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WWE Velocity (January 1st, 2005) Review:; Holly/Haas v. Jindrak/Reigns
Topic Started: Jan 1 2005, 10:10 PM (898 Views)
Scrooge McSuck
I'll get you next time, toilet!
[ *  *  * ]
- The Pilot Review of Velocity for January 1st, 2005. Your Hosts of the show on the broadcasting position are Josh Matthews, and Steve "I Like The Phrase solar Plexus" Romero. Please God, bring back Bill DeMott before I get arrested for homocide by killing this fucking cocksucker. Torrie Wilson comes out to introduce the first match, looking like the skank she really is...

Match #1: Paul London vs. Kenzo Suzuki (w/ Hiroko):
Apparently Hiroko in her Bra & Panties made the cover of some kind of Japanese Newspaper. Nice to see Paul London getting jobbed out already ... even though he was barely winning to begin with. London does the dookie stomp, as I like to call it, before Suzuki kicks him in the midsection. Irish whip, and London with a series of drop-kicks, followed by a deep arm-drag takeover into an armbar. Irish whip by Suzuki and London bounces off the ropes with a forearm for a two count. London with another arm drag, and back into the armbar. Suzuki kicks his way free. Irish whip, and Suzuki with some more lame punchy-kicky. London is sent to the buckle and Suzuki stomps a Japanese mudhole and we get the 1st Solar Plexus comment by Romero of the night. Irish whip to the corner, and Suzuki lays London out with a clothesline for two. Crowd chants USA as London pounds Suzuki from his knees. Suzuki no sells of course, and applies some kind of choke. Scoop slam by Suzuki, followed by a jumping knee drop across the chest for two. Suzuki drops London's arm across the top rope and applies some kind of nerve lock on the shoulder muscle. London kicks Suzuki in the face to get back to his feet and hammers away with rights. London takes Suzuki over and continues beating on the big Japanese dude with kicks and punches. London with mounted punches in the corner until Suzuki powerbombs him off. Russian leg pie face by Suzuki wins this one at 4:30. 1/2* Pretty lame match. London gets squashed basically, with very little offense and no opportunities to wow the crowd. Not even a face-comes-back-at-the-end segment to get heat for London for a possible victory.

[Commercial Break]

- Smackdown Flashback: John Cena defends the United States Championship against Rene Dupree, and wins the match in pretty easy fashion. I must register my disgust for the new United States title for Cena. Funaki defends the Cruiserweight Championship against Spike Dudley and retains with a surprise sunset flip. Rob Van Dam & Rey Mysterio defend the Tag Team Titles against Eddie Guerrero & Booker T in a pretty good match. Guerrero cheating at the end and getting caught was pretty funny, although made no sense to try and get Mysterio Disqualified in a title match.

JBL then pulls a Brock Lesnar and selects a person at random to defend the WWE World Title against ... and it ends up being Shannon Moore, like when Brock Lesnar did it. And like when Lesnar did it, we find out the thing was rigged after the match because all the names in the bowl have Shannon Moore's name on it. Teddy Long makes a Title Match at the Royal Rumble with JBL defending the Championship against Kurt Angle and the Big Show. That probably guarantees JBL is retaining the title.

[Commercial Break]

- During the commercial break we get the awesome WWE Royal Rumble 2005 Commercial (imitation of the West Side Story)... God help us if this gives the WWE writing team to write an entire PPV or show in Musical form. Actually, that would be entertaining.

Match #2: Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Billy Kidman:
I have recently dubbed Billy Kidman as "Ravishing" because of his flashy new jackets, and I accidentally type Rick Rude when referring to him. Stemming off the Kidman Injured Chavo angle, where Kidman accidentally knocked out Chavo with the SSP back in September, thus turning him heel in the process. The two had a match several weeks ago on Velocity (very disappointing) where Kidman won via usage of the ropes. Here's the rematch of sorts. Chavo plays to the crowd while Kidman does a little stalling. The two lockup, and they go into the corner where Kidman gives a kinda clean break before missing a charge and being arm dragged into the opposite side of the ring. Lockup and Chavo with a go-behind waist-lock. Kidman reverses, and Chavo reverses back into an armbar. Chavo applies a headlock, and bounces off the ropes with a shoulder block. Irish whip to the corner is reversed, and Chavo takes Kidman over with a head scissors. Chavo with a series of European uppercuts in the corner and bounces off the ropes, only to be taken down by a Kidman drop-kick. Kidman stomps away and chokes Chavo across the middle rope. Kidman with a snapmare from out of the corner, and applies a reverse chinlock while applying pressure to the neck with his left knee. Irish whip to the corner and Chavo with a little overselling. Kidman covers for two and applies a modified surfboard. Chavo no-sells the hold as the crowd chants "Chavo." Chavo fights free of the hold with a series of elbows and rights, and a double cross-body attempt puts both men down. Is Kidman growing in an evil goatee?! Sorry, lame observation by me. Chavo connects with a series of rights, backing Kidman in the corner for mudhole stomping part II: Mud Revenge. Chavo with a clothesline followed by a shoulder block and diving forearm for a two count. Chavo with a suplex, but Kidman reverses and puts Chavo down with the B-K Bomb (a.k.a. a spinebuster). Kidman goes for the Shooting Star Press, but Chavo moves out of the way and kicks Kidman for THREE?!! I guess Kidman knocked himself out or something. Chavo picked up the fall at 5:28. *3/4 As decent of a match as you could expect here. Nothing flashy from a Cruiserweight vs. Cruiserweight match, but nothing bad either. I can't tell if the crowd reactions were piped in, but they seemed lively enough. The resting spot was pointless considering the shortness of the match.

[Commercial Break]

- Smackdown Flashback: John Heidenreich wants the Undertaker at the Royal Rumble, and says he isn't afraid of the Undertaker. 'Taker gets to pick the stipulation for the match, and since it's the Royal Rumble, 1 guess what it is. Some idiot monk chanting plays over the PA system and out come some druids with a casket. Yup ... Undertaker gets to job in another Casket Match at the Rumble. Undertaker is conveniently inside the casket, and scares off Heidenreich. Prediction: Snitsky & Kane both interfere in the match at the Royal Rumble.

[Commercial Break]

Match #3: Hardcore Holly & Charlie Haas vs. Luther Reigns & Mark Jindrak:
It's time for YOUR Velocity Main Event, and I am definitely NOT looking forward to this one. How the HELL is Hardcore Holly so over? The guy is barely at the midcard level, yet fans love him... I'm baffled. I wonder what happens to Miss Jackie since Charlie Haas "dumped her" (what a fucking TV character dumbass). Holly and Reigns start out with a lockup, which goes to the corner and Holly catches a cheap shot with a series of stiff looking rights. Irish whip to the corner and Holly runs into a back elbow. Holly blocks a clothesline and school boys Reigns for two. Chops in the corner by Holly, Holly baseball slides between the legs of Reigns off an Irish whip, and applies an armbar. Reigns with a forearm to the side of the head breaks the hold and Jindrak tags in, only to be slammed down by Holly. Arm drag take down by Holly and Haas tags in with a takeover into a hammerlock. Wristlock by Charlie Haas doesn't last long as Jindrak stomps away at Haas like he just punched his momma. Irish whip and Haas blocks an arm drag with a fireman's carry. Drop toe hold by Haas into a front face-lock. Holly tags in and stomps at the ribs of Jindrak. Stiff chops against the ropes and Holly takes over Jindrak with another arm drag into an armbar. Haas tags in and applies a hammerlock, sending the bent elbow into the turnbuckle. Holly tags back in and kicks Jindrak in between the legs. Holly beats up everything walking and goes for the Alabama Slam on Jindrak, but Reigns boots him in the face to break it up.

[Commercial Break]

We come back from the commercial with Reigns applying a reverse chinlock to Holly, the same kind Kidman applied to Chavo earlier in the show. Holly fights free momentarily, but is taken down and Jindrak dominates with a series of elbow drops. Jindrak gets a two count as my mouse pad is pissing me the fuck off. Another chinlock applied, and once again Holly fights free. Holly bounces off the ropes and gets caught with a powerslam for two. Reigns tags back in and clubs Holly across the face in a pretty stiff looking fashion. Reigns nails Haas, which allows heel double teaming in the corner. Jindrak with a snapmare and he applies another chinlock, then turns it into a sleeper hold-ish move. Irish whip is reversed and Holly drop-kicks Jindrak in the mouth. Haas gets the Velocity-Hot-Tag and back drops Jindrak. drop-kick to Reigns and clotheslines to both men. Shoulder tackle in the corner to Jindrak, and a German suplex to Reigns. Haas with a modified T-bone suplex for two on Jindrak, but Jindrak no sells and knocks Holly off the apron with a BITCH SLAP. Reigns snaps Haas's neck back across the top rope, allowing Jindrak to get the three count at 12:37 (including commercial). ** A surprisingly decent match, with good crowd involvement. The rest hold period on Holly towards the end of the match I didn't fancy much, but the rest of the match was kept at a good pace for the most part.

Velocity Final Thoughts:
Not one of the best Velocity's, as we are on a two-week streak of pretty bad shows. Last week had two matches, with one being an absolutely BORING match between Paul London and Shannon Moore, while the other was a squash.

This week London is wasted in a match against the human bag of luggage Kenzo Suzuki, and is in short, squashed like a fucking bug. Kidman and Chavo continue to prove that they really don't have too good of chemistry together, or at least when Kidman is a heel and Chavo is a face. The "Main Event" wasn't too bad, but come on! When THAT MATCH is the Match of the Night, something is wrong.
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SamoaRowe
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Good review! I wish I had remembered to watch it as I probably would've enjoyed that Holly/Haas vs Reigns/Jindrak match. That's an awful way to use Paul London too, jobbing him out to Kenzo Suzuki. I won't complain too much though, as it seems Kenzo might be Cena's next challenger to the U.S. title... wait a second, those matches will suck! And I have to watch one tomorrow night in Manchester! Ack!
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Real F'n Show
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Good stuff man. Maybe I should let you do these by yourself for the new site.

Am I the only one who LIKED London vs. Moore from 2 weeks ago?
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Scrooge McSuck
I'll get you next time, toilet!
[ *  *  * ]
Yes. That match sucked anal grease and Steve Romeros solar plexus.
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Scrooge McSuck
I'll get you next time, toilet!
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Tonight is a good argument for 2 people covering a show. I'm too busy having heart attacks for Jets vs. Chargers to bother with Velocity this week.
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