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RAMPAGE BLOODY RAMPAGE HOUR TWO; Abandon all hope...
Topic Started: Mar 10 2010, 06:12 PM (624 Views)
Overly_Critical_Jue
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Amigo, I ain't anybody but Juan Vasquez!
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Gamma Ray needs to weed out some of the more incompetent members of The Guard. Obviously it's already been infiltrated with Kyle Lee sympathizers!
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Flouzemaker
The Luther Burger
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Overly_Critical_Jue,Mar 10 2010
08:43 PM
Gamma Ray needs to weed out some of the more incompetent members of The Guard. Obviously it's already been infiltrated with Kyle Lee sympathizers!

Visibly so...

Every time you cull off a weak link, another one shows up.
I thought I had it contained with the Job Holly dismissal, but it seems the task just never ends. Gawd only knows how many more segments I'll need to write to contain, segregate and excise the weakness...
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JeremyS
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MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!
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Flouzemaker,Mar 10 2010
08:35 PM

Still, it would probably be wise to write a few guide lines to help people not misrepresent the Guard in future.

GUIDELINES TO WRITING THE GUARD
--------------------------------------------

1. They are heels who work for Gamma Ray.

2. They are against any longtime UWF 'legend' character, as well as any longtime established mainstream character.

3. They are deathly afraid of Tumaffi and will collectively wet their pants if they see him.

4. They like coffee and donuts. It's the corrupt cop instict, you see.

5. They are similar to vampires, in that driving a wooden stake through their heart will kill them. Unlike vampires, even if you miss the heart they will likely die anyway.

6. None of the members of the Guard have any skill at auto mechanics. Thus, you may not have them fix the clutch on the Gamma Mobile in any segment they appear in.

7. They hate Kyle Lee and anyone who is allied with him, no matter how loosely.

8. They also hate Tommy Lee and anyone allied with him, no matter how loosely.

9. They don't have anything against Cliff Lee, though.

10. They should be portrayed as inhuman and sociopathic. This means they should be depicted brutalizing innocent people, intimidating helpless bystanders, and reading Twilight novels.

11. Each and every member of the Guard is going to vote for Gibson Hayes in 2012, and so should you.

12. The Guard does not speak. Part of it is to enforce their aura as badass intimidators. The other part of it is that they're out of practice since they don't typically get a word in edgewise around Gamma Ray.

13. No member of the Guard can kick out of a roll-up move. Oz Rivera is their trainer... nuff said.

14. Speaking of maneuver weaknesses, any Guardsman hit with the Tommy Stephens Style Senton will melt into a puddle of goo. This isn't so much because of their training so much as the tendency of evil things to disintegrate when struck with the power of sheer good.

15. Gamma Ray purchased the Guard from The Evil Masked Broadcaster, so each one comes equipped with a barcode on the back of the neck for easy identification, a microchip in their heads in case a remote control override is necessary (or a cortex bomb needs to be activated to ensure their silence), and training in many evil techniques. Because of this training, they can never outright kill a victim; they must first place the victim in an inescapable deathtrap (and then inexplicably leave the area). Fortunately, Gamma Ray is morally flexible enough to rationalize supervillain behavior as being heroic in nature compared to the rest of the UWF.

16. The Guard are secretly big Gavin Cassel fans. This is mostly due to the fact that they get him mixed up with Matt Cassel, and they're really big Kansas City Chiefs fans. And now you know why they're pissed off all the time.
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Flouzemaker
The Luther Burger
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Ah!
Well, there we go.

Saves me a lot of trouble, that!

:lol:



Still, so precisions are called for.

3. As a UWF contracted heel that has been around less than ten years, most of the Guard are fans of Tumaffi. Those that don't wet their pants out of fear will do so out of excitement.

4. With Gamma Ray, it has to be decaffeinated coffee, though.

9. Who the frak is Cliff Lee? Oh... baseball. Never mind. I don't follow baseball.

10. Note that some of the Guard can't read too good. They may have Twilight coloring books instead.

16. Since it turns out Cassel has a contract, and, I believe, has been an active wrestler for less than ten years (the ideal is five, but eh)... they actually would be Cassel fans!
As for Matt Cassel... see Cliff Lee. I don't follow football either. I only know that Dallas Cowboys are a football team. American football. From the NFL.
:unsure:
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Overly_Critical_Jue
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Amigo, I ain't anybody but Juan Vasquez!
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So yeah...Gamma Ray truly is Mojo Jojo.

GR: I have everything stacked in my favor. Now...give me 4 contracts!

KL: Nah.

GR: CURSES!
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RedRajah
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Shocked Woona is Shocked
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Overly_Critical_Jue,Mar 10 2010
09:32 PM
I'm going to say the Guard took a coffee break during Kinsey's rampage. or Oz Rivera fell on his back and couldn't get back up.

You know, with all that "Vasquez" being thrown around in the ending segment, Juan might take it the wrong way and use his vast resources for good! Hmmm...

[Next week...]

Telecom: "Hello, angels."

[Cut to a shot of International Incident]

[in unison] "HI JUAN!"




Now then, who would play Bosley...hmmm...

D"YH"D: Greetings and Salutations~!
And here's where I pretend to be a writer...
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Flouzemaker
The Luther Burger
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RedRajah,Mar 10 2010
11:12 PM
Overly_Critical_Jue,Mar 10 2010
09:32 PM
I'm going to say the Guard took a coffee break during Kinsey's rampage. or Oz Rivera fell on his back and couldn't get back up.

You know, with all that "Vasquez" being thrown around in the ending segment, Juan might take it the wrong way and use his vast resources for good! Hmmm...

[Next week...]

Telecom: "Hello, angels."

[Cut to a shot of International Incident]

[in unison] "HI JUAN!"




Now then, who would play Bosley...hmmm...

D"YH"D: Greetings and Salutations~!

That's a license to print money, that is.

As is anything that D"YH"D does...
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