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| WWE Velocity (January 15th, 2005) Review:; Paul London vs. Akio | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 15 2005, 10:07 PM (932 Views) | |
| Scrooge McSuck | Jan 15 2005, 10:07 PM Post #1 |
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I'll get you next time, toilet!
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- Second review of Velocity here by yours truly. Missed last week due to the nail biter New York Jets vs. San Diego Chargers NFL Wild Card Game. Too bad the Jets lost to the Steelers the exact same way they beat San Diego. Also tonight I'm battling an annoying cold, so be cautious: I might be a little out of it. Oh well... once again, on commentary is Josh "Please Don't Mention Other Promotions" Matthews and Steve Alfredo... or whatever the hell his name is (he sucks, you know). Last week was a pretty dismal show overall anyway, so I hope I didn't miss much. If you care, here are last weeks results... 1. Hardcore Holly pinned Josh Walters in a Squash Match. 2. Rene Dupree pinned Nunzio with some kind of slam. 3. Booker T pinned Spike Dudley following the Scissors Kick. 4. Orlando Jordan defeated Chavo Guerrero by means I don't know. Anyway, we got all that red tape out of the way, so let's go to ringside for the first match of the night... (gets a bottle of Vodka) God I hate WWE... whoops! Match #1: Hardcore Holly vs. Spike Dudley: Josh Matthews makes really bad jokes to start while Romero continues to be reading foot notes or something. Spike slaps Holly like he was his bitch, so Holly throws Spike across the ring with a hip toss. Holly sets up Spike with a boot to the midsection (Solar Plexus comment #1), sending Spike out of the ring. Spike tries running away, but Holly stops him momentarily before Spike tackles Holly into a ring post. Back inside the ring, Spike chokes away on Holly and unravels the tape of on his wrist for more choking. Spike applies a sleeper hold barely two minutes into the match. Matthews proves he has an IQ higher than 5 by mentioning Holly's previous injured neck. Holly knocks Spike out of his boots with a clothesline and dropkicks the poor bastard right in the face. Holly with a series of knife-edge chops across the chest of Holly and calls for one more and misses, so he knocks Spike upside the head and chops him again. IN the corner, Spike rakes the eyes of Hardcore, but that doesn't stop the assault. Irish whip to the corner, and Holly misses a charge quite weakly. Spike comes off the top rope with a cross body, but Holly catches him and plants the S.O.B. with the Alabama Slam, picking up the three count at 4:05. DUD Pretty much an extended squash match. Spike gets a little token Jobber offense while Holly pretty much destroys him for most of the match with his signature spots. I guess I'm happy Spike is no longer Cruiserweight Champion, though. [Commercial Break] - Last Week on Smackdown ... we get an actual match ... beware though, it's probably going to suck since Velocity is only an hour and the matches barely get four or five minutes each. - WWE United States Championship Match: John Cena © vs. Kenzo Suzuki (w/ Hiroko): WWE clips out Cena's 56 hour long promo before the match thanfully. God, he really needs a real gimmick if he's getting a Main Event push soon. Lockup and Suzuki hammers way on Cena with chops and kicks in the corner to the midsection. Choke by Suzuki and the referee gets in his face. Tackle by Cena and he hammers away on Suzuki. Irish whip, and Cena with a back elbow. Irish whip again, and Cena with a running bulldog headlock. Cena does his goofy ass posing and fist drop with a little Japanese bow. Cena continues his stupid shtick by "pumping his sneakers" and plants Suzuki with the F-U (a.k.a the Worst Finisher Today) for the victory at 1:40. DUD Yeah... like I really need to explain why the match sucked? Yes, I am a bitter bitch. [Commercial Break; and the Wrestlemania Rewind: Hulk Hogan def. Sgt. Slaughter at Wrestlemania VII. Thankfully, they actually leave in Gorilla Monsoon saying the word "Hulk," so maybe this means they won't have to chop up every Hogan match ever. Also, the WWE Rewind is Rey Mysterio's 619 to a Basham and getting pinned with the Baldo Bomb from another Basham] Match #2: Scotty Too Hotty vs. Chet Jablowski Scotty is making his return to Velocity after another stint at the Betty Ford clinic ... or whatever, I don't care. I don't even know if I can get this guys name right... I'll try though. Lockup, and Jablowski with an arm drag, so the crowd boos (probably piped in though, but more believable than 2002 Mark Henry's heat). Lockup #2 goes into the corner, so the Jobber hammers way on Scotty Too Jobby and imitates Body Donna Skip. Irish whip, and Scotty catches Jablowski with a series of standing dropkicks. Arm drag takeover by Scotty, and he applies an armbar. Scotty is tosses shoulder first into the steel post, and Jablowski with a wristlock turned into a hammerlock. Irish whip, and Jablowski with a clothesline for two. Scotty "Dances Up" from an armbar, but Jablowski knocks him back down. Matthews mentions Jablowski wrestles for IWA Puerto Rico. Jablowski misses a Stinger Splash and is put down by a super kick. Scotty kips up and hammers away on Jablowski. Irish whip, and Scotty connects with a nasty looking diving forearm. Jablowski takes over again with a lot of punching. Irish whip is reversed, and Scotty bounces off the ropes with the bulldog. Uh-oh... W... O... R... M! WORM! That's good enough for the pinfall at 4:35. * Actually not quite bad of a match, although it's weird that the Jobber no one knows actually got more offense than the actual Superstar, although technically, Scotty isn't too high up on the food chain himself. [Commercial Break. WWE Slam of the Week: Funaki tornado DDT's Nunzio from the second rope to retain the Cruiserweight Title.] Match #3: Paul London vs. Akio: This match is the only reason I'm looking forward to seeing Velocity tonight. These two had a kick ass match a few weeks back, and had a pretty good match a little while before that too, so this has a chance to be good again. Akio looks a little different with the shaved head and that weird red ring attire. Both men circle the ring a bit and then lockup. Akio with a sharp arm drag takeover. Lockup #2 and this time they tangle in the ropes and to the corner. London shoves off Akio and we get a shove fight! Lockup, and Akio applies a standing side headlock. London escapes with a hammerlock into a headlock of his own. Akio reverses back, so London kicks away at the inside knee of Akio. Shoulder block by Akio, so London catches a kick with a single leg trip into a side headlock. Back drop is reversed and London connects with the drop-sault. London teases a plancha, but connects with the ASAI MOONSAULT! Sweet... London with a slingshot splash into the ring gets a two count. Irish whip to the corner is reversed, and London with a elbow to the face, but is caught with a belly to belly into the corner and lands on his head! Holy Shit that was fucking awesome! Akio stomps away at the head of London and applies a sleeper hold. London tries fighting free, but that backfires. Irish whip, and London with a kick to the chest, but he misses an enziguri. Standing moonsault by Akio to the kidney area of London and applies a modified Camel Clutch. Akio plays to the crowd and continues hammering away at London. Irish whip to the corner, and Akio with the run up kick a la Tiger Mask, but he runs right into a reverse crescent kick! Both men exchange vicious blows of chops, punches, and kicks as London beats Akio down to the canvas! Irish whip, and London with a back body drop. Series of kicks to the chest and face of Akio and London connects with a side leg kick for two! Irish whip to the corner, and Akio with a back elbow to the face followed by the Corkscrew moonsault from the top rope to a standing London for the three count at 6:02! After the match London offers a handshake, and Akio actually accepts it ... cool, I love those kind of things. ***3/4 These two guys are probably the most talented wrestlers on the Smackdown roster, but are shunted on Velocity 90% of the time. Like the previous match, these two went balls out in a match that barely got 5-7 minutes, and put on probably the best match of the year so far. The ring work was kept at a fast pace and the camel clutch and headlocks spots make sense because of London landing on his head with that belly to-belly in the corner spot. Also the Respect Handshake is the icing on the cake. [Commercial Break] - Last Week on Smackdown: Lotta lame crap happened, including the horrible angle where Joy Giovanni was "kidnapped" and the entire show was based around her disappearance. Kinda like Where's Sapphire from Summerslam 1990, but at least most fans were liking Sapphire. We eventually found out Joy was locked in the trunk of JBL's limo, and Kurt Angle made the rescue, which must mean he did it. Big Show destroyed JBL's cabinet at the end of the show because he's the Big Show. What a horrible angle ... let's also forget that JBL was awarded Man of the Year status by the Florida Agricultural Group ... a.k.a F. A. G. Yep, Vince Russo is back I bet! Ahahahaha.... [Commercial Break] Match #4: Charlie Haas vs. Rene Dupree: This, is your Velocity MAIN EVENT of the evening, bitches! Since the previous recap package took so damn long, at least we don't have to worry about Rene Dupree stinking up the place for too much time. Dupree has Fifi the Poodle with him tonight, and his pre-match graphic has him with an evil French Goatee. Haas with a standing side headlock to start. Irish whip and Haas with a shoulder block followed by a second, sending Dupree out of the ring. Crowd chants U-S-A while Dupree plays the waiting game outside of the ring. Haas slingshots Dupree back into the ring and rams him to the buckle. Wristlock by Haas, and he works Dupree down to the canvas and applies an armbar. Dupree fights free and hammers away at Haas with some rights. Hard Irish whip to the corner has Haas (hehehe...) overselling it. Dupree with a snapmare followed by a running knee drop for a two count. Dupree applies a reverse chinlock, while applying pressure to the back of the neck by driving his knee into Haas. Dupree heads to the top rope ... very ... slow ... until Haas flounders around and catches Dupree with arm arm drag off the top rope. Both men exchange right punches until Haas hammers away and connects with an inverted atomic drop followed by a dropkick. Back drop by Haas followed by a clothesline and a diving forearm. Haas misses the splash in the corner, so Dupree does the French Tickler, only to fall victim to the Exploder suplex (stealing his former partners finisher?!) and Haas picks up the victory at 4:53. *1/4 Wasn't really feeling this one. The first half of the match was pretty slow with pointless resting, but the last half picked up and had a hot finish. Split it down the middle and I'll give it the meaningless 1-star with a piece added on. Like it matters though... Velocity Final Thoughts: If anything, if you didn't watch London vs. Akio this week, I suggest getting a copy of it. Hell, get all of their matches from WWE, because all of them rule and none of them feel the same. Great ring psychology, expressions both facial and physical, and just all around nonstop action. However, the rest of the show is pretty much your cookie-cutter Velocity and/or House Show matches before the big stuff happens, so I wouldn't worry if I had missed anything as long as I was able to catch London vs. Akio. Thank God I taped it ... just awesome. Anyway, that's enough out of me for this week. See you next time. Same Warrior time, same Warrior channel. Feedback, Comments, Suggestions (please be positive and don't be like "You teh suk") welcome. |
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| Real F'n Show | Jan 16 2005, 09:41 AM Post #2 |
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dWb Superstar
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Nice review. I taped it also, I'm gonna watch London/Akio later today. |
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| Mad Dog | Jan 16 2005, 02:22 PM Post #3 |
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ho ho who the hell are you?
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I try to watch Velocity but the recaps just kill me. I usually see a recap when I'm flipping or the very end of a match. |
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| Scrooge McSuck | Jan 16 2005, 06:50 PM Post #4 |
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I'll get you next time, toilet!
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If it helps, most of the time, the matches will either start... The opening of the show, around the 27:00 mark, and the 48:00 mark. If it's a 4-match show like this week, just take out 27:00, and put 18:00 and 31:00 mark. The final match might start a few minutes later if it's a short match. |
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