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| [UWF/MBC] House of Throwdowns - July 22nd.2010 | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Sep 29 2010, 02:35 PM (269 Views) | |
| MBCKyle | Sep 29 2010, 02:35 PM Post #1 |
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The Soda Dog Refreshment Squad
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[Cut to the waiting room of...a veterinarian's office? A young woman is cuddling a fluffy-haired ferret waiting for her turn quietly while over to the corner is a not-happy-to-be-there bald man holding a cat carrier while the two indignant Russian Blues inside meer their dislike of him, the cat carrier and this entire situation to the waiting room in general. Looking out of place, however, would be the couple not in possession of any sort of pet, Namely, "Nighthawk" Michael Bonn and Virginia St. Ursula. Ginny looks concerned while Bonn looks more annoyed.] BONN: ...just saying, if he had kept that stupid bird on a leash or in a coop like he should have done-- VSU: Michael, can you show a little sympathy, please? You KNOW how much Ryu cares for Trice. He's practically in shock! He couldn't even tell me how it happened! BONN: Fine. [sighing] I just think he's a little TOO attached to the rooster. Still... [Michael shakes his head, a small crack of concern finally peeking out of the tough guy exterior] ...he asked us to be here and we're here. VSU: Thank you. BONN: So, if the bird doesn't pull through, do we go with regular or extra-crispy? VSU: MICHAEL! [Thankfully, before that discussion goes any further, the receptionist makes an appearance at the front desk.] Receptionist: Mr. Bonn, Ms. St. Ursula, you can go in the back now. [The camera follows Bonn and Ginny following the receptionist to one of the treatment rooms. There, we find a grief-stricken "Hentai" Ryu Osawa. And on the countertop, surrounded by a large towel, is a set of tail feathers and a beak sticking out of a full body cast.] Trice: [muffled] ...baaaaaawwwwk...! VSU: [gasping] Ohhh! [She turns to Ryu] Ryu, what happened?! Ryu: It was...it was Elliot! VSU: Wait..._Tommy_ Elliot?! He did this?! BONN: C'mon, I don't think Elliot would have done this on purp-- [Ryu suddenly thrusts his fists in the air and howls with a primal rage that would do William Shatner proud.] Ryu: TOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!! [In reaction, Ryu's howl gets various agitated dogs and cats barking and meowing in response. There may have even been one sheep in there too, but I'd rather not investigate that. Ginny hugs Ryu.] VSU: Ryu, Ryu, it's gonna be OK! We're gonna get to the bottom of this, I swear! [She shoots Bonn a look that says she won't be argued with] Won't we, Michael? BONN: [weakly, but trying to be supportive] Yeah, it's all good. We'll take care of this and Trice will pull through. I promise. Just stay cool, OK? VSU: C'mon, Ryu, let's you and I go for a walk. We'll get some air and you can tell me exactly what happened. Michael, you're staying with Trice. BONN: But--! [Ginny shoots Michael another dark look before ushering Ryu out. After they're gone, Michael gives a very loud and frustrated sigh.] BONN: ...this is not gonna be good... Trice: [muffled] ...baaaaaawwwwk... BONN: [rolling his eyes and rubbing his temples] Don't even start, bird. Just don't... =============================================================== From that cold opening, we hear Moe and Dave promise that they'll show what happened to Trice later in the broadcast Comments from last week’s SNR first: o The UWF and MBC are tied 1-1 in their ‘World Series’ with Jonas Elm upsetting Serge Annis. I don’t think Elm was given 100-1 odds of winning, despite his size. Makes me wonder if Annis is finally losing a step? o The Chromosones are the #1 tag team contenders after winning a triple threat match. o Trey DaMann defeated Scott Daniels in a non-title match- then was ‘convinced’ to sign a contract with the UWF. Honestly, one of the few universal sins in the locker room is to back out of matches, so I can understand why DaMann had no friends to help him here o And finally.. look, what happened with Elyson was an accident. I wasn’t _trying_ to injure her. Really. It's just that wrestling’s a tough business, and these things happen. People get hurt. I mean, there's a couple of people I wouldn't mind seeing with a broken leg... or that I wouldn't mind breaking their legs... but Kathryn? That was just, you know, one of those things. I hope she gets better. Really. Honestly. OK- This week’s HoT is from Cincinnati, Ohio, home of Pete Rose, Five-Way Chili, and Robert Mapplethorpe photos. We fade in to see... Oh boy ========================================================== [The lights over the ring dim, and the spotlights turn to the stage beneath the MegaTron, where a small pink, girly, Miss-America style set has been constructed. Out strolls Slush in a purple tuxedo and platform shoes, accompanied by an austere woman, both of them holding Price is Right magic wand microphones. That woman is no stranger; she's known as Chastity Davenport, head of Mothers Opposing Pornography.] CD: Hello, everyone, I am Chastity Davenport, host of the Miss Morality Pageant! Slush: And I am Slush, co-hosting because I can't turn down supplemental income. CD: Soon, thanks to our sponsors, Mothers Opposing Pornography, we will crown our new Miss Morality 2010, live on Rampage Bloody Rampage!! Isn't that great, Slush? Slush: By then, I'll be back behind the announce table, one thousand dollars richer! In my book, that's great, Chastity. Especially my check book. CD: Over the past few days, from hundreds of lovely ladies, we've whittled down the field to find out final three participants! Slush: I slipped my digits to the losers to see if some are amoral enough to call me... Can't understand why my phone hasn't vibrated yet... some of 'em were gingers... CD: Ah... but now, we are down to the final three, Slush. Slush: Just in time for the Swimsuit Interview competition. CD: And our first finalist to be put to the question is... the flawlessly dazzling "Viking Vixen"... Eveline Eriksen! Slush: Joygasm! [A phenomenal vision of sensual splendor lithely emerges onto the pageant stage. As always, Eveline Eriksen is simply a spectacular blend of beauty and strength. However, she's not wearing a skimpy bikini, or a thong, or dental floss, no... Surprisingly, nearly every inch of the Nordic Narcissist's skin is covered by a stark white, curve-hugging wetsuit so tight it had to be sown straight on her body... A man's brain would tell him it's a wetsuit, but his loins would argue that it's an angel's S&M latex gear, lewd and naughty and hot as all [MEEP!]... Most startling of all... she wears stiletto heeled swimming fins on her feet, yet still sashays down to the microphone stand with a sexy swing to her hips. Fans have little choice but to applaud this extraordinary feat, most of them so fascinated they don't bother inquiring about the usefulness of high-heeled flippers.] CD: This, I must say, is how any proper woman should dress for the beach! EE: I know. CD: Eveline Eriksen... here is your Swimsuit Interview question: How would you put a definitive end to prostitution? EE: Eugenics, Chastity. You see, prostitution, like deceit, promiscuity and all other vices caused by lack of morals, is a direct cause of the recessive Swedish Gene. Every prostitute in the world is afflicted with the Swedish Gene. The victims usually don't even know about their distant Swedish ancestry as most families hide this fact out of shame... but there you have it, Chastity. Dirty whores like Summer Blake have the filthy Swedish Gene. The only hope left for humanity is found in the science of genetics. One day, we can only pray that we can will isolate and eliminate the Swedish Gene from all human DNA. Thank you. [Some people in the crowd politely clap... everyone else is either too appalled or too busy drooling to clap.] CD: Excellent answer, Eveline! Isn't science fun, Slush? Slush: Um... Science... yes... [The Miss Morality pageant co-hosts encourage applause as Eveline struts off the stage, then turn back to the camera.] Slush: Eugenics, Chastity. It certainly gives some hope to gingers like Amy Marshall. Maybe there will be a cure, one day. CD: We can only pray, Slush. Our next finalist...is Queen Holly Hotbody’s Lady in Waiting...Georgia Church! [Georgia steps from behind the curtain in fitting, blue tankini and blue go-go boots. Her brown hair falls down her back, bangs above her eyes. The swimsuit, while conservatively cut, still clings to her form like a second skin. She does a twirl, gaining some catcalls, before making her way towards the microphone.] CD: Isn’t she classy, Sam? Georgia, we ask you the same question. [Georgia grins, leaning closer to the microphone.] GC: It’s really very simple. We round all of the prostitutes up, put them on a boat and send them sailing to Holivia. [pauses] Excuse me. I meant BO-livia. I passed Summer Blake in the hall earlier and I guess she was still on my mind. [There is light, sporadic clapping as Chastity beams and Georgia gives a bow before leaving the area.] CD: Yes, I can see that working. Slush: Hmm... Maybe I should consider that timeshare condo offer in Bolivia... CD: And our final contestant... coming all the way from Japan... Ayako Fujiwara! [From behind the curtains, a somewhat bewildered and uncertain-looking Ayako steps onto the stage. Miyuki Ozaki's prized student is dressed in what looks to be a standard Japanese high school issued, one-piece navy blue swimsuit. The swimsuit has a skirt-like flap covering the majority of Ayako's waist and hipline. Although not particularly exposing, Ayako has unwittingly managed to perfectly capture the hearts and minds of otakus and perverts worldwide.] CD: A little nervous, dear? [Ayako places a hand to her forehead and shakes her head in disbelief, answering in Japanese.] Ayako: (I still can't believe Miyuki made me do this...) [Chastity, not fluent in anything but intolerance, merely nods her head up and down.] CD: It's okay dear, your swimsuit's not that offensive! [Ayako shoots Chastity a dirty look.] CD: But anyhow, Ayako...I'll pose the same question to you: "How would you put a definitive end to prostitution?" [Ayako stares at Chastity like she's some sort of idiot, before sighing...and giving her answer.] Ayako: (The problem of prostitution will _not_ disappear - not because it's the "oldest profession," but because too many people make a living from prostitution and are unable and unwilling to permit it to disappear.) [A slight frown.] Ayako: (You can't solve a complex social problem like this by passing laws against it. Banning prostitution _outright_ has proven historically, to be a failure in regards to protecting women's rights. Most women do not _choose_ to become prostitutes. It's often a decision based on economic need and made out of desperation. As long as women turn to or are forced into prostitution out of desperation, these problems will persist. What needs to be done is to think about the underlying problems that cause women to enter prostitution and try to find ways to solve _those_ problems rather than making criminals out of the women that are being exploited.) [Ayako shakes her head sadly.] Ayako: (But a definitive end? It's impossible.) [As Ayako's answer is translated by an interpreter, the shock on Chastity's face is evident. However, something strange happens in the audience. Maybe it's because it's the only non-moronic answer made all night, but you hear it. Applause. Looking a bit embarrassed by the attention she's receiving, Ayako quickly bows before exiting, leaving an unhappy-looking Chastity Davenport on stage.] Slush: Wow. That was... the end of this competition! CD: Indeed. It was a short competition, but a hard one. Slush: I can think of something else that's short and hard right about now, Chastity. Ooop! My phone's vibrating! Incoming call, I gotta take this. Could be one of the losers... [Slush reaches in his purple velour flares and takes out a cell phone.] Slush: Hello? Slush speaking... Voice on phone: MEEP! Slush: Tinkle? How did you get my number? CD: Tune in to the next Rampage Bloody Rampage for the next MOP Sponsored Miss Morality 2010 competition; the exciting Evening Gown-Talent Competition! See you there, everyone, and stay prude, America! ["Applause" signs blink next to the stage, and some of the fans reflexively obey as the image fades out.] ============================================= *sigh* OK, onto a couple of promos that matter: ========================================================== [We cut to outside the arena, where we find Tamara "Tommy" Jackson tinkering with her pickup truck... looks like she might be changing the oil, given that she's got some black spots on her overalls and that white T-shirt underneath. As she fiddles with the engine, she looks up, noticing the camera.] TJ: Gotta say that since my induction into the Insanity Society, I've found out quickly just how crazy these guys can really be... some say you gotta be a little crazy to make it in this world, but Randall Osbourne and Tommy Elliott give new meaning to that word. [A grin.] TJ: Still, Randall thought enough of me to suggest I be a member, so I'm gonna stay loyal to them. People who are willing to give me that shot deserve my loyalty and respect. [A pause as Tommy's face grows serious.] TJ: And then there are those people who are deserving of a butt whipping from me. Like Kiora Donovan. Kiora, as good as you are at scrapping, you showed yourself to have no honor, what with you attacking me during my match with Gaia Brasher... and it's not the loss that bothers me as much as the fact that you got involved in my business. I respect Gaia and understand you aren't always going to win... but you acting like a sore loser is something I won't stand for. [Beat.] TJ: Yeah, I remember confronting you in DSW... all you had to do was go about your business and there wouldn't have been a problem. Instead, you took a shot at me, and when you do that, I'm gonna respond. And then you took your next shot at me last House of Throwdowns, and as you saw on Rampage Bloody Rampage, I was gonna respond to that too. You can talk all you want about how you come back to beat somebody the second time around... the fact is, I'm not some gal who walks what she thinks of as the straight and narrow path. If you want to throw the gloves down and get it on, I've got no problem with that... and whenever you strike against me, I strike back... and I always think of myself as striking back harder. [She then looks at her left hand, shaking her fingers a bit.] TJ: And I've got more than one way to strike back harder. Meanwhile, I get to deal with your protege, Johanna Suprema. I'm sure she's quite proud of herself for winning that joint lightweight belt... but now she gets to face me. And considerin that she is your protege, I can think of no better way to send a message to you than by doing it through your protege. Johanna better take all the notes she can from you, because she's going to need all the notes she can get. [Her eyes narrow.] TJ: Because once it's time to get to scrapping, I'll be striking hard. And if you want to get involved, I'll stirke even harder. That's just how I am. [Fade out.] ========================================================== [We fade into the Donavon Gym, which looks pretty much the same way it did last time we were here, basically it's your stereotypical neighborhood gym which probably taught boxing before Kiora's father bought it. At any rate there is currently a wrestling ring set up and in that ring Johanna Suprema is grappling with a dreadlocked woman in a gi who appears to be trying for an arm triangle hold but can't quite get past Johanna's guard, Johanna herself is pummelling the dreadlocked woman with forearms whenever she can find an opening. Cheering her on at ringside are Kiora Donavon's twin brothers, Liam and Cormac, and several members of Kiora's fan club from Styx Wyoming. Several of the fan club members wear t-shirts that have "I JOBBED TO JOHANNA" printed on them, where as the twins have blue t-shirts with "I LOVE JOHANNA SUPREMA" written on them in red. Kiora herself looks on with a smile.] Kiora: Fiona Cassidy was not the first person Johanna defended her title against, nor will she be the last. Since she won the title nearly eight dozen people have challenged her for it and lost. It did not matter if they were wrestlers, martial artists or bar room thugs, if they were under the weight limit Johanna defended the belt against them. Time and time again, she's proven unbeatable. [As Kiora says that, the dreadlocked woman appears to slip past Johanna's guard to apply the arm triangle with a shout of triumph. It's quickly revealed to be a ruse on Johanna's part as the triumphant shout gives Johanna an opening to apply the Claw of Doom. Caught by surprise, the dreadlocked woman is soon rolled onto her back as the crowd joyously pounds the mat in appreciation of Johanna's victory. Mere moments later Johanna's opponent passes out and Johanna gets to her feet and raises her arms in victory. Accepting the cheers of the people at ringside for a few moments Johanna proceeds to leave the ring and walk over to Kiora, catching a tossed towel as she does so. The match was clearly a rough one since Johanna has a couple of noticeable bruises and is dripping with seat.] Johanna: Tommy Jackson, you may have caught Kiora by surprise once but you're not going to do the same to me. [Kiora's right eye twitches a bit at the mention of her loss to Tommy Jackson but otherwise she seems to approve of Johanna's confident attitude. Johanna doesn't seem to notice the twitch and keeps on speaking as she towels herself off.] Johanna: You won't be catching me with any lucky punches at House of Throwdowns, Jackson. I'm not going to let myself be distracted, I will be focused one hundred percent on advancing to the next round of the Empress Cup over your battered and bruised body and showing why sticking your nose in Hand of Doom business was the biggest mistake you've ever made. [Kiora grins wickedly at this point as the assembled Styx teenagers applaud wildly and basically act like groupies backstage at a rock concert. The one called Becky can be heard loudly professing her love for Kiora Donavon, which Kiora chooses not to acknowledge just now though Johanna does give the girl a weird look at least until Kiora's brothers loudly profess their love for her. Then she too pretends she doesn't hear them.] Kiora: You've gotten a victory over me Tommy, you should've been satisfied with that. Had you simply defeated me and left it at that I might've left you alone once I got my revenge but you had to go and interfere in Hand of Doom business, and so you've made things a little more personal between the two of us. [As you can imagine, Kiora doesn't look even slightly upset about that. Indeed, her attitude seems disturbingly closer to that of a child on Christmas morning anticipating what sort of presents she'll be getting.] Kiora: Of course our second encounter was never going to be pretty by any stretch of the imagination, since I fully intended to maim you a little in order to make a point to our colleague's in the UWF. A little ultraviolence to remind everybody that Kiora was not a woman to be [MEEP]ed with but now, I'm going to have to take greater measures. You see, now that you've interfered with Hand of Doom business you're going to have to be made an example of. Your caree will be terminated, so that other people won't be so foolish as to think they could stand against the Hand of Doom and survive. Johanna's victory is merely going to be the first step. It will only get worse from there. [With that said, Kiora sends Johanna to the showers as we fade to black.] ========================================================== Empress Cup Match: Tommy Jackson vs. Johanna Suprema. Jackson’s more experienced- but if she’s too worried about Kiora, Suprema might catch a win. And Sure enough, Kiora is in the corner and distracts Jackson long enough for Johanna to plant a forearm in the back of her skull to start the match. Johanna drives a series of European Uppercuts to take control fo the early match, but Tommy sidesteps a Yakuza kick, then headbutts Suprema to turn the tide. Tommy follows up with a swinging neckbreaker. Kiora keeps hopping up on the apron and dropping down to distract Tommy, and it works as Johanna rolls out of the ring. Tommy follows her, Johanna runs around, then greets Tommy with a stiff kick as Tommy re-enters the ring. A Russian Legsweep/Powerbomb combination leads to a two count, and Johanna signals for The Claw of Doom. Before she can apply it, Tommy fires off a left hook then sends Johanna crashing to the mat. Tommy then hits a series of suplexes and signals for the Tommy-Kaze. As she attempts to apply it, Kiora grabs Tommy's leg. The referee orders Kiora to the locker room, and Johanna slips on a small package for a 1... 2... Tommy reverses it for a 1... 2... 3!!! Winner: In 4:13, Tamara "Tommy" Jackson Good match. Johanna is improving, but Tommy's experience helped her get the win there. Commercials... I still miss Billy Mays, dammit. Back from commercials to see a couple of promos by the competitors for the next match: ===================================================== [We cut to backstage where we find MBC's own Amazing Grace seated in front of an easel. She's enjoying one of her favorite pasttimes, painting. Grace, who wears a smock over a white shirt and blue jeans, looks quite content as she spends time dipping her brush into the palette in her hand, then making strokes on the canvas on the easel. But upon noticing the camera, she sighs.] AG: That time, huh? Very well. [She then sets the palette and brush on a nearby table.] AG: Where to begin... Holly Hotbody, I knew you were going to show up, but I didn't figure you'd bring that big buffoon you call a bodyguard with you. But as we all saw, he's got problems of his own to deal with, so you'd be well advised to leave him out of our issues... issues that are between you, me and Jan Delgado. [Beat.] AG: But iteems to me you are getting quite nervous... and rightly so. But it's not me you should be worried about, honestly... it's Jan Delgado. See, I've had plenty of time to work with her and I can tell you she's only going to get better... not just because she's getting better as a wrestler, but she's going to be better prepared when it comes to handling the likes of you. Now, I'm not too proud of my past, but where it does come handy is that I know what to expect from people like you. I think... no, check that, I know... that you will find how just how far Jan has come the next time the two of you meet. [A nod.] AG: Now, as far as Kiora Donovan is concerned... you certainly talk a big game but you just can't stray far from your allies, can you? Well, as you found out, I'm one of those who will gladly push back when provoked. I may want to make amends for past deeds, but that doesn't mean I back down that easily. That being said, you've got problems of your own with Tamara Jackson... that will be for you to deal with down the road... but if you cross paths with me again, don't expect the company you keep to bail you out again. [Beat.] AG: Meanwhile, I have to concern myself with my next match in the Empress Cup... and Felicity Malone is no stranger to me. In some ways, we are alike... both of us have to atone for some of the company we once kept, although I will say that Felicity was straight up with people more often than I was. That being said, I respect Felicity for her decision to part ways with the Hand of Doom and stand by her sister Rose. Family is certainly something that has to come first... and her willingness to come back to stand by Kyle Lee, knowing full well it could earn her the wrath of those she once considered allies is something I can respect. But that being said, Felicity, I've got some ground to make up in the Empress Cup... it's not personal, just the fact I have to prove myself after getting a result against Kiora that I wasn't aiming for. I expect no less from you as well... I'm sure you want to win this as much as I do. [A brief pause.] AG: I do hope, though, that even if we might never be friends, we can at least come out with respect for each other. And who knows... considering the enemies we've made, we may very well be willing to stand with each other down the road. But regadless, I'm going to be straight up with you... I plan to win tonight. [Fade out.] ===================================================== [Camera cut to Billy "Scud" Mackenzie, holding a microphone and looking nervously at the camera while he stands in front of a door marked "MALONE SISTERS."] Camera Man: Dude, you have to knock SOMEtime. Scud: Um.. yeah. [Scud knocks on the door. A voice responds, sharply, from behind it.] Felicity: WHAT? Scud: Uh, Ms. Malone? It's Billy Mackenzie, I was wondering if we might have a word before your tournament match tonight? [Silence, long enough to think she's not going to respond... and Scud, visibly relieved, looks ready to leave... when she responds.] Felicity: Yeah, come in. But make it quick. [Scud steels himself and opens the door. The camera man follows after him. We see the two Malone sisters, in something like their pre-match trance: Rose is sitting on the bench, eyes closed, legs folded together in the yoga position, hands resting on her knees with palms up. As she's not wrestling tonight, she's dressed simply in an Assassination City Roller Derby t-shirt and jeans, with her long hair tied back in a ponytail. Felicity is a different story. Her pre-match routine is to pace the small locker room like a caged tiger, and so she is, dressed in blue and black wrestling tights and fingerless gloves. Rose is the picture of serenity. Felicity looks like a volcano preparing to erupt.] Scud: Uh, I just came to see if you had anything to say about your tournament match. We hadn't heard anything from you, and you-- Felicity: [cutting him off] Yeah, I know how it works. [She stops pacing and crosses her arms, staring daggers at Scud. She's not angry at him, she's just generally tense. In moments, her foot starts tapping impatiently.] Felicity: Fine. I'll make it quick. [Felicity turns her attention to the camera and walks right up to it -- uncomfortably close, in fact. Her sapphire blue eyes -- usually quite pretty -- are now several shades darker than usual.] Felicity: I'm going to go out there and I'm going to dismantle Amazing Grace. Nothing about her suggests she's anything special, so it shouldn't be an issue. I'm going to tear her down. I'm going to tear down whoever I face after that, and whoever I face after that. Scud: [obscured by Felicity's proximity to the camera] Well you sound pretty confident-- Felicity: Yeah, I am. I have to be. There are already too many women dragging the MBC down into mediocrity, and these... refugees... from the UWF are just making it worse. [Rose tsks Felicity. The camera man takes the opportunity to step away from Felicity a bit and refocus on Rose.] Rose: Let's not go overboard. I'll be partnering with one of those UWF "refugees" next week against Hotbody and Amber Rogers. Felicity: The Blake woman? [Rose opens her eyes and smiles a bit, despite Felicity's tone.] Rose: Yes, her. I think you'd get along with her, actually.. if you took the time. [Felicity grunts but doesn't argue. She resumes her pacing.] Felicity: My point stands. There's too many of them and they've taken our damn titles. Rose: [still serene, still smiling.. eyes shutting again] That's neither here nor there. You have Amazing Grace to deal with in the immediate future. Felicity: So I do... and I will. I'll tell you something, Grace. [Felicity stops pacing again, though she keeps her distance from Scud and the camera both. Scud seems grateful.] Felicity: Rose will be there with me, but only to make sure none of the crap that happened with your last match happens again. I won't need her help to take you out. Really, you had a hard enough time with Kiora Donovan -- and I think we're all well aware that she's just the poor man's me. [Rose directs her voice to Scud, and her smile has become a grin.] Rose: She's just like this before matches. Really, she's very nice most of the time. Felicity: Rose! Rose: Regardless... maybe you ought to get out while the getting's good? Scud: Good idea. [Scud and the camera man retreat out of the locker room as the camera fades out.] ============================= Empress Cup Match: Felicity Malone against Amazing Grace. Malone is a brawle, while Grace is a technical wrestler, so this should be a clash of styles. Felicity just pummels away at Grace , driving a series of forearms right at Grace’s heads as She lies on the mat. Felicity is one of the more vicious wrestlers- male or female- in the MBC, and her forearms were leaving Grace’s back and arms red with welts. Grace is able to scissor Malone’s arm and take her over onto the mat, then slap on a scissors armlock. Malone reaches the ropes for the break, and as Grace releases, Malone delivers a throat shot, the hits a DDT on Grace for a two count before Grace brings a foot under the rope. Malone hits a shoulder breaker, then hops up to deliver an axe handle from the top rope. Grace ducks out of the way and rolls up Malone, but Felicity kicks out at two. Grace ducks a clothesline by Felicity and grabs her in a German Suplex for a two count. As Grace goes for a second Suplex, Felicity spins around, rolls her up, grabs the top rope.. and gets a two count. Felicity pounds the mat in frustration and drives a knee in Grace’s head, then picks her up and goes for a powerbomb.. that Grace reverses into a hurricanrana rollup for a three count. WINNER: At 6:51, Amazing Grace. After the match, Felicity and Rose argue a little before heading up to the locker room, and Grace celebrates in the ring, and we go to another interview... ==================================================== [She's in a black leotard, blonde, short and slight. With her thin black mask, she looks like a lithe cat burglar. Yes, the sweet, kind hearted one looks like a elegant thief while the one that looks like a superhero turned out to be the worst thing to hit the UWF since Marshall Law. Moe, looking like his usual self, doesn't seem to be noticing any irony in that at all.] MO: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm standing by with Sylhouette. Syl: Moe, there's no other way to put it: I'm still in complete shock. MO: One could say there were some unexpected turn of events last month when Nikki revealed herself as the on responsible for your kidnapping. Syl: My mind is blown, sir. Nikki the Cat. Nicolette la minette! MO: I can't say I saw it coming either. It just looked like it could only be the handiwork of Corvette and her manager, Brad Collins. Syl: That's what I thought, but clearly I didn't have all the facts... or something. I had it all wrong and... do feel bad about it. Had to go apologize to Alli- Corvette. MO: How is she dealing with the injury woes? Syl: She'll be alright, in the end. Just have to take the time to heal up, and that never happens fast enough. As you can imagine, she's not too happy about being nearly bedridden. She's forced to do things painfully slowly, Moe... [She shakes her head.] Syl: And to think this is my fault. But I'll make it right, Moe, I will! MO: Your fault? I thought this whole mess was Nikki's doing? Syl: It's my fault for not seeing it coming. I admit it, it got to a point where I convinced myself the culprit could only be Corvette... but even if I had removed the blinders, Nikki wasn't on my list of possible suspects. She simply wasn't on there. MO: Who was? Syl: Well, now that we know who plotted my kidnapping, there's no need to point fingers and needlessly ruffle some feathers, but... I never dreamed it could be Nikki. I mean... the whole scheme required a minimum of brains, didn't it? MO: I imagine it did. Syl: Finding out who my father is, and contacting him... planning this frame job on Corvette... Meanwhile, Nikki... here, look at this. [Sylhouette takes a few steps to the side, then points out to a handcrafted sign taped on the wall. There's a drawing of a ring, a big bold arrow, and a caption reading "that way, Nikki."] Syl: I just assumed the wrestler who needs those signs pasted in every arena we visit so she doesn't Spinal Tap her way to the ring... I just assumed she couldn't possibly be able to devise such an elaborate scheme. MO: Well... having a bad sense of direction doesn't mean you're stupid... Syl: That's true. But I've seen the old Keystone Empire Wrestling, Moe. She had velcro wrestling boots, back then. I'm pretty sure it was because she didn't know how to tie a knot. MO: Well... I can't cover up for that one. Syl: The Nikki _we_ know is dumber than creationism. The driveway doesn't quite reach the road, Moe. There's too much chlorine in her gene pool is what I'm saying. That's the Nikki you and I know. Mean, crude, vulgar... mais vraiment stupide. MO: I don't think you'd have a hard time finding people who agree with that assessment, Sylhouette. Syl: Ah, but she also became Donna Tetreault's Protégé. That took everyone by surprise at the time, but when you think about it... do you ever remember Donna Tetreault making a dumb decision? MO: Um... Syl: Self-serving, treacherous decisions, she took a lot of those... but plain stupid choices? I can't think of any... except for making Nikki her Protégé. MO: It was a controversial pick, that's well documented. Syl: But then again, maybe Donna saw something the rest of us never did. After all, Nikki does seem to get a lot of things go her way... accidentally. Winning the Protégé looked like a mistake, blindsiding Donna felt ill-timed, beating Scottie Saratoga appeared to be blind luck... even injuring Corvette seemed like an accident. [A beat.] Syl: But I saw the look in Nikki's eye when it happened, Moe. I was there. MO: You're saying it was no accident? Syl: Nikki whines and complains, but things always go her way, somehow, don't they? No one's that lucky, Moe. You have to make your own luck to have that much of it. So could it be that Nikki's been pulling the wool over our eyes? MO: I don't know. Syl: Could it be that Nikki has taken "playing dumb" to a whole new level? MO: Again, I don't know. Syl: To be frank, me neither. But I believe I'm owed a few answers, and so is Corvette. And I'll get those answers a lot sooner than later, c'est une promesse. [She gives an emphatic and determined nod, playfully punches Moe on the arm and walks off screen.] MO: Back to you, guys! ============================================= Commercials.. looking forward to the next season of ‘Top Gear’. And then.. Oh boy.. Look, when I saw the schedule, I wasn’t very happy. I’m not a tag team wrestler. I don’t WANT to be a tag team wrestler. And I’ve heard stories about people thrown together for a tag team ‘for one time only’- and then they can’t shake the ‘tag team’ label. No thanks.. So I wasn’t happy about the schedule, but I’m going to make sure it’s a one-time thing. In the meantime.. [The video feed fades in to see... streamers. Lots of streamers, in pink and white and baby blue and green and silver and gold and... all hanging down from the ceiling in front of a door. From behind the streamers, the door opens outward, and the sun blares through the tiny holes. The streamers are so numerous that it's impossible to tell who is opening the door. There's a pause, and a loud sigh from the figure behind the streamers, and then the streamers start getting pushed aside, finally revealing...] SS: Oh, you have _got_ to be kidding. [Scottie Saratoga, House of Throwdowns Recapper, is dressed in her workout suit, complete with fingerless gloves, and is carrying a duffel bag. She gets the last five streamers out of her hair and looks around the large room she just entered. A large "WELCOME SCOTTIE~! <3" banner hanging from the ceiling is the first sight that greets her, before our recapper realizes the room is filled with flower stands written in both English and Japanese expressing congratulations. In the background, we can see various pieces of training equipment, a wrestling ring..and did we mention the contingent of Japanese girls? Yes. Almost immediately, Scottie is set upon by a now semi-familiar group of Japanese girls, who bombard her with gifts. A bouquet of roses, candy, a sash, a scepter, a tiara somehow makes its way atop her head...by the time they're done, it would appear Holly Hotbody isn't the only royalty in the UWF/MBC. Still stunned by the display, Scottie's had her photo taken several times and a cloud of confetti's been tossed into the air before she can sputter a confused response.] SS: Hey! I... Domo Argiato, also.... I think.... [blinks as the flash from a camera blinds her].... No really, I thought Miyuki and I... [The tiara gets skewed, and Scottie tries to remove it from her head.] This isn't necess.... [Ignoring Scottie's protests, the girls gather into a row and bow to her with a more formal greeting.] "OHAYO GOZAIMASU!" [(Translation: "Good morning!") Just then, the camera cuts to a shot of Miyuki Ozaki, standing inside the wrestling ring. She waves excitedly with both hands, before grabbing onto the top rope and leaping over, onto the floor. Miyuki's dressed in a flowery-patterned, chiffon sundress, blue jeans and she's barefoot. Her bleach-blonde hair is worn down, cascading across her shoulders and face, pinned to the side with a butterfly hairclip. She makes a dash towards Scottie, who drops most of the items in her hands in anticipation of defending against one of Miyuki's infamous hugs, but instead, Miyuki stops short and gives an all-too American head nod towards our beloved recapper.] Miyuki: Yo. [...] Miyuki: 'Sup? [Oh Miyuki, you so gangsta'.] SS: Yo back. [Looks around] This isn't necessary. Really. We're just teaming up for one match... [Miyuki drops her head and begins to giggle softly.] Miyuki: Oh, you so funny Scottie-tan! We will be a wonderful team! SS: I'm sure... [The tiara gets askew, and this time Scottie is able to pull it off her forehead.] Did you get the tape of the matches with Rage and Browne on them? They've been... [Scottie realizes that she's still holding the scepter, and tries to find a table to set it down on. Not seeing one, she lays it on the floor.] They've been part of the same group for a while, and we're going to have to work together to overcome their teamwo... [Suddenly, a tshirt is tossed into Scottie's direction. She unfolds it and frowns.] SS: Oh jeez... Miyuki: I made tshirts! [Scottie holds up the shirt, which consists of anime-style, super deformed caricatures of Miyuki and Scottie, each smiling and giving us a big thumbs up.] Miyuki: But yes, yes...tag team is no problem! Know all about teamwork! Miyuki-chan was in the greatest tag team ever in Japan with her BFF Kyoko! We win many, many titles! Made record albums! In movies! Was on cover of many magazines! Just like you and me will be! ["Just like you and me will be"? Scottie's eyes open wide at that proclamation.] SS: Yeah, about that. I...-woah. [Miyuki points to a large, award-filled trophy case. Looking at all that shiny hardware, Scottie seems almost impressed. Well...until one thing in there catches her attention and a slight look of longing appears on her face: The trophy awarded to the winner of the 2010 Angels & Amazons Rumble.] Miyuki: See? Trophy from 2010 and Scottie has trophy from 2009! A matching set! We already a perfect team! SS[Gritting her teeth]: I...didn't win in 2009. I finished second. Miyuki: Oh. Close enough! [Shaking her head] Well...we sisters now! We share everything! But there's still so much work to be done. SS: Yeah, exactly. Browne and Rage... [Our Japanese beauty queen begins to count them off.] Miyuki: We need team name... SS: No, that's not... Miyuki: ...and music! You like the Lady Gaga? SS: I got nothing against her. As long as we're not using Justin Bieber...no! Wait! That's beside the point... Miyuki: ...and matching outfits!!! [Scottie is horrified. Matching outfits? Oh heck no. Time to nip this in the bud.] SS: Look, Miyuki... outfits and music and team names are all cute and wonderful and stuff, but we need to get to the basics. You're a good wrestler, but tag teams involve working together. Rage and Browne- they've been partners before, and know how to work together. We're in trouble if we don't take this seriously. And now that I have a little momentum, I don't want to lose it when I know we're capable of beating them. [She grabs Miyuki by the shoulders.] SS: We just need to focus on the match and work as a team! [With that, Scottie takes a deep breath. Did that reach Miyuki? Does she understand now? The room is silent for a second, before...] Miyuki: Oh Scottie, I didn't understand how much our team meant to you! SS: Wait... what? No... Miyuki: Not even Kyoko-chan was ever this passionate about winning! Now I know we _will_ be champions! Browne and Rage have no chance! We going to destroy those bitches! [Miyuki thrusts an arm into the air and gives an enthusiastic shout.] Miyuki: YOSH! [In the background, the girls repeat the chant.] "YOSH!!!" [Miyuki turns to her entourage, barking out instructions in Japanese.] Miyuki: (Girls! Me and your new big sis Scottie have made a blood pact to dominate the tag team division! In preparation for our debut, we're going to fight all of you at once in a battle to the death! The ones who survive will live to see the dawning of a glorious new age!) [Pause.] Miyuki: (Weapons and inappropriate groping will be permitted!) [An abnormally loud cheer.] SS: Wait...what did you just tell them? Miyuki: Oh, I just instructing them about our training...no big deal. SS: Oh. Good! At least you're taking this more seriously now. [Oh Scottie, you have no idea.] Miyuki: But before we begin... [She turns to Scottie with a big smile.] Miyuki: GROUP HUG! [Before Scottie can even react, Miyuki's enveloped her in her arms in a soul-crushing bearhug. Soon, she's embraced at all sides as Miyuki's girls join in. A more perverted mind would probably think seven young, hot, hardbodied females embracing like this is the hottest thing ever. Well...yeah, it is. But for Scottie... ...there's just a look of horror. What the hell just happened?] SS: Eep! [Fade to black.] ========================================================== .. .. I ran this video through a translator to find out what Miyuki was saying. Three thoughts: o 1- This explains why Miyuki’s students were trying to kill me. I swear one of them almost broke my nose o 2- I really need to learn Japanese. o 3- I’m going to kill Miyuki Dalbello Rage and Sierra Browne against Miyuki Ozaki and Scottie Saratoga. Rage and Browne jumped us before the bell, but Miyuki delivered a superkick to Browne and I hit a German suplex on Rage to drive them from the ring. It finally settled down, with Miyuki flying around the ring against Rage. Rage likes to keep things on the mat while Miyuki is a high-flyer, and Miyuki was keeping Rage off her game with a hit and run plan. Browne reversed the tide by raking Miyuki’s face. The referee missed their double team, but caught me trying to even the odds. Rage got a two count on Miyuki after a DDT, but missed on an elbowdrop, and Miyuki tagged me in. Miyuki and I hit a nice dropkick- Russian legsweep combination. I planted Rage with a spinebuster, then got distracted by Sierra and.. Look, I know the referees have a hard job, but really- Browne and Rage did four fake tags, and the referee never saw any of them. But Miyuki leaves her corner once and he becomes Inspector Javert. Rage held me back and Browne clotheslined me, almost getting a pin. Browne then whipped me into the ropes, and Miyuki tagged me on the back. You know, I can see it on the tape, but at the time, I didn’t notice the tag. Browne went for a backdrop, and I managed to stop and lift her into a piledriver. Her head hit the mat and I covered.. only the referee told me that I wasn’t the legal man. Rage charged in and I grabbed her in an abdominal stretch while Miyuki leapt off with a top-rope elbowdrop and stole the pinfall 1.. 2.. 3!!! Winner: In 7:13, Miyuki Ozaki and Scottie Saratoga. It’s a good win. Miyuki and I still need to work on teamwork.. if we were to team again. Which we’re not. I’m not a tag team wrestler. |
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Everything I learned about soccer, I learned from Dro. You are to refer to Katie as "The Duchess of Der Basterdmusen" as of June 2014. She'll get angry if you don't. You've been warned. | |
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| MBCKyle | Sep 29 2010, 02:36 PM Post #2 |
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The Soda Dog Refreshment Squad
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Tumaffi vs. "Big Nasty Bastard" Mike Reznor. Tumaffi is slow coming into the ring- even by his standards- and Reznor attacks from Behind, driving a forearm into the back of his head. Reznor impressively bodyslams Tumaffi and delivers a legdrop for a two count before Tumaffi recovers, reversing an Irish Whip into an Avalanche Splash in the corner, then headbutting Reznor several times. Tumaffi locks in a front facelock, and it’s obvious Tumaffi is hurting from his previous injuries. Reznor fights back with a series of elbow shots, then throws him out of the ring. Reznor and Tumaffi fight outside the ring, until Tumaffi picks up Reznor and drops him throat-first on the steel guardrail. Tumaffi rolls Reznor back into the ring but misses a legdrop. Reznor locks in a chokehold and attempts a chokeslam on the massive Tumaffi, but Tumaffi picks up Reznor and delivers a Hot Shot, then follows up with a Somoan Drop for a three count. WINNER: In 4:31, Tumaffi. Tumaffi did not look good here- the wars with ANnis have worn him down. If he had this many problems with Reznor, how is he going to be able to handle Annis? A rundown of Rampage Bloody Rampage, then a video showcasing the main event, and then some interviews: [Cut to a corridor backstage of the US Bank Arena, where we find Orin "The Lynx" LeBlanc, dressed in his charcoal grey tights and black boots sitting on a steel chair. The Canadian grappler appears to be looking for some solitary time. However, another man enters the scene. Namely, one Johnny Axis.] JA: Okay meatsack, it's coming down to crunch time and I haven't heard word one outta you! We got Alex Martinez, my number one bile-laden tower of hate and Rick Marley! Rick *BLEEPING* Marley; probably the best wrestler in the business never to have held a world title! We _need_ to be on the same page! [The Lynx arches an eyebrow at the interruption. Then rises from the chair, glaring at little.] OL: Funny that. See, I was always told that communicatin' was a two-way street. An' I ain't heard one word out o' _you_ on that front neither. So, with that in mind... [LeBlanc cracks his neck with a sharp pop.] ...start pickin' a page. [Instantly exasperated, Johnny puts a hand to his forehead, massaging his temples. A rumbling sigh escapes him, he drops his hands, puts both fists on his hips and sneers.] JA: Here we go again. It just never fails. Yet another UWF wrestler who has a problem with Johnny Axis. Look, I knew what I was getting into the second this match fell into my lap, but I thought that maybe, JUST MAYBE, if I took the time to reach out to you maybe we could actually work together instead of being adversaries. [Pause.] JA: So what now? [Orin's other eyebrow arches. For a change, this isn't a reaction of cynicism. More in confusion than anything else.] OL: Who the hell said anything about adversaries? Way I figured things, you were gunnin' for Martinez an' to hell with anyone else in the ring -- me included. An' that's your own business if that's what you want. But -- BUT! [LeBlanc sighs, muttering the next under his breath] 'an I can't believe I'm sayin' this 'cause I hate these damn tag matches an' I'm always gettin' stuck in 'em it seems. [He looks over at Axis.] I got no beef with you, Axis. I don't want any beef with you. An' I damn well don't want to lose to Martinez an' Marley! So let's be square an' talk strategy here. [Stopping and standing very still, Johnny searches Orin's face for some sign of deception or treachery. Finding none, he shakes his head, trying to lose his attitude (and succeeding as much as you might expect that Johnny Axis can).] JA: Okay, so, to be clear ... you don't automatically hate "The" Johnny Axis? The guy called "a walking riot" by Amy Marshall on the last UWF "Rampage Bloody Rampage" doesn't get your goat? [A slow, patient, shake of the head from Orin indicates assent. Johnny starts looking around for a folding chair.] JA: That's ... amazing. Do you even have a goat? [Johnny waits for a laugh as he sits "informally" on his steel folding chair.] OL: I'm saddled with a cesspool for a younger sister. Does she count? [LeBlanc folds his arms across his chest as a dry chuckle escapes him. Johnny returns the laugh, shrugging and grinning as his tension releases.] OL: Been in too many o' these damn tag matches in my career already. Ain't fixin' to be anyone's unnecessary enemy. [He shrugs] The one thing I can give you at least is that I got your back if you want it. An' if that's the game, just be proper an' do the same for me. [Still a little disbelieving, Johnny nods slightly.] JA: Okay, so we have like an hour before the show starts. I have some ideas of how to handle Stretch Armstrong. What do we want to do about Marley? OL: [nodding thoughtfully] Well, I was figurin' with Curtain Jerker... [Fade and cut~!] ============================== [His clothes are wrinkled, and it looks like he's been sleeping in them. His face is unshaven, the black hair on his chin and cheeks thick and flecked with grey, a sign the big man isn't as ageless as his reputation suggests. His eyes are sunken, and his expression is quieter than viewers are used to. Alex Martinez doesn't look quite like himself as he stares sullenly into the camera. Small wonder, considering his prized possession, the television title, is nowhere to be seen.] AM: Tommy Stephens is the UWF television champion. And Alex Martinez isn't. [The slow way he says those sentences make them sound like the most painful phrases in the world.] AM: There haven't been a whole lot of other thoughts in my head since it happened. I keep replayin' it, over and over. My fist goin' for Axis' throat, then suddenly, I'm the one bein' dropped. Next thing I know, three seconds have gone by. And I ain't champ no more. A hundred thoughts have run through my mind since then. Should I demand a rematch? As former champion, its my right. But I'm not askin' for a rematch. Stephens... enjoy the title. Ya beat me, and now, you're carryin' somethin' around your waist that means something. Hell, like I said before, it's the _only_ title that means anythin'. But while you're defendin' that title, while you're makin' money and gettin' cheered, you just remember why ya got that clout. Every day you wear that belt, you just remember that you're standin' on the shoulder of a giant, and that every accomplishment can be traced directly back to me. Hell, right now, your big claim to fame is in beatin' the legendary Alex Martinez. I ain't gonna come lookin' to recollect what I've already won. Because, as it happens, I got more important goals. And I'm not the sorta guy who fails to achieve his goals. [Some of the life seems to be coming back to the Last American Badass. His slack, dull expression seems to tighten as he leans forward, eyes narrowing.] AM: Since that night, I've been doin' a lotta soul searchin'. And I've had to face some hard truths. The sorta things most people don't like thinkin' about. The sorts of things that make lesser men run away. But you all oughta know by now that I'm about as far away from a lesser man as you can get. Truth is, I'm gettin' old. I got a bad left knee, had it for years. Got a back that ain't gettin' any straighter. I've been hit on the head so many times that it makes tryin' to remember how many times it was impossible. I've been doin' this for a long time. And, as much as I hate to admit it, there's more years behind me than there are in front of me. But let's be clear on somethin', "old" don't mean "over." [Martinez smirks.] AM: Let's be clear, this ain't me feelin' sorry for myself. This ain't my plea to be pitied or loved. This is me doin' what I always do, tellin' the truth as I see it. I've got no need for anyone's sympathy. I've accomplished more things than any other wrestler, livin' or dead, and that legacy ain't never gonna be diminished or eclipsed. I am still -the- legend in wrestlin', so don't go cryin' over the Last American Badass. I may be goin' down the other side of the mountain after spendin' so many years at the peak, but I still got stuff I want to accomplish. In fact, I've got exactly three things left to do in my career. Johnny Axis, you're the first. [Martinez reaches into a pocket and pulls out a pair of mirrored sunglasses. Swiping his dark hair out of his face, he puts them on, a sadistic grin coming across his lips.] AM: Johnny Axis, I'm gonna tear ya into bloody little pieces. From here on out, you are my only goal. From this moment until you ain't got a tooth in your head or a bone that's unbroken, you got all my attention. It all starts at House of Throwdowns. I got ya in a tag match. But as far as I'm concerned, this is just you and me goin' at it while two other guys get the pleasure of watchin' me work close up. [Another smirk from Martinez.] AM: Let's be clear on somethin'. This ain't because you "cost" me the television title, though that's part of it. This ain't because you've spent months puttin' your finger in my chest, tryin' to get me to notice ya. This ain't because every time I turn around you're tryin' to stick your nose in things that don't concern you. All that is just a symptom of the larger issue. This is because you don't take me seriously, and that's a mistake I can't let ya make. You think that I'm someone you can make your name off of. You think, Axis, that I'm an old has been with a big name who'll make your name bigger. You think that its time for me to roll over and die and make way for you, some no name jackass with a big mouth. Here's where I bring you back to reality. I'm gonna go horrible things to you Axis. I'm gonna hurt you more than you've ever been hurt before in your life. Usin' nothin' but my fists, I'm gonna pound you into hamburger. You're gonna bleed, and you're gonna beg. And then the fun is really gonna begin. From here on out, my entire life becomes about endin' your career. I'm not gonna be thinkin' about anythin' that doesn't help me figure out new ways to cripple you. When I get my hands on you Axis, I'm gonna take my time. Gonna start with your fingers and work my way up. By the time I'm done, you're gonna look like you were at ground zero at a blood bank bombing. This won't end in the ring. Oh, I'm gonna pin ya. Hell, I'm gonna pin ya in our little tag match. But a pin is just the beginning. From now until the time you smarten up and stop showin' up to UWF shows, your life is about to become a horror show, where every moment follows the script. After I pin ya Axis, then the story has just begun. See, when you're beat, when you're desperately tryin' to suck in enough air to get your body movin' in the direction of safety, I'm gonna get ahold of ya. And I'm gonna drag you to your partner, LeBlanc and invite Marley over too. I'm gonna make sure they get a look at your bloody face and your dead eyes. After they've gotten a look at you, after they've seen the cost of gettin' in my face, I'm gonna pull you outta the ring. And every single fan who bought a ticket is gonna get their money's worth. They're gonna get to see the crippled idiot. They get to see, up close, what a car crash victim looks like, and they won't even have to worry about steppin' over broken glass. But that ain't the end. See, there's lots of people focusin' on things in the UWF that don't involve me. And I can't have that. So I'm gonna drag your sorry carcass back to the locker room. And as blood drains from your body and I crunch your broken teeth beneath my boots, I'm showin' you off to everyone in the locker room. Everyone gets a fresh reminder that Alex Martinez is not to be messed with or taken lightly. You're the trophy and the object lesson Axis. I'd tell ya to enjoy it, but I got serious doubts about your ability to stay conscious through it all. You wanted my attention? Well, you got it. You want your shot at fame and immortality? Well, here it is. Just remember Axis, that to me, you're nothin' but a step. I got three goals, and endin' you is just the first. But damn how I'm gonna enjoy it. [Fade to Black.] LeBlanc and Axis make their way to the ring. Then.. ["When Worlds Collide" by Powerman 5000 heralds "The" Johnny Axis on his weekly sojourn to the ring. Microphone already in hand, Axis is speaking before he's even fully stepped through the ropes.] JA: Hi. [Mixed heat hammers the ring. Johnny cocks an eyebrow, perturbed at the not entirely positive reception he's getting in the U.S. Bank arena.] JA: Glad to hear the Axis-Freaks are out in force, and working hard to drown out and win the hearts and minds of those doubting the Almighty Hype Machine's true badassitude. It's a beautiful thing, and I'm glad to be back in Cincinnati because, as you may or may not know ... I'm an Ohio boy. [His reception warming, Johnny soaks it up, turning around one full circle and flashing the words "Media Whore" that are on the back of his fine silk shirt.] JA: Yes, when they say Johnny Axis is from "The Center of it All", it's all just a beautiful play on words. Like another favored son of this great state, David Allen Coe is known to sing, "I'm an Ohio Boy". [Mentioning country music legend David Allen Coe swings just about everyone in the arena in Johnny's favor and he finally lets his relentless wall of pandering down.] JA: As happy a homecoming as this is, the Axis-Man can't help but be a little disappointed. Maybe it's UWF dragging out our beef, maybe Alex Martinez is dragging his feet, but Alex ... until I get you one-on-one, FINALLY, I'm gonna keep dragging you through the mud! [Glaring at Axis, Alex seems unmoved by Johnny's words.] JA: MARTINEZ! Am I getting through to you, tall guy? Is any of this registering? A-heh. Let me tell you something my friend, this doesn't count, this match doesn't matter! It might be nice for my friend Mister LeBlanc to get one in the win column against someone as talented as the fantastic Mister Marley, but you and me? I will dog you 'til the day I die, Martinez. If you outlive me, I'll haunt your stretched-out, unworthy ass! If I outlive you, you'd better believe that grave of yours is getting desecrated at least once a week. I will relocate my family so that I live next to your *BLEEPING* graveyard just so your HEADSTONE can be my own personal TOILET! MARTINEZ! [NOW the fans are cheering in earnest. They're starting to recognize when he's about to say "MARTINEZ!" by his body language too, and so a dozen or so ringside fans actually yelled too.] JA: The deadline for your reply to my challenge is officially up just as soon as I tie the rickety sticks you call legs into splintering knots. You'd better be ready to answer. You'd better have an answer ... and I better like it. [Breathe in.] JA/Fans: MARTINEZ! [And Johnny laughs out loud.] JA: I'm done, man. I just wanted to yell your stupid name again. Booya, bitchboy... Booya... [Tossing the microphone aside, Axis turns to confer with his partner.] ================================== We go to commercials. Does anyone else want to see the Caveman squash the Gecko? Back from commercials as Marley and Martinez.. well, Martinez and Axis start brawling in the aisle, so here we go Johnny Axis and Orin LeBlanc against Rick Marley and Alex Martinez. Martinez and Axis continue to fight outside, while Marley and LeBlanc stay in the ring. LeBlanc is quick, but Marley is a step quicker, and he starts taking over with a flying forearm off the ropes. A hurricanrana leads to a two count, but Orin reverses an Irish whip into a Spear to take over. Martinez throws Axis into the ring, but Axis bounces off the ropes and dives back out with a leap through the ropes and lariats Martinez. Orin nails a Death Valley Driver on Marley as a second referee comes out to separate Martinez and Axis, but Martinez is able to reverse an Irish whipe and sends Axis crashing into the steel steps. Martinez picks up a chair and moves to bash Axis’ head in, but the second referee attempts to pull it away. Martinez threatens the referee with the chair, who backs away- and Martinez turns just as Axis dropkicks the chair into Martinez’s face. In the ring, LeBlanc goes for a vertical suplex, but Marley twists to land on his feet and hit LeBlanc with the Rewrite Inverted DDT for a two count. Axis hops up to the ring apron and tries to be tagged in, while Marley locks in a figure four leglock. LeBlanc reaches the ropes to get the release, and Martinez grabs Axis’ feet, yanks him off the apron, and bodyslams him onto the concrete floor. Marley tries to hit the Limelight, but LeBlanc shoves Marley into the ropes, and bodydrops him on the rebound.. over the ropes onto Axis and Martinez. All three lie in a heap as LeBlanc heads outside to pick up Marley, but Martinez drives a boot into LeBlanc’s head. Marley gets to his feet and hits Johnny Axis with a Russian Legsweep on the floor. The referee counts slowly, not wanting to hit a double countout. Axis grabs Marley in a headlock and delivers a series of Punches to Marley’s face! Martinez grabs Axis by the back of his head and slams it into the ring apron as the referee reaches 7 and Marley rolls back into the ring, holding his head. Martinez sets up for Belly-to-Belly Suplex on the floor, but LeBlanc drives a knee into Martinez’s back. He rolls back into the ring, but Marley rolls up LeBlanc for 1.. 2.. Reversed! 1.. 2.. Kicked out! Marley gets to his feet first and hits an Enzuigiri, then leaps up for a high-cross bodyblock off the top rope. Marley leaps off.. LeBlanc catches him, and pwoerslams him in one smooth motion for a 1.. 2.. 3!!!! WINNER: in 9:44, Johnny Axis and Orin LeBlanc After the match, a frustrated Marley kicks the rope, then looks at LeBlanc. He starts to offer his hand.. thinks about it.. steps forward.. And Axis and Martinez bring their brawl into the ring, as both referees now concentrate on separating them. Security prevents LeBlanc and Marley from interfering while the fight goes back outside the ring and starts up the aisle. Martinez starts blatantly choking out Axis, who delivers a low blow to Martinez’s groin to stop the choke. ======================================== [Finally, UWF's security force manage to separate Axis and Martinez. Rabid, snarling, Johnny kicks and thrashes while shouting at Martinez.] JA: What's it gonna be, Martinez!? Huh!? One night in the spotlight or a lifetime of celebrity stalker!? Martinez! AM: You want me to make you the world's most famous cripple? All right Axis... you got it! You and me, one on one. Hell, just to show that I'm a nice guy, you pick the time and place of your execution! [Grinning, Axis relaxes, allowing himself to be led to the back.] And, as promised, we end the show with an explanation for Trice's injuries... =============================================================== -------EARLIER TODAY------- [The scene cuts to the interior of a helicopter, yes, a helicopter. The hum and thump of the helicopter blades would be soothing to some but for our purposes, it sets the backdrop of our sure to be crazy scene. This is one of those larger helicopters that has a middle section suited for passengers. One door of this aerial conveyance is wide open and looking out the side, yet securely fastened to the interior of the vehicle, are two gentlemen. One is dressed in camouflage and has his face painted. The other is dressed like a pilgrim. One is "The Dark Horse" Randall Osbourne. The other is "Thrillseeker" Tommy Elliot. While you try and figure out which is dressed like what, we listen in to the conversation they're having over their headsets.] TE: Whoa... I.... oh geez.... RO: Somehow... I think this was a bad plan. -------YESTERDAY------- [The scene changes to a club, a rather happening club at that. While there is no hum and thump of a helicopter, we here the hum and thump of techno music. Young men and women come to and from the club, some get in, some are left to stand in a line that stretches around the corner. Not in the line are two members of the Insanity Society, Tawni Northern and Tommy Elliot, Tawni looks like she'd fit right in at the club. Tommy, well he's a ball of nerves. That, or he's had way too many energy drinks... like usual.] TE: Think they'll show? TN: They all sounded pretty busy. But I'm sure one of them will show. [And then a long black limousine pulls up right in front of Tawni and Tommy.] TN: See? They came! [The driver exits the driver side door and briskly walks to the other side of the limo. He opens the door, allowing the passenger freedom to step out.] TE: Awesome! I didn't think it'd be _you_! TN: Welcome! [Before we can see who this is...] -------TWO DAYS AGO------- [Not the helicopter and not the club. This time? We're in the pool area of a nice hotel. It looks to be the type of hotel that has its pool area on the top floor, this one with a beautiful view of the Cincinnati skyline. Tawni is in the background, stretched out on a lounge chair. Scud is doing laps in the pool. Tommy Jackson is sitting on the edge of the pool in a T-shirt and cutoffs, dangling her feet. Randall Osbourne is at the poolside bar, having a beer. The bartender doesn't seem to know what to make of this ragtag crew.] RO: And then I bit off a piece of his face! Boy, did that make him mad! [Suddenly from inside the hotel runs Tommy Elliot. He's dressed in a red, white and blue jumpsuit with at least thirty five Roman candles strapped to his body and a bungee cord tied around his waist. He rushes straight up to Osbourne, unable to hold back his excitement. None of this seems to be strange to Randall.] TE: I HAVE AN IDEA! -------THREE DAYS AGO------- [We see the Cincinnati skyline again but there is no pool. And there is no hotel. Just a bunch of used cars, all lined up parallel to one another. A sign nearby reads "Cincinnati Pete's Used Car Lot" and standing close to the camera in Randall Osbourne and his smoking hot life mate Tawni Northern. Joining him is someone who we can assume to be "Cincinnati Pete."] Cincinnati Pete: Wow, you guys really made my day. Hell, you made my month. RO: Well, we're a little impulsive with our money sometimes. Cincinnati Pete: I'm not complaining. TN: I'd hope not. Cincinnati Pete: All the paperwork is done. I’ll just to get you the keys. [Pete looks at all the cars parked before him.] Cincinnati Pete: All twenty sets. TN: Oh take your time. We're in no rush. [Pete rushes back to his office as Tawni and Randall look at their newly acquired set of twenty cars.] TN: This is fun. RO: Most importantly, this will be fun for Tommy and TJ. Scud too if he unclenches. TN: I'm worried though? RO: Oh? About what? TN: We've got a title shot against Don't Go There at Heaven and Hell and I don't think we're taking it seriously enough. Now we've got to add The Chromosomes into the equation, and this could get messy. Something about those two masked guys gives me the chills. RO: I suppose you're right. We've been having a lot of fun here, what with Tamara's initiation into the Society and all. But we need to start really preparing for this match. I think I'll have a talk with the crew. TN: All of them? RO: We shouldn't go into this match as enemies with Ryu and Michael. We need to extend an olive branch, a hand of friendship. We're not going to be the bloodthirsty monsters we normally are. TN: You mean the bloodthirsty monster you are dear. RO: This will be friendly competition. A gentlemen's match. TN: Then we'll open it up to the Society, asking for ideas on how we go about doing that? RO: Exactly. But first... we let them have their fun. [Suddenly the monstrous roar of a million horsepower engine (horsepower estimated by scientists!) booms from off camera. Flying through the air and coming crashing down onto the row of cars is a monster truck... the most menacing monster truck you'll ever see.] TN: How on earth did you get him to agree to letting him borrow that? RO: What David Lawson doesn't know won't kill him. [As the monster truck rolls over the cars, crushing them under its weight and might, we can see the driver to be Tamara "Tommy" Jackson. Riding on the hood of the truck and surfing is Tommy "Thrillseeker" Elliot and tried to the front like the figurehead on an old wooden pirate ship is Billy "Scud" McKenzie.] Scud: OH GOD! HELP ME! [As the monster truck continues its course, Cincinnati Pete comes back with all twenty keys.] Cincinnati Pete: Oh... wha... what.... the cars! TN: It's all right Petey. We know how much of a bitch depreciation is. RO: Now... let's talk about that two thousand dollar guarantee on trade-ins you have. -------TWO DAYS AGO------- [And we're back poolside in the hotel. Tommy is still extremely excited and extremely hopped up on his special blend of caffeine. The rest of the Insanity Society have toweled off and surrounded Elliot as he lays out his plan for extending an olive branch to the Unified Tag Team Champions.] TE: And that's my idea. RO: Now _that_ is interesting. Tawni: I think they'll be receptive. I'll make a call, see if I can't arrange a meeting. Scud: I have a bad feeling about this. Tawni: When don't you have a bad feeling? RO: The only question is where would we get a helicopter? And who would fly it? TJ: Oh, I bet I could fly it. TE: And I know a guy who knows a guy that just got out of rehab. But he's got a helicopter. RO: Excellent. Tawni, set up the meeting. Tommy and Tommy, get us that copter. Scud... Scud: Here it comes. RO: I want you to do a live report for the UWF/MBC, on the scene. This is the sort of thing you share with the world. -------YESTERDAY------- -------MULTIPLE DRINKS LATER------- [We're back at the club. Not on the outside of the club but inside at the bar. Tawni, for some reason, is in the DJ booth, kicking out tunes for the masses. Tommy Elliot sits at the bar with the representative of Don't Go There, explaining his plan for sportsmanship and human spirit.] TE: I'm telling you man, the chicks will TOTALLY dig you if you do this. [And just who is representing the team of Don't Go There? Ryu Osawa? Michael Bonn? Virgina St. Ursula? Camera Guy?] Trice: BAWK! TE: Awesome! You're in! Bartender! Give me another fifteen Red Bulls! And a corn smoothie for me friend here! -------FIFTEEN MINUTES AGO------- [We're back in the helicopter. Yes there is Randall Osbourne. Yes there is Tommy Elliot. One is still in camo and the other is still dressed as a pilgrim. Have you figured out which is which yet? Also there is Trice... ...and a whole army of chickens.] RO: Cowboy up gentlemen! We're over the drop zone! TE: Ready to go buddy? Trice: BAWK! -------EARLIER TODAY------- [Down on the ground, we're at a shopping mall. That mall's name?] Scud: This is Billy McKenzie live at the Pinedale Shopping Mall where the excitement is mounting. [That's right. Pinedale. And live on the scene reporting is faithful Scud. He may not have won a Buckeye News award, but he'll do.] Scud: Hundreds of people have gathered to witness possibly the greatest showing of friendly competition ever. There are going to be a lot of happy people out here. The crowd is quiet and well behaved... and I think I hear something now. It's a helicopter, and it's coming this way. [Scud is beaming ear to ear, all seems to be going to plan.] Scud: What a sight ladies and gentlemen, what a sight.. The copter seems to be circling the parking area now looking for a place to land. Oh something just came out of the back of the helicopter. It's a dark object... perhaps a skydiver... plummeting to the Earth from 2000 feet in the air. There's a second.. and a third... No parachutes yet. Can't be skydivers... I can't tell just yet what they are, but... OH MY GOD! THEY'RE CHICKENS!!!! Tawni, where are you? Can you get this? Oh, they're plunging to the earth right in front of our eyes! One just went through the windshield of a parked car! This is terrible! People are running around, pushing each other! Oh, the humanity! The chickens are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement! The crowd is running for their lives...Not since the Hindenburg tragedy has there been anything like this! I don't know how much longer I can hold my position... -------EARLIER TODAY... ONE MINUTE LATER------- [And for the last time, we're back in the helicopter. Tommy is still looking down, scratching his head, a horrified look on his face.] TE: As God as my witness... I thought chickens could fly... [Fade.] |
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Everything I learned about soccer, I learned from Dro. You are to refer to Katie as "The Duchess of Der Basterdmusen" as of June 2014. She'll get angry if you don't. You've been warned. | |
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| Overly_Critical_Jue | Sep 29 2010, 03:10 PM Post #3 |
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Amigo, I ain't anybody but Juan Vasquez!
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Miyuki and Scottie need a team name ASAP. |
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| MBCKyle | Sep 29 2010, 03:30 PM Post #4 |
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The Soda Dog Refreshment Squad
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Slush: Lez-Be-Freinds |
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Everything I learned about soccer, I learned from Dro. You are to refer to Katie as "The Duchess of Der Basterdmusen" as of June 2014. She'll get angry if you don't. You've been warned. | |
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| Overly_Critical_Jue | Sep 29 2010, 03:57 PM Post #5 |
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Amigo, I ain't anybody but Juan Vasquez!
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Between "Lez-be-friends" and "International Incident", Kyle is on a roll with coming up with women team names. There should be a e-w HOF wing dedicated to this. Like how baseball inducts announcers and umpires. |
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| MBCKyle | Sep 29 2010, 04:03 PM Post #6 |
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The Soda Dog Refreshment Squad
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I don't know whats worse. Pinning my Hall of Fame hopes on this or a NyQuil addicted retired wrestler turned commentator who talks to a incontinent hamster and once thought he was gay because he was kissed by a woman who likes the band Rush. |
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Everything I learned about soccer, I learned from Dro. You are to refer to Katie as "The Duchess of Der Basterdmusen" as of June 2014. She'll get angry if you don't. You've been warned. | |
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| JeremySatwork | Sep 29 2010, 04:44 PM Post #7 |
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Unregistered
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It is the incontinent hamster that will save you, Kyle. |
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| Overly_Critical_Jue | Sep 29 2010, 05:10 PM Post #8 |
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Amigo, I ain't anybody but Juan Vasquez!
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Look on the brightside...I'm sure pinning your hopes on a hamster gives you slightly better odds than pinning your hopes on Tom Landis. |
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| JeremyS | Sep 29 2010, 07:03 PM Post #9 |
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MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!
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Aaaaand I just noticed that Tumaffi somehow showed up for his match. Did somebody miss my strat... or did I neglect to send to Mike/Kyle that Tumaffi was a no-show because his insides are fried? (the adrenaline was gonna wear off eventually!) |
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| Overly_Critical_Jue | Sep 29 2010, 07:08 PM Post #10 |
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Amigo, I ain't anybody but Juan Vasquez!
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Lets pretend Juan flew to Samoa and punched the electricity out of him. |
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| Murphy | Sep 29 2010, 07:59 PM Post #11 |
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Third Member. Professional lurker since 2006
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People read strats? |
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------ Murphy Handled: "Incredible" Idol Austin of Dynasty Find me on Discord at murphraven#0536 or Google at shawnpmurphy You can ride Space Mountain all night long. If you're 18 years old, or over. - Ric Flair, 1985 | |
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| Flouzemaker | Sep 29 2010, 08:25 PM Post #12 |
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The Luther Burger
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What the heck are strats? Does it have something with strata, and calculating a show's age by counting the accumulated lines, or something? |
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| MBCKyle | Sep 29 2010, 10:06 PM Post #13 |
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The Soda Dog Refreshment Squad
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Sorry, I did not recieve said strat. |
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Everything I learned about soccer, I learned from Dro. You are to refer to Katie as "The Duchess of Der Basterdmusen" as of June 2014. She'll get angry if you don't. You've been warned. | |
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| RedRajah | Sep 29 2010, 10:23 PM Post #14 |
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Shocked Woona is Shocked
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If it's any consolation, it still sells Tumaffi's injuries and not being at peak fitness. |
| And here's where I pretend to be a writer... | |
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3:31 AM Jul 11