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| WrestleMania 13 | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: May 8 2014, 12:58 PM (491 Views) | |
| Scrooge McSuck | May 8 2014, 12:58 PM Post #1 |
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I'll get you next time, toilet!
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WrestleMania Season is over, but I had an itch to check this one out. It's even worse than I remember, with the exception of one match... (Unfortunately, we cannot relive the Free For All Match between Billy Gunn (pre-Rockabilly) and Flash Funk (I never liked Scorpio to begin with), which would generously land around *1/2 if memory is correct) 1. The Godwinns vs. Doug Furnas & Phil LaFon vs. The NEW Blackjacks vs. The Headbangers - Hyped as the winner recieving a title shot on Monday Night Raw. For the opening match, the crowd is DEAD. Furnas and LaFon pop them with some high flying/high impact offense, so of course they, along with the Blackjacks, are gone first. Windham looks to be in decent shape by his late 90's standards, and took a heck of a bump on a hurricanrana. The Headbangers seemed to get better face reactions than the Godwinns, and have a decent mini-match to close it out. *1/2 2. Rocky Miavia vs. The Sultan - The crowd doesn't care for anyone, and yes, "Rocky Sucks" chants pop up from time to time. Honkytonk Man is particularly annoying on commentary, Backlund and the Iron Sheik are at ringside for the Sultan, and we spot Lou Albano and Tony Atlas in the crowd. Rocky's daddy, Rocky Johnson, makes a post-match save. Did I mention the constant references to the original Blackjacks during the opener? We're in 1997, and there's too much references to the late 70's/early 80's on the show and we're only two matches deep! Rocky retains with a crappy roll-up. DUD 3. Goldust vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley - Another match with a less-than-excited crowd. Hunter recently introduced Chyna to the world, and Goldust is flopping hard as a babyface because we have no reason to cheer him. We're 3 for 3 with matches that don't feel very "Wrestlemania". So far, it's like a weak episode of Monday Night Raw. They were trying hard, but that only gets you so far. Hunter wins with a Pedigree thanks to a ringside distraction involving Marlena and Chyna. Did Goldust win a meaningful babyface match until the humiliation of Brian Pillman at SummerSlam? ** - Shawn Michaels goofing around on a lap-top has been the highlight of the show. MR. WRESTLEMANIA! 4. Owen Hart & British Bulldog vs. Vader & Mankind - Heels vs. Heels, although Davey Boy has been rocking a tweener role, leaning towards a face turn that never happened. On paper, this should've been a MOTN Contender. Same was said about Mr. Perfect vs. Shawn Michaels at SummerSlam '93, and we all know how great that match was (not very). Bulldog does a good job playing default-face-in-peril, but the crowd only pops for big moves and doesn't sustain any excitement. Owen gets the hot tag, hits a few big moves, but the crowd goes deathly silent between spots. Then we get a REALLY LAME cop-out finish with a Count-Out of the Champions. **1/2 5. Bret Hart vs. Steve Austin - Submissions Only. Probably the greatest match in WWF History, and easily one of my Top 5 of All-Time Favorites. Flawless action, great story, the double-turn, the iconic image of Austin bleeding while trapped in the Sharpshooter... just an amazing performance that single-handedly saved this WrestleMania from being the worst of all time. I know I'm cutting things short with this one, but there's not much else to say. It's a classic match and every wrestling fan should watch it at least once. I don't know where Austin cut himself, but it's probably one of the nastiest blade jobs in WWF History. ***** 6. LOD & Ahmed Johnson vs. The Nation of Domination - Chicago Street Fight, meaning anything goes. Does the Nation's "By any means necessary" slogan have any meaning behind the war between WCW and WWF, or just coincidence? Hawk quite literally brings the kitchen sink with him, and Ahmed gets to wear some LOD shoulder pads to show unity. All members of the nation, including the unnamed D'Lo Brown and PG-13, get in on the action, with some good brawling and high spots. Goes a little too long at times, and there's a couple of botches, notably a spot on the table with Faarooq and Animal, but another match to help pick up what the undercard couldn't do, and that's get the crowd into it. *** 7. The Undertaker vs. Sycho Sid - For the WWF Title. Shawn Michaels comes out to do special commentary, no-selling his career-ending injury, and Bret Hart comes out to be a prick, and eats a Powerbomb for his troubles. Possibly the worst show-closing Main Event in WrestleMania History. It's long, slow, Sid's calling spots loudly, and we get a screwjob finish thanks to interference from Bret Hart. Undertaker getting a real reign as WWF Champion was nice to see, considering the shit hand he was dealt from pretty much day one of his babyface turn in 1992. 1/2* Bret/Austin is good enough to save the show, making it the "Best of the Worst" WrestleMania's, ahead of such anti-classics as Mania's 1, 2, 5, 9, 11, 15, and 29. The Main Event SUCKED, the undercard was heatless and underwhelming, and this is quite easily the definition of a one-match show. Even if you dare play fantasy booker using the pieces available, there's not much you could do to make it a better card, and don't pretend you could get Shawn Michaels to work, either. |
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12:06 PM Jul 11