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| Show Nine | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: May 11 2010, 09:19 PM (131 Views) | |
| ratrangerm | May 11 2010, 09:19 PM Post #1 |
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Aging veteran
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{Fade in on Randy Grant, who stands at the entrance to the Prison in the Middle of Nowhere. You all ought to know the drill by now.] RG: Last time on Total Drama Wrestling... ...the final four competitors had to take on the challenges of a four corners match, a three way dance and a one on one encounter. Of course, the four corners match was about climbing corners. The three way dance literally involved their best dance moves. And the one on one matchup was shooting hoops. Despite admitting to being colorblind, it was Gabby RioPaah who came out on top of the first challenge. Jack Keening then had his own creative twist on dance moves through the ages to take the second challenge. And while lacking familiarity with basketball, Suzie Machina nonetheless showcased creativity. And that left Keisha Love as the odd woman out... not that I'm saying she really was odd, just a figure of speech. So it comes down to three. Who are the two that win this week? Who is the one that will be eliminated? What is this word about the former competitors returning? And when do I get notified about my Emmy nomination? So many questions... and we've got answers for you tonight on TOTAL... DRAMA... WRESTLING! [And we go right to the cafeteria, where our final three competitors got an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast. Of course, pancakes were all they could eat, so they have to deal with getting a lot of carbs in their diets. And up to the front of the dining hall walks Randy Grant, who holds in his hands two title belts.] RG: Here we are... the final three... and in my hands, I hold two title belts that are each designated as the Total Drama Wrestling National Champion. Or as some might call them, the second-tier title... but only two are in my possession. Today's challenge will determine who get a title belt... and the one who will be eliminated. We are going to have a good old-fashioned steel cage match... but where going to do in what some would call the six sides of steel.. in other words, a six-sided ring. On each side is a door... all you have to do is exit through one of the doors and you move on to the final round. But, as you can probably guess... there is a catch. We have some old faces to get reacquainted with. [And into the room walk the six competitors who were previously eliminated... Ikuto Nagashima, Yano Masoyoshi, Keisha Love, American Freebear, Simon O'Neal and Kevin McCabe.] RG: That's right... the other six contestants are back for today's show... they've been staying at a five-star hotel where they've been pampered to their hearts' content... or as some would say, it was a bribe to keep them from spilling any show secrets to the tabloids. But these six are going to play a special role... as Raymond Elbert requested a day off and got it, we are going to assign these six to be the gatekeepers of the six doors. Each of them holds a key, which they can use to unlock a door at any time to let you out... the only question is, who are you brave enough to approach to let you out? Gotta say that some of you need to think about that karma stuff right about now, don't you? [Chuckles] So... you can head back to your cells to prepare. As for the six of you... come with me. Your massage therapy sessions await you, and believe me, you won't be disappointed. [Exit Randy and the six eliminated contestants... cut to the three remaining contestants, who don't exactly seem pleased by this turn of events. And we then move along to...] [And now, THE TDW BACKDROP AS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THIS VERY SHOW. And now, our hero, the genre-savvy female Samoan with the inexplicable English accent. Muffin-top is in full effect.] GABBY: Wellll... 'ere we go again. Lock the dirty savage in a cage with two other women and watch carnage unfold. I mean, Suzie Machina and I may have formed a power bloc a couple of-- [Someone barely audible interrupts her. She listens.] GABBY: Jackie Keening is a MAN? *Jack* Keening?! Bloody 'eck, why doesn't anyone keep me apprised of these things, eh? Okay, I'm facing a woman and man now. Funny... 'e sure fights like a girl, eh? [Topic change!] GABBY: Anyway... I've decided to be proactive with my escape from the cage, and no more Missus Nice Samoan. I'm not gonna bovver asking to be let out, 'coz you're all racists anyway. No, I've got ways of making you give me your key. Your imperialist, weight-ist, racist, chauvanist ways will prove to be your undoing. [She holds up her hand.] GABBY: And none of you would 'elp me get these bloody brass knucks of me 'and! [TDW banner! Oh, it looks so lonely there. If only there were a human being to keep it company. Oh look, there's Jack Keening! Striding in from stage right, the tattered “Black Sheep” of the legendary Keening family has a look of grim determination on his face. Also he's looking a little droopy from lack of sleep.] JK: There were some calculated risks I took in securing my position here in TDW. I mean, we all took risks, but I think I was probably the only one actually looking at it three-dimensionally. First there was my idea to masquerade as a staffer rather than a participant. That one fell flat on it's face. I guess it's easy to disbelieve a lie when there's a signed paper contradicting it. Not my best work. Then there was the whole “under the radar” thing. I suppose that I could have been weeded out, shucked off by my fellows as being “unworthy” of the prize or some such. BUT ... I took a chance that my not looking like a threat would keep me safe. It worked. Of course there was my crazy act too. That one was, honestly, what allowed me to lead Simon O'Neal on for so long before dropping out his trap door at the gallows pole. Nothing like a good, old-fashioned backstabbing and conspiracy to unite people. Okay, “unite” is too strong a word, but more people followed my lead than not in that back room deal. Oh, can't forget poor Keisha Love. Oh, poor Keisha... Like a daughter to me. Well, more like that one cousin in the family who's distantly related enough so as to be morally ambiguous. You know what I mean... [Pause. Shifty eyes. Jack decides that his hem-hawing around the issue isn't going to get the point across.] JK: You know. Incest. [Beat. Let that sink in. On second thought; don't.] JK: Alas, I am a married man, and four of my ten children need braces, so Keisha, with all respect due a green rookie chick with a hot bod and not much else; that prize is mine! Whiiich brings me to my point... [Inhale, exhale, scratch an itch in the scalp, grit teeth.] JK: How can you jerks do this to me!? Randy, Raymond, you know I've been screwing and playing people from the beginning! You see the tapes they don't! This challenge is designed to specifically weed me out! This is a travesty! A travesty I say! A miscarriage of justice! A conspiracy even, but not the good kind, because this time I'm not behind it. [Grabbing up his, by now signature (ring bell riveted to a chair), foreign object, Jack nods his head slowly.] JK: So who's going to let me out of the cage? Not Simon, as if I'd accept his help anyway. Keisha and I have been on shaky grounds since I ran Simon off. I'm afraid she's thoroughly snowed by that “Mighty Bastard”. Then you have Freebear who, I'm fairly sure, would eat me if I exited his door. A bunch of other people who didn't really make an impression and, I, uhm ... wait... [Lost in thought for a moment, Jack slaps his ring bell one time with a dull ringing sound. Why it looks like maybe he had an epiphany!] JK: But moving on... Maybe I should say a few words about my opponents. Suzie Machina. I'm not underestimating you. Why, I'm not estimating you at all! I'll call you Keisha 2.0. As I'm sure you know Keisha is eliminated from competition and, well, if I may make a small prediction; I'm gonna go ahead and say that you're next. You think you're sneaky ... I wrote the book on sneaky! I'm a Keening that breaks rules! Nobody sees that coming! Nobody! And what the *BLEEP* is up with Gabby Riopaah? I'm sorry, but if that, that, that THING is a woman then I'm a garden gnome! I've only seen one head bigger and harder than hizzers and it was attached to a 400 pound Guido from New Jersey! He uses it to open coconuts and wall safes! That crazy Easter Island wannabe is like Rocky Dennis from Mask! Don't get that dated reference, folks? Go to IMDB.com. Go ahead. I'll wait. [You don't actually have to look that up; especially if you're easily disturbed or offended. Jack waits anyway though.] JK: I know, right? That's Gabby without the unibrow and the boobs, if you can call 'em that. Aaand I think my time is up. If you'll excuse me, I need to find someone. Insert catchphrase here or something. [Cut!] [Suzie Machina is sitting in front of the familiar TDW backdrop, looking just a bit anxious, although she's doing her best to conceal that. By this point her hair dye has lmost worn off, and is reduced to a few pink streaks in a brown mass.] SM: So it looks like it's true what they say: your bad deeds come back to haunt you. Or at least, manipulative reality TV producers make it so that they do. It's quite the kicker, being trapped in a cage with your only chance of freedom in the hands of the six people you screwed over to get there. My only consolation is that Jack and Gabby are facing the same predicament. Well, I guess Gabby didn't do too much betraying, but she probably ate all their leftovers and that'll also get people mad. This is tough for me, because I'm probably going to have to act like I give a damn about any of these people. I might have to bow and scrape for forgiveness. But hey, I break-danced on the last episode, and like I said then: I can't really be more humiliated by this show. Of course, I could always just beat the crap out of everyone so they can't leave the cage no matter how many doors are open. [She shrugs, seeming to actively consider it.] SM: One thing is sure: I'm going to do whatever it takes to win. Because if you're not ready to do that, then what the heck are you here for? [We then cut to Raymond Elbert... evidently, he didn't get the day off, because he's in some kind of control room.] RE: You thought I was gone for the day? Well, guess what... I lied! You see, I'm wise to the ways of how these wrestlers act... they are always plotting and planning something secret backstage. So, for you Total Drama Wrestling viewers, I made sure to have some cameras rolling just in case... and sure enough, I've got a juicy plot point for you! So... roll the clip and give us the dirt! [Cut to a hallway in the prison. Kevin McCabe is shown walking down the hallway. From stage right (if you always go right you can never go wrong ... or left) comes the raggedy shape of Jack Keening.] JK: Kevin. Hey, buddy! Fancy meeting you here! KM: Funny how things work out isn't it Jack. Who would of thought you would still be here and I would be eliminated. Thanks for supporting our alliance. JK: Hey, if it weren't for me, you would've been eliminated a week earlier. Simon was poisoning people against you. KM: What's your point, Jack? JK: Why the hostility? C'mon buddy, we're in this together, right? You know what's happening next show, right? Hey, you hold the door open and I'll give you a tidy sum in return. KM: How much is a "tidy" sum? JK: Oh, well, I was thinking about 10% of the total? KM: That sum is bullshit. I am sure I could get a better deal from one of the other two competitors. JK: Huh? Hey, buddy, I had your back, don't you think maybe you owe me something? KM: Yeah I deserve the whole prize Jack. If I wasn't for me you would of been eliminated a long time ago also. Remember when you won King of the Mountain it was I who took Simon out. And if you really want to get technically ever single week I was the man going head to head with Simon. JK: Ppbt! If I were drinking a soda you'd be covered in it right now, spit take, man! You're crazy! KM: Jack you can either take it or leave it. You better get ready you have a match to prepare for. [ Kevin walks away and accidentally bumps into Keening on his way past him. ] JK: Ahhh crap... [No more can be revealed... because now we cut to the six-sided ring inside the steel cage. All three wrestlers have already entered, all six guards are at their posts.] RG: And so we have our victims... [Snickers] RG: Correction... our competitors locked up inside and our gatekeepers ready to determine their fates. So... good luck to the three of you... and you might want to try begging for mercy. SIX SIDES OF STEEL... AND SIX STANDING GUARD The early goings saw Machina and RioPaah doing battle with each other, while Keening opted to lay low and keep his distance... Machina going for the legs often, while RioPaah just unleashing that Samoan violence, aided greatly by the brass knuckles stuck to her hand. After a few minutes, though, the two got tired of Keening staying out of the way and began to double team him. Keening managed to escape with well timed low blows and other tactics that are uncharacteristic of the Boy Scouts that populate his family. But RioPaah's violent temper soon got the better of Keening, until Machina managed to clip the Samoan's legs from under her, then spend time working them over. Machina was the first to approach a door, trying to bribe Yano with a free trip to a buffet... but Yano just shrugged his shoulders. Evidently, he was on a diet... or maybe he just preferred to be bribed with a shiny object. Machina found herself taken down by RioPaah, who then went after Ikuto, reaching for his sunglasses and threatening to break them. Ikuto backed off, though, insisting she perform a runway walk, which only drew a strange expression from RioPaah. RG: Always interesting to know just what it's gonna take to bribe somebody... for me, my pleasures are simple... money and lots of it. Jack Keening first tried to convince McCabe to let him out, but McCabe made it clear he wanted Keening's winnings. Keening then moved on to, of all people, Simon O'Neal, who then handed him a check for $1,329,063, insisting on Jack's signature. Considering that amount even exceeded the grand prize, Jack wasn't up for it... and anyway, the check got mangled when RioPaah took out her frustrations on Keening. Machina tried to convince American Freebear to let her out, but Freebear didn't seem willing to comply. In fact, he didn't seem willing to comply with anybody... even RioPaah, whom he had once formed a unique bond with. Or perhaps Freebear preferred to see his opponents beat each other senseless. So carnage continued in the ring, with nobody having made a move to let anybody out of the cage yet. RioPaah got the upper hand, but when she tried to approach Keisha Love, she insisted on half the winnings, and before RioPaah could agree to anything, Machina nailed her from behind. Machina tried to talk to Love, but Love wasn't interested. RG: As I was saying... cold, hard cash is what can be the dealbreaker. Jack Keening tried to bribe McCabe again, offering a quarter of his winnings, but McCabe still refused to comply. While Jack was throwing every tactic he could think of at his opponents, it was clear he was becoming more desperate. Meanwhile, Machina was able to take control again, then approaching O'Neal, who offered her a check to sign... one for $500. But before Machina could accept, RioPaah crushed her with an avalance against the steel cage, after which she turned to O'Neal. The Mighty Bastard spent a lot of time putting a check together... as he did this, both Machina and Keening took the fight to RioPaah, even teaming up briefly, before of course they turned on each other. RioPaah then unleashed a fury on both of her opponents, finally getting back to O'Neal, who then handed her a check... for $2.99. Looking at the check and nodding, O'Neal then used his key to unlock the door, allowing RioPaah to exit. RG: And we have one down... but I gotta say, I expect Simon to demand a bigger bribe. SO: I made a profit, and I lived up to my end of the bargain, unlike that Keening. Did I mention his rancid BO and bad hygiene issues, not to mention that he likes to sing and dance like Britney Spears at random times? He's a _very_ strange person. RG: Well, still... $2.99 profit isn't what I thought you'd aim for. And with it down to Machina and Keening, it was Machina who gained the upper hand more often than not. But Love wasn't talking, Freebear remained content to watch the carnage, Yano was distracted by the shiny key he held in his hand, and you can only guess what McCabe would think. That left Ikuto, and when he insisted Machina showcase her runway walk. Machina shrugged and gave it her best shot, but she was interrupted by Keening, who somehow had gotten his hands on a pair of brass knuckles. Where he got them was a mystery, as RioPaah's were still stuck to her hand. But thanks to our helpful cameras, we get a shot from "moments earlier" in which Kevin McCabe was shown slipping some knucks through the steel bars. Having knocked Machina out cold, Keening scrambled over toward McCabe, proclaiming to him that he would give half his winnings to McCabe. A satisfied smile formed on McCabe's face, and that was when he unlocked the door and dragged Keening out, just moments before a revived Machina could get her hands on him. RG: And we have our other winner! Jack Keening... I don't know how he does it, but he does it! [He turns to the cage, where Machina looks disappointed.] RG: Suzie Machina... so close and yet so far. But them's the breaks... you are out. [He then hands over the National title belts to RioPaah and Keening.] RG: And it's down to two... Gabby RioPaah and Jack Keening! Who saw this one coming... the Samoan and the black sheep of the family! I don't know if they go together, but they win the TDW National titles and get to compete for the World title! Who will win it? And what do these seven competitors who didn't make it to the final two, have to say about the whole thing? Well, you will find out... as we will have our final episode of Total Drama Wrestling! [Fade out... and back to Raymond we go. Still in that control room.] RE: Kevin McCabe... you are one sneaky mofo. I like that. [Fade out for good now.] |
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7:24 PM Jul 10