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Mending a Broken Heart; click for summary
Topic Started: Oct 14 2007, 01:20 PM (1,947 Views)
xXamoursanglant
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I've got a heart that can hold love... Sara Ramirez, Grateful
Mending a Broken Heart
Disclaimer: Not mine
Archinving: With permission
Rating: R
Warning: Character death!
Summary: What happens after a tragedy strikes Seattle Grace? Can one of our favorite characters battle through her depression, have a baby, raise her child, and get her life back? Will she find love again?

(crapy summary but I can't give it all away)

Addison sat looking out the window to her apartment in California. Her face was drawn, weary and pale, her hair not so full of luster or as long as it once had been. She had her legs pulled to her chest, her head resting on her knees, tear stained cheeks, and salty droplets of the last few tears she shed fading on her blue jeans and tank top. Her eyes were puffy and she could barely see between her blurred vision.

Three months had gone by of her sitting and looking and crying. She couldn’t get past this. She knew that it would haunt her from this point in her life until the day she died, although it already felt like inside she had died. Getting away from Seattle and the god forsaken rain was only half of her reason for calling Naomi to see if the job was still open. The other half was to try to forget the pain that she constantly felt, but the entire move was to no avail.

She still felt lifeless. She still felt like a part of her died that day. The day that she lost the most precious thing in her life. The day she couldn’t forget, because it haunted her every waking moment. The day her life took a turn for the worst. The days she lost the love of her life.

Eleven years of a failed marriage, months upon months of failed relationships she thought she was doomed for failure, until she came into her life sweeping her off her feet. She sighed and hiccupped while fresh tears rimmed her eyes. She pulled her legs closer to her body to shield herself from the salty breeze that shook her hair free from its confines due to its shortness in length. It was now barely below her jaw line framing her face.

People say you know the moment you meet your soul mate that you are meant to be together for the rest of your lives. What people didn’t say was exactly what happened to Addison. She got to feel the love and the happiness of being with her only to have it ripped away within several years down the road.

How someone’s best and worst times of their lives could clash and collide the way hers did was completely beyond her. When her and Callie met for the first time Addison could feel that jolt of electricity run through her body. It came out at one of the worst times and yet the best time. The Carr case took a great toll on her and Callie made her feel so much better with just a simple smile. And that’s when she knew. She knew that it was meant to be her and Callie for the rest of their lives… not the rest of Callie’s life.

Four years later, after over coming the challenges and hardships of their relationship at work, after starting to settle down and moving in together, after deciding to have a family of their own; Callie was ripped from her grasp violently and all she had left was the broken and tattered pieces of her heart that only Callie could mend. And she wasn’t here to mend them. She wasn’t here to dry her tears or kiss her lips. She wasn’t here to hold her or comfort her when she was sick and huddling in a corner of the bathroom due to morning sickness. And she wouldn’t be here when the baby finally came. Their baby, a symbol of their life, love, and happiness. Now was the only thing she had left.

Addison couldn’t stomach the thought of raising the life inside of her without Callie. It was something she simply could not handle. She needed help and for the life of her she did not know who to turn to.

She took a deep breath willing herself to calm down and stop shaking but it was no use, the unshed tears fell from her eyes and she screwed them shut tightly. She knew if this kept up that she could possibly endanger the baby, but she couldn’t stop feeling depressed or devastated. She felt like her life was at an end, like she had nothing left to live for, and there were days she couldn’t get out of bed in the mornings. There were days she just sat and cried. She didn’t want to hurt the baby, that was the last thing she wanted. She just didn’t know how to not feel this way or feel happy anymore.

Letting her arms fall from her and her legs lay straight she simply sat limp like that until her tears dried on her face. She took a deep shuddering breath and rose to her feet slowly and slid her jeans off her legs. She took a deep breath moving to her bed and settled down under the covers. She shut her eyes and let the soft waves of sleep wash over her and could only pray that she didn’t have the dream again.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

People were running and screaming. Walls and windows were crushed against the sheer force of the wind or other objects that slammed the sides of the hospital repeatedly. Rain came in through the roof and the open walls. There was water in the streets causing both pile ups and washing away of cars and in some cases people. This had to be the worst storm in the history of Seattle.

Addison wasn’t quite paying attention to her surroundings and jumped when she heard a crash that came through one of the windows straight for her. She was too shocked to move. She heard someone running towards her and turned to see Callie. “Addison!” She waved her arms and ran towards her. “Addison get out of the way!”

When she looked back to the window a metal rod was inching towards her threatening to take her life along with the baby’s and Callie wouldn’t let that happen. She ran faster her heart pounding in her ears. She reached out feeling Addison’s arm and shoved her side ways feeling a sharp stab in her back just above her right lung.

Addison flew to the ground and looked up quickly and heard a scream escape her throat. “Callie!”

Callie looked down seeing the offending object protruding from her abdomen and looked back to Addison. Horror was written on her face as she saw Callie’s knees grow weak and she covered her mouth with her hand feeling her tears run down her face. She crawled to Callie who was now kneeling on the floor and hesitated to touch even her face. She looked from her face to her abdomen and back to her face not knowing whether or not to pull the metal from her body or not.

She knew this would be a fatal wound, she had seen enough to know that Callie’s lung was damaged and that with the hospital’s power out there was no way to save her. Addison felt more tears sneak their way out from the corners of her eyes. “No…” She whispered looking at Callie. “Why…” She cried.

“You… the baby…” Addison hushed her and took her hand. She stretched her arms around Callie one hand gripping the metal and the other holding on to Callie for dear life. She tugged roughly sliding the metal out easily to a point.

Callie screamed out in pain and Addison shuddered as sobs wracked her body and her vision blurred. “I’m sorry…” She pulled Callie closer to her and as hard as she could pulled her as she pulled the metal. Finally it gave and she threw it aside catching Callie in her arms. “I’m so sorry…” She cried rocking Callie in her arms.

“Shhh…” Her hand brushed Addison’s face weakly. “I’m not… you’re safe, the baby is safe.”

“Callie…”

“No Addy…” She gasped and coughed, blood flowing from the corner of her mouth and her eyes shut while her other hand gripped Addison tightly. When she opened her eyes she looked straight at Addison. “I love you… Always remember that…” She coughed again. “I lo…” Her sentence was cut short by a harsh gasp and stillness rushed over her body as her eyes slowly shut.

Addison shook her head. She couldn‘t believe it, she wouldn‘t believe it. “No… Callie… No don’t do this to me… I can’t do this alone… You can’t leave me…” She paused gripping her shoulders and shaking her gently. “Callie!” She cried placing her head over her chest still holding her hand rocking back and forth as her shoulders shook.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Addison woke with a start sitting up feeling the sweat making the sheet stick to her body. Fresh tears rimmed her eyes and she brought her hands to her face as her body shook violently. When she looked up she saw blood on her hands. Callie’s blood. She rushed out of bed and turned the shower on. She stripped and got under the steaming water letting it pound over her back and wash away her tears. She hiccupped and felt bile in her throat. There was so much blood. Her hands, her legs, and torso were covered in Callie’s blood and she felt like now it covered her again. She had never seen so much blood in her life and she cried and felt the bile make its way past her lips and spill from her mouth as she coughed and tears streamed down her face.

Her stomach still wretched and she could feel more liquid fill her mouth, thought it was now mostly water. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and rested her back against the shower wall nearest her. She hugged her legs close to her body and stayed there until the water turned cold.

She slowly got out and wrapped a towel around herself. She set her hand on her belly and sniffled using her other hand to wipe her tears away. She went back to her bed and stripped it covering it quickly with new sheets and dropped the towel climbing carefully into bed and pulling the sheet around her hugging them to her body and she softly cried. Listening to her heart beat in her ears she let the tears fall and finally lull her into a deep sleep.
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mcnaughty
Medical Student
:( *sobs* That was so sad and so good. I don't know if I can handle dead Callie, though.
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xXamoursanglant
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I've got a heart that can hold love... Sara Ramirez, Grateful
mcnaughty
Oct 14 2007, 03:00 PM
:( *sobs* That was so sad and so good. I don't know if I can handle dead Callie, though.

I know its sad but I didn't want to kill Addison that'd be like puh wel unheard of... besides that it starts out as Callie Addison it might change into an Izzie Addison eventuall or maybe even Violet not sure yet
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binks
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Now I really am dead after reading this fic lol pms
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Cadison328
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well at least they're not coming at you with pitchfork and fames like you were scared of
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xXamoursanglant
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I've got a heart that can hold love... Sara Ramirez, Grateful
haha true that... i kno at least one person will tho... yikes... :(
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Cadison328
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eh anyone who tries i'll bust out my own pitchforks
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xXamoursanglant
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I've got a heart that can hold love... Sara Ramirez, Grateful
aww look at you coming to my rescue lol ;)
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xXamoursanglant
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I've got a heart that can hold love... Sara Ramirez, Grateful
Chapter Two

Addison couldn't remember a day that she hadn't cried. She is four months pregnant and she keeps thinking that she can't do it on her own. Everyone keeps telling her not to worry that they are all here for her. Naomi was especially supportive. But as much as they all helped, she missed Callie, she needed Callie. And she didn't have Callie. Somehow, she needed to move past this and start living her life again.

Depression was no way to go especially when pregnant, Addison knew that. Violet happened to come up behind her and start talking nearly scaring her half to death. She jumped and a hand automatically made its way over her heart. "Jesus you scared me." She turned around and smacked Violet lightly.

"Sorry." Violet stared at her for a moment and noticed that her eyes were puffy. "Are you alright?" Addison looked at her awkwardly but saw that she was truly sympathetic and wanted to help.

She sighed. "No, I'm not." She sniffed and wiped her nose. "I'm not okay." She then picked up her charts and held them to her chest. "I have to go."

Before Violet could get another word out she was gone, her dark auburn hair flowing behind her. She watched for a little while mesmerized by how Addison's body seemed to move with such grace. When she first meet her four years ago her grace had come easy and took little effort, now it was all she could do to keep living. And Violet was scared that if it wasn't for the life growing inside her she might not find a reason to live anymore.

A couple of hours later Violet managed to get Addison alone. "Look, I'm just saying that if you want to talk I'll listen."

"I don't need psychobable to tell me I'm fucked up. I know I'm in a bad place right now." Addison said defeated.

"I just want to help." Violet said reaching out for Addison's arm on instinct. Addison pulled away out of reflex. She couldn't stand anyone to touch her anymore. "You need help Addison."

"No, I need Callie."

"Callie isn't coming back." Violet said frustratingly.

Addison slapped her across her face leaving a slight red mark. "Don't." She said and walked off in the opposite direction.

Violet held a hand to her cheek feeling it get hot. She had went to far but Addison needed to hear it. Tears slightly welled in her eyes after she started to feel the sensation of the slap Addison had delivered. She didn't want to be on the other end of one of those again, but had a feeling that she just might be. She had had enough of the depressed Addison however and decided it was time to intervene and talk with Naomi about getting her help.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*

Violet burst through the door to Naomi's office and let it slam behind her. "What the hell Violet!?" She said looking up from her current ask.

"She is out of control Naomi. She is..." Violet growled then clenched her fists and tried to breathe. "She needs help."

Violet was angry and it took a moment for Naomi to see the red mark that was on the left side of her face. "She hit you." Naomi asked softly.

"Slapped, but yes. And I deserved that. But she does need help Naomi." Violet was more calm than before. "She can't do this on her own. She's pregnant, grieving, and she needs someone to help her."

"Okay we get her help then." Naomi stated. "She's going to start talking to you everyday."

"I don't think that is going to help on its own. She needs someone familiar to latch onto emotionally. She doesn't have that with us as much as you want to contest that, you know she doesn't."

"I don't know if that's the best thing right now."

"Naomi listen to me, she is going to self destruct if someone isn't there by her side. You know she only came here because she didn't want to be in Seattle anymore."

Naomi nodded. "Okay and what do you suppose we do then?"

"I think we need to call around and find out who she was friends with. Someone has to know something."

"Okay, I need you to do that and I need to finish this paper work." Violet nodded and left. She walked slowly to her office thinking. She knew that making Addison get help wasn't her place, but she recognized the signs of depression and self destructive behavior anywhere after all these years. Just as she reached her door she felt a hand on her arm. She turned to look seeing Addison.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have slapped you."

Violet sighed. "No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed so hard."

"It's bound to happen." Addison smiled softly. "If you wouldn't mind I'd like to talk a little bit."

"Okay."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Addison was nervous playing with the fabric of her maternity shirt. Violet simply waited for her to start talking. A couple more minutes passed and Addison finally spoke. "I miss her so much..." Tears welled in her eyes. "It's just so much to deal with right now, my emotions are wacky to begin with and then this. I just... It's too much."

"Why don't we start from the beginning. What happened?" Violet asked sitting next to her.

Addison sighed and took a deep shaky breath. "We had a really bad storm that day. The wind tore off ceiling tiles and the windows imploded. It was like a tornado had hit down town Seattle. The sky was so dark and ominous and you could just tell it wasn't going to be a good day." She paused. "I was standing at the nurses station when I heard a loud clatter behind me and when I turned around a metal rod was coming at me and Callie pushed me out of the way..." Her tears started to fall again as she remembered exactly what happened. "She didn't get out of the way in time and it..." She stopped she didn't think she could say it. Her vision blurred and she felt sick to her stomach.

Violet acted quickly reaching for the waste basket and Addison's contents of her stomach were soon emptied into it. Violet rubbed her back and murmured softly. "It's okay."

"She's gone..." Addison hiccuped. "And she left me all alone..." Addison felt her insides twist up and she sucked in a shattered breath. "I needed her..." She looked up at Violet. "She left me..." And let her sobs fill the room.

Violet wrapped her arms around the broken hearted woman and rocked back and forth gently. When she finally stopped crying Violet picked up her head. "That's enough for today."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Violet knocked on Naomi's door softly and walked in. She sighed heavily. "What's wrong?"

Violet sighed again. "She's just in so much pain Naomi."

"Did you talk to her?" Violet nodded. "She came to you on her own?" She nodded again.

"She's angry, she's in pain, and she feels alone. God I can't even imagine what she's going through right now." Violet ran her fingers through her hair.

"I don't know. Have you called anyone yet?"

"I did a little bit after she had left. Apparently her and Izzie were pretty close after Callie and her got together. I talked to her a little bit, she said she could try and make a trip down at least. I actually think that Izzie has a thing for her and just never said anything because of Callie."

Naomi nodded. "I'm not sure it's a great idea but at least she'll have a familiar face I suppose." Violet nodded.

"I just hope she's okay with it." Naomi nodded again.

"Me too."
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binks
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v has to help her just be there for her it is a good thing that izzy is coming i hope
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xXamoursanglant
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I've got a heart that can hold love... Sara Ramirez, Grateful
I think some people got mad at me for killing Callie no one is reading this one lol
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binks
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I am reading this so get to work
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xXamoursanglant
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I've got a heart that can hold love... Sara Ramirez, Grateful
lol okay okay soon as my hair is done and i get all this crap out of it i'l work on the new two and update others... which some of them are actually finished but you dont know which ones hahahahahaha okay that was a little bit evil :lol:
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xXamoursanglant
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I've got a heart that can hold love... Sara Ramirez, Grateful
okay it took me a couple days I kno, but I finally got chapter three finished and... I think this is one of thee most heart wrenching chapters I have ever written...

Chapter Three

Naomi had given Addison strict orders after that day not to come back to work until further notice. So here she sat four and half months pregnant outside on her balcony watching the sunset. It still had it's appeal but not the same appeal it had before Callie died. There were times that Addison wished she hadn't got there in time, that Callie hadn't saved her. Or that they had both gotten to safety in time. She sighed breathing in shakily. She didn't understand it. Ten years of a failed marriage, a year of torturing herself with guys who couldn't fill that void, then a bright spot appears in her world and it gets ripped out of her grasp four years later. It wasn't fair.

Addison let her tears go untouched. She was used to them falling down her face now, she stopped wiping them away last week and just let them fall. She simply continued to watch the sun go down. A couple hours later she heard a soft knock at her front door. Silently and swifly she moved from her seat on the sofa and opened the door. One of the last people she expected to see stood before her. "Izzie? What are you..."

Before Addison could finish she started to talk. "I took time off from work, until further notice." Addison moved aside and let her in the house.

"Violet called." Izzie nodded. Several minutes passed and Izzie was siting across from Addison now. "How was your flight?"

"Long."

Addison nodded. "I'll get you some blankets and a pillow and set up the spare bedroom." Izzie nodded and sat while Addison moved around her home automatically. Once she reappeared Izzie watched her almost waddle down the stairs and saw the tears that made their way down her cheeks. Even though Addison was pregnant she had herself gotten thinner, almost frail to a point. Her hair lost its luster, it was shorter, and her eyes lost that gleam. It's like she wasn't alive anymore.

Once Addison sat back down she didn't say much. Izzie had caught her looking from the fire to the outside world more than once. Like she was picturing something. "Addison..."

She held her hand up. "Not right now Izzie, please..." She got up. "I'm tired..." Izzie nodded. "I have to go see Violet tomorrow, if you want to come you can."

"Okay, goodnight." Izzie said quietly.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A little later that night Izzie woke up to soft crying coming from Addison's bedroom. She rubbed her eyes and slipped off the couch and into Addison's room. She was sitting up in bed huanched over her knees with her arms around her legs crying softly. Izzie quietly walked over to her and sat down brushing the hair from her face and rubber her back.

"Hey... hey... it's going to be okay... it's going to get better." Izzie said gently. She pulled Addison to her and as she did Addison wrapped her arms around Izzie's middle and cried into her shoulder. Izzie was slightly surprised at the sudden move but simply held her and rubbed her back gently. "It's guna be okay Addy..."

A couple hours had passed before Addison fell back to sleep. As Izzie let her down careful not to wake her she wondered what had gotten her so upset and made a note to ask her about it in the morning or find out from this Violet person. After covering Addison with a blanket she snuck back out of her room and laid back down for a few more hours of sleep.

When Izzie woke up again she smelled coffee. Right away her head popped up seeing Addison sitting at the kitchen table with orange juice and some toast. That's probably why she looks so thin. Izzie thought to herself. She sighed and took in the smell of the freshly brewed coffee. Izzie took the mug off the table and held it up. "For me?" Addison nodded. When Izzie looked down at the mug she saw that there was a chip in the cyramic. She tilted it to look at the bottom and saw a 'C' in permanent marker. "It was Callie's..."

Addison nodded. "She had a habbit of putting random 'C's on her things when we first moved in together." Addison said not looking up from the paper she was reading. Izzie nodded and turned to pour the coffee into the mug. The smell was intoxicating and she sat down across from Addison.

The realization hit her when she saw a tear run down Addison's face. "This is her brew isn't it..." Addison nodded and wiped the tears from her face. "You didn't have to..."

Addison shook her head. "Who else is going to drink it?" Izzie nodded, Addison made a good point there. No one else was here to drink it.

"Addy..." When she looked up Izzie placed a hand over hers. "You okay?" She asked holding the mug to her lips.

"Yeah, just old memories."

Izzie squeezed her hand. "It gets better I promise." Addison nodded and ate the rest of her toast.

The two of them finished breakfast and Addison took a quick shower. When she reemerged she was dressed in cargo maternity pants and a pink maternity blouse with her hair up in a ponytail. She sighed reaching for her keys. "You mind driving me?"

"Not at all." Izzie took the keys from her hand and smiled. "You'll have to tell me which streets to take."

Addison shrugged. "That's okay." Izzie nodded and the two of them walked out the door, Addison locking it behind her.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~****~*~*~*~*~*

When Addison and Izzie walked into the clinic Naomi started to protest, but Addison simply pointed to Violet's office. "I'm here to talk."

Naomi nodded and hugged her quickly. "Good luck. You know she likes to push hard sometimes."

Addison nodded. "I know."

"You'll be okay." Naomi squeezed her arms gently and smiled before walking away to her office. Izzie smiled and liked that Addison had a lot of support here, but she knew that that was not the support Addison needed, Addison needed someone who knew her, someone who knew what to do and how to do it. She needed Izzie, and Izzie was okay with that. Because Izzie, well, Izzie loved her.

Addison and Izzie walked into Violet's office slowly. "Addison... Hi..." Violet said surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to talk to you."

"Oh, oh okay... Well have a seat." Addison and Izzie both sat followed by Violet. "Who is this?"

"Izzie... Isobel Stevens." Izzie held her hand out.

"Right... We spoke on the phone." Izzie nodded. "I'm glad you could make it."

"Me too..." Izzie said looking to Addison, she simply smiled and nodded.

"Let's get started shall we?" Addison nodded. "Would you like to pick up where we left off?" She nodded again. "Okay, you said she left you alone... why do you say that?"

"Because she saved me." Addison looked down.

Violet looked confused. "But by saving you, you and your baby are alive."

Addison nodded. "She died in the process."

"Yes. She did. But look at it from her stand point, would you have done the same?"

"She left me alone, she died, and she left me alone."

Izzie took Addison's hand. "Sweetheart, she asked you if you would have done the same in Callie's shoes." She squeezed her hand. "Addy what would you have done if it were Callie?"

Addison looked at Izzie and couldn't form words. "I... I wouldn't have risked that... I wouldn't..."

"Addison listen to me." Violet started. "Callie is pregnant and there's a metal beam about to hit her, what do you do?"

Addison looked up tears welling in her eyes. "Save her." She burried her head in her hands. "Why though?" She yelled looking up. "Why did she have to die? Why her?! WHY!?" Addison's face was red and wet from crying. Her hands were shaking and Izzie reached for the cloest hand wrapping her fingers around it.

"Addy it's okay to be angry."

"Izzie is right Addison. It's okay to be angry." Violet started. "Why are you so angry?"

Addison looked up. "She died... I am alone now, no one is here to help me through the crazy cravings and the early morning sickness. She's not here. She's not going to be here. She left me to do this alone."

"But you're not alone Addison. Are you?" Violet asked. "Look around. Izzie came all the way from Seattle to help you. I'm here, what about Naomi?"

"It's not the same!" Addison screamed at the top of her lungs. "It's not..." She whispered looking away.

"Why?"

Addison turned to Violet. "Because I love Callie, because she loves me, it's not the same kind of love that you or Izzie have for me... You are my friends, Callie was my lover."

"And you're mad at her. Mad because she saved you and couldn't get out of the way."

"Yes, I'm mad at her! She should have gotten there quicker, then she wouldn;t have died!" Addison's tears flowed down her face.

Izzie was speechless. Not only was Addison mad at Callie for dying and leaving her alone, she was mad at her because she had saved her but couldn't save herself. She was grieving and she was angry. She was so angry. Izzie squeezed her hand. "Look at me Addy." Addison looked down at her hand that rested within Izzie's grasp. "Addy." She said her name again and Addison looked up. "You have to forgive her."

Addison couldn't say anything, she tried to form the words and when she finally did all that came out before she burst into tears was, "I can't...."
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binks
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I am dying now pms
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xXamoursanglant
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I've got a heart that can hold love... Sara Ramirez, Grateful
im trying my best to work on chapter four but its hard when im trying to get halloween finished... then of course i am missing csi ny and that was supposed to be awesome tonight good thing i can watch it later lol... anyway back to work...
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xXamoursanglant
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I've got a heart that can hold love... Sara Ramirez, Grateful
I decided I needed to get my ass working on this one... So that is what I have been doing tonight... So far so good, I don't have all of it done yet, but it's only 11:41 and I have lots of laundry to do...

It's 12:54 and I have finished this chapter... I kinda sorta fell asleep too... oops? So this chapter is small, and it took me awhile to decide what to put into it, but I think it turned out well... Izzie's feelings for Addison really come out this chapter, and will be more often I think... We shall see


Chapter Four

Izzie put her arms around Addison. "Sweetie, you have to. You have to forgive her, because if you don't..." She pulled away and lifted Addison's chin. "You can't forgive yourself."

"Izzie is right Addison. You need to forgive her so you can forgive yourself. You need to forgive yourself. It wasn't your fault."

Addison looked at Violet anger flashing in her eyes. "It was my fault!" She scremed. "If I hadn't been in the way... If I hadn't just stood there..."

"Addison there was a beam coming at you, you couldn't have moved you were in shock." Izzie said. "I saw you Addison. I saw Callie running for you. And I saw the horror on your face when she died in your arms. I know it is hard. I know it is, and I know you think its your fault. It's not." Izzie shook her head. "It is not your fault."

"You don't understand Izzie! She died because she saved me!" Addison stood up. "She died to protect me and the baby! She died because I couldn't get out of the way! It is my fault!"

Izzie stood along side Addison. "And what about Denny! Do you think I didn't blame myself?! You knew I did! What did you tell me Addy!?" Her hair fell from behind her ears as she yeled back. "I killed him, everyone told me that it was my fault. You're the one who said that I had to forgive myself... that it wasn't my fault... Addison, please..." She stated to talk softer. "Addy, I forgave myself because you showed me how. You need to do that for yourself." Izzie wiped her own tears away then moved to wipe away Addison's as well. "She died because she did what she thought was right, she died because protecting you was worth more to her than her own life, and because you are carrying her child. She loved you so much that she saved you at the expense of her own life Addy. But never forget that she loved you."

"Never forget I love you." Callie's voice echoed in her head. Addison looked into Izzie's eyes before she collapsed into her arms and cried. Had Izzie not been standing there she would have fallen to her knees. Her sobs wracked through her body, her shoulders shaking while her arms wrapped around Izzie's neck, and her hands had fistfuls of her shirt.

Izzie looked to Violet and she just nodded and smiled. Violet looked at her carefully watching her reaction to Addison's crying. She could tell Izzie truly cared for Addison and that she wanted to help. That's when she also realized seeing how upset Izzie had gotten, that she was the perfect person to comfort Addison right now. When Izzie held Addison though, Violet knew, she just knew that Izzie loved Addison. Violet got up and left the two of them alone for a while until Addison calmed down.

She was standing outside her office watching them when Naomi walked up behind her. "What's going on?"

Violet sighed. "We've made a lot of progress today."

"Did you find out why she is so angry?" Violet nodded. "Well?"

"Because she thinks it's her fault." Violet looked to Naomi and saw her face drop. "She thinks that it should have been her. But she understands why Callie did it, she's also angry that Callie isn't here to help her through this pregnancy. She's in a bad place Naomi."

Naomi nodded. "And what about this Izzie?"

"She cares about Addison more than she probably should."

"You mean she loves her."

Violet nodded. "I think on some level she always has. But she an also relate to Addison because of Denny. I looked it up in her file, she accidently pulled the plug on his respriator or something like that. Addison helped her."

Naomi nodded. "So you thing calling her was a good idea."

Violet nodded. "I do." And they both continued to watch.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Addison sat in the living room while Izzie carefully moved about her kitchen making them something to eat. Addison was grateful that Izzie was here, but still wasn't quite sure what to make of it. She was really just trying not to think to hard. Her head picked up and she could smell whatever Izzie was cooking and it smelled delicious. She hadn't noticed how hungry she was until two seconds ago. She sat down carefully at the kitchen table and watched Izzie.

Her movements flowed freely even in her kitchen, like she kne where everything was; that or Addison was too predictable. Izzie turned and smiled when she heard Addison sigh loudly. "How are you feeling? It was a pretty emotional day for you."

"I'm okay, I think. I'm starving, what are you making?"

"Shrimp alfredo. Are you sure you are okay?" Izzie stared at her bearing into her soul through her eyes and Addison looked away.

"I don't know. I just... I'm scared. I mean I know what to expect but at the same time I don't. I wish Callie were here to help."

"I may not be Callie, Addy, but I'm here. For anything you need." Izzie said stirring the pasta.

"I know." Addison smiled and continued to watch her carefully.

After dinner Addison and Izzie sat in hte living room watching Will and Grace. When Addison shivered Izzie got up retrieving the fleece blanket from the corner of the room and wrapped it around her shoulders. Addison looked at her and smiled softly, Izzie smiled back, then sat next to her and continued to watch Jack make a fool of himself.

That night after Addison excused herself to bed she lay there quietly staring out her window like she usually does. Tonight the stars were bright and the wind slightly colder than normal. She sighed heavily and wiped the tears from her cheeks. She remembered when her and Callie used to sit outside for hours laying on the ground during the summer, fall, and spring looking up at the stars. The night she remembered most out of all of those nights was the night they laid there together two years after being together.

"Addison?" She looked over at Callie carefully. "I love you." Addison smiled and squeezed her hand gently. Callie leaned in and gently took her lips with her own. "What do you think about kids?"

"Callie..."

She shook her head and put her index finger over her lips to stop her from talking. "I'm serious. I want kids... with you."

Addison stared at her for a minute. She opened her mouth but when nothing came out she leaned forward to claim Callie's lips with her own. When she pulled away she smiled. "Okay."


Tears flowed down her face steadily and she burried her face in her hands. She remembered the appointments with Naomi, she remembered how hard it was for her to get pregnant, she remembered going through ultra sounds with Callie before... she died.

Izzie turned the tv down and listened closer. She could have swore she heard crying from upstairs, and sure enough she had. She sighed and pushed off the couch turning the tv off before climbing the stairs. When she reached the top she carefully pushed Addison's door open and stopped frozen where she stood. Addison was standing outside on the balcony of her bedroom. She was crying and looking up at the sky. The wind was cold as it blew in the window and Izzie shivered knowing right away that Addison shouldn't be outside.

Slowly and deliberately she walked over to Addison putting her hands on her arms pulling her to her chest. Addison shivered and Izzie wrapped her arms around her pulling her back inside. She sat her down on the bed and went back to the window shutting it before sitting beside Addison. She pushed the disheveled hair from Addison's face and pushed her shoulders down. Addison carefully laid back and settled on her side watching Izzie.

Fifteen minutes passed and Izzie still sat there. By now Addison's tears had slowed. Izzie caressed her hair and went to get up when she felt a hand on her wrist. "Don' leave." Izzie nodded and sat back down letting Addison lean against her while she shut her eyes. Within minutes Addison was fast asleep. Izzie looked down at her and gently stroked her hair until she herself fell asleep.
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AnaWalsh
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Medical Student
Aw, it breaks my heart seeing Addie like this... but in the other hand, i do like her with Izzie. she's like my third option... the first is Callie, second is Mark, and then Izzie, fighting like crazy with Mark for be the second lol
this chapter got very emotional, and i liked it ^^
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xXamoursanglant
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I've got a heart that can hold love... Sara Ramirez, Grateful
i love this story because sometimes you cant have a happy ending, becauze life, real life isnt full of happy endings.. its full of happy times and sad times, and i think that this fic really shows the truth of that... losing someone is hard, and it takes time to get through it... this fic is going to probably stay emotional the whole way through.. addison still has a lot to work through as does izzie now.. not to mention the baby that is on the way... pretty soon we'll get to see how addison reacts to and with the baby and to and with izzie im not quite sure where it will go but im sure it will be a blast to write
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binks
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good to see she is making progress slowly pms
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