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Kings Of Europe Press Conference Thread; Hear The Coaches, Players and Fans!
Topic Started: May 27 2009, 09:25 AM (1,688 Views)
IANF
Sir Loin
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PARIS -- Defender Aurelien Delph insists that he will bring more than experience to the backline, should he return for the Paris Parrots' upcoming clash with the Rome Legionaires. "We have not cheated well enough before now," declared the 30 year old, speaking at a pre-match press conference, "We have dived, yes, and we have feigned injury, very well. But fundamentally, we have not got our cheating right."

"The basic fouls: the shirt pull, the shorts pull, the hair pull, the nipple tweak," he continued, "these are what our young players need to work on." Delph revealed that coach Jean-Pierre Fanni had set aside extra time in training for the players to practice stealing yards at throw-ins, elbowing in the back at corners, and making comments about their opponent's sexuality, parentage, or genital appearance.

"We know that whoever play dirtiest out of us and the Legionaires. will win," Delph concluded. "I just hope we have a good referee, who let both teams cheat fair and square." The defender ended the interview by tripping his translator and throwing both hands up in the air, claiming that he had never touched him.

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ShaunSindelman
The White Shadow
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When asked about the rumors of London trying to acquire the contract of Madrid's Antonito Balsa, Lion's Coach David Lennon had this to say:

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We don't need damaged goods here in London. The Spaniards can keep that limpy bastard.


On the subject of his decision to sub Bobby Crouch for his regular keeper, Ledley Barry:

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Big mistake. One that I PROMISE won't happen again. I tried to give Crouch a chance but clearly the day called for Ledley instead."


In regards to the two bad calls by the referee....

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The bloody official clearly needs his vision checked. My grammy would've seen those calls a mile away... which makes sense since she's buried over in Nottingham. Irregardless, I will not allow incompetence by the officials to affect the morale of my team. Hugh Beckham and Darron Carrick did their best today and this incident will not change that fact. In conclusion, we look forward to facing the Berlin Brewers next week and promise to dominate them like we would've dominated Bucharest today.... if not for shoddy officiating.


London Lions
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TSWF (Tri-State Wrestling Federation) - Bigger & Bolder Wrestling - http://tristatewrestling.yolasite.com
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texanspaniard
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The Luther Burger
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[Scene opens to the news desk where we see a lovely young lady with blone hair dressed in a blue dress suit.]

Lady: Hello, my name is Emily Matthews and here is the latest from Kings Of Europe!

[Emily adjusts some papers.]

EM: In the game against Berlin Brewers, Majestic Madrid forward Antonito Balsa suffered an injury that put him out of the game. Much speculation has arose over the nature of the injury. Madrid coach Fernando Sanz held this press conference to answer some of the questions regarding Balsa and the match that saw Madrid lose for the first time this season and get knocked off the top spot in the league.

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Reporter: What is the status of Balsa?

Fernando Sanz: Balsa has suffered a slight muscle tear around his knee and the doctors are saying he will miss probably four weeks of play.

Reporter: Will this affect the team?

FS: Of course it affects the team. Balsa has been an opportunity maker for us so far in the first two weeks so having him out of our games will affect us but.. We have to do the best we can and hopefully show good teamwork and climb up the rankings again.

Reporter: Was Balsa's injury the main reason for the loss today?

FS: No! I'm sure it hurt morale quite a bit for the team, Antonito is much beloved amongst our players and our fans. But we should still be able to play without any one player. We just did not make the most of our opportunities and didn't create enough opportunities and they.. Berlin.. They made the most of their opportunity and they won and they deserve it!

Reporter: Is the team down on being knocked off the top of the standings?

FS: Well of course it would be nice to maintain the top spot in the rankings, it's what everyone wants. When the 18 weeks are over, the team with the top spot is the league champion, everyone wants to be the league champion. But this was just week three. There are still fifteen weeks to go so.. I'm sure the top spot will change yet again, probably several times before we get to the end.

Reporter: Next week you face Amsterdam Admirals who also suffered a loss this week. Any thoughts on that game?

FS: Amsterdam has great players and are a tough team. It will be a tough game but we will give it our best effort and ah.. hope for the best!

Reporter: Any thoughts on the Holiday Cup?

FS: The Holiday Cup.. That is still 6 months or so away. I hope we can finish somewhere in the top 8 so we can make the tournament. But right now we are focused on Kings Of Europe, on the league and this season so we will maintain our focus there and we'll worry about the Holiday Cup in the post-season!

[Cuts back to the news desk]

EM: So Majestic Madrid forward Antonito Balsa will be out for 4 weeks with a slight muscle tear around the knee. That's all for KOE news right now. Take care and good bye!
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Picky
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Now let us retreat wench, for tonight, we feast on snobbery...
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The Netherlands coach Mark van der Wiel marched his way into the press room and leaned over to answer questions instead of sitting.

On his team's 1-0 loss to Russia:

"A travesty. The league office has made it abundantly clear that officiating competence is last on their priority list,"

About his team's lackluster effort in the final minutes of play:

"The game was handed to the Russians via inept officials. Why bother even trying when blind idiots are in charge of the game?"

Concerning league fines:

"I generally have my pay cheques made out to the league office because they seem to have a problem with someone pulling away the curtains on their dirty little secrets,"

The game against Madrid:

"Does it really matter? Madrid has shown me nothing in their 3 games and I do not expect that to change. I expect a decent game with atrocious non-calls and indifference from the league. At least Madrid has more in their jocks than Paris,"
Have I told you how much I loathe your continued existence today?

Proud member of the Quote Pyramid Builders Union Local #317
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IANF
Sir Loin
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PARIS -- Immediately after the Paris Parrots' latest 1-4 drubbing against the Rome Legionaires, coach Jean-Pierre Fanni ordered his players back out on to the pitch to play the match again. "If we don't allow opposition supporters into the stadium, I don't see why we have to allow the opposition players in either," he explained. Kings of Europe officials later maintained that all competition matches must involve at least two teams of eleven players each.

Some 40,000 Parrots fans had stayed behind after the defeat, either too drunk or too awash with ennui to realize that the game they paid to watch had finished half an hour earlier. They saw misfiring striker Luisao Costa miss a penalty as Paris lost the replay 1-0, a stray gust of wind sweeping the ball past goalkeeper Fabrice Camus with five minutes to go.

In the post-post-match press conference, Fanni admitted that there were no excuses for the way his team had played, but promised to think up some new ones before next week's visit of Moscow Red Bears.

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Codered
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The Luther Burger
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There was much to celebrate in Rome after the Roma Legionaries won their exhibition game in Paris. The team hadn't made it home as of yet, but quotes from coach Enzo Pozzo was already in the morning paper. "We appreciate the Paris Parrots having us over for some practice before our big game in Dublin next week. Since this is the "Kings" of Europe league we understand it can be frustrating when you aren't at the caliber of being relevant inside the league. After all not everyone can be from Italy."

The arrogant coached continued to give press clippings when asked how he felt being in first place after Madrid lost a heartbreaking game. "We didn't realize we were ever out of first place. We haven't lost a game yet and this shouldn't change."

The phone was then handed over to the Legionaries cool as ice captain, Girogio Zambrotta. When he was informed that Balsa of Madrid will miss four weeks he was quoted. "You have to feel for the kid, but on a bright note he won't get his hopes crushed at the end of the year when the golden boot along with the championship comes to Rome!"

Next week the Legionnaires will travel to Dublin. When Enzo Pozzo was asked if Dublin like Paris would try to keep the loyal Roma fans out he responded. "It's a shame Paris lowered themselves to that level. I mean they couldn't keep the Germans out of two world wars and now they decide they are going to make a stand? Instead of good honest soccer fans getting to watch a game we looked up to see drunk fans off wine making out. It's a shame really. We can only hope the Dublin fans don't follow such a poor display of sportsmanship. Then again we don't expect the outcome to be much different."
PVW Website: www.pvwrestling.net
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orklad
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Death Kilt, leader of the Hooligans following their beloved Horde in Dublin was scheduled for an interview with BBC 2...the following is all that made it to air.

"We showed those [BLEEP]ing wankers that we [BLEEP BLEEP BLEEEEEEEP BLEEP], an' there ain't no [BLEEEEP BLEEP BLEEEEP BLEEP BLEEP] about it.

An' you can stick that in yer [BLEEP]."

Death Kilt then headbutted the reporter, setting off yet another of the fine riots that the Horde has come to know and love...

Orklad

or

Don, Lord of Pudding
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IANF
Sir Loin
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PARIS -- Leading scorer Josue Melo has revealed that he only wants to play for the Parrots until he finishes training to be a philosopher. "In Brazil, we know there are three ways to make your way out of the slum: drugs, football, and philosophy," the 22 year old said. "Everyone thinks we learn about football by playing barefoot in the street, but in fact we are sat down at a young age, given a collection of writings by the Presocratics, and we reflect on what this can teach us about the game."

With three goals in his last two games, Josue's form has been one of the few plus points in an otherwise dismal season for the Parrots. He explains that he chose to take up a contract with Paris so that he could "pursue the same kind of education as Derrida and Foucault." He added, "My brother went to Berlin, which suits him: he's more of a Heideggerian."

When asked if his being a poststructuralist ever comes into conflict with his being a professional footballer, the Brazillian replied, "Sometimes the boss points to his chalkboard and tells me, 'Josue, you play centre-forward', and I have to say, 'Boss, there is nothing outside the text! Centre-forward, right-forward, left-forward -- these are just signifiers lacking a signified!' But then the boss throws his copy of Plato's Republic at me and tells me to go and play."

Following a question about the Parrots' upcoming match with Moscow Red Bears, Josue apologized and ended the interview, explaining that he had to finish a paper on the theory of desire in Deleuze's Anti-Oedipus, due in on Monday.


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texanspaniard
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The Luther Burger
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[We cut to a news desk where we see Paul Jeffries sitting and ready with news?!]

PJ: Good Evening Ladies and Gentlemen. I'm Paul Jeffries and I'm here with Breaking News regarding Kings OF Europe! KOE had 3 weeks of action and then went quiet without much warning! Apparently problems arose between networks, sponsors and promoters and led to a temporary halt of play in Kings Of Europe! But we have been told that on September 9th Kings Of Europe will RESUME! That's right, September 9th, KOE will return and pick up with week 4 schedule!

[Jeffries adjusts his papers.]

PJ: We also understand that the KOE Holiday Cup will take place pretty much the week after KOE regular season ends to meet the original schedule! Big news for sure! KOE coming back in September and the Holiday Cup happening right after the season ends in 2nd half of December. All exciting news! Thanks for watching and we're sure to have more news and comments leading up to the continuation of KOE play in September. This is Paul Jeffries have a very good evening!

[Scene fades.]
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