a lot of tight leather slightly homo-erotic suits, but there are some good ones too. Then there is the artwork gallery. You unlock concept art by collecting Holocrons, ancient holodisks left behind by the Jedi. The cunning thing is, in some artwork, there are words written in the corners and if you enter these words into the cheat console, you unlock special costumes! Clever, eh? Also, throughout the levels, you can collect Lightsaber Crystals and Lightsaber Hilts, so you can pimp your powerstick out to look however you want! Despite it's delightful fitting in with the lore (Re-visiting places from other Star Wars games, only this time to destroy rather than defend), I somehow can't help be notice some things that are completely unfitting; droids with holographic properties, which is technology unattainable even by the Empire yet, and on missions to the planet Felucia, you practically trip over Rancors, which do live on the planet, but you wouldn't run into that many...and also there is a Sarlaac pit there, which I find highly peculiar... The story is...average. It's nothing deep, nothing shallow. It is very simple; there's nothing that will make you gasp or sit, jaw-agape as you watch the cutscene unfold. The graphics are pretty good for the Wii, but some of the effects (such as water) are just terrible and shoddy. All in all, I think I shall give this game a 3.5 out of 5. [Camera zooms out, while the children cheer and clap. Another tinny tune plays merrily.]


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