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| [MBC] Tuesday Bloody Tuesday - April 21st, 2009 | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Apr 23 2009, 12:35 PM (223 Views) | |
| MBCKyle | Apr 23 2009, 12:35 PM Post #1 |
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The Soda Dog Refreshment Squad
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Tap ... Tap ... Tap [Before the darkness of the commercial break can even fade up we hear the steady, methodical tapping of a shoe. And when that black fades, we see that the shoe is a woman's heel tapping on concrete. The camera pans up to reveal the figure of Commissioner Becky Carlisle-Skullhead. Her arms are folded and the look of frustration on her face tells us that whoever she is waiting on is going to get an ear full.] BCS: I can't believe I'm waiting on a [MEEP]damn jobber of all people. [Carlisle-Skullhead's impatience is rewarded by the appearance of Dead Pezzy -- or DJ Pezzy and Dead Boy. DJ is holding a large boombox, which appears to be attached to a gold chain around his neck. Becky opens her mouth to speak, but at that second Dead Boy hits "play" on DJ Pezzy's boombox, and Linkin Park's "Nookie" blasts to life. DJ Pezzy immediately begins bobbing his head to the beat. The song is deafening, but even over this din we can hear another voice, off camera.] Sanders: MUSH! [...and in comes "Doomsday" Harley Sanders, sporting poofy neon green and black snowboarding gear as he rides an elliptical machine -- decked out with hot rod flames and a racing stripe -- carried on the backs of Animal Farm and the Tyler Twins. The four pack animal jobbers -- sporting "HOD TRAINEE" t-shirts -- carefully set the elliptical machine down, and Dead Boy turns the boombox off. Everyone except for Sanders -- still working the elliptical machine, and quite sweaty in all that gear -- then departs, leaving him with the Commissioner.] BCS: Where the Hell have you been Sanders? Our meeting was scheduled for an hour ago. Sanders: I was rebirthing myself. Like a PHOENIX! BCS: That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard! Sanders: I said like a PHOENIX!!! [Sanders stops elliptical-ing long enough to tear open his snowboarding jacket. Underneath is a t-shirt with a logo for MOUNTAIN DEW X-TREME: FENIX, an orange-flavored energy drink of some kind.] Sanders: I drank a bunch of it and I had to extreme-pee for twenty minutes. [If this were "Family Guy" we'd cut to a shot of him at a urinal, holding onto bars so he doesn't fly away like he's holding a wild fire hose. Alas, this is NOT "Family Guy". However, Becky Carlisle-Skullhead massages her temples because she just got that same exact mental image. Not pretty.] BCS: Listen Harley, I don't want to have to deal with this right now. But you and your little revolt have gone on long enough. It's costing the league money and as much as I hate to say this, you at the... whatever your union is called... you were important in your roles. It needs to end. Sanders: Yeah, you're right it needed to end. And we ended it! We're not going to be your whipping boys and girls anymore; we've got our OWN thing now! [Harley finally stops posing with his FENIX shirt and begins elliptical-ing again. His bleached-white mohawk droops with sweat.] Sanders: You're figuring out how powerful we actually are. It's too bad you didn't figure that out before Crimson did. BCS: Powerful... right. [The very concept befuddles...] BCS: No, listen, I'm serious. You need to get back to work and do your jobs. [Sanders smiles ear to ear. It is a truly punchable smile.] Sanders: Nah... I think we're good doin' what we're doin'. BCS: And what ARE you doing? Sanders: We're going to have this, like, club. And we're all going to fight in it. To figure out who's the best of the best, you know. Like a pyramid. A pyramid of extreme power. An extreme pyramid of ex-- BCS: An Extreme Fight Club? Sanders: Quiet! You're not supposed to talk about it! BCS: This Fight Club of yours isn't going to be you guys doing your job. And if you're not going to do said job, then I'm going to go out and hire some people who will do the job. Sanders: Pssshhh. You do what makes you happy, Commish, but whoever you bring in's just gonna join our ranks or get to' up by them! BCS: Fine. Time for me to make some calls. Don't come crying to me when some other prelim takes your job and pulls the Mountain Dew from your table. [Becky pulls out her cell phone and walks away, disappearing off camera. Sanders flexes at her as she leaves, though Becky is either oblivious or doesn't care. Fade to intro... "Sabbath Bloody Sabbath" by Bruce Dickenson with Godspeed quickly begins to play as the opening credits kick into motion. We're treated to various images of the MBC's most recent spectacular 2X4 2008...] #You've seen life through distorted eyes# #You know you had to learn# #The execution of your mind# #You really had to turn# [The first image we see is the flashback to the mid 80's with Slush wearing Addidas... little people dressed just like him... the appearance of "The Devil's Mother"... the spectacle of the 2X4 Tournament Third Round match... Kathryn Elyson and Andrea Kristian taking on Susan Davis and Tesla St. James... Mike Reznor and TENMA Akamu going toe to toe... the preliminary wrestlers swarming in...] #The race is run the book is read# #The end begins to show# [The insanity of Lights Camera Action beating the tar out of referees who think they're wrestlers... The Chromosomes appearing and taking the fight to LCA... Hands punching through a wall to grab Slush by the throat... Max Benson and Ryu Osawa taking The Omen down and both covering for the pin... Erik Grimsson and Jan Delgado getting the final word in on Holly Hotbody and Brawn Stevenson...] #The truth is out, the lies are old# #But you don’t want to know# [Stan Crawford locked into a physical showdown with Chromosome Y... Dalbello Rage using every trick in her book in order to keep Jerry Titus down... Kiora Donavon and Amber Rogers winning the Psycho Driver Tag Team titles from Leanna and Lolita Love... The Omen delivering prophecy to Slush...] #Nobody will ever let you know# #When you ask the reasons why# #They just tell you that you're on your own# #Fill your head all full of lies...# [The return of Tinkle... The Return of R.U.N.T... The Problem Solvers getting the win over Fury in a brutal Falls Count Anywhere Match... Tom Landis, One-Winged Angel, Myra Benedict, and Tara Marshall all brawling into the crowd... Jerry Titus and Stan Crawford beating one another bloody... Jerry Titus holding the SBC Title victorious... The return of the Hand of Doom...] #...YOU BASTARD!!!# [The image lingers before it gives way to the guitar solo and logo...] ______ __ ___ __ __ /_ __/_ _____ ______/ /__ ___ __/ _ )/ /__ ___ ___/ /_ __ / / / // / -_|_-< _ / _ `/ // / _ / / _ Y _ Y _ / // / /_/ \_,_/\__/___|_,_/\_,_/\_, /____/_/\___|___|_,_/\_, / /_ __/_ ____/___/___/ /__ ___ __ /___/ / / / // / -_|_-< _ / _ `/ // / /_/ \_,_/\__/___|_,_/\_,_/\_, / /___/ D E S O L A T E , E X I L E D A N D D E S P E R A T E T O U R A p r i l 2 1 s t , 2 0 0 9 U . S . B a n k A r e n a C i n c i n n a t i , O h i o [The logo fades and we are shown the interior of the U.S. Bank Arena. Despite these frightening economic times, people have come out in droves and paid their hard earned money to see the MBC. But the MBC is the blue collar fed if you think about it. Okay, it's more the bastard red headed step child. Suffice it to say, we don't charge an arm and a leg for tickets. Just for the beer!] Skullhead: Welcome everyone to Cincinnati, Ohio! Home of the Bengals, the Reds and tonight, The Mighty Bastard Championship! [The camera pan around to take in the crowd but they finally end up on our ringside commentary crew. First up at the table, he sits at the right. He is Robert Harrison-Skoehl, otherwise known as Skullhead.] Skullhead: And as we kick off the "Desolate, Exiled and Desperate" Tour, you're going to get an extremely packed show! Pinhead: At least we can say, that while we may be trying to save money, we don't skimp on the action. [In the center is Ian McAllister, known at book readings and in quilting circles as Pinhead.] Skullhead: To be honest, top to bottom it’s one of the best cards I've seen. Pinhead: Who needs the prelims? Slush: We do! For we need stepping stones! [And yes, to the left is Anthony Waynewright Danza III. But on things other than legal documents, he signs the name "Slush".] Slush: The world is metaphorically short. And it needs ice cream from the top freezer damnit. Tinkle: MEEP! [And then there's the hamster.] Pinhead: Did you enjoy your suspension Slush? Slush: Sure! Three months vacation! Pinhead: But unpaid. Slush: I didn't get paid? Pinhead: That's what "suspended without pay" means Slush. Slush: [MEEP]damnit! What a [MEEP]ing scam! Pinhead: You're lucky you didn't get worse. Skullhead: Or fired. Slush: I sell too many T-shirts. I am untouchable. Pinhead: I see the bruises Taylor made on your neck healed nicely. Slush: I may have delicate skin, but I have the constitution of a founding father. Tinkle: MEEP! Skullhead: Tonight on the show we have outstanding action from our ladies as Dalbello Rage takes on "Superfly" Susan Davis. Pinhead: Taylor MacKenzie defends the Grandmaster Typo Championship against Jan Delgado. Slush: My man... wait... I say that out of habit. Pinhead: You need to fix that. Slush: My bitch! Pinhead: Oh lord, shoot me now. Skullhead: The duo of Erik Grimsson and Mike Reznor team up to challenge for the Team Bastard Championships, held by The Problem Solvers. Pinhead: Now members of the Hand of Doom. Skullhead: And speaking of the Hand of Doom, in our main event, the leaders of the three dominate factions of the MBC will face off in triple threat action. Crimson, Vengeance and the One-Winged Angel will go at it. Pinhead: That'll be nuts. Slush: My son will overcome! Pinhead: Even though the Omen's prophecy says he'll be your downfall? Slush: I know no such prophecy. Pinhead: Right. Despite the fact that all his other prophecies came true. Slush: Whatever! Tinkle: MEEP! [Whistling opens the scene as we change from the arena proper to the inner reaches. Gliding down the hall, dressed in her red boots, red knee pads, red leather hot pants and red leather top is the ever popular and ever ahem... "perky" "Superfly" Susan Davis. She's got extra spring in her step if you couldn't tell. As she whistles a catchy tune, she catches a few eyes of the men she passes. She smiles as she knows that they're staring. And really she doesn't mind. Still, she carries on walking around the back and seemingly looking for something or someone. After a few turns she stumbles upon the medical station where "Heavy Metal Hero" Erik Grimsson is sitting on a table as one of the MBC's doctors is telling him something.] Doctor: ...your knee. I don't know how long... SSD: Heya Erik! [The doctor shoots Susan a dirty look but the look from Erik tells the doc that he had better bite his tongue. The doctor merely shakes his head and goes to the other side of the room.] SSD: Oh sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt anything. [Erik turns his attention to Susan and smiles. Wearing a pair of ripped white jeans with iron cross designs printed on them, a black "Slayer- Root of all Evil" longsleeve t-shirt, and black Nike amateur wrestling shoes, Erik begins fastening his knee brace onto his left knee.] Erik: No, you're cool. Just going through this silly checkup that Tes insisted I have on my knee. But everything is good. SSD: That's awesome! [Susan playfully punches Erik in the arms a few times.] SSD: I'm excited! You and me fighting on the same night! Me facing off against Dalbello and you getting a tag title shot! Should be great! You and me partner! High five! [Susan, over excited, throws up a hand waiting to be tagged. Erik chuckles a bit and gives Susan a "tag".] Erik: Yeah, me and Rez will have our hands full, that's for sure. And I'm totally hoping I'm off of Holly's radar now. SSD: No need to worry about here. You've got me backing you up. I'll totally mop the floor with her if she rears her head again. [Erik slightly shakes his head.] Erik: Well, let's just hope nothing happens. I really don't want to deal with her anymore. SSD: I can handle her. You've got nothing to worry about Erik. [Susan winks and flexes her arm.] SSD: Not with me around. Just you watch, after I finish putting down Dalbello Rage, no one is going to want to mess with me. [Erik laughs a bit, but it's clear he's not convinced in Susan's ability to help him.] Erik: Well...if you say so. [Susan's smile fades, clearly seeing the lack of confidence.] SSD: I'll have you know that I am very capable of helping you out. I am a former World Women's Champion you know. Plus I've been training with Tes and Nina. I've come a long way. [Erik puts a hand up and nods his head.] Erik: Look, I totally didn't mean to upset you. And I know you'd do anything to help me, but I just can't see you being able to handle this. SSD: You sound just like everybody else. I'm trying real hard here. [Frustrated, she crosses her arms, trying not to show too much of her anger.] SSD: I bet you I could surprise you. [Erik shrugs, turning around. The camera pans over to follow his movements taking Susan out of the frame.] Erik: Well, if so, I'm totally fine with that. I just need some convincing is all. Or something like that. [Susan doesn't respond. In the silence, Erik turns back to find that not only has Susan left, but another woman has replaced her presence.] Kathryn Elyson: Ah dear Susan left in a bit of a huff. Wasn't pleased in the slightest. [A perplexed look forms on Erik's face.] Erik: Uh...can I help you? KE: Oh, I just wanted to see what Andrea was so obsessed with. And to see what kept my dear Susan from returning to me. Seems she's taken quite a shining to you. [Kathryn, dressed head to toe in blood red leather and with her hair pulled back into a tight braid, steps closer to Erik and reaches out to run a finger down his arm.] KE: Quite the good taste they have... though I am afraid, that you would not suit my needs. A shame. [Erik backs up a bit, clearly uncomfortable.] Erik: What are you talking about? And was she mad? [Kathryn gives Erik a longer look, like sizing up a piece of meat.] KE: You may end up severing the ties yourself. Alas, I feel I should help things along. [Kathryn grins and blows Erik a kiss before departing. Thinking things over a minute, Erik suddenly slides off the doctor’s table and limps after her.] Erik: Hey, wait a minute. What are you talking about? [Fade.] Skullhead: Our first contest of the evening should be a good one. Dalbello Rage takes on "Superfly" Susan Davis. Pinhead: Dalbello is one of the best technical wrestlers in the business today. And Susan Davis may just be one of the best high flyers. Slush: You’re overlooking the main thing they have in common. Pinhead: What's that? Slush: They've got great butts. Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: Crawlspace? What? Pinhead: You're only diminishing them and their true talents. They are more than just a part of their body. Slush: My interests end there though. Skullhead: And you'd likely be one of the few. This is going to be a highly interesting match. Tinkle: MEEP! ______________________________________________________ /_ __/ __ )_ __/ / / / __ |/ / DALBELLO RAGE versus / / / /_/ // / "SUPERFLY" SUSAN DAVIS /_/ /_____//_/ |____________________________________Writer: Kyle B. Lee [It was a battle of the beauties and definitely one for the ages. "Superfly" Susan Davis carried the vast majority of the fan support and to a degree, she needed it, as she was still somewhat frustrated with other certain friend's lack of confidence in her. When Dalbello arrived, she was heavily booed though her posterior continued to garner cult like status. Her air of confidence was warranted and in the wrestling of the match, it was totally justified. Dalbello dominated through most facets of the match, however, Susan had clearly done her homework. With an advantage of speed, Susan changed direction often which proved to be a detriment to Rage due to Dalbello's trick knee. Susan took to the air often but Dalbello waited patiently, waiting for Davis to fall into a pattern. After momentum shifted multiple times, it was Susan who put Dalbello down to the mat. Susan climbed to the top rope in order to execute the Power Trip Supefly but when she came off for the move, Rage rolled out of the way. Susan managed to land on her feet. Rage ran up behind her to try for a suplex but Susan flipped over and tried one herself. However, Rage countered and managed to maneuver into the CTC. After dropping to the mat, Susan struggled to get to the ropes but Rage's grip was too tight. And soon enough, Susan tapped out.] RING ANNOUNCER: The winner of this match by submission... DALBELLO RAGE!!! Skullhead: Extremely solid victory by Dalbello Rage there. But I have to give Susan credit. She's improving with every match. Pinhead: I have no doubt that she was determined to prove Erik Grimsson wrong. Skullhead: Unfortunately for her she couldn't pull out the win there. Pinhead: And you've got to know that Nina Grimsson is watching somewhere. Susan is her friend and of course, Dalbello Rage is very much her enemy. Slush: There's a shocker. The Mockingbird has an enemy. Who knew that such an innocent looking bird was actually a bird of prey. Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: No, I don't think a mockingbird can swoop down and grab you with its claws. Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: Nina on the other hand... I don't think she can fly. Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: Do rocket packs really enter into the equation here? Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: That's a good point. I didn't think of that. Skullhead: ... Pinhead: ... Slush: What? [Fade to one of the arena's luxury suites. Crimson, dressed in a blood red shirt, black tie, and black slacks, sits at a makeshift work desk, typing away on his laptop. His sleeves are rolled up and his tie is loose; he is a man that's been working hard for awhile. His work is interrupted when Kathryn Elyson silently enters the room. She's dressed head to toe in leather, and somehow as she moves, there is only silence. Still, Crimson is well aware of her presence. Crimson finally acknowledges her presence with a brief glance.] Crimson: Kathryn, help you with something? I'm a little busy here. [Kathryn approaches and sits on the edge of Crimson's desk.] KE: I don't intend to keep you long. I only wish to make a request. Something easily within your power. [Crimson finally gives Kathryn his full attention and leans back in his chair. He assesses her for a moment, poker-faced, and then nods once.] Crimson: All right. Let's hear it... but be fast. [Kathryn smiles and cocks her head as she begins to speak her mind.] KE: As you know, I've been seeking to pull a certain former protégé of mine under my wing once again. And she has been... resistant. [Kathryn turns to meet Crimson's glare full on.] KE: But I believe her to be... attached to a certain pile of meat. [The grin becomes oh so much more sinister.] KE: I think now would be a good time for make an example. [A pause] KE: For the betterment of the Hand of Doom of course. [Crimson nods in agreement, clearly sarcastic.] Crimson: Of course. [A pause while he seems to consider.] Crimson: How important is this to you, Kathryn? KE: Extremely. [Kathryn extends her leather clad hand and flexes, enjoying the feel.] KE: It's a matter of principle. I don't like to be defied by underlings. Crimson: Erik Grimmson... [Crimson goes quiet as he rolls the name around in his brain, then finally nods.] Crimson: All right. I'll see that he's taken care of. In fact, I'll see that he's destroyed. [Crimson gestures to her with a fake smile.] Crimson: In the interests of solidarity. KE: Trust me my dear. This will make things _very_ solid. [Kathryn stands and quickly shifts weight from one him to another, clearly to garner interest. Crimson remains unimpressed.] Crimson: That isn't how we do things here. This... [Crimson gestures to the phone.] is. [Crimson then picks up the phone and dials a quick number. After a moment he speaks.] Crimson: Mr. Halliburton. Yes, hello, a pleasure as always. Can I see you in my office? [Crimson hangs up.] Crimson: Done. [Kathryn, obviously pleased with what Crimson has in mind, smiles coyly as she waits. Soon enough, there's a loud THUD at the door, and a rather small, rather frightened voice announces, "Mr. Crimson, sir? You have guests."] Crimson: Send them in. [Opening the door reveals a thoroughly intimidated bellhop, standing in front of Dan Muldoon and Pete Davidson. And standing behind them. Mr. H: Mr. Crimson... Apologies for the delay. We couldn't find the room, and needed to talk things over with... [He gestures to the bellhop] Bellhop: Um... Bill, sir. Mr. H: Yes. Our good friend Bill [to Bill] You can run along now. Bellhop: Yes sir. [If he walked away any faster you'd expect a smoke trail. Mister Haliburton and the Problem Solvers enter the suite.] Mr. H: How can we help our fellow members of the Hand of Doom? Crimson: Our associate Kathryn has a request, and I thought... who better to get the ball rolling then our very own problem solvers? [Crimson exchanges a brief look with Kathryn, more a signal to the Problem Solvers than her.] Crimson: It's in the best interests of the Hand of Doom if Erik Grimmson has a very hard time tonight. Naturally I want you to win, but I'd like you to go that extra mile with him. I'll be taking care of him after tonight, but for now... [Crimson spreads his hands wide.] Crimson: I want to see what you two can do. Mr. H: Well then... I think the only question my men and I have for you is... [Looks over at Dan Muldoon and Pete Davidson, who both nod] ... Would you like Mr. Grimsson broken... or just bent? Crimson: [shaking his head] Not broken, just bent. I'll want some time to work him over. He's no good to me if he's too injured to wrestle. [Crimson looks at Kathryn.] Crimson: Satisfactory? KE: Extremely. This will do quite nicely. [Kathryn stands and bows to Crimson and then to Mr. Haliburton.] KE: A pleasure as always gentlemen. [Crimson turns back to his work with a wave of dismissal to them all.] Crimson: Thank you for your time, Mr. Halliburton. [Mister Haliburton stands up, and the Problem Solvers move behind him] Mr. H: A pleasure as always, Ms. Elyson. Crimson. As for Mr. Grimsson... he will be dealt with. [Mr. Haliburton nods] Good day to you both. [Dan Muldoon opens the door as Mr. Haliburton and the Problem Solvers exit the hotel room. Cut back to the arena,] Skullhead: And things just seem to have gotten bad for Erik Grimsson. Pinhead: Kathryn Elyson seems hell bent on bringing Susan Davis back under her wing. And she looks willing to do anything to get that. Skullhead: With Kathryn having the resources of the Hand of Doom at her disposal, she's so much more dangerous now. Slush: I wonder if the H.O.D. has discounts to leather stores. Pinhead: Why's that? Slush: The TMK lady likes her leather. I bet she knows how to skin a mean cow. Pinhead: Such a weird image. Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: I don't think there's much of a market for hamster leather. [We cut to the back, namely Becky Carlisle-Skullhead’s office. The MBC head honcho is sitting behind a stack of papers, shielding her from the beaming smile of a suit-clad Max Benson. Byers peers around the mountain of paper to look at the "Master of Gimmicks."] BCS: Max, what is this supposed to be? MB: It’s a legal threat. I mean a cease-and-desist order. BCS: You’re a lawyer now? MB: That’s right! "Justice for All" Max Benson, attorney at law! [Max mugs for the camera.] BCS: Haven’t you already done that? I’m sure I’ve seen you in that suit before. MB: No way, that was when I was a businessman. BCS: They seem kind of similar to me. MB: They’re totally different, okay! [Benson raises his voice a little for the last line, seeming genuinely agitated. Becky just raises an eyebrow and starts shuffling through the papers.] BCS: So what is it you want me to cease and desist. MB: Not giving me a title shot. BCS: I don’t think that’s how... MB: Come on, Becks - can I call you Becks? Thanks Becks. Legally, I won the Grandmaster Typo Championship contender’s match. I pinned one of my opponent’s shoulders to the mat for three seconds, therefore I won and became #1 contender. That freeloader Osawa leeching off my hard work doesn’t change that. But it’s been four hastily summarized months and I still have not received my shot. In fact, I’m now being told that Brianna Landis has been booked for a title match and I haven’t? BCS: Brianna is getting the title match on an all-woman’s supercard. You wouldn’t exactly fit in. MB: That’s gender discrimination, ma’am. [Carlisle-Skullhead sighs and rubs her temples in frustration.] BCS: Okay, first of all, most of these "legal papers" are just comics you printed off from the internet. MB: There are some flyers in there as well. Better look carefully, you coud be missing some great details. BCS: And secondly, you did win yourself a title shot... but so did Ryu Osawa. Both of you can’t face Taylor at once. It would be unfair. MB: I should get the shot. Ryu’s already lost to Taylor, whereas me against her is a completely new matchup. Plus under rule 37b, article F of the official MBC rulebook... BCS: Look, why don’t you just go talk to Ryu and work out which one of you is going to get the title shot first? MB: But why talk when I can threaten legal action? [Becky gets up and starts bodily pulling Max out of her office. He’s not that hard to pull.] BCS: Just talk to Ryu. And play nice. [Becky shoves Benson out the door and closes it. She holds her head, obviously tired of all the lunatics she has to deal with.] BCS: And you get out too. [The cameraman doesn’t need to be told twice.] Skullhead: As if Becky didn't have enough to deal with... Pinhead: Looks like she's going to make Benson and Osawa settle things on their own. Skullhead: Seems fair. It'll take some pressure off of Taylor MacKenzie. Slush: Taylor can take a double-team like nobody's business! Pinhead: ... Skullhead: ... Tinkle: ... Slush: What? Pinhead: I'm sure Taylor COULD handle two opponents at once but in the interests of fairness to all parties, letting them figure it out may be a good solution. Skullhead: That is... if they can figure out a good solution. Slush: Doubt it! Skullhead: In the meantime, Taylor defends her Grandmaster Typo Championship tonight against this woman, Jan Delgado. [The scene opens backstage, the camera landing on Jan Delgado. The young woman is wearing a black, cropped, tank top and jeans, her long, black hair falling down her back. She completes the look with sandals, a purse over her shoulder. She rounds a corner and stops dead in her tracks at her dressing room, where her cousin, Holly Hotbody, stands, blocking the door.] [Holly's clad in a red teddy, matching garter, and heels, a tiara perched atop her head. Why exactly? 'Cause that's how she rolls. Holly's arms are folded across her chest, a smirk on her face. Immediately, Jan rolls her eyes and lets out a weary sigh.] Jan: Look, I'm not in the mood for a fight. Holly: That's good, because neither am I. [Jan flashes her a wary look.] Holly: I actually came by to congratulate you on your win at 2x4. It was _so_ well deserved. [That last bit has just enough sarcasm to make Jan want to gag.] Holly: I also wanted to wish you good luck tonight, because you're really going to need it. I mean, you against Taylor Mackenzie? How much more of a mismatch can that be? I mean, she's tough, rugged, capable...and you, well, you're not quite any of those things. [Jan rolls her eyes again.] Holly: Since she's been here, Taylor's beaten some pretty top-shelf competition and won one of the MBC's most prestigious titles. On the other hand, since you've been here, you've choked in every match you've had, except for a lucky win at 2x4. I think it's pretty clear what tonight's outcome will most likely be, don't you? [Holly grins.] Holly: Maybe you should just get out now, while the getting's good. Jan: Whatever. I know what you're trying to do, Holly. You're trying to get into my head and psych me out. [Holly laughs, waving her hand.] Holly: Oh, honey, I already did that months ago. I just wanted to offer some friendly advice. I just hope you take it. Because it would be a real drag to see your big win ruined by getting humiliated and dominated by Taylor tonight. [Holly smiles brightly.] Holly: Ta. [Holly waves and saunters off as Jan watches, an unsure frown on her face.] Jan: [Meep]. [Fade.] Slush: Times are tough. And with that, you need tough love. Pinhead: I don't think Holly has any love for her cousin, tough or otherwise. There's just spite. Slush: I don't see how you can say that. Holly is a good natured soul. She has love for everybody. I mean, just look at her. She's so warm and embracing. She's got a massive heart in that chest of hers. Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: Those too. Pinhead: Right. Slush: And left. Skullhead: Jan Delgado is an extremely talented individual. But so is Taylor. This will be a very good test for the both of them, [Fade in on a rather interesting area, namely the Cathouse at the Cincinnati Zoo. Here we find a zookeeper currently meeting with MBC's Grandmaster Typo Champion, Taylor MacKenzie. Nearby is a box with a blue blanket draped over it.] Taylor: Thanks for taking time out to meet with me. Zookeeper: Actually, we should be thanking you, Ms. MacKenzie. Given the donation you made, we had to extend the invite! [He gestures to a bench for them to sit, then carefully lifts up the box and pulls back the blanket. As for what's in the box? Baby Caracals...these lil' fellas. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVJWKHLvdS0 I can hear your hearts melting in the back already...don't try to deny it.] Zookeeper: I know you've handled wild cats before, Ms. MacKenzie, but I will warn you that they're shy -- even during feeding ti-- [But a smiling Taylor is already bottle feeding one of the babies, who is happily purring up a storm. She looks up at the zookeeper and shrugs.] Taylor: Cats like me. Again, thanks for letting me do this. [She gently lifts up another baby caracal and begins feeding her.] Just needed a chance to put things all in perspective. With the MBC now on the road, I'm not going to get many opportunities to stand still. [Taylor's smile widens at the sound of the caracals' mewing.] Taylor: Jan Delgado for now. Max Benson or Ryu Osawa later on down the line. And Brianna... [A brief grimace of disgust crosses the GMT Champ's face before she softly strokes the tops to the kittens' plush heads with a finger. The smile pops back up on her face.] Taylor: ...but right now, this is my time. [Fade out on the sound of purring.] ______________________________________________________ /_ __/ __ )_ __/ GRANDMASTER TYPO CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH / / / __ |/ / TAYLOR MACKENZIE © versus / / / /_/ // / JAN DELGADO /_/ /_____//_/ |____________________________________Writer: Kyle B. Lee [Still excited from the previous match, the wrestling starved masses of Cincinnati were ready for the next match. When Jan Delgado popped through the entrance, it may have been the largest ovation she had ever heard in her short MBC career. Though taken a bit back by it, she smiled and kept making her way to the ring. This would be the first real test of the post Holly era and she was anxious for a new start. Taylor MacKenzie arrived with the Grandmaster Typo slung over her shoulder and a huge grin on her face. Oh how they loved Taylor in Ohio. Just seemed right for them to do so you know?] Slush: Damn right they'd better like her! [And of course, once Taylor was in the ring, she shot Slush the most vile look you can imagine. It was an icy glare of death so strong and it could stop your very heart. And with that image in mind, multiply it by ten. Then you may be halfway there. Delgado glanced between the two and much like everyone who saw that look, Jan wished to never be in someone's cross hairs that bad. The foundation of tension laid down, the match began proper with Delgado and MacKenzie going through multiple exchanges to feel each other out. Both kept to the mat and only took small risks to see what worked well against each other. At various times while they circled up, both Taylor and Jan would look up the aisle to make sure that no one decided to make an appearance. The threat of Brianna Landis and Holly Hotbody always loomed however neither showed and the match ran its full course without incident. Despite gaining a second wind with some impressive speed, Jan Deglado fell to Taylor's Basic Instinct. Taylor took the pinfall to retain the belt. In the process, Jan also earned Taylor's respect and a hug and handshake for a match well fought.] RING ANNOUNCER: The winner of this match by pinfall and STILL Grandmaster Typo Champion.... TAYLOR MACKENZIE!!! Slush: THAT'S what I'm talking about! Pinhead: You had nothing to do with that. Slush: Who says that I did? Pinhead: You were about too. Slush: While that may be true, it doesn't change the fact that I inspired her to victory. Skullhead: Taylor very much won that match on her won and a more confident Jan Delgado earned some quality experience. She's going to have a long and prosperous career in front of her. Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: What do you mean you like her verve? What the hell is verve? [Fade to the insides of an office. Along the walls there are various posters of local Cincinnati sports legends. And in the middle of this office is a large dry erase board, standing ominously with a large drawing of the United States of America upon it. Most states are as white as the board, but there are a few such as Oklahoma and most importantly Texas that are colored red. There are a few marked blue: Ohio, Missouri, Michigan and Colorado.] Off Camera Voice: I understand that it’s your territory and the last thing I want to do is infringe upon that. [A pause.] Off Camera Voice: Yes, it's only for one night. [Another pause.] Off Camera Voice: No... I can't promise that Vengeance isn't going to do anything to jeopardize your standing in the Phoenix community. [A sigh as the source of the off camera voice steps into view. It is none other than the President, Founder and Owner of the MBC: "The Doomsayer" Kyle Lee.] KL: No, I understand. I've heard that same exact thing elsewhere. [A pause as Lee looks dejected.] KL: Yeah, next time we're up there, we'll get a round of golf in. Talk to you later. [Lee closes his cell phone and walks to the board. He picks up a red marker and carefully fills in "Arizona" to match "Texas" and "Oklahoma". Looking closer at the board, one can see that there are some very large red dots all along the west coast.] KL: Where in the hell am I going to have this pay per view? [As Lee looks on at his board, despondent over where SplatterNad will be held, another off camera voice speaks.] Voice: The place you'll end up going with will not be to your liking. It will be the last place on Earth you wanted to go. [Lee turns around to see The Omen standing in the doorway.] KL: Is that another one of your so called "prophecies"? Omen: Yes. KL: Well I can tell you that if it’s not in Dallas, I already don't like where it’s going to be. Omen: Semantics. KL: Right. Listen, if you're here to talk about a shot at the Grandmaster Typo Title, the Commissioner's office is down the hall. Omen: No, it's not that. I want to talk to you about the ape that sits ringside. KL: Slush. Omen: Yes. [Lee places the marker back on the board and walks behind his desk. He plops down in his chair and gives The Omen a good long look.] KL: I already told Taylor that she gets to pick his punishment. I can't fire him but I can make him miserable. Omen: I know that and I am pleased that you've selected that. However, there is a matter of what he did to me at 2X4. He cost me the match... among other things. KL: And just what is it that makes you hate him so much? Omen: I'd prefer not to go into it. KL: Right. Well... "D"... can I call you "D"? What he did wasn't fair to you. But I can't hand to you the keys to the kingdom like I did with Taylor. However, if you think you can come up with a suitable punishment, I'll listen to it. And if I think it suits the crime, then we'll go with it. Omen: Acceptable. KL: Good. But of course, in the mean time, feel free to torment him with your prophecies. However... Omen: Yes? KL: The next time that you predict "our home" going up in flames, you had damn well better tell me about it as soon as possible. Omen: Consider it done. [With that the Omen, turns and walks out the door. Lee looks on and shakes his head before pulling out his cell phone and dialing.] KL: Hey there Jim. How are things in San Diego? [Pause] KL: Good. Listen, I need to talk to you about finding a place for my pay per view in July. [Fade out.] Skullhead: And it appears that the MBC has yet to find a venue for SplatterNad, all thanks to Vengeance. Slush: Where the hell does the Omen get off? I did nothing to him! Pinhead: You hit him with a pair of crutches and cost him a very important match at 2X4. Slush: I sneezed. Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: See? The hamster backs me up! Pinhead: The hamster wasn't even there. Skullhead: Are you afraid about the Omen's prophecy that "your son will be your downfall"? Slush: I don't buy into his prophecy crap. Pinhead: Oh, good, it's time to review. Skullhead: First, the Omen stated that "the fires of hate will burn you out of your home." Pinhead: And Vengeance's dumbass Boflex burst into flames and got us kicked out of Dallas. Skullhead: Secondly, The Omen stated that "In one month, you will find yourself silent and unable to speak in the way you are accustomed." Pinhead: To which, you were suspended. And you couldn't run your mouth on the Online Reports. Skullhead: Third, the Omen stated that "In two months, you'll start to wonder where your future will take you. Texas will no longer have you and it'd be amazing if any other state wanted to have you. And the ones who do, you'll wear out your welcome there as well." Pinhead: And well know that we got kicked out of Texas and a few states aren't touching the MBC with a ten foot pole. Slush: I don't see how this pertains to me. Pinhead: It is ALL about you Slush. Slush: I'm glad you've finally realized that Pinhead. Pinhead: I should strangle you! Skullhead: Alas, you are not his son. And The Omen has foretold that Slush's son will be his downfall. Pinhead: I don't know what you're going to do that causes The One-Winged Angel to bring you down but oh boy, I am so going to love it. Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: Whatever! There is no hamster god. Pinhead: Can we move on? Slush: I hope you guys don’t mind but I’ve worked out a presser for our bit. Skullhead: We don’t do bits. Pinhead: Hold on. If it’s a bit and a press release. It’s got to be Vengeance. Skullhead: This is an excellent time for me to go take a dump. |
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Everything I learned about soccer, I learned from Dro. You are to refer to Katie as "The Duchess of Der Basterdmusen" as of June 2014. She'll get angry if you don't. You've been warned. | |
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| MBCKyle | Apr 23 2009, 12:36 PM Post #2 |
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The Soda Dog Refreshment Squad
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[Scene opens to the MBC locker room. An official Industry of Hate podium is in front of the lockers. Several wrestlers are trying to change. The blur or blue dot will have a workout tonight. Georgia Church appears to be what might be called ‘dancing’ in the background. No proper description will work.] [There are a few reporters and Twitter jockeys around. A lanky tumbleweed seems to be in a attendance. Vengeance is complete NASCAR inspired pope hat and robe. Buffalo Wild Wings is prominent on the chest with many other sponsors and corporate logos (Dow Chemicals, Marlboro Cigarettes, General Motors, Boflex and OctoMom Inc. Other IoH members are seen around] Vengeance: Good evening everyone. I know there are many questions regarding the recent Industry of Hate happy hour fiasco. However, I want to first discuss and apologize for some recent events that have been brought to my attention. “The Happysayer” Brandon Elyson: This apology is brought to you by the fine folks at Buffalo Wild Wings. Official wings of HATE. Vengeance: I know how the entire wrestling community has been affected by these unfortunate circumstances. The MBC, which has been a rock among soft baby’s heads, in the wrestling community is once again thrust into chaos. I cannot help but feel that this is somehow my fault. My BFF Drew Rosenhaus tells me, “Everyone that HATES you knows you and that equals money.... Happysayer: Money: the official currency of HATE. Vengeance: This isn’t Sonic the Hedgehog. We don’t use rings! Now time to get to the pudding. I don’t want to make this any longer than it needs to be. I’m sorry the Industry of HATE did not have a larger presence at the 2x4 pay per view. Everyone who purchased that wrestling extravaganza only saw my number one lackey get beat like Stephen Hawking on American Idol. With this utter humiliation I am proud to announce that Absence is being demoted to my number two lackey. Congratulations to my new number one… HAPPYSAYER. Happysayer: Good to be here. You gotta be here. Buffalo Wild Wings. Vengeance: We only got paid for the first spot. You don’t have to stretch it. Happysayer: What? Only one spot? FINE. The rest of this presser is now brought to you by Wingstop. The NEW official wings of HATE. Vengeance: Now are they left wing or right wing? [Crickets chirping. What appears to be the cousin of the tumbleweed who perished in the great flames of 2x4 rolls by.] Vengeance: What? No political humor? Ok. Moving on. I’m sorry. Random voice: What about when you put piranha in the Riverwalk? Vengeance: Oh yea, that was awesome. Did you hear how we hijacked a barge and put a hemi in it? Got it to 10mph! Or knots. I don’t know how that works. Familiar voice: That’s the first question? Does anyone remember how he burned down a portion of the city? And got the MBC kicked out of TEXAS. Texas is [meep]ing huge! What the hell do you have to say about that? Vengeance: I don’t follow. Kicked out of where? Familiar voice: Are you [meep]ing retarded? Wait, I know the answer to that. Yes. Vengeance: Do I know you? Familiar voice: I’m freaking James "DPW" Hardi. 3 time MBC champion. We’ve had like 40 matches together. You were in my wedding. You weren’t invited. Vengeance: Did we go to high school or something? Hardi: Does it need to be on some kind of commemorative plate for you to remember? Vengeance: Good idea! Only way I know that Elvis and Dale Earnhart are dead. Number two, make note: commemorative plate note system. Ravage: I sound like a piece of crap when you call me number two. Hardi: You’re all number twos! Vengeance: Mr... uhm,? What was your name again? Hardi: James. Hardi. The Disgruntled Postal Worker. I pushed you in front of a wild train once. Is that why your brain functions like it’s full of sand? Happysayer: Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave if you’re going to be a distraction. Hardi: Don’t mess with me. I’m a board member. Hmm.. in fact.. security! [Security rushes in and grabs the IoH. Including the podium and hauls it out of the room] Vengeance: ATTICA!! ATTICA!! Happysayer: THIS SECURITY ACTION IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WINGSTOP. MOST CURRENT WINGS OF HATE!!! [Fade back to the arena.] Pinhead: The hell.... was that? Skullhead: Like always, Vengeance is as oblivious as the void of space. Slush: Man... I could use some wings... Pinhead: Again with the hunger... Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: Are there chickens that small? Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: Wow, that sounds downright pornographic. Pinhead: I'm so glad we're only hearing one half of these conversations. Skullhead: The conversation I want to hear is Vengeance admitting responsibility for the MBC getting kicked out of so many places. Pinhead: I don't see that coming anytime soon. Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: "Tinkle Tackles Taiwan"? [Cut to backstage where Billy "Scud" McKenzie is walking down the hall, mic in hand... likely just in case the unexpected happens. Like some wrestler running up to him wanting to have interview time. Which, naturally, happens... as "The American Idol" Amber Rogers comes running up to Scud. Amber wears a red halter top and a pair of blue jeans, a big smile on her face as is almost always the case.] AR: Ryan! So glad I found you! BSM: Oh, Amber Rogers... well, I suppose you want to talk? AR: Of _course_ I want to talk! I just have to tell you how excited I am about how things have been going here... yet another great performance at 2x4! What did you think about it? BSM: Well... you did come out a winner along with... AR: [interrupting] Not only did I come out a winner with my latest hit song, but I came out a winner against Louie and her overprotective sister! I led my team to victory and proved that, when I'm not conned out of my spot on a team by somebody like Louie, I don't disappoint my team... unlike Louie did, as you saw with your own two eyes! BSM: Actually, I'm not sure that Leanna feels that way about Lolita. AR: [patting Scud on the shoulder] Yes, I know, Ryan... you gotta believe sisters are doing it for themselves, standing on their own two feet... but it wasn't good enough to overcome my team! BSM: Well, your partner Kiora Donovan... you do realize she... AR: [interrupting] Of course she's grateful for having a partner who she could count on and wouldn't desert her, unlike how Louie tried to make things look when my tournament team was eliminated all because of her! But I can promise my partner, just like I can promise my fans, that I will _never_ disappoint her! BSM: But what about the Hand of Doom... AR: [now looks upset] Ryan! How _dare_ you suggest my career is doomed?! Especially when it's just begin to blossom and things are definitely looking up with no end in sight! [A frustrated sigh.] I'm not talking to you any more... I'd rather go talk to somebody who is truly excited for me! [She walks off and you can hear her off camera, as if talking to one of the backstage folks.] AR: HI! So what did you think about my performance at 2x4? [Scud just shakes his head.] BSM: Does she even know what she may have gotten herself into? [Fade out.] Skullhead: It’s a good question. Does Amber even realize the danger she is in? Slush: Only the danger of being held back! Pinhead: The Hand of Doom has no interest in her singing career I'm sure. Slush: They want to leech off of her like anybody else would. Pinhead: I seriously doubt that. Skullhead: If she remains oblivious to it then the Hand of Doom may very well take advantage of that. It's how they operate. Pinhead: It's how a lot of people operate around here. Skullhead: And speaking of how things operate... [We get a voiceover first: "The following is not a paid announcement... it was put on this show because we demanded it and you will listen!" Fade in: Seated behind a desk is Bartholomew "Barth" Prevert, dressed in a suit and tie. Standing behind him, also in a suit and tie and arms folded, is Les Ewich. The two referees... well, at least we think they may still be employed as referees... are doing their best to look distinguished, except for those sly smirks that appear on both of their faces.] BP: There were those who questioned what in the world we were thinking when we took it upon ourselves to put Lights, Camera, Action into their proper places and learn to respect the men who have, for too long, been the subject of abuse. And while we did our best to make our point known at 2x4, it was quite apparent that many in the MBC continue to thumb their noses at the men who are just doing their jobs in trying to call things down the middle and make sure others mind their own business. But what happened to Lights, Camera, Action, is not the end of what my fellow referee and I seek. My fellow referee will now read a prepared statement. [Les pulls out a folded piece of paper from his suit pocket and clears his throat before he begins.] LE: Allow me to introduce myself... my name is Wile E. Coyote... genius. BP: What in the hell... LE: Wait a minute... this is my collection of Great Quotes from Warner Brothers Shorts... BP: What are you talking about? LE: Don't tell me you wrote on the back of my list I was putting together... BP: Well, I needed scratch paper. [Les flips the paper over and scans it.] LE: All right, here we go... [He clears his throat again.] LE: Based on the actions of a number of MBC wrestlers who have made it a point to thumb their noses at the referees who have worked tirelessly to ensure their authority is respected, ranging from those interfering in matches to those providing distractions to those who jump wrestlers after matches are over to those who want to find ways to undermine the very commissioner of MBC, we are hereby forming the Referees Union Taking Action Before Everybody Gets Ahead. [Helpful letters then appear on the screen: RUTABEGA.] LE: It is not the intention of this union to seek higher compensation of wages, or extended benefits, or 401K plans or more paid vacations. It is the intention of the union to seek methods and provisions that allow referees to do more than just shout repeated reprimands and warnings at wrestlers who choose to pay no attention, and to let it be known that the entire MBC roster had been learn to respect the authority of the referees or their lives will be made a living hell until they do. While it is our understanding that the commissioner may choose to remove us in good standing from the current roster of referees, we still legally hold our positions as union president and legal adviser... which one of us is which, you figure it out. But regardless, we are officially opening membership to those who are legally hired by MBC to serve as referees, so we can be hear to protect your rights and interests and ensure your authority is respected and recognized. [He then folds up the paper in question.] BP: I would like to add that this would not have been possible without our benefactor... and to our commissioner, it is not Simon O'Neal, so you can put the scalpel away. But our benefactor has not only shown a willingness to rally behind our cause, but also was more than happy to see to it that they stirred up some really great [MEEP] to make a certain tag team who believes title shots come just for producing a cheap porn video that would make the Throbbing Mattress Kittens shake their heads in disbelief. LE: Oooh... that sounds kinky! BP: [snickering] Quite... but moving on, our benefactor... [And walking into the shot would be the Chromosomes. Masks still on, check. Mics that distort their voices still in hand, check. No clues yet as to their identity, check.] X: The entire MBC has been served notice... the referees are not being paid off like before... but they are being benefitted to ensure they, not the wrestlers, are in control. Y: And Lights, Camera, Action, you are definitely not in control now. Forget your greedy demands and desires... the only thing you are going to get is a thorough [MEEP] kicking from the two of us. BP: And to my fellow brothers who are here to enforce the rules of the ring... we must unite! LP: Join us, do! [Fade out.] Slush: So not only are the jobbers revolting but so are the referees. Pinhead: It's not so much a revolt as it is a union. Slush: Is there a difference? Pinhead: Technically, yes. Skullhead: Doesn’t matter. It's just something else we'll have to deal with now. Pinhead: Or rather your wife. Slush: Sucks to be you! Tinkle: MEEP! Skullhead: Our next match is the second title match of the evening. The Team Bastard Championship Titles are on the line as the Problem Solvers defend their belts against the makeshift team of Erik Grimsson and Mike Reznor. Pinhead: Let's not forget that both Grimsson and Reznor have extensive tag team experience, much of which was in the MBC. Skullhead: Plus the two teamed together in the 2X4 Tournament. They shouldn't be too uncomfortable with one another. Slush: Could be after eating too much BBQ. Pinhead: Again with the BBQ. Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: Can you blame me? Pinhead: Yes, for a lot of things Skullhead: But let us not underestimate the power of the Problem Solvers here. They're an extremely formidable team here. Pinhead: They put on a hell of a title defense at 2X4. Skullhead: And as we saw earlier, Erik Grimsson may be their target tonight. Skullhead: And it seems that they may be look to target Erik Grimsson. Not very good news for the Heavy Metal Hero. Pinhead: We'll have to see if Grimsson and Reznor can over come all that. Slush; Would you bet on that? Pinhead: Not with Haliburton's odds. [The camera fades in to see the maitre de of the Anchor Grille restaurant, talking to...] Maitre De: I’m sorry, Mister Haliburton, but without a reservation, there’s no place to put you or your party. [Mister Haliburton nods] That is a Problem, isn’t it? [Mr. H. snaps his fingers. Pete Davidson and Dan Muldoon appear on each side of the Maitre De and hoist him up, carrying him away from the station. Mister Haliburton walks past, finding a table with a ‘Reservation’ sign, tossing the sign away, and sitting down.] Mr. H: Life hasn’t been so good for the MBC. Losing their home, forced to travel like a roving band of gypsies. Fortunately, life has been very good for us. The belts still remain in the hands of my Problem Solvers, and our membership into the Hand of Doom has been profitable for all sides. [Muldoon and Davidson pull up some chairs and sit down on each side of Mr. Haliburton, who hands each one of them both a menu and one of the MBC Title belts. A man in a suit walks up to them.] Man: I’m sorry, gentlemen, but this table is res... [Dan Muldoon stands up and looks down at the man, who turns a shade of white. Mister Haliburton waves Dan off.] Mr. H: I’ll have a glass of Chablis, ’57 if you have it. My friends here will each take the house Lager- and we’ll be ready to order in a minute. [The man scurries away as Haliburton looks over at Pete.] Mr. H: You’ve got some water on your tie, Pete. Stood too close to the fountain while ‘talking’ to the maitre de? [Pete looks down at the wet tie and grimaces. Mister Haliburton chuckles] Mr. H: A simple matter. Much like our opponents, Mike Reznor and Erik Grimsson. [Mister Haliburton makes a face] "Heavy Metal", indeed. A bunch of loud noise with no style or talent- both the music, and Mr. Grimsson himself. Plus, Mike Reznor may well be a "Big Nasty Bastard". But my Problem Solvers are just as big, even more dangerous, better ‘bastards’- and the tag team champions. There’s a reason we’re part of the elite Hand of Doom, and you two gentlemen... [Mister Haliburton struggles to find the right phrase] ...are not. [Fade out] ______________________________________________________ /_ __/ __ )_ __/ TEAM BASTARD CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH / / / __ |/ / THE PROBLEM SOLVERS © versus / / / /_/ // / ERIK GRIMSSON and MIKE REZNOR /_/ /_____//_/ |____________________________________Writer: Kyle B. Lee [Erik Grimsson and Mike Reznor entered separately, however the crowd loved them equally. Once in the ring, the two shook hands and discussed strategy. All signs indicated that they were of singular mind and singular purpose in facing against the reigning Team Bastard Champions. Led by Mr. Haliburton, The Problem Solvers marched to the ring with the intent of doing some damage. In the ring, things got right to business. Reznor started for his side against Dan Muldoon and through the early moments of the match, it was all about testing one another in the matter of strength. Locking up and knuckling down was the norm. The Problem Solvers tagged frequently and it would have been the same for the other side. However, once Erik Grimsson came into the ring, Muldoon and Davidson shifted gears, targeting Grimsson's weak knee and keeping him from the corner. Muldoon and Davidson were extraordinarily vicious and dirty as they attacked. But Grimsson certainly was not at a total disadvantage. His brawling was explosive and he managed to make enough tags to Reznor to keep the match alive.] Skullhead: The Problem Solvers are obviously looking to make an example of Grimsson here. Pinhead: This is why you fear the Hand of Doom. If they target you, things will not be pretty. Slush: Put a bag over its head and draw a smiley face. It'll be fine. [This was by no means a pretty match, speaking of all things good looking or otherwise. The brawling was heavy and the tests of strength were ugly. The Solvers seemed utterly determined to physically maim Grimsson's knee but the "Heavy Metal Hero" just wouldn't let it affect him, at least not at the beginning. The effects of the attacks began to show more and more and he wisely tried to reach the corner when he could. But Muldoon and Davidson were like predators, metaphorical sharks in the water smelling blood. Reznor extended as far as he could but the reigning champs just kept Grimsson away. Undaunted, Erik fought back hard as you would expect. Grimsson came alive pressing his advantage where he could. But the Problem Solvers held no reservations about attacking the knee repeatedly. And Mr. Haliburton held no reservations about striking that very knee with his cane. He struck so hard that the cane shattered and Grimsson went to the mat. Before Grimsson could recover, Muldoon and Davidson were on him with their finisher "The End", devastating Grimsson's knee and leg even further. Muldoon covered while Davidson went after Reznor to prevent him from making the save.] RING ANNOUNCER: The winner of this match by pinfall and STILL Team Bastard Champions... THE PROBLEM SOLVERS!!! Skullhead: They're still going after the knee! Pinhead: Here comes Reznor! He's charging hard and going after Davidson! Skullhead: Grimsson fighting back! He's taking it to Muldoon! Pinhead: Haliburton is calling his men off. But really, the damage has been done. Slush: To my brain! Tinkle: MEEP! Pinhead: Grimsson is standing but he's wobbly. I still think the desired effect from the Hand of Doom has been made. Skullhead: And let us not forget that Crimson said he'd be looking into this personally. Pinhead: Erik Grimsson had better watch his back. Skullhead: Nothing he isn't used to. [Words on the screen flash: "AFTER 2X4" Fade in: Jerry "Pure Power" Titus is being checked on by a doctor backstage. Jerry's body is covered in bruises and small cuts and he appears to be a bit woozy.] Doctor: They did quite a number on you. JT: Well, what can I expect when I'm in the ring with Stan Crawford. Doctor: Well, yes... but I was talking about the Hand of Doom. [Jerry frowns.] JT: Yes, there was that... honestly, I'm not too happy with somebody right now. Doctor: Well, I can understand you being upset at Crimson for... JT: Again, there is that... but what I don't understand is how our commissioner let that happen. Sure, it's her right to do the match as a Death Cycle and put the stipulation as she sees fit, but to allow that to happen... Doctor: Hold up a minute, son... you've got to understand how the Hand of Doom operates. They pull the wool over everyone's eyes quite a bit. I can guarantee you that Becky Carlisle-Skullhead is not the first person in charge to be duped by Crimson and his followers and she won't be the last. I thought your aunt would have told you that. JT: [sighing] It's just that I trust our commissioner to do her job. Doctor: I understand that. But the Hand of Doom doesn't operate under normal rules. I can't begin to tell you the number of times I've had to treat people who felt their wrath... especially the days when Vengeance was part of that group. JT: He really packed a mean punch? Doctor: No, but he sure did drive the prelims insane with his constant rantings. Heck, I imagine it won't be long before Crimson dumps Harley Sanders after Sanders keeps bugging Crimson about needing either earplugs or more alcohol every time Vengeance opens his mouth. [Brief silence before Jerry speaks.] JT: Regardless, I'm not the type of person who lets something like that go so easily. Doctor: Well, then, best of luck to you if choose to take your aggressions out on the Hand of Doom then. I'll just expect to visit with you again until those things are settled, though... no offense meant. JT: None taken... but while I may be seeing you some more, I still have other business ahead of me. I've got a Death Cycle with Stan Crawford to take care of first. [The doctor just nods as he continues to check Jerry. Fade out.] Skullhead: Jerry Titus put on one of the singular performances in the history of our business. That Death Match with Stan Crawford was incredible. Pinhead: And now it's tied at two matches a piece. Regardless, don't you think for one moment that what the Hand of Doom did after their match at 2X4 isn't weighing on the minds of Crawford and Titus. There will be a measure of retribution. Slush: Ah retribution. Such a pretty word. Pinhead: One you are familiar with I am sure. Slush: I may even have it tattooed on my ass. Pinhead: You may? Slush: You ever try to look at your own ass. It's difficult. Pinhead: No, can't say I try that. Slush: Just keep spinning around and around and around in circles. Pinhead: Like chasing your own tail? Slush: I wish. You know how much fun I could have if I had a tail? Skullhead: And speaking of the Hand of Doom, that takes us to our main event. Slush: It does? Skullhead; Tonight we have the leaders of the three dominate factions facing off against one another: Crimson of the Hand of Doom, The One-Winged Angel of Amity and Vengeance of the Industry of Hate. Slush: Is the IOH really dominate? I always thought that... they were just... there. Skullhead: I understand we have Tawni Northern backstage with One-Winged Angel. Pinhead: And from what the producers are telling us, that should be taken very loosely. [Cut backstage where Tawni, mic in hand, is inside the Amity locker room. Next to her, sitting is "The Bastard Legend" One-Winged Angel. Who appears so lost in his own thoughts he's staring blankly ahead oblivious to Tawni or the camera crew being there. Luckily (or not depending on your point of view) for us, he's thinking out loud.] 1WA ...and so all this time I was wrong. They never wanted a respectable world champion. They wanted a guy that only can only win big matches with the help of Russian tanks and a stacked deck in his favor. They don't want a world-class operation. Hence the floozy sleeping with announcers rather than any of the qualified candidates. The type that put talent out promoting their company in matches with no time to prepare or even get to their venue. No wonder those poor, clueless idiots couldn't get behind what I was doing for them. They don't want the greatness that could be. They want to wallow in the mediocrity that reflect their sad, miserable, everyday lives. [1WA pauses in thoughts and tilts his head slightly as if processing something.] 1WA: They LOVE Vengeance. His irrepressible hatred for all unlike him for he doesn't care to understand. His hatred for all that is like him for reflecting how badly he sucks at life. His hate for all that's successful because it's something he will never be. These people, that board, Lee, the roster. They ARE Vengeance. He's the spirit of the MBC. [Angel tilts his head back and his eyes light up a little. Tawni, as the rest of us, look on with eyes that scream "WTF?"] 1WA: And Crimson, appropriately named, is the heart of these douche bags. Because as he could never cut it outside of the MBC, they can't cut it outside of their $7.00 an hour street-sweeping, grocery-bagging jobs. As he repeatedly attempts to revive the Hand of Doom only to ineptly watch it wither away every time, so do these morons hopes and dreams. And as he, they take foolish pride in failing the same way over and over again instead of seeing what an embarrassment they are to themselves and everyone that surround them. The futility that flows in his veins is their futility. [Now 1WA's eyes widen as if he's had an epiphany.] 1WA: These people don't want greatness. As their own lives, they want to watch their heroes collapse under the weight of their own subpar existences. And where Vengeance is the spirit and Crimson is the heart, I shall be the noose. Amity can push this company so far in disarray that in the chaos we can take whatever we want and do whatever we want. Everyone else destroying themselves and the fans can all go home happy. [And with a smile 1WA jumps up from his seats and rushes out of the room, apparently newly motivated. Tawni stands there at a loss of words for what she just witnessed.] Skullhead: ... Pinhead: .. Slush: YEAH! MY BOY! DOING HIS PAPPA PROUD! Pinhead: Really, you're proud of that? Slush: He's the greatest son a father could have! Skullhead: Right, well, he's in tonight's main event. But he's facing against Crimson and Vengeance. Pinhead: The three leaders of the three factions of the MBC. Ironically enough tough, all three of them have ties to the Hand of Doom. Crimson is obvious. Skullhead: Vengeance was a founding member as well. Pinhead: And the One-Winged Angel was once a member. Skullhead: And here they are, facing off against one another. Slush: My son will rule with an iron fist! Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: No, he'd be awful at proctology exams. ______________________________________________________ /_ __/ __ )_ __/ TRIPLE THREAT MAIN EVENT / / / __ |/ / / / / /_/ // / CRIMSON vs VENGEANCE vs ONE-WINGED ANGEL /_/ /_____//_/ |____________________________________Writer: Kyle B. Lee [Focus. Rage. Insanity. These three things were prevalent as the three combatants for the main event made their way to the ring. First was Crimson of the Hand of Doom. His eyes were locked solely on the ring. The booing of the fans was of no consequence. Then came The One-Winged Angel whose seething rage radiated from him like an aura. And Vengeance, he wore a Pope like outfit that could only have been created by a seamstress well versed in the dark arts of damned textiles. There, in the ring, the three wrestlers, the three factions collided in a cacophony of violence.] Slush: Somebody's getting wordy again. [Crimson first targeted Angel while Vengeance stood there, laughing. His laughter was pure madness but it soon ceased when the Amity leader leveled him with a drop kick to the face. The focal point of the match changed often as each of the three men became the target for the other two. But as the match and chaos went on, it became quite clear that Crimson was more intent on focusing his attacks on the One-Winged Angel. Angel seemed content to let the other two wear each other down but his game plan would only work as long as Vengeance carried the momentum. The High Pope of Hate was a whirlwind of punches, kicks and vulgar motions.] Pinhead: Does a pelvic thrust really constitute being a move? Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: You're right. I'll have to add it to my arsenal. [On and on the violence went. Crimson tossed Angel to the outside but was caught from behind by the grasp of the Mad Pope's "Spirit of Vengeance". As Crimson struggled to work himself free, the Angel climbed to the apron and executed a springboard dropkick straight into Crimson's gut. Vengeance dared give the Angel a high-five but he instead received a hurricanrana. Angel tried a cover on both but it was for naught. The Angel maintained dominance but Crimson and Vengeance were soon double teaming him. It even seemed that Crimson was in fact giving Vengeance openings to attacks, setting things up for the Industrialist of Hate to capitalize on.] Skullhead: I'm hesitant to say this... Slush: So don't... Skullhead: But it definitely seems like Crimson and Vengeance are working together. [WHACK!] Pinhead: But that big boot to Crimson's face certainly would indicate that you're wrong. [Indeed, it was a rather large boot to the face that Vengeance nailed Crimson with. But before he could do the same to the One-Winged Angel, the Amity leader came at him with a flying heel kick. Angel took dominance in hand and went after Crimson and Vengeance equally. Amidst fighting back, Crimson backed away leaving Vengeance and Angel to an all out brawl. Crimson waited and when the opportunity presented itself, he struck. Just after Angel hit Vengeance with a Heavenly Wind, he climbed to the top to strike with a Hell's Halo. Before he could though, Angel was shoved off the top by Crimson. Angel collapsed hard and was quickly hit by a Black Lightning LBI. Instead of taking the cover however, Crimson draped Vengeance over the One-Winged Angel and slipped outside the ring to hold the Angel's feet down. Unable to kickout, the Angel was pinned for the three count by Vengeance.] RING ANNOUNCER: The winner of this match by pinfall... VENGEANCE!!!! Slush: MY SON WAS ROBBED! Pinhead: He shouldn't be shocked that his old mentor did that to him. Skullhead: And it’s always one of the dangers of a three way match. If you get double-teamed enough, you're really going to get burned. Slush: I want justice! Tinkle: MEEP! Pinhead: I doubt anyone is going to give it to you. Skullhead: But I'm sure the Angel will make sure to take it into his own hands. Slush: Just like daddy taught him! Pinhead: Oh dear. Skullhead: We're out of time folks. Join us next time for Tuesday Bloody Tuesday. Slush: Can I have the last word? Pinhead: No! [Fade to sweet merciful black.] Slush: I WIN! |
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Everything I learned about soccer, I learned from Dro. You are to refer to Katie as "The Duchess of Der Basterdmusen" as of June 2014. She'll get angry if you don't. You've been warned. | |
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| texanspaniard | Apr 30 2009, 01:44 PM Post #3 |
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The Luther Burger
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Man that was tons of fun! So many really fun segments and lots of strong story building in this episode. I'm still waiting to see how one of the Omen's prophecies will play out! My favorite thing was probably the John Vengeance segment! John Vengeance RULES! Reallyl fun episode, was a great read! Top 3 Favorite Matches: 01-Crimson vs Vengeance vs One Winged Angel 02-The Problem Solvers vs Erik Grimsson & Mike Reznor 03-Taylor MacKenzie vs Jan Delgado Top 3 Favorite Segments: 01-John Vengeance & Industry Of Hate 02-Kyle Lee & Omen 03-Max Benson & Becky Carlisle-Smith |
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