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| Evergreen States Grand Prix Presents; Blazing Trails weekly show, part 1 | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Sep 8 2010, 08:45 AM (231 Views) | |
| Picky | Sep 8 2010, 08:45 AM Post #1 |
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Now let us retreat wench, for tonight, we feast on snobbery...
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Emerald States Grand Prix Presents: "Blazing Trails - Bi-Centennial Super Bash!" Live from the Owens Hall in Portland, Oregon July 3th, 1976 Your host: "The Voice of the Cascades" Francis Barrister Francis begins by the program by discussing the Bi-Centennial card being held today with every title on the line. In addition to #1 contenders tag team match up there is supposed to be a few new wrestlers joining the Grand Prix tonight. The big matches are the three title defenses: Tyrus "KING" Cobb takes on Jimmy "Big Bang" Ballywack, the South Pacific Tidal Waves defend against the Cold Warriors and Carmen Olathe faces "Longhorn" Jack Shaw for the prize of the Pacific Northwest - the ESGP Northwestern States Heavyweight Championship! Match One: Couch Street Company (Tracy Atticus & Herman North) v. Sonny Blankenship & The Mountain Man Atticus & North are two wiry, greasy wrestlers who play the street punk preliminary curtain jerker team while Blankenship is just getting started as a clean cut, former University of Oregon track & field star. The Mountain Man is a 6'6" near 400 pound hillbilly from the Ozarks. Sonny starts off and quickly gets out of hand for Blankenship as he is tricked into a test of strength and takes a kick to the gut. Blankenship gets his eyes raked and is quickly at the mercy of the CSC. Atticus and North tag in and out for a time before Blankenship manages to slip through the legs of North and gets the tag to the big Mountain Man. Double M unhooks one of his overall suspenders to show he means business and headbutts North out fo the ring. Atticus rushes in and tries a high cross body but is caught by the Mountain Man and is about to be tossed over MM's head when, from out of the back, come two men in black, red and yellow masks come in and pull Blankenship down and start beating on him, causing the referee to disqualify the CSC. Mountain Man drops Atticus to the canvas while one masked man decides beating Blankenship to a bloody pulp is only a warm up for throwing a woozy North into the ringpost, leaving a bloodstain on the blue painted metal. The big hillbilly gets out of the ring and begins to get into it with the masked man who was stomping on Blankenship. Atticus sneaks up on the big overall wearing tough and clips his knee. As a reward, Atticus is punched in the face, laid out on the ground. The two men are done with their dirty work while Barrister is at a loss to explain what has happened. Francis does note that it says on his program notes that a new team is supposed to be coming into the ESGP but that Commissioner Barker is not going to like this if this is the new team. Winner: Blankenship & the Mountain Man (DQ @ 10:44) Interview: Barrister is still surprised as Jimmy "Big Bang" Ballywack comes over to the interview platform. Ballywack is hyped up about his upcoming match with KING Cobb. Barrister: King Cobb has held the Cascade Mountains championship for over a year... Ballywack: (Big Bang strokes his long, white goatee) Lemme stop ya there, Franky. Ya see, the "Big Bang" ain't interestede in what y'all flim flam outta that jabber hole. The shakies, right here (kisses his fists) they gonna bring me that ole plate and dinner. I'm gonna take that ole ham steak Cobb likes to chomp on an' I'm gonna slap him 'round dat ring there... WAHOOOOOOOOOOO! Ballywack spins around three times, Barrister: You sure seem confi... Ballywack: WAHOOOOOOOO! Daddy, you just wait and see; gonna fry a damn egg on dat fat butt of Cobb's! WAHOOOOOOOO! Match Two: Dr. Osreich Klein v. David Hancock Klein, the evil Austrian doctor, is now bald with a blond goatee and wearing black trucks with a sneer while Hancock is wearing blue long trunks. Osreich holds his hands up and indicates that Hancock is not worth his time. Hancock bullrushes Klein but the doctor sidesteps and slaps Hancock on the back of the head. Klein repeats this two more times before slapping on his "Head Vise" double handed pressure claws to the sides of Hancock's head. Hancock passes out and Klein is the victor. Winner: Dr. Osreich Klein (Head Vise double claw @ 5:13) Interview: Pre-recorded comments from Dr. Osreich Klein Klein: (accented English) While growing up in Vienna, I would look out and wonder what sort of world we lived in. Well, in coming to America, I learned just exactly what kind of world it is: a sloppy world. These hands of mine, they have gone from curing to harming - removing the disease from this world. Herr Bathwaite, you have claimed to represent culture and class. What do I think about your boasts? (spits on the ground) I think nothing of you or your claims. It is time for this good doctor to remove a useless apendage like you from the body of wrestling. You are a part of the disease and for this sport to live, you must be cut! Commericals for the Rage Across the Cascades tour in the fall along with an advertisment for the October Barrows Corral Invitational Tournament. An advertisment for some sort of rope by a man named Stone also plays as well as for something known as Gov't Mule. "The Voice of the Cascades" talks about the Rage Across the Cascades featuring the return of Burt "Convoy" Murdoch from the mid-west and Northwestern States Heavyweight champion Carmen Olathe and his chances for winning the Barrows Invitational. Match Three: El Magnifico v. The Seattle Super Sonic Fresh from his appearance at the Nor'Western Tag Tournament, El Magnifico is doing a tour of the Northwest. His opponent is a man in a green and gold body suit with a picture of a jet on the front. The Super Sonic is a fan favorite and the two men shake hands in the center of the ring. El Magnifico puts on a clinic, twisting and tossing the Super Sonic all over the ring. The Sonic begins to use his speed to wear down El Magnifico but gets caught trying to duck under a lariat and gets walloped by a very effective drop kick. THe Magnificent One applies his world famous camel clutch and the SSS submits. Winner: El Magnifico (Camel Clutch @ 9 minutes) Interview: Just as El Magnifico is about to talk to to Francis Barrister, out comes another masked man. El Magnifico's eyes go wide as saucers as it is the #1 contender to the Associacion National de Lucha Libre heavyweight championship: The Green Ghost. Barrister is beside himself. El Magnifico starts speaking in Spanish and the Green Ghost just laughs and flexes. Barrister translates that El Magnifico is demanding to know why El Fantasma Verde would not only dirty the rings in Mexico but also bring his mugroso style to los Estados Unidos. The Ghost laughs again and walks away. Another commerical, this one hyping up the fact KING Cobb has held the Cascade Mountains title for over a year. Will Ballywack take the gold away from the KING or will it be longtime rival: "Little Wind" Ben Takesgun? Maybe Adrian Bathwaite will rip the title from Cobb's meaty fingers. An advertisment extolling the inside information of Noel Platter's Illustrated Wrestling Weekly as your #1 wrestling insider news source. "The Voice of the Cascades" greets us once again. The next match is a #1 Northwestern Tag Team championship contenders match between The Fast Boys (Bill Wahlbach & Jake Tanner) and... holy crap, Navy Jack and the Bowery Kid! The Brits have landed in ESGP! The former Commonwealth tag title holders say that Chet Featheronwind's nagging hip injury is forcing Chet on the sidelines and that Joseph Takesgun himself called the two Brits to come in and take it to The South Pacific Tidal Waves. First thing's first as The Bowery Kid, in his newsboy hat and street clothes, says they have to take out the rubbish. Match Four: Navy Jack & The Bowery Kid vs. The Fast Boys (Bill Whalbach & Jack Tanner) The smaller Bowery Kid and bigger Jake Tanner start the match off. While Tanner is bigger, the Kid has much more fire in his belly and takes Tanner to task with a simple arsenal of punches and kicks. The Kid, his newsboy hat still on his head, begins to headbutt Tanner, forcing the larger man to tag out. Whalbach tries to get the upperhand but the Kid keeps his momentum, forcing the better wrestler of the Fast Boys to leave the ring. Bowery begins to chace Whalbach but gets caught with a kick to the gut. Whalbach begins to work the Bowery Kid's legs, focusing on the right leg. Tagging out to Tanner shifts the focus to Tanner tossing the Bowery Kid around the ring. Hobbled, the Kid still tries to fight but it is obvious he is running out of gas. Navy Jack starts stomping and trying to pump up the crowd as the new legal man, Whalbach, has on a figure four. It is almost lights out for the Kid. His right arm falls once... then twice. As his arm is about to fall for the third time, the Kid makes a fist and keeps his arm up. In obvious pain but not willing to give up, the Kid tries to reverse the figure four. Rolling back and forth, much to the consternation of Whalbach, Bowery almost has it but Fast Billy releases the hold and tries to drag TBK to the Fast Corner. Bower anticipated this and delivers a sneaky drop toe hold. The Bowery Kid tries to tag in Navy Jack. The Jack is leaning as far forward as possible while holding the tag rope. TBK tries to stand but his right leg gives out and he crawls toward his corner while Fast Billy cries about his nose and hustles on his knee to tag in Big Jacky. The Kid is about to make a lunge forward when Big Jack grabs that right leg. Bowery yelps in pain but keeps pulling forward. Jack is about to drop an elbow onto the right knee when Bowery manages to pull his right leg free and roll through to tag in the hot Navy Jack. The anchor tattoo on the right forearm of Navy Jack is a blur as he just slaps the crap out of Big Jack Tanner. A few smarting headbutts and a mule kick send Jack into a corner while Fast Billy rushes in to help his buddy. Fast Billy is unceremoniously kicked in the gut then bulldogged, leaving Billy to slide out of the ring. Navy Jack is almost hit from behind by a now brave Jack, but the warning screamed out by TBK gives NJ enough time to sidestep and deliver a side leg sweep. Jack tags TBK who goes up top and delivers a legdrop off the top rope (Crushing the Bowery) for the 1-2-3. Winners: Navy Jack & the Bowery Kid (top rope legdrop @ 13:26) Barrister is shown at the interview area when the National Anthem of the Soviet Union comes over the public address system. The Cold Warriors ("Mr. America" Alexsandr Olenskaya & "Soviet Superstar" Sammy Calhoun) along with Tyrus "KING" Cobb and "Big Time" Teddy Johnstone surround the "Voice of the Cascades". Johnstone has his famous 9 iron in his hands and takes a few practice swings, making Barrister move back out of fear of being hit by a swing. Barrister: Johnstone! What are you and your pals doing here? Johnstone: Ease up Francis, don't want you flopping down here dead and raising the insurance premiums. You, the voice of the Grand Prix, babbling on about what's going on in the ESGP, know nothing. You see, me and the boys, we found some backing. The Warriors, KING Cobb and me, we were made an offer that would be stupid to refuse. You see, it is all about money and who we're working for now, they got lots of the green thing that makes the world go 'round. Franky, you and me, we were pals once. Then, then you started getting on about how I became greedy. Well, look at this fine suit (Johnstone is wearing a pink and green golf outfit). Do you think I could afford this if I were still playing by the rules. Barrister: You make me sick. Cobb cracks his knuckles behind Barrister. Johnstone: Your loss, Franky. The KING has a few words for "Big Dumb Stupidstack". Cobb: (sneers at the camera) You lil' ants, you see the only mountain from Iowa and laugh but when I put down your punk lil' injun friends, you weren't laughing. When I broke the back of Freddie Frick you weren't laughing. When I smeared that one cream puff from Canada, you didn't laugh. Well, tonight I'm gonna pop Jimmy Stupid like a zit but I'm gonna be laughing! HAR HAR HAR COBB IS KING! The "Voice of the Cascades"'s eyes narrow. Johnstone: Sammy, Mr. America, anything to add? "Mr. America" and Sammy Calhoun step up to the mic. Loud U-S-A chants begin. "Mr. America": Americanskis weak, islanders strong but not as strong as bear from Mother Russia. We take belts, we break you, we take all for Soviet Union! People begin to yell traitor and sell out, remembering when "Sunshine" Sammy Calhoun showed up during a mystery tag team partner for Olenskaya, betraying his other partner Billy "Wild Dog" Savage just over a year ago. Calhoun: Baby, Sammy didn't sell out. No, no, no. Sammy bought in on the ground floor. We gonna go in there and mess up them coconut loving Tidal Waves; gonna push'em over and watch their fat butts stay on the mat. Oooooooh, baby! It's on! Johnstone: C'mon boys, we got business to attend to. Johnstone snaps his fingers and the motley crew laugh as they leave. Barrister: Strong words from a bunch of thugs... but who is their mystery benefactor? Advertisments for Mrs. Chuck's K-9 Crunchies, keeping Oregon weird and for a record store with the latest album from Australia: Grief - Live at the Pub. |
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Have I told you how much I loathe your continued existence today? Proud member of the Quote Pyramid Builders Union Local #317 | |
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7:23 PM Jul 10