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Show Four
Topic Started: Jan 20 2010, 08:38 PM (173 Views)
ratrangerm
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[Fade in: Once again, your host of Total Drama Wrestling, Randy Grant! Here, as usual, to give you the rundown about what happened on the last show. Because given a long hiatus, you all could probably use a refresher course about the last episode.]

RG: Last time on Total Drama Wrestling, the nine competitors set out on a quest to become a literal King of the Mountain.

Keisha Love and Simon O'Neal seemed content to work together... but the same applied to Suzie Machina and Kevin McCabe.

Ikuto Nagashima showed his willingness to take risks, Gabby RioPaah showed her willingness to take on the obstacles head on, and American Freebear showed his willingness to take anybody who dared set foot in his path head on.

There were some tremors felt, a reasonable facsimile of lava to overcome and a few other surprises that were in store for our competitors.

Meanwhile, Jack Keening at first appeared to have a different idea about how to claim the prize, but failing that, he ended up working his way up the mountain... and surprised everyone by actually claiming the crown.

Well, surprised everyone but himself, as we would later find out.

But in the end, it was Yano Masoyoshi finding his run coming to an end as he was the one voted off the competition.

Who will follow him out the prison door?

Who will be the next to surprise us all with their talents?

And who will be responsible for cleaning up the mess left in the prison yard, because I certainly don't have time to do it!

Well, there's one thing I'm responsible for... and that's giving you the rundown about what takes place this week on...

TOTAL!

DRAMA!

WRESTLING!

[And as usual, Cheap Ass Productions is to cheap to put together an opening! Hey, now you all know exactly how that company got its name.

We just head right to the dining hall where our eight remaining competitors are dining on the finest cuisine... which, in this case, means microwaveable Raman noodles and beef jerky. High in sodium, low in nutrition, yes indeed.

And as the competitors dine on what little food they get to eat, Randy Grant and Raymond Elbert walk into the dining room. The two of them are carrying a large box filled with pillows.]

RG: Good morning, competitors... I trust you have had your fill of food for the day.

RE: If you haven't, well, too bad! It's not our fault the cook decided to take the day off!

RG: Well... actually, we had to fire the cook. Budget cutbacks, you know.

RE: Budget cutbacks? I was told I'd be getting paid well for doing my job here!

RG: Relax... your salary will be paid in full. Although cutting the cook was necessary in order to ensure you were paid in full.

RE: Well, then it sucks to be that cook!

RG: But enough about the show's budget... it's time to get to the challenge this week.

In wrestling, a match without rules is often referred to as a street fight. Now, why in the world it's called a street fight when the match isn't held out on a major road or highway, one cannot say for certain.

RE: Well, it sure would put more asses in the seats to see two wrestlers fight on the interstate! They could declare the winner being the first person who doesn't get hit by a semi!

RG: [twisted laugh] If only there weren't liability concerns involved there! But getting back to the matter at hand... we figured today was a good time to have a good old fashioned street fight.

With that in mind, though, we have to have our own unusual twist to it... and because we can't afford the liability insurance involved with having you actually fight on a highway, you will be engaging in battle with these!

[He pulls out one of the pillows.]

RG: Each of you is going to get a pillow... and each of you will then have the option of various pieces of scrap metal parts, available in the metal shop, to fillow up your pillow case. You can customize your pillow to either deliver an instant impact with a heavy load, or a lighter load that can deliver multiple shots in succession.

You will all then take your pillows and be placed inside a ring in the prison yard, where your task is knock your opponents out of the ring, using the stuffed pillow as your weapon. Anyone who goes outside of the ring for any reason will be eliminated and the last person standing will gain invincibility.

So... everyone come claim a pillow and get ready for a street pillow fight!

[As the wrestlers get up, Raymond pulls Randy aside.]

RE: So there isn't going to be a slumber party tonight?

RG: Um... no. Why would you want that?

RE: Because I would be intrigued to see these chumps take part in a game of Spin the Bottle.

RG: [maniacal laugh] You are sick and twisted... and that's why I love working with you!

[The scene opens to the metal shop. It's here that we find "Tokyo Bad Boy" Ikuto Nagashima, looking through piles and piles of metal and machinery. He's wearing a fab, pink, Versace tuxedo, his hair styled in a faux hawk and his fingers adorned with gold. He tosses equipment left and right, apparently not finding whatever it is that he's looking for.]

Ikuto: I'm looking for the right pieces to make just the right impact.

[He stops and flashes the camera a smirk.]

Ikuto: See, while these other fools waste their time with their useless scheming chitter and chatter,

[He rolls his eyes and waves his hand.]

Ikuto: I am here, making sure that I get the very _best_ that this little...shop has to offer.

[He takes a look around and frowns.]

Ikuto: Granted, it is not much, but I will make the best of it, as I have throughout this entire unfortunate affair. Because Ikuto Nagashima is a step above these others. I have proven it time and time again, as I have left these ragga muffins consistently outclassed. And I will do it again tonight.

Because, at the end of the day, I am determined to walk away from this shambles as champion. After all, you don't see me wasting my time with the stupid politics or other foolishness.

[He turns up his nose.]

Ikuto: Because _I_ have my eyes on the prize, which separates me from these losers and puts me on a whole other level, which you will witness for yourself tonight. Now, begone, peasants!

[The scene fades.]

[Cut to show the interior of our fair prison's metal shop. Dominating the screen, a heavy chopping block-style counter top serves as host to a bizarre contraption. Without context, the hunk of metal's nature is incomprehensible, but as luck would have it someone arrives to explain it. Unshaven, Jack Keening appears to be possessed by the ghost of Billy Mays, his jacket gone and dress shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and his focus is on the hunk of metal.]

JK: Folks, Jack Keening here to tell you about the chairbell! This device has a thousand and one uses.

[Picking up the object so the camera can get a good view. It looks like someone (Jack) has removed the plaque on which the ringbell was mounted and bolted the bell onto a steel folding chair.]

JK: How many times have you needed something to sit on, only to find that you needed to make a loud, piercing ringing noise? If you answered anything other than zero, then the chairbell is for you!

[Jack moves down a few steps, followed by the camera, and stands before a cabbage.]

JK: It slices! It dices!

*SPLAT!*

[The first shot with the chairbell explodes the cabbage.]

JK: It tenderizes!

*CRUSH!*

[The second shot with the chairbell puts a gaping hole in the wood of the counter.]

JK: And it lets everyone know when it's time to eat!

*DING!* *DING!* *DING!*

JK: Soup's on, fellow inmates!

[Beat.]

JK: And best of all, it fits neatly into a pillowcase.

[Producing the case from underneath the counter, Jack demonstrates. Yes indeed, it fits! He gives a tense smile and takes a slow-motion test swing.]

JK: Can you imagine how much damage this thing could do to the brainpan of a human being? The central bolt of the bell is only about half an inch across, the bell is about 10 pounds, the chair 15. That's 25 pounds focused to a single point and propelled by two strong hands. Everyone should tune in to the next Total Drama Action and see the trial run for themselves. After that, you'll want to order your very own Chairbell, only 10 payments of $99.99! Until then, this is Jack Keening, insert catchphrase here!

[Fade to black as Jack shoots a cheesy smile at the camera.]

[Fade in.]

[We open to the cell of Keisha Love. The young woman is standing there with her arms crossed, arrogant smirk on her face. She's wearing a pink, hooded, sweat shirt and matching sweat pants. She also wears tennis shoes, her black hair pulled back and styled in a ponytail, falling down her back.]

Keisha: Well, that's one down. Granted, it's not the one that I wanted. But I'll take it.

[She shrugs.]

Keisha: After all, it still gets me and Simon closer to our goal. And tonight, we make yet another step. Because we are going to dominate this pillow fight. I mean, how hard can it be? It's just swinging a pillow. Of course, that pillow is going to be filled with all sorts of nasty treats, treats that I won't mind using against _anyone_ who steps in my way.

[She reaches down on her bed and snatches up a pillow case, brandishing it with a grin.]

Keisha: Especially you, Machina. You think you're so damned tough, don't you, Suzie? Walking around like the queen of the castle.

[She rolls her eyes.]

Keisha: Well, I think you're a cheap poser! And I can't wait to load this thing up and slap it upside your empty head a couple of times. Normally, I'm all about business, when it comes to this competition. But I'll make the exception, just this once, if it means knocking you silly a couple of times.

[She sniffs.]

Keisha: Anyway, I've got to get ready. Because Simon and I have got plans tonight.

[Fade out.]

[We cut to Suzie Machina in the metal shop, picking through what's left of the metal pieces left lying around the shop. Suzie idly speaks to the camera as she peruses the metal.]

SM: So here we are, at another stupid challenge. I didn't like pillowfights when I was in the 4th grade, and I don't like them now. Mainly because the other little girls would throw in knees and fists with the pillows, and plead innocent when I showed anyone the bruises afterwards. I wonder where those girls are now. Probably in college or something, in some beige and banal existence. I lost the fight, but I won the war. And I bet I could kick their asses if we met again.

Sorry, I'm rambling.

[Suzie picks up a wrench and takes an experimental swing. She puts it down again, shaking her head.]

SM: Not enough surface area. I got to admit, this is turning into a bad trip. And not just from withdrawal... from my usual circumstances.

[Machina stares down at her right hand. It's shaking. She swats at it with the other hand, glowering at the disobedient body part.]

SM: I feel like I'm losing control of what's happening around me. I mean, I'm allied with Kevin, but that also makes me a target. And at the moment 2 is not a majority. The only guarantee is to win immunity.

[She picks up a jagged piece of metal and bangs it against the counter. It bends. Disgusted, Suzie tosses it aside.]

SM: There's nothing good left in here... hey, wait a minute...

[Cut to a short while later. Suzie Machina has the steel chair she won in the first challenge under an industrial saw. Sparks fly up, not quite reaching Machina's unprotected eye. She's not dumb, just reckless. After a short while Suzie has two halves of a steel chair -- both of which fit quite nicely into a pillowcase.

SM: Good old Steel Chair. You're my only real friend.

[And she just sawed this "friend" in two.]

[The camera pans in to see a Machine shop and hear a screeching sound. The camera pans over to see "Mighty Bastard" Simon O'Neal dragging part of an engine over towards a set of wrenches. As Simon drops the engine and grabs a wrench, he lifts up his grey Fedora and looks at the camera.]

SO: So I received a couple votes this past week. That shows that at least a couple people are recognizing who the threat is- that'd be me. I'm a little surprised- I thought I picked out the only person that smart and teamed up with them.

[Wait a second- Simon teamed up with two people. So who does he think... never mind]

SO: So the key thing is to find those that are smarter than I thought and eliminate them before they get allies. Winning challenges makes me a bigger threat- but it also helps me, because the reward is a often a free vote. So I plan on doing...

[With a grunt, Simon removes part of the engine- and places it in his pillow case]

SO: ... whatever it takes to win.

[Inside the prison serving as a set for TDW, within the metal workshop from which everyone produces their "stuffings" for the Street Pillow fight... We find the American Freebear staring wistfully at the work bench located to his right.]

"You know what I really want to build for the big fight? A ROCKET PACK. Also, roller skates."

[I am sad to report to you that the American Freebear is presently stuck in his own little world.]

"Then I'd build a ramp and WHEEEEEEEEE- THE AMERICAN FREEBEAR IS THE ONLY BEAR THAT FLIES!!!!"

[As consolation, I can vouch that the American Freebear is stuck in a very happy little world.]

"But I've got bad news for EVERYONE still commited to TDW!!! That's right, the American Freebear has built his ROLLER SKATES!!!! And I oiled 'em right too, good job considering it's my first time behind a metal shop. In fact, I think I deserve the right to win the contest right now... but then I'd be missing on all the fun that is to come."

[At which point, the 338 pound athetic big man known for his awe-inspiring top rope moonsault begins to flash a sinister smile...]

"You can stuff your pillow cases with anything you want, everybody knows that when the American Freebear hits you just once, it's over! Riding these skates brings me about thirty years back, but when I strike you with a big bag full of licence plates you'll be knocked back into prehistory! Nothing can stop a flying bear on roller skates, AND THIS BEAR YOU CANNOT CHANGE!!! DIRECTIONS!!! WATCH OUT IN FRONT!!!"

[Further nightmares forthcoming.]

[Meanwhile, in the metal shop…]

GABBY: Right. Here goes then.

[Gabrielle RioPaah looms over a large angle grinder. The huge 10 inch graphite blade hovers above her right hand, which still has the brass knuckles wedged around her fingers. She notices the camera and speaks in her Liverpool-by-way-of-Samoa accent.]

GABBY: Oh. ‘Ello. Uh, look. I already found my implement, all right?

[She picks up the pillowcase.]

GABBY: I chose a toaster for maximum mass to injury ratio, compact efficient size, and because I always enjoyed seeing Bronson Pinchot bloodied and bludgeoned in the TV movie version of Stephen King’s “The Langoliers.” Plus… I need a toaster.

[She blinks.]

GABBY: I… like toast.

[Another awkward pause.]

GABBY: Don’t know why I needed to tell you all that, eh. Well, I got enough time left to cut these brass knuckles off me hand.

[She dons a plastic face shield before sticking her hand below the circular grinder blade.]

GABBY: Safety first, of course.

[She turns the saw on and it screams to life. She lowers the blade, and in a shower of sparks the old grinder shorts out. She sighs, placing her hands on her hips, unaware that one of the sparks leapt up in to her bird’s nest of hair on her head.]

GABBY: Flippin’ Nora.

[And then we fade up to the marked-off area in which the competitors will do battle with their loaded pillows. And there's Randy Grant and Raymond Elbert standing nearby.]

RG: Looks like our competitors have all made their decisions regarding how to prepare their weapons.

RE: And somebody got some wheels as well.

[That would be American Freebear, for those who are keeping track... he and his homemade roller skates.]

RG: Well, there's nothing in the rules that says you can't don roller skates.

[This makes some of the other competitors groan.]

RG: But the way I see it is this... if he gets out of control, it could be total wipeout, dude!

RE: Now that's something I'd like to see from Captain Caveman!

RG: All right, competitors... you all are to enter this area and take a position... remember, if you are knocked out of the marked-off area, you are out of there!

RE: Believe me, I will be watching you closely! Nothing gets past my eyes!

RG: Aren't referees supposed to miss something once in a while, though?

RE: Only when I'm looking the other way... which ain't gonna happen!

PILLOW STREET FIGHT
And so, each of the competitors took a spot inside the circle and, upon the sounding of an airhorn, the fight got underway. American Freebear, for his part, was rolling around on his skates, swinging a pillow case filled with old license plates, doing his best to make contact with whoever was in his path. Suzie Machina, having cut her steel chair in half and stuffed into a pillow case, didn't just utilize her weapon, but also took time to go to the air with dropkicks, trying to knock people off balance.

Meanwhile, Simon O'Neal, who entered battle with his trademark Fedora atop his head, chose a pillow case filled with smaller pieces of metal, with the intent of swinging often instead of slowly with a heavy load, as it were. He paired himself with Keisha Love for the time being, and they first targeted Machina and Kevin McCabe. Gabby RioPaah stuck with an old toaster wrapped up inside her case, taking her frustrations out on Ikuto Nagashima.

RE: Does this mean that Gabby just became the toast of the town?

RG: Bad jokes never get old, do they?

Machina and McCabe ended up getting separated, with Love focusing more on Machina as O'Neal backed off. Jack Keening, meanwhile, had been avoiding contact with anyone, spending more of his time as a bystander, not really using that ring bell bolted to a steel chair stuffed inside the pillow case. But as American Freebear came charging toward McCabe, swigning wildly, Keening saw an opportunity to strike as well, jumping in to swing at McCabe as well.

As if taking a cue from Keening, O'Neal opted to join into the fray, and with Love keeping Machina at bay, McCabe found himself overpowered in a three-on-one disadvantage, ultimately being backed up to the edge of the circle, where a quick shove from Keening knocked him over the line.

O'Neal and Keening were then quick to back off lest they get into a tangle with Freebear. But as they did, Machina was able to pin Love to the side of the circle, and as Love tried to swing her loaded pillow, Machina used her pillow to swat Love's away, then a quick tackle took Love off her knees. Machina then swung full force at Love, sending her rolling out over the line.

RE: Kevin McCabe and Keisha Love are gone! Go sit on the sidelines and hang your heads in shame!

RG: And just like that, we are down to six!

RioPaah and Nagashima had been doing battle, but it was at that point that Freebear opted to charge both competitors, swinging wildly, although it did mean he had difficulty controlling his direction. But it was good enough for him to force Nagashima to stumble backwards, and as he did, he found himself sprawling out of bounds, the third competitor to be eliminated from the fight.

RioPaah tried to capitalize as Freebear struggled to get his balance back, swinging away with the toaster wrapped inside a case. But that then allowed Keening his opportunity to come in from behind, nailing RioPaah in the back of the head. Dazed, Freebear was able to regain control and then swung wildly to cause RioPaah to stagger backwards. And then a final swing from Keening put RioPaah out of the circle to end her run.

RE: And that does it for Gabby and Ikuto! There's the bench... sit down and try to keep yourselves entertained.

RG: And then there were four.

Machina continued to resort to quick strikes as well as hitting O'Neal with her pillow in an attempt to eliminate him. But that was when the Freebear came rushing into the picture, swinging wildly and connecting with Machina, causing her to stumble to the ground. Freebear then sized up O'Neal and swung at him, with O'Neal using his pillow as a shield.

Keening then decided to take his shot, sneaking up behind Freebear and hitting him in the back. He and O'Neal then took turns swinging away, but Freebear managed to fight back, catching O'Neal by surprise with a hard shot to the midsection. With O'Neal doubled over, Freebear turned to Keening, who then decided to turn tail and run away.

But as he did this, Machina swiftly stuck out a foot to trip him up, causing him to sprawl toward the edge of the circle. Freebear stayed in pursuit, swinging away with all his might and managing to knock Keening off balance and out of the playing field.

Yet then Machina sized up Freebear, who had momentarily lost his balance... she connected with a dropkick to the back, and Freebear's roller skates caused him to move forward quickly. Before he could catch himself, Machina smacked him in the back of the head and Freebear fell forward and out of bounds.

RE: And that does it for Freebear and Keening! Better luck next time, fools!

RG: We are down to Suzie Machina and Simon O'Neal!

Machina and O'Neal cautiously approached each other, until Machina decided to go for broke and try to dropkick O'Neal, but the man known as the Mighty Bastard dodged the attempt, then quickly swung his pillow and repeatedly hammered Machina in the back. Machina somersaulted away, stopping herself just before she reached the edge, then dodged an attempted swing by O'Neal.

She then was able to catch O'Neal with a loaded pillow case shot to the knees, and then she got to her feet and began to swing away, in hopes of pushing O'Neal over the line. O'Neal swung at her with his case, but then Machina managed to knock it from his hands... sending it out of bounds in the process... and leaving O'Neal helpless to retrieve it lest he be eliminated.

RG: Now this is gonna get interesting! What will O'Neal do without his weapon?

RE: Raising up the white flag might be an option.

O'Neal then found himself curling up to protect himself as Machina hammered away. Unable to get him to budge, Machina took a few step back, then bull rushed him, only for O'Neal to sidestep her.

Machina was able to catch herself before going out of bounds, but then found herself being grabbed by O'Neal, who then delievered a mighty headbutt with his Fedora-donned head. And as this happened, Machina fell to the ground, knocked for a loop. Lying right along the edge, Machina found herself being kicked in the ribs by O'Neal several times and forced out of the ring, leaving Simon O'Neal the last person standing.

RG: And we have a winner... Simon O'Neal has won the street pillow fight!

[O'Neal removes his fedora, smirking as he removes a piece of metal he had hidden inside it.]

RE: Wait a minute! He had that metal inside that hat of his?

RG: Well... there was nothing in the rules against it, was there?

RE: Do we need to check the rulebook?

RG: What rulebook? Hey, if Freebear can wear a pair of homemade skates, O'Neal can put a piece of metal inside the hat.

RE: Works for me.

RG: So congratulations to Simon O'Neal, who has won invincibility this round! And the rest of you... one of you has just seen their last action on Total Drama Wrestling. Get ready for a nice dinner... and get ready to send somebody home!

RE: Nice dinner? Nicer than ours?

RG: Only if you consider Swanson Hungry Man to be nicer than Angus beef.

[Fade out.]
"Just as I discovered the meaning of life, it changed." -- George Carlin
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