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HOUSE OF THROWDOWN 1/21/10; That's ALMOST on time! Holy crap!
Topic Started: Jan 29 2010, 02:16 PM (247 Views)
Overly_Critical_Jue
Member Avatar
Amigo, I ain't anybody but Juan Vasquez!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
* Some thoughts from Gold Rush, as I watched from the backstage area
(instead of, you know, actually wrestling):

- I'm still not sure how Trey DaMann is standing. I can see _how_ DaMann
won the title- Epstein's been battling injuries all cycle, Serge takes
out Tumaffi, whoever the guy in the black mask is took out Vasquez, and
DaMann's always been a smart operator. But in his physical condition I
(and just about everyone else) thought he was a dead man walking who had
no business being in that ring. I'm glad he's going out as champion,
though- he needs to concentrate on getting well first.

- Whitecross and Martin stole the show, reminding everyone both that
Martin is the #2 champion in the UWF- and that Whitecross is a legend in
wrestling. I would not be shocked if Martin was pushed as a World Title
contender now

- Donna Tetreault is now 0-2 snce picking Nikki 'Lodestone' as her
protege. Just thought I'd point that out

- And Kyle Lee is the new owner of the UWF. This one strikes me as
interesting.

- There's a story told in the locker room. Several years ago, one of the
bigger feds was expanding into other territories to undercut the
competition. Well, they ended up in Dallas, holding a show one weekend
instead of the MBC. Now, the MBC has a reputation as an oddball fed, but
I've been told by a lot of wrestlers that "The MBC itself is fine- it's
the fans who are nuts!" Apparently, the fans booed the people the
fedhead wanted them to cheer, cheered the wrestlers they were supposed to
boo, started a "Hamsterbation!" chant at one of the valets, and gave a
standing ovation to one of the referees, cheering him over everyone
including the fed's champion and challenger. The fedhead was overheard
after the card swearing that it'd be a cold day in Hell before he ever
came back to Dallas again. The MBC is the only fed to have been known to
thrive in the Dallas fanbase.

- So Kyle Lee is an owner who knows the UWF (being a former champion) and
knows the business (having run the MBC for years). I'm not sure if all
of the MBC's ideas will work in the UWF, but they've managed to work
together before.

- The Pros? A lot of new talent and matchups. The Cons? The MBC have a
ton of women on the roster- and I'm getting buried as it is. I'm going
to need to do something to stand out. Overall, I'm cautiously optimistic
of the new owner.

* All right- let's see how this new hybrid works out.

* House of Throwdown comes from the Air Canada Centre in Toronto,
Ontario, Canada

* We start off with a set of vignettes, including participants from the
first match:
=====================================

MALE VOICE: ...And I might even be able to get you a shot at the North
American championship!

[Mr. Brad "Attitude" Collins, the UWF's impresario extraordinaire, and
agent to...]

FEMALE VOICE: Next you're going to be telling me I'm playing Mary-Jane in
the "Spiderman" reboot.

[...Corvette, the sardonic four-foot-ten ginger high flier.]

COLLINS: No, but I think we can start a similar comic franchise where
you'd play the female equivalent of Spiderman.

[She rolls her eyes.]

CORVETTE: Look, Brad... what are you trying to accomplish by buttering me
up? Has it been eighteen months already? Do you want a bigger percentage
of my action?

COLLINS: In order: it's not buttering you up... seventeen months... yes,
but we can work on that after the merch deals get rolling.

CORVETTE: Wait, what? Merchandise?

COLLINS: Oh yeah. After Sylhouette's... departure, a huge hole opened up
in her primary demographic and you're the perfect fit for her spot.

CORVETTE: Spot? Dude, the girl's probably being Stepford-ized right now
like they do to people who become Scientologists!

COLLINS: Well, reprogramming aside, there's a lot of money to be had
here. T-shirts, headbands, you name it. I got a whole case full of "SPEED
KILLS" shirts in red and electric blue ready to hit the UWF arenas, and
with Mighty Bastard on board, you REALLY need to sell yourself. I'm
thinking you need a new catchphrase too.

CORVETTE: You can't just invent a catchphrase and force it on the world.

COLLINS: I'm thinking along the lines of, "you know you want me, baby!"

[Brad Collins delivers it with gusto.]

CORVETTE: How about something that'll make me sound terrible in eight
years, like, "you ARE the Weakest Lin--"

COLLINS: Okay, okay! I was joking, all right? Can't a guy have a little
fun teasing his business partner? Hell, you do it to me enough times...

CORVETTE: It's just that... You've been kind of crass ever since the
whole Sylhouette deal went down.

COLLINS: Oh really? You met once when you were kids and suddenly you feel
like you owe her something. Trust me, Allison: if the chips were down and
if the only way she could get ahead would be to step on your throat, you
don't think she'd do it? At Angels and Amazons if you were two of the
last three in the battle royal you don't think she'd turn on you in an
instant? I may come off as greedy and buffoonish but know how this
business works and THAT is why I am in charge of your affairs. You lost
in the Gold Rush preshow and with the influx from MBC you have to get
that momentum back.

CORVETTE: And how do you propose I do that?

COLLINS: You just worry about what goes on in the ring. I'll handle the
rest. Flights, rentals, opponents... that's my job and I'm grateful to do
it for the UWF's top rising female star.

CORVETTE: Well... Thanks, Brad.

[Exit Corvette.]

COLLINS: And thank you, Mr. Schmidt.
=====================================

[Winter in Toronto, a stark sight. What few people left out on Yonge
Street hurry to shuffle out of the snow and biting cold, not bothering to
look up or out.

Save one.

Bundled up in a heavy coat, Orin "The Lynx" LeBlanc nods at the camera, a
thoughtful expression on the man's face for a change.]

OL: Ain't been home in a while. Give or take an hour anyway... [He
shrugs, sighing] Don't remember you too much, Fitzgerald. Now that
ain't a knock on you or anything, but the right truth o' the matter is I
stayed with Rip City an' Portland to the very end. You? You were just a
blink an' you miss it.

[The Lynx shakes his head slightly, a few snowflakes still sticking to
his shaggy hair.]

OL: Now you're breezin' in to the UWF, makin' the save on Mister Double
Vee's end. An' that's all well an' fine. But before I start bein'
impressed, understand I'm now callin' UWF home. I'm stayin'.

Can you say the same this time around?

[LeBlanc punctuates that last statement with a small snort, his breath
puffing out in a white cloud. With one last nod, he continues down Yonge
Street as we fade out.]
======================================

[On cue, the scene moves backstage at the Air Canada Centre, more
specifically within the confines of one of the many dressing rooms tucked
away among the hallowed halls. And this individual's dressing quarters
are nothing special. No plush furniture. No lavish furnishings. No Dom
on the rocks, ready to be sprayed around the room in an impromptu
celebration. None of that. Simply seated on a fold-out metal chair is
the toned physique of an already perspirating individual. Unfortunately
for Raptors fan(s), the man is not Chris Bosh - but rather, AWA newcomer
Bailey Fitzgerald.]

BF: Sorry to disappoint.

[Fitzgerald shrugs a shoulder, beginning to lace his right wrestling
boot.]

BF: But to respond to all the "Who's that?" whispers that are no doubt
circulating the arena, once again, I'm Bailey Fitzgerald. My resume is
about as full as the paper you'll find in a Xerox machine and I don't
come here having any beef with half the guys on the payroll, as is
usually the case. I'm not here for revenge or retribution or any of that
jazz - simply put, I signed on with the UWF... so the bank doesn't
foreclose on my house.

[The shrug returns as he works his way up his boot.]

BF: Tonight, I see my first night of action. And in a simple twist of
fate, it's against a man I shared a few bus rides with a couple years
back - Orin LeBlanc. But those days? Pffft. I want to say I had a
pretty big head on my shoulders and found myself around some guys I had
no business being around. And I don't mean, like, I fell in with the
wrong crowd or whatever. I mean, on talent alone, I had no right being
in the same area code as the guys I was rubbing elbows with. That's not
easy for a lot of guys to say, but for me, it's about as common as, "Big
Mac, super-size fry, thanks."

[He shoots a glance toward his midsection and moves to his left boot.
Fitzgerald turns his attention to his lacing, his eyes no longer on the
camera. He continues nonetheless.]

BF: It would be real easy for me to sit back here, do a l'il shadow
boxing, crack my neck a few times, stick my chest out and start boasting
like Dylan about how things are different now and times have changed.
But I can't tell you I'd believe a word of it any more than anybody who's
actually listening, and didn't bolt for the john the moment the feed cut
this way.

[Fitzgerald picks his head and offers a nod to the camera guy. His
attention soon returns south.]

BF: I would love to be able to tell y'all something about myself that
distinguishes me from all the other Tom, Dick and Harrys, but I can't.
My only other time in the spotlight, I went all in and got busted and put
to pasture before I even had the chance to ask about my severance. And
now? Add another three years to that. Three years of tuna fish out of
the can. Three years of bunny-ears TV on Friday nights.

[He shakes his head in dismay, tying off his left boot in disgust.]

BF: For me, my time in the UWF begins tonight. But it's not, nor will it
be, about what I hope to gain here.

[Fitzgerald abruptly stands, for the first time showing he is fully
dressed in his wrestling garb, ready for action.]

BF: It's about what I can't afford to lose.

[Cut back to commentators.]
======================================

* Orin LeBlanc vs. Bailey Fitzgerald. Both promising rookies from Rip
City, now in the UWF. Fitzgerald starts off with a headlock takeover,
and delivers a nice back suplex early on. But Bailey charges into the
corner and lands shoulder-first, and LeBlanc takes over with an armdrag,
really focussed on the right shoulder. LeBlanc hits a shoulderbreaker,
then goes for the Missing Lynx surfboard, before Fitzgerald is able to
come back with a dropkick that catches LeBlanc by surprise. A high cross
bodyblock by Fitzgerald gets a two count, but Fitzgerald goes for a
backdrop too soon and LeBlanc is able to turn it into the Snowblind
(Guillotine Leg Drop). LeBlanc goes back to the arm with a hammerlock
slam, and an armbar submission, but Fitzgerald is able to get back to his
feet and use a monkey flip to escape. A superkick stuns LeBlanc, but
Fitzgerald's arm is too hurt to apply the Buffalo Sleeper properly, and
LeBlanc is able to pick Fitzgerald up and drive him backwards, head-
first, into the corner. Fitzgerald is stunned and Leblanc picks him up
for a Death Valley Driver, then roll him up for the three count.

WINNER: In 4:56, ORIN LEBLANC

* It's a bit of an upset. I've heard the UWF is high on LeBlanc and
Fitzgerald, but not sure what to do with them yet.

* Another vignette- this time from Eveline Ericksen.
======================================

["The Viking Vixen" is having a "Titanic" moment of her own, proudly
posing at the bow of a wooden Drakkar. The platinum blond hair that
unfurls out of her authentic hornless Viking helm flutters in a strong
breeze, like the lapels and tail of her parted long parted white coat. In
her hands, the powerful beauty flaunts the Women's North American
Championship to the frenetic sounds of a camera shutter taking perfect
shot after perfect shot.

Interrupting this picturesque photo shoot is her manager and sugar daddy,
short, balding and portly William Houlder who, as usual, is a stuttering
nervous wreck.]

WH: I...I...

EE: What do you want. I'm busy here.

WH: W-well, uh...

EE: I'm doing something important, Wallet. Get on with it already.

WH: I found a b-b-bodyguard.

EE: Ah! And you're certain he has what it takes to keep the likes of
Ginger Slut, Summer Blake, Akeyla Ruiz, those wretched Malone sisters or
the filthy little Swedish midget at bay?

WH: Oh-oh, yes, Leena. I-if-if he can't do it, n-no bodyguard could do
it. H-his resume is quite ass-ass-astounding.

EE: Is he here with you?

WH: Yes.

EE: I shall talk to him, then.

[Houlder turns to wave in his candidate as Eveline poses once more,
holding Summer Blake's Women's North American Championship in one hand, a
battle ax in the other. Even though it's probably just a prop, it's still
a totally hot mix of complete badassery and total hotness.

Those able to look away may notice a tall military-type with shades and a
buzz cut come in. Odds are, most only took note of Eveline's spectacular
bouncing cleavage as she was removing her helm.]

WH: Eveline, I'd like you to meet Mr. Schmidt.

Schmidt: A pleasure to meet you, Ms. Eriksen.

EE: What else would it be? William tells me you have some extensive
experience?

Schmidt: Affirmative. I am well versed in small unit covert deployments,
target tracking and capture as well as VIP protection.

WH: An-an-and that's just the tip of the Iceberg, hunney. Th-this guy can
it all! And he worked for really important people, too!

EE: Is that so.

Schmidt: Correct. I've done some contract work with a few European Royal
families, but I have also successfully dealt with the wrestling element
before. My fee us not negligible, however.

EE: Let's not worry about that, William will handle that, won't you,
Daddy?

WH: Um-err-um... Y-y-y-yes

EE: I'd say you only have one test to pass, Mr. Schmidt.

Schmidt: A test?

[In one graceful motion, the Valkyrie pulls off her long white coat
and... and a tiny-whiny little white bikini! Woot!

The bikini dance! Do the bikini dance!

The bikini dance! Do the bikini dance, HUH!]

EE: It's a test only a very few men have passed.

[OMG! The boobage!! The thongnosity!! How is he resisting? How can he not
do...

The bikini dance! Yeah, the bikini dance!

The bikini dance! It's the bikini dance, SCHWING!]

Schmidt: May I ask what the conditions and parameters of this test are?

[Is that man made of stone? What is wrong with... OMG!! She's bending
over! SHE'S BENDING OVER!!! Must... not... fap... like... pimply...
teen...]

EE: It's quite simple, you'll see. I only need to pick up this
championship belt, first. And then, as I wrap it around my bust, you
untie my top...

[HOLY MAMMA!! Think of baseball, think of baseball... No! No bats or
balls! Think... Politics! Yes, politics!]

Schmidt: Roger that. May I proceed?

[F-...! Hmmgh! Err... In the United States House Representatives, the
Speaker is... Nancy Pelosi...]

EE: You may.

[Oh NO! She took it off! And the belt it's... all that soft, bountiful
squishiness... POLITICS!

The Majority Leader is... Steny Hoyer... And Minority Leader is... John
Boehner... Boner? Boner? Aww, crap!

Looks like politics doesn't work either...]

EE: Congratulations, Mr. Schmidt.

Schmidt: Was that it?

EE: It is crucial that the man hired to watch my back does not simply
stare at my bottom instead.

[There... There is no shame in having failed this test. The belt bra...
Just... There is no need to feel ashamed, you are not alone. Did you
hear? You are not alone, Ronnie, you are not alone.

As she dons her white coat once again, the "Viking Vixen" continues.]

EE: So you said you've worked for some Royal Families?

WH: Y-yes, hunny. He worked for all sorts of European n-nobles, like Syl-
Syl-Syl...

Schmidt: He means Queen Silvia. Of Sw-

EE: SWEDEN? You worked for Sweden??

Schmidt: Affirmative. A matter most delicate, it turned out...

EE: She's not even a real queen, she's just a vulgar commoner! And
Princess Mette-Marit is much more beautiful that that disgusting Princess
Victoria.

Schmidt: That's none of my concern.

EE: I cannot associate myself with a man who worked for the enemy. All
things Swedish must be exterminated. Get this disgusting human being out
of my sight, Daddy!

WH: B-but...

EE: OUT OF MY SIGHT!!

Schmidt: Very well. Goodbye, Ms. Eriksen, Mr. Houlder.

WH: G-goodbye, Mr. Schmidt.

EE: OUT!!

WH: I-I.. sorry it didn't work out...

EE: SWEDISH TRAITOR!!

WH: He's gone, Leena, he's gone.

EE: Good. Swedish filth.

[She puts her Viking helm back on.]

EE: Let's take more photos.

[And change underwear. Or fade to black. Or both.]
======================================

· AJ Hudson takes on Akeyla Ruiz. Two of the MBC women that are
filling up a very crowded women's division. They lock up and Ruiz takes
control with a rather sloppy armbar. Hudson escapes for a pair of
forearms, but misses on a charge into the corner. Ruiz hits a dropkick,
then goes for a Texas Cloverleaf (bad mistake, IMHO- you need to work on
the back and legs before going for a Cloverleaf. Too soon and a wrestler
will be able to escape). Hudson makes the ropes, the referee calls for a
break, and Ruiz starts arguing with the referee, forgetting about Hudson.
Ruiz is so busy arguing that Hudson slips on a Cobra Clutch, then adds a
body scissor, and Ruiz gives up.

· Winner: In 3:10, AJ Hudson. Ruiz made a pair of mistakes in
the match and she'll need to improve her ring saavy if she expects to
win.

· We go to commercials (with Billy Mays dead, we're missing good
commercials- and no, I don't think Snuggies are that useful). And come
back to see Gamma Ray:

[We find ourselves in the back seat of a car, and judging by the complete
absence of leg room, surely we must be in the back seat of the iconic
Gamma-Mobile. It's a muscle car, but only in the sense that you often
have to push it off to the curb when the motor dies. It's a rusted three
door hatchback 1992 Ford Festiva, and it probably smells as good as it
looks.

Behind the wheel of this untamed roadster is the UWF's resident
superhero, Gamma Ray; sparkling green cape, black rubbery mask,
disheveled brown hair. Riding shotgun is provisional sidekick Orbit
garbed in an identical set of sparkling green cape and black rubbery
mask. He is wildly gesticulating a rolling motion with his arms.]

GR: What is it, Orbit? Rolling? We're already rolling around, you dolt!

[Orbit shakes his head, repeats the rolling motion, then points up.]

GR: Roll... up? Roll-up? Oh, you want to talk about Oz Rivera, is that
it?

[Orbit enthusiastically nods his head.]

GR: Well right now isn't the time, son. No. Before we can do that, I need
to know you've got the right stuff. Because if you hope to become a true
sidekick, Orbit, I have to know that you can handle yourself when dealing
with typical street ruffians and thwarting their petty felonies.
Thankfully, we're in Detroit. We should stumble upon some sort of crime
in progress any second, now.

[This might explain why the metropolitan scenery is so drab and bleak...]

GR: Meanwhile, here's what you absolutely need to know.

[The Irradiated One lets go of the clutch to ceremoniously lift a
finger.]

GR: FIRST... you can't haphazardly go around killing thugs. Is that
clear?

[Orbit frantically nods... the idea of killing people, even thugs, is too
appalling to him.]

GR: I know it's tempting, but it's simply too much of a hassle. Real life
ain't like the movies, unfortunately, and if you kill someone, people
tend to make a real fuss. There are some handy "self-defense" tricks you
can learn but here's the most relevant one to our cause: if you're the
second one to arrive on the scene, it's _never_ self-defense. The courts
figure you had the opportunity to leave as you were closest to the exit
and all. Even when you get back to your own home and find a burglar
stealing your lampshades. He was there first, you got there second: it's
not self-defense. And when you do what I do, you typically only get there
*after* the reprobate criminal. Therefore, exclusively use non-lethal
crime fighting methods. There's a certain finite neatness to simply icing
the mother[BLEEP]ers, but the damned judicial system really gets its
panties in a bunch over it. No killing, Orbit. Not even accidentally. Is
that clear?

[Orbit nods, still a bit shocked by the subject being covered.]

GR: What we vigilantes can do is called a "citizen's arrest." You kick
the delinquent's [BLEEP] just enough to incapacitate him, then you tie
him up. Then you call the cops and get the hell out of dodge before
anyone can id you. Got that?

[Orbit nods.]

GR: Don't beat the [BLEEP]er up too much, though, otherwise they'll
counter sue for assault and battery which, again, is the type of [BLEEP]
you really want to avoid. Learned that one the hard way, I'll tell you
that much. And then, a lot of 'em punks try to counter sue your citizen's
arrest with "Wrongful Imprisonment" lawsuits, but those tend to be
inevitable. Frankly, if you don't have a couple wrongful imprisonment
charges against you at anytime, you're probably not doing your job as a
superhero right. Got it?

[Orbit nods again, suddenly wondering what he's getting himself into.]

GR: That's why we need full time jobs like wrestling and need to get
diverse and creative with out financial portfolios, see? With all the
lawsuits you'll have to go through, you'll need a [BLEEP]load of moolah
to pay all the lawyers and stuff. That, and have a few outstanding
warrants in a State or two. If I didn't need to spend so much money in
lawyers, we'd be cruisin' in a Hummer right now, my inadequate friend.

[Orbit wishes...]

GR: Here's a tip; start a small business. Any small business. You really
want to be able to deduct all sorts of crap when it's time to file in
your taxes, and your small business is exactly the kind of loophole...
Oh! Hold on, hold on...

[The car slows down to... an even slower speed. Up ahead, two youths are
transporting a TV from a dark apartment building to a pick-up truck. By
the looks of it, they're likely students in the middle of a move.]

GR: Ah-Ha! What do we have here... Looks like a robbery in progress.

[Orbit isn't quite sure about that.]

GR: Alright. Time to fight some crime, my eager yet unprepared little
companion. I can't send you into the fray without knowing how it's done,
so here's what we're going to do. You slip behind the wheel, and I'll
deal with the purloining burglars. Once I'm done phoning the piggies, you
step on that pedal and speed out of here. ... Go!

[Gamma Ray gets out of the car as Orbit deftly takes his seat. Suddenly,
the Irradiated One's head pops back into the car window.]

GR: But don't burn too much rubber, though, otherwise the engine
overheats and dies. So, like... speed away, but not too fast. Got it?
Good.

[The Virtuous Vigilante retracts his head from the window and disappears
from the screen again. In the distance, the youths are busily maneuvering
a cumbersome commode onto the bed of their truck. Which is when Gamma Ray
pops back into frame... at the driver-side window again.]

GR: Also, the car tends to veer left on its own, so don't forget to
compensate. And make sure Whitney stays safe and sound on the back seat
over there. Don't want nothing to happen to my Universal IOU Championship
of the World, now, she's been through enough as it is... Alright, here we
go... You watch how it's done. Go!

[One of the youths almost drops the commode onto his foot, but catches
the bulky piece of furniture in time.]

GR: Oh, and, uh... The clutch is kinda quirky, so... worth keeping in
mind. OK. You watch carefully, now, Orbit. Saving the day. Here we go...

[This time, the Irradiated One does make his way towards his targets,
conspicuously tip-toeing on the sidewalk, intermittently hiding behind
inadequate cover like telephone poles and lampposts. Amazingly,
absolutely no one pays any attention to him.

Like a prowling feline, he pounces next to the duo of youngsters, pushing
the first to the ground with an effective sneak attack, then grabs the
second kid by the thigh and takes him down with some amateur wrestling.
Straddled by the superhero, the youth is doomed to suffer a thorough
beating... until his companion gets back to his feet, pulling a Beretta
from his belt. This is Detroit, after all.]

Orbit: !!!

[Gamma Ray has oft displayed tremendous amounts of technique and skill in
the ring, sometimes astonishing even the most discriminating of wrestling
fans with his style and grace. What we might have previously
underestimated is the man's foot speed.

In a flash of sparkling green, Gamma Ray bolts off the prone youth and
sprints away from his friend's firearm, heading straight for the Gamma-
Mobile.]

GR [fading in as he rapidly approaches]: GUN! GUN! GUN! START THE CAR YOU
[BLEEP] THEY HAVE A [BLEEP]ING GUN!

[The car door bursts open and the Virtuous Vigilante dives in. Orbit
speeds away (but not too fast) as the two laughing youths make "yeah, you
better run, beeyatch" signs. Soon, the Gamma-Mobile safely turns onto a
new street.]

GR [panting]: Also... Check if they have guns first. Coppers can deal
with the gun packing types. We vigilantes [pant] have to draw the line at
melee weapons. Has to do with that killing stuff [huff] I talked about
earlier.

[The Irradiated One turns around in the seat in order to sit right-side
up.]

GR: But yeah. Way to have my back over there, you incompetent fool! Any
sidekick worth his salt would have been right there to kick that gun
away! And where were you? That's right. Cowering in the car while my
[BLEEP] gets shot at.

[Orbit slumps his shoulders, sporting the demeanor of a sorry puppy.]

GR: I could have been killed, and it would have been your fault! If you
really want to become my sidekick, Orbit, and make something worthwhile
out of your waste of a life... well dropping the ball like this is _not_
the way to go!

[Gamma Ray looks behind him at the camera.]

GR: You didn't film this, did you?

Cameraman: Uh... no. Bad lighting... we couldn't see anything.

GR: Right. Good. Let's just... let's just head for Toronto, already.

[And... fade.]
======================================

[We fade into a shot inside the office of Allison Chambers. The commish's
office is filled with stacks of files and papers, her already busy
workload undoubtedly having increased as a result of the merger between
the UWF and MBC. In her hands, she holds a thin stack of papers, looking
over whatever it is that's written on them intently. She places the
document on her desk and looks up at whoever it is sitting across from
her with a reserved smile on her face.]

AC: Well, everything looks in order, Miss Ozaki, except for ummm...one
thing.

"Yes?"

[The camera pans over to the other side of the desk. There, sits the
aforementioned "Miss Ozaki", a young, flashy-looking bleach-blonde
Japanese girl. She's wearing a short-sleeved, pastel pink hoodie that
ends just somewhere right above her belly-button, unzipped just low
enough for us to see her "Fluent in Engrish" t-shirt and a piece of
frilly material that barely qualifies as a skirt. Her wavy hair is pulled
into two low pigtails, which dangle over her shoulders. Her hands are in
her jacket pockets and she's laying back into her chair with a bored look
on her face.]

AC: It's not something we really come across all the time in contract
negotiations. Actually, we don't come across some of the things you were
asking for in your contract _period._ But in all seriousness, I'm not
exactly sure if we can honor your request for...

[Allison clears her throat and reads off the page.]

AC: ..."50 kimono-clad geishas dancing in unison while pink and white
cherry blossoms float down from the heavens as Miyuki Ozaki ascends from
beneath the floor like Venus rising from the sea and..."

[She scans the page, trying to figure out just how long this description
goes, before giving up.]

AC: ...well, you know the rest.

[Miyuki frowns, not quite understanding what the problem is.]

Miyuki: What's wrong with that?

AC: It's just...a bit excessive, don't you think?

[Miyuki holds her hand up into the light, admiring her glittery nail
polish, not looking too concerned about Chambers.]

Miyuki: Not really.

AC: I mean...

[Our Japanese glamour girl rolls her eyes and gets an annoyed look on her
face.]

Miyuki: If Miyuki thinking it was excessive, she would not have requested
it!

[She proceeds to drop back into her seat, crossing her arms and pouts her
lips, staring "angrily" at Chambers. Really, all Miyuki manages to do is
look cute and adorable.]

AC: Well, if we took out some things, we might be able to get this to
work. Maybe reduce the number of dancers?

Miyuki: But that is most important part, Allison-chan! You ruin the
choreography if the numbers are not being correct!

AC: Jeez...

[Allison rubs her right temple and sighs. She takes a deep breath and
looks Miyuki in the eye, realizing that she needs to be a bit more direct
in her negotiations. Surprisingly enough, she begins to speak...in
Japanese.]

AC[In subtitles]: (Look, Miss Ozaki, I'll be frank with you. We
understand that you come highly recommended by our international talent
scouts and that you're extremely popular in Japan, but your costume
budget alone could pay for us to send someone to France and _buy_
Sylhouette back from her family...and I'm starting to think that would be
money better spent.)

[Miyuki looks at Chambers with her eyes open wide, not expecting that
sudden outburst of Japanese from Allison. A sly smirk forms on her gloss-
covered lips as she props an elbow on the desk and rests her chin on her
hand, suddenly fascinated by the commissioner. Oddly, Miyuki doesn't seem
as cutesy and ditzy as she was a few seconds ago.]

Miyuki: (So Miss Chambers, I'm just wondering, but...have you ever
actually
seen me wrestle?)

AC: (Well, I've been meaning to look over the dvd that the corporate
office sent me...)

[Allison rummages through some of the clutter around her office, before
tossing a dvd box onto her desk. On the cover, is a picture of seductive-
looking Miyuki dressed in a schoolgirl outfit with the words "ULTRA IDOL
PRETTY DEBUT!" strategically placed around her in pastel-colored
lettering. Miyuki picks it off the desk and holds it up for Allison to
see, shooting her a dirty look.]

Miyuki: (You mean this!?)

AC: Holy crap.

Miyuki: (This has nothing to do with wrestling! Is this what your company
bases its talent evaluations on? I run around on a beach and roll around
in the sand in a string bikini for 30 minutes and then I splash around in
a bathtub filled with milk for the rest of the video! Is this all you
think I do??? Just what kind of perverted wrestling promotion is this!?)

AC: (Well, Mr. Lee said he was big fan of your work and I...)

[Allison just realizes where she went wrong and mutters under her
breath.]

AC: Oh, I am so going to kill you, Kyle...

[Miyuki tosses the dvd box back onto the desk.]

Miyuki: (I guess I'll ask you again, Miss Chambers: "Have you ever
actually seen me wrestle?")

AC: (Unfortunately...I haven't. What does this have to do with having a
ridiculously expensive entrance?)

[Ozaki gives Allison a mischievous smile.]

Miyuki: (Trust me, Miss Chambers...I'm totally worth it.)

[Miyuki looks away, twirling one of her pigtails playfully.]

Miyuki: (And if you don't think I am...I'll go to France myself and
abduct all the little French girls you'll ever want.)

[Allison's eyes open wide at that. This girl seems wacky enough to
actually go and do that.]

AC: (That's not necessary, Miyuki. That...*really* isn't necessary.
Between Tumaffi setting random fires in arenas and Juan Vasquez offending
everyone within a hundred mile radius, our company has enough legal
issues to deal with as it is.)

[Her eyes move slowly to the dvd, causing her to give a small shudder.]

AC: (But...Mr. Lee obviously wants you on the roster. He made that _very_
clear.)

[A sigh.]

AC: (...I'm just not sure he's actually ever seen you wrestle either. Why
don't we start at...five dancing geishas and see where you go from
there?)

Miyuki: 20.

AC: 5.

Miyuki: 15.

AC: 5.

Miyuki: 10.

AC: 5.

[Miyuki takes a second to think over her next move. She smirks as those
gears turn in her pretty little peroxide'd head.]

Miyuki: (Five...and if anyone ever tries to kidnap me live on television,
your security staff actually tries to stop them rather than stand around
like morons and let strange people get away with abducting a cute foreign
girl for unknown and possibly immoral purposes.)

[Allison looks around with shifty eyes, before quickly holding out her
hand for a handshake.]

AC: Deal.

[Miyuki squeals with delight, reverting back to her cutesy-toned
English.]

Miyuki: THANK YOOOOU!!!

[She leaps out of her seat and bypasses the handshake, instead reaching
over and embracing Allison Chambers in a huge, bone crushing hug. Setting
Chambers down, Miyuki cups Allison's face with both her hands and
proceeds to plant a big wet one on the commissioner's lips before she
happily skips out of the room, leaving a flustered and slightly
blushing(!) Chambers completely bewildered. A high-pitched scream of
"BRING ON THE BITCHES!!!" can be heard off-camera as Allison Chambers
wonders to herself...]

AC: What the hell have we gotten ourselves into???

[Fade out.]
======================================

· Hold on here... we can get multiple Geisha dancing girls for our
entrances? Do you know how much trouble I had to go through with legal
about using a Killers song? There was so much copyright paperwork that I
had to go through...

· Sorry- getting a little bitter here. To be honest, I haven't seen Ms.
Miyuki wrestle, either. Allison, if you're reading this, I'll be glad to
show Ms. Miyuki what a "BITCH" can do to her in the UWF ring.
======================================

[The camera fades in on an exterior shot of the Air Canada Centre, the
new home of Mighty Bastard Championship and long time home of the
Universal Wrestling Federation. Standing in the parking lot is a
blond man, reasonably good looking, who's wearing jeans, a heavy
winter jacket and snow boots. Despite the bulky attire however a
perceptive person will notice the fellow is rather good shape. Those
fans familiar with puroresu will recognise him as G-Pro standout
Clayton Ross, though he's probably unknown in Canada and the US.]

Clayton: Some of you might recognise me from G-Pro over in Japan.
For those of you who don't, my name is Clayton Ross.
I hail from Saskatchewan originally but I've wrestled mostly in Japan
and although I did quite well for myself over there, I won't bore you
with the particulars at this time.
Now under ideal circumstances I would use this time to discuss my
upcoming match against Ronald Purcell on House of Throwdown. However
I find it neccesary to discuss something else before hand.

[Adjusting his jacket a little, it's Toronto in January after all and
thus quite cold, Clayton begins walking toward the Air Canada Centre
as he continues talking. Apparently he intends to head inside.]

Clayton: People who break the rules will always be a problem in
professional wrestling, that has been true for longer then I have been
alive and it will undoubtedly be true long after I'm dead but that
doesn't mean people shouldn't try to do something about it.
People like Crimson and Vengence have been causing trouble in
wrestling for a long time but just because I can't do something about
that for the entire industry, that doesn't mean I can't do something
about it in the part of the industry I work in.
As a result of the combined machinations of these two men, Vengence is
holding the MBC title, the MBC has been kicked out of most of the
United States of America and the preliminary wrestlers have been
mobilised as their own personal strike force.
They call themselves the Axis of Hate.

[Clayton scowls at the very mention of the name. Hardly surprising
really, he's the good guy what did you expect him to do upon
mentioning the orginization of ring villains, the Electric Slide?]

Clayton: I personally don't care what they call themselves.
Crimson and Vengence need to be stopped, it's that simple and if I
have to fight them and their cronies by myself that's what I'm going
to do.

Simple as that.

Anybody who wishes to help me fight them is welcome to do so but I
won't let a lack of assistance prevent me from doing what's necessary.

[Fade to black.]
=======================================

· Next match: Clayton Ross vs. Ronald Purcell. Purcell's managed by
Deanna Orlofski, who's wearing a gorgeous red blouse that really goes
well with her blonde hair. Purcell's starting out with a series of
forearms, using very basic moves, as Orlofski encourages her wrestler on.
I think I've seen her picture in a magazine somewhere... can't recall
which one, though. Ross takes over with a superkick, taking over from
the taller Purcell, then hitting a nice legdrop for a two count.
Orlofski's shoes are fantastic, by the way. I can't wear high heels at
all, but if I could, I'd want those shoes. Purcell is in trouble, and
tries an Irish whip into the corner. Ross climbs up the corner, leaps
off with a brutal elbowsmash right between Purcell's eyes, and gets the
three count.

· WINNER: In 4:22, Clayton Ross. Orlofski guides Purcell to the back as
Ross celebrates with the fans.
======================================

[The camera fades in to see Billy "Scud" McKenzie, happily walking down
the backstage corridor, whistling, lost in thought. He seems content as
he wanders through, turning the corner...

and running smack dab into a ladder that someone set up in the middle of
the hallway.]

???: HEY!

[Scud straightens the ladder, looks up... and sees Tommy "Thrillseeker"
Elliott seated on the top of the ladder, looking rather forlorn.]

TE: Easy! You almost knocked me over!

[Scud thinks to respond but he stops himself. He looks around to see if
anyone or anything else is in the hallway to explain why Tommy is sitting
on top of a ladder. When he can find nothing or no one that can, he looks
up at Tommy.]

Scud: Um... sorry Tommy. Didn't think there'd be a ladder in the middle
of the hallway. You're not changing light bulbs for fun are you?

[Tommy looks down and waves]

TE: SCUD! Nah, man... just up here- thinking.

Scud: About?

TE: Well... I'll be honest with you, Scud- I'm bored.

[There are a number of things that are terrifying. Movies staring Pauly
Shore. Slush's dance solo. Going into a bathroom that Tumaffi just
left. And, if you're Billy McKenzie, hearing the phrase "I'm bored" from
a man nicknamed Thrillseeker.]

Scud: Oh, boy... Tommy, you're not thinking of jumping out of an
airplane again, are you?

TE: Nah... I tried, but they said something about 'possible blizzard'
and 'Insurance costs', so that's out. I mean, I had my little brouhaha
with Gamma Ray, stopped drinking caffeine, fought Gamma Ray at Gold
Rush... [short pause], lost to Gamma Ray at Gold Rush. It's like...
where do I go from here? I asked Lee for a match this week but he said
they were filled up. But I need more than a match. I need some sort of
_spark_, you know? Something to get me up and going.

Scud: Wow, you almost sound like Randall Osbourne.

[Scud smiles to himself and half jokingly says:]

Scud: You two could always just get the band back together.

[Instantly, Scud realizes what he just said. He goes pale... well...
paler. He looks at Tommy and realizes he's doomed.]

Scud: Poor, poor me.

TE: Scud... [Tommy's voice suddenly makes a turn towards the
chipper...] Scud... Scud... you, my friend, are a GENIUS!

Scud: No... really I'm not...

[With a loud THUD, Tommy hops off the ladder. Before Scud can react,
Tommy gives Scud a big hug.]

TE: Of course! Randall and I- hell, we haven't teamed up since the days
of the IS. Scud- that's BRILLIANT!

Scud: Oh God! The IS returning... my insurance premiums are already too
high... God help me! Please!

[Tommy's not hearing Scud, as he continues talking, half to himself, half
to Scud, half to the camera]

TE: We'll get you, and me, and Randall, and Tawni, and Shawni... see if
the Masters of Motion are around... the Lady in Red might be interested,
we'll give her a call... this calls for a celebration. We'll order some
balloons, and a cake, and a 1974 Cadillac El Dorado- bright red, of
course- and then we can head down to ringside, and I wonder if Kyle's
still knows how to get a hold of Froinlaven Druids, and...

[By now, Tommy's grabbed Scud by the arm and is dragging him off-camera.
The last sight is of Scud turning towards the camera and mouthing the
words, "HELP ME" before being pulled offscreen.]
======================================

[Cut backstage where we find Moe Owens standing next to the UWF Women's
Champion "The All Around Athlete" Laura Davis. She is dressed in an
Indiana State University T-shirt, black sweats, and wears the UWF Women's
title around her waist.]

MO: Laura, you are coming off a successful title defense at Gold Rush...
what do you believe ultimately made the difference in that match?

LD: Owens, what do you think? You heard what Nina has had to say... I
don't know how to adapt and that was going to be my downfall. Well, it
sure looks like I didn't have any problem adapting when Nina got to have
things her way, did it? Try as she could, throw out every garbage
wrestling trick in the book, she couldn't get the job done when it
counted.

I don't deny her talents when she puts aside the garbage wrestling
crap... but when it came right down to it, all her talk about my
inability to adapt was all for naught. I won... she lost. That's all
there is to it.

MO: Well, now it appears the Misfits are looking to interject themselves
back into the title picture.

LD: The Misfits? Hey, they were good in their day, but the fact is that
their day has long since past. I've already taken Dalbello Rage down once
before, and if Sierra Browne wants to get her turn at bat, I'm just gonna
have to do the same thing I did to Nina.. prove my superiority.

MO: What about the appearance of Eveline Eriksen? You did see what she
did to Summer Blake.

LD: Yeah, very much like the Misfits... come jump somebody when they just
fought a match and act like they've somehow demonstrated they are the
better woman. I'm not a fan of Summer Blake, but when I had my dealings
with her, I came to her face to face. Eriksen proved to be a coward,
plain and simple.

And if she's got a problem with what I've said... or the Misfits, or
anyone else, for that matter, I want them to listen carefully to what I
have to say.

[She then unstraps the title belt around her waist, then holds it up to
the camera.]

LD: You see this? This belt says that I am the NUMBER ONE wrestler in the
world today... bar none! It absolutely proves there is not a woman in
wrestling today who matches my superior talents, my superior ability and
my superior will and desire to claim victory whenever I step into that
ring.

And until somebody actually beats me in that ring, one on one, that will
not change.

You think otherwise, then step forward into the ring with me instead of
hiding behind your sneak attacks, your tired ways, your garbage wrestling
techniques and your unwillingness to get down on that mat and prove who
is better by simply outwrestling them... and outhinking them.

[She then tosses the title belt over her shoulder.]

LD: People can say what they want... but there is only one woman around
today who has proven that she is the hands-down best example of what
women's wrestling should be all about it.

[She turns to Moe.]

LD: And Owens, you better know what that is.

[She walks off as the shot fades out.]
==============================================

"We have ourselves a true Benedict Arnold in the ranks. The oldest trick
in the book. It's the way of a business. As a veteran in this locker
room and the man who received the "knife in the back". I take it upon
myself to teach Tracy Hudson a valuable lesson."

[We cut to a close up to veteran superstar "The Fantasy" Brett Young. A
solemn stare sits across the usual fun and charismatic face of the UWF
veteran.]

"I'm no stranger to the "impact clause". Everybody wants to enter with
as large of a bang as they can. I knew when I walked down that aisle
putting whatever chance I had at the UWF tag team titles in the hand of
management ... I had a 50/50 shot of getting a loyal hard working
partner. I hoped that my reputation and hard work would encourage
whomever stood on that apron to give it an honest go and stand tall and
raise those UWF titles with me."

[A slight shrug.]

"The other 50/50 ... Well let's just say we saw what that was. Tracy
Hudson a disciple of Todd the Rod from the days of WWO. A man battle
tested and a worthy partner. The only problem was he decided to go for
that impact clause. Instead of honoring our business ... Instead of
honoring the UWF and it's championship titles ... Instead of honoring the
code in the back. Tracy Hudson took the apple and took a large bite."

[The Fantasy rubs his jaw.]

"Sure he made an impact ... On the greatest stage of them all! Sure he
put me on my neck and crushed what chance I had at accomplishing
something that was very important to me. I hope the impact was worth it.
You see we are back to Rampage ... We are now at that moment where you
have to back those actions up."

[With fire in his eyes ... The Fantasy nods.]

"When one chapter ends another begins. My run at becoming UWF tag team
champions has closure. However my motivation ... my determination ... my
focus isn't! No Tracy your actions spoke louder then anything that will
come from that mouth. Through out history ... the most famous of cold
blooded traitors was all served their dish. Some may call it revenge
...
I call it justice!"

[Finally a smile as Brett begins a small clap.]

"So let me be the first to applaud your impact at Gold Rush. You left
the arena being talked about. All eyes have been shifted your way. What
little momentum I had was crushed and I'm yesterday's news. Roles have
now been reversed. You have to keep that momentum up ... You have to
continue the hunger and desire ... It's my turn to make an impact."

[Brett points his index finger.]

"And it's my turn to bring that justice your way. Hudson let me be the
first to ask you the same question I asked Randy Acorn ... I same phrase
Oz Rivera heard ..."

[The solemn stare has faded just in time ...]

"That impact ...

That moment ...

That knife you stuck in my back ..."

[eyebrows raise.]

"Do you think it'd go unanswered?"

[Tension pause.]

"Only in your fantasy."

[Fade.]
===========================================

[Cut backstage to where we find Moe Owens standing between two wrestlers
who now have formed a duo, John Shock and Tommy Stephens. John is already
dressed in his wrestling attire, along with the cowboy hat atop his head.
Stephens, with an awkward looking smile on his face, has on his wrestling
gear and a simple black T-shirt.]

MO: Tonight, these two men will team up for the first time to face
Heaven's Hunted. I'm certainly curious as to how the two of you will
function as a unit... what do you think about tonight's match?

JS: I s'pose it'll be a feelin' out process, given that while we've seen
each other wrestle b'fore, we've never actually pooled our efforts
t'gether. But I have ta admit, I've been very impressed with Tommy and
what I've seen from him... he certainly seems committed ta betterin'
himself, so I look forward ta the match t'night.

MO: And yet you will be facing a veteran tag team who has worked together
for a number of years.

JS: [nodding] Yep, they're gonna have that advantage, jist like every
other tag team we could end up facin' now that we are workin' together.
But as I said, we're gonna take it one step at a time, git ta know each
other better than jist from what we've watched of the other in a singles
match. I'm sure, as we make progress, we'll find out exactly how we can
mold our talent together inta a strong unit.

[Tommy nods, his smile still weird-like.]

TS: Yeah.... What John said...

[Stephens stands back, nodding again... and then goes silent. Both Shock
and Owens look at him.]

MO: Is that all?

[Stephens leans in and then takes a moment to breath in deep.]

TS: Uh, yeah.

[Stephens exhales and leans back into place as sweat forms on his brow.]

MO: You seem a little unlike yourself, Tommy. Something wrong?

[Stephens nervously chuckles to himself, trying to act nonchalant, as he
leans in again.]

TS: Uh... No, Moe. Just... Just want to make sure we do good out there.
Just, uh... A little...

[Stephens tugs at the collar of his t-shirt as a bead of sweat drips down
on the mic.]

TS: Oh, uh... Sorry 'bout that. Um...

[Stephens grabs the mic and wipes the top of it with the bottom of t-
shirt in an attempt to clean it... Unfortunately, it cause a loud
screeching sound that causes Moe to grab at his headphoned ear in pain.]

TS: Oh! Um, sorry again! I... Sorry!

[Stephens grabs at the back of his head, unable to know what to do as he
still clutches the mic.]

TS: I'm just... Yeah... Nervous? Don't want to let the team down... Or,
well, John. It's, uh... Like he said. Haven't won in a while, so kind of
hoping I can break that here tonight in our first step towards the... I
guess Don't Go There's titles.

MO: Do you see this match as a chance to prove you deserve that shot?

JS: Moe, a shot at the World tag team titles is an obvious goal... but
there's a lot of comp'tition here, so we'll take it one step at a time.
[Turning to Tommy] And Tommy... don't fret too much. We'll figger things
out as we go and this match t'night is certainly a good chance to figger
out where things stand fer us right now.

[Stephens nods, breathing in a little more regular to calm himself.]

TS: Yeah... You know, John's right... I keep looking down at the titles
and get worried about how we'll win them and all, but... Yeah, I guess
that's taking others too lightly and all. But, yeah, just go out there
and get this done and be on our way. I mean... Yeah.

[Stephens nods to Owens.]

TS: I'll try to do my best. John, you know, he always brings it and all,
so... Yeah, these Heaven's Hunted, we'll... uh... We'll try to beat you!

[Tommy emphatically nods on that somewhat confident proclamation.]

MO: Strong -

[Moe looks back at a grinning Tommy Stephens.]

MO: Strong words by Tommy Stephens and John Shock as they go into their
first ever tag team match! Now back to the action in the ring!
======================================

· Being in a tag team might be the best thing for Stephens. He's coming
back from a lot of issues, and having a partner could be very helpful to
him

· Heaven's Hunted against Shock and Stephens. Heaven's Hunted start by
jumping Shock and Stephens, then throwing Stephens out of the ring to
double-team Shock. A double suplex takes Shock to the mat and leaves
Shock vulnerable to a pair of elbowdrops, while Stephens is outside the
ring, not sure how to act. When Cain goes to the neutral corner and
climbs the ropes, Stephens hops up and pulls Cain down, giving Shock a
chance to hit Saul with a flying forearm. Shock tags in Stephens who
hits a Side Russian Leg sweep on Saul, then goes for a cover and a two
count. Cain comes in and tackles Shock, leading to a four-way brawl
between the contestants. As the referee tries to separate everyone, Saul
grabs a chair and goes to swing at Stephens. Stephens ducks, Shock hits
a superkick on the chair into Saul's face, and Stephens makes a cover for
the three count.

· WINNER: John Shock and Tommy Stephens, in 7:09. Shock and Stephens
are showing some surprising teamwork in an 'odd couple' manner







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Overly_Critical_Jue
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Amigo, I ain't anybody but Juan Vasquez!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
· Before we get to commercials, a promo featuring the MBC referees...
======================================

[Fade in: One of the locker rooms backstage... this one does not belong
to a wrestler, though.

Given the number of referees there, it's evident it belongs to them. And
standing at the front of the room would be the two head honchos of the
Referees Union Taking Action Before Everyone Gets Ahead, Bartholomew
Prevert and Les Ewich. Over to the side would be the lawyers that
represent them, Ian Lye, Irving Cheet and Isaac Steele. Seated in front
of them are the other referees who work for MBC: Andy Barnes, Jim
Daniels, Dean Ferrante and Bill Nesman.

Prevert clears his throat before he speaks.]

BP: I am glad to see that all of you have agreed to be here for this
important meeting... as I am sure you are aware, mutliple infractions of
the rules were document by Les and myself and compiled for review by our
law firm. Now, I am sure all of you are recovered from your experiences
in Styx, Wyoming, and thus are prepared to take action against the
multiple grievances we now have.

LE: [nodding] It is quite clear that the wrestlers who work for MBC show
no willingness to respect those who are in charge of the matches, ranging
from intentionally tossing them aside to repeated distractions to
complete disregard for the rulebook that is supposed to be in place.

BP: And given that you all are here, I take it you all feel the same way.

AB: Well... our experiences in Styx are the number one reason. We were
forced to sleep outside in tents with only bearskin rugs to cover
ourselves with.

IL: The MBC made you sleep in tents?

AB: No... that was apparently Styx's definition of a budget motel.

LE: If this was Styx's doing, are you sure they were bearskin rugs?

BP: Hold on a minute... can we get back to what is the real issue here?
You know... the fact that the authority of the referees is being
completely disregarded?

JD: Well... I'd certainly like better lodging accommodations.

[Prevert and Ewich turn to their lawyers for a brief conversation... we
can't quite hear what is being said. After a moment, though, the five are
finished and turn back to the other officials.]

IS: While we understand your concern for travel and lodging, it would be
good to keep things focused on the matter at hand... the fact MBC
wrestlers simply thumb their noses at your authority.

BP: Agreed... so, gentlemen, if you wish to improve your standing within
the MBC, it is important to keep the agenda focused where it belongs...
on the wrestlers who take part in the matches.

LE: [nodding] So with that in mind... if all of you are in agreement that
something must be done, then it will be time to take steps to begin
asserting that authority... and that can only mean one thing...

IC: Hold on... first of all, it would be a good idea for a certain non-
union member to leave the room?

LE: What? Who is a non-union member?

[The lawyers then motion to that non-union member... the cameraman.]

LE: Oh... yes, you are right.

[Prevert then approaches the cameraman.]

BP: All right, you have covered enough to ensure the plot point is
established... we need you to depart now.

[And the cameraman has evidently got the message, as that's when the shot
fades out.]
======================================

· Oz Rivera against Orbit. It's an odd matchup, as neither Cooter nor
Gamma Ray is in Orbit's corner. And Orbit seems a little confused at the
start, especially since Oz Rivera starts with a flurry of shots to the
head, complete with slamming Orbit's head against the turnbuckle ten
times. Rivera makes a mistake of turning his back for a second, and
Orbit rolls him up... for a two count. Rivera is furious, nearly
clotheslining Orbit our of his shoes. Orbit is able to duck a forearm
shot and slap on an abdominal stretch. Rivera hiptosses out to escape,
but Orbit follows up with an armbar. Rivera doubles Orbit over with a
knee, delivers a gutwrench suplex...

... and Vinnie Vasquez jumps the railing and begins pummeling Jim Tunney,
pulling him up the aisle. Rivera covers Orbit, who kicks out at two,
then notices Vasquez smacking the hell out of Tunney. Rivera runs out of
the ring and up the aisle as Vasquez throws Tunney to the ground. Rivera
catches up and checks on Tunney as Vasquez does a "giddy-up" dance.
Rivera starts to go after Vasquez...

... and the bell rings as Rivera is counted out. An enraged Rivera
charges down to the ring, yelling at the referee- then stomping away at
Orbit in anger, throwing Orbit out of the ring and slamming him against
the steel guardrail before stomping off. As he does so...

[Vinnie Vasquez stalks into the interview area, snatching the mic from
the erstwhile reporter before the questions can even start coming. He's
a little out of breath and the adrenaline is pumping after his attack on
Jim Tunney. Vinnie turns a smile and a wink to the camera, licking his
lips before he starts talking.]

VV: I been waitin' a long time f'r that! Weeks of bein' told what to
eat, what to lift, how many times to lift it, while you taught your
little pup how to avoid a roll-up... weeks of payin' you twenty per cent
on the dollar of what I was supposed to be making, taking home losing
purses after my partner got himself rolled up, and just months of hearin'
you talk in my ear about what it takes to succeed in this business... I
been waitin' to just knock you down on yer rear just once, and now you
got what you had comin' to you! So, Jimmy-boy, you think you got it made
with that pup you got lacin' his boots and hearin' yer lines like you was
his daddy... yeah, you got it made alright. You got it made so that the
big Dubba-V is rip-roarin' mad an' focused on a little bitty pinch of pay
back on you and that joker!

[Vinnie spits to the side, stepping closer to the camera.]

VV: Only thing is... I ain't got nothin' you could want, do I? So I'm
going to do this the good old fashioned way... I'm callin' you boys out!
Now, that's easy as heck to ignore... ain't it? So that brings us back
to what happened out there... you know, when I came up behind you and
dropped my fist in the back of your head, then I dragged you up that
aisle and danced over your unconscious corpse... that there could be the
first performance of a regular tour all across these here United States!
"See the Giddy-up Dance over the unconscious form of Jim Tunney... buy
your tickets now!" Over and over and over... unless you feel like
stepping up and acceptin' my challenge here an' now! Next WEEK!!!!!
Dubba V waltzes himself down that aisle, steps in that ring in his street
clothes an' unleashes a whoopin' on his ol' partner... bunkhouse brawl!
Oz Rivera... you don't gotta' worry about no roll ups cuz I'm jus' gonna'
beat the livin' daylights outta' ya!

[Vinnie reaches into his jacket pocket, pulls out a bottle and smacks the
lip against the lighting bars... cracking it open and lifting the broken,
jagged edge to his mouth where he downs the beer as it fizzes up and over
into his mouth.]

· WINNER: By countout, Orbit, in 5:12

· Interesting challenge by Vasquez- it doesn't look like this
feud is over anytime soon.

· More commercials, then promos by the people in the main event.
======================================

[We cut to one "Hentai" Ryu Osawa, one half of the UWF's Unified Tag Team
Champions Don't Go There. Ryu is currently by himself, for a change --
sans partner, sans manager, even sans cock. And he's throwing lefts and
rights at a punching bag right now. OK Ryu, spill it...who did you piss
off this time?]

Ryu: ...

[I mean, I'm pretty sure Kyle doesn't hate you that much to put you up
against Martinez. Unless you goosed Allison Chambers -- again.]

Ryu: ...

[And you're not walking funny, so it couldn't have been that age joke you
cracked last Tuesday. Even Ginny's not that vindictive!]

Ryu: ...

[Nothing. Osawa just keeps his focus on throwing jabs.


...


...


...maybe, maybe you deserve this shot at Martinez after all, Ryu.]

Ryu: [cracks a faint smile.]

[Fade out.]
======================================

[He doesn't look happy, but that's hardly a surprise. The Last American
Badass was born miserable, and its only gone downhill since then. But
even considering his usually foul mood, Alex Martinez seems unhappy, some
might even say pissed off. He's marching back and forth in front of the
camera, wearing all black, with the television title slung over his
shoulder. His pacing is relentless, and accompanied by the sounds of his
breathing, which grows louder by the moment. At last, he stops in the
center of his path and swings towards the camera, his scarred face a mask
of pure rage.]

AM: There's one story comin' outta Gold Rush that matters. But it
ain't the one everyone is talkin' 'bout. It ain't the story of Serge
Annis returnin' to the UWF. Because frankly? Who gives two squirts of
piss 'bout that?

I was here last time Annis was around, and he spent all his time duckin'
yours truly. He never wanted to fight me, because he was afraid to find
out what a real monster is. He might like to think he's a violent man,
but he knows the truth. And he left while the gettin' was good.

So, Serge Annis? Not a story.

And the story ain't 'bout Trey DaMann either. You wanna know why? 'Cuz
I already beat that piece of crap in a cage. Maybe you're all forgettin'
just how this belt got to be in my possession. If you have, here's a
recap: I made DaMann cry, and then I made him an ex-champ.

Trey DaMann, he ain't a story.

And Alex Epstein losin'? Well hell, since when was that a story?

No, there's only one story comin' outta Gold Rush. And since no one else
is willin' to talk 'bout it, once again, I'm gonna have to be the one to
say the truths no one else wants to hear. Once more, I gotta be the guy
who says the things you all know are true, but you're too damn afraid to
acknowledge. Here's the scoop:

Derek Martin lost the North American title to Gabriel Whitecross.

Alexander Epstein lost the world title to a guy with chemo runnin'
through his veins.

And Alex Martinez? Well, he retained the television title by, once and
for all, puttin' an end to a pariah that'd been wastin' space for the
better part of ten years.

Three men held singles titles in the UWF goin' in to Gold Rush, and only
one of 'em managed to retain his title.

And that is the story comin' outta Gold Rush.

[Martinez begins to pace again, talking as he moves.]

AM: Only one man could hold on to his title. Only one man was capable
of goin' in a champion, and comin' out one. And that's me. But once
again, I'm overlooked. I'm forgotten. Not only that, but I'm insulted.

Everyone is talkin' 'bout what'll happen to the world title. Last time
I checked, I'm the last guy to beat the current champion. You'd think
that would mean I get some crack at it, right?

Doesn't seem that way.

Instead, what do I get? A slap in the damn face, that's what I get.

Bad enough I got that jackass Johnny Axis showin' up every time I turn
around. Now I gotta deal with the ultimate disrespect.

A tag team wrestler. Ryu Osawa. That's what I get? Why not just spit
in my face while you're at it? What in the hell am I doin' fightin' some
guy who thinks the way to win a fight is to find a buddy and then go take
a breather when you start gettin' your ass kicked?

Is this guy worth of fightin' me? The one, true, legend in wrestling?
Is this the guy who's earned a shot at the most devastating killer the
UWF has ever seen? Is Ryu Osawa the guy who anyone believes can actually
take me out?

We all know the answer.

There are a lotta things important to me in life. But the two primaries
are respect, and bein' a champion. And Ryu Osawa? You're right in the
way me gettin' those two things. They sent you to take my title. But
in case you ain't been payin' attention for the last couple of years,
lemme make somethin' that should be clear to ya painfully obvious.
Emphasis on "painfully."

The only way you're walkin' out champion is by beatin' me. And the only
way you're beatin' me is by puttin' me out permanently. Better men than
you have tried and failed. You're not beatin' me Osawa. You may not
even survive this.

And me fightin' you? That's a sign of disrespect. I should be fightin'
for the world title, not beatin' the hell outta some guy with his arm
stretched out. And I don't kindly to bein' disrespected. And the way I
see it? If I'm bein' disrespected, then I gotta earn me some respect.

And I do that by cripplin' your unfortunate ass.

I was the story comin' outta Gold Rush, but everyone overlooked me. So I
gotta make sure I ain't overlooked no more. And this is what I think? I
think sendin' Ryu Osawa to the same retirement home that Dan Kauffman is
hidin' out in is a good way to get noticed.

So that is what I'm gonna do.

[Fade to Black.]
======================================

· Ryu Osawa vs. Alex Martinez. Martinez charges at the start of the
bell, but Ryu ducks underneath and catches Martinez in the leg with a
dropkick. Michael Bonn is in Ryu's corner, but no sign of Virginia St.
Ursula. Ryu goes for 'hit and run' attack, trying to aim at Martinez'
left knee. Martinez manages to catch Ryu in the corner at one point ,
driving him to the mat with one axehandle, but then makes the mistake of
Irish whipping Ryu to the other corner, where Ryu scales the ropes and
delivers a moonsault to take the big man over for a one count. Ryu clips
the leg from behind, but cannot take Martinez off his feet, and Martinez
drives a knee into Ryu's back. Martinez picks up Osawa for a powerbomb,
but Ryu uses the momentum to flip over Martinez into a sunset flip for a
two count, then hits a corkscrew elbowdrop onto Martinez's knee.
Martinez gets back to his feet, but he's starting to limp, and Ryu keeps
hitting the ropes and hitting a series of moves- a flying forearm, an
elbowdrop, a running kneelift. Martinez falters, Ryu climbs up to the
top cornerpost, leaps off with a high-cross bodyblock...

.... Caught by Alex Martinez, who holds Osawa up for a second before
driving him to the mat with a powerslam. He picks Osawa up for a
Firebomb that causes Osawa to bounce off the mat a full foot before
covering for the three count and to retain the title.

· WINNER: And still TV Champion, at 6:44, "The Last American Badass"
Alex Martinez. A good match, with Osawa and Martinez playing to their
strengths.
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Flouzemaker
The Luther Burger
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
SPOILER WARNINGS!!!






A short review, that may include spoilers...



Corvette is back after missing Gold Rush, so to speak. And I admit I didn't really expect the Syl talk at this point, though it looks like it helps contribute elements of friction between Collins and his client. It's making Collins look shadier, making the tandem more interesting. I'm a sucker for "duo" in perpetual conflict, lol.

Short and sweet promo from LeBlanc. There truly is a science to being so efficient while being this concise.

Fitzgerald, I don't quite know what to make of him. Saves Vinnie at GR'09 and now cuts a... rather self deprecating promo, unless I read it wrong, which I often do. It's the kind of subtle character that is to grow on you, I think, instead of dazzling you from the get-go.

Skip the EE stuff...
Skip the GR/Orbit stuff as well...
All I can say about both is that they are 99% likely to have been too long.
;)

Miyuki Ozaki is already awesome. Some characters have to grow on you, others make a big first impression, like Miss Ozaki. Possibly the only woman I could think of that Eveline Eriksen would actually like hanging out with. In spite of that, Ozaki's so cute she could work equally well as a cute face than obnoxious heel, the line is so fine, really...

Clayton Ross makes a rather no-frills debut promo. Straight-up faces never dazzle me because they're handicapped by the role they play... yet they're the most important characters on any given roster, meaning MBC made a good acquisition in this guy... plus, he's the only person so far to call-out the Axis of Evil.
Piting him against Vengeance right off the bat would be... surprising, but there are a lot of people in the AoE, meaning Ross could be kept busy for a long time simply working his way up to Vengeance. Resolute face working his way through a stable is always good stuff.

The only thing that really worried me about forcing Tommy Elliott off caffeine was the risk of damaging the character, so to speak, by imposing a gimmick change or something. But here, even if I never read the archives and don't know those ancient times at all... Scud's dread is enough to make me giddy at the idea of Elliott and Osbourne teaming up again and wrecking havoc on the world.

Laura Davis is never a flashy character, which is a central element of her gimmick, and has a nice promo to remind one and all why she's the top bitc... err, top dog in the UWF.

And then, Brett Young.

And now, Stephens and Shock. I'm only mentioning them right now because I know Brian will end up reading this and think I just trashed Brett Young. Now that I successfully duped him, I can talk about it. In fact, it's a solid little promo that recaps what transpired at GR'09, and hints at what the following cycle could center around. Periodic reminders like these are crucial to readers who, like me, are equipped with absolutely terrible memories.
Back to the newest dynamic tag team in the UWF. Strangely, mostly because the tag champs are faces, I feel what we need most are strong heel teams in the UWF. What the UWF needs most are faces for the singles division. Guys that can back-up Epstein and Whitecross and DaMann and Co. We may have two face champs, it still feels like, over all, the heel contingent is too crowded when you look at the division as a whole.
To me, Stephens is the most endearing babyface in the UWF right now, so a move to the tag scene hurts. Hopefully it'll still lead to good stuff with Shock.
On the downside, while I feel Stephens is the most endearing face, I'm pretty iffy about this particular promo, though.

RUTABEGA has been a long time brewing, and finally, finally we might get to know what it leads to... next time!
Grrr!
I'm not patient enough to wait that long, lol!

I was surprised that Gamma Ray did not accompany Orbit as planned, but his presence might have been construed as an obstacle to Vasquez's interference and following promo. I don't think Gamma Ray would have lifted a finger, but best avoid the question altogether instead.
For some reason, it reminds me of old Rick Martel promos I saw as a kid from the Montreal territory (that he had essentially ripped off from elsewhere and done in French to a new public). Derived from an old-school recipe that has never failed to generate interest, my knowledge.

Osawa's flash... dare I say it: too short for me. Yes, too short! Leaving someone wanting more is always ideal, but this time, I wanted more than that. More!

I admit it, Alex Martinez isn't one of my favorite characters, but then again, I tend to be lukewarm on big men, and the bigger they are the less inclined I am to like 'em. But this flash is possibly the best (to me) I've seen from Martinez in I don't remember when because I never remember anyways. Certainly the best post-PPV promo of the lot, I suspect.


And thus, we have a pretty good show.
The MBC-UWF merge, sorta, it seems to be working out, so far.
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