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| Show Five Part One | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Feb 14 2010, 07:23 PM (233 Views) | |
| ratrangerm | Feb 14 2010, 07:23 PM Post #1 |
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Aging veteran
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[Fade in: Here is your host of Total Drama Wrestling, Randy Grant. Big smile on his face, teeth as white as they can be, hair neatly groomed and his usual wise guy demeanor in place. As he talks, we get footage from the last show.] RG: Last time on Total Drama Wrestling... the eight remaining competitors were out to demonstrate their mad skills in a pillow street fight. American Freebear made quite the spectacle with his homemade wheels... gotta give him some points for originality. Some competitors decided to load up their cases... others opted for the need for speed. But it was Simon O'Neal who proved to be the craftiest... sneaking a piece of metal into his Fedora and use it to his advantage, thus securing immunity. I guess that's why they call him a bastard. We then witnessed more scheming with O'Neal and his compadres, Jack Keening and Keisha Love. And also continued uneasy tension between Kevin McCabe and Suzie Machina. But in the end, being a loner didn't pay dividends for Ikuto Nagashima, as he was the one voted off by his fellow contestants... but on the bright side, he'll get his chance to enjoy five-star accommodations now that his run is done. As for the remaining seven competitors... what lies in store for them this week? Who gets sent off this time around? Who keeps their alliance going strong? And who is going to ensure my teeth stay sparkling white? Some questions you'll never know the answers to... others you will when you watch this episode of... TOTAL... DRAMA... WRESTLING! [And then we cut right to the cafeteria, where the remaining participants are just finishing what they got for breakfast... Quaker Oats, one of nature's most perfect foods. Who says we don't care about their health. Of course, oatmeal isn't probably the meal these participants had in mind for an enjoyable breakfast... but it's what they get today. And now, in walks your TDW host, Randy Grant, who is dressed in a lumberjack's shirt, blue jeans, and carries an ax over his shoulder. As he enters, you all now will understand why restrictions were placed on a certain Monty Python song.] RG [singing off key]: I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK... I sleep all night and I work all day. [And then enters Raymond Elbert... he's dressed in his referee shirt and jeans and seems a bit disgruntled.] RE [talking, not singing] You ain't no lumberjack and you look like a fool! RG: [no longer singing, now annoyed] Raymond, where is your costume? RE: Costume? You think I'm gonna wear what you wanted me to wear? Sing the lines you wanted me to sing? RG: It's called a tribute to Monty Python... and you ruined it! RE: You wanted me to wear a damn dress! RG: It's called taking one for the team... which evidently you are not part of. RE: I'm the only other team member you've got here! You better hope I remain part of it! [Raymond walks out of the cafeteria. Randy just shakes his head.] RG: Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. [He turns to the competitors.] RG: But I hope the rest of you slept well... because today you get to be lumberjacks. Of course, when you think about wrestling, you think of a lumberjack as somebody who stands outside a wrestling ring, waiting until one of the wrestlers is thrown out, at which point you decide how long you are going to beat him up before you send him back into the ring to get beat up some more. Well, we here at Total Drama Wrestling decided to do things a little differently. Today, you will each be assigned a wrestling ring, into which you are to toss something into it... in this case, two by fours. You know... authentic lumber. Your task is to collect the lumber from the wood shop and take it to the rings which are just outside it, putting it into your assigned ring. But here's a catch... all lumber is fair game, meaning when you put your lumber into your ring, somebody can go into your ring to take it. When the five-minute time limit expires, the one who finishes with the most lumber in his or her ring wins the challenge and gains invincibility from the next vote. So, you might lumberjacks... or lumberjills, if some of you prefer that turn... best get prepared! [With that, he walks out of the cafeteria, but you hear him say something as he does.] RG: And this is the last time I get Raymond to join me in a Monty Python tribute. [Fade in on Jack Keening sitting behind a roughly hewn desk made entirely from 2X4” lumber. Wearing his now tattered and abused gray-brown suit, his tie missing, Jack gives a wan smile as he attempts to affect the demeanor of a news anchor.] JK: Good evening. Jack Keening here. [Holy crap he has a British accent.] JK: Cross-dressing weirdos were witnessed last night cutting several tons of lumber down into convenient 2X4”, 3' long pieces. When questioned, they mentioned having 250 starving beavers attempting to build a dam across a stream in Edinburgh. They were never seen again and, although it's currently unclear whether the Irish Republican Army was responsible for the disappearances, the frequency of mad beaver attacks in the United Kingdom has exploded over one million percent. [Shuffles papers. One slides out onto the 2X4” desk. It is completely blank.] JK: Additionally, an outbreak of cannibalism among the royal family has left the 152nd in line for the throne sitting beneath a golden crown. Cletus Flaptrap of Roanoake, West Virginia, USA, a club-footed hermaphrodite and dangerous bestiality enthusiast assumed the throne this Tuesday. His first decree as King of England was to make legal polygamy between men, women and farm animals. This, of course, means nothing as the Monarchy has held no official power for quite some time. [Cough. Shuffle again. Jack flips the pages around backwards, displaying his crudely-drawn stick figure illustrations of various wrestling holds.] JK: And now in sports. [Jack holds up another drawing, this one with stick figures wearing boxing gloves.] JK: In the mixed little girls and old men boxing league, Hershel Greenberg handily beat little Missy Jones at 1:30 in round one. The last news received placed the little girl's parents at their daughter's bedside crying, but, frankly, they were the ones who signed papers letting her box. [What the hell? Is that in reference to Monty Python too? Yes. Yes it is.] JK: Also, Total Drama Wrestling has a lumberjack competition... [Beat.] JK: Heh, guess what? Been here a little too long. Starting to really feel like a convict. Like maybe I should shiv someone. Hey, a broken 2X4 would make a handy shiv, right? Mind you, I never really wanted to be here, but now it's getting really bad. I don't want voted off either, 'cause then ... I look bad. And now for something completely different. I quit. [Jack stands up, unsettling his desk, which flies apart, having apparently not been nailed together. Throwing his hands up in frustration, he walks out of frame. Count to three, his head pops back into frame.] JK: No, no wait, that's stupid. I don't quit. I'll just cheat some more so I don't get bored. Insert catchphrase here ... or something. [Fade to black.] [ The camera fades in and you see Kevin McCabe pacing back and forth in his cell with his leather strap in his hand. Kevin sees the camera and then he flashes that sadistic smile of his before he speaks ...] Kevin McCabe: "Simon O'Neal, Jack Keening and Keisha Love you must think this is your world and we are just puppets in your world. The last three weeks you have all been walking around Total Drama Wrestling like your on some type of pedastal. You think you have this all wrapped up and the final three is a lock. There is no way anyone or anything can destroy your plans." [A short pause before Kevin continues ...] Kevin McCabe: "When I signed up for Total Drama Wrestling I said I wasn't here to make friends ... win any trophies ... I was simple here to hurt people and make them suffer. I am still here to hurt people and make them suffer but it times to rain on your parade and throw a wrench into your plans. O'Neal and Love you have made it a point to come after myself and Machina. You see us as a threat and that worries you. While Keening your just dragging him along as a third wheel because well there are strengths in numbers and you need him on your side." "American Freebear you have also been a side in my thorn and I have not forgotten bout you. Don't worry tho I have something very special planned for you in the Lumberjack Match. It is time to make a statement and that statement will start tonight ..." [The camera fades to black and you hear a sadistic laugh from "Simply Sadistic" Kevin McCabe ...] [Cut to Suzie Machina, standing in front of the TDW backdrop, wearing a camo tank top and jeans. She's looking a bit better than she has in previous weeks -- the obvious withdrawal syptoms are going away. Still, she doesn't look particularly thrilled.] SM: Another day, another challenge, another opportunity for me to go home. Last week was... scary. [Suzie begins to pace in front of the camera, only tossing it the occasional glance.] SM: Winning this immunity challenge will keep me safe for a few more days, but after that, what? I can't hope to win every challenge, especially considering that so far I haven't won one. I need a long-term strategy. I'm supposed to be the smart one here, maybe I should start acting like it. To put it simply, I refuse to be a pretender queen, blundering her way through challenges to the laugh of the audience, thinking that she's so smart while being outwitted at every turn by the great Simon O'Neal. Winning this challenge is the start of that. Wish me luck. [Suzie waves goodbye to the camera and exits the interview area.] [Inside Gabby RioPaah’s oddly well-appointed cell. She sits crosslegged on the floor, daintily sipping a cup of tea. As daintily as a 190 pound female Samoan can, anyway.] RIOPAAH: Bloody heck! Woodwork, eh? Y’know, between the last challenge and this one, I’m glad I took Industrial Arts over Home Economics in school. [She frowns.] RIOPAAH: The producers of this program warned me about this challenge, and how I shouldn’t be using… a certain comedy bit by a certain British comedy troupe… but… [She takes a deep breath and holds up a handheld microphone in one hand and a 2 x 4 in the other.] RIOPAAH: A coniferous cornucopia... an evergreen El Dorado... a tree-lined treasure trove... a fat fir-coned future for the financiers... but what of the cost... [And unseen hand reaches for the microphone.] RIOPAAH: NO! [She returns to her delivery.] RIOPAAH: …In human terms? [The scene opens to a familiar sight. Namely, the TDW backdrop. Standing there is a cocky as ever Keisha Love. The young woman is wearing a TDW tank top and boy-cut shorts, completing the look with tennis shoes. Her black hair is pulled back and styled in a ponytail. She folds her arms across her chest and smirks.] Keisha: Thought you got rid of me, didn't you? [She laughs.] Keisha: Yeah, I'm sure a lot of people thought I was a goner. But I'm still here. And so are my team. And tonight, we drive home once again why we are the only people worth a damn around here. See, we've got a special strategy for this lumber jack match. And before you ask, no. I'm not going to share it with you. Only a fool would do that. And, last time I checked, I wasn't Suzy Machina or her numbskull boyfriend. [She grins at that barb, clearly quite pleased with herself.] Keisha: I'll just advise you all to pay very close attention to what happens tonight. Because Jack, Simon, and I are going to show exactly why we're leagues above everyone else. See, we've got a view of the bigger picture. While the rest of you attack one another like desperate rats, we're smart enough to know that there's strength in numbers. Sure, we'll eventually have to end this partnership and then it's every man...and woman for themselves. But, until then, we will continue to milk this for what it's worth. And, in the process, outclass and out-think each one of you pea brains here. [Fade out.] SO: Ah, the woods... [The camera fades in to see Simon O'Neal leaning against the wall of his cell.] SO: Mind you, a jail is a strange place for a forest-themed challenge. But no matter about that now. Sure, forest are full of bugs and critters and other... things. But they have their uses. I went out with this hippie chick once who liked to go out in the forest and... well." Simon flashes a smirk. "Didn't last long, though. One word- splinters. No need to say any more." [Simon pauses, lost in thought for a second.] SO: The alliance is still going strong. I'm trying so very hard not to get overconfident... but with this group of lunkheads for opponents, it's difficult. They're making it too easy. [Simon shrugs] Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time for me to get some wood. [Simon saunters off as the camera fades] [#WHISTLE#] [HE'S A MAN!] "I'm a bear." [SUCH A MA~AAAN! (SUCH A MAN)] "No, I'm a bear." [HE'S A REA~AAAAAAL...] "Look, this doesn't even make sense. Regal was this construction worker guy mixing cement with his bare hands, not a lumberjack-" [REAL MAN'S MAN!!!] "Besides, everybody knows how this Lumberjack contest is gonna finish. As the biggest, strongest contestant on Total Drama Wrestling, everyone expects me to carry the biggest load of wood around here and everyone will want my big wood load. The ladies and the girly men here all wanna get ahold of my wood, but its not gonna end up that way. I'm very fond of my faggot (that's the proper term for a bundle of sticks, which are what 2x4s seem like for me) and I swear if anyone approaches my faggot, I'll smack 'em with my huge wood right in their face!!!" [(silence)] "Which just goes to show that no matter what song you ban, you can't make this contest any less gay. Much like the self-styled Flyin' Ursine, this contest you cannot change... But this big Floridian lumberjack can't be stopped either! Cuz when you have a contest that comes into your strengths, and your strengths is your bear-like strength, you know everyone is gonna come after you, and the American Freebear will just hafta pummel EVERYBODY!!!!!! With his wood. His massive wood." [The producers, the fellow wrestlers and everyone of our fans would very much like this promo to go off on a DIFFERENT tangeant right around now.] "Alternate bear-inspired plan to prevent theft: shit in the wood before competition begins, thus answering age-old question." [And that's quite enough right there.] [And then we fade in to where we find seven rings set up in a semicircle out in the prison yard. Each ring has the name of one of the seven remaining participants on it... easy to tell whose ring belongs to who, is it not? We then pan over to where the seven competitors stand... outside the wood shop, where the door remains open. Randy Grant and Raymond Elbert are standing near them... Randy still in his lumberjack outfit, and Raymond... ...well, he dons a lumberjack outfit as well.] RG: Raymond, good to see you get at least somewhat into the spirit of things. RE: Just don't expect me to wear a dress any time soon. RG: {shrugging] It would be nice of you to show a little team spirit, though... but now, to our seven participants turned lumberjacks... the two by fours are in there [pointing to the wood shop] so start gathering 'em up and show 'em how it's done! WE'RE LUMBERJACKS AND WE'RE OK And thus it began... inside the wood shop, American Freebear was the first to get at the lumber, gathering up about five boards in a single scoop. He quickly moved off toward the exit, a few other competitors having to dodge him. One of them, though, immediately went to the back of the stockpile... Kevin McCabe, who then disappeared from view. Suzie Machina then got to the pile, gathering five boards herself and began to drag them off, as Gabby RioPaah did the same. Keisha Love took about three boards, as did Simon O'Neal. Jack Keening, on the other hand, broke away from the two of them and claimed one board and one alone. Outside the wood shop, while Freebear, Machina and RioPaah each tossed boards into their own ring, Love found O'Neal joining her in tossing boards into Love's own ring. Keening, meanwhile, disappeared behind his own ring. RG: Interesting... two of our competitors have hidden themselves from view. RE: I'm waiting for an ambush to come. RG: From Jack Keening? Does the guy even know what an ambush is? RE: I'll bet you 10 bucks an ambush takes place. RG: You're on. Back in the wood shop, Freebear was once again the first person inside... but as he gathered up five boards, he was suddenly surprised with a two by four shot to the head from McCabe, causing him to drop his lumber. RioPaah entered and reached to grab a couple of boards, but spotting McCabe charging her and then broke a board in half, trying to hold him off. This allowed Machina to come into the shop, grab five boards, then hurry off to her ring. O'Neal and Love came in and opted to grab the five boards that Freebear dropped... by this time, Freebear had recovered and now lunged at McCabe, looking to even the score. Outside, Machina tossed her boards into her ring, but then was surprised by Jack Keening, who caught her in the leg with a board. Love tossed her boards into her ring, while O'Neal did the same. RG: Wow, you are quite astute. Looks like I owe you 10 bucks. RE: Should be 20. RG: For what, may I ask? RE: Because there were two ambushes. RG: [grunting] All right, fine... 20 bucks it is. RE: {accepting his money] I was due for a bonus anyway. McCabe, by this point, had fended off Freebear and exited the shop, reaching into Freebear's ring to take three boards and slide them into his ring. Before he could get any more, Freebear emerged with five boards in his hand and then charged McCabe, slamming them hard into his rival. He then went to shove three of the boards into his own ring, but then McCabe recovered to tackle him. Keening, seeing this, decided to join in on the fun, clobbering McCabe from behind. That only served to draw attention to him, and McCabe grabbed his own board, the two beginning to battle like they were in a swordfight. Meanwhile, Machina had recovered and turned her attention to Love's ring... with Love and O'Neal already inside the wood shop, she quickly grabbed three boards from that ring and tossed them into her ring. Love and O'Neal soon emerged, and Love then dropped her lumber and went after Machina, who had just taken three more boards and put them in her own ring. Now it was Love and Machina trading blows, while O'Neal took his three boards and tossed them into Love's ring. RioPaah came out with five more boards, looking to add to her stockpile, but McCabe and Keening blocked her path. Freebear, meanwhile, had now turned his attentions to McCabe, grabbing a loose board and now swatting at McCabe. RE: You knew this was going to go down, didn't you? RG: But of course... and this is what makes it fun. RE: [smiling] Certainly can't argue with that. Machina, meanwhile, had managed to slam Keishs face first into a ring apron, then fended off O'Neal with a board, preventing him from getting additional lumber to Love's ring. McCabe managed to slam Keening upside the head, knocking him out cold, only to get nailed from behind by Freebear. Freebear then turned to RioPaah, who had dropped her lumber and broke yet anotehr board in half, prompting Freebear to grab a loose board, then RioPaah to grab it and the two to engage in a tug of war. While this took place, McCabe managed to get up and moved to Machina's defense, grabbing a board and swinging at O'Neal, who was forced to dodge out of the way. Machina took advantage to grab some loose lumber and shove it into her ring, while Love pulled herself to her feet. Seeing Machina shoving lumber into her ring, Love went after loose lumber instead and shoved it into her ring, while Freebear had managed to take the board away from RioPaah. He then tossed that board, along with a couple others, into his ring, as McCabe then yanked a couple of boards from RioPaah's ring and tossed it into his own... just as a buzzer sounded. RG: Time is up, everyone! Let's see who has how much lumber in their ring. [We first go to Jack Keening's ring... Keening is holding his head in pain... and his ring is empty.] RG: Absolutely nothing here. Better luck next time, Mr. Keening. [He then walks to Simon O'Neal's ring... also empty.] RG: Interesting strategy you were playing there, Simon... trying to help out an ally. We'll soon find out if it worked, but first... [He walks to McCabe's ring, which has just a small amount of lumber.] RG: I count three... but you get brownie points for making this into a lumber brawl. Nicely done, Kevin. [He walks over to RioPaah's ring next.] RG: Looks like we have about six boards here. Not bad, all things considered. [And then heads to American Freebear's ring.] RG: But not enough to beat out the Freebear... he got about nine boards into his ring. Very impressive considering all the circumstances. Yet that leaves us with two other competitors... Suzie Machina and Keisha Love. [He looks into Love's ring.] RG: I count 10 boards... Simon was doing everything he could to make sure you won, Keisha. Was it enough? [He then goes to Machina's ring.] RG: I count 10 boards here as well in Suzie's ring... looks like we may have a... wait a minute... [He then notices that one board is sticking out just underneath the ropes.] RG: Looks like when the buzzer sounded, Suzie just stopped where she was at... in the middle of shoving another board into her ring. Half of it in the ring, half of it not... hmmm. [He then motions to Raymond Elbert, the two whisper to each other... then they nod and Randy smiles.] RG: We'll give you credit for half a board, Suzie... and that makes you the winner! [Suzie doesn't show much emotion, while Keisha Love looks none too pleased.] RG: Suzie Machina has won invincibility... and the rest of you had better get prepared for the vote... and one of you won't be coming back for the next round. So... enjoy your dinner. I hear that Swanson cooks up some mighty fine chicken broth. [He then turns to Raymond.] RG: Well, looks like we had more than our fair share of wood being brandished. RE: Didn't you get enough wood jokes from the Freebear? RG: Hey, I'm weak, I'll admit it. [Fade out.] |
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7:24 PM Jul 10