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Episode One Part One
Topic Started: Oct 18 2009, 03:44 PM (247 Views)
ratrangerm
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[Cut quick. A well-kept patch of grass on a hill overlooking a walled compound. A man in a brown suit with brown hair and brown eyes stands, smirking, with a microphone in his hand. He has the air of a nightly news field reporter.]

JK: Hello, this is Jack Keening of the illustrious Keening wrestling family coming you from an undisclosed location.

[Turn half towards the compound.]

JK: This prison once had a name, but years ago the facility was closed. It was deemed too ... insecure by those in positions of power. The closure led to an overcrowding situation on a statewide scale, and mass releases of violent criminals!

It was deemed a political victory by the governor, and won him re-election in 1993.

[Back to camera. A twinkle in his eye.]

JK: Now, Cheap-ass Productions, in conjunction with Stuff Happening on TeleVision has SHOT a CaP into the television stratosphere. Now, it's time to find out what happens when wrestlers stop being polite ... and start getting VIOLENT!

Now, cue the music, because it's time for TOTAL! DRAMA! WRESTLING!!!

[Cut.]
[What, you were expecting some fancy logo to appear next? This is Cheap Ass Production, folks! You don't get no fancy logo!

Instead, we are going to take you straight to the prison watch tower, where we find your host, Randy Grant, who is wearing a pair of faded jeans and a T-shirt that reads "I'M THE HOST, YOU LOVE ME" in big bold letters. And also with him would be your referee, Raymond Elbert... he wears the standard referee's shirt and pants and looks like he's not too happy about being here.]

RG: Welcome, wrestling fans, to Total Drama Wrestling! For the next few weeks, you will get to witness what happens when nine different wrestlers get locked up here in the hoosegow to be subject to whatever fiendish tricks and traps that we can come up with.

RE: Somebody explain to me why we have a Keening doing the intro? Isn't that your department?

RG: Well, I let him get away with it this time.

RE: Don't tell me he's gonna be working here! Not only is the Keening gene contagious, but he better not be taking away my pay.

RG: Working here? Well... not exactly. And don't worry... your pay is safe.

RE: Good. [looks at his watch] I'm due overtime in about five minutes.

RG: Yes, I am well aware of that... but right now, we are going to say hello to our nine contestants... get a chance to get to know the victims we have lined up to take part in challenges that may or may not have anything to do with wrestling, but are certain to draw in the ratings!

RE: They better... I get paid by the Nielsen point!

[Fade in.]

[Gold, gladiator sandals? Check. Gold Versace hot pants? Check. Gold, fur coat, open to reveal a chiseled chest? Check. Check. Check. This is “Tokyo Bad Boy” Ikuto Nagashima. And he’s fabulous!]

[The camera zooms in on Ikuto as he makes his way through the prison’s gates, shades shielding his eyes and a sneer on his lips. There are gold chains littering his neck, his hair styled in a platinum shag. He takes another look at his surroundings and makes a face. He stops and shakes his head, tossing his attention towards the camera.]

Ikuto: Ikuto is not quite pleased!

[He sniffs.]

Ikuto: See, I was promised exotic locations and five-star accommodations. Not to mention the chance to rub elbows with the crème de la crème. Instead, I find myself in a dirty, abandoned...prison!?! Competing against a bunch of no-names and never will bes!?!

[He nearly spits out the last word before whipping off his shades, glaring at the camera.]

Ikuto: It’s like these people don’t even know who I am! I am Ikuto Nagashima, the man who turned RCW on its head and, together with Shadoe Rage, introduced their audience of ill-mannered idiots to the greatness known as The Show. And I’m the best thing TDW has going for it. So, to find myself hanging in some prison, like some...some common miscreant...well, it is not the least bit appetizing!

[He sneers and turns up his nose, folding his arms across his chest.]

Ikuto: Something will have to be done about these so-called challenges! But, in the meantime, I will do what I came to do, namely prove myself as the last wrestler standing. After all, when it comes down to it, there are no others here that can match me. My greatness has been proven. Time and time and time again. So, it should be no problem to do so again!

[He flashes a smirk as the scene fades out.]

RE: Pretty boys and prison... now there's a combination that promises you something bad is gonna happen.

RG: Well, as you can tell, we had to pull a few strings to get him to come on board.

RE: Yeah, five-star accommodations... you seriously got him to buy into that?

RG: I merely stretched the truth... and the truth is, you and I get those accommodations.

[Walking through the Prison gates is a large-ish Asian fellow, about 6'4" 250+lbs. He is wearing black shorts and an old-school black "Bart-Man" t-shirt. He is also carrying a black duffel bag with the words "Notorious Wrestling" etched in gold on the side.]
Voice-over: Yano's name is "Giant" Yano Masoyoshi. Ever since Yano was a little Yano, his fondest dream was to come to the USA. Now Yano is here.
[The Big, friendly Japanese "Giant" stares up at the somewhat foreboding prison structure with awe.]
Voice-over: When Yano signed up for Total Drama Wrestling, his friends say that Yano made a big mistake. This was a bad idea, they tell Yano. But Yano looked at them, and Yano said "Bad Idea?! How can anything involving Total Drama Island be a BAD IDEA?!" Yano LOVES TDA and it's sequel, Total Drama Action! And now Yano gets to be a part of Total Drama Wrestling!
[The guards lead Yano down the hallways, the big naive "Giant" all smiles all the way.]
Voice-Over: Yano cant wait to meet the rest of his cast. Yano knows he will be the best of friends with Trent and Duncan! And Yano really wants to meet Lyndsay. She is so cute. Yano cannot wait!
[Yano stands in front of a cell, waiting for the guards to unlock it. As they do, he turns to the camera and strikes a heroic pose.]
YANO: By the Great Raptor Jesus, I, Yano Masoyoshi, will be your CHAMPION!
[End.]

RE: And now we get Baby Godzilla, in the flesh.

RG: Hey, we are absolutely welcoming of other cultures on this show... you must be respectful of them.

RE: Are you serious?

RG: Well... no, I'm not! Baby Godzilla... good one, man!

RE: Oh, I'll have even more for you!

[The scene opens to a svelte, curvy, young African American woman as she makes her way through the prison gates. She's clad in a red, tank top, "WAR" written across the chest, and khaki, boy-cut shorts. She also wears a pair of tennis shoes and a baseball hat perched atop her head, her long, black hair styled in a ponytail. As she spots the camera, she stops and a smile spreads across her lovely face.]

Woman: Hey!

[She waves.]

Woman: I'm Keisha Love. The name's probably not familiar to you now, but I guarantee that it will be, after I win Total Drama Wrestling. See, while I might not be the most popular person here or most experienced, I'm definitely the smartest. After all, how many wrestlers do you hear of with a Master's degree from one of the top business schools in the country, much less an IQ of 130?

[She folds her arms across her chest proudly.]

Keisha: I'll answer that for some of the slower people watching at home. Not many. And definitely not any of the so-called competition here.

[She laughs.]

Keisha: After all, they're nothing more than a group of slack-jawed, illiterate fools, too delusional to realize that I've had this in the bag since day one.

[She smirks.]

Keisha: I initially made my mark in this business in Japan, wrestling for a little place called WAR. I easily ran through the competition there and was regarded as one of the very best of the very best. But I grew bored of that life and was ready to bring the "Keisha Love" brand back to the United States, where it's always belonged. Now, I have that chance, thanks to TDW. And I can't wait to put my money where my mouth is.

[Fade.]

RE: A women's libber, huh? Is there some rule that every show has to have an "I am woman, hear me roar" type?

RG: It makes things more dramatic, you know.

RE: Not to mention makes me more annoyed!

RG: And what would this show be without you being annoyed... it's part of your charm, my man!

[The camera opens on a longshot of an ominous grey building, smoke billowing out of its chimneys. The drab, opressive building is surrounded by seemingly insurmountable walls capped with vicious barbed wire. As searchlights shone from towering guard parapets barely light the forbodding building.

In an indescribably impressive single, unbroken shot, the camera tracks forward and you see a man walking towards the gates. The man is a shackled both on his hands and feet which connect at the waist. That man has very short brown hair kind of like a military haircut and is walking very slowly towards the 20 foot high fence which has barb wire atop of it ...]

MAN: "They tell me you want to know where I've been for the last few months. Well why should I tell you? What are you, writing some kinda book? I don't owe anybody any explanations."

[His voice goes silent for a moment, leaving only the inky blackness of the darkened pit.]

MAN: "But I will anyhow, let you know something about me. My name is "Simply Sadistic" Kevin McCabe. I did not sign my line on that dotted line to make friends. I came here to simply hurt people. I want to hear bones crack ... I wanna see blood dripping down my opponents faces ... I wanna make someone cry and beg to take another breathe of fresh air. So if you have a problem with any of that then I am not a hard man to find and if you don't well I am sure I will find you anyway... And then well may God have mercy on your soul because I sure as hell won't ..."

[The camera begins to fade out as you hear a sadistic laugh from Kevin McCabe ...]

RE: Uh oh, watch out... we have the maniac psycho who will probably be killing his victims in their sleep.

RG: What would a reality show be without one, Raymond?

RE: Especially one set in prison!

RG: [chuckling] It's called ratings, Raymond... it's sure to draw the viewers in!

RE: Just one question... what if he really does kill somebody in their sleep?

[Uneasy silence... broken when Randy reads from a sheet of paper, an obvious prepared statement before him.]

RG: We at Total Drama Wrestling will not intentionally put our contestants in situations that may be potentially fatal... but if they happen to fall into one on their own doing, well, that's the breaks.

[He clears his throat.]

RG: See, Raymond... I got it covered.

[A chunky woman in a black sports bra and three-quarter length tights begins walking toward the gate of the Prison in the Middle of Nowhere. Her black hair is wildly unkempt and her face is covered in black tribal designs. She walks past the DCWL’s Annoyed Samoans, who are similarly attired (sans the sports bra, thankfully). They each hold up signs hand printed on poster boards.]

[Moses Pupulolo’s sign reads “DEATH TO THE OPPOSITION.”]

[Offramp Alebua’s sign reads “IF CENA WINS WE WILL EAT HIM.”]

[Ozzie Emshamo’s sign reads “SPAGHETTI” for some reason.]

[They all high five her as she walks past. This is the fourth annoyed Samoan, Gabrielle RioPaah. She speaks with a Liverpudlian accent for some reason.]

GABBY: “Me name is Gabrielle RioPaah, and the only reason I’m even consenting to be a part of this hegemonic cultural exploitation exercise is the producer’s promise for equal non-gender based billing. And no pubes in the soap.”

[She walks through the gate as the camera shakes with silent giggling.]

RE: You actually told her that?

RG: Well... somebody did. Of course, we're not required to keep promises like that.

RE: So now we got a prude in our midst... with her and women's libber already in here, all we need is the slutty whore and we'll be all set. Do we have a slutty whore?

RG: Hmmm... actually, we don't. It must have slipped my mind to get one on board. [snaps his fingers] Dammit!

[A stark wind blows outside of the gates to the Prison in the Middle of Nowhere. Standing outside with the camera to his back is an extra for one of the monsters in the hit movie "Where the Wild Things Are".]

"After all my travels, after all my attempts to break free from the tedium of my life in Jacksonville, Florida... Who's bright idea was it to lock the American Freebear inside what is basically a glorified cage?"

[Sorry, sorry, sorry.... I saw all the hair growing out and thought for sure he was a CGI creature. BUT HE IS NOT A CGI CREATURE!!! Six foot four, three hundred and thirty-three pounds: The American Freebear is a bruiser of a wrestler, a mauler of a man... And a pretty talented, get this, *high flyer* inside the ring!]

"Better yet, who's bright idea was it to lock the other tenants in the same cage as the Freebear? The American Freebear: THE ONLY BEAR THAT FLIES!!!"

[He turns to face the camera: a giant smile greets the viewer as the wind blows both hair and beard all higgeldy-piggeldy.]

"There's gonna be some clawin', there's gonna be a maulin'! Stay tuned wrestling fans, cuz you're about to witness destruction, carnage; and if you're real lucky... You might see the American Freebear soar through the skies and bring complete annihilation from above! Awww shucks, everybody knows I'm here because this bear you'll never change!!! Lord help me, I can't chaaaaaange!!"

[He begins to sing some Lynard Skynard. Run.]

"Won't you fly~ freeeeee bear, yeah!"

[And the boogie rock is just beginning to start!!]

RE: So instead of a slutty whore, you got Captain Caveman?

RG: Hey... he had good references.

RE: You actually checked references?

RG: Actually... no. They just looked good on paper.

[The next arrival to the house is a young but battered-looking woman with dyed pink hair. She wears a black T-shirt with “VICIOUS CIRCLE – We’ll fucking cut you” written on it and ripped-up jean shorts. This is Suzie Machina of Hardkore World and PJG fame. Suzie cautiously approaches the gates.]

SM (voiceover): So, I hate reality TV. Downfall of society and all that. But when I got the call for this show... what can I say? I was bored. Well, that and I was promised that I could inflict violence on people like every day instead of once a month if I’m lucky. That pretty much sold it.

[Suzie walks into the gates, which slams shut behind her. She exhales loudly and walks into the house. We cut to an interview with her standing in front of a TDW backdrop.]

SM: For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Suzie Machina, hardcore women’s wrestler and general rabble-raiser. Odds are that I hate you. Don’t worry, it’s not personal. I’m here to have fun, raise hell, and maybe come away with some fame and fortune.

[Back we go to Randy and Raymond.]

RE: Well, not quite slutty whore, but maybe psycho bitch can makes things interesting around here.

RG: Wow... you just seem to be all about what the women might do.

RE: I need something to keep me entertained.

RG: I think you'll find plenty to keep you entertained, Raymond... I know I will!

[The camera fades in to see a man enter the Prison Gates, looking around the area. He's just under six feet tall and weighs about 225 pounds, and wears a suit. He has a goatee on his face and Ray-Ban Sunglasses covering his eyes, his hair under a Grey Fedora hat. One black glove covers his left hand. After looking around, the man looks at the camera and smirks.]

SO: Simon O'Neal here. Simon O'Neal. Former MBC World Champion. Former Tag team champion in more feds than I can count. A man who is not just a Bastard, but a "Mighty Bastard". And now- the star and future winner of Total Drama Wrestling.

[Simon pauses to tap the walls of the Prison]

SO: This is the part where I talk about about 'playing with honor and integrity and honesty'. OK- here's me being honest. I WILL cheat. I WILL lie. I WILL do absolutely anything and everything to win. There is no rule I won't break, no promise I won't keep, no standard I won't violate, if it helps me win.

... and I say that with total and complete intergrity.

[Back to Randy and Raymond.]

RE: Well, we got a future Ohio congressman in our midsts... now that is entertaining!

RG: Future congressman? What makes you think he's got a future there?

RE: Hey, he lies, he cheats, he steals, but he's honest about it. He'd fit right in with the rest of them in Washington, but he'd also be honest that he's a filthy, slimy politician?

RG: You may haev a point... and if other corrupt politicians can get on reality show... why not have a future one?


[Cut. A tallish man bedecked in a pinstripe suit and carrying his own microphone approaches the open and foreboding gates of the prison. Looking up, he waves the camera in and down for a more dramatic shot depicting himself about to enter.]

JK: Fans, this is Jack Keening with you once again. I now stand just outside the facility in which we'll all spend an indeterminate amount of time, our fates left to the faceless terrorists behind Total Drama Wrestling's camera lens. Is it the Jigsaw Killer? Is it those jackasses from the Truman Show? Only time will tell.

[Proceeding within, Jack is tracked by the cameraman. He tiptoes, pensively, looking about himself as if afraid that Dracula may spring out at any moment. When he speaks again, it is in a paranoid-sounding whisper.]

JK: How appropriate that we should be so near to Halloween. I only wish that I'd brought candy with me to fend off the ghouls and goblins within these walls. Stick with me, fans, and I'll bring you the REAL story behind Total Drama Wrestling, and the participants therein.

[Looking about himself one last time, Keening hustles into the facility. Fade.]

RE: Are you sure he's not working for us?

RG: That's what we told him... but actually, he's the ninth participant!

RE: How did you manage to pull that off?

RG: Some people just don't read the fine print of the contracts they signed.

RE: Too bad, so sad, for him... but hey, the other contestants better be washing their hands, lest they get Keening disease.

RG: [laughs] They aren't gonna have time to wash their hands... because we're going to get them going on our first challenge.

[We fade to the shot of the nine wrestlers entering the cell block... at which point you hear the voice of Randy Grant over the PA system that's been set up here. OK, so Cheap Ass Productions put in some money into this facility... but only what they had to do to make sure every waking moment of their time here is kept tabs on.]

RG: All right, listen up, contestants... you are all here for one reason or another, but mostly because you are craving and starving for fame and attention like everyone else who signs up for a reality show. But regardless of your reasons, you are now set to show that you are the one who is deserving of becoming the Total Drama Wrestling heavyweight champion. In each of your cells, you will see a leather belt... and for completing elimination challenges, you will receive one of nine gold plates that will complete the title belt.... that is, those of you who don't get voted off.

But I am happy to report that none of you will get voted off yet... because, after all, you guys need some time to get to know one another... and to get annoyed with each other so that we get a more interesting presentation for our viewers in TV land.

Once you all unpack, you are report to do your promos for our first challenge... hidden around this prison facility are nine foreign objects... a steel chair, brass knuckles, a Singapore cane, a roll of coins, a trash can lid, a baseball bat, a small length of chain, a ring bell and a leather strap. There is one foreign object hidden in each of these nine rooms: the gymnasium, the library, the dining room, the kitchen, the metal shop, the wood shop, the laundry room, the visiting area and the communal bathroom.

Your task is to find and claim the foreign object of your choice... all you have to do is be the first one to get to that object. Once you pick an object up, that object is yours and you are not allowed to grab another object... and we'll be having Raymond Elbert watching you in the security station, as we have cameras set up all over this prison. When he spots somebody claiming an object, he will notify you about the object and what room it was in, and then you know you can stop searching for that one.

Oh, and as a little added incentive... one of the objects is tied to a reward that will go to the contestant who finds it. Which one it is... you'll just have to find out for yourself.

Happy hunting, contestants!

[In front of the TDW backdrop is the Annoyed female Samoan, Gabrielle RioPaah.]

GABBY: “Scavenger hunt, eh? S’pose you think I’d be good at that sort of thing what with me being a dirty savage from the jungle and all. I mean, talk about presuming and making presumptions, right? All right. I look for the lousy object, so long as the camera doesn’t linger longingly on my tight bottom and pert bosoms.”

[She exits.]

[Cut to Yano in front of a TDW backdrop.]

YANO: Yano LOVES scavenger hunts! Back home, Yano was the Church of Raptor Jesus's top Scavenger Hunt Chanpion 5 years in a row, Yano will make this challenge his!

[They have already explained everything about the Quest for Foreign Objects to the American Freebear. Sitting patiently on the (unplugged) electric chair, the Freebear took careful notice of all of the locations, all of the weapons available and how referee Raymond Albert would judge the proceedings. We are now awaiting the American Freebear's reaction to all this.]

"Alright.... I got everything. Now where's the kitchen?"

[There's.... Something of a silence following the Freebear's question.]

"Kitchen's where all the food is, right? Where is it?"

[AND THUS THE EPIC CONFRONTATION OF TOTAL DRAMA WRESTLING BEGINS!!!!]

"Cuz hearing you all talk like that make's a bear MIIIIIIII-ghty hungry! Know what I'm sayin'?"

[Come on Freebear, hype the challenge a bit!]

"I do sure hope nobody is gonna get between a Freebear and his meal, for that would certainly bring ill tidings to anyone foolish enough to try. I mean, a person is likely to get hurt... If not crushed, broken in half and splattered all along the prison walls. Now that's not something we want to happen, do we?"

[It's the Quest for Foreign Objects, not Old Country Buffet Battle Royale!!!]

"Cuz even if you lock up the American Freebear, he still has to fly free.... And if he can't fly free, he's gonna fry free; good ol' soul food Southern cooking-like at the expense of the state!! S'got my mouth waterin' already! Now I reiterate my former inquiry: where's the food around here?"

[On the other hand, the American Freebear's cooking is said to be deadlier than any foreign object...]

[Standing in front of the TDW logo is "Mighty Bastard" Simon O'Neal. O'Neal smirks and tugs on his glove.]

SO: Nine foreign objects? That's it? Damn- I use nine foreign objects before breakfast every Tuesday. Really, foreign objects are like wine- all can be good, but you need the right pairing for the right situation. A foreign object sommelier- like yours truly- can make anything work. But the right foriegn object can make any challenge... well, magical.

[The scene opens to Ikuto Nagashima standing before the TDW backdrop. The “Tokyo Bad Boy” is clad in a gold, fur coat, gold hot pants, and gold, gladiator sandals, jewelry littering his neck and fingers. He fixes the camera with a sneer.]

Ikuto: Scurrying around in an old prison is far from my idea of fun, unless it involves Zac Efron, a ping pong paddle, and a bag of jelly beans.

[He sighs.]

Ikuto: But I will make the best of it. After all, I am here for one reason, and that is to walk out of this event as the winner of TDW. And I don’t care what, or who, I have to do to do so. So, to my competition...

[He suddenly pauses and lets out a laugh.]

Ikuto: Eh. Who am I kidding? There is no competition! At least not here! And tonight, that will be proven, when I easily dominate this event, much as I plan to do for this entire show. You see, Ikuto Nagashima is a show-stealer and he plays second fiddle to none! So, the rest of you bums? May as well pack your bags now.

[The smirk returns.]

Ikuto: And on that note, au revoir, bitches.

[The scene fades to black.]

[Fade in on the TDW background, and a very grumpy-looking Jack Keening. He holds his very own microphone and glowers at the camera lens.]

JK: Jack Keening here, and it seems my very presence in this facility has been misconstrued by the powers that be. You see, I came here as a journalist to interview and act as go-between for the participants of this competition. However, it seems that, somehow, they were able to switch the actual contract that I signed, one for an announcing position, with one for a wrestler.

You see, although I come from a wrestling family, I am not here as a wrestler. True, I do have skills not yet seen by mortal eyes, and patriotism beyond par, but I am no warrior.

[At the word “patriotism” Jack covers his heart with his hand and casts his eyes skyward.]

JK: Several years ago, for the sake of my fellow man, I decided to hang up the boots, take off the pads, and put on a suit. My talents, so great are they, as a 10th generation talent (just ask old uncle “Fireball”. If he denies it, he's just protecting my secret identity) that I have ascended to a zen wrestling state. One that allows me to see the weaknesses inherent in any foe. With one finger I could reduce a man to jell-o, and, frankly, that just wasn't fair to anyone, not even me. I mean, where's the challenge?

[One shuddering sigh later, Jack's rambling nonsense, already an obvious fabrication, dissolves as he realizes that he's pretty well stuck in this competition if he wants to pull a paycheck.]

JK: Also, if things don't go well today, just remember ... I have a cold.

[Fade quick to black.]

JK: Think they bought it? I think they bought it.

[End.]

[Suzie Machina is sitting in front of the TDW backdrop, looking startled.]

SM: When I heard about the challenge, all I thought was... cool. We really aren’t wasting any time with formalities, are we? Fighting with weapons is really my element, and I think this is a goood challenge to start with me. Of course, the opposition is pretty tough, but you know what? I can take them.

The only thing I don’t like is that random element of which weapon gives you the prize. I don’t like things that are out of my hands. Drives me batty.

[Machina drums her fingers against the stool, obviously as irritated as she says.]

[The scene opens to a very confident Keisha Love, standing before a TDW backdrop. She's clad in a red, tank top, "WAR" written across the chest, and khaki, boy-cut shorts. She also wears a pair of tennis shoes and a baseball hat perched atop her head, her long, black hair styled in a ponytail. She has her arms folded across her chest, a smirk on her face.]

Keisha: Let me get this straight? All I have to do is search a room and get a foreign object?

[She snorts.]

Keisha: Piece of cake.

[She waves her hand.]

Keisha: I was honestly expecting something a little more...challenging. But I guess I shouldn't complain. A challenge is a challenge, right? I just hope that none of these idiots gets in my way. Otherwise, they'll get a first hand lesson on how I became Japan's biggest thing.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a foreign object to obtain and some wrestlers to make a fool of.

[Fade.]

[Open on...well darkness. Then a spotlight comes on and in it's center is a common folding metal ladder, standing open with a TDW backdrop in the backround. A few seconds pass and then into the light walks "Simply Sadistic" Kevin McCabe. He is dressed ready for a war wearing grey sweatpants and a white t-shirt and hands both his fist taped. Kevin begins to speak ...]

Kevin McCabe: "Well, this is it. No more hype, no more talk...the wait is finally friggin' over. It's time to put up or shut up. All the battles, blood shed, sweat, spit and grit have all been leading to this one night. Nine of us will be competing to survivor inside this prison. What will happen no one knows but one thing is for certain this will be like nothing ever before seen.

Eight other competitors will be giving it their all to show why they deserve to be here in the TDW. While one could excel in the air, another may work his best on the mat.. while one may damn near hit the three hundred pound mark, another barely escapes two-twenty.. and while one may already be a superstar, another prepares himself for the leap of faith. These are subtle differences that make us each unique within the confines of this contest..

[Kevin tilts his head to the left.. perhaps eyeing something off in the distance.. as the silence beckons a response.. he tilts it back and continues.]

Kevin McCabe: You see.. what it will come down to is a rather simple idea dating back to the beginning of civilized times. It'll come down to the theory of want and need.

["Simply Sadisitic" rests his hands on his knees.. gripping at the knees..]

Kevin McCabe: Someone might would have you believing that he _wants_ to be the last man standing so that he can embrace the kudos that go along with it. The money, the fame, the fortune.. the hoes, the entourage, and the jealousy that breeds from the trophies. He would have you believing that he _wants_ this more than any other man in this company.. more than any other man on this planet.

Someone else would have you believing that he _wants_ to be their last man standing so that he can gain the respect of his peers. So that he can look himself in the mirror
and finally say to himself, "I am the pinnacle of this company and of this sport." He would have you believing he _wants_ it not only for himself but for the sake of the satisfaction of the fans in attendance who rally behind him.. for that is his calling.

And someone else would have you believing he _wants_ to be the last man standing because there isn't another man in this company worthy of such a lofty stature. For they truly feels as though they are as untouchable a figure in this company. They would have you believing they _want_ it so that he can be the one to lead this company to the promised land of national prominence, multi-corporate deals, and beyond.

But you see..

[An audible sigh escapes from Kevin's lips.. as he uses his left hand to scratch his head.]

Kevin McCabe: ..whereas in life..

..when men with wants stumble upon that which they desire..

..are confronted by an adversary whose entire lifeforce hinges on the object's presence..

..when they realize their _want_ is the adversaries' _need_..

..they engage in a battle..

..in a war that cannot win..

..for the strength and restitution of a being's needs far outweighs the wants of others..

[A slight smirk before continuing ...]

Kevin McCabe: You see.. there are either other competitors who who want to be the last man standing.. there are eight men willing to _almost_put it all on the line for their chance to claim the prize.. but there is only one man who f*cking _needs_ it.

Simply Sadistic ...

..Kevin McCabe..

[A glare. As cold-hearted as it is menacing.. it lasts very briefly as McCabe gets up and walks away ...]

THE QUEST FOR THE FOREIGN OBJECTS BEGINS

The nine wrestlers all departed their rooms and began to make their way over the prison grounds to the location of their choice... all locations helpfully marked with their names, but the exact locations of the objects... well, it wasn't going to be that easy for them.

As if on instinct alone, the American Freebear immediately burst into the kitchen and started rummaging through drawers and cabinets, just as Ikuto Nagashima entered. Nagashima moved cautiously, unsure if the Freebear was that desperate to find the foreign object, but instead, Freebar found exactly what he really wanted... food. Satisfied with the ham he pulled from the refrigerator, Freebear chowed down as he exited the kitchen. Seeing this, Ikuto began rummaging through drawers himself, but then stopped, evidently finding something... only to wave a dismissive hand and then exit the kitchen himself.

Meanwhile, in the adjacent dining room, Ken Keening was looking around on the floor underneath tables... there were no tablecloths on them, so nothing was being covered up. Who knows what Keening might have been looking for. Keisha Love then came storming into the room, catching Keening's attention and causing him to back away slowly. It was at that point that Keisha noticed something and motioned toward the floor... and Keening immediately swooped down when he saw a couple of ketchup packets on the floor.

But those packets were not the object of desire... instead, Love found exactly what she was looking for, climbing up onto one of the tables, then retrieving from a shelf a long object... this was the Singapore cane.

RE: Attention! Women's libber has her big stick... goes nicely with the stick jammed up her ass! You can all stop searching the dining room!

And as this was going, Yano Masoyoshi and Gabby RioPaah both entered from opposite sides of the library, where Masoyoshi immediately started tearing into books on the shelf as Gabby approached him cautiously. Masoyoshi seemd to pay her no mind... evidently, he was trying to find his favorite bedtime story. This allowed Gabby to slip past him, where she then opened up the book drop drawer and was quick to retrieve an object there... the brass knuckles were in her hand.

RE: Attention! Our resident prude has got herself brass knuckles from the library... now let's see if she knows how to use them!

Meanwhile, the cameras caught Simon O'Neal rummaging through hampers in the laundry room, where it appeared he found something, but then didn't bother picking it up. In the wood shop, Kevin McCabe started pushing aside pieces of lumber... suitable foreign objects, yes, but not the ones that were specifically in the quest. He appeared to have found something that wasn't made of wood, but simply grunted and moved on. And in the gym, the only one there was Suzie Machina, who was sorting through a pile of jump ropes and then pulled out a large object... the steel chair that could be claimed by a wrestler for their personal use.

RE: Attention! Psycho bitch has found the steel chair right in that gym... all the broads now have an object and none of you guys do! And you call yourselves men?!

We then found Ken Keening entering the kitchen, but he seemed more interested in poking through the refrigerator, where he pulled out a soda and some cheese. It was at this point that Simon O'Neal slipped into the kitchen, and when the two spotted each other, Ken motioned to the food he had acquired and sheepishly stepped away, but Simon motioned for Ken to come closer. At that point, he whispered something to Ken, who nodded and then hurried off out of the kitchen. This allowed Simon to go rummaging through drawers himself, whereupon he pulled out his prize... the roll of coins.

RE: Attention! Congressman O'Neal has his roll of coins he found in the kitchen... he's already on his way to starting his campaign fund!

But the fun was really taking place in the metal shop, whereupon Freebear and McCabe had ran into each other, and they immediately took to fighting. They spent their time hurling each other into the various equipment around the room. Ikuto slipped in, trying to get past the two, but he was caught by Masoyoshi, who had just spotted the baseball bat that was lying on one of the shelves. Masoyoshi made it clear he wanted that bat, grabbing Ikuto in a side headlock and trying to bring him down, as meanwhile, McCabe was choking Freebear. But the Lynyrd Skynyrd fan... or, a fan at least in theory... managed to kick McCabe between the legs, then surprise him with a dropkick that cause McCabe to stumble across the room, right into Masoyoshi and Ikuto. The three landed in a heap, and before any of them could get their bearings, Freebear had stormed to the shelves and seized the bat, raising it above his head.

RE: Attention! Captain Caveman just got his club in the metal shop... now, he owes me for that ham he ate... that was my dinner!

Yano and Ikuto both ended up in the wood shop soon after this ordeal, but it was apparent that the object that McCabe had earlier bypassed was one he didn't find appealing... and after Ikuto managed to distract Yano by spin kicking him into the wall, when he noticed the object as well, he wrinkled his nose and departed. But Yano was more than happy to head over to that nice, shiny object that was lying amongst the lumber... a shiny trash can lid, which he held up like a shield at first, then thought about wearing as a hat.

RE: Attention! Baby Godzilla found the trash can in the wood shop... and in other news, Colonel Mustard is in the study! What... you expected better jokes? It's reality TV!

Meanwhile, Keening had arrived at the bathroom, rummaging through the trash can, when McCabe entered the room himself. His first move was to grab Keening by the legs and dump him upside down into the trash can, at which point he kicked it across the room. With Keening pretty much out of it, McCabe was free to check the showers, whereupon he emerged with a leather strap, which he proceeded to snap across the walls.

RE: Attention! The killer on the warpath got that leather strap in the john... better sleep with one eye open with that maniac around!

A shot of the visiting area found Ikuto entering the room, apparently believing it was the best room to check since nobody had been there. It didn't take him long to come upon the small length of chain that was placed in one of the cubicles. Sadly, though, none of Ikuto's relatives had stopped by to give him encouragement or a cake with a file hidden inside.

RE: Attention! Pretty boy found the chain in the visiting area... that means Keening gene carrier better get his lazy ass in gear and find that one last object lying around!

There was only one place left to look and that would be the laundry room that O'Neal has rummaged around, but never bothered to pick up the foreign object available there. But as Keening staggered into the room, a smile crossed his face soon enough as he found the ring bell amidst the sheets that were strewn about the room. He immediately begain using his fist to ring the bell, as if he were the timekeeper... and if we had one, he'd probably be ringing the bell right now to signal the challenge was over.

RE: Attention! Our resident Keening got his ring bell! Give yourself a pat on the back!

RG: And with that, all of our foreign objects have been found... you contestants will know more about what role they will play in our next challenge tomorrow! In the meantime, we'd like to announce that the foreign object that was tied to the reward was...

...and the way I see it, it's the object in which I was the most entertained by the chase to get it. And Freebar, McCabe, Ikuto and Yano really entertained me with their pier-six brawl in the metal shop... but since it was the Freebear who laid claim to the baseball bat there, he gets the reward... a waterbed for his prison cell. The rest of you are stuck with cots.

Now, go rest up, get ready for our dinner tonight of cold cereal and water, because that's all we can really afford for you... and start getting to know one another. Because if there's one thing that really makes this stuff so entertaining... it's finding out which people actually think they can work together for a period of time.

[To be continued...]
"Just as I discovered the meaning of life, it changed." -- George Carlin
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Mozeart
Member Avatar
Sheik-ee, Sheik-ee, give me your answer do...
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Scene, Jack Keening's cell, darkness. Jack lights a Zippo (tm) brand cigarette lighter so that half his face is visible. He looks kinda freaked, probably 'cause of all the scary weirdos in this place. Anywho...]

JK: For the record, it's _Jack_ Keening. Ken's my uncle Fireball.

That is all.

OW!

[Jack burns his thumb somehow, snaps the lighter shut. End.]
And it was at this moment that the entire world realized, in unison, that tandem bicycles were AWESOME~!
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Neige13
Ol' Drippy
[ *  *  *  * ]
[And as we look upon the winner of the first TDW challenge, we see that things are even worse then they first appeared. For in truth, the American Freebear is holding in his right hand a big ol' HAMBONE, with a comically oversized bite chewed right out of it. In the other hand is the baseball bat the Freebear seems to weild single-handedly. He is waving the two weapons menacingly.]

"I HAVE WON THE PRIZE! I POSSESS THE BASEBALL BAT! I POSSESS THE HAM! I AM A DUAL-WEILDING BEAR THAT IS A NINJA THAT CAN FLY!!!"

[The thought of four ninja bear duplicates has everyone else shitting themselves in fear as they huddle into their tiny little cots. Good effin' night.]
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