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| Saturday Night Rampage [03.28.09]; ...the one where everybody dies... | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jun 15 2009, 10:50 PM (721 Views) | |
| KliqerT | Jun 15 2009, 10:50 PM Post #1 |
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Doughy
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http://www.uwfcentral.com/cards/sr0328.txt |
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| Overly_Critical_Jue | Jun 15 2009, 11:22 PM Post #2 |
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Amigo, I ain't anybody but Juan Vasquez!
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The most depressing fed in e-w keeps moving along! Whoo! Next week...we throw kittens into traffic! Tumaffi may even bite the heads off a couple! |
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| JeremyS | Jun 16 2009, 12:11 AM Post #3 |
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MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!
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Then the rest will become terminally ill, after which Juan will punch their faces off. |
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| Overly_Critical_Jue | Jun 16 2009, 12:22 AM Post #4 |
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Amigo, I ain't anybody but Juan Vasquez!
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Those kittens forced him to do it! |
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| Flouzemaker | Jun 16 2009, 01:01 AM Post #5 |
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The Luther Burger
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I admit it, it did end up being a little bit depressing. As such, I would have ended the show with something positive, like... [The medics carefully wheel out the stretcher, carefully monitoring their hapless charge's precarious condition. As the EMTs slowly travel up the ramp, two hot bikini girls gambol down to the ring, where they shoot official UWF T-Shirts into the crowd with their garb-cannon. Some fans cheer. Fade.] That ending would have been a little less disheartening, since a few fans would have gotten T-Shirts. |
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| KliqerT | Jun 16 2009, 09:12 AM Post #6 |
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Doughy
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Yeah, or a midget would have gotten shot in the balls with said t-shirt gun. I wasn't willing to take that chance. By the way, next week's main event Juan Vasquez gets his chance for revenge against the corpses of Running Eagle Feather and the Rainbow Warrior, handicap style! |
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| JeremyS | Jun 16 2009, 09:40 AM Post #7 |
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MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!
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And here is the special guest referee! |
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| Overly_Critical_Jue | Jun 16 2009, 10:07 AM Post #8 |
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Amigo, I ain't anybody but Juan Vasquez!
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Look, if we're gonna have Vasquez beat up on the weak, the crippled, and the terminally ill we might as well just put him in a match with Kauffman.
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| Yo Its X | Jun 16 2009, 12:00 PM Post #9 |
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Macktastic
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Hides his former midget e-wrestler for fear of a balls shot. |
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| Flouzemaker | Jun 16 2009, 11:10 PM Post #10 |
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The Luther Burger
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Alright, brace yourselves for a lot of scrolling down action to skip the post because it's The Dumbass N00b's Inane Ramblings Corvette/Schmidt segment: Skipped it as it looked boring. Although "Schmidt Happens!" is a cute sign. Martin & Martinez VS Kauffman/Whitecross: Martinez was efficient, and there were some very good bits of wisdom in Kauffman's lengthy spiel – which came off the tongue quite nicely, btw. The part that doesn't make sense is Martinez standing around to passively listen instead of trying to pummel Kauffman to pulp fifteen seconds into the speech. But it has become a staple of wrestling, an unwritten rule of the sport. Wrestlers stand right next to each other to listen to the insults the other has instead of killing each other like they both claim they want to do. It doesn't make sense yet the WWE does it multiple times every week. Unwritten rule of wrestling: just like the “once you get thrown into the ropes you can't stop running” rule. Anyways, where was I? Oh yeah – The whole thing worked quite well to set up the match, even if the combined length of all four interventions ended up creating a segment that might have been a little too long winded. The match was good despite the fact I generally dislike hardcore matches. The spots didn't go beyond my personal suspension of disbelief, and gives a duo of faces a much needed win. Whitecross & Kauffman barely came back and both needed a little something that says they still got it (And, since they were dastardly enough, it didn't feel like the heels lost any steam at all). Corvette/Sylhouette segment: Skipped it, as it appeared ill-devised. On another note... for the love of Gawd, Mike, please stop spelling ridiculous “rediculous!” You do it all the time! Tommy Elliot/Randall Osbourne: I like the attention to detail in correctly portraying the common symptoms of caffeine withdrawal. I'm anal that way. And I was blissfully unaware (my normal state of being) of any past relationship between the two. The only overall drawback is that I'm not a little confused on whether Osbourne is a heel or face – though he does seem like the type of character I usually grow fond of rapidly. The match and commentary were pretty much ruined by Gamma Ray's presence though. But if I make abstraction of it, 'twas all good. Skipped the little spot at the end there, for it seemed ill-conceived and gratuitous. O'Connor & Young VS Vinnie V. & Rivera All flashes work quite nicely, and seems this Tunney fella is a man after my own heart, I think. In the big picture, this match saves the card from jumping off the ledge. The complete ridiculousness of the basic premise (that someone could be addicted to cheating and physically feel the consequences of withdrawal) is just lighthearted and uplifting enough to prevent anyone from taking their own life out of despair at the end of the show. Sure, O'Connor ends up losing... but then again, I'm not sure whether Vinnie & Oz are heels. You can start to tell I'm a pretty confused individual at all times. Good job on the match as well, since, as I read, I thought it was over and done with after the Cherry Cola Explosion. Next, some stuff with Schmidt and Collins. Skipped it since they already appeared on the show. I assumed they'd repeat the same thing using a few different words. Tumaffi Flash (literally). It's not disturbing if we don't see it. I already assume Tumaffi wrestles bare chested, so the camera doesn't see anything it hasn't seen before. Also, at 400lbs... we probably can't see “it” at all. Now that I have proved beyond a shadow of a doubt how tough I am What is all this srs Tumaffi nonsense? I missed out on the funny Tumaffi, so that's what I want to read. Ok, I admit it, a deathmatch rightly calls for a more somber promo in order to sell what can/could happen during the match. And, given the context, it would even be a disservice to Epstein's reign to do it otherwise. But still... To that, I say the solution is simple. No more extreme matches, therefore, no future need to explore things like “character development,” “motive” and “psychology.” Me wants funny. End of Hour 1. Hour two starts on the wrong foot since I have to skip yet another awful frikkin' Sylhouette/Gamma Ray thing. The Protégé: A good little promo there but, I admit, possibly too succinct for my own tastes. By now, I would have liked to have heard more out of the three Protégé finalists. I still feel like I know barely anything about them, yet by this point in the competition, I should have a firmer grasp of what the final three stand for. Was forced to skip what appeared to be an absolutely wretched match, though. And by the time it took to scroll down that behemoth, it appears to be a three tome novel or something. DaMann promo: It wasn't impressive. Then again, that's mostly because it's tame compared to the show stealing stuff of previous weeks. In reality, the promo does it's job: give out the impression that, a little bit like Epstein, DaMann is weakened, but definitely not defeated. However, it the category of details that annoy me... The following crowd reaction should not be followed a paragraph later by this one
It doesn't work Given the rest of the happenings in the show, it's fair to say “The crowd is still in the process of waking up after the nap they took during the women's match.” The “Win and You're In” might become more popular than “Roll up the Rim to Win.” Especially since the ring's rim is damn hard to roll up. Anyways, the thing is currently essential as there are about 56,745 people trying to get Epstein's belt, while no one seems interested in challenging Martin or Martinez. That kind of discrepancy makes me think the TV and NA titles aren't worth much compared to the WHC. Samoan Deathmatch: Not a fan of wrestlers catching on fire. Not a fan of impaling shards of belt in a man's cheek. Especially when it's unclear if it's a facial cheek or a cheekier kind of cheek... And not a fan of mixing up affect and effect much later on in the match. Otherwise, nothing else challenged my suspension of disbelief and the match was entertaining until the screwjob. On another note... I'm gonna seem like a tough customer, now... since I'm a big fan of Champions looking generally as strong as they can until they finally lose a strap, I though the match gave Tumaffi too much of a strong showing in relation to how Epstein fared. That, or I need to re-read. (And it's also clear from PVW discussions that I have my own personal booking rules that don't apply at all in e-w) But it kinda feels like Tumaffi should have won after no-selling a few spots and the match ending when it looked like he should have won, etc. Sure, Epstein looks tough because he obstinately defends his title in spite of injuries, but he could have been made to look better still in the match itself, and it would not have changed a thing for Tumaffi. Still a damn good read, though. Though, if Johnny Axis debuts by attacking Epstein, it renders the Martinez run-in that precedes it superfluous - at least, until we get to the second part of the intervention. Then, to be blunt, despite the fact the reasoning is clearly explained and does make sense... that Johnny Axis debut (as a misguided face?) has a weird timing. Gold Rush is coming fast, there are already 56,745 wrestlers going after Epstein, making Axis the 56,746th... Like the described UWF fans, I don't know what to make of it, or how to fit in Axis into the scheme of things from now on. However, Axis is described as having a meaty mustache, and meaty mustaches rule. But as the French would say, [BLEEP] me if I know where he fits in the grand scheme of things. Which I suppose is good, since you do have to keep your audience guessing a little bit. Vasquez promo: You know what I realize. I think I'd need a pic base of Vasquez or something, because at times, I have a hard time imagining the character. Didn't think I'd ever need a character's pic base, but it dawns on me that he's just about the only roster member for whom I have no mental image whatsoever (excluding those who have made but very few appearances), and it seems to adversely affect my ability to get into the character a little. That said, no doubt a high amount of emotional conflict comes through to keep the character intriguing. As for the DaMann/Vasquez match itself, it obviously wasn't very good. The objective was something else altogether. I must be a sadist because I was disappointed that it ended with only a “stiff right cross,” while I was sort of rooting for a “use a cannon to kill a fly” type of over-doing it move. Though maybe Vasquez wasn't the right person to finish things off like that. Still, it's appropriately depressing. Makes me wonder if I should have waited an extra week before retiring Sylhouette. And if so, how mad I should be at Beeby for not telling me to delay so that my own angles don't look entirely forgettable, for once. :angry: |
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| JeremyS | Jun 17 2009, 12:02 AM Post #11 |
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MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!
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I was shocked at how one-sided that was. If Tumaffi makes Gold Rush main event, I'm throwing some sell-for-Epstein spots in my strat. :-D |
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| KliqerT | Jun 17 2009, 09:53 AM Post #12 |
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Doughy
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"On another note... for the love of Gawd, Mike, please stop spelling ridiculous “rediculous!” You do it all the time!" Point taken. And for all the shots I've given others for their spelling, I'll try to catch it from now on. For some reason there are a few words I just can't seem to wrap around my head properly, ridiculous being one of them. "I like the attention to detail in correctly portraying the common symptoms of caffeine withdrawal." Say what now? "Tumaffi Flash (literally). " HAH! "Hour two starts on the wrong foot since I have to skip yet another awful frikkin' Sylhouette/Gamma Ray thing." You really need to tone down the ego, Flouze. "still feel like I know barely anything about them, yet by this point in the competition, I should have a firmer grasp of what the final three stand for." Final two, you mean. :-) My practically NPC got the boot this week. "Was forced to skip what appeared to be an absolutely wretched match, though. And by the time it took to scroll down that behemoth, it appears to be a three tome novel or something." Again, that ego thing. "However, it the category of details that annoy me... The following crowd reaction QUOTE The DaMarks in the crowd give an approving roar. should not be followed a paragraph later by this one QUOTE The crowd is still agog over the fate of sweet Sylhouette... " That's altogether my fault. I obviously missed the first mention of the crowd in the promo, and wrote the second one in an effort to tie things together. My bad. Anyways, the thing is currently essential as there are about 56,745 people trying to get Epstein's belt, while no one seems interested in challenging Martin or Martinez. Not true, Gabriel Whitecross is clearly going after the NA belt held by Derek Martin. And I chalk it up to people just being terrified of the Last American Badass. "Not a fan of wrestlers catching on fire." Neither is Tumaffi. ![]() "On another note... I'm gonna seem like a tough customer, now... " NOW? "Sure, Epstein looks tough because he obstinately defends his title in spite of injuries, but he could have been made to look better still in the match itself, and it would not have changed a thing for Tumaffi." Well, that's more or less what I was going for. Dan Kidd is probably not wrong when he keeps calling Epstein the stupidest man alive. He is afterall the one who made the challenge for the death match. "Like the described UWF fans, I don't know what to make of it, or how to fit in Axis into the scheme of things from now on." Stay tuned for Nitro. "You know what I realize. I think I'd need a pic base of Vasquez or something," Just picture him as Antonio Banderas, with a mullet. "Still, it's appropriately depressing." That's all I've ever wanted. "And if so, how mad I should be at Beeby for not telling me to delay so that my own angles don't look entirely forgettable, for once." Get in line! |
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| Overly_Critical_Jue | Jun 17 2009, 10:14 AM Post #13 |
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Amigo, I ain't anybody but Juan Vasquez!
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![]() Ummm...there. Now you can forever imagine Juan Vasquez as a grumpier Oscar de la Hoya. |
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| RedRajah | Jun 17 2009, 10:26 AM Post #14 |
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Shocked Woona is Shocked
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But will Vasquez ever try to rap like Oscar?
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| And here's where I pretend to be a writer... | |
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| Jay Steele Was Declared DeadNOT | Jun 17 2009, 10:43 AM Post #15 |
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Unregistered
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I see the DaMarks as being in their own little world, kinda like Greece was for the Frats. Their faves, beliefs, and feelings are no reflection on those of the crowd as a whole. 99% of the audience would still be reeling from what happened with poor Sylhouette, while the 5-10 delusional fans or so who center their worlds around Trey will erupt upon any mention of him or his title chase. They're a little strange like that. |
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