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PORTSMOUTH PERFECT!
Topic Started: Apr 26 2010, 09:18 PM (341 Views)
Picky
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Now let us retreat wench, for tonight, we feast on snobbery...
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(on screen a generic blue screen with gold letters that spell WPSH)

Generic Broadcaster Voice: Thank you for tuning into Portsmouth Community Access Station WPSH, dedicated to bringing you the best in local progamming. Today we have another installment of PORTSMOUTH PERFECT!, a show dedicated to showing you the more cultural and refined activities of this great city. This weeks episode is hosted by local wrestler Twinkletoes Tiwilliger.

(Cut to a shot outside a busy street. The camera is shaking and we can hear wind brushing against the mic. In front of the camera we see Twinkeltoes Tiwilliger standing in front of the restaurant "Chez Pierre et Armond's". Twinkletoes is wearing a cheap brown suit ready to tear at the seams as it is two sizes too small at the least. Next to the portly man with questionable fashion sense stands a man with black hair and matching moustache with handlebars. This man is wearing a red maitred jacket set off by black dress pants. Next to him is a man dressed in a chefs uniform complete with the tall chefs hat. Twinkletoes has a wired microphone in his hand.)

Twinkletoes: Hello Twinkies, its me Twinkletoes Tiwilliger, the most favorite wrestler IN HUGE, and soon to be the most favorite of the world. When i'm not in the ring dazzling the fans with my breathtaking display of gravity defying wrestling moves, i'm signing autographs in the crowds someone of my stature naturally attracts. But when i'm not doing either of those things, i'm going through my rigourous training regimen, which involves both exercise and healthy eating. Today i'm here to show you what a world class athlete like me puts on his training table. Today i'm with the men who serve as ny dieterrearerer umm diieterererryryr, umm these are two guys who feed me the right stuff. Please meet Pierre and Armond owners of Cheese Pierre Eats Armond here in Portsmouth.

Pierre: Thank you Monsieur Twinkletoes and thank you for that..... wonderful introduction of our restaurant. Armond et Moi have been running this restaurant in this great city since 2007 when we came to America. We have been happy to serve up the fine people of Portsmouth a taste of french cuisine, and we have been honored to serve you especially Twinkletoes, haven't we Armond?

Armond: Je déteste ce gros porc, quand il vient au restaurant je dois passer des heures dans la cuisine sans interruption. Si vous ne le surcoût pour toute la merde que nous mettons sur son assiette je verrouiller les portes quand je le vois venir!

Translation*: I hate this fat pig, when he comes to the restaurant i have to spend hours in the kitchen without a break. If you didn't overcharge him for all the crap we put on his plate i would lock the doors when i see him coming!

Pierre: Ummm Armond's english is not so good so I will translate. Armond says he is please to serve local celebrities like you Monsieur Tiwilliger. (Pierre darts a dirty look at Armond.)

Armond: Je peux parler anglais parfaitement Je viens de refuser de le faire. Parler l'anglais conduit à un retard mental. Si vous ne me croyez pas regarder tous les buffoons inculte dans les rues de ce trou à rats. Surtout ce bâtard gras à côté de vous. (points to Twinkletoes)


Translation: I can speak English perfectly i just refuse to do so. Speaking English leads to mental retardation. If you don't believe me look at all the uncultured buffoons(points to Twinkletoes) walking the streets of this rat hole. Especially this fat bastard next to you.

Pierre: Armond taisez-vous, c'est la publicité gratuite! (Glares at Armond). Armond says he has struggled many years to speak english, but is trying hard everyday to learn.

Twinkletoes: Well don't worry Armond, one day you'll speak good American like your hero, Twinkletoes. Until then keep serving up that nice frenchy food. For those of you who don't know Pierre and Armond used to have a restaurant in Paris, that's in Germany. They cook some of the best food around, food that i need to fill my skinny frame. Because they cook good food I ignore the fact they're turd tappers.

Pierre (looking red faced): Umm yes, Armond et moi we are a couple. We were married in France and one day we hope to be married here in your great country. Until then our restaurant and our love will sustain us.


Armond: L'amour ce qu'est l'amour? Nous ne faisons que travailler dans ce restaurant fous servir ces idiots incultes. Je pourrais mettre la nourriture pour chiens dans leur assiette et qu'ils ne connaissent pas la différence! Il n'y a pas d'amour entre nous plus! Je vous demande de Pierre à quand remonte la dernière fois que vous uriné sur moi?

Translation: Love what love? All we do is work in this damn restaurant serving these uncultured idiots. I could put dogfood on thier plate and they wouldn't know the difference! There is no love between us any more! I ask you Pierre when was the last time you urinated on me?


Pierre: (swallowing the lump in his throat and trying to keep his composure): Armond agrees with me, he says our love for one another is unmatched and undying.

Twinkletoes: Well that's wonderful, I think. So now that we've told the folks about this here place the time has come to show them what they can here in your restaurant'. Lets go inside and eat i'm starving.

Pierre: Certainly I'm sure Armond has cooked us many dishes that represent the finest in french dining.

Armond: J'aurais bien mais quand je suis arrivé cet après-midi, j'ai trouvé un homme masqué dans ma cuisine. Il prenait une merde dans ma marmite tout en buvant notre vin de la maison. Il avait un strapon noir dans son autre main et me demandait si j'avais des uppers. Il est passé à plat ventre sur mon placard de la cuisine en ce moment.

Translation: Well I would have but when i came in this afternoon i found a masked man in my kitchen. He was taking a crap in my soup pot while drinking our house wine. He had a black strap on in his other hand and was asking me if i had any uppers. He is passed out face down on my kitchen cupboard right now.

Pierre: (trying to hide his look of shock): Armond says the oven is not working but will be working later this evening.

Twinkletoes: Ah crap i was looking forward to this, i haven't eaten in nearly a 1/2 hour. I'll have to go to Burger Barons after this. But before we go is there anything you two would like to say?

Armond: Depuis que j'ai 13 ans, les trois choses les plus importantes dans ma vie ont été de cuisson, porter culotte noire et avoir des relations sexuelles avec Pierre dans les lieux publics. Je pensais que Pierre m'a aimé, mais il aime cette maudite restaurant plus! Pierre je veux que tu me prouver que tu m'aimes plus de ce restaurant ou je vais donner à ce gros homme du sexe oral! (points to Twinkletoes)

translation: Since i was 13 years old, the three most important things in my life have been cooking, wearing black panties and having sex with Pierre in public places. I used to think Pierre loved me, but he loves this damned restaurant more! Pierre i want you to prove to me you love me more than this restaurant or I will give this fat man oral sex!

Pierre(fighting back tears): Armond says he hopes to see you all tonight in our restaurant.(sniff) We offer fine dining and service with a smile. (Pierre turns to Armond and the two start bickering wildly in french)

Twinkletoes: Well Twinkies, if you likes the frenchy stuff, come on down to Cheesy Pierre eats Armond, tell them Twinkletoes sent ya. This concludes today's Portsmouth Perfect.

(fade to black)
Have I told you how much I loathe your continued existence today?

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Mozeart
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Sheik-ee, Sheik-ee, give me your answer do...
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Okay, HUGELive~! is now at the top of my priority list. Who's still with me?
And it was at this moment that the entire world realized, in unison, that tandem bicycles were AWESOME~!
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Picky
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Now let us retreat wench, for tonight, we feast on snobbery...
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I know I'm in and I believe Bruffy is in.
Have I told you how much I loathe your continued existence today?

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CalebFoley
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Master Shake
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So am I ...
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Mozeart,Jun 10 2010
12:24 PM
Okay, HUGELive~! is now at the top of my priority list. Who's still with me?

What is HUGE?
Dark Soul in PVW
Tre Jordan in HUGE
The guy with a restraining order from Elisha Cuthbert
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