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Show Eight
Topic Started: Apr 25 2010, 10:59 AM (161 Views)
ratrangerm
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[We fade in to find Randy Grant, big smile on his face, standing at the gate that leads into the Prison in the Middle of Nowhere.]

RG: Last time on Total Drama Wrestling...

...the five remaining participants had to showcase their best wrestling moves with the use of a table, a ladder and a chair.

There were some interesting moves... such as Gabby RioPaah headbutting a ladder, American Freebear demonstrating how he is the only bear that flies and Jack Keening demonstrating... well, demonstrating whatever it is he does.

When it came down to who impressed Raymond Elbert the most, it was Keisha Love who won the most approval... although who can say what he may or may not have been approving.

Regardless, it was Love gaining invincibility while the other four had to face the ballot box.

And it was the American Freebear who was evidently seen to be the biggest threat and thus ended up the victim of the vote.

That brings us to four competitors left.

Can Keisha Love come out on top again?

Can Gabby RioPaah use her head to claim a victory? You decide if that was a pun.

Can Suzie Machina surprise everyone when they least expect it?

Can Jack Keening keep dodging bullets?

And can I ask if I'm getting serious consideration for an Emmy?

Some questions just might be answered... as we enter the home stretch of...

TOTAL...

DRAMA...

WRESTLING!

[And then we make the immediate cut to the cafeteria. Today's breakfast for our four remaining competitors was microwave sausage biscuits. Cheap and high in sodium content... not that it's comparable to anything.

At any rate, Randy Grant is already up at the front of the cafeteria, ready to give his speech.]

RG: And so we are down to four... and it's time to cut this field down to three. How are we going to do that?

I can tell you that we aren't going to do it by a vote this time around... instead, the four of you will have to earn your way to being one of the final three contestants.

And in the process, you'll earn yourself this.

[He then holds up a title belt, one that looks nicer than the previous two.]

RG: This is the Total Drama Wrestling TV championship... now, of course, every show is televised on Stuff Happening on Television, but it's the next logical step after a regional championship.

I have this belt and two more that are waiting to be won by those of you who manage to make it through this round of competition... and it will be done in three parts.

[Raymond Elbert then enters the room, carrying a large box with him.]

RG: So, Raymond, tell us about what you have for our four corners match.

RE: Right here, in this box, are four colored briefcases... now, I've never been a fan of object on a pole matches, as how does showing you can retrive an object from a pole demonstrate your perceived superiority as a wrestler.

Regardless, Randy is gonna have these four briefcases all hanging on poles. One is red, to match the color of your faces after going through these embarassing challenges. One is yellow, which matches the colored streak that goes down your back when you are in the ring with someone better than you. One is green, as in, green with envy over the fact that I get to dictate policy to you and you all better just keep your mouths shut. And one is blue, of which three of you will be after you fail to be the one that finishes this challenge as the winner.

The winner will be the one who grabs the briefcase that has the title belt inside. The rest of you... well, since this was Randy's idea, and it has nothing to do with wrestling, I ain't gonna talk about it.

RG: Sheesh, Raymond... you'd think you'd want to see these wrestlers show they are more than just wrestlers. Like, for example... they can show us their dance moves in a three-way dance.

Because the three who must move forward will have a dance off to determine who is going to get the next title belt. Hope you guys don't have two left feet.

[Time for Randy to chuckle.]

RG: And then when it gets down to the last two, those two will spend their time in a one-on-one competition... by showing off their stuff on the basketball court.

The final two contenstants will determine their fate in a good old fashioned game of H-O-R-S-E. The winner of that competition gets the final title belt... and the loser is outta here!

So you've got about an hour to get ready for the four corners match... now let's win some TV titles!

[We find Suzie Machina in front of the now-familiar TDW banner. Physically she looks fine, but she has a sour expression on her face.]

SM: Okay, so I spend all this time conniving my way throgh the competition, putting up with terrible withdrawal symptoms, and worst of all forcing myself to have a conversation with the American Freebear... and it leads me to this. A dance contest and a basketball game. What the fuck?

I've come too far to go home because of something this stupid, bad high school flashbacks aside. I'm not sure how I'm going to win tonight, but I -will-, even if it involves taking one of those briefcases and shoving it down the referees' throats. Because at this point the only way I could be more humiliated is if I don't walk away from this thing the winner.

[Suzie stands up and walks out of the interview room, and the camera cuts away.]

JK: Okay, so I'd say it's about time to get serious.

[Fade in on Jack Keening sitting on the bunk in his room. Looks like Jack has cast aside his suit jacket and just wears his short-sleeved dress shirt instead. The tie is gone as well.]

JK: No more popularity contests. They're done.

[Jack gives a “fatty grunt” as he bends down to tie his tattered dress shoes.]

JK: No more showing a false face to these people so that they'll vote someone else off. Time to play to win.

[Leaning his head on one hand, Jack grips his hair.]

JK: I won't claim to be the baddest man on the planet. I may not be in the flush of my youth. But, let's be frank, I can take a girl. I mean, okay, Gabby, Suzie, they're tough ... for _girls_. Keisha, well, I know from first hand experience that she's a scary lady. I'm sure she can scratch and bite with the best of 'em but as long as I can guard my junk, she's going down too.

[Sexist? Yes. If there were a crowd in earshot you can bet Jack would be getting roundly boo'ed. Jack stands.]

JK: YES! Let's be Frank! Not Jack, but Frank. I kept my head down, I kicked Simon O'Neal to the curb, abandoned McCabe to the wolves and finally managed to outlast the Freebear. I had a plan, I followed it to the letter, gave everyone their roles and, unbeknownst, they played them.

I wasn't a threat. Let me just repeat that; I wasn't a threat. Nobody gave Jack Keening chance one at claiming the big prize. They saw me as crazy, weak, maybe some of them saw a near-middle-aged-man with half a liver, and if so, stop looking at my medical records. Jerk.

[Gesticulating wildly, Jack paces his cell.]

JK: So I pretended to be a fake journalist, I pretended to be a flunky, I riveted a ringbell to a chair (which I'm keeping, by the way) and now I'm living every man's dream.

Me and three women. Three women, two of them quite attractive, myself and a wrestling ring. The only way it could be better is if we filled the ring with mud. If I weren't married, and not trapped in an abandoned prison, I'd be dancing in the streets. As it stands, however, I look at this as a prime opportunity for a spanking.

Don't think I'll hit a girl? I have five daughters. Ask them if they got spanked growing up. Hell, one of 'em's only ten. She's probably done something since I've been talking here to deserve a spanking!

So yeah, ladies. There's nothing sexual about this. No thrills for old Jack. It's not fair to you, I know, to be facing off against a 20-year veteran like myself in a competition like this, no man to fight on your behalf. It just isn't fair, but still...

Prepare yourselves ... for a spanking!

[Chuckling at his own spirited sexism, Jack departs his cell. Fade.]

[The scene opens to the cell containing Keisha Love. The young woman is sitting down, filing her nails. She’s clad in a white tank top and pink, boy-cut shorts, completing the look with tennis. Her long, black hair is draped over her shoulder. She hums softly to herself before looking up and spotting the camera. A small, content sigh escapes her lips and she places the nail file aside.]

Keisha: You know, I’ve never been a really big religious person. As a kid, I would attend church regularly with my family. But as an adult?

[She shrugs.]

Keisha: Not so much. I mean, I believe in God, of course. But worshipping regularly was never a big priority, until I joined this show. You see, I’ve discovered that I am one of God’s chosen and am destined to win this game.

[She beams.]

Keisha: And how do I know this, you ask? Well, it has to do with the fact that tonight’s event includes a dance contest.

[She pauses.]

Keisha: Do any of you remember The Babe Squad Dancers? They were a group of dancers that would entertain the fans during Freedom Wrestling Organization shows a few years ago.

[She hops to her feet and does a twirl.]

Keisha: And I was one of them, as well as their choreographer, a job I earned because of my extensive dance background, including jazz, hip hop, and ballet.

[She folds her arms across her chest and smirks.]

Keisha: So, I think everyone would agree that there hasn’t been an event here yet more suited to my talents than this. And when I heard the news, I was in complete shock. I thought it was dumb luck, at first, until I really sat down and figured that it had to be a miracle, sent from above.

[She gestures skyward.]

Keisha: So, my talents and abilities aren’t the only things that have apparently kept me here. Looks like there was a little divine intervention too. It’s probably why Freebear’s fat ass is back in the slums, where he belongs. And why I will not be going anywhere tonight and will be getting my rightful belt instead.

[She raises her arms and throws back her head.]

Keisha: Hallelujah! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some preparing to do.

[She clears her throat and stretches.]

Keisha: Five…and six..and seven…

[She proceeds to writhe and gyrate to imaginary music as the scene fades.]

"I'm not fat."

*THUNK*

[Gabby RioPaah is practicing in front of the prison yard's basketball hoop. She bounces a basketball on the ground a couple of times before throwing it at the hoop. No graceful arc, no smooth action. The ball rockets through the air and violently ricochets off the backboard.]

*THUNK*

RIOPAAH: "I'm not bovvered Keisha Love says I'm fat. At least I'm not... ANOREXIC!"

[She picks up another ball.]

*THUNK*

RIOPAAH: "So I messed up on the table portion of the last competition and my closest ally was eliminated. I'm not bovvered. Doesn't bovver me."

*THUNK*

RIOPAAH: "Doesn't bovver me that I'm red-green color blind and I can't tell which briefcase is which. Doesn't bovver me at all."

*THUNK*

RIOPAAH: "AND IT DOESN'T BOVVER ME THAT I CAN'T PLAY THIS FLIPPING GAME!!!"

*THUNK*

RIOPAAH: "Stupid, ridiculous, moronic, stupid sport!"

*THUNK*

RIOPAAH: "No one appreciates my good fundamentals!"

*THUNK*

RIOPAAH: "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!"

[RioPaah screams at a basketball. She chomps down on it and tears it in half with her teeth.]

RIOPAAH: "GRRRRRRR!!!"

[She suddenly stops, half a basketball dangling from her mouth. She takes it out and holds it in her hand.]

RIOPAAH: "Typical. I get upset and I turn straight to food."

[From there, we cut to the ring where all four competitors are waiting. Briefcase are already hanging on the four poles, one in each corner.]

RG: Raymond is in the ring... briefcase are hung... and these four fine folks are ready to go find themselves a championship belt.

Remember... the wrestler who finds the briefcase with the title belt will move on to the final three... the rest of you get another shot at it... but if you don't get the belt, you better hope you got some good dance moves.

I'm a tough judge after all.

THE FOUR CORNERS MATCH

Is one man against three women considered to be fair odds? Well, that depends on the women and that depends on the man... and in this case, the man was Jack Keening. Still, Keening now seemed perfectly fine with pushing his weight around... but it didn't exactly work with Gabby RioPaah, who was big enough to handle things.

Suzie Machina and Keisha Love spent plenty of time battling each other, with Suzie trying to get to the red briefcase each time, only for Keisha to intervene. Jack took a few minutes to assist Keisha, but the two were keeping a wary eye on each other. And that allowed Gabby a chance to intervene by headbutting both of them.

As the three continued to battle with each other, Suzie took advantage by sneaking to the corner where that red briefcase was and retrieving it. Jack and Keisha were able to get the upper hand on Gabby, but when they had Gabby cornered, Keisha took the opportunity to turn on her supposed ally, then make a dash for the corner with the yellow briefcase.

It was down to Jack and Gabby, with Gabby using her head (literally) and Jack using whatever else he could find. Eventually, Jack tried to get to the blue briefcase, but Gabby managed to suplex him off the turnbuckles, then retrieve the briefcase herself... although considering Gabby's claims to color-blindness, she may have just grabbed it because it was there. That left Jack to make his way to the final corner and retrieve the green case, thus ending the match.

RG: All right, time to open up some cases. And in this case, there's no banker hiding in a secret office to call you up on the phone asking you "deal or no deal."

Suzie, let's see what you got.

[Suzie then opened up her briefcase, the contents revealing...

...nothing.]

RG: Hmmm... sometimes it's best not to go for the first case you see.

But that brings us to Keisha Love... open up that case.

[And Keisha does just that, which reveals...

...nothing again.]

RG: Wow... the first two to get cases and to open cases have nothing. That's a... shocker.

[Yeah, right, dude.]

RG: Jack and Gabby... it comes down to the two of you. Let's see what you got.

[This obviously means Jack and Gabby need to open their cases at the same time, which they do.

And as both open their cases...

...Jack comes up empty while Gabby pulls out...]

RG: And there it is... the first of the TDW TV championships! Gabby RioPaah is moving on!

The rest of you... out on the dance floor, hop to it.

[A brief pause.]

RG: Or whatever dance moves you got... I hope you are prepared.

THREE-WAY DANCE

Jack Keening opted to start things off by doing the Charleston... oldies but goodies seemed to be his first thought. Then he opted to mix in the most maligned musical era in history as he broke out the disco point... who knows if John Travolta would have been proud, though. And then, he decided to break out The Running Man dance... he lacked the big, puffy pants to make it work, but maybe that was for the best.

Suzie Machina was next up and she broke out a treat from the 1980s... breakdancing. Well, I hear they are still doing those moves in some locations... probably the 80's bars. Machina, though, opted to put her own twist on the moves doing a few flips and jumps.

Keisha Love, on the other hand, was truly demonstrating her best moves, doing plenty of splits and backflips and topping it off with a hip hop routine and gyrating. But as she was about to finish her final steps, Machina stuck out a leg to trip her up. Keisha was about to ready to tear into Suzie, but Raymond Elbert intervened. Why he did, we can only guess it was because he has to do his job... believe me, Raymond would have preferred to let the catfight commence.

RG: You know, I kind of feel bad for Raymond too... catfights equal ratings!

[Chuckling follows.]

RG: But this is supposed to be a dance off, not a street fight!

RE: We can still take these two out to the streets... a street catfight sounds sexy!

RG: Well... we could if we wanted to, but we've got a challenge to finish first.

And I've gotta say... while Suzie and Keisha have some mighty fine dance moves, what Jack Keening opted to do was pretty gutsy. Busting out some of the most maligned dance moves of all time... I like that.

[He then hands over a title belt to Keening.]

RG: Congratulations, Jack... you've just won the dance off.

And now... the moment of truth. Keisha Love... Suzie Machina... we're not gonna take it to the streets, but we are gonna take it to the courts. It's down to the two of you... let's play a game of Horse

Hope you don't shoot too many airballs.

ONE-ON-ONE

Suzie Machina was the first one to take to the court, tossing the basketball in the air and doing a cartwheel before catching the ball and shooting... and made good on the first shot. Her second attempt came when she did two backflips and spun around for a shot... and it bounced off the rim.

The third attempt came as Suzie balanced the ball on her head briefly before putting up a jump shot... and she made good on that shot. Then came a run and a jump, followed by a skating style turn after which she launched the shot... but that one just sailed past the goal. Finally, she took three forward flips, then did a quick back flip, all while holding the ball, then took the shot... and it clattered around the rim a bit before it fell in, giving her three points.

Keisha Love now had to top that three-point performance, and first she took a jump shot... which went in. Then she went for the set shot... that, too, fell in. She then delivered a simple layup... and again, got a point.

Love then tried to do something few women have been able to do... a slam dunk. However, the ball bounced off the rim, thus she needed one last chance at the final point. Love walked to the half-court point, turned around, then tossed the ball into the air. And while it did come to close to going into the hoop... as with the shot before, it bounced off the rim, leaving her at three points.

RE: We got a tie... what are you gonna do now, hotshot?

RG: Well, I did say the two competitors could only attempt five shots... so we have to stick with that.

But that being said, I think we can do a little tiebreaker. Shall we have a secret conversation?

RE: About what we're gonna have for dinner tonight?

RG: Well, that can be arranged... but later. We need to debate the winner.

[And now, the two of them huddle together, whispering to each other.

Dramatic music must be cued up.

A shot of Suzie Machina waiting is needed.

So is one of Keisha Love.

Continue this process.

While these two men discuss and debate.

Just who gets...

...the final TDW TV title...

...and thus moves on...

...to the final three...

...and now, the men turn around.

Raymond just grins...

...Randy just raises up his hand...

...and prepares to point...

...as we finally...

...knock it off with all this writing...

...and reveal the winner.]

RG: Suzie Machina... come get your belt.

[Suzie smiles as she walks forward to claim her prize.

Keisha does not look pleased.]

RG: Suzie, I gotta say... for somebody who never played basketball, you have a clever shot selection.

And Keisha... showing off your half-court stuff is always fun... but didn't work for you.

[Randy then walks up to Keisha.]

RG: Still, though... you've got an important role coming up... you and a few others. Want to know a secret?

[He then whispers something to Keisha... who still looks a bit disappointed, but gets a slight smile.

Randy chuckles again as Raymond enters the picture. He is also smiling]

RE: Ah, you gotta love it... the three suckers left have no idea what's in store for them!

RG: No, but we all do! And the final three will find out what's next... as will our viewing audience.. on the next episode of Total Drama Wrestling!

[Fade out.]
"Just as I discovered the meaning of life, it changed." -- George Carlin
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