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WWE Velocity (February 19th, 2005) Review:; Holly vs. Suzuki; Haas vs. Dupree
Topic Started: Feb 19 2005, 10:10 PM (1,028 Views)
Scrooge McSuck
I'll get you next time, toilet!
[ *  *  * ]
WWE Velocity (February 19th, 2005):

- Guess who's back... back again... yeah, I'm quoting songs over three years old, so sue me. Blah Blah Blah, Velocity tonight, No Way Out with No Way In Being Good tomorrow night, and the worst possible Wrestlemania ever is about 44 days away. No London and no Akio (or even Billy Kidman) on Velocity tonight makes me mad, because I guess I'm going to suffer through a bunch of crap now. I have tweaked my ranking system... people who are inactive (i.e. not being on either show for several weeks) is put in the IA (Inactive) list.

All-Star Saturday Night was tonight, and thanks to Josh Smith (Atlanta) and Amare Stoudemire (Phoenix), I just wasted most of my energy because of several awesome fucking dunks tonight. Phoenix owned everything, and Steve Nash pulled through for me again. The 3-point Shootout was pretty blah though, since everyone sucked in Round 1 besides Lenard, and no real star power that I cared about outside of Ray Allen.

- Taped from somewhere I don't give a rats ass to remember, Josh Mathews (I finally got the spelling correct!) and Steve "I can't think of anything else that rhymes with" Romero are the guys doing the Play-by-Play, which includes talking about matches that haven't happend yet instead of the match that is currently going on in the ring.

- Charlie Haas (2-1) vs. Rene Dupree (2-2) (w/ Fifi):
Haas has his old "Worlds Greatest Tag Team" tights on tonight... that must mean he's bringing back the in-ring quality he has lacked the past few weeks! Haas is tied for 3rd place in the standings, and is looking to step it up, while Rene Dupree is in 7th, and a loss will drop him down into 9th most likely. I could've sworn this match has taken place already this year on Velocity... oh well. Haas also has grown back the evil goatee. Lockup, and Dupree with a hip toss and he forgot to put his knee puts on his knees... the dumbass. Lockup, and Dupree with a deep arm drag takeover and some playing to the crowd. Lockup #3... Dupree with a standing side headlock, but Haas takes him down with a series of arm drags and applies an armbar. Haas turns the hold into a wristlock, and puts Dupree out of the ring with a shoulder block. Haas summons the spirit of Jim Duggan by getting the crowd to chant "U-S-A!" Shoving in the ring, and Haas now channels Ricky Steamboat with the deep arm drag and applies another armbar. Dupree rakes the eyes of Haas, and hammers away with short rights. Irish whip to the corner, and Haas does the over-sell bump. Choking in the corner by Dupree, and Haas looks like he just took a Stinkface from Rikishi. Snapmare by Dupree, and he does some more pathetic looking punches for a two count. Dupree applies a reverse chinlock, and applies added presure with his knee into the back of the neck of Haas. Haas breaks free with a series of elbows to the midsection, but is taken down by a yank of the hair. Boot in the corner by Haas, and he comes off the second rope with a bulldog takedown. Haas with a series of rights, and he springboards to the top rope with a twisting forearm to the chest. Several clotheslines by Haas, followed by a back body drop. Haas screams something (apparently something about his late-brother, Russ) and drops a mid-air twist leg drop for a two count. Haas misses a charge to the corner, and Dupree takes him down with a neckbreaker. FRENCH TICKLER~! Haas blocks a slam, and takes Dupree down with a German suplex for the victory at 5:47. *1/2 Another paint-by-numbers match between these two, but nothing that would make me scream and press the old "FF >>" Button. Haas improves his record to 3-1 as Dupree continues his skid down the ranks.

[Commercial Break]

- This Week on Smackdown: The Undertaker gets to squash Mark Jindrak, the Tag Team Partner of the man he gets to squash at No Way Out, Luther Reigns. Actually, I have no
idea what happens, and don't care because I refuse to continue watching Smackdown on a regular basis (the only time in 2005 I've seen Smackdown was last weeks show in Japan) until they decide to get better, like any time in 2003. Reigns steals a camera and KO's Undertaker with it after Jindrak gets squashed with the Tombstone Piledriver.

[Commercial Break; Wrestlemania XXI Commercial sees Eddie Guerrero and Booker T imitating Pulp Fiction, and wearing really ugly ass wigs, like in the West Side Story commercial.]

- This Week on Smackdown: John Cena defeated Booker T in the Semi-Finals of the #1 Contenders Tournament, and will face Kurt Angle in the finals tonight at No Way Out. Whoop-de-fuckin'-do. Cena/JBL and HHH/Batista as the top matches... excuse me, I think I'm going to wet my pants. (SARCASM ALERT! SARCASM ALERT! SARCASM ALERT!)

[Commercial Break; WWE Rewind: Heidenreich laughing at Booker T... wait, that was seriously it? Way to go WWE... you fucking suck even more with picking these things]

- John Heidenreich (0-0) vs. Mike Mundo (0-0):
Heidenreich faces Booker T this sunday night on No Way Out... poor bastard. Heidenreich shoves Mundo into the corner, and whips him across the ring and jerks on the arm. Heidenreich with some more unique working of the arm... and that's it. Heidenreich connects with a shoulder breaker from an overhead back breaker position and knocks him down with a punch to the forehead. Choking by Heidenreich, and he does more nothing. (looks at watch) Mundo with several boots to the chest for a one count, but Heidenreich no sells everything and boots the poor guy down. Modified back breaker... and someone tells Heidenreich to shut up. Irish whip, and Heidenreich plants Mundo with the Bossman sidewalk slam. That's thankfully enough to end this thing at 2:58. -* Because Heidenreich doesn't deserve a spot on the Main roster... hell, he doesn't even deserve to be in OVW. The guy has zero talent, no skills on the microphone, and is this generations Ahmed Johnson by injuring opponents.

[Commercial Break; Wrestlemania Recall: Jeff Hardy gives Buh-Buh Ray Dudley the Senton Bomb off the top of the ladder through a table at Wrestlemania 2000. Speaking of Bubba, where the hell ARE the Dudleyz?]

More from Last Week on Smackdown: Actually last week on RAW, which I missed: HHH saves Batista from "JBL" running him over with his bullhorn limo. On Smackdown, stuff happens, Batista shows up I think, more stuff happens, no one cares. Also glad to see WWE recycle the "Who Ran Over Austin?!" angle, when it's clearly obvious Triple H is envolved. Even an idiot would notice it.

[Commercial Break]

- Hardcore Holly (4-0) vs. Kenzo Suzuki (2-0) (w/ Hiroko):
It's the battle of the undefeated wrestlers. Holly is in 1st place, with Suzuki following in 2nd place. Another repeat match from a little while ago... God, can't we get some different blood on Velocity?! Suzuki with a boot to the midsection followed by a shoulder block. Irish whip, and Suzuki with an arm dra,g but Holly mule kicks him away and drops Suzuki with a scoop slam. Holly whips Suzuki to the corner, but runs into a boot. Suzuki whips Holly to the corner now, and misses a charge attempt, allowing Holly to roll him up for a two count. Holly chops the skin of Suzuki's chest, and kicks him a little south between the legs, sending him out of the ring to recover. Holly kidnaps Hiroko and gets a boot to the face for his troubles. Suzuki rams Holly into the steel post, and rolls back into the ring for a two count. Holly fights back with a series of rights, but runs into a clothesline, and Suzuki does Ortons goofy ass pose before covering for a one count. Suzuki applies a modified chinlock as the commentary turns into Star Wars discussion, with Romero fucking up the Cantina song. Holly comes back again with a series of rights, and takes down Suzuki with some clotheslines. Irish whip, and Holly connects with a dropkick to the face for a two count. Irish whip to the corner is reversed, and Suzuki runs into a boot. Holly with a full nelson slam, and he covers for a 2.99999999999 count. That looked like a three count to me. Holly goes to the top rope and connects with a flying clothesline! Hiroko jumps onto the apron to stall for Suzuki, who nails Holly from behind. Irish whip, and Suzuki is sent into Hiroko... almost, and gets caught with the Alabama Slam, giving Holly the win at 5:51. DUD Shitty match, with a bunch of canned heat. Holly continues his dominance on Velocity as this weeks episode thankfully comes to an end.

Final Thoughts: This week was probably the worst week I've covered since starting to do these. A paint-by-numbers Haas/Dupree match, a snorfest between Holly and Suzuki, and a boring as hell squash match featuring Heidenreich, possibly the person I hate most on the current WWE roster. This definitely wasn't the best show to lead inot No Way Out, even though I wasn't going to order the show in the first place.

In the records department, Haas moves into second place with a record of 3-1, while five people are tied for third place. Heidenreich debuts in 3rd place thanks to a bunch of people only being in 1 match so far, with Spike Dudley staying in the basement with 4 matches back of the leader, Hardcore Holly. No updates on the Tag Team Rankings, and The Jobbers are just joke ranks.

Singles Records Ratings:
(As of February 19th, 2005)
1. Hardcore Holly (5-0)
2. Charlie Haas (3-1; 1.5 MB)
3. Kenzo Suzuki (2-1; 2 MB)
3. Akio (2-1; 2 MB)
3. Booker T (1-0; 2 MB)
3. Orlando Jordan (1-0; 2 MB)
3. John Heidenreich (1-0; 2 MB)
8. Rene Dupree (2-3; 3 MB)
8. Paul London (1-2; 3 MB)
8. Chavo Guerrero (1-2; 3 MB)
11. Nunzio (0-2; 3.5 MB)
12. Spike Dudley (0-3; 4 MB)
IA: Scotty Too Hotty (2-0)
IA: Billy Kidman (0-1)
NR. Luther Reigns (0-0)
NR. Mark Jindrak (0-0)
NR: Funaki (0-0)
NR: Shannon Moore (0-0)
NR: Doug Basham (0-0)
NR: Danny Basham (0-0)

Tag Team Records Rankings:
1. The Basham Brothers (1-0)
1. Luther Reigns & Mark Jindrak (1-0)
3. Paul London & Funaki (1-0)
4. Nunzio & Shannon Moore (0-1)
5. Hardcore Holly & Charlie Haas (0-2)

Jobber Records Rankings:
Last. John Walters (0-1)
Last. Chet Jablowski (0-1)
Last. Bobby McAlister (0-1)
Last. Biohazard (0-1)
Last. Mike Mundo (0-1)
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SamoaRowe
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I've said it before and I'll say it again: I Love your Velocity reviews!
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Real F'n Show
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Yeah, CB, your DEFINATELY reviewing this show for the site. The rankings thing is unbelievably awesome. I can't believe you watched this show though, it sounds like shit. Dedication, I guess. Props.
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Scrooge McSuck
I'll get you next time, toilet!
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Dedication, and perfect timing. 11 pm there's nothing to do, and even when I was working, I got off every night at 10:30.

Now all I need to do is think of a reason to keep the rankings going somewhere. Winner I make a custom tape of and send it to all my enemies... unless it's a good wrestler.
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SamoaRowe
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Charlotte Bobcat,Feb 21 2005
08:00 PM
Dedication, and perfect timing. 11 pm there's nothing to do, and even when I was working, I got off every night at 10:30.

Now all I need to do is think of a reason to keep the rankings going somewhere. Winner I make a custom tape of and send it to all my enemies... unless it's a good wrestler.

Well, Hardcore Holly has a commanding lead so far, so your enemies should be expecting "The Best (?) of Bob Holly" in a few months.
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whitemilesdavis
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The ranking is a nice touch. maybe further down the line we'll be able to look at it and see some trends.
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Scrooge McSuck
I'll get you next time, toilet!
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One trend is forming pretty clearly right now: Despite being a low-rung babyface, Hardcore Holly won't job... of course, he's only beaten Spike Dudley, Suzuki and some jobbers, but still... someone make him lose! (hugs photo of Paul Lodon :wub:)
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Viceroy Virus
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The Return of Andre "The Fucking" Giant!
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I like how you make Velocity actually look like a popular show that every fan watches loyally. ...Like if it were Raw or SmackDown...
<a href="https://imgur.com/n82v3zw"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/n82v3zw.jpg" title="source: imgur.com" /></a>
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SamoaRowe
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prof_plague,Feb 23 2005
10:45 PM
I like how you make Velocity actually look like a popular show that every fan watches loyally. ...Like if it were Raw or SmackDown...

I suppose it is the most talked about show among smarks (and most enjoyable for the most part, this past weekend an exception).

Anyone else bummed that the Shannon Moore/Kazarian vs Big Vito/Nunzio match was a dark match? I would've LOVED to see that on Velocity.

London vs Spike should be solid.
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Scrooge McSuck
I'll get you next time, toilet!
[ *  *  * ]
Velocity right now is the best workrate show. You don't have to worry about stupid angles filling up time, and almost always, the matches have clean finishes, and never have interference for no reason.

Plus Paul London rules.
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