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| [MBC] The Bastard Underground - 8-13-10; Episode I | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Oct 29 2010, 03:44 PM (243 Views) | |
| MBCKyle | Oct 29 2010, 03:44 PM Post #1 |
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The Soda Dog Refreshment Squad
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[Cut to static. In an age of digital television, the static is jarring: a relic from another time, loud and intrusive. After a moment the static jumps, the audio cuts and comes back... jumps again and again, and finally we hear a hard thwacking sound, as if someone is smacking hard plastic. Finally the static breaks up and we see an image: the face of Felicity Malone, leaning into the camera and smacking its side.] Felicity: This thing working yet? Camera Man: Almost.. there we go. [The static cuts out entirely, and Felicity takes a few steps back, opening up her surroundings to us: She looks to be in an old boxing gym, perhaps one we've seen her and Rose train in before... there's not much here but a dusty old ring at the center and a few lonesome punching bags hanging here and there. Perhaps out of place is the security barrier that has been setup around the ring. The only light comes from tall windows set high along the thirty-foot-high walls; the gym is dark enough that the cuts of sunlight are stark white and catch worlds of dust swirling through them. As Felicity steps back she moves in and out of these shafts of light.. sometimes brightly lit, sometimes a silhouette. It's playing hell with the camera.] Camera Man: Wait... stop. You're messing with the white balance. This thing is old, all right? Felicity: We make do. How's this? [Felicity steps into a shaft of sunlight and we see her again: black leather biker pants, black leather biker jacket, dark blue tank top and black fingerless gloves. Her hair, usually cut short, has been allowed to grow a little longer and a little wilder. The look suits her, as does this place.] Felicity: Hey. If you're seeing this that means you found -- or were invited to -- the Bastard Underground YouTube channel. And this is the only place you're GOING to find us. In the 21st century, a few thousand bucks will put you in front of as many people as wanna watch you. Why bother with the editing room and TV contracts? [Felicity waves off that train of thought.] Felicity: Not important. What is important is you're here, now, because you're either a fan of the Mighty Bastard Championship -- a real fan, not some tourist -- or because you're a real wrestler and, most of all, a real bastard. If you're either of those things you know who I am: someone who grew up watching the MBC, someone who idolized guys like Crimson, someone who broke her way into the league because she loved it so damn much and wanted to see it stay true to its roots. [She pauses, briefly.] Felicity: It worked, for a time... though my banking it all on Crimson was a double-edged sword. And here we are again, tied to the sinking ship of some other federation and its generic stable of generic personalities. Oh, you're a big wacky guy? Oh, you're a bad ass? [Felicity shakes her head.] Felicity: Or, oh, you're some hardcore chick who doesn't take crap from anyone? [Felicity crosses her arms and smirks.] Felicity: Shitheads, I am the ORIGINAL hardcore chick who doesn't take crap from anyone. We don't need your tired asses in our league. [A beat.] Felicity: Luckily I wasn't the only one noticed. One night not too long ago I was having a few beers with a pretty weird cast of MBC veterans, and I started into it: how the MBC had lost its way again, how the roster was bloated with bland nobodies and how wedding ourselves to another federation had sunk the brand even further. What surprised me was that everyone at the table felt the same way... maybe not as strongly as I did, but at least a little bit. Enough to vocalize it. Felicity: So we started talking. Broke out some pens and cocktail napkins. Talked about what we missed in the old league, the things we'd like to see... at first it was all a big hypothetical, but somewhere along the way it got more serious. I've spent more time in backyard and bar leagues than anyone else I know, so I had connections and ideas: how to do things on a shoestring budget, and how to get people to notice. Others had access to old cameras.. like that one... [Felicity gestures to the camera.] Felicity: ...and we had enough ties with MBC crew, both current and retired, to put together something sustainable. It isn't top-of-the-line tech, but who gives a shit, right? We had the talent, the experience, and most of all the passion to remake the MBC into what it used to be. Failing that... [She spreads her arms out, displaying the ring behind her.] Felicity: We just do our own thing. I'm as close to a "fed head" as we'll ever have, but I promise that I -- and the seven other backers making this happen -- won't get in your way. No elaborate tournaments, no bullshit disqualifications or count-outs, just good hardcore wrestling and old-fashioned bastardry. We fight till we're tired and then we fight some more. And if you want to join us in the Bastard Underground? [Felicity bends to pick something up off the ground, then stands again. She's now holding a faded, beat-up black fedora.] Felicity: All you gotta do is drop your name in the hat. Do that, and you WILL wrestle. [With her free hand, Felicity pulls a large scrap of paper from her back pocket. She holds it up to the camera, and we can see the name "FELICITY" written on it. She drops the scrap in the hat.] Felicity: See you in the ring. [The camera then follows Felicity as she walks over to a set of two punching bags. The bags themselves are unimportant. What _is_ important is the white sheet strung up between the two hanging bags. Written upon the sheet is about as close as you're going to see for a logo for this place...] THE BASTARD UNDERGROUND EPISODE I [Sitting in front of the tarp is a stool. And it is upon this stool that Felicity Malone sets the fedora. She turns to look in the distance. Accordingly, the camera pans over to see a large man sitting in front of a large metal door.] Felicity: Open it up. [The man nods and pulls on a large chain. With every pull, the large metal door raises higher and higher. On the other side stands a decently sized group of people. Some look like casual fans. Some look like they could fight. Others seemingly are hiding their identity. Who will make sense of all this? Who will aide us in deciphering the mysteries of The Bastard Underground? Commentators of course.] Female Voice: Hello to everyone watching. Male Voice: I hope there's enough people watching to make this worth it. Female Voice: Oh, there will be. [The camera pans over, because really, it’s the ONLY camera this place has if you haven't figured that out, and we see two young individuals standing by a card table setup at ringside. One is a female with long black hair. Her features are strikingly familiar to those who don't know her. If you watched SplatterNad, then you'd likely remember her.] Angela Harrison: I'm Angela Harrison. And joining me is Spikehead. [Next to her is a wiry youth with red hair. He doesn't seem too pleased with the nickname.] Rory McAllister: Rory McAllister, nice to meet you. AH: No Spikehead? RM: Only if you want to be referred to only as Skullbuster. AH: Fair enough. [As Angela and Rory get their affairs in order, oh how professional this show is, the people filter in along the security barriers.] RM: Can we say where this gym is? AH: Sure. We're in Memphis, Tennessee and leave it at that. RM: We're sticking with vague right? AH: Because for the Underground to succeed we can't let the establishment let on to where we are. Have you never rebelled in your life? RM: One time in chess club... AH: Wow, why are you here? RM: Personal growth. AH: For those of you who missed it, more than a few people got tired of the merger. Rather, it was MBC people who got tired of the merger. So we're doing this. Bare bones, cheap and obviously unsanctioned. You put your name in the hat and you can fight. RM: And this is where we show the hat again? AH: Yes. Oh how I wish we had a pre-show meeting like professionals. RM: And we also introduce the third member of our team. AH: Unfortunately. [The camera pans back to The Bastard Underground logo/sheet and the hat. Standing next to it is another person some may find familiar. He's dressed in a black suit and feels completely out of place.] Well Dressed Man: Can you hear me? AH: Yes, go ahead. Well Dressed Man: Hello, this is Commentator Roy Beam checking in. [Wait for it.] RLB: My friends call me "Laser." [Laser smiles to the camera and you swear that you see a sparkle coming off his teeth.] AH: Get on with it Roy. RLB: I'm here on location... AH: You're ten feet away from us. RLB: ...and awaiting for those brave souls to step forward and place their names in this receptacle. AH: It's a damn hat. [There's a rustling within the crowd as people look to see if anybody will step forward and put their name into the hat. No one comes at first, but then a man dressed in all black steps forward. He steps to the camera and flashes his paper and name to the camera: DEAD BOY JONES He folds the paper, drops his name and raises his arm in victory as the crowd cheers him on.] RM: Dead Boy Jones from the team Dead Pezzy is the first to follow Felicity Malone in putting his name in the hat. We haven't seen much of him during the merger but I understand he's been under the tutelage of Mister Haliburton and the Problem Solvers. AH: Learning to beat up people no doubt. [The camera continues to scan the crowd again, looking for the next entrant. It lands upon a rather attractive woman. No, she's not entering her name into the hat. Our camera man is simply distracted. These are the sorts of things you miss with you know, a professional production team and multiple cameras. And maybe some class.] RLB: And here comes another. He looks like a cross between a grizzly bear and Bea Arthur. [The camera lingers on the woman and hurriedly pans back to "The Hat" to catch the next entrant flashing his name: JAMES MASTERSON He's not quite a cross between a grizzly bear and Bea Arthur. For one, he's not as hairy as a bear and he's not as dead as Bea Arthur. But he is quite a massive individual and he looks like he could punch a wall and win. He folds his paper and drops it in the hat.] AH: James Masterson comes to us from the Bastard Stampede roster. I didn't know word of the Underground had reached there. RM: Masterson goes by the name "King Texas" and is a third generation wrestler. Looks like his father and grandfather also went by the name King Texas. [Masterson looks over the crowd with a sneer as a few other individuals, many of them with hoods over their heads drop their names into the hat.] AH: Quite a few people putting their names in. We won't get to them all though. We've only got time for two matches tonight. RM: That'll change with time depending on how many people watch this. AH: Don't obsess over it. People will watch. They will come. RM: So can we transition into something else? AH: Not really. We can't afford transitions. RM: We can't get somebody to run this show through Windows Movie Maker or something? AH: Honestly, not that much thought has been put into the aesthetics. It's more important we put out a wrestling product. [As Rory and Angela continue to banter, it seems that there are no more people who wish to put their names into “The Hat.” Roy "Laser" Beam then picks up the hat, jerks it up like a frying man to toss the slips of paper around.] RLB: With nobody else ready to put their names in, shall we draw out the first two entrants? [The crowd, what there is of it, cheers loudly. The sound echoes throughout the somewhat unused gym space.] RLB: I will draw names from... "The Hat!" When your name is called, come forward to an interview by yours truly. [And lo, Laser reaches into the Hat...] RLB: The first person called to the forefront of the Underground... ...DEAD BOY JONES! [An obviously proud Dead Boy Jones returns to “The Hat" staging area. The fans applaud him as he looks ready to take on whoever is picked from "The Hat."] RLB: Mr. Jones, how does it feel to be picked first? Dead Boy Jones: It feels great to be the first to fight in the Underground, Laser. You simply don't understand how much training I've put in, only to not be given the opportunity because of the merger. I can go toe to toe with anybody. All I need is a chance. RLB: Excellent. Then all you need to do is reach into "The Hat" and pull out the name of your opponent. [Jones nods in acknowledgment and reaches into "The Hat." From it, he pulls a slip of paper and reads the name to himself. His look is that of disbelief. He then hands the paper over to Roy Beam.] RLB: Oh my... we have ourselves a return. Dead Boy Jones' opponent tonight is... BRANDON ELYSON!!! [The crowd gasps and many cheer. Apparently, many of the citizens of Styx are in attendance. A man wearing a hooded sweatshirt approaches Beam and Jones. Once he pulls back the hood, we can see that it is indeed Brandon Elyson, right hand man of Vengeance and the Industry of Hate. He has grown a beard of impressive length but really, the guy looks like he's homeless. Beam goes to shake his hand but Elyson simply glares at him.] BE: Do not speak to me Beam! You betrayed me and you betrayed Vengeance! Never again will your name be spoken in the House of Elyson! None of my kin or my ilk will ever call you "Laser" again! [To look at Roy Beam is to see a man who feels wounded in his very soul.] BE: Thanks to that atrocity with Crimson, the UWF/MBC found all it needed to do away with us. Lucky for them. But what is unlucky for those small minded fools is that they have no authority over the Bastard Underground. So here, the Industry returns! I return to you as a prophet, preaching the word of Vengeance until the High Pope himself is ready to make his presence felt. You, Dead Boy, are only the first. [Dead Boy Jones and Brandon Elyson glare at one another, giving the classic pre-fight pose.] RLB: Ahem, well with that said, it’s time to get into the ring. [With no pomp or circumstance, both Dead Boy Jones and Brandon Elyson walk from "The Hat" and enter the ring. There is no entrance music. There is no pyrotechnic display. Only these two walking a short walk to where they shall fight. Elyson pulls off his sweat shirt as Dead Boy stretches. So what’s missing?] RM: Don't we need a referee? AH: We couldn't very well get one of the referees from the UWF or MBC unions. There was no way they'd get involved with this thanks to all the problems they're having with the top brass. RM: So what are we going to do? AH: Improvise. [Low and behold, Roy "Laser" Beam enters the ring, microphone still in hand.] RLB: Gentlemen, you understand the rules. No disqualifications and no count-outs. With a handshake you state that you will comply to this and have entered a gentleman's agreement that this will be a straight up one on one contest. [Both Jones and Elyson stare at Beam, thinking to themselves "what the hell are you still doing here?"] RLB: By the way, I'm your official for this contest, Referee Roy Beam. [Yep, here it comes.] RLB: My friends call me "Laser." RM: Seriously? AH: Seriously. RLB: Now, you two shake hands so we can get this match started. =============================== DEAD BOY JONES versus BRANDON ELYSON =============================== And so Brandon Elyson and Dead Boy Jones shook hands. Roy Beam took a small hammer and struck a small bell that he inexplicably had upon his person. Yes, Roy "Laser" Beam not only was a commentator, an interviewer, and a referee but he was also the time keeper. Elyson and Jones began with a lockup but soon lead to Elyson dominating Jones and pushing him to the corner. Elyson hammered away before whipping Jones out and sending him across the ring. Jones ran up the turnbuckle and flew back at an oncoming Elyson. This resulted in a roll up by Jones but could only garner a count of one and a half. The action continued from here, wild and carefree. The two wrestlers found themselves on the outside, and true to the rules, there was no count-out. Jones and Elyson brawled along the guardrail, evening using the metal structure a time or two. The match ended up back in the ring, perhaps just out of habit. But it didn't take long for it to go back outside and end up in the crowd. The brawl continued there and even worked its way towards the main door. Elyson took the cash box for the night and smashed it into Jones' head. True to the rules, there was no disqualification. Jones was knocked silly and stumbled around like a drunk. Elyson, perhaps surprisingly, gave the cash box back and dragged Jones back towards the ring. Elyson leaned Jones against the guardrail and backed up a few feet. He charged in, going for a clothesline over the top but Jones ducked and flipped Elyson over, causing Brandon to land on his back upon the unpadded floor. Both men lingered as the action was clearly taking its toll. The small crowd egged them both on, spurring them, albeit slowly into action. Dead Boy Jones climbed over the guardrail with an uneasy step and pulled Elyson to his feet upon gaining proper ground. The aching Elyson was sent into the corner post. Jones followed, attempting a boot to Brandon's gut but Elyson dodged. He followed that up with a retaliatory clothesline. There was a moment or two of lingering but quickly enough, Elyson rolled Jones into the ring. Jones still had plenty of life left in him and the two battled longer. Just when Dead Boy thought he had Elyson put away, Elyson caught him by surprise and hit him with a Death Valley Driver. Laser dropped down to count the one, two, three. =============================== RLB: The winner of this contest by pin fall... BRANDON ELYSON!!! RM: Beam attempts to raise Elyson's hand in victory but he'll have nothing of it. AH: The people of Styx may be of questionable logic... RM: ...and character... AH: ...and hygiene... RM: ...and moral fiber... AH: ...but they do know how to hold a grudge. RM: And this decidedly Styx heavy crowd loves him. AH: I guess now it’s only a matter of time before we see Vengeance in the Underground. RM: While we ponder that, let's got to this segment. AH: Rory, we don't have segments. RM: We don't? AH: Not with only one camera. RM: What’s our camera guy doing then? AH: Beats me. We don't have monitors at our table either. [For those curious souls wondering just what the camera guy is doing, the single camera feed shows that he is walking around the crowd, as if looking for someone. You'd think with how easily he is distracted by low cut tops or tight jeans, it would be a woman. But no. it's a shabby looking dude in a baseball cap, smoking a cigarette and having a beer.] Camera Man: Yo, Seth. I need you to take over. [Ah, another MBC character rescued from obscurity. This one’s for you, Dro.] Seth: Dude, I'm not here to work. Camera Man: Dude, you owe me for getting you away from that dude who.. Seth: Low blow Man! Camera Man: Dude. Dude. I's gots to takes a leaks. Help a brother out. Seth. Fine, douche. But we're even. [In a visually jumbled mess, the camera exchanges personages. As Seth takes over, we see the old camera man do the "pee-pee dance" and run to the far Port-a-potty. Ah, the Tardis of Turds.] Seth: Yo, dude. Random Guy: Sup? Seth: I'll give you one-hundred bucks to get some friends and tip over the Port-a-potty over there. Random Guy: You're on! AH: Hey... Seth? Seth: Yo! AH: We're working on a show here. Seth: So am I AH: Focus please. Back to "The Hat" [And so, from the Port-a-potty to logo/sheet the camera goes. But in the distance... ...a thud... ...a splash... ...and a...] Camera Guy: AAAARRRRGGHHH!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Seth: Score. [Back at "The Hat" is Interviewer Toy Beam. Do you call him "Laser"?] RLB: For the last match of the evening... we consult... "The Hat"! [Laser (I call him Laser just to make things easier) reaches into “The Hat” and from it, he pulls another name.] RLB: Up first in our next contest... ...AKELYA RUIZ!!! [The crowd gives a moderate cheer as a bitter looking woman of Mexican ethnicity comes to "The Hat." Beam slicks back his eyebrows.] RLB: Why hello. I'm the Ladies Man Roy Beam. My friends call me Laser. My women call me... lover. Akeyla Ruiz: Stick it perv. I'm here for one reason and its not to let jerk stains like you to ogle me. See, I heard about this place and for once, somebody in the MBC had a good idea. A while back, the MBC sent me down to heal up. Problem is, Bastard Stampede wasn't going anywhere. All I'm doing is sitting home and collecting a paycheck, a crappy one mind you. And I can't even go train because my supposed teacher Tesla St. James thinks I'm not ready. Screw her! She's a shitty ass teacher anyways! RM: Did she cuss? AH: Yep. RM: There was no bleep. AH; Welcome to YouTube. Akeyla Ruiz: I'm not going to pull a damn name out of the hat. I want the big bad bitch herself to come down and face me. [There's some jostling in the crowd, and finally Felicity Malone emerges from it, already pulling her leather jacket off. She tosses the jacket to the commentator's table and walks right up to Ruiz, Beam and the hat, clearly sizing her opponent up.] Felicity: Me? [Felicity looks Ruiz up and down again, arms crossed.] Felicity: Fine. No more talk. And... [Felicity gestures to the ring. She does not smile.] Felicity: Ladies first. =============================== AKEYLA RUIZ versus FELICITY MALONE =============================== No time was wasted by either woman in getting to the ring. They did however show courtesy in waiting for Roy Beam to get into the ring. He gave the two ladies the same set of rules he did the two men who fought earlier. Upon a handshake, Beam called the match to begin and those hands of friendship became fists of rage. Both Ruiz and Felicity came out slugging, adrenaline quickly kicking in as each woman took punch after punch to their respective faces. Beam let them go at it and the crowd ate it up. The two spilled to the outside and brawled on the floor. Ruiz drove Malone's back into the ring apron repeatedly but the feisty Felicity gritted her teeth and fired back with the most cringe-worthy of elbows. While the two did not go into the crowd as had happened in the last match, fans very much became involved. Some offered up chairs. Some offered up chants of "we want blood!" There even came a fan who offered up a cheese grater and when the other fans saw that, they cheered for it to be used. Ruiz walked over and took said cheese grater. But that same fan produced a block of cheese. Ruiz looked at the fan as if to say "are you seriously stupid? Seriously?" This was just the opening for Felicity to spear tackle Ruiz from behind and ram her face first into the gym floor. The cheese grater was lost and there was much sadness. Next came the blood. Felicity hammered down relentlessly, busting Ruiz's forehead open. Akeyla fed off it though, holding nothing back. A thumb to the eye and a jab that possibly knocked out a tooth later, Felicity was knocked off the top of Ruiz and Akeyla slammed Fel face first into the ring post. Both women were getting woozy after the intense brawl and rolling into the ring was only an excuse to get a brief respite. They battled more with Ruiz relying heavily on her punches. But Felicity saw an opening as Ruiz started to favor one shoulder over the other. With the targeting of a predator, Felicity relentlessly attacked the sore, once injured shoulder. Akeyla fought through the pain admirably but once Felicity locked on a cross face chicken wing, Ruiz could stand no more. The youngster had no choice but to tap. =============================== RLB: The winner of this match by submission... FELICITY MALONE!!! AH: Malone prevails proving that she is indeed the "biggest, baddest bitch" here. Still, she's taking the time to offer a hand to Ruiz. RM: To which she quickly refuses. AH: Akeyla just rolls out of the ring. Talk about bitter. RM: But I think Ruiz did prove a point that she's ready to wrestle, even if her old injury came into play. AH: Any opponent is going to focus on that. She needs to strengthen that shoulder up or find a way to work around it. RM: Or prevent it. AH: All in all, I'd call this a successful episode. RM: Our camera guy wouldn't. The original one at least. Seth: Totally had it coming! AH: Quiet Seth. Seth: You're not the boss of me! AH: Let me tell you... [And the feed cuts off with the same static as we had at the beginning of the show. YouTube: Replay?] |
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Everything I learned about soccer, I learned from Dro. You are to refer to Katie as "The Duchess of Der Basterdmusen" as of June 2014. She'll get angry if you don't. You've been warned. | |
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| Kickair | Nov 1 2010, 10:31 AM Post #2 |
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Buttons aren't toys
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I like it!! |
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| texanspaniard | Nov 10 2010, 12:13 AM Post #3 |
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The Luther Burger
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Woah! Like... WOAH! Fantastic! |
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7:20 PM Jul 10