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| S.W.A.T. Zombies | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jul 26 2009, 12:40 PM (351 Views) | |
| Vile Side | Jul 26 2009, 12:40 PM Post #1 |
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Keith
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S.W.A.T. Backyards latest opus... taken from: http://z7.invisionfree.com/S_W_A_T/index.php?showforum=127 When we last watched a S.W.A.T. Backyard show, VVV awarded himself the SWAT Australia championship, pissing off Tanner who promptly cost Viper the TWINSTAR titles to rookie sensation LEFT Tentacle and his mysteriously bland mentor Jonathan Smith. As a result of Vile’s loss, reality collapsed, and the universe ended. Keeping that in mind, why the HELL did I receive another SWAT show in the mail today? No longer in a backyard, this S.W.A.T. Backyard show is taking place inside the staples center. With a packed house of a legit 20,000 people in attendance... reality really must have collapsed in on itself. How did this happen? How does a backyard fed, sell out a major arena? Backstage, the same ragtag troupe of Backyard “stars” play cards, eat diner, and shoot the shit, trying not to let their nerves get to them. There are more fans in attendance tonight, than many of them have seen in their entire careers. Vile “Vince” Viper: Good luck tonight. The king of snakes exits through the stage curtains, out into the arena. Fireworks can be heard. Handy Andy and HERBICIDE are having arguments with some teamsters over whether they can ply their trade in the staples center. Handy Andy & HERBICIDE feel they should, while the Teamsters are of the opposite opinion. The Hardcore Hero helps the Human Guinea Pig duct tape up a few more massive wounds on his costume. YEAH Boyz are putting dog shit in a few of the other stars travel bags. Fucking YEAH Boyz. Jonathan Smith is teaching LEFT Tentacle a few more moves, while Audrey 2 watches their former member with jealous eyes. Six Demon Bag compares war wounds with “Haemophiliac” Bill Johnson, and Brian Calypso entertains the kids with road stories. “Sexy Cowboy” Sirius Man pokes his head out through the curtain. “Handsome” Henry: I wouldn’t do that. Sirius Man: You’re telling me you don’t want to watch this? “Handsome” Henry: I know how it ends. I’d cut it out, if Vile sees you, heads will roll. WereElephant: There sure are a lot of assholes trying to slap hands, only to cough on you. Lot of sick looking people in the crowd. Kind of disgusting. Jonathan Smith: Get used to it. The camera pushes through the curtains, to find what’s drawing the massive crowd. An enclosed cage surrounds the ring; in it “Arizona Assassin” Adrian Tanner Jr. and Vile “Vince” Viper slowly circle each other. HELL IN A CELL TABLES MATCH S.W.A.T. Australia Heavyweight Title Vile “Vince” Viper <c> vs. “Arizona Assassin” Adrian Tanner Jr. The final insult. Vile was thrust upon SWAT Northeast with the promise of the first one on one encounter with Adrian Tanner... then runs it in his own shitty region, to fuck them over? S.W.A.T. management must be pissed! I know I’d be. What an asshole. The two men lock-up, when S.W.A.T. Northeast’s show is suddenly saved... or destroyed... your call... as Adrian Tanner BITES Vile “Vince” Viper. Vile wails in agony. The crowd is a little taken aback. That’s out of character. Tanner continues biting... drawing blood! Realizing something is wrong, the referee opens the cage... the referee reaches down, trying to pull Adrian Tanner off... only to have Tanner pounce on the referee. The boys come through the curtain, running towards the ring. Adrian Tanner rips the referee’s throat out. S.W.A.T. BACKYARD Presents S.W.A.T. Z O M B I E S ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Zombie Adrian Tanner Jr. turns from the quivering referee Dandy Johnson to the heavily bleeding Vile “Vince” Viper. “Handsome” Henry is the first through the cage, showing uncharacteristic heroics in yanking Adrian Tanner off his mentor. A dozen guys follow Henry’s blind charge into the cage, but are taken aback as Tanner bites Henry’s hand. Fighting through the shock and pain, Henry shoves Zombie Adrian Tanner back into the cage... then forces him out through the cage. A few of the coughing asshole fans stumble over the guardrail, cutting half the roster off as it makes its way down the aisle. The unlucky stragglers start to back peddle but find themselves cut off by another group of stumbling sickly asshole fans. Bumping into one sickly assholes, Uncle Son of Sam loses his giant hat. Reaching down to pick it up, Uncle Son of Sam leaves himself open to having his brains eaten. What the fuck!? Not good in stress situations, Edgar Caspian and Jake Harris dive out of the way, as “Handsome” Henry drags Zombie Adrian Tanner out of the cage. Zombie Referee Dandy Johnson jumps on WereElephant’s back, biting the pachyderm’s neck. WereElephant falls backwards into the cage, stampeding around the ring, knocking over tables as he tries to shake Zombie Dandy off of him. “Sexy Cowboy” Sirius Man tries to yank Dandy Johnson off, only to get dragged out of the cage by the stampeding WereElephant. Sickly asshole fans (probably zombies) tear Franken Berry apart. Revenge for turning one’s urine pink? That’s between you and General Mills. Towards the back of the pack, Kid Old Man Jenkins and Upper Mouth (Audrey 2) try to race around some asshole fans, when they’re confronted by some of their own. Kid Old Man Jenkins & Upper Mouth vs. ZOMBIE Uncle Son of Sam & ZOMBIE Bad Boy KOMJ’s brings his rake down on Zombie Bad Boy’s head... again... and again... not having much luck destroying the brain. ZOMBIE Uncle Son of Sam yanks Old Man Jenkin’s eyes out. Holding his brains in place, Zombie Bad Boy staggers back into the guardrail, then dives forwards, biting Upper Mouth. Upper Mouth tries to kick ZOMBIE Bad Boy off, only to get swarmed by some more asshole fans. A blinded Kid Old Man Jenkins staggers into another asshole fan looking for help, only to have his fingers bitten off. Jenkins and Upper Mouth are torn to pieces. “Handsome” Henry throws ZOMBIE Adrian Tanner Jr. over the guardrail, then turns to enter the cage. ZOMBIE Tanner dives off the guardrail, jumping on top of Henry... Caspian reaches out to help his friend, just in time to be splashed with gore as Tanner feasts on the Jisatsu champion’s brains. ZOMBIE WereElephant throws ZOMBIE Dandy Johnson into the cage, before tearing Sirius Man in half. Reaching through the cage, Brian Calypso grabs some keys out of Dandy Johnson’s pocket, then heads over to the door. A blood drenched zombie Adrian Tanner Jr. starts to crawl towards the cage. Calypso fumbles around with the keys, trying to find the right one for the padlock. Six Demon Bag rises... his head torn half off... if he looked intimidating before, the big man is twice as scary now. Calypso looks around... is there NO ONE LEFT? HERBICIDE & Hardcore Hero vs. Zombie Goliath, Zombie Upper Mouth, Zombie RIGHT Tentacle, Zombie Tree, Zombie Chris Templeton and Zombie Regan McNeil Pulling out two nail guns, Hardcore Hero shoots ZOMBIE Tree through the head. Zombie Chris Templeton lunges at him, so HERO nails Templeton’s feet to the floor. More nails following, knocking back Zombie Goliath. Then the motor starts. HERBICIDE runs down the aisle with an upturned lawnmower, hacking up zombies, zombie fans, and zombie wrestlers alike. This actually manages to make a nice path down the aisle for Hardcore Hero and himself. The Giant Zombie Goliath grabs HERBICIDE by the throat, so the alien gardener leans on the mower... chopping Zombie Goliath to pieces. Climbing on top of the giant, HERBICIDE places the lawnmower on Goliath’s head... gore splashing everywhere. It takes awhile to cut through the big man, allowing the rest of the zombies to move in for the kill. Hardcore Hero stands next to the gardener... shooting nails to keep the zombies at bay. Zombie Regan McNeil takes one right through the eye... doesn’t stop her vomiting. Zombie Kid Uncle Son of Sam starts to claw at Hardcore Hero’s leg... Hero shoots down... and is out of nails. The horde of zombies moves in... HERBICIDE brings the lawnmower up just in time to hack RIGHT Tentacle’s arm off... but it’s too late. Swarmed, the two men are ripped limb from limb. From safety, Handy Andy lets out a scream as he sees his new found friend disappear into the mob. As the last screams fade away, Brian Calypso pad locks the cage door shut... seconds before Zombie Adrian Tanner Jr. dives at him. Lower Mouth pulls Brian Calypso back, just as Tanner goes for his arm. A dozen men stand around the ring... a flimsy steel cage standing between them and 20,000 zombies. Some close friends mixed in with the asshole fans. ZOMBIE WereElephant joins ZOMBIE Adrian Tanner in hammering the cage door, trying to force themselves in. Pulling a crowbar out from under the mat, Brian Calypso starts to knock their hands away, swinging again and again... breaking off a few fingers in the processes. WereElephant looks up then starts SPEWING BLOOD out of his long trunk. Grabbing a table, Brian Calypso holds it up, trying to block the flow of blood. Joining him, Edgar Caspian pulls out another table, propping it up between Calypso’s table, and the ringpost... trying to wedge them in place. Handy Andy comes over with another table and his tools, hammering away at it. In the ring Cher Nobyl checks on a blood drenched Viper, trying to apply pressure to his wound. Also seated in the ring, “Haemophiliac” Bill Johnson desperate applies pressure to a scratch on his hand. Lifting up the mat cover, Jonathan Smith pulls a few more tables out from under the ring, handing them to LEFT Tentacle as he grabs more. Jonathan Smith is startled by movement... then angered. Jonathan Smith: What the!? ...We could use a little help out here. Spud Boy: FUCK YOU! This is our hiding spot! Finding the zombies drawn to movement, Spud Boy pulls the flap back down to obscure his presence. Hiding under the ring with the always unpleasant Farmer Vincent (MOTEL HELL), and unusually docile Human Guinea Pig. Jonathan Smith: You learn a lot about people in high pressure situations. Lower Mouth: Spud Boy was always an asshole. Reuniting with the former Audrey 2 member, Lower Mouth holds up another table for LEFT Tentacle to hammer into place. Edgar Caspian starts to slide tables into the ring, where Brian Calypso has started propping them up against the ropes, using duct tape to make a makeshift fort in the middle of the ring. Zombie Six Demon Bag joins Zombie WereElephant, Zombie Tanner, and the majority of ZOMBIE Audrey 2 in hammering against the cage. More and more audience members are rising from their seats, and graves, dragging entrails along with them... as they move towards the cage. As secure as its going to get, Handy Andy and Edgar Caspian join the others inside the ring, covering their tracks with tables as to not further agitate the army of zombies. Handy Andy: ...well. Edgar Caspian: ... Brian Calypso: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!? Vile “Vince” Viper <coughing up blood>: I... i... always warned tanner to hit the showers after matches... damned... <cough> biohazard. Now you’re stuck with the <cough> undead. “Haemophiliac” Bill Johnson: You’re not saying those people are zombies! “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” “BR-AINS!” Cher Nobyl: Nothing to worry about. If you have 20,000 people acting like that, you wind up with press coverage... and the army. The army will come! We just have to wait it out... “No Gimmicks Needed” Jonathan Smith seems visibly upset at talk of media covering this event. LEFT Tentacle: What’s with you John? Whenever someone takes a picture, or cameras are around, you get all sky... like you don’t want to be seen. Jonathan Smith: I have my reasons. Brian Calypso: Yeah... you’re a good wrestler, moving on in years... you’ve probably been wrestling for a decade. But I can’t remember you for the life of me. You’re like just like a few hundred other wrestlers, that appear on all these shows... and no one can remember. No offense. Jonathan Smith: None taken. Brian Calypso: But you have the skills necessary to break out... you just need to draw attention. So why don’t you? Why are you vicariously living through LEFT Tentacle, when you should be in the spotlight? Jonathan Smith: ...I...really don’t want the attention. I make a nice living being just like everyone else. I don’t like rocking the boat. I can work a few more shows without any fan service if no one remembers who I am. My name doesn’t get out there... make a decent living or two... support my family... or two... you see, I’m a Bigamist. It pays to blend into the crowd. Don’t want one of my wives finding out about one of my dozen other names. The S.W.A.T. Backyard survivors get quiet, a few shifting away from Smith. LEFT Tentacle wonders if he’d taken advice from Smith if he’d known about his sleazy personal life. Jonathan Smith: Once Louise saw a picture of me in the paper, under the name Jeremy Burton... I had to explain that was just my wrestling name. That can be stressful. And I can’t use the wrestling excuse with Martha; she thinks I sell vacuum cleaners. LEFT Tentacle: How many wives do you have? “Bigamist” Jonathan Smith starts to pull out his wallet to show off all his children then stops, taking in all the disgusted gazes. Cringing, Smith puts the wallet away, and turns his back to the rest of them. Screw them. He loves all his families equally. Edgar Caspian <catch phrase>: ...That’s no way to treat a lady. Lower Mouth <muttering>: Some guys have all the luck. I don’t even have a girlfriend... shit. LEFT Tentacle <sneering at Lower mouth>: Why the _FUCK_ do you always act like that? Why do you always have to act so jealous? Lower Mouth: What the hell are you on about? LEFT Tentacle: Like the way you guys turned on me when I won the title... Lower Mouth: HEY, we got you to the finals... you didn’t win that belt on your own. And the moment you do win it, you’re too good to defend with us? We were... we ARE happy for you, but straight up, go fuck yourself. You turned on US, asshole. LEFT Tentacle: ...I...didn’t...I didn’t mean to. Bill Johnson stares out through a crack in the tables. “Haemophiliac” Bill Johnson: HEY... there’s someone still... Feral Boy is still alive! Brian Calypso: What... he’s eating people too! Spud Boy <under canvas>: He always eats people. He’ll eat anything. He’s a Feral child. Brian Calypso: Well, we need to get him in here! Edgar Caspian: The kid seems to be doing alright out there in the open... if anything; us drawing attention to him could put the creature’s life in danger. Brain Calypso: Damn it. Oblivious to army of the undead amassed throughout the arena; Cecil Kennedy walks around ghoul after ghoul... eventually reaching Zombie Adrian Tanner Jr. Cecil pats his NEXTWAVE partner on the shoulder... only to have ZOMBIE Tanner turn on him, ripping Cecil’s throat out. Handy Andy: Herbicide was apprenticing under me... we had plans to build a tree house. I’m going to miss him. That tree house was going to be fucking sweet. Edgar Caspian <trying to raise his spirits>: ...Maybe we can all go there when we get out of here. Handy Andy: No. The Perfect Gentleman starts to whimper. Lurching forwards Lower Mouth starts to strangle Handy Andy, Brian Calypso tries to pull him off, but the tables overhead make it awkward to move. Handy Andy turns blue, not for want of milfs which he gets all the time, but the lack of oxygen. Lower Mouth: THAT WOMAN IN YOUR LAST VIDEO... Handy Andy: Quite the <cough> looker... Lower Mouth: WAS MY MOTHER!!! The two men roll around, as they jockey for the top position. As Handy Andy shoves Lower Mouth off of him, the mouth pushes up through one of their tables. Looking outside the fort, we now see zombies crawling around the top of the cage... pulling each other apart. At the sight of Lower Mouth, the zombies start pushing their arms through holes in the cage, desperately trying to get in for more brains. There are a lot of them. Lower Mouth ducks down just in time to get kicked in the jaw by Handy Andy. Under the ring, the crazed eyes of Farmer Vincent (movie monster from Motel Hell) start darting around. Farmer Vincent: There’s too many people in the world and not enough food. This takes care of both problems at the same time. Spud Boy: Yeah... are you sure you wouldn’t rather hang out in the bunker above us? I have enough problems with the undead, without your creepy old ass goin’ crazy on me. Farmer Vincent: Look at those shuffling hypocrites! ...And... and I’m the biggest hypocrite of them all, My meats... I used preservatives! Spud Boy: ...Why do I always get stuck with the losers? I don’t like your chances of survival. Same goes for you! Spud Boy turns to the quiet Human Guinea Pig. God that kid is quiet. It’s kind of annoying. Getting frustrated Spud Boy reaches over, and slaps Human Guinea Pig across the back of his mask. The head of the furry costume falls off. Underneath the wrestler who plays Human Guinea Pig looks awfully pale... his eyes are glazed over... blood drips from his mouth. How long has he been a zombie? How did they NOT noticed that? ZOMBIE Human Guinea Pig lunges forwards, biting Spud Boy’s throat. Spud Boy: JESUS CHRIST... HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! Farmer Vincent: Meat’s meat... and a man’s gotta eat! As Spud Boy’s legs stop jerking, The ZOMBIE Human Guinea Pig turns on Farmer Vincent, digging into the old cannibal’s gut. Vincent starts screaming, but as the zombie keeps chewing through his lower intestine, it turns into a laugh. Farmer Vincent: It takes all kinds of critters to make Farmer Vincent’s fritters! Most of the wrestlers in the ring, ignore the screams coming from under the ring, as they pry Lower Mouth off of Handy Andy. Lower Mouth continues to kick like a rabid dog, but the stronger Brian Calypso holds him back. Brian Calypso: It’s not worth it! Handy Andy: SHE REALLY WASN’T!!! Cher Nobyl: Oh shit... hang on Vile! The SWAT Backyard promoter starts to cough up blood. Lower Mouth kicks Handy Andy a few more times, before Brian Calypso can drags him back. Mouth finally goes slack, just as Calypso pulls hard... causing both men to fall through one of the tables, out to ringside. Brian Calypso: Now I mean it... the only way we’re going to get through this is if we-----ARGH! Back landing against the cage, a dozen zombie wrestling arms reach through the steel rungs to grab Calypso. Handy Andy pulls away from a few of the zombies grasps... turning to see ZOMBIE Six Demon Bag push his bulbous head through the cage, biting Calypso’s head. The arms then start to pull Calypso apart, disembowelling him. Handy Andy reaches out to pull Calypso away... but it’s too late. Edgar Caspian: You’re getting them excited... get back here! Handy Andy dives back into the ring... trying to put pieces of the table he just broke up, to obscure their vision. It’s hard to piece together. Just as Handy Andy feels happy with the makeshift construct, ZOMBIE Human Guinea Pig bursts through the canvas. Handy Andy tries to pull back, but the costumed zombie wastes little time reaching up... and gutting the SWAT Handyman. Grabbing Handy Andy’s hammer, “Bigamist” Jonathan Smith brings it down on Human Guinea Pig’s head... again and again... knocking out teeth before they can break skin. Knocking out an glazed eye looking for an easy meal. Knocking out brains... and more brains. Until Human Guinea Pig falls back into the hole in the canvas he came out of. Jonathan Smith: ...phew. Zombie Human Guinea Pig jumps back up again... Jonathan Smith again brings the hammer down on Guinea Pig’s head... this knocks out enough brains to kill the wrestling rodent for a second time. Bill Johnson is almost passing out from lack of blood. Edgar Caspian: ...Is it that bad? Bill Johnson <hacking cough>: I’ve had worse. Edgar Caspian: Why do you do it? Given your condition... this isn’t a smart sport to be in. Bill Johnson <deathly pale>: ...I’ve spent too much of my life playing it safe. I can do anything. If I’m better than the other guy, I’m not going to get cut... I’m not going to bleed. Edgar Caspian: Fair enough. ...Oh... Bill Johnson: What? Edgar Caspian <striking pose>: ...Now that... THAT... The camera pans over to find Zombie Vile “Vince” Viper feasting on Cher Nobyl. It then pans back to a horrified Perfect Gentleman, who still has enough wits about him, to fire off that infamous catchphrase. Edgar Caspian: THAT is NO WAY to treat a lady! Table based fort explodes, as Zombie VVV stands up through half of them, the other half fall over, as the remaining wrestling run from the ring. Edgar Caspian walks backwards into the cage, jumping off RIGHT BEFORE Zombie “Handsome” Henry can claw him to pieces. Lower Mouth is running around the ring, trying to get away from Viper, when he’s suddenly pulled over. Zombie Farmer Vincent yanks a screaming Lower Mouth under the ring. LEFT Tentacle reaches out, trying to help his former friend... but it’s too late, as Lower Mouth disappears beneath the ring. LEFT Tentacle looks shaken. He’s more shaken, when a tidal wave of blood splashes out, washing over him. Zombie Spud Boy charges out the other side towards Edgar Caspian, who is quick to sidestep the half-eaten man. Grabbing Spud Boy’s Larger intestine... Edgar Caspian starts to run away, dragging the intestine behind him. Zombie Farmer Vincent dives out from under the ring towards LEFT Tentacle, but “Bigamist” Jonathan Smith pulls him to the side. Zombie Farmer Vincent slashes out, but Smith matrixes under the claw. Jonathan Smith kicks Vincent in the stomach... but the zombie farmer no sells it! Fuck! The Panar Leopard Express start to run away from the zombie monster Vincent. Finished eating Cher Nobyl, the zombie VVV reaches out... slicing “Haemophiliac” Bill Johnson’s head off. There is a surprising lack of blood. Edgar Caspian slides into the ring, narrowly avoiding Spud Boy, and dragging the large intestine around the ring post... Spud Boy doubles back trying to rip Edgar Caspian asunder. Dropping down, Caspian pulls the intestine tight... Zombie Spud Boy trips on his own intestines... falling forwards into the steel steps. Zombie Spud Boy hits his head hard... hard enough to stop moving. Spotting the little girl Sadako, Zombie Vile “Vince” Viper starts to chase the small child around. Zombie Farmer Vincent throws Jonathan Smith back into the wall, but LEFT Tentacle pulls him off before the zombies can rip him up. Farmer Vincent slashes LEFT Tentacle across the chest, only to be knocked off with a closeline from Jonathan Smith. Sadako runs under the ring, with Zombie Vile “Vince” Viper hot on her heels. Zombie Farmer Vincent runs into LEFT Tentacle, only to have Jonathan Smith lift Vincent’s feet up... the Panar Leopard Express force Zombie Farmer Vincent into a spiked piledriver... the impact causes Zombie Farmer Vincent’s head to EXPLODE! Panar Leopard Express give each other a high five... stopping their celebration only when Sadako runs past in terror. Their gaze follows the little girl... not noticing Zombie VVV as he rips through them. Gushing blood, the two men slump down to the ground. VVV doesn’t even stop to eat them, as he’s hot on the little girl’s trail. Trapped. It was going so well too. Making a lasso out of the large intestine, Edgar Caspian throws his “rope” up in the air, hooking it on the top of the cage. Not liking his chances of staying on the ground with his mentor, Edgar Caspian starts to climb up the intestine... towards the top. Sadako jumps into her television set, where she proceeds to hide. Zombie VVV charges after her... running headfirst into the television. This changes the channel to “Annie” just as the title character starts singing tomorrow. #The Sun’ll Come Out# Shaking the pieces of glass out of his rotting face, Zombie VVV sniffs around for a moment, before his gaze catches Edgar Caspian dangling in the middle of the ring. #Tomorrow# Frantic, Edgar Caspian starts to pull up the large intestine, trying not to leave a trail behind him to climb up. #Bet your bottom dollar# The Zombie VVV jumps... catching the intestine just before its out of reach, and starts climbing. #That tomorrow# “The Perfect Gentleman” kicks down, trying to knock Viper form the intestine... again... and again... until he finally catches the old man on the chin. Viper bites into the boot, yanking it off Celine’s foot. Celine kicks down with his other boot, knocking Viper off. #There'll be sun!# Pulling up the slack, Edgar Caspian puts a few feet between him and the angry Viper Zombie. He doesn’t know how long he can hang on, but for now Caspian breathes a sigh of relief. #Just thinkin' about# On top of the cage, Feral Boy starts to chew through the intestine knot. Scanning this, Caspian can’t help but curse every god he knows of. #Tomorrow# What remains of Cher Nobyl starts to twitch back to life. #Clears away the cobwebs,# Bill Johnson’s arms try to push his head back onto his body. #And the sorrow# LEFT Tentacle breathing gets more and more shallow... then stops... and starts again. #'Til there's none!# “Bigamist” Jonathan Smith snarls, as his glazed eyes turn upwards towards Caspian. #When I'm stuck a day# One of Brian Calypso’s severed arms climbs up the cage... using a key to open the padlock on the cage. Caspian starts to cry. #That's gray,# Zombie Handy Andy crawls out from under the ring, yanking off pieces of board, tearing apart his craftsmanship. #And lonely,# Zombie Adrian Tanner is the first to enter the cage... he’s half-eaten through Cecil Kennedy, whose corpse dangles around his neck like some absolutely retarded bling. #I just stick out my chin# Zombie Six Demon Bag’s stomach has been wrenched off... he stumbles in, chewing on a piece of HERBICIDE. Everything he eats just falls through the hole in his abdomen. #And Grin,# Zombie Hardcore Hero has managed to get a pipe wrench lodged through his jaw... he tries to twist it, but the sadistic pleasure he got hurting himself is gone. He eyes Caspian’s brain hungrily. #And Say,# What’s left of Zombie RIGHT Tentacle has Upper Mouth draped over his shoulder... Zombie Lower Mouth crawls out from under the ring, trying to merge with his stablemates. The three of them might be tall enough to reach the helpless Perfect Gentleman. #Oh!# The rumbling of a plane can be heard circling over the arena... Caspian still has a prayer! If that awful Feral Boy - the only other person in the arena who isn’t a zombie - doesn’t chew through the intestine beforehand. #The sun'll come out# Zombie “Handsome” Henry looks at his reflection in a pool of blood... and plays with his hair, trying to come it over the hole where his brains used to be. #Tomorrow# Zombie Vile “Vince” Viper continues to jump up and down, feet away from dragging Caspian down. The old man is now joined by zombie Uncle Son of Sam, and zombie Bad Boy. Other prominent mob members are slowly starting to fill up the ring. #So ya gotta hang on# Caspian looks down at the hungry mouths of Zombie WereElephant, Zombie Kid Old Man Jenkins, and Zombie Sirius Man. Each looking a little uglier than the last... Caspian hopes they choke on him. #'Til tomorrow# The Zombie TREE from Poltergeist ducks down to enter into the cell... yeah, he can reach Celine. Zombie Franken Berry has already climbed him for first crack. God damn it. #Come what may# Feral Boy finally finishes chewing through the large intestine. #Tomorrow! Tomorrow!# Edgar Caspian seems almost serene, as he curses, falling backwards into the sea of angry zombies. #I love ya Tomorrow!# Feral Boy looks up from his meal of intestines to see a bomb fall through the ceiling. #You're always# The horde of zombies rip “The Perfect Gentleman” Edgar Caspian into a million pieces. The gore splashes up in the air, almost hitting Feral Boy on top of the cage. #A day# The bomb hits the cage. A bright flash vaporizes the arena, and every SWAT Backyard wrestler, living or dead in the processes. #A way!# Is this the end of SWAT: Backyard? God I hope so. ...But VVV lost a match. Reality no longer exists. You can never tell. Unless you like bad zombie films, this show gets my STRONGEST recommendation to avoid. Till next time, unfortunately. |
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9:37 AM Jul 11