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Show Seven Part One
Topic Started: Apr 1 2010, 09:28 PM (160 Views)
ratrangerm
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[Fade in: It's Randy Grant, standing at the front gate of the Prison in the Middle of Nowhere. Big smile, check. White teeth, check. Still full of himself, check.

Clips playing of the last show as he speaks, check.]

RG: Last time on Total Drama Wrestling, we paired up the six remaining contestants to do some tag team bonding... and we got mixed results.

Suzie Machina and Kevin McCabe appeared to at odds, given McCabe's disapproval of Machina getting together with her fellow competitors to vote off Simon O'Neal... especially when you consider McCabe hasn't gotten along with American Freebear.

And it ended up with McCabe attacking Machina after their tag team match... hey, you gotta expect some tag teams will break up like that. It's a golden rule of wrestling.

And another golden rule of wrestling are partners who don't see eye to eye but try to make the most of it, as was the case with Keisha Love and Jack Keening.

Love wasn't quite happy about Keening voting off O'Neal... now, hold one, why is it things still revolve around O'Neal even when he's gone?

Anyway, Love and Keening actually worked well as a tandem... if you consider Keening letting Love do all the work, working together.

But it was the duo of American Freebear and Gabby RioPaah that ended up forming the most formidable duo... the pairing know as Wild Kingdom bonded in their own strange way, and their unity was enough to gain them invincibility.

And when the vote came down, it was Kevin McCabe who was sent packing.

And that leaves us with five competitors. Which of these five gets voted off this show?

Which of these five will ultimately walk out the winner?

We are in the home stretch... and I'll admit I'm feeling a little homesick... but we'll find out who ends up going home... at the conclusion of this episode of...

TOTAL!

DRAMA!

WRESTLING!

[No opening sequence, check. Still too cheap to put it together, check.

And so, we go right to the cafeteria. Breakfast looks like it was microwave sausage biscuits. At least it's better than the usual fare... or, at least we'd like to think it is.

As the five remaining wrestlers finish up, Randy Grant and Raymond Elbert walk into the room.]

RG: Good morning, participants... today's challenge is truly going to test your wrestling skills... and your wrestling creativity as well.

As every wrestler should know, the folding chair is a staple of any wrestling brawl... but then one fine day, somebody decided chairs weren't enough.

And so, they decided to start putting opponents through tables.

Meanwhile, the ladder match caught on, and the next thing you know, chairs and tables were added to the ladder mix.

And that's what today's show will be all about... as they say, tables, ladders, chairs, oh my!

RE: And now comes the part where I get to talk... part of the deal Randy has with me today.

RG: Actually, it came about because I've already lost the Final Four challenge I had going with him.

RE: That'll teach you to pick Kansas to go all the way!

But listen up... as your referee, I am going to allow you to perform a move with a table, a ladder and a chair... and it's up to you to show me just how creative you are at putting it to use.

You can spring off the object, use it to do the move, put your opponent through it... I don't care what, just as long as you put these things to good use.

You get one move with a ladder, one with a table and one with a chair. And the one who I judge to be the best is gonna win that precious invincibility... and the others, well, you'll be at the mercy of the ballot box.

RG: Gotta say, you were pretty impressive... almost as good as I am. But really... who in their right mind would have picked Butler to make it to the Final Four?

RE: Hey, I just do it the old fashioned way... I pick the names I like the best. That'll teach you to listen to all them sports radio talk shows!

RG: It was the only thing the radios here could pick up... what else was I going to listen to?

RE: Never mind this guy... now, get to your promos and we'll meet you in the gym, pronto!

[In front of the TDW backdrop, viewers are greeted with what should be a familiar sight by now.]

"Smashin'? Why that's what Freebears do best!"

[The American Freebear, only one of his kind and only (male) wrestler to have survived the eliminations! Stroking his grizzly beard, the mighty Freebear stands pondering all the possibilities for mayhem suddenly available to him.]

"Now you offer the American Freebear any tool at all, he'll smash you with it. Doesn't matter if it's a chair, a ladder or a table: I'll pick it up and smash you with it. I'll make fuzzy slippers hurt, don't you doubt me about that. But you want me to *FINALLY* show off what the American Freebear is about inside that ring, then you got one heck of a showcase coming yo way!!! I wrap steel chairs around any fool's neck, I make people suffer through the ladder and as for tables... Man, they ain't NOBODY that comes down harder then I do!!!"

"Because excuse me if you heard this before, but the American Freebear is the only bear that flies!!! And whenever the American Freebear flies, destruction abounds, carnage follows and the ring ends up littered with the broken pieces of leftover plunder and wrestlers!!! This is MY promise to you, and this bear you cannot change, Lord knows I can't change!!!"

[Exit the Freebear from the stage via cartwheel]

[And we cut to... the same TDW backdrop. Huh.]

RIOPAAH: Oh yes, give the dirty savage some weapons, eh? She'll be doing top rope splashes through the table in no time. Well, d'ya'know what?

[She holds up a handheld slate with numerous chalk diagrams on it. In the corner, keen-eyed viewers will note she has also written "GABBY [heart] ZAC."]

RIOPAAH: Simple Newtonian physics, combined with a very special blend of psychology and extreme violence, wil equal me winning immunity again. Very simple. Now on a related note...

[She lowers the chalkboard and raises her other.]

RIOPAAH: I would like to formally lodge a protest with the organizers of this competition that there is no category for the classic pro wrestling tradition of brass knuckles.

[Gabby turns her fist around, revealing she is still wearing the brass knuckles she acquired in the first episode of Total Drama Wrestling.]

RIOPAAH: I mean, how many weeks has it been and I still can't get this sodding thing off me hand?!

[The scene opens to a very confident Keisha Love, standing in front of the TDW banner. The pretty young woman is clad in a white, tank top and black, boy-cut shorts, completing the look with tennis shoes. Her long, black hair is draped over her shoulder, arms folded across her chest.]

Keisha: Now _that_ was a pretty satisfying episode, wouldn’t you say? Kevin McCabe is finally gone and I’m still here.

[A satisfied smirk crosses her lips.]

Keisha: I’m sure many of you are wondering just how in the Hell I did it. And I don’t blame you, because I’m wondering myself!

[She lets out a small laugh.]

Keisha: That’s right. I’m woman enough to admit that I thought I was a goner, after this last show. After those two fatties won immunity, I just knew that the rest of the jealous idiots around here would take me out next, after eliminating Simon. Luckily, there was other bad blood that proved to be my saving grace.

Unfortunately for my competition, not getting rid of me, when they had the chance, is going to come back to bite them in the ass. Because, after imagining this competition nearly slipping from my fingers and then getting a second chance, I am more determined than ever now to win this thing. That means I’ll be even tougher, stronger, and better than ever. And I’ll prove that tonight.

[She places her hands firmly on her hips.]

Keisha: Because I pretty much have a lock on today’s challenge. See, it’s all about innovation and there’s no other person here more innovative than me. I mean, I’ve wrestled in Japan, for crying out loud. So, I’m no stranger to making up moves to wow a crowd or incorporating weapons.

[She waves her hand.]

Keisha: If any of you are smart, you’ll just step aside and just let me claim immunity. Because that baby? Is mine. And I'm not letting any of you step in my way. There's no more Mrs Nice Guy.

[Fade.]

[Cut to Suzie Machina in front of a TDW backdrop. She's visibly more confident than she has recently, and cracks her knuckles before she speaks.]

SM: Last vote was a close shave, but now McCabe is gone instead of me, so as far as I'm concerned the world's a wonderful place. And so we come to another challenge, putting my ass in danger yet again. Ah well, what else is new?

This one is right up my alley. I love ladder matches. Won my only singles title in a ladder match. And tables and chairs... well, we're good friends too. Plus anytime I get to beat up on scrubs is a good day for me.

Yup, things are definitely looking up for old Suzie. What could possibly go wrong?

[Yeah, she just said that. Let's see how that backfires on her.]

[TDW banner~! Yes, laid across the hard and cold prison wall is the logo that fans at home have come to know as depressing. I mean come to associate with Total Drama Wrestling! We've all seen it about 200 times, so let's move on.]

JK1: And now let's send it back to the back where Jack Keening is waiting to interview TDW's awesomely handsome superstar Jack Keening!

[W. T. F? Yes, that was Jack Keening speaking about himself in the third person while referring to two other of himself. This could be very bad. The man himself walks in from stage right, a goofy grin on his face, grasping a corded microphone that appears to be attached to nothing.]

JK2: Thanks Jack. Hey, love your tie.

[Quickly skipping off camera, Jack speaks again, this time in his previous announcer-ish tone.]

JK1: Hey, right back at you, big guy!

[Then interviewer Jack skips back in. It should be noted that the borderline (maybe over the border now) nutjob's distinctive brown suit is now in tatters. It was never in pristine fresh-from-the-tailor condition to begin with, but now there are holes, tears, stains and etcetera marring it's surface. The thing was clearly never intended to be worn in an environment like TDW.]

JK2: Okay! I'm here to get a big scoop, an interview with Jack Keening! Jack, is it true that you're going to win the big prize in TDW?

[Turning, twisting his wrist around unnaturally to make it appear as if someone else is holding the microphone, Jack stands on his toes to seem taller.]

JK3: Well, I wasn't planning on doing it tonight, but yes.

[Aaand 10,987 viewers at home change the channel. Jack continues to work his calves while playing MPD monkey all by his lonesome.]

JK2: Is it true that everyone else in the competition are just ships without rudders, drifting aimlessly while you steer as the crow flies towards your goal?

JK3: I wouldn't say that ... in so many words. I prefer just to say that “they're clueless losers”. Especially that Freebear douchebag. Oh, hey, how about Douchebear? I like that.

JK2: Ha-ha! I like it also! I like it so much that I'm going to put it on a shirt and wear that shirt until it disintegrates from my many wearings.

JK3: But seriously yes, I am TDW's uncrowned champion.

JK2: Well tonight you're expected to demonstrate your proficiency with wrestling-related weaponry. I assume that you have some sort of glorious plan to take home the much vaunted invulnerability trophy.

JK3: You assume correctly. I plan to bribe the judges.

JK2: But aren't your fellow contestants the judges?

JK3: Oh yeah! Wow, good thing you said something or I would've just wasted money. I've got 10 kids you know, and they all need bribe money too.

JK2: Yes, we all must stay within a bribing budget. So, with that knowledge, what's your plan now?

JK3: Well, keep in mind that I have the Chairbell (tm). Chairs, especially ones with bells in them, are my specialty ... ever since I bolted my ring bell to this chair here...

[Jerking a random background folding chair up and folding it flat, Jack points to the ring bell he obtained early on in the competition, then later inexplicably combined with a chair.]

JK2: Say, that's a nice looking foreign object there. I bet it hurts a lot!

JK3: You bet! All that extra weight really packs a punch, and let me tell you, it makes a great sound. If the Blue Oyster Cult were recording “Don't Fear the Reaper” right now, and weren't total dicks, you can bet that their producer would be calling for “More Chairbell!”

[Wait, what? What's Jack's problem with BOC?]

JK2: So what move will you be performing using the Chairbell?

JK3: Oh, just your basic elbowdrop. After all, who else will have a chair more innovative than the Chairbell? I've got that chair competition sewn up.

JK2: And the other two categories?

JK3: Other two?

JK2: Ladder and Table.

JK3: Oh. OH! I'll have to get back to you on that one.

[Suddenly Jack stoops down, his voice going gravelly like an older gentlemen.]

JK4: Hey, Jack, Jack, both you guys need to clear out. We need this space for a buffet table. That Freebear guy goes cannibalistic if he doesn't eat ten times his weight in hard-tack and suet per day.

JK3: Uh-oh! Better go! I don't wanna be snapped up like a Pac-Man ghost before Freebear's power-pellet induced rampage!

JK2: Same here. I'm smaller somehow, and thus would fit more easily into his mouth.

JK3: I hear he's friends with Blue Oyster Cult.

JK2: Ew! I hope they don't ever write him a theme song. That would be vomit inducing.

[Moving back the way he came, Jack disappears, then speaks again.]

JK: And now back to ... wait. Which one am I now? Announcer Jack, Interviewer Jack, Interview-EE Jack ... just Jack? OOOooo ... Heart!

[Suddenly Jack sprints across the screen, arms stretched out before him as if he were flying.]

JK5(?): CAPTAIN PLANET!!!

[And drug testing for Jack Keening is scheduled for tomorrow at 8am. Cut!]

[And then we head to the gymnasium, where the wrestling ring is set up. Three unidentified individuals... who look like they don't really want to be there... stand in the ring. Surrounding the ring are several chairs, a few tables and a couple of ladders. The five participants stand near the ring, and Randy and Raymond are there as well.]

RG: First of all, I'd like you to say hello to Larry, Moe and Curly... they have volunteered to be the subjects of the moves you will be doing.

[They have? Because from the looks on their faces, they look they were forced into this against their will.]

RG: Larry will be the one you use to demonstrate your chair moves, which you will do first... then, it will be Moe who you will use to demonstrate your ladder moves... and after that, Curly will be on the receiving end of your table moves.

So let's get things underway with the chair moves... Raymond will be judging you as to how much he likes your moves on a scale of 1 to 10.

CHAIRS FIRST, OH MY!

First up was the American Freebear, who took the unwitting Larry and slammed him a couple of times before grabbing a chair. He held in front of him, then tucked into a forward roll, diving chair first to land on top of Larry.

Larry was dazed, but it was now time for Gabby RioPaah to show her stuff. She headbutted Larry several times, then placed her chair in front of his face, hooking on a King Cobra Hold, rocking back and forth and leaving Larry in agonizing pain.

Keisha Love then got her turn, much to Larry's dismay. Holding the chair, she hopped onto Larry's shoulders and slammed the chair over his head. With Larry dazed, she then tossed the chair to the mat, then grabbed Larry and drilled him headfirst onto the chair tossed to the mat.

Larry looked to be nearly out of it, but Suzie Machina had her turn coming up. She set the chair up in the ring, then dragged Larry up, hitting a backbreaker across the chair. Suzie then headed to the top rope, then flew off with a legdrop that bent the chair... and Larry... in half.

Jack Keening then entered the ring, bringing his own chairbell from the previous challenges. Larry was unconscious, so Jack just opted to do a chairbell-assisted elbowdrop across his face. And that, as they say, was that.

RG: You know, I wished we had an available supply of Tylenol, but unfortunately, we don't... so Larry will just have to settle for a nap instead. Raymond... what did you think?

[Raymond has been pushing Larry out of the ring with his feet, then turns toward Randy.]

RE: I gotta say Freebear had a pretty decent idea... I'd give him seven points for that.

RioPaah was pretty darn good as well... seven points as well.

Keisha Love... that's what I call a nifty move. That's worth eight points.

And Suzie Machina... she gets eight points to. Liked the combo.

Jack Keening... what is it with these Keenings anyway? Can't you come up with a better idea? Four points... only because I'm feeling generous.

RG: And so it's Keisha and Suzie in the lead, but Freebear and Gabby are right behind them. Jack has some ground to make up... let's see what happens next.

We've got ladders... and we've got a victim by the name of Moe. Have at it, everyone.

LADDER MOVES, MY OH MY!

Freebear shoved a ladder into the ring, and Moe may have wanted to be anywhere but the ring, but he didn't have a choice. After Freebear pummeled Moe a little bit, he set the ladder up in the middle of the ring, then dragged Moe up the ladder. He then sunset flipped over Moe, driving him into the canvas with a sunset flip sitout powerbomb off the ladder.

That alone would have been enough for Moe, but it was now RioPaah's turn, and she shoved Moe into the corner, where she then set the bottom legs of the ladder on the top rope. Taking the other end of the ladder, RioPaah repeatedly headbutted it, driving the bottom rung into Moe's face several times.

Moe was likely in need of a good dental plan, but now he had to deal with Keisha. She slammed Moe on top of the ladder, then headed to the top rope, executing her Lovely Landing with Moe sprawled across the ladder.

Moe rolled off in pain, but was then met with a sharp kick to the ribs by the next competitor. And that would be Machina, who then set up the ladder, grabbed Moe by the head, then ran up the ladder and flipped off, hitting a shiranui that knocked More for a loop.

Moe flopped face first to the canvas as Jack then entered the ring, dragging Moe so he was shoved inside the ladder. He then applied a Boston crab while sitting on the ladder. Moe didn't move... looks like the guy had about all he could take.

RG: I don't know who took the worst of the punishment... the ladders or Moe.

[Raymond is again nudging the unfortunate victim out of the ring.]

RE: If these guys can't take a little punishment, then maybe they need to put through a boot camp... anyway, I have to say I liked what I saw from RioPaah... eight points for innovation!

Freebear... quite the high impact move, worth about eight points as well.

Love... I've seen it done before. That's seven points for you.

Machina... well, that was all right. I'll give you seven points, though.

Keening? Come on, get a little more creative than that... I'll let you have five points, but only because I'm a nice guy.

RG: Wow... Jack Keening has some ground to make up, as the rest go in with a four-way tie. Who is going to win? We'll find out, because it's time to get the tables and get Curly into that ring.

OH MY, TABLE MOVES!

Curly was in the ring, but it wasn't like he had any other choice. And Freebear got his turn first... a headbutt led to Curly being sprawled across the chair and Freebear went to the top rope for a good old-fashioned moonsault through the table.

A broken table and a broken Curly was what remained, but not it was RioPaah's turn, and she set up a table in the corner and executed an Exploder suplex through it. So now we had two broken tables and an even further broken Curly.

Keisha got her turn next, and then set up a table in the middle of the ring. She dragged Curly to the corner, climbed to the top rope, elbowed Curly in the head, then hit a sunset flip, sending Curly crashing through the table.

Suzie made her way through the wreckage... which included Curly... and dragged him to the ropes, hanging him there. A table was set up outside the ring, and that's when Suzie hit an iconoclasm to put Curly crashing through the table outside.

Jack was waiting outside the ring, and he just chose to set up a table over the prone Curly. He climbed to the apron and jumped through the table... an apparent attempt to put the table through Curly. Well, some splinters did go into Curly, so one could guess it worked.

RG: Boy, we've got a mess to clean up. Raymond, what about it?

RE: I ain't no janitor! Find somebody else to clean it up!

RG: Not that, Raymond... the scores! How do you rate everybody?

RE: Oh, that... well, seeing a guy the size of Freebear flying with a moonsault is cool, but I've seen that move done before. Five points.

RG: And that gives Freebear 20 total points. What about Gabby?

RE: Again, an impressive move... but been there, done that. Five points.

RG: That makes it 20 for Gabby as well... and now, we come to Keisha.

RE: Hitting a move like that from the top rope isn't an easy feat... I gotta give Keisha credit there. Seven points.

RG: And that puts Keisha in the lead with 22 points... what about Suzie Machina?

RE: I liked her style on that... but the impact was just a little bit off for me. I'll give her six points.

RG: And that's 21 points for Suzie Machina... it comes down to Jack Keening.

RE: Well, that's the first time I've seen somebody try to put the table through the opponent... what the heck. I'll give him the full monty... 10 points.

RG: How about that... Jack is the only one to get the maximum score in an event... but unfortunately, it comes a bit short of taking the challenge.

Because Jack only got nine points combined in the first two events, he finishes dead last with 19 points... and the person who finished first is Keisha Love with 22 points, which means she gets invincibility!

[Keisha smirks and poses. Randy turns to the other four participants.]

RG: Sucks to be the rest of you... knowing now it comes down to the vote tonight. We'll see you all at dinner... hope your appetites didn't get spoiled.

[He then turns to Raymond.]

RG: Really, though, who is going to clean up?

RE: Hey, these three guys are janitors... they can clean it up after they have had their rest.

RG: [shrugs] Works for me.

[Fade out.]
"Just as I discovered the meaning of life, it changed." -- George Carlin
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