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| 24 July 08; Pure Speculation | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jun 21 2017, 04:50 PM (33 Views) | |
| Devilkitty McDeathydoom | Jun 21 2017, 04:50 PM Post #1 |
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Lottery
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SOMETIME IN THE SUMMER OF 2008 AKUMA Guys, I'm getting a phone call. It's... wow that's weird, it's from EPS. OVD What? Send it to voicemail, we've got a show to do! Why isn't the audience here yet? AKUMA, still in her weird phone holding pose Mushy mushy? SIGYN'S VOICE Um... Moist? AKUMA Oh. Hey, OVD, it's the Audience. Or half of it, anyway. OVD What. The fuck. AKUMA OVD says "What the fuck?" SIGYN Yes, I heard. Yeah, so, I'm in emergency psychiatric. It's a long story, but basically Drepanon sent me back to school and then my brain wouldn't work when I woke up this morning and now I'm... here. SERLEINA What even happened, was it like...?
SIGYN What? No! I mean, I can see why you'd think that, but no, Serleina, who would ever--! SERLEINA I'm just checking because that's what happened to me. EPIPHANY [And literally no-one was surprised.] SERLEINA Well, fine, then, Doc, what do YOU think happened?
USAGI No, that's silly. It must have gone more like this!
EPIPHANY zaps Usagi. USAGI Was that necessary?! ILLYBRIUS Yeah, Epiphany, she's not ME. USAGI Fine then. YOU tell us what happened. ILLYBRIUS Well....
CINNAMON Whoa, no, I, uh, I doubt that happened. Ever at all. It was probably something more like...
EVRYN Wait, wait, why is everyone assuming that she was just hitting on Drepanon or stabbing a twelve year old girl? Since she was there with her boyfriend, it probably went a little more like...
CORRI No, that's something YOU would do. It was most likely... SERLEINA TRIGGER WARNING! CORRI Hey, you didn't let me-- REIYA We all know what your guess is going to be about. CORRI Well if I'm so predictable then just go right ahead, Reiya. REIYA Okay!
CORRI That's not at all what I was thinking, but go on! You have my undivided attention. EPIPHANY [Please don't.] CORRI What I was THINKING was...
SIGYN Um, Corri? Can I ask you something? CORRI Of course. Anything. SIGYN What show do YOU think you're on? CORRI We're on a harem anime, of course! SIGYN Um... that... no, not even a little bit-- well, okay, sort of a little bit. I mean, there was a boob involved. ORION Now, now, everyone, enough with your silly guesses. You may think you know our dear Audience very well. However, I can tell you with the utmost certainty what actually happened.
SIGYN HOWEVER, shut the fuck up, it wasn't like that. It-- it was an accident. VAAN VELLO, MORTALS! AKUMA That's what this scene needed. *sniffle* More Vaan. VAAN Yes, I quite agree. If the girl says it was an accident, "voo" should believe her. I "vully" believe that it was not an intentional strip tease. VOWEVER-- CINNAMON Oh, great, you've combined the two most annoying verbal tics on the show. ORION Hey, don't steal my word, vampire! VAAN I didn't. I merely GLORIFIED it! Now "vaz" I was saying... CALEB DOT! DOT! DOT! VAAN Silence, fool, it isn't your time yet! CALEB Awww. VAAN It "vent" a "vittle" something like "vis".
SERLEINA Badgers. In the Redwoods. Vaan, there's no point asking this as a yes or no question, but precisely how-- shut up Lena-- mentally deficient ARE you? VAAN ... Ves. VOWEVER, I was bitten by a badger in the Redwoods. On the arm. EVERYONE looks at Illybrius. ILLYBRIUS What? CORRI Well, you are Mr. Arm Eating God Thingy. ILLYBRIUS Have I ever told you how much I hate that title? CALEB ANYWAY guys, you're all being ridiculous. It was probably something very simple. More like...
SIGYN Ugh, it-- Wait. Actually, close enough. That did happen. But that's not why I'm here. At least, I hope that's not why I'm here. CALEB So he didn't kick you out from seeing your nipple? I would have. Girl nipples are gross. SIGYN YOUR FACE IS GROSS! DURAL I return triumphantly from polishing Charon's foot armor to tell you all what I think happened! AKUMA NYAAAH, HE'S GOING TO EEEAAAT MEEEEE SERLEINA There's no need to announce it right now. DURAL SHUT UP, WHORE! REIYA Rude. DURAL THIS is what ACTUALLY happened to get her kicked out!
CORRI Oh, yeah, that makes sense. SIGYN NO! IT DOESN'T! What is WRONG with you... uh... Male Corri! DURAL It's Dural! You don't remember me? SIGYN You were a one-shot filler villain! Why would I remember you? DURAL Because I was the FIRST one-shot filler villain! I originated the grand tradition of threadbare Corri Sock villains! SIGYN TRUST me, that-- what you came up with-- wouldn't be an issue. You'd know that if you'd watched the show after you were written out! AHRRY THE RANDOM TALKING DONKEY You know what WOULD be an issue?
SIGYN I don't even do cocaine! AHRRY Sure. We know. Wink, wink. Geddit? I said wink, because you can't see me winking, because we're on the phone! OVD It was obviously something much more mundane.
SIGYN Um... yeah, I just really don't think Meta and I would have ever gotten together if I was interested in money and material crap. OVD And where is Meta now? You know, in relation to where you are? SIGYN ... OVD Exactly. SEI-SEI You're all being stupid, and you should feel stupid. Clearly, she had to do something completely monstrous, closer to what Ahrry suggested, but a little more like...
SIGYN If I was going to do that, I would done it at Job Corps. Honestly... SEI-SEI Ohkayyyy. FENNEL She's right, we need to be more realistic.
ENON That was terrifying. FENNEL Teehee~ ENON ... No. Just, no. DESMODA Well, I was going to make a guess, but since you're here, what do you think happened? ENON It's like everyone's been saying, it must have been an extreme breach of etiquette.
CORRI Are we all entirely sure Drepanon's not into that? CINNAMON Um. YOU would know, Corri. CORRI What makes you say that? DESMODA This is all unnecessarily overwrought. I can tell you, easily, what happened. There were five people in that group, correct? Drepanon, Metacirn, Marigold, Stoker Rae, and Sigyn. Assuming they didn't plan to camp out the entire time, Drepanon would have wanted to get a motel room. Motel rooms that will accommodate five people are not exactly inexpensive, and then there's the question of who would sleep two to a bed. It would have been far too complicated with her there, so Drepanon probably had her sent back to school for practicality purposes. OVD Come to think of it, that DOES make the most sense. ILLYBRIUS And it's not like she would let Meta get much time with his family. She would want him all to herself. CIN But on the other hand, she wouldn't want charges brought against her for attempting to kill one or more of them with that many witnesses. FENNEL And a twelve-year-old girl who would probably be traumatized by such an event. SIGYN Oh... I thought I had just been too much of a burden. ORION You probably were that, too. SIGYN Anyway, I've already spent too long on the phone and I need to obsessively call Stoker Rae and see if I can get ahold of Meta. *hangs up* |
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11:01 AM Jul 11