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| NWA-TNA Impact (July 23rd, 2005) | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jul 22 2005, 10:03 PM (606 Views) | |
| Scrooge McSuck | Jul 22 2005, 10:03 PM Post #1 |
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I'll get you next time, toilet!
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- Mike Tenay runs down No Surrender results, where we saw Raven successfully defend the World Title against Abyss, and the debut of Rhino as he gored Raven out of his... uh... nothing actually. Way to go TNA, your main feud seems to be a lowcard match from Backlash 2001. (claps like an idiot) - Usual hosts are Mike Tenay and Don West from the studio 21 whatever at Uniserval Studios in Orlando, FL. - Lance Hoyt vs. David Young: Heh, I didn't think it was an in thing for a GUY to get one of those slutty back/ass tattoos. Hopefully, David Young isn't doing his jobbing bitch gimmick again, mainly because it never helps anyone. Young blindsides Hoyt with a baseball slide before the bell and a series of rights. Inside the ring, and Hoyt takes him down with clotheslines and a one man flap jack until Abyss runs in for the DQ at 0:26. Uh... yeah. No Rating for the obvious reasons. No wonder they rushed all of that crap into less than 30 seconds. Abyss levels Young with right, and nails the sit down back breaker. Hoyt tries his luck, but falls victim to a blackhole slam. Mitchell then gets on the microphone and pimps Abyss and promises more destruction. - Super X Quarter-Finals Match: Sonjay Dutt vs. Samoa Joe: This is my first ever viewing of Samoa Joe, so hopefully he lives up to the probable overhype the internet community gives him. Dutt kicks at the knee of Joe to start, but gets shoved down. Basement dropkick to the knee by Dutt, followed by more kicks... and we go to a Commercial break? Nice timing there with the commercials TNA. Real smooth... We come back and Samoa Joe nails a suicide dive elbow, sending Dutt flying up the aisle. Woah, I rarely see fat guys do that one. Back inside the ring, and Joe covers for a two count. Wristlock by Joe, followed by an irish whip to the corner and a running kick to the head. Joe rakes his boot across the eyes of Dutt, and follows with a charging knee across the face. Snapmare, and Joe with a series of blows followed by a knee drop for a two count. Abdominal stretch applied. Dutt fights free with a series of rights and lefts, but is quickly put back down with a back elbow to the side of the head. Super-Delayed brain buster by Joe gets a two count. Chops in the corner by Joe, followed by a headbutt. Joe kills Dutt with a kicks into the midsection. High impact back suplex, and that gets another two count. More methodical blows by Samoa Joe in the corner. Irish whip, and Dutt avoids a rush. Missile dropkick by Dutt, followed by a spring board hurricanrana, sending Joe outside. Baseball slide by Dutt, followed by a somersault plancha! Back into the ring, and Dutt comes off the top with a cross body press for a two count. Chops by Dutt, and he connects with an enziguri. Dutt off the ropes, but he runs into a powerslam, but only for a two count. Joe applies a cross armbreaker, but Dutt makes it to the ropes with his toe. Bitch slaps by Samoa Joe, and he sets up Dutt on the top turnbuckle. Dutt fights him off and bites away. He gets caught with a vicious powerbomb in a hurricanrana attempt, Joe turns it into a step over STF, and then finally into a rear naked choke for the tap out win at 10:33. **1/4 Not too bad of a match for Impact, considering it was actually given some time. Samoa Joes slow style wrestling really isn't something I fancy, but the last couple of minutes realy picked up steam. Shane Douglas tries getting a word from Joe, but he brushes him off. - Backstage, Sean Waltman/Syxx-Pac/Whatever his name is gets in Jerry Lynn's face, but the volume is too low to really hear, but it seems like Waltman is pissed off about something. I'm betting this is leading to a PPV match at... whatever the hell the next lame PPV is called. Lynn apparently puts the guilt trip on Waltman from earlier in his career, but again, the volume dips. However, Syxx-Kid pulls out some money before Lynn gets in his face some more. - Sonny Siaki & Apolo vs. Monty Brown & Kip James: I'm not even going to ask about the name change from "The Outlaw" to Kip James, but at least it's better than Monty Kip Sopp. This match is going to suck some serious ass. The broadcasters give a little information about the name change, but that just makes me more upset. Brown and Siaki start the match. Boot to the midsection by Brown, and both men exchange blows. Hey, Slick Johnson is back as a referee, the guy who sells moves that doesn't touch him. In the entrance area is B.G. James as lots of nothing happens. Kip James runs into a Siaki drop toe hold, and he unloads on the Ex-Billy Gunn with rights. Outside the ring, Brown beats on Apolo. Siaki runs into a boot from "Kip", and now he hammers away with rights. Brown takes out the referee, and nails Siaki with the POOOOOOOOUNCE~! into the referee. Another referee comes out to count the fall at 2:22. DUD Well that was a waste of time, but at least we didn't have to see Apolo's crappy ass in the ring. Here comes Ron Killings and Konnan to brawl with the heels, with the two black guys obviously pairing off. - Backstage, Simon Diamond (thank GOD he ditched that Pat Kenney crap name) mouths off to David Young, but the volume still sucks. Please TNA, get rid of David Young. He adds nothing to TNA, and anchoring Diamond with him AGAIN really isn't too creative. - Commercial of TNA trying to pretend that they are big shit because a couple of retarded losers living in their parents basement think the show was great. It's probably TNA actually making up these comments and pretending someone else said them, which makes it even sadder. WWE doesn't need to shamelessly 'self promote themselves on their own television show, so why does TNA feel they need to do that? - Backstage the referees get some microphone time with Larry "I think I'm big shit but I'm really not" Zybysko playing commish or whatever the hell TNA uses for people in "power" in their storylines. I guess we'll have another referee strike, like in 1999 WWF. - NWA World Heavyweight Champion Raven comes out for some promo time. Wow, this show has been really talk filled, hasn't it? He reminds us about the finish of No Surrender, where he defeated Abyss after DDTing him onto a pile of thumbtacks, and runs down Jarrett and Rhino. Raven gets angry and teases something that would take 1 of them out of TNA. Raven calls himself a human cancer when Jarretts music plays... (turns off TV) I think we all know where this is going. After some talking, Rhino takes out Raven with the GORE! GORE! GORE! and we get some double teaming, until.... no one makes the save. - Super-X Quarter-Finals Match: A.J. Styles vs. Michael Shane (w/ Traci Brooks): Mmm... Traci... oh wait, to the match! God Damn, another name change? Damn you WWE for signing the loser Shane Twins and thus fucking around with another TNA Guy. This has a chance to be pretty good. Fuck WWE, I'm calling him Michael Shane. Lockup to start, and Shane runs to the outside. Back inside the ring, and Shane hammers away. Irish whip is reversed, and Styles nails a dropkick as we go to a commercial break. Back to the match, and Shane is outside the ring. Shane with a series of rights, and Styles comes back with some of his own. Irish whip is reversed, and Styles connects with a hip toss back breaker. Deep arm drag by Styles, and into an armbar. Suplex by Styles gets a quick two count. Irish whip, and Styles with a side back breaker for another two count. Styles gets tripped up art ringside, so he beats up on a woman. Shane misses the behind the back attack, but snaps Styles neck across the top rope from the apron. Wristlock applied by Shane. Whip to the corner is reversed, but Styles posts his shoulder on a charge attempt. Shane applies a hammerlock, and sends Styles into the corner again. Irish whip, and Shane with a dropkick for a two count. Wristlock applied and right now I'm getting bored. Chops are exchanged, but Shane takes down styles with a DDT for a two count. Styles gets his arm wrenched around the bottom rope, and we get some outside assistance behind the referee's back. Scoop slam and knee drop to the arm by Shane gets a two count. Shane applies a short arm scissors. Styles escapes for a moment, but Shane drops him with a jawbreaker (I think, I wasn't looking until styles sold it) and applies another armbar. (snores) Styles fights free, and nails a back flip kick to the head of Shane. What the heck was that, and has he been doing this for long? Styles with a series of clotheslines, followed by a springboard elbow to the chest of Shane. Spinning clothesline by Styles gets a two count. Shane quickly escapes the Styles Clash with a downward spiral, but only for a two count. Kick to the head from Shane, and he plants Styles with a powerbomb for a two count. In comes a AMW guy to knock out Shane behind the referees back, and Styles gets the lame pinfall victory at 12:24. * I just wasn't feeling this one at all. Michael Shane has always come off as too vanilla to carry a match as a heel, relies too much on boring rest holds, and does nothing flashy. Styles also spent way too much time on defense, considering he's about 500 times better than Shane in the ring. Final Thoughts: First review I've done in nearly a month, and damn was it painful to get through. I need to start training myself to sit through long matches again. Joe/Dutt was pretty good for a regular television match, but Styles/Shane was super disappointing, the opener was a 20 second match for Abyss to destroy everyone in, and the tag match sucked, even though it was only 2:00. Not too great of a show, considering it's the first time I've watched it completely in forever. |
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| Erick Von Erich | Jul 23 2005, 10:56 PM Post #2 |
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I'm Big E and I tell it like it is
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Thank you for watching this so I don't have to. Umm...since you're one of TWO regular contributors, can I copy n' paste this to my Crappy Website? It'd keep my mini IMpact streak alive. |
| DWS Apparel Store- Buy. Consume. Obey. | |
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| Scrooge McSuck | Jul 23 2005, 11:38 PM Post #3 |
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I'll get you next time, toilet!
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I don't mind, but then it allows that faggot boat guy to read a review. :( |
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| Erick Von Erich | Jul 24 2005, 11:28 AM Post #4 |
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I'm Big E and I tell it like it is
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You even stol...errr.."liberated" my Lance Hoyt ass tattoo joke! At least I still have Sonjay's hair. |
| DWS Apparel Store- Buy. Consume. Obey. | |
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5:36 PM Jul 10