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2010 NFL Thread
Topic Started: Aug 18 2010, 10:57 AM (3,047 Views)
Erick Von Erich
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I'm Big E and I tell it like it is
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The NFL is back again....which means some douche at your workplace will soon be wanking over his fantasy football team. Or maybe YOU will. If so, then this is YOUR thread, bunky!

Tim Tebow, in vintage John Elway-on-the-Simpsons fashion, scored a TD on the last play of last weekend's game....to cut his team's lead to 10 points as time expired.

One again, my annual Donkey Prediction That Hasn't Changed for 8 Years: final record 8-8!

Someone asked me how they'll do without Elvis "Doctor" Dumervil. They can go 8-8 with him just as easily as they can go 8-8 without him.

I also discontinued my weekly Donkey Rants, early last year and will not be doing them this year. Turns out, I was right: nobody read 'em and every "true blue/orange fan" just wants more mindless Donkey Dick-Sucking.
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Scrooge McSuck
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In the Giants side of things, how awesome was Eli Manning's gash during the game the other night? Ouch...
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Erick Von Erich
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Hrm. NFL 2010 season starts today...which means another 5 -6 months of Bud Light, CapitolOne ("What's in Your Wallet") and Southwest Airlines commercials. At least those assinine Wchovia commericals have died ("What can a toy store teach us about investing?")

Dagnabbit, bring back Snickers "FEAST"!!

Oh, and Tim Tebow had 1 rush for 1 yard. Get him on your fantasy team. His exploits and Donkeys impact may approach those of Lamont Jordan before all is said and done.
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Erick Von Erich
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ESPN: "Packers vs Bears on Monday Night Football! It's a Battle of UNBEATENS for control of the NFC North!"

Me: "umm.... it's the third game of the season and they're each a whopping 2-0"


I also randomly tuned into ...choke...Sports Radio on Monday morning. They had Kurt Warner on to talk about....Dancing with the Stars. They then proceeded to analyze it like it was a fucking playoff game. I thought they were joking, but the punch line never came. That's what your "football talk" has devolved to: a buncha' jackasses spending 15 minutes talking about a lame "celebreality show" about ballroom dancing. Jim Brown's rolling over in his grave and he's not even dead!

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Scrooge McSuck
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The Giants must be out to prove something. Beating the tar out of Chicago phsyically, knocking Cutler out of the game, and then the backup just got knocked silly, so now they've got the third stringer in to finish the game.
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JimBob Skeeter
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http://www.startribune.com/ sports/ vikings/ 104249098.html? source=rss_ teams_ Minnesota_ Vikings

Jared Allen: 15 yards for unnecessary roping
The NFL informed Jared Allen that his post-sack calf-roping performance will draw a foul if he goes down on a knee to do it.

By JUDD ZULGAD and CHIP SCOGGINS, Star Tribune staff writers

Last update: October 4, 2010 - 6:01 AM

It looks like Jared Allen might be in the market for a new sack celebration. Or at least a different version of his current one.

An NFL spokesman confirmed Sunday that the league has informed Allen and the Vikings that the All-Pro defensive end will be penalized and possibly fined if he performs his "calf roping" celebration after a sack. FOX Sports first reported the story.

The league prohibits players from going to the ground in celebrations. After sacks, Allen takes a knee, pretends to rope a calf and then throws his arms in the air. Allen presumably can still perform his celebration as long as he's standing on his feet.

Allen has performed his post-sack celebration for years so it's curious the league is threatening punishment now. Asked about the new stance, a league spokesman wrote in an e-mail: "That is how the new head of officiating wants it enforced."

The spokesman e-mailed the Star Tribune an explanation of the ruling:

"The Vikings were informed by Vice President of Officiating Carl Johnson that Jared Allen's demonstration, in which he goes to the ground on one knee, is unsportsmanlike conduct as defined by NFL rules. Rule 12, Section 3, Article 1 (d) of the NFL Rule Book states: 'Players are prohibited from engaging in any celebrations while on the ground.' Demonstrations of this kind by any player will result in an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty (loss of 15 yards) and are subject to potential fines."
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W. t. f. Ok then.
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Erick Von Erich
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Haven't watched a Vikes game in years, but based on my memories of Allen from his days in KC: I'd fine his ass for wearing that stupid headband. Does he still do that?
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JimBob Skeeter
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I WAS going to say yes, but I can't recall seeing it in a while, at least not since he cut his mullet off.
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Erick Von Erich
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Welp...Vikings now have the 1998 Dream Team as they now have Brett Favre-to-Randy Moss. Heck, pick up Tony Gonzalez, then talk Barry Sanders out of retirement and might be able to sneak past Chris Chandler and those pesky Atlanta Falcons for the NFC title!
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JimBob Skeeter
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Daddy likey.

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Erick Von Erich
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Yesterday's Jets-Donkeys game: I'm not bitter, since the Donkeys have all the chances of a leper on prom night this year..... but a 50 yard pass interference penalty inside of 2 minutes to give the Jets the win?!

Switching to NFL Films Deep-Voiced Guy:

"When it mattered most, quarterback Mark Sanchez of the New York Jets led his team onto the field, facing utter defeat. It was at that moment, that Sanchez and his team reached down into the lower depths of their souls to pull out a most improbable win..... with an INTERFERENCE PENALTY.... to complete one of the greatest 4th quarter comebacks in franchise history".

THIS is the NFL! Please visit us online to support your gambling habit, get your fantasy football fix and blow 200 bucks on a shitty customized jersey. Also, please visit your local Shitty Bar to stimulate the economy by sitting in that craphole for 6 hours, drinking $4 beer "specials", eating fried mozarella sticks and buffalo wings while calling it a "pastime".
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Erick Von Erich
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Yeah...I'm hating the NFL more and more, each day. I tried to read the mid-week news and it's full of bullshit like fines for late hits and other disciplinary mandates (oh..and Junior Seau driving himself off a cliff).

Have your flippin' lockout and labor dispute so you can kill everybody else's interest, along with mine. To paraphrase the Bad News Bears: "Hey NFL-- take your stupid $125 tickets and your fantasy football..and shove up 'em up your ass!"
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Erick Von Erich
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This is rapidly becoming the Greatest Broncos Season in History. At least when it comes to idiotic quotes and stupid mistakes on the field.

After getting trounced by the 49ers in London and sitting at 2-6, Donkeys LB Marion Haggan had this to say:

Quote:
 

"We understand we have another game in two weeks, and we still have an opportunity to win our division"

Technically, you also have an opportunity to cure cancer or build a flying car. But sometimes we're hampered by this pesky thing called "reality".
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JimBob Skeeter
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Holy fuck Fire Childress.
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http://www.startribune.com/sports/vikings/...i_vckD8EQD_1cuU

Evidently Brad Childress had a very good reason for letting Randy Moss stay in the Boston area after Sunday's game. He didn't want him to return to Winter Park -- ever.

The NFL Network is reporting that Moss has been waived by the Vikings a day after the wide receiver gave a rambling statement following a loss to the Patriots. Childress attempted to downplay Moss' comments in his news conference this afternoon but clearly he had seen enough after the wide receiver played four games for the Vikings.

Moss, obtained from the Patriots in early October for a third-round pick in 2011, had only one catch for 8 yards on Sunday and had 13 catches for 174 yards and three touchdowns since joining the Vikings.

The end of Moss' second tenure with the Vikings came after Sunday's 28-18 loss at New England.

Moss, who was fined $25,000 last week for failing to cooperate with the media, informed everyone that he would no longer take questions for the rest of the season but instead would ask himself questions and then answer them. Moss then proceeded to praise the Patriots, while criticizing the Vikings for not listening to the tips he gave them about his former team. Moss also took a shot at Childress for not kicking a field goal at the end of the first half and instead going for it on fourth down at the New England 1-yard line. Adrian Peterson lost 2 yards.

Childress disagreed with Moss' assertion that he had not heeded the advice the veteran gave about how New England would approach things. “I think we did a pretty good job of heeding it, both offensively and defensively," Childress said. "He gave us some windows into how we thought they would end up playing. That’s obviously in his eyes.”

Childress, though, attempted to downplay there were any troubles with Moss when in fact he had set the wheels in motion to get rid of him.

“Do I find [the comments] incendiary?" he said. "I just think he was going back to a spot that he has a lot of affection for and I thought by and large those comments were regarding the people there, the coach there, the ownership there and obviously there’s a fondness in his heart for those guys on that football team. Hey, you’d like to go out there and beat their tails off, nothing he would like better, but at the same time he enjoyed his stay there.”

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Erick Von Erich
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Ugh... read an article in the Denver Post, yesterday, where Donkeys WR Brandon Lloyd tries to justify why he does the "U Can't See Me" move. He and Jabar Gaffney like doing it after certain catches. Assholes.

I know Tupac had a "You Can't See Me" tune, but is the hand-motion attributed to John Cena, or did it develop well before that? Please tell me: "well before that".
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