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| WWE Velocity (March 5th, 2005):; H. Holly/C. Haas vs. The Bashams | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Mar 5 2005, 10:05 PM (617 Views) | |
| Scrooge McSuck | Mar 5 2005, 10:05 PM Post #1 |
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I'll get you next time, toilet!
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- I'm really not into doing Velocity this week, but I'll tough it out. Today I finally recieved Major League Baseball 2K5 (Powered by ESPN), and damn, it's been so long since playing an MLB game that I forgot how fucking awesome they were. The feel of ESPN is just amazing, and thankfully, they didn't put John Kruk in the game... what a moron he is. Also in the pile of stuff to watch, another Underdog DVD, and that crappy Legend of Zelda cartoon that only has about three episodes and two episodes of Sonic the Hedgehog. However, this is Velocity, and it's time to light the lights. We already know who are the broadcast team for Velocity, so I won't even bother saying, although if you need a hint, one sucks and one doesn't. - Paul London & Funaki (1-0) vs. Chavo Guerrero & Akio (0-0): I guess I'm getting used to Londons funky outfit, although it still looks kinda queer. When did Chavo Guerrero turn heel again? (I know the answer, but I'm just saying...) London and Akio start the match (marks out). Lockup, and London with an arm drag takeover. London catches a boot, and applies a side headlock, but Akio avoids the hammerlock. Deep arm drag a la Ricky Steamboat from London, and he applies an armbar. Funaki goes to the top rope with an axehandle, but he gets a knee to the midsection. Irish whip, and Funaki turns a hurricanrana into a school boy for two. Funaki with an arm drag takeover into an armbar. London off the top with an axehandle to the left arm of Akio, and he applies a wristlock. Akio with an elbow to the side of the head, followed by a vicious chop. Irish whip to the corner, but London catches him with a forearm to the head and the double stomp off the top to the back. Chavo prevents something, and Akio connects with a spinning heel kick to take the advantage. Chavo drags London out of the ring and stomps away, before tossing him back in to allow Akio some choking. Chavo tags in and hammers away on London, and chokes him across the middle rope. Akio tags in with some mudhole stomping, followed by a nice suplex for two. Akio with some kicks to the head, but London tries fighting back, only to be kicked back down. Chavo comes in with a boot to the midsection and european uppercut. Irish whip is reversed, and London nails a heel kick, knocking both men down. Funaki tags in with some rights, followed by a weak diving forearm. Chavo ducks an enziguri attempt, and connects with a wheel barrel suplex as we go to a commercial break!? [Commercial Break] We finally come back from some crappy commercials, including the Ultimate Fighter. God damn I hate stupid fucking reality shows. Funaki hammers on both heels in the corner, but Chavo takes him down with a drop toe hold, then tags in Akio to drop a series of knees across the back, and applies a bow-and-arrow submission. Irish whip to the corner, and Funaki does the over sell bump. Chavo tags back in, and the duo connect with a double suplex for a two count. Funaki fights out of a chinlock, but runs into a knee to the midsection. Chavo drags Funaki back to the corner, and Akio comes in with a side russian legsweep into a modified octopus submission. Akio turns it into a sunset flip pin for a two count, then takes London out off the apron. Irish whip to the corner, but Funaki misses a charge and basement dropkicks Chavo in the ankle. London gets the real hot tag and nails Chavo with a side heel kick. Irish whip and London with a hurricanrana to Akio! Irish whip, and he takes Akio down with a back body drop. London with the dropkick on Chavo, and he lands on Akio for a close two count! London drags Akio into the corner, and heads up top, but gets shoved off to the floor by Chavo! The heels double team on Funaki, but Chavo gets dragged out by london. Funaki enziguris Akio down, and nails a pescado to Chavo. London to the top, and he nails the 450 splash for three at 11:54! **1/2 Good match, but a very slow paced heat segment on Funaki, and a horribly timed commercial break ruined the pace of the match. - WWE Hall of Fame Inductees for the Class of 2005: "Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff, The Iron Sheik, Nikolai Volkoff, "Cowboy" Bob Orton, "The Mouth of the South" Jimmy Hart, "Rowdy" Roddy Piper, and HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULK Hogan! (creams pants about 59,500,948 times over) I hope they release this on DVD again. [Commercial Break] - Last Week on Smackdown!: Kurt Angle gloats about the beating on Shawn Michaels, a.k.a Jesus Boy. Blah blah blah, don't give a shit, Shawn Michaels, faking being dressed as an Eminem wannabe but really is the camera man with a homosexual mustache, attacks Angle from behind blah blah blah, I don't care anymore, this sets up what will be the match featuring two of the most over-rated wrestlers of all time. [Commercial Break - Rowdy Roddy Piper hosts Pipers Pit with special guest "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. I bet this gets all the time devoted to the Cruiserweight Title Match] - Nunzio (0-2) vs. Spike Dudley (0-4) I like Nunzios chances at getting his first victory on Velocity in 2005. It's the battle of the Velocity basement losers, combining a record of 0-6. Lockup to start into the corner, and Spike misses a cheap shot of course. Nunzio catches a boot, and takes Spike down with a go behind. They exchange headlocks and hammerlocks, and Nunzio with a shoulderblock. Nunzio with a knee across the back of the head, and takes Spike over with a side headlock. Spike with a shoulder block in the corner, and he does the MIDGET RAGE~! stomping to piped in boos. Spike boots Nunzio in the face, and chokes him across the middle rope. Nunzio blocks a suplex and turns it into a small package for a two count. Spike Dudley with an inverted atomic drop followed by a clothesline for two. Romero actually called it an Inverted DDT... what a fucking moron. Even Tony Schiavone wouldn't have it called that. He would've called it a "SIDEWALK SLAM!". Spike connects with a back suplex, and now he... slowly... climbs to the top rope, and eats a boot on the stomp attempt. The first time that actually DIDN'T look like a stupid spot. Nunzio fights back with roundhouse rights and pulls Dudley by the hair of his chiny-chin-chin. Nunzio with a series of clotheslines, then drives Spike face first into the canvas. Nunzio with a mahistral cradle for a two count. Nunzio mocks Spike with the midget rage stomping, then goes to the second rope with the Sicilian Slice got a two count as Spike gets a foot on the ropes. Irish whip, and Spike with a battering ram headbutt, and then tries a cradle, but Nunzio blocks and lands on top for the three count at 4:48. *1/4 Quite energetic midget match, although it really doesn't matter since both guys are long buried in the WWE, and have no hope in hell of doing anything else. I almost thought Spike would actually win a match, but I should've though that out better. [Commercial Break: Wrestlemania Recall: Triple H gives Stephanie McMahon the pedigree at Wrestlemania X-8, where Triple H won the World Title. Who did he beat? According to Hunter, we probably shouldn't care, but I think it was some Canadian guy who had a father who played for the NHL's New York Rangers. Bret Hart maybe? Also, the Wrestlemania Movie Mockery is of (I believe) a Few Good Men, starring JBL and John Cena. JBL makes a good point... I'd have him as Champion any day of the week over John Cena.] - Last Week on Smackdown! In a match that probably set the world on fire, Orlando Jordan actually won that ugly-ass fucking United States Title from John "I have the joke mentality of a 11 year old" Cena, which means that his odds of winning the World Title are THAT much better. If this were to happen a few weeks ago, we would've had JBL, ORLANDO JORDAN, and THE BASHAMS holding all the titles. That's much scarier than the Evolution set of champions. [Commercial Break] - Hardcore Holly & Charlie Haas (1-2) vs. The Basham Brothers (1-0): God fucking damn, I hate the Basham Brothers, and the suck of them and Holly far outweighs the talent of Charlie Haas. Hopefully it'll be short, though... I hope to God it is. When was the last time Sparky-Haas have been on Smackdown? Haas and Danny Basham start the match. Lockup, and Danny with a go behind waistlock. Haas reverses with a hammerlock, and turns it into a wristlock on the mat. Haas applies a modified chinlock, and goes over the arm again. Holly gets the tag in and applies his own wristlock. Danny with a knee to the midsection, and Doug tags in, only to get slammed down for a two count. Irish whip is reversed, and Doug with a hip toss. Holly with a mule kick, followed by a snap suplex for a two count. Doug with a boot to the midsection, and he sends Holly to the corner, but misses a charge. Holly with some chops to kill the skin on Dougs chest. Irish whip to the corner, but the Bashams prevent the Alabama Slam. Doug stomps away at the former NASCAR Driver, then Danny gets in a cheap shot from outside the ring. Doug drags Holly into the middle of the ring, and connects with an elbow drop for a two count. He goes to the chinlock, then quickly turns the hold into a sleeper. Holly fights free, but runs into another sleeper, but he breaks free with a jaw breaker. Danny tags back in and drops a series of elbow drops for another two count. Danny applies a Full Nelson, but Holly won't give up, making Chris Masterbates finisher look like crap in the process... thankfully. Holly with an overhead takedown, and he drops Danny with a full nelson slam. Both teams make the tags, and Haas hammers away on both of the Bashams with clotheslines. Back drop to Doug, and a dropkick to Danny. Haas with an over-head slam to Doug, and he applies the Haas of Pain, but Danny runs in with an elbow drop. Holly gets taken out, and Haas misses a charge to the corner. Doug connects with some funky leg drop from a standing position, and that gets the victory at 5:37. *3/4 So sue me, I actually enjoyed the match... to an extent. By no means a good match, but it wasn't that bad either, which is surprising to me. Final Thoughts: Not too bad of an episode of Velocity this week. A few entertaining tag team matches, and a not entirely bad midget (OK, not REALLY midgets) match between Velocitys biggest losers make this a watchable show. However, nothing is worth tracking down for those who must see everything good from these shows. ONTO THE RAKINGS! Nothing really happened this week, as Nunzio moves from 12th place into a tie for 11th in the singles record department, while the Bashams maintain 1st place in the Tag Team division, however London and Funaki bump off Jindrak and Reigns to take over the other 1st place ranking. Haas and Holly continue sucking in the Tag division, as they flal to 1-3, despite having a combined record of 8-1 in singles matches. Singles Records Ratings: (As of March 6th, 2005) 1. Hardcore Holly (5-0) 2. Charlie Haas (3-1; 1.5 MB) 2. Booker T (2-0; 1.5 MB) 4. Scotty Too Hotty (2-1; 2 MB) 4. Orlando Jordan (1-0; 2 MB) 4. John Heidenreich (1-0; 2 MB) 4. Akio (2-1; 2 MB) 8. Rene Dupree (3-3; 2.5 MB) 8. Paul London (2-2; 2.5 MB) 8. Kenzo Suzuki (2-2; 2.5 MB) 11. Chavo Guerrero (1-2; 3 MB) 11. Nunzio (1-2; 3 MB) 13. Spike Dudley (0-5; 5 MB) IA: Billy Kidman (0-1) NR. Luther Reigns (0-0) NR. Mark Jindrak (0-0) NR: Funaki (0-0) NR: Shannon Moore (0-0) NR: Doug Basham (0-0) NR: Danny Basham (0-0) Tag Team Records Rankings: 1. The Basham Brothers (2-0) 1. Paul London & Funaki (2-0) 3. Luther Reigns & Mark Jindrak (1-0) 4. Nunzio & Shannon Moore (0-1) 5. Akio & Chavo Guerrero (0-1) 5. Hardcore Holly & Charlie Haas (1-3) LAST. Fred Sampson & Mike Kruel (0-1) Jobber Records Rankings: Last. John Walters (0-1) Last. Chet Jablowski (0-1) Last. Bobby McAlister (0-1) Last. Biohazard (0-1) Last. Mike Mundo (0-1) |
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| SamoaRowe | Mar 10 2005, 01:30 PM Post #2 |
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dWb Superstar
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I really like what your rankings have shown us when it comes to the Holly/Haas connection. Of course I expect them to randomly win the titles sometime this year. |
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5:37 PM Jul 10