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| [MBC] Tuesday Bloody Tuesday - May 5th, 2009 | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: May 13 2009, 04:23 PM (502 Views) | |
| MBCKyle | May 13 2009, 04:23 PM Post #1 |
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The Soda Dog Refreshment Squad
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[The camera fades in to see Kyle Lee and Becky Carlisle-Skullhead seated in a small office, complete with a conference table, some other chairs, and a wall-mounted TV. A sign by the door indicates that this office is in the 'DEPARTMENT OF COMMERCE- CLEVELAND, OHIO'] BC-S: How did we get this appointment? KL: We didn't- they came to us. Something about one of their men really liking the MBC. BC-S: But... moving the entire organization to Cleveland? It sounds... VO: Like a _spectacular_ idea. [Becky and Kyle turn around. There, at the back of the room, dressed in a fedora hat, Ray-Ban sunglasses, and a power suit, is Simon O'Neal. Simon gives a trademark smirk and saunters into the room.] SO: If I do so say myself. KL: O'Neal! Look, there is no way I'm letting you near the referee's... [Simon waves Kyle off as he sits down] SO: Not to worry, Kyle. I've got too many irons in the fire. See? [Simon flips over a nameplate in front of him, reading "S. O'Neal- City Planner"] SO: I've gone legit. KL: You've gone into... bureaucracy? BC-S: God help us all. SO: Now, the way I see it, we can help each other. The MBC needs a new home. Cleveland, as part of my rebuilding program, needs some cultural identity. Perogies and LeBron James only goes so far. We can help each other. Picture it now... Crimson throwing out the first pitch at an Indians game... Jerry Titus and Shotgun Stan Crawford brawling at the Terminal Tower... Kiora Donavon and Kathryn Ellison taking a tour of Tiffany's Cabaret. The possibilities are endless. KL: And Vengeance? SO: Kept in a fireproof phone booth for his own safety. He's a former Presidential candidate. KL: I remember- you were his Vice-President. SO: Good times. Good times. Look, let me show both of you this video highlighting the finer points of making Cleveland the new home to the MBC. [Simon gets up, hits a remote, and the screen comes alive. As Kyle and Becky watch, Simon quietly slips out of the room.] http://joeposnanski.com/JoeBlog/2009/04/23/my-city-of-ruins/ [And when that video fades, we cut to the intro... "Sabbath Bloody Sabbath" by Bruce Dickenson with Godspeed quickly begins to play as the opening credits kick into motion. We're treated to various images of the MBC's most recent spectacular 2X4 2008...] #You've seen life through distorted eyes# #You know you had to learn# #The execution of your mind# #You really had to turn# [The first image we see is the flashback to the mid 80's with Slush wearing Addidas... little people dressed just like him... the appearance of "The Devil's Mother"... the spectacle of the 2X4 Tournament Third Round match... Kathryn Elyson and Andrea Kristian taking on Susan Davis and Tesla St. James... Mike Reznor and TENMA Akamu going toe to toe... the preliminary wrestlers swarming in...] #The race is run the book is read# #The end begins to show# [The insanity of Lights Camera Action beating the tar out of referees who think they're wrestlers... The Chromosomes appearing and taking the fight to LCA... Hands punching through a wall to grab Slush by the throat... Max Benson and Ryu Osawa taking The Omen down and both covering for the pin... Erik Grimsson and Jan Delgado getting the final word in on Holly Hotbody and Brawn Stevenson...] #The truth is out, the lies are old# #But you don’t want to know# [Stan Crawford locked into a physical showdown with Chromosome Y... Dalbello Rage using every trick in her book in order to keep Jerry Titus down... Kiora Donavon and Amber Rogers winning the Psycho Driver Tag Team titles from Leanna and Lolita Love... The Omen delivering prophecy to Slush...] #Nobody will ever let you know# #When you ask the reasons why# #They just tell you that you're on your own# #Fill your head all full of lies...# [The return of Tinkle... The Return of R.U.N.T... The Problem Solvers getting the win over Fury in a brutal Falls Count Anywhere Match... Tom Landis, One-Winged Angel, Myra Benedict, and Tara Marshall all brawling into the crowd... Jerry Titus and Stan Crawford beating one another bloody... Jerry Titus holding the SBC Title victorious... The return of the Hand of Doom...] #...YOU BASTARD!!!# [The image lingers before it gives way to the guitar solo and logo...] ______ __ ___ __ __ /_ __/_ _____ ______/ /__ ___ __/ _ )/ /__ ___ ___/ /_ __ / / / // / -_|_-< _ / _ `/ // / _ / / _ Y _ Y _ / // / /_/ \_,_/\__/___|_,_/\_,_/\_, /____/_/\___|___|_,_/\_, / /_ __/_ ____/___/___/ /__ ___ __ /___/ / / / // / -_|_-< _ / _ `/ // / /_/ \_,_/\__/___|_,_/\_,_/\_, / /___/ D E S O L A T E , E X I L E D A N D D E S P E R A T E T O U R M a y 5 t h , 2 0 0 9 T h e W o l s t e i n C e n t e r C l e v e l a n d , O h i o [The logo fades and we are taken to... a nearly empty arena. Oh this isn't good.] Skullhead: Are we on? [Yes we are and it appears as if people are slowly filing into the arena. There are no signs and there is no loud ovation of screaming fans. Gone are the pyrotechnics and enthusiasm. It's as if we came to this live telecast way too early.] Skullhead: I can't believe we're actually going live with this. [The cameras cut away from the embarrassing lack of a crowd and go right to our commentary crew. At right, is Skullhead.] Skullhead: Hello everyone. We should probably start this show with a bit of an apology. Pinhead: I don't know if we really need to apologize. Stupider things happen. Unfortunately, this happened to us just before the show started. [At the center, is Pinhead.] Skullhead: It appears that as the show was beginning its final preparation for telecast, an unidentified person pulled the fire alarm. As a result, everyone had to evacuate. Slush: I got to ride the fire engine! [And at left is Slush, wearing a fireman's hat.] Pinhead: If only you would have asked if you could drink from the fire hose. Slush: I don't get it. Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: But I'm not gay anymore remember? Skullhead: You also may notice that we're not at Quicken Loans Arena. The playoff basketball game for the Cleveland Cavaliers took precedence. But we're here on the campus of Cleveland State University instead. So the show is pressing ahead. We're already a little late as it is and we can't afford to miss out on this time slot. The last thing the MBC needs is to do something that could cost us its syndication deal. Pinhead: Or what's left of it. Skullhead: So here we are. With an arena that’s still filling up. Slush: I hear that there are fights going on outside because some people can't get back inside. Pinhead; Maybe we should have stayed in Cincinnati. We didn't have this sort of trouble there. Skullhead: True, but they have the Bengals. There's enough misery to go around. Slush: Wow! Skullhead with the sports joke! I'm impressed! Pinhead: You are? Slush: Not really. I'm still excited that I got to ride the fire engine. Skullhead: Regardless, we need to move on to the first match of the evening. And it looks like we may need to go out of order here. Pinhead: What's first? Skullhead: We have Leanna and Lolita Love taking on the New TMK. Slush: It's so wonderful to be straight again. I can enjoy TMK videos like they were meant to be enjoyed. Pinhead: How are... no... don't answer that. I have a mental image right now that is to terrible... so horrific... that I will need therapy for years to come. Slush: I was going to say with popcorn. Pinhead: Oh I'm sure. Slush: Ever do the popcorn trick? Pinhead: STOP! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! Tinkle: MEEP! Skullhead: The Loves I'm sure are still somewhat upset about losing the Psycho Driver Tag Team titles at 2X4. And I have no doubt that a rematch is inevitable. But for now, they're looking to build momentum. Pinhead: Which will be difficult to do against the new TMK, especially with Kathryn Elyson in their corner. Skullhead: We saw what sinister plans Elyson had for Erik Grimsson last show. Lord only knows what the Hand of Doom will do this week. Slush: I wonder if the HOD has a 401k plan. Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: What do you mean "invest in hamster futures"? Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: Since when are hamsters marketable? Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: How do you account for the market overflow? Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: Fascinating. [The scene opens to the Mary Ann Sears Swetland Rose Garden at the Cleveland Botanical Garden. It's here that we find Lolita Love, camera in hand. The young woman is clad in a pink, long-sleeved T-shirt, emblazoned with the "Strawberry Shortcake" logo, and jeans. She also wears a pair of tennis shoes, her long hair in pigtails.] [Trailing behind her is her sister, Leanna, looking less than enthused. Leanna is clad in a canary yellow, track suit and tennis, her blonde hair tied back and styled in a ponytail. As the duo nears a particular center bed, surrounding a fountain, Lolita inhales sharply, quickly snapping pictures with the camera.] Lolita: Gorgeous. Just wait until Corey sees this! He's going to die. [Leanna frowns and folds her arms across her chest.] Leanna: I still can't believe I let you drag me here today. I feel like we should be preparing for tonight by kicking or punching something. [Lolita turns to face her older sister and smiles.] Lolita: Haven't we done enough training for one match? Besides, we'll have plenty of time for that in a few hours, when we fight the Cordova Sisters. Leanna: Who cares about those two? I'm hoping we run into those two thieves, Amber and Kiora, backstage, so we can pay them back for what happened at 2x4! Lolita: [sighs] You still sore, huh? Leanna: Well, aren't you? We were robbed, 'Lita, by two of the sneakiest, most underhanded women around! And it burns me up! Amber and Kiora have no place holding the Psycho Driver Tag Titles. [Meep], I still can't believe we even lost them. Lolita: Yeah, I was bummed at first too. But it's happened. [Lolita shrugs.] Lolita: The best thing we can do now is deal with it and move forward. [Leanna flashes her an incredulous look.] Leanna: Don't tell me that you're okay with this! I mean, Kiora attacked you and has been trying to get under my skin since she and I crossed paths. And I don't think I have to run down how much of a sleaze bag Amber is. You know that from firsthand experience. You can't be fine with those two running around with our old belts! Lolita: No. I'm not okay with it exactly. But we can't change the past. [Lolita frowns.] Lolita: To be honest with you, if we had to lose the belts, there are plenty of other teams I would have preferred. After all, I can only imagine what that win did to Amber's already inflated ego. But what's done is done. Right now, I'm more concerned with winning this match and hopefully getting a rematch. [Leanna shakes her head.] Leanna: Well, I won't lie. I'm still pissed about it. And I don't think I'll be fine with any of this until we've won the Psycho Drivers back and beaten the [Meep] out of those two slags. And I'm not particularly picky about which order either of those happens. Lolita: [laughs] Well, I think we'll be able to do both. But first, we gotta beat the Cordovas. [Leanna waves her hand.] Leanna: Already done. Look, I know they've got that whole weird twin thing down. Lolita: Spooky, right? Leanna: More like annoying. Either way, Aurora and Luna have no idea what they're in for. They can have their little psychic link or whatever it's called. But that still won't help them against one of the MBC's best. We've proven ourselves countless times around here, and will have no problem doing it again. [Lolita nods her agreement.] Lolita: I just hope the rest of the Hand of Doom stays out of this. Leanna: With the mood I'm in, the HoD had better chill. Because I am so not for their tactics tonight. So, I'm really hoping they play it smart and let this match play out on its own. Otherwise, I will rip them each apart, starting with Crimson himself. Lolita: Well, you won't be doing it alone, that's for sure. I'm not about to let anything ruin this night for us either. After all, winning this match gets us closer and closer to Kiora, Amber, and the Psycho Drivers! Leanna: Exactly. So, how much longer do I have to endure this flower business? Lolita: [sighs] We're almost done. A few more pictures and then we can go off so that you can hit something, okay? Leanna: [grins] I love you. [Fade.] ______________________________________________________ /_ __/ __ )_ __/ / / / __ |/ / LEANNA and LOLITA LOVE versus / / / /_/ // / THE NEW TMK /_/ /_____//_/ |____________________________________Writer: Kyle B. Lee [The New TMK were the first to enter the arena. To taunt the crowd, they dressed like fireman. Now, this was no indication if they held any guilt in the matter of the fire alarm situation. Chances are, they just flirted with some of the Cleveland firemen and borrowed components of their uniform. Once in the ring they waited. Next came the Loves. Leanna Love was still dressed in jeans and a T-shirt. Apparently the fire alarm being pulled did not allow her to change into her wrestling gear. She was ready to fight at least, wearing her boots and elbow pads. Lolita however was in her full wrestling gear. She seemed very uncomfortable though. Something was irritating her and it most certainly seemed like it was her own clothes.] Slush: Looks like somebody didn't do laundry. Pinhead: Is she breaking out into a rash? Skullhead: I don't think so. Pinhead: Something is definitely odd though. [Leanna asked Lolita multiple times if everything was okay. Something was bothering Lolita mightily but the younger sister told her older sister that everything was fine and to go about things as normal. Here, the new TMK saw an opening. So as the match began and moved on, both Aurora and Luna Cordova would do what they could to further the irritation for Lolita. And when Lolita was at the peak of discomfort, the Cordova's would take the opening and do their best to wear their opponent down. Leanna was a different animal all together though. She had no irritation and held nothing back in fighting the Cordovas. Lolita maintained a brave face and would continue to come in when her sister needed the tag. Lolita did quite well despite the itchiness but the endless scratching finally forced the referee to ask what was going on. She pointed to a few spots and as the referee (a female in the match thank you), Leanna kept the TMK at bay. The referee had a quizzical look on her face, that is of course until she realized what she had found... ...itching powder.] Pinhead: Itching powder? Skullhead: Have the Loves been pranked? Slush: Ah itching powder. Great stuff to snort. Tinkle: ... Pinhead: ... Skullhead: ... Slush: What? Who doesn't snort itching powder? [The referee asked multiple times if Lolita wished to leave the match but she refused, instead showing her determination to carry on with the match. Leanna beamed with pride. And then she nailed Aurora Cordova like a steel beam. Leanna took on the bulk of the match from there as Lolita tried to brush off as much of the itching powder as possible. But the itching just wouldn't stop. The referee again took a moment to check on Lolita. This distraction allowed Luna Cordova to slip out of the ring and go for a steel chair. Or it was Aurora. I'm not 100% sure. As one twin backed Leanna to the ropes and the other prepped to smash the chair across her opponent's back, a disturbance in the crowd gave birth to a familiar face making a return.] Slush: THE WHORE! Pinhead: That's "Supervixen" Ami Tran! We haven't seen her in months! Skullhead: And she's taking the chair from Luna... or Aurora... hell if I know the difference! Pinhead: Wait! Here comes someone else from the crowd... Brianna Landis? Slush: I HATE ALL LANDI LARGE AND SMALL! Pinhead: For whatever reason we've got Landis and Tran at ringside! And the referee is seeing the chair in the hands of one of the Cordovas! He's ending the match! RING ANNOUNCER: The winners of this match by disqualification... LEANNA AND LOLITA LOVE! Skullhead: We've now got Landis and Tran chasing off the New TMK! The Cordovas don't want anything to do with those two. Pinhead: Leanna and Lolita seem appreciative... Skullhead: TRAN AND LANDIS ARE NOW FIGHTING WITH THE LOVES! Slush: Yes! Friend of a female nature to my son! Take out the treacherous Bitch and the Landis Womb! Pinhead: Landis Womb? Slush: The Landi Bloodline must be stopped! Tinkle: MEEP! Skullhead: We now have the Wrecking Crew heading to the ring to settle things down. I have no idea why Ami Tran and Brianna Landis decided to present themselves in this fashion. Pinhead: Or why they're even working together. That's a bigger mystery to me. Slush: The answer is easy. Pinhead: And the answer is? Slush: They carpooled. Only possible answer. Tinkle: MEEP! Skullhead: Let's go to this while we sort this mess. [Becky and Kyle are seated in the office.] KL: I don't like it. I don't trust O'Neal at all BC-S: I don't either. But we need a new home. And he seems to have some pull. We... [The door SLAMS open as four men in suits enter, looking around.] Man #1: Jacob Lester, Department of the Treasury. Have either of you seen Simon O'Neal around? KL: About ten minutes ago. Man #1: DAMMIT! We just missed him. [To the others] Search the place. KL: Is he in trouble? [Pause] Check that- I know he's in trouble. What kind... Man #1: We need to have a discussion with Mr. O'Neal regarding some missing TARP funds. [Man #2 coughs] Man #1: [rolling his eyes] As well as an... "incident"... involving the Cleveland Cavaliers Dance team. [Kyle and Becky nod to each other.] Man #1: Can I have your names, please? KL: Kyle Lee and Becky Carlisle-Skullhead, from the MBC. Man #3: MBC? The wrestling league Simon talked about? BC-S: You've heard of us? Man #4: I have. [The tall, bearded man steps forward] My name isFrank Jackson ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_G._Jackson" ), and I'm Mayor of Cleveland. You're the cesspool that spawn Simon O'Neal and inflicted him upon us? KL: Well, I wouldn't have quite put it... Man #4: Get out. Even without him, I've heard enough about your league from Texas. Leave Cleveland, and never come back again. [Pause] Good day. [Fade out to Kyle and Becky being escorted out of the office] Skullhead: Well that's just wonderful. Looks like we're soon to be banned from Cleveland too. Pinhead: Should we be surprised? Skullhead: Not when it involves Simon O'Neal. Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: No Tinkle, I don't think he'll get married again. Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: You're right. He'll get married again. But he'll be divorced within the week. Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: I don't know. I'd say a high percentage of his marriages are Vegas style. Skullhead: Still, it's a good thing we're already in the middle of the show. Pinhead: When push comes to shove, I don't think a high enough authority would have any beef shutting down the operation. Slush: Like that one dude in Ghostbusters? Pinhead: Uh... sure. Slush: So Cleveland could shut down the containment unit? Pinhead: ... Slush: He'll unleash all the spirits of the dead into Cleveland! Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: You're right... how would anyone ever know. [ CLICK-CLICK BOOM! The familiar gun fire immediately sets off boos. And the newest configuration of the group we call Amity makes their entrance with some changes. Gone are the fog and the red and blue spotlight circling the arena. There's a simple navy blue haze to the lights. Gone is Young Buck's club-fight song "Stomp." Now we hear the more sinister sounding remix to Eminem's "The Way I Am" entitled "Whatever." "Poison Bliss" Myra Benedict is dressed in a hooded blackleather trenchcoat over black "Dying to Bleed the World" tanktop, matching black military issue fatigues, and combat boots on her feet. Her hands are covered by her usual maroon fingerless cloves. Noticeable by its absense, however, is the lack of a patch over her right eye - removed at the last PJG show. The eye is intact, but for a gruesome scar through her eyelid. Myra's wavy dark brown hair is naturally highlighted in red, and falls down around her shoulders, framing her face. Like the Reaper in modern pop culture, Myra holds her Bloodhorn crowbar/sickle high on her shoulder - so the sickle is behind her neck. The women's Championship is draped over her other shoulder. Trailing her, wearing a sleeveless Amity t-shirt, black jeans and shoes is "The Bastard Legend" One-Winged Angel. He, as typical is bemused with the negative reaction from the crowd and twirls his trademark black rose cane while grinning in an almost carefree F.U. Bringing up the rear are the cousins Fury. Spice on the left wearing a full-fledged blue and black camo outfit with boots. And "The Lord of the Bling" relatively blingless: Calvin Johnson Lions jersey, blue jeans, street boots and a simple platinum "R" hanging from his chain. Amity enters the ring and 1WA soon signals with his cane to cut the music as the arena lights go normal again. After a few more moment to let the boos subside, Rage produces a microphone from his pocket and speaks.] Rage: "Lose one. Let go to get one. Get one, lose some to win some." That, my peoples, is the story of a champion. Ami Tran cost fam and I our titles. Sold us out for a title shot. Funny thing is without even getting in the ring around here very much she was handled title shots left and right. That on the backs of of our work. With every title shot, another failure. [Rage pauses.] Rage: But peep this, Ami. The piece lost was the weakest link. If we’re only as strong as you, youcoulda bounced a long time ago. The link that came in, probably as strong as our strongest. Result: one match, champion. [Rage walks over and pats Myra on the shoulder and smiles out at the booing crowd.] Rage: She reminded us where we came from. She clowned us for getting’ too Hollywood. So at 2x4 we got back to our roots. Got to the street fight. And while's it is unacceptable that we didn't get the job done, that won't last long at all. Halliburton and his cronies can take every shortcut in the book. But when it's all said and done, grinders always win. [Rages passes the microphone over the new Women’s Champion as the crowd boos harder. [Myra looks down at the mic for a long moment, soaking in the venom.] PBMB: Let me make one thing crystal clear. This... [With her free arm, Myra hooks a thumb towards the belt on her shoulder.] PBMB: ...Is only the beginning. True, Amity sunk to unfathomable depths, but we cannot... we _will_ not... be held down forever. In one night, Tara Marshall found out what it's like to go toe-to-toe with a warmonger, and fail. She gave me her best, but in my case, that is not nearly enough. You cannot defeat that which you are unwilling to become. In _one_ night... [A fiendish smirk now creeps across Myra's lips, as she glances between the other Amity members.] PBMB: The MBC was put on notice. My victory marks the return of our dominance. And tonight, Angel and I take the next step towards achieving that... by completely destroying Landis and his whore for Slush's dogs to feed upon. [One-Winged Angel takes the mic from Myra now and takes a moment to soak in the boos from the Cleveland crowd.] 1WA: And to think someone as talented Lebron James would entertain the thought of playing for a bunch of people as worthless as these. Great king, pathetic kingdom. [He smirks at the baited hate he receives for that remark.] 1WA: Now I expect half of you are thinking I would come out here and declare war on the Hand of Doom after the events of last show. You would like that. More importantly the HOD would. You see, I know Crimson. I trained under Crimson. Really, at this point in career he's just mad cuz his ass is old. He would love for me to validate this weak-ass incarnation of the Hand by coming after him. [1WA look back at his allies in the ring.] 1WA: That would be selfish of me. Amity has bigger plans than that. Plans that have a very....[he puts his arm around Myra] Benedict....touch. There's something not quite right around here. There's just too much....what's the word I'm looking for..... [Myra leans forward towards the mic still in Angel's hand.] PBMB: Too much stability. [Smirking, Myra now takes back the mic.] PBMB: Too many rules, too much control, too little fluctuation... Too much f[BLEEP]king boredom. But not for too much longer. [Myra now slowly paces around her stablemates, her eyes still focused on the crowd.] PBMB: You once considered Jessica Marshall the bane of the MBC. But in truth, she was its life blood. She kept things constantly changing, constantly controversial... Constantly fun. [She nods her head.] PBMB: Now I... _we_ are that life blood. _We_ will provide the change, the controversy, the _fun_... [The smirk widens just a bit.] PBMB: And _we_ will provide the one thing that this company has been starving for for the last few years... _Cleansing_. [...] PBMB: For the righteous, the ignorant, the the incompetent, and the power hungry... pain will be the least of your worries. Your blood will stain this canvas, as I paint my mural of the damned. ["Whatever" kicks back up as the members of Amity soak in another chorus of boos. 1WA pats Myra on the back and leads the stable out of the ring and back up the aisle to the back. Pinhead: Slush! Quit doing pelvic thrusts! Slush: Hell no! Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: Deal with it furball! My son and his friends are all up in your face! BAM! Skullhead: Ever surf the internet and see somebody's avatar that's burned into your mind because you stare at it so long to figure out what it is? Pinhead: Yes. Skullhead: This is what Slush is doing. Slush: CLICK CLICK BOOM BITCH! Tinkle: MEEP! Pinhead: Why must you make the baby Tinkle cry Slush? Why? [Fade in, where we find ourselves at the most quintessential of places: the local watering hole. Specifically, the Winking Lizard in nearby Lakewood. (Blatant plug!: http://www.winkinglizard.com) And now, here we find sitting at one of the tables is the one and only "Hentai" Ryu Osawa. Nearby, his loyal cock Trice happily pecks away at a bowl of popcorn.] Ryu: Remind me why we're here again? [Well, for starters, it's close to my house and has one helluva beer list. And then I figure, we can head to Malley's afterwards and I can pick up a little something special for the hubby. 'Cause let's face it, nothing says "I love you, baby!" more than a Pronk Bar.] Trice: Bok? [No, Trice...we're not getting wings here. The white pizza's not bad though. Now, if you wanted wings, the Geppetto's that used to be near home had, on occasion, a pretty decent Cool Buffalo. Just was a matter of who was working the kitchen at any given time though. Unfortunately, it had the misfortune of being right next door to the Hallmark shop when it got hit by the American Greetings Death Ray and--] Trice: BAWK?! Ryu: DUDE! I mean, why are we here right now?! [Well, I figured that since you and Max Benson are playing tag team this time out, you two can discuss things in a civilized manner not only about your match with Lights Camera Action but also as to who gets the first shot at Taylor and the Grandmaster Typo belt. Diplomacy in action! Think of this as your very own Camp David.] Ryu: You sure this is a good idea? This is gonna be like talking to Sybil...I don't know who I'm gonna get in any given week! [Details.] Ryu: Important ones! Trice: Bok-bkawk-bawwwwwk? [Speak of the devil. Max Benson strolls in through the curtain dressed like a certain UWF wrestler and radiating "intensity". (Read: squinting really hard.) Max pulls up a chair next to Ryu Osawa.] Max: How’s it going, partner? Ryu: Okay, who are you? Max: I’m "Dusk Falcon" Max Benson. [It takes a moment for Ryu to figure it out. He then immediately groans and starts beating his head against the table.] Ryu: ...he's going to kill me... Max: Hey, if anyone’s going to randomly destroy things here, it’s me. Ryu: Do you even know anything about Mike? Max: Not really. Isn’t he, like, the straight man? But that sounds kind of boring. [Ryu doesn’t dignify this with a response. Could be worse, man...he could have been Virginia.] Max: Okay then, let’s get down to brass tacks. We need to figure out who gets this title shot. I would propose a karaoke battle, but you were silly enough not to pick a karaoke bar to meet in, so we’ll have to come up with another idea. [Yeah. Me. Silly. I'd actually like to come back to this town...whoddathunkit?] Trice: Bok? Ryu: [waving at the camera] Never mind her...she's a bit overprotective towards her karaoke bars. [HEY!] Ryu: Diplomacy, remember? [He sighs] Okay, how about this: you know that tag team match next show? Whoever gets the pin gets the first shot at Taylor. And if we lose... Max: ENTRY PROHIBITED NEVER LOSES! Ryu: ...if we lose, then whoever gets pinned goes to the back of the line. Sounds good? Max: Hmm.... relevant, and serious. I like it. You have a deal, partner. Ryu: Mike doesn’t talk like that. Max: Whatever. Now, here’s to a beautiful partnership. [Max lifts up a mug full of beer.] Max: Kanpai! Trice: Bok-bok! Ryu: [muttering] ...mental note, apologize to Michael for all the grief I've ever put him through next time I see him... [Man, I hope he didn’t put that on my tab. Fade out.] Slush: Who is this... Michael? Pinhead: "Nighthawk" Michael Bonn, Osawa's tag team partner in the UWF. Skullhead: And one hell of a wrestler. Pinhead: Extremely serious. Extremely dedicated to his craft. Slush: So he would hate it in the MBC. Pinhead: Most likely. Slush: I like him already. Skullhead: I'm sure he'd detest you in every way imaginable. And I'm sure he'd hate that Benson is impersonating him. But I've got to give credit to Benson for trying to make an honest go of the next match. Pinhead: And both Benson and Osawa are actually being civil about trying to figure who gets a shot at the Grandmaster Typo Championship first. Slush: It won't last. Pinhead: True. They've got to get past Lights Camera Action. And well, that'll be tough. Slush: Get some women to distract them. Easy as pie. Pinhead: I don't think that strategy would work too well. Tinkle; MEEP! Slush: We don't have the time or money for implants. Tinkle: MEEP! ______________________________________________________ /_ __/ __ )_ __/ / / / __ |/ / LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION versus / / / /_/ // / RYU OSAWA and MAX BENSON /_/ /_____//_/ |____________________________________Writer: Kyle B. Lee [Introductions were short and sweet, mostly with the luxury of Osawa and Benson coming out together. Benson was still fairly squinty eyed and Osawa was still fairly unsure about the... "squntiness" of his tag team partner. Lights Camera Action didn't seem to care one way or the other about the squintiness but they did give the referee a good looking over. You never know who you can trust now a day. The teams in the ring, the match was quickly started and was off to an exciting start. Osawa started off against Jackson and frequent tags were made. This was less surprising on the LCA side of course but for Benson and Osawa it was downright amazing. Given that these two should be at each other's throats or trying to outdo the other, you wouldn't expect this sort of thing.] Skullhead: Highly unusual for two men with this much at stake. Slush: Mmmmm.... steak.... Pinhead: I think both of them realize that losing their cool wouldn't be a benefit to either one of them. Slush: Will there be steak? Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: I like steak. [Despite the quality of work Benson and Osawa put forth, the lack of experience in working together was readily overcome by the experience Saotome and Jackson had in being a tag team. Lights Camera Action remained aggressive, looking to take advantage of any and every possible flaw in their opponent's game plan. And there were more than a few. Timing mistakes, missed tags and the like. But Benson and Osawa weren't down by any means. Both Max and Ryu were quite good with the improvisation, timing issues aside, and used that to the best of their abilities. The end result was an exciting match filled with unusual exchanges and twists in the road. The end came with all four men going to town on another inside the ring. Ryu and Max worked off against LCA in tandem and were gaining such momentum that things were looking quite dire for the flashy superstars. But when Osawa and Benson tried one last impressive double team maneuver, they miscalculated rather badly and ended up tripping over one another. This put LCA back into the match and the duo of Saotome and Jackson went into overdrive, sending their opponents to the rope and hitting spinebuster's on the rebound. To add insult to injury, they then executed the Final Cut on both Osawa and Benson, pinning both in tandem.] RING ANNOUNCER: The winner of this match by pinfall.... LIGHTS CAMERA ACTION!!! Skullhead: Hard fought match by both sides. Pinhead: You think it’s a little cocky for LCA to hit both of their opponents with the Final Cut? Skullhead: Yes. And perfectly in line with how Saotome and Jackson operate. Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: I don't think they're interested in getting you any tail. Skullhead: And with both men being pinned at the same time, Osawa and Benson are back at square one. Pinhead: Leaving the order of Grandmaster Typo Title shots in the air. Wonderful. Slush: I'd gladly take the shot. Pinhead: If only for a steel chair at this moment... Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: They don't make them your size. |
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Everything I learned about soccer, I learned from Dro. You are to refer to Katie as "The Duchess of Der Basterdmusen" as of June 2014. She'll get angry if you don't. You've been warned. | |
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| MBCKyle | May 13 2009, 04:24 PM Post #2 |
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The Soda Dog Refreshment Squad
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[SCENE: Not your usual fair. It's the backstage area of course, but we're not seeing wrestlers. We see production crew members being interviewed by police, most likely investigating the issues with the fire alarm. The camera pans down to take a spot behind a bench. On this bench sits the masked wrestler known as The Omen. His arm draped over the back of the wooden seat, and he watches the scene with the police unfold.] Officer #1: And you're positive that you saw someone with this description pulling the alarm? Person: Yes sir. [The Omen tilts his head as he watches with rapt attention. However, he is interrupted by a rather well dressed man.] Mr. Donner: Ah, The Omen. How fortunate that I was able to find you. [The Omen does nothing, instead continuing to stare dead ahead.] Mr. Donner: Did you prophesize this? That this is where the investigation would go? The Omen: No. I just followed the police. Mr. Donner: How interesting. The Omen: I know why you're here Mr. Donner. You may as well get to it. Chit chat is pointless. [Mr. Donner takes a seat next to The Omen and reaches into his pocket.] Mr. Donner: Very forward thinking of you. I like it. The Omen: Flattery is just the same Mr. Donner. [Mr. Donner's smile drops and he pulls out an envelope from his jacket.] Mr. Donner: Ever since 2X4, people are putting quite a lot of stock in your so-called "prophecies". Naturally, I don't believe in such things. The Omen: Naturally. Mr. Donner: However, the people I represent do believe. And they feel that you can help sway the officials of the MBC to bring their pay per view to our fair city since returning their hamster didn’t do the trick. The Omen: This is what they believe? Mr. Donner: Oh yes. It is quite important to our city that we get this event. He have a vested interest you see. We're smaller than your typical metropolitan area however we feel we can do more than places like Cleveland or Detroit can. We will embrace the MBC with open arms. [Donner then extends the envelope to the Omen.] Mr. Donner: If the MBC officials hear that you have seen a vision of their league being in our town... well... that’s win win. The Omen: So you wish me to be a false prophet? Mr. Donner: Many prophets have taken bribes to help "guide" their visions. [The Omen pushes the envelope away.] The Omen: I won't take your tainted money. I know how your city earns it and I won't trivialize what I do to earn a bigger paycheck. My blood may scream otherwise, but I won't go that route. [The Omen then stands.] The Omen: But I can tell you this Mr. Donner. I _have_ seen a vision. You'll get your event in your town. But it will prove to be a disaster in many ways. The bastards will be swim with the dead and a man you hold in high regard will be king. Then the world of bastards will come crashing down. And that will be on your hands. Good day Mr. Donner. [The Omen walks away as Mr. Donner pockets the envelope, unaffected by this prophecy. Fade.] Pinhead: And there we have another prophecy from The Omen. Slush: Big whoop. Pinhead: Shall we review his _other_ prophecy? Slush: No. Pinhead: I totally agree. Skullhead, you want to do it? Skullhead: The Omen stated at 2X4 that Slush's son would be Slush's downfall. Pinhead: That's just as smooth hearing as it is saying. Slush: Both of you are sadistic idiots. You realize that yes? Tinkle: MEEP! Pinhead: I'm fine with being sadistic as long as the target is you. Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU AGREE? [The scene opens outside of the arena. It's hours before the start of TBT and Jan Delgado is standing on the sidewalk, a pissed off expression on her face. The diminutive wrestler is clad in a tank top and jeans, completing the look with tennis shoes. Her long, black hair falls straight down her back. With her arms folded across her chest, she scans the streets, watching as cars go by. Suddenly, her eyes light up as a sleek, black limousine nears.] [As it pulls up to the sidewalk, Jan immediately pulls out a rubberband, pulling her hair back, and using it to fasten her hair into a ponytail. The backdoor to the limo opens and Brawn Stevenson steps out. The massive mountain of muscle is clad in a T-shirt and jeans. He cracks his neck and then reaches his hand back inside of the limo, ushering out Holly Hotbody.] [Holly wears a slinky, black, tank dress, a garment so short that the MBC is unsure whether to start pixeling or not, and spike heels. Her auburn hair falls down her back in curls, a smirk on her face. Upon the sight of her cousin, Jan sneers and immediately storms over to her.] Jan: YOU! [As Jan nears, Brawn immediately steps in front of Holly, folding his arms across his broad chest. He eyes the much smaller Jan menacingly.] Brawn: Come on. I dare ya. Give me an excuse. _Any_ excuse, skank bag. [He grins.] Brawn: I haven't tossed a midget since '04. And I'm long overdue. [Jan frowns, weighing her options, before stepping back. Holly chuckles and steps forward.] Holly: Heel, Brawn. [Holly places a hand on his arm before eying Jan with a smile.] Holly: May I help you? [Jan turns towards Holly and glares at her cousin.] Jan: Yeah, you can help me by going to Hell, you [Meep]itty [Meep] of a [Meep]! Holly: [laughs] My! Such language! You'd think _I_ was the one that beat and humiliated you last TBT and not Taylor. Brawn: Siz-nap! Jan: Shut it! I am so sick and tired of you, Holly. I thought that I would be done with you, after Erik and I beat you and the 'roid freak over there. Brawn: Hey! Jan: But nooooooooooooooooo! You just couldn't let me be. You had to show your face and try to screw with me right before my big match with Taylor. I do no... Holly: [cutting her off] Wait a minute. Let me get this straight. You're now blaming _me_ because you choked and couldn't get the job done against Taylor? [she laughs again] Oh, Jan. Didn't I warn you? I told you that you were nothing without me, but you failed to believe that, bolstered by that lame, lucky victory at 2x4. [Holly rolls her eyes.] Holly: Now that you've been made to look like a fool against Taylor, just like _I_ said, and the truth is right before your eyes, you're trying to make _me_ the scapegoat? Well, sorry, honey, but if you're looking for the woman responsible for your dismal performance and piss poor wrestling, you need to look in the mirror. Brawn: [grins] Holla! [Holly holds up her hand and Brawn slaps it as Jan rolls her eyes.] Jan: The only thing I'm blaming you for is continuing to be a thorn in my freakin' side! I know that I didn't beat Taylor and I'm the only person to blame for that. But I'm tired of you being around every corner, so quick to try to say all sorts of lies and play your tired little mind games. [Holly smirks, folding her arms across her chest.] Holly: Oh, really? And what are you going to do about it, little girl? Jan: Me and you. One on one. No Brawn. No Erik. And none of your Hand of Doom cronies either. Holly: [laughs] Are you for real? You couldn't even take Taylor MacKenzie one on one. How do you think you're going to handle me, a woman that is her obvious superior? Besides, fighting me is a privilege, something that has to be earned. Jan: What's that supposed to mean? Holly: [sighs] It means, stupid, that I have nothing to gain by fighting some chick that choked on her first big singles match. So, if you want to fight me so badly, prove it in the ring. And then, and only then, will I even entertain stepping in the ring with someone like you. Jan: Okay. Fine. We'll play this however you want. Holly: As if there was any other option. So, next week will be the start of your test. You manage to beat my personally picked opponents and then you get your opportunity against me. You fail? And you return to my side and retake your place as my assistant. Deal? [Jan takes a deep breath and exhales sharply before nodding her head.] Jan: Deal. Holly: [smiles] Good. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got other dreams to crush before yours. Ta! [With that, Brawn shoves Jan aside as he and Holly leave. Delgado folds her arms across her chest, glaring after the duo.] Pinhead: Oh poor, poor Jan. She just made another deal with the devil. Slush: At least it’s like that Elizabeth Hurley movie. You know, where she plays the hot devil? Pinhead: Wasn't that... Bedazzled or something? Slush: You obviously don't know your movies. It was "Austin Powers". Pinhead: I don't think that's right. Slush: Well leave the thinking to me and all will be right in the world. Pinhead: As in "right off a cliff?" Skullhead: Jan has the talent but we'll have to see if she can overcome odds that will surely be stacked against her. Slush: Hopefully not too high. They could just topple over her and crush her. Tinkle: MEEP! Pinhead: I'm getting too old for this. [We cut to the inner workings of the arena, specifically the parking lot. Seen getting out of a rental car is MBC President Kyle Lee and Commissioner Becky Carlisle-Skullhead. Lee looks agitated, and understandably so given what happened with Simon O'Neal. Lee has his cell phone to his ear and things don't seem to be getting any better.] KL: What the hell do you mean somebody pulled the fire alarm? [Becky too is on her cell phone.] BCS: Broke into their dressing rooms? Itching powder? [Yeah, it’s not a good day.] KL: Was it Vengeance? Please tell me it wasn't Vengeance. You know what, I'm in the building. I'll see you in a minute. [Lee hangs up his phone and walks further down the hall as it seems Becky's own headache seems to be increasing in magnitude. Lee turns to look and see what the problem is. She puts her hand over the receiver to talk to the boss man.] BCS: I've got to look into this situation. I'll meet up with you later and fill you in. May be related to the fire alarm. KL: Great. [Becky walks down a hall way. Just as Lee turns he is met by friend and member of the Board of Regents, "The Disgruntled Postal Worker" James Hardi.] KL: That was quick. Where’s Vengeance? JH: He’s been down in the arcade the whole day. Apparently he never knew about Dance Dance Revolution. He almost fainted when he found out they had Christina Aguilara songs. She’s some kind of goddess to him or something. Tease of HATE or whatever nonsense he spouts. KL: He pulled that fire alarm and broke into the locker rooms earlier. I just know it. I’m going to chain him to the front of a semi bound for Mexico. Swine flu better step up to the plate on this one. JH: That’s a negatory on that, he couldn’t have done it. He’s literally been in the arcade all day. The top 50 scores are all attributed to "HTE" now. He spent 2 hours dueling Georgia Church. KL: The prelim who dances all the time? Great. Still, I like my semi idea. JH: If you can get access to a semi I can get his passport and tape it over his mouth. That should get him across the border. I’d rather not deal with him. Ever. KL: We need to talk to him regardless. If we can get him to apologize for the 2X4 incident that'll go a long way to getting things back to normal. JH: He’s not going to apologize outright. We’ll have to trick him into it somehow. KL: I've already got him to say his name backwards. That unfortunately, only confused him. [Lee looks at his watch.] KL: I wonder, do people feed him after midnight? JH: Evil feeds 24/7, so yea. KL: Let’s get to the arcade. JH: We need to be careful. I hear he’s been getting a sugar high on pixie sticks. KL: This day just gets better and better. [Fade.] Slush: Did Vengeance beat my high score? Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: Well damnit! Pinhead: I'm amazed you play. Slush: Why? Pinhead: Because it means you're actually exercising. Slush: Hey! I take offense to that! I stay in shape! Pinhead: Of a Mack truck? Slush: [MEEP] YOU! Skullhead: Our next match... Slush: I HATE TOM LANDIS! Wow... that was out of nowhere. Pinhead: Instinct. Slush: Yes, Tom Landis DOES stink. Pinhead: I should not have said anything. Slush: But you did. Like the moron you are. Skullhead: Before I was interrupted, I was saying that our next match is a nontitle contest between MBC World heavyweight Champion "Hellraier" Tom Landis and Absence. Slush: What is he lacking? Pinhead: Oh God, you're going literal again. Slush: As opposed to what? Pinhead: I would say you're normal self, but normal for you is... is... Slush: What? Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: TAKE THAT BACK! Skullhead: Absence is looking for a big win here. And a win over the World Champ would certainly be huge. Pinhead: But Landis is no easy mark. Slush: I don't know. Get a big enough canon. Close counts in horseshoes and human canons right? Tinkle: ... Slush: What? ______________________________________________________ /_ __/ __ )_ __/ NON TITLE MATCH / / / __ |/ / "HELLRAISER" TOM LANDIS versus / / / /_/ // / ABSENCE /_/ /_____//_/ |____________________________________Writer: Kyle B. Lee [There was no flash or style to Absence's entrance, only the sounds of Down's "Bury Me in Smoke" as Absence walked to the ring with a sour look on his face. There, in the ring he waited for his opponent. "Hellraiser" Tom Landis was much more high energy, despite this only being a non-title match. But Landis had said on many occasions that he had wanted to give the fans a champion they could be proud of. And to this point, the crowd was definitely proud. Everybody except one man...] Slush: I HATE TOM LANDIS! [But then again, he didn't matter. And despite his protestations that this match shouldn't even be taking place, based solely on the grounds that he thinks that Tom Landis was the harbinger of Armageddon, the match began anyways. It started with Tom Landis quickly going after Absence's vertical base, dropkicking the bigger man in the knees. This only made Absence angry so the match essentially opened with mad brawling from corner to corner.] Slush: Make him pay! Make him pay! Pinhead: For what? Slush: I'll decide later! Like taxes! [Despite all of Landis' aggressive tactics, Absence made full use of his size advantage, striking hard and fast on the World Champion. Absence focuses primarily on Landis' back, hoping to eventually put him away so that he may never get up. Slush would love that sure but Landis wasn't going to allow that to happen if he could help it. Landis continued to lash out at Absence's legs and throughout the match, he switched up his methods in order to better confuse Absence. With the big man growing more and more impatient, Landis saw his openings start to unfold and he came at his opponent with higher impact moves. The most brutal of such ended up being a tornado inverted DDT. Landis tried to follow that up with a sleeper drop but Absence broke free and barreled over the champion with a massive clothesline. Absence pulled the champion up and powerbombed him square center to the mat. Absence covered but Landis raised his arm at two, exciting the crowd. Absence pummeled Landis relentlessly and sent him to the corner. He set Landis on the top turnbuckle but unfortunately for Absence, it was here that Landis came alive. Absence looked to go for a superplex but Landis kept the Industry of Hate member off the ropes and dazed him enough to take him down with the Diamond Dust. Absence came crashing and Landis covered to get a hard fought one, two, three.] RING ANNOUNCER: The winner of this match by pinfall.... "HELLRAISER" TOM LANDIS! Skullhead: Very strong victory by the World Champion. Slush: Can nobody think to cripple him? Is that so hard? Pinhead: Apparently yes. Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: I don't think I'll be able to get an anvil at this hour. Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: I don't think Acme is a real company. [Somehow, someway, through the wonders of technology we're taken to somewhere else. Admittedly, it's not really exotic. Okay, it’s not exotic at all. It's a counter made of glass filled with cheap crap. Behind it are shelves of equally crappy stuffed animals (including Larry the ‘Lectronic Landshark!) and the guy minding the counter wears a Cleveland Browns jersey and reading the latest issue of "Amazing Spider-Man", There's music and noise all around him and he seemingly is desensitized to this.] Young Voice: Hey mister? Where's the skeeball? [Our counter watcher looks up to see a small kid looking at him like a sad orphan.] Counter Watcher: In the back. [The kids walks off and our counter watcher returns to reading about the life of Peter Parker. Before he can turn the page, that same kid is back, with an arm load of tickets.] Young Kid: Can I trade these in now? [The counter watcher looks at the young kid in disbelief. Nobody is that good at skeeball!] Counter Watcher: The [MEEP]? Where did you get all those tickets? [The kid points to the back. Our camera follows and there we see something quite frightening.] Ravage: Remember kids, Skeeball is the official half assed ticket dispensing game of hate! [Here we find Ravage with a crowbar, prying open the skeeball machines and pulling out the rolls of tickets. Ravage then takes those tickets and sells off the rolls to the highest bidder.] Ravage: Who wants a stuffed landshark? [Our young counter watcher hops his counter and goes to stop the duo of skeeball destruction. However, our camera catches something far different and far more interesting... ...Vengeance at the "Dance Dance Revolution" machine.] Vengeance: Baby, getting higher! We're getting higher! Movin' with the vibe! Let the rhythm make you fly! You are the one! Baby, isn't this fun! Tonight! Happysayer: You’re about to break a million points JV! Vengeance: Quiet! I don’t want to have to get my groove back! Happysayer: Take it to this twerp! Show them the dance power of HATE! [Next to Vengeance is the "Armageddon" Georgia Church. She stares at the machine with intense concentration determined to win.. determined.. to DANCE) Vengeance: Say, you’re really good at this. Have you ever thought about a career in HATE? There are many benefits to being part of our organization. One of the most important things to remember is what we do even now is firmly based in HATE. That’s right. Dancing Dancing and Revolutionaring! You may be thinking. How does dancing and being a revolutionary go together? Obviously you do not become a revolutionary without HATE for something. Government I think. Great revolutionaries have to be coordinated which makes them dancers. Che Guevara, Pancho Villa, and especially Castro were not only revolutionaries but phenomenal dancers. (She seems unfazed) Vengeance: Let me tell you an old story about the power of dancing and revolution. Let me tell you of the world’s greatest revolutionary. The world’s most powerful dancer. The man who inspired this game we play now. The great hero of the Third Servile War. Yes, I am talking about SPARTACUS. [Blank stares from everyone around] Vengeance: You see Spartacus from 109 BC to 71 BC. That stands for "Before Christmas". Spartacus was slave gladiator who fought against oppression and aristocracy. Which he did. He also had a great love of dance. It is said he used his grace to enthrall 70 gladiator slaves to revolt and follow him to the caldera of and his rag tag group of merry men pillaged and plundered the area near modern Mount Vesuvius where they were joined by other slaves. Spartacus Naples gathering supplies and more followers. They formed strong bonds of HATE against the Roman empire with many in their ranks performing interpretive dance to express themselves. History shows that Roman senate gave supreme military command to the praetor Marcus Licinius Crassus. Crassus would also assume a hidden role as ruler of all Rome. Crassus was a man full of hate for the slaves or should I say, something disguised as a man. Little did the Romans know that Crassus was really the alien ruler of the Galactic Confederacy himself: Xenu. Yes, that thing Scientologists don’t want you to know about. Xenu knew that Spartacus and his superior intellect and superior Roman slave body could cause problems for his Scientology organization. Xenu decided to strike at Spartacus and seduce his followers to his side by passing out copies of Dianetics. This, however, was a fatal mistake. The books caused the fires of HATE to spread. "You mean I have to PAY to learn more?" "What’s this bull [MEEP] about an audit?" "What the [MEEP] is a [MEEP]ing thetan?" The army was enraged with HATE. Spartacus led them on an all out assault on Xenu’s mother ship that was in fact laying in the heart of Mount Vesuvius. The battle against Xenu’s scientologists and Spartacus’s gladiator army was brutal and fierce. Spartacus and his most brace soldiers made it into the heart of the mother ship where they were overtaken by Xenu’s forces. Xenu was quite vain and had witnessed Spartacus’s dancing after his revolt. Spartacus realized this and challenged Xenu to a dance off. Roughly translated in the Roman tongue as "Dancing With the Military Leaders". The competition was fierce. In the end, Spartacus won by a mere 175 votes out of 25 million votes cast. Xenu was defeated and took off for the stars, vowing to come back to earth for revenge. Which he did. Fairly recently. Just look at Tom Cruise and John Travolta. Great entertainers, horrible human beings. I could get into how Spartacus hate helped harness alien technology and took off into the stars after Xenu but that’s a whole other story. [Meanwhile, not too far away, a pair of well dressed gentlemen are watching this speech: "The Doomsayer" Kyle Lee and "The Disgruntled Postal Worker" James Hardi.] KL: Seeing this, I'm fairly positive that this is why the world hates America. DPW: Yep [Lee and Hardi start to walk and quickly gain Vengeance's attention. All those who listened to the speech scatter like roaches.] KL: Vengeance, do you want to tell me which one of your idiot helper monkeys pulled the fire alarm? Vengeance: How dare you! I had a really good speech going on. Where’s the justice? Why do you ALWAYS suspect me? I’ve been here the entire time and hardly ever cause minor problems. KL: Why do I suspect you? You're drawn to fire like a fireman. It's in your nature. Vengeance: Firemen aren’t drawn to fire. The fire preys on their HATE of having materialistic items destroyed. It’s nature! KL: You know what, never mind. There are bigger issues at hand. For instance, you getting the MBC kicked out of Dallas. And at this point, most of the continental United States. Vengeance: Oklahoma isn't a state! And let us not forget that Wyoming once tried to secede from the union! KL: What I want is an apology, Vengeance. An authentic, sincere apology. If you do that, then just maybe we can go home. Vengeance: [honest dumbfounded look] I’m not following. What do you want me to apologize for? JH: For costing the MBC a reliable home in a top 10 market. We’re a wandering band of gypsies now, you walking herpe. Vengeance: [shrugging shoulders] I’m still lost here. You want me to apologize for a bunch of rednecks banishing the MBC? This is- I’m sorry, can you clarify a bit further? KL: Vengeance, I would speak in your own language but I don't have a pile of my own feces to toss. [Lee then rubs the bridge of his nose.] KL: We'll speak slowly and simply so you can understand. Boflex. Fire. Tent. Dallas. EXILED! Vengeance: Nothing. Can you be more specific? Focus on the details. [Lee turns to Hardi.] KL: Remind me, did I ever apply for a concealed handgun license? DPW: Yes, but we're not in Texas. KL: Damnit. Vengeance: WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM. I've had it up to my extended gonads with you! Since you won't take this seriously I will! You. Me. In the most brutal, vile, despicable match conceived. A match banned in 28 countries. I'm taking you to the hoop Lee! KL: Just name the time and place and I'm there. Vengeance: Wait, you don't even want to know what kind of match it is? KL: Only thing I need to know is that it's legal to beat you into 3 stages of unconsciousness. Vengeance: There will be no escape. There will be no justice. There will only be the inhuman, barbaric, degrading hell of the- [Lee and Hardi begin to walk off] Vengeance: Hey! Get back here! I'm still pontificating! [Alas, they keep walking.] Vengeance: Fine. FINE! [Vengeance returns to the children.] Vengeance: Where was I... ah yes. Spartacus. Now he was a dancing fool. [Suddenly two men dressed in trench coats suddenly show up.] Man #1: Excuse me, we're getting reports of a "Spartacus". Man #2: Who here is "Spartacus" [Vengeance stands straight and prepares to speak but...] Child #1: I'm Spartacus. Child #2: I'm Spartacus. Child #3: No, I'M Spartacus. [The two men in trench coats look at one another and reach for something... badges.] Man #1: We're mall security. [The children all then point to Vengeance.] Children: HE'S SPARTACUS! Vengeance: TRAITORS! ALL OF YOU! [Fade.] Pinhead: I can only fathom what sort of match Vengeance has in mind. Slush: Probably involves... I don't know... pope hats. Skullhead: In mass quantities. Pinhead: And Lee for whatever reason agreed to it. Skullhead: I'm sure he has a plan. And hopefully with this plan, he can get an apology out of Vengeance so we can get home to Dallas. Pinhead: I think the further away from Dallas we get, the more MBC employees are going to go native. Skullhead: What makes you say that? Pinhead: You seeing on your monitor what’s on my monitor? Skullhead: Sadly... yes... [Camera fade to what looks like a dank basement, all concrete and bare, hanging light bulbs that still somehow fail to penetrate the gloom of the place. Though this is only TV, you can almost SMELL the sweat and blood and pain in this place. In these murky shadows, a couple dozen forms -- men and women alike -- wait, obscured in darkness. Into the light cast by one of these bulbs steps Harley Sanders, sporting his bleached-white mohawk, a wife beater, and ripped jeans. He surveys the murmuring crowd, and then holds his two fists out, and together, turning in a slow circle to show everyone the new tattoo spread across his fingers. But instead of the classic "LOVE"/"HATE" tattoos, his fingers read "EXTR"/"EME!" Everyone seems appropriately awed, and a hush falls over the group. Harley drops his fists.] Sanders: Welcome to B.O.B. Club. [The gathered crowd murmurs again. Sanders' mohawk hits the bulb hanging over his head and makes it swing, revealing some of the people around him: Jobrema Suprema, "Dead Boy" Jones, Gary Kobo III, and other, lesser talents.] Sanders: The first rule of B.O.B. Club is you do not talk about B.O.B. Club. [Dramatic pause.] Sanders: The second rule of B.O.B. Club is YOU... [Pause. Sanders frowns.] Sanders: I forget. The third rule of B.O.B. Club is-- Kobo: I think the second rule is that you can wear jeans and Hawaiian shirts on Fridays. Sanders: NO IT ISN'T! Now! The third rule of B.O.B. Club is if someone yells "stop!", goes limp, or taps out, the fight is over. Unless you're fighting Kobo, then you can just keep going until you get tired. Kobo: HEY! Sanders: Fourth rule: only two guys to a fight. Suprema: Ahem. Sanders: Or two women or a guy and a girl or whatever. Fifth rule: one fight at a time, fellas. Ladies. Sixth rule: the fights are bare knuckle. No shirt, no shoes, no weapons. That means you two, ladies. DJ Pezzy: Woohoo! Suprema: Bring it if you think you got it, nerd boy. [A few of the jobbers hoot and holler. Sanders raises his hand to silence them.] Sanders: Seventh rule: fights will go on as long as they have to. And the eighth and final rule: if this is your first time at B.O.B. Club, you have to fight. [The gathered crowd cheers and stomps their feet, claps their hands, and generally makes a racket. Sanders again raises his hand, and when the crowd doesn't die down, he smacks Kobo hard upside the head.] Kobo: HEY! [The crowd laughs and dies down.] Sanders: I've been seeing some new faces around here... which means you've broken the first rule of B.O.B. Club. But that's okay. You newbies step forward. [About ten people step forward -- men and women both, clearly athletic but not up to even Sanders' meager snuff.] Sanders: You know what this is all about, kids? [Pause.] Sanders: This is about respect. This is about earning it instead of having it given to you. This is about becoming worthy of the Hand of Doom. This is about being the most EXTREME you can be. And we're going to kick each other's asses all the way up to SplatterNad, and we need to. YOU KNOW WHY? [Silence from the newbies.] Sanders: Because your asses are made of COOKIE DOUGH! But when we're done with you, you'll be made of wood. Kobo: "Wood." Hee hee. Sanders: Ninth rule of B.O.B. Club: All you newbies kick Gary Kobo's [MEEP] in. [The crowd of ten happily descends on Kobo and starts kicking his ass as Sanders steps fully into frame, speaking directly to the camera.] Sanders: Hi, Becky. You're going to call off your harassment of us. You're going to publicly state that there is no situation with the B.O.B. Or... these guys are going to take your [MEEP]. They're going to send one to the Dallas Morning News, one to the Houston Chronicle, press-release style. Look, the people you are after are the people you depend on. We job your matches, we dance for the crowd, we wear stupid outfits, we wrestle while you sleep. Do not... [MEEP] with us. [Sanders looks back at the savage beating Kobo is taking from the eager new recruits... then back.] Sanders: Got it? Good. [Camera fades out as Sanders turns and runs into the crowd before launching a flying elbow drop on the prone Kobo.] Skullhead: That's a mighty line in the sand they just drew. Pinhead: They've been drawing lines for months now. Slush: Are they the ones who do crop circles? Pinhead: Somehow I doubt that. And we're talking about sand. Slush: We'll they've got to practice in the sand before they do it with corn you know. Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: Yes, I know I said "do it" (Snicker) Pinhead: We'll see how this plays out in the coming weeks I guess. But I hear that the Commish has plans. Skullhead: That she does. Hopefully they'll be revealed soon. [A ten of hearts. A jack of diamonds. A queen of diamonds. A king of clubs. All are cards laid out on a makeshift table. The camera pans back to see The Neon Knights, Jim and Ronald Purcell sitting on crates and playing cards. Jim, who laid down the four cards, has one card left to go. Jim smiles goofily as Ron plays with his beard while looking dead on to his brother.] JP: #Yeah! The only I card I need is...# [And he lays down his last card...] JP: #The ace of spades! The ace of spades!# [Ronald grunts and gently lays his card on the table.] RP: You beat me again. How is it you always beat me at poker? JP: #Know when hold em. Know when to fold em. Know when to walk away...# RP: Yeah, yeah. [Ronald looks at his watch, his impatience obvious now.] RP: Deanna is late. She was supposed to be here about five minutes ago. JP: #Tiiiiiiiiiiiime is on my side. Tiii,,,# RP: Jim, I don't know why Deanna thought it would be a good idea for you to start talking in song lyrics but it's rather annoying. Female Voice: Boys, boys... don't fight. [Jim and Ronald immediately stand as the lovely Deanna Orlofski walks into view. The camera immediately zooms in, taking the Purcell's out of the shot completely. Deanna wears a gorgeously well fit business suit with matching skirt. She seems oh so radiant...] DO: Sorry, I'm late. But I had some last minute details to work out. RP: Do we finally get another match? DO: Yes, you do. [Jim immediately starts fist pumping and goes right back to singing...] JP: #Weeeee are the champions...# DO: Not yet, but you will be in time. RP: We need some matches first. DO: That you do. But between you and me, I think the rest of the league is afraid of you boys. RP: Really? DO: Oh yes. I can see it in their eyes. Trust me on this one. [Jim and Ronald look at each other, not that we can see that since the camera is looking Deanna up and down.] DO: Personally, I became afraid that one of the other boys may try to hurt you two before you even had a chance to take them on. So I hired some security. RP: Security? DO: Only the best for my boys. [A large figure suddenly appears behind Deanna. The camera has no choice but to pan back. We can see Jim and Ron again but the "bodyguard" still isn't fully in view. So the camera goes back again to reveal...] DO: Boys, meet Jonas "Dutch" Elm. [Elm looks at both Ronald and Jim with pure contempt. The Purcells shrink back a bit as the large man growls.] DO: Now get along. We have a photo shoot to go to. RP: We're doing publicity? DO: Well... I am. But still, any exposure is good. [Jim tries to high five Elm but it only seems to make him angry. Quietly, Jim sings to himself...] JP: #Run tooo the hiillls.... run for your liiiiiffe....# [Fade.] Slush: I have a complaint to file. Pinhead: How unusual. Slush: Now that I'm straight again, I'm catching up on my internet browsing. Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: That's right my porn. Pinhead: We don't need to hear this. Slush: There is a total lack of Orlofski presence on the internet. Skullhead: That is unusual. She's the type that would market anything and everything to get herself and boys more exposure. Slush: She definitely needs more exposure. Pinhead: Maybe she's trying to get the Neon Knights more coverage instead of making everybody focus on her. Slush: ... Skullhead: ... Tinkle: ... Pinhead: You too Skullhead? You're going to lay out on me? That's cold. Skullhead: It was there. I had to take it. Slush: And speaking of the internet, I found this new great thing. Pinhead: The refresh button? Skullhead: The volume knob? Tinkle: MEEP! Slush: Twitter. Pinhead: Oh dear God. Slush: That's right bitches. I'm on twitter. Search for SlushMBC. Pinhead: The internet is truly a godless hellhole. Tinkle: MEEP! Skullhead: The Death Cycle has already given us some unforgettable matches and moments, and tonight's ladder match is probably going to add to the list. Slush: Seeing the same guys week after week like this can get pretty boring. That's why I don't visit the same strip club more than once. Pinhead: True, but the restraining orders probably help with that. Slush: I was told once a file is sealed, it's... hey, what the [MEEP] do you want? [The 'you' in question is the MBC World Champion, who has come back to ringside after his match. Landis grins and slaps his nemesis on the back.] TL: I'm feeling a little peppy tonight, any of you guys mind if I sit in here and do a little scouting for Titus? He's got the next pay-per-view title shot, and what kind of a champion would I be if I didn't pay attention to the kid's accomplishments? Skullhead: I've got no problem with it. Pinhead: Welcome aboard. Slush: ... TL: Well, big guy? Is that a thumbs up? Slush: ... Pinhead: I think you broke him. Again. [Slush sighs deeply, and leans forward in his seat. Rubbing his temples, he lets out another deep sigh and then reaches down underneath his chair. He pulls out a small leather-bound book.] Pinhead: Where the hell did that come from? Did you have that velcro'ed under your seat? [Slush hands Landis a folded up piece of paper from the inside cover of the book, staring ahead blankly as he does.] TL: What's this? [reading] Dear sir, as I write this letter I realize some day in the future you may attempt direct communication with me. And with the ever-growing chasm of hostile feelings between us, I warn you one time, and one time only that one language is not big enough for the both of us. Thus, commencing with my next sentence, I will be communicating through a special Landis-To-English Dictionary. [looks at Pinhead] Is he serious? Pinhead: As an STD. Which coincidentally is named after him. TL: Slush, seriously man. I didn't realize it was _so_ bad between us that you'd actually resort to this. Slush: Did I fall asleep? TL: Excuse me? Slush: Yes. Yes, this is a fertile land, and we will thrive. We will rule over all this land, and we will call it... "This Land." I think we should call it "your grave!" Ah, curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal! Ha ha ... Skullhead: _ANYWAYS_. Match number five in the death cycle is coming up in just moments. We've already seen Titus and Crawford engage in a first blood match, a falls count anywhere match and a Froinlaven Death match. Now we're upping the stakes, quite literally, with a ladder match. Slush: Do you wanna see Connor do something cool? I'm teaching him how to die! [The camera cuts to the back where Billy "Scud" McKenzie stands with Stan Crawford. Crawford sports two black eyes, and both his forearm and ankle are wrapped. Crawford's wearing a Cleveland Indians Jersey and a pair of wrestling tights.] Billy "Scud" McKenzie: I'm here with Stan Crawford as he prepares to face Jerry Titus in yet another match in the Death Cycle. Stan, how are you doing? Stan Crawford: Well, I got the hell beaten out of me a few weeks back. I was in the hospital for a few days, but I'm fine now. I just want my belt back. That's all I've been thinking about BSM: Let's talk about that, Stan. You're not 100 percent. How do you expect to get the belt back into your hands when you're clearly injured? SC: Don't give me any excuses, Billy. Jerry's just as beat up as me. It's been a hard series, and we both received a pretty severe beating from the Hand of Doom at the end there. BSM: What about that beating? SC: I'll deal with them later. I'm glad it happened, though. I hope it made Jerry see that he's got to go 100 percent all the time. No mercy. There's always somebody who's going to try to take you out, and you need to be ready for them. I will tell you this: there are some in the Hand of Doom that are terrified now. They've poked the bear with the stick, and they realize that, eventually, I'll be coming for them. BSM: Anything to say to Jerry? SC: I taught you everything you know, Jerry. You've got that killer instinct now that 2x4 is over. My methods rubbed off on you. I'm proud. I can't wait to get in the ring again with you. I've been sitting around thinking about how I want my belt back. I've been sitting around thinking about what you're going to come at me with this time, and how I'm going to react, and how all the people out there are going to react. It's going to be fun. Three matches left, Jerry! Let's make them all count! Give me my belt back! [Camera fades.] ______________________________________________________ /_ __/ __ )_ __/ DEATH CYCLE V of VII: LADDER MATCH / / / __ |/ / FOR THE SBC CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE / / / /_/ // / JERRY "PURE POWER" TITUS © versus /_/ /_____//_/ "THE SHOTGUN" STAN CRAWFORD | |____________________________________Writer: Mike Beeby [As each man made his way out to the ring, it was fairly obvious to anyone watching that neither was at 100% percent. Crawford in particular seemed to be hurting as he approached the ring, compared to the younger and more healthy Jerry Titus. Above the ring hung the SBC title belt, which both men gazed up at as they set foot between the ropes.] TL: I know the Death Cycle is, in itself, a major honor to compete in, but when you add that title to the mix it's taken this series of matches to another level entirely. Skullhead: Historically the title has been a hot commodity, and they've already swapped it back and forth in this death cycle. TL: Crawford owned that title for years, now Titus has had a couple of tastes of it, and the only other guy who's had possession of it since late 2001 is yours truly. It's incredibly tough to get a hold of, and even tougher to hang onto. Slush: You should never hurt the feelings of a brutal killer. You know, that's, uh, that's actually some pretty good advice. [Crawford walked to the middle of the ring, eyeing Titus who joined him after a few seconds. The referee checked each man over for weapons and then with a small roar of the crowd, waved his hand to the timekeeper.] Skullhead: The referee calls for the bell, and there we go! Titus and Crawford slugging it out! Slush: He's lying. Hit him! You're my Slayer, go knock his teeth down his throat! [Titus buried a knee into Crawford's stomach and quickly tried to toss him out of the ring, but the wily veteran reversed it and sent Titus to the floor instead where the first ladder came into play, as Jerry sidestepped a Crawford lunging tackle from the apron and sent him into the ladder set up in the aisleway. Titus proceeded to grab the ladder and batter Stan in the stomach before attempting to sandwich him between the ladder and post, but the former SBC Champion got out of the way just in time and a loud CRACK~! rang out in the arena. Stan threw himself at Jerry and both men toppled into the crowd as a result. Coming up with punches swinging, it was Stan Crawford who regained control of the match and after an obliging fan held his chair up to bash Jerry's skull into it, the younger wrestler was dumped back over the barrier, Stan following to the cheers of the crowd.] Pinhead: Looked like Jerry was going to get an easy win here, but now Crawford's got his engine revving. TL: Crawford's also got more mileage on his body though. A quick win here is his best bet. Slush: Oh and also? I can kill you with my brain. TL: Maybe, but the Omen has repeatedly threatened to kill you with his hands. That's a more immediate threat. Slush: That's right, brothers and sisters, the rumors are true. Angel has left the building and I am back. But hey, I'm no different from the next guy. I put my victim's skin on one leg at a time. Pinhead: This sounds a little familiar. [Crawford picked up the discarded ladder and set it in the ring, but then reached under the ring to grab a second ladder, this one he set across the edge of the ring and the barricade. A table came next, propped up against the edge of the elevated ladder. Then lifting Titus up he was able to whip him into the side of it for a makeshift clothesline, and a flapjack followed. But his attempt to put Titus through the table failed, and now Stan headed into the ring for his first attempt at retrieving the belt, but he didn't get very far before Jerry joined him and yanked Crawford down the couple of rungs he'd climbed. Stan hit his foe with a series of punches, but the champion came back with some of his own and then a whip to the ropes saw him try for a boot to the face. Titus caught it however and pounded Stan down with a clothesline, threw HIM into the ropes and hit a powerslam off the rebound to plant the Shotgun into the mat. Looking to his title hanging above the ring Jerry started to climb, but Crawford showed signs of life by sitting up and trying to tip the ladder from its base.] Skullhead: Crawford has gotten the attention of the SBC Champion, and here's Titus climbing back down. TL: That's not a smart move, come on Jerry. [As Crawford rose up he was greeted with a big side slam. Rolling to the floor allowed him to grab yet another ladder, but Titus stepped on it and prevented Stan from using it as a weapon as he slipped back into the ring, and got shot to the nearest corner. But when Jerry attempted to use the newest ladder as a javelin Crawford managed to avoid the blow and when it hung partially out of the ring Stan propelled it back up into Jerry's face, blasting him into semi-consciousness!] Pinhead: Damn! Slush: Thanks for clearing that up, 'cause otherwise we might've thought you were up to no good here at the satanic manhole cover. [Crawford kicked a dazed Titus in the ribs a few times as he set the ladder up across the second rope and wedged into one of the rungs of the more upright ladder. The former champion then started to climb towards the prize, and soon he's within inches of retrieving the title. But Titus prevented him from ending the match with a shot to the upper chest, and then smashed Stan's face into the top of the ladder. The veteran wobbled atop the ladder, and Jerry quickly wrapped his hand around Crawford's throat and as the crowd screamed he delivered a flying chokeslam down off their ladder and atop the second ladder, wedged in between the rungs and ring ropes so that the challenger's body slammed down across it with a sickening thud.] Skullhead: My god! Titus has wiped out Stan Crawford! TL: That's a good way to cause spinal damage there. Absolutely no give on it at all, just metal on bone. Slush: Been more'n a year I had anything twixt my nethers didn't run on batteries. Skullhead: Perhaps the most frightening thing I've ever heard in the business. [Crawford rolled off the ladder to the mat and Titus quickly grabbed it, unhooking it from the upright ladder to set it up right beside. The second generation wrestler brought Crawford back to his feet and abused him with a headbutt, softened him up for a backbreaker and hit it hard. Titus headed to the outside and grabbed the errant table, unfolding it and laying it out right in front of the announce position.] TL: Thanks Jerry, that's just what we needed. Slush: You hurt me, I hurt you. I'm just a little more efficient. As Stan rolled onto his stomach, trying to work through the pain, Jerry began his climb anew. He didn't get very far as Crawford reached up and yanked him down, only to get hit with a belly-to-belly suplex!] Skullhead: This match is quickly becoming a nightmare for the Shotgun, as Jerry Titus is beginning to get into a rhythm in this ladder match. TL: Which is why it was important for Stan to try and get an early win. This is gonna test him to see if he's still got that extra gear to shift into. Slush: There are three flowers in a vase. The third flower is green. Pinhead: Somehow I don't think that's going to work in this instance... [And Crawford suddenly grabbed Titus by the waist, taking him off the ladder and walked forward a couple of steps. After readjusting his grip, he was off, across the ring into a run...] Pinhead: ...Slush. I'll be damned. Slush: There are three flowers in a vase. The third flower is yellow. Skullhead: STAN CRAWFORD WITH THE PURELY POWERFUL! Pinhead: That had to be payback for using the 12 Gauge against him at the PPV! But unlike there, it didn't end the match! TL: That was damned impressive though, Stan didn't seem like he had anything left in the tank. Slush: I will know your blood, Slayer. I will make your neck my chalice, and drink deep. Pinhead: I _KNEW_ those sounded familiar. Slush isn't speaking in tongues, he's just reading quotes from the- Skullhead: Whedonverse, yes. We all came to that conclusion, Pinhead. TL: Whedon-what? [Crawford got up first, as Titus was left laying after taking his own signature maneuver. Stan placed the second ladder on the mat and set up for what looked to be the 12 Gauge, hoisting a rubber-legged Jerry to his feet. But when he tried to hit it, his back twinged with pain and Stan released his grip. Jerry whirled around and snapped off a gutwrench powerbomb, driving Stan into the mat.] Skullhead: And _AGAIN_ Jerry Titus has an answer for Stan Crawford. I'm beginning to wonder if Crawford will have enough left in him to take the series to the limit. Slush: Mind the hairline. I don't fancy fussing over a comb-over as I resume my killing ways. TL: Was that a British accent? Slush: Ms. Calendar, I'm sure that your computer-science class is fascinating, but I happen to believe that one can function in modern society without being a slave to the idiot box. [The SBC Champion began to climb the ladder in the middle of the ring one more time, but again Crawford fought to climb the other side of the ladder. Joining his opponent at the top Titus headbutted Crawford before delivering more shots into the ribcage, then tried to pitch the entire ladder over. But the Shotgun blocked it with his foot, steadying the ladder as he straddled the top rope. And that's when Titus sprung into action, spearing Crawford and sending both men straight over the top rope... Falling... Falling... Through the table still sitting at ringside! _CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!_] TL: Whoa! Skullhead: This could end the night for both men! Slush: [singing] # The torch I bear is scorching me # # Buffy's laughing, I've no doubt # # I hope she fries # # I'm free if that bitch dies! # # I'd better help her out. # ["HO-LY SHIT! HO-LY SHIT! HO-LY SHIT!" "HO-LY SHIT! HO-LY SHIT! HO-LY SHIT!" "HO-LY SHIT! HO-LY SHIT! HO-LY SHIT!" The always-sympathetic MBC crowd soon roared as Titus staggered back to his feet first, and he slowly returned to the ring and headed once more for the ladder set up under the belt. But a slow climb let a half-dead Crawford stop Titus quickly, even though Jerry easily clubbed Crawford down and hit him with a neckbreaker without any defense.] TL: Stan's just about done, his instinct got him back in there but he had nothing left to avoid that neckbreaker. And Jerry knew it, the glassy eyes betrayed him. Slush: I wanna torture you. I used to love it, and it's been such a long time. I mean, the last time I tortured someone, they didn't even _have_ chainsaws. Pinhead: I say we break his wedge. [Titus grabbed Crawford and dragged him to the middle of the ring, then tried to set the ladder up on top of him to pin him down and get an easy climb up. But Crawford proved to be stronger than expected, tipping the ladder over as Jerry was halfway up, and as a result he got hotshotted on the top rope. Stan struggled to his feet and threw Jerry to the outside apron, but following a shot to the stomach Titus evened the score by flipping him out also. Crawford and Titus brawl on the outside apron, each keeping one hand on the ropes and using the other to bash their opponent. Crawford nailed Titus with a clothesline, trying to flip him back into the ring, but it was Titus who dislodged Stan instead, delivering a NASTY spinebuster slam off the apron and across the ladder that the challenger himself set up early in the match. The force of the spinebuster bent the ladder in the middle, and in the process tore a hole in the side of the ring apron.] TL: Geez, he tore MBC a new one. Pinhead: That's not going to make the commissioner happy. Slush: She's like this cleavagey slutbomb walking around going, 'Ooh, check me out. I'm wicked cool. I'm five-by-five. Skullhead: I will end you. [Both men exhausted by this point, Crawford lay across what remained of the ladder on the outside while Titus picked himself up slowly, rolled into the ring and used the ropes to steady himself. Stan finally began to stir, grabbing Jerry's leg to prevent him from climbing once again. As Crawford received another shot to the face it knocked him backwards, and Titus began to climb the ladder. Stan tried once again to break his opponent's momentum, but his leg became entangled in the rip in the apron. And as he struggled to free himself, still in tremendous pain from his ladder landing, Titus was finally able to climb unabated and with a final push grabbed the SBC title and ripped it down from the metal link!] Skullhead: This match is over! Jerry Titus has prevailed here and now leads the Death Cycle three matches to two! Slush: She irons her jeans. She's evil. She has to be destroyed. RING ANNOUNCER: The winner of this match and STIIIIIL SMASH BASH CRUCIFY CHAMPION... JERRY "PURE POWER" TITUS!!! [Titus collapses across the top rung of the ladder as he cradles the SBC title belt, while far down below Stan Crawford finally pulls himself free from the now gaping hole in the ring apron. He lies on the edge of the ring, breathily heavily and squinting his eyes shut from the pain.] TL: What a hell of a match. I'm not sure if I really learned anything about Jerry's technical abilities, but I sure as hell learned a few things about his desire and will to win. Slush: Damn it! You know what? I'm sick of this crap. I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects, and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt-monkey. TL: Alright, was that Whedon-Slush or is he back to being regular Slush? Pinhead: I think we're long past the point of the regular Slush returning. Slush: Aw, crap! You mean, killing the Beast really does bring back the sun? I thought that was Angel's retarded fantasy. Skullhead: We're done folks. See you next time on Tuesday Bloody Tuesday. [Fade to sweet merciful black.] |
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Everything I learned about soccer, I learned from Dro. You are to refer to Katie as "The Duchess of Der Basterdmusen" as of June 2014. She'll get angry if you don't. You've been warned. | |
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| Amor | May 16 2009, 06:07 PM Post #3 |
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Vannesa
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Holy crap, there really is a Slush twitter. |
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| MBCKyle | May 21 2009, 02:02 PM Post #4 |
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The Soda Dog Refreshment Squad
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You read the show yet 'dro? |
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Everything I learned about soccer, I learned from Dro. You are to refer to Katie as "The Duchess of Der Basterdmusen" as of June 2014. She'll get angry if you don't. You've been warned. | |
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| texanspaniard | May 21 2009, 03:38 PM Post #5 |
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The Luther Burger
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Haha No I haven't read it yet but I am getting to it! I will get to all! Can't wait to read it! |
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| texanspaniard | Jun 1 2009, 06:27 PM Post #6 |
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The Luther Burger
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FINALLY I read this! Really fun show, lots of storylines are getting really interesting! The build up towards Splatternad is going really great! The Ladder match between Titus and Crawford was NUTS and just a super, super, super fun match! Really rocking show, tons of great quotes, MBC is just always a ton of fun! Really good show! Top 2 Favorite Matches: 01-Death Cycle V of VII: Jerry Titus vs Stan Crawford 02-The Loves vs The New TMK Top 4 Favorite Promos: 01-John Vengeance & Kyle Lee 02-Ryu Osawa & Max Benson 03-B.O.B. Club 04-Neon Knights Top 3 Favorite Moments: 01-Slush On Twitter! 02-MBC Banned From Cleveland?!! 03-Slush Speaks in Whedon-verse! Great Quotes: -Skullhead: True, but they have the Bengals. There's enough misery to go around. -Slush: Ever do the popcorn trick? -Slush: I HATE ALL LANDI LARGE AND SMALL! -Slush: Yes! Friend of a female nature to my son! Take out the treacherous Bitch and the Landis Womb! -Slush: The Landi Bloodline must be stopped! -Pinhead: Slush! Quit doing pelvic thrusts! -Slush: Deal with it furball! My son and his friends are all up in your face! BAM! -JH: That’s a negatory on that, he couldn’t have done it. He’s literally been in the arcade all day. The top 50 scores are all attributed to "HTE" now. He spent 2 hours dueling Georgia Church. -Slush: Yes, I know I said "do it" (Snicker) -Slush: Oh and also? I can kill you with my brain. TL: Maybe, but the Omen has repeatedly threatened to kill you with his hands. That's a more immediate threat. |
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7:20 PM Jul 10