madhackrviper

Jul 1 2010, 12:21 AM

I read your post I just thought it was a joke.

Quote:

 

Contrary to what madhack might have anticipated--and I can only hypothesize his thought process in this situation, which is why I have opted to use the word "might," out of fear of legal action being taken against myself and choosing to avoid being attributed to any definitive statement on what madhack may or may not have been thinking during the construction of his post--the post received a decidedly negative reaction. Many posters were aghast to say the least over the longevity of the post, and they voiced their dissension loudly and frequently. Some even pursued the possibility that madhack's controversial post had actually distracted others from the original topic at hand, which was the brand-new season of Big Brother, the show's twelfth edition, and turned it into a completely opposite direction that focused on madhack's post instead.

This theory, alas, does not stand up under scrutiny. It is worth noting that the title of the thread remained "Big Brother 12." It was not renamed to anything like "madhack's post," "madhack's excessively long post," "check out madhack's post," "check out madhack's excessively long post"3, "who wants to read madhack's post?", "madhack shares his thoughts on big brother 12," "madhack shares his feelings on big brother 12," "madhack shares his thoughts and feelings on the big brother 12 cast," "madhack shares his thoughts and feelings on the cast of big brother 12," "madhack shares his thoughts and feelings on the cast of the new season of big brother," "madhack shares his thoughts and feelings on the cast of the new season of big brother (12)," "madhack shares his thoughts and feelings on the cast of the new season of big brother (XII),"or one of the many possible variations on a title of this sort that references the fact that madhack made a very long post (and possibly referencing the fact that his post is centered around the latest, twelfth, season of the CBS summer reality hit Big Brother).

beatles20147

Jul 1 2010, 03:52 AM

I enjoyed madhack's post. Having not read the bios on the website--and indeed, not really anticipating the possibility that I will do so prior to the premiere--it was helpful to see some highlights of the contestants' profiles in one post to avoid having to read them myself. To be perfectly veracious, I do not see myself visiting the official website until viewers will be able to vote on tasks for the saboteur to complete or when they start posting hot pictures of Rachel (who, as madhack noted, bears a remarkable resemblance to former WWE diva and Celebrity Apprentice 3 contestant Maria Kanellis)¹, whichever of these events should occur first.

I flirted with the idea of quoting the entire thing and then simply posting "I agree" as a joke, but I abandoned the idea for fear that the effort would seem pedantic and patronizing. My other idea was to quote it and change one term to "anal sex" as a gag inspired by the tradition at Sucks in which news articles are meddled with by inappropriately inserting the term to monitor whether readers are paying attention, but once again, I determined that to be in poor taste in reflection of an underrated and under-read post by madhack.

Certainly, Big Brother is hardly seen as the typical topic for that sort of lengthy missive. Big Brother is a mere reality show, and I think that most viewers would agree that it's perhaps the sleaziest reality show on a broadcast network--certainly on CBS at least, which is home to flagship series such as The Amazing Race and Survivor, which began the reality craze a decade ago. But in some ways, that makes Big Brother the perfect topic for such a grand endeavor. I certainly did not expect to have to scroll down so much in a thread devoted to the show, much less for one single post. That element of surprise instantly assured that the post would stand out. Having suitably caught my attention, I was intrigued enough to read the full thing. (As I mentioned earlier though, the fact that it provided easy access to highlights of the contestants' profiles was the main draw², although I must admit the length of the post did play a factor in piquing my interest.)

Contrary to what madhack might have anticipated--and I can only hypothesize his thought process in this situation, which is why I have opted to use the word "might," out of fear of legal action being taken against myself and choosing to avoid being attributed to any definitive statement on what madhack may or may not have been thinking during the construction of his post--the post received a decidedly negative reaction. Many posters were aghast to say the least over the longevity of the post, and they voiced their dissension loudly and frequently. Some even pursued the possibility that madhack's controversial post had actually distracted others from the original topic at hand, which was the brand-new season of Big Brother, the show's twelfth edition, and turned it into a completely opposite direction that focused on madhack's post instead.

This theory, alas, does not stand up under scrutiny. It is worth noting that the title of the thread remained "Big Brother 12." It was not renamed to anything like "madhack's post," "madhack's excessively long post," "check out madhack's post," "check out madhack's excessively long post"³, "who wants to read madhack's post?", "madhack shares his thoughts on big brother 12," "madhack shares his feelings on big brother 12," "madhack shares his thoughts and feelings on the big brother 12 cast," "madhack shares his thoughts and feelings on the cast of big brother 12," "madhack shares his thoughts and feelings on the cast of the new season of big brother," "madhack shares his thoughts and feelings on the cast of the new season of big brother (12)," "madhack shares his thoughts and feelings on the cast of the new season of big brother (XII),"or one of the many possible variations on a title of this sort that references the fact that madhack made a very long post (and possibly referencing the fact that his post is centered around the latest, twelfth, season of the CBS summer reality hit Big Brother).

But while madhack opined--to which he was met with much furor--that the problem stemmed not from the sheer length of his post, but by his fellow posters' illiteracy (in layman's terms, this means that the posters are unable to read. I feel it is only responsible to mention this on the off-chance that madhack's theory is correct, and big words like "illiteracy" might put off, distract, or even confuse certain readers. And yet, I would be willing to wager that every single poster here would know what I was saying had I chosen to use a course word such as "fuck." What that says about the membership of this board I will leave up to each individual poster to interpret. However, this is not the time nor the thread to discuss and/or debate that theory.)

I find, however, that the negative response to madhack's post is much more likely to be a combination of several factors, each of which I will list and subsequently discuss below. I will only discuss each one briefly, because I do not want to waste anyone's time or waste my words. Wasting words is going to simply waste everyone's time, and as I stated in the previous sentence, I do not wish to do so. Hence why I will only be discussing each of these factors briefly, in a couple of sentences. Otherwise, it will just be a waste of everyone's time and my words, neither of which appeals to me nor do I intend to do.
1. Antipathy
2. Fatigue
3. ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder)
4. Subject matter
5. Lack of visuals

Regarding the first of these factors, which as I have listed above is antipathy. Many posters on the Internet have an aversion to lengthy posts and will avoid them altogether. While madhack should be commended for his inclusion of many paragraph breaks--a common annoyance is when posters do not break up their thoughts into a series of short, well-organized paragraphs--it is not enough to offset many posters' inherent distaste for these sort of posts.

Regarding the second of these factors, which as I have listed above is fatigue. Some posters may have attempted to begin reading the post but determined it a futile effort. Indeed, it may have initially seemed as though the post would never end, although the fact that it was posted in the first place would seem to refute that theory from its origin. I do not imagine that anyone who thought that the post might go on infinitely considered the thought for very long, or even that they seriously entertained the notion. To do so would be foolish.

Regarding the third of these factors, which as I have listed above is ADD, an acronym which stands for Attention Deficit Disorder, a disorder in which the victim⁴ suffers from a deficit of attention.⁵ People with ADD would have difficulty keeping their attention focused on a post of that length, and may have drifted in and out of it, but their thoughts may have turned to other things in the meantime because they are easily distracted. For example, in the midst of reading madhack's post, they may have thought of a movie they have recently seen or a past Big Brother contestant or how much they still miss Michael Jackson⁶ or anal sex or potato chips or babies or rope or dogs or basketball or The Great Gatsby or how they never finished reading The Great Gatsby because it was so long or glasses or rowboats or calamari or Steve Jobs or UFOs or Archie comics or picnics or the Soundgarden reunion or literally a variety of nearly endless topics. Each of those topics could feasibly subsequently lead their mind into yet another topic. For example, in the midst of thinking about Archie comics, they could think about drawing Betty and Veronica naked or casinos or Steve Carrell leaving the office or disco or public urination or Lyndon Baines Johnson or how much they still miss Michael Jackson or how much they still miss Michael Jackson.

Regarding the fourth of these factors, which as I have listed above is the subject matter of the post. As mentioned previously, many find the idea of a lengthy post about Big Brother frivolous and uncouth. However, if the post retained its length but was discussing a more "worthy" topic (keeping in mind that worthy is in the eye of the beholder), such as the BP oil spill or the economy or health care reform or the merits of the new Supreme Court justice nominee or the ongoing war in Iraq or Barack Obama's overall performance as President of the United States of America for the past year-and-one-half or Jake and Vienna breaking up or Betty and Veronica naked, they might be more inclined to read the post in question.

Regarding the fifth of these factors, which as I have listed above is the lack of visuals. Posts of this length generally require at least two to three images to break up thoughts and/or possibly catch the scrolling readers' attention. madhack could have posted pictures of the Big Brother cast members or the Big Brother logo or Julie Chen or Alison Grodner⁸ or Maria Kanellis or Maria Kanellis in a bikini or Maria Kanellis in lingerie or Maria Kanellis naked or Maria Kanellis covered in pudding or Maria Kanellis's face as she walked into the bathroom after it was used by her fellow Celebrity Apprentice 3 contestant Curtis Stone. There are literally countless categories of Maria Kanellis pictures madhack could have posted.

So in conclusion, and I know this is very much a roundabout way of saying this, my suggestion would be for posters to avoid making excessively long posts.

And make sure you PM me with the secret phrase as specified above to win your cash prize!

FOOTNOTES
¹madhackrviper, Jun 30 2010, 11:56 PM http://z7.invisionfree.com/Games_That_Suck...post&p=12361875
²See two paragraphs above. From the initial reference, not from this footnote that you are currently reading.
³This author would imagine that a topic of this sort would devolve very quickly into a series of juvenile posts centered around a debate about the length of madhack's penis, owing to the fact that "post" could possibly be used in some circles as a slang reference to the male prostate. The context, following the words "excessively long" would certainly invite the comparison, even in a joking manner.
⁴"Victim" is the proper medical term for losers who have ADD. Yeah, I called them losers. Like they'll ever read this.^9
5The loser cannot pay attention, although they may--or may not--still receive attention from others. There is in fact, however, a disorder for people who nobody cares about. It is called either "homeless" or "Scientologist."
⁶One year later, has anyone come to terms with his passing yet? I find I cannot listen to "Man in the Mirror" without breaking down in tears like a giant pussy.¹⁰¹¹¹² That song sums up Michael Jackson in so many ways.
⁷This footnote included for the sake of completeness.
⁸On second thought, please do not post any pictures of Alison Grodner.^13
9Even if someone with ADD is reading this post, I sincerely doubt that they would also read the footnotes.^14
10I also turn into a blubbering mess when I listen to "PYT (Pretty Young Thing)." That song sums up Michael Jackson in so many ways.
¹¹Oh wait, I was thinking of Chris Brown, not me.
¹²This footnote is in regards to the fact that there were two separate, consecutive footnotes here and I wanted to make sure readers were aware of this and did not seek out a footnote 1,011. However, upon further reflection, this might now seem to indicate that there might be a footnote 101,112.
¹³I think I missed footnote 7.^7
14Although if you are, I graciously apologize.
¹⁰¹¹¹²Please see footnote 12.

cardswin5

Jul 1 2010, 06:40 PM

:lol: at everyone reading Beatles long post but no one reading Madhacks.

twiggy

Jul 1 2010, 06:49 PM

Didn't read Beatles either.

madhackrviper

Jul 1 2010, 06:50 PM

twiggy

Jul 1 2010, 06:49 PM

Didn't read Beatles either.

Twiggy if you read beatles' post I give you permission to skip over every post I make for the rest of our lives.

twiggy

Jul 1 2010, 06:54 PM

madhackrviper

Jul 1 2010, 06:50 PM

twiggy

Jul 1 2010, 06:49 PM

Didn't read Beatles either.

Twiggy if you read beatles' post I give you permission to skip over every post I make for the rest of our lives.

OMG PROMISE!?!