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HUGELive~!; Originally intended for Nov. 2, 2010.
Topic Started: Nov 10 2010, 11:06 PM (280 Views)
Mozeart
Member Avatar
Sheik-ee, Sheik-ee, give me your answer do...
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[It's 8pm. Championship curling ends on SSN2. Fade in and SURPRISE, that's not Motocross Madness! Interior view, the Hellfire Bar & Grill has been gutted down to it's 120+ year-old magnificent loose-fitted stone work and an elaborate balcony system has been installed in place, doubling the seating in the arena! Gone are the businesses that once rented space within the drywall cubicles built over the stone, gone is the full restaurant serving food 24 hours a day and in it's place is a concession area. It's quite a conversion!
After the camera is done panning across the entirety of this very different yet familiar landscape, it finds HUGE GM (and former owner) Barney Johnson talking with his childhood friend, broadcast colleague and all-around buffoon "DJ Har-V" Harvey Jenkins.
Holy crap, HUGE has a TV deal!]

BJ: I don't know Harvey, I just hope we can get the talent back. We have a good core roster but it's too small.

DJHV: Do not worry Barney, we have the venue, we have the backing of a ben-ev-oh-lent ... yeah, corporation. The talent will come.

[Oh yeah, that was terrible. Harvey is so reading off of a cue card.]

BJ: Holy crap, okay, I'm done. This is like take twenty and he's still struggling with the four syllable words!

DJHV: Hey, *BLEEP* you, man!

[Turning to camera, Barney cuts all pretense and screams--]

BJ: HUGE IS BACK AND NOW WE'RE ON SSN!

*ZZZSSSHHHHZZZSSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHHHHHHTTT*

[The rapid, militaristic pounding of a snare drum sounds out the instrumental openings of "Rise" by Bobaflex. Standing in silhouette, a single, muscular figure slowly lifts his head towards a spotlight shining in the ceiling. Pan to his side; it's Antonio Morientes.]

<Note to reader: If you're not familiar with the group, listen to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwqkX9Mj-f8 while reading. It helps.>

#Rise,#
#fight or die.#
#Rise,#

[Cut. Tre Jordan flees the Spectre's wrath.]

#it's my battle-cry.#
#Rise,#
#fight or die...#

[Cut. The gigantic Kobus de Vries powerslams the also large Kerry Ryan, shaking the ring so hard the referee falls over.]

#Make you, break you,#
#what's that sound?#
#Another little Hitler tries to bring me down.#

[Preston Mayfield as Tracy Hudson Mask pummels HUGE GM Barney Johnson with a censored and oversized sex toy.]

#He speaks a lot like me,#
#play by the rules or we'll break your knees.#

["Mad Dog" Valentine lands a nasty brainbuster DDT on jobber Tony Blake.]

#I CAN'T TAKE IT!#

[Back to Morientes, who stares up at the light, enraptured.]

#In the back of my head try to tell me what to do again.#
#I CAN'T FAKE IT!#
#Finger on the trigger try to make me play the fool again.#

[Gigantically fat, "Twinkletoes" Tiwilliger drops a fat leg across the throat of some hapless victim.]

#NO!#

[Morientes thrusts a fist into the air.]

#NO!#

[Valentine has his hand raised in victory.#

#NO!#

[Leering at the camera through his plastic mask, Preston Mayfield waggles his blurred rubber thing at HUGE's fans.]

#I GOTTA RISE!#

[Miguel Quesada strides confidently down the entrance ramp, the fans lose their minds.]

#FIGHT OR DIE!#
#RISE!#
#IT'S MY BATTLE-CRY!#

[Tre Jordan, bloodied, trades punches with a larger man in an oversized rubber muscle suit (Vince Viper).]

#RISE!#
#FIGHT OR DIE!#
#You can't break me.#
#RISE!#

[Logan Foley smashes a guitar through a drumset then starts kicking pieces of musical equipment out of the HUGE ring.]

#FIGHT OR DIE!#
#RISE!#
#IT'S MY BATTLE-CRY!#

[Antonio Morientes bounces off the ropes, hitting St. Amuro on jobber "Private" Glen Peeps.]

#RISE!#
#FIGHT OR DIE!#
#I won't fall in line I'm not your kind...#

[A gunmetal grey, white and blue logo is violently stamped onto the screen and we fade to the HUGE studio.]

.____________________________________________.
| _ _ _ _ ___________ |
| / / / / | | | / __ \ ____\ |
| / / / /| | | || | \_\ \ |
| / /_/ / | | | || | __ \ \___ |
| / __ / | | | || | | | \ __\ |
| / / / / | |_| || | | | \ \ |
| / / / / | || |__| | \ \____ |
| /_/ /_/ O \___/O \____/O _\_____\_O |
| /_ | / \ |
| Hellfire's Ultimate Grappling < < | O | |
| \\Excitement Version 3.0.// /___\O \___/ |
|--------------------------------------------|
| Now in glorious on-line 720p, 16X9 HD! |
'--------------------------------------------'

*ZZZSSSHHHHZZZSSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHHHHHHTTT*

[Barney and Harvey sit in comfort, sipping mixed drinks. Barney no longer looks like the freed slave he was six months ago. He's hale, hearty, maybe even a little fat. Harvey still looks like he wants to be Kid Rock.]

BJ: That's right fans, we're back. Phoenix Valley Wrestling died and it was up in the air for awhile, but HUGE is in business.

DJHV: And it's time to get down to business, man. You know you still haven't got a champ for this dump yet?

BJ: Hey now, don't run down the Hellfire. It's been in my family since before my dad was born.

DJHV: I like the new place better.

BJ: Fans, what Harvey's referring to is the new FORGE wrestling school. In the coming weeks and starting tonight, you'll be getting to know these "Future Legends" first hand. The Head of the Class, eight young kids who stand out among their peers, all jockeying for a chance at a contract to move up to HUGE or, our new sister promotion, 3DW.

DJHV: Y'know, that place on RTN where the 1AM showing's a lot better than the 9PM showing.

BJ: Anyway, as Harvey alluded to earlier, there has not yet been a HUGE champion in this incarnation of the league. Rather than beat around the bush and letting the division develop on it's own, we're just having a tournament. Tonight every match is a first-round tournament match! Here are the brackets!

[Graphic on screen!]
___________________________________________________
Tiwilliger | | |
----vs------| | |
Jordan |-----------| |
------------ | |
vs |-----------| |
Foley | | | |
----vs------| | | |
Valentine. |-----------| | |
------------ | |
vs |------------| |
Quesada | | |
----vs------| | |
Mayfield. |-----------| | |
----------- | | |
vs |-----------| |
Morientes | | |
----vs------| | |
de Vries. |-----------| |
------------ |
_________________________________________________ |
Quarterfinal| semifinal | final | WINNER! | |
---------------------------------------------------

[Back to the boys in the studio.]

DJHV: Man Barn, that's pretty structured for a guy like you.

BJ: What's that supposed to mean?

DJHV: Hey, just callin' it like I see it. Last time you did something like this you just sorta threw the title at the winner of some match.

BJ: Hey, that was a tournament final!

DJHV: You were the _only_ person that knew there was a tourney, man. If nobody else knows, then it's not a tournament.

BJ: Your opinion is duly noted, but now, how about we check out what happens when the strongest man in HUGE, maybe the world, takes on the Spanish Warrior. This is Kobus de Vries versus Antonio Morientes!

*ZZZSSSHHHHZZZSSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHHHHHHTTT*

=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=
Antonio Morientes
-vs-
"The Cape Buffalo" Kobus de Vries
=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=

*ZZZSSSHHHHZZZSSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHHHHHHTTT*

[ARENA! Ringside with Harvey and Barney.]

DJHV: Yo people, it's match number one in the HUGE Heavyweight Title Tournament, and this is D-Jay Har-V bringin' it on back to ya so you know what is the dealio! Spin da tunes!

[Justice's “Genesis” thrashed the basement's speakers and out of the backroom came manager Penny Zadian. She adjusted her fedora and pointed back to the door with her unlit cigar just as “The Cape Buffalo” Kobus de Vries barged out. The enormous South African strongman stomped his way to the ring with all the grace of a bull in a china shop while his comely manager shouted last minute instructions at him, most of which she'd have to repeat again and again throughout the match.]

DJHV: Comin' out first is a big-ass man from deep in the ... uh, south of Africa. He's a HORRIFYING 410 pounds, and that deep south I'm talkin' about is Cape Town. Dig it, this is "CAPE BUFFALO" Kobus de Vries!

[Middling face pop. Mario Lanza's voice singing "Ave Maria" plays over the PA. From the back comes a Caucasian man with black hair, brown eyes, a five O'clock shadow on his face, wearing white tights with a purple stripe down the side of each leg and yellow ring boots. Antonio Morientes is here! Morientes walks to the ring, his head lowered as he prays silently to himself but moving his lips. He walks up to the ring, climbs onto the ring apron, makes the sign of the cross and then climbs through the ropes and pumps his fist into the air and goes to his corner.]

DJHV: And now we got the man from Madrid! HUGE's most popular man ... for some reason, give it up for ANTONIO MORIENTES!

[High heat for Morientes as he rolls into the ring. As the referee calls for the bell both men come out of their corners. Antonio offers Kobus a handshake. Kobus looks at his hand, then at Penny, then shakes Morientes' hand which draws a big applause from the crowd. Both men nod at each other and then begin circling one another. They locked up and with ease Kobus sends Morientes flying across the ring with a mighty shove.]

[Morientes looks up and across the ring from his seated position, aka on his butt where he landed, and is impressed with the strength of the large Afrikaan. The Madridsta gets to his feet and goes to lock up with de Vries once more. Morientes tries to push the big man back but it's to no avail as the much larger de Vries easily, and once again, sends Antonio flying across the ring and landing on his backside yet again!]

[The Spaniard gets to his feet but Kobus rushes forward and goes for a body rush on Morientes but the the man from Madrid is able to move out of the way. Kobus spins around and lunges with a clothesline but Antonio is able to avoid that and he does a little matador with his cape motion. The crowd applauds the bullfighting mimmicking but it's not so popular with Penny who angrily yells instructions to Kobus. The Cape Buffalo charges Antonio again and once more Morientes goes for the bullfighting mimmick but this time de Vries stops himself and BLASTS Antonio with a huge elbow that sends the Madridsta tumbling through the ropes onto the ring apron.]

[With Zadian yelling encouragements de Vries steps out onto the ring apron where Morientes is getting to his feet. Kobus goes to grab Morientes but the Man from Madrid pushes the Cape Buffalo's hand away and fires off a chop to the chest of the man from South Africa. He's not impressed though with the Spaniard's chop and lets Antonio have one of his own and it sends Morientes down onto the apron holding his chest in pain.]

[Kobus grabs Morientes and yanks him to his feet and THROWS him over the top rope back inside the ring with a mighty hip toss! The ease that he sends the two hundred and fifty pound Morientes flying impresses everyone as the audience "AHHHHH's" over it! The Cape Buffalo begins to climb back into the ring but Antonio is up on his feet and he rushes over and tries to hit a shoulder block on the big man! It sends Antonio bouncing backwards down to the canvas and only pushes de Vries back an inch if that.]

[Kobus begins climbing through the ropes again but Morientes is up, again, and he charges forward again and... UNINTENTIONAL CLASH OF HEADS! Kobus, bent over as he was climbing through the ropes, his head and Antonio's charging forward head, collide in a badly aimed shoulder block attempt by the Madridsta and Antonio falls backwards onto the canvas as if KO'd. Kobus probably wishes he fell backwards onto canvas or even the ring apron because instead, de Vries falls backwards OFF the apron and he lands awkwardly on the floor outside with a DISGUSTING snapping noise as his right foot somehow lands before the rest of him.]

[Immediately it's apparent something is very, very wrong! Penny rushes over to her charge and the Cape Buffalo is trying his best not to scream out as his foot seems to hang.. oddly. The referee scrambles out of the ring and is checking on de Vries and he flashes the dreaded "x" signal with his arms.]

[In the ring Morientes begins to stir and he is surprised to see nobody is in the ring. He sits up and notices some commotion outside the ring. He gets to his feet and walks over and he is HORRIFIED when he sees the condition of Kobus' foot!]

[Morientes scrambles out of the ring to check on Kobus and Penny, tears streaming down her face, begins assaulting the Spaniard's ears with obscenities! Antonio begins to cry himself, and asks for Kobus' forgiveness. Kobus, gritting his teeth through pain, trembles and nods his head, not really concerned with giving forgiveness and more concerned as to why his foot his hanging.. oddly.]

[Medics and officials come down to the ringside area and they have a gourney with them. They do what they can for Kobus and his foot which hangs, ah.. oddly. As Zadian cries fullheartedly it takes eight men, Morientes one of them, to lift the massive Cape Buffalo onto the gurney and help him to the back. As he is wheeled away with a tearful Penny in tow, Antonio watches with utter despair in his face over what he has accidentally caused.]

*ZZZSSSHHHHZZZSSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHHHHHHTTT*

[Back in the HUGE Studio.]

BJ: Needless to say we all at HUGE are greatly saddened at what has happened to Kobus de Vries. Kobus has been a great friend to me and I owe him a lot; maybe even my life.

DJHV: What the doc say again? Somethin' about the Achilles tendon?

BJ: A compound fracture of several bones in the foot compounded by a partial tear of the achilles tendon.

DJHV: Damn! See, that's why you gotta be careful about employing these fatties, man.

BJ: He passed the physical, Harvey! He passed his physical, got all the required training and was certified by the Ohio Athletics Commission. We did everything right!

DJHV: Whoa whoa whoa, man, what is up? You sure have been tense lately.

BJ: Yeah, well, you would be too if you had the year I did. Preston made my life a living hell and all this uncertainty with the league. I mean, PVW shut down, that should've been our death knell and I'm still not quite over that low point.

DJHV: Oooh ... did I tell you that PVW just re-opened?

BJ: WHAT THE *BLEEP*!?

DJHV: Yeah, uh, let's maybe kick it on back to the arena, huh? There's more than just that match, after all.

BJ: Hold on. We have an updated bracket for the tournament reflecting Morientes' advancing to the semifinals.

DJHV: You just love your computer graphics don't ya?

[Graphic on screen!]
___________________________________________________
Tiwilliger | | |
----vs------| | |
Jordan |-----------| |
------------ | |
vs |-----------| |
Foley | | | |
----vs------| | | |
Valentine. |-----------| | |
------------ | |
vs |------------| |
Quesada | | |
----vs------| | |
Mayfield. |-----------| | |
----------- | | |
vs |-----------| |
Morientes | | |
----vs------| Morientes | |
de Vries. |-----------| |
------------ |
_________________________________________________ |
Quarterfinal| semifinal | final | WINNER! | |
---------------------------------------------------

BJ: As we can see here, in the semifinals Antonio Morientes will move on to next week's show to face off against the winner of the Preston Mayfield versus Miguel Quesada match.

[Studio~!]

DJHV: Yeah, go Preston!

BJ: I don't get why you like that guy so much.

DJHV: What? We get along. The man likes to party!

BJ: What? And I don't? I owned a night club for over ten years!

DJHV: You kinda, uh, inherited it from your pops and, well, soon after you took it over ... you started this men-in-tights geekfest in an attempt to "promote" the club ... which is now gone in favor or bleachers and a balcony. Nobody's dancing anymore, Barn!

BJ: Just ... just shut up. Let's see who advances when Logan Foley faces off against Mad Dog Valentine.

*ZZZSSSHHHHZZZSSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHHHHHHTTT*

[ARENA~! The fans are excited for once as DJ Har-V stands up from his seat.]

DJHV: Spinnin' da tunes...

["Surrender" by the Dropkick Murphys plays as a good-sized, well-pierced man with long red hair saunters out from the back, jawwing at the fans on his way to the ring.]

=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=
"Celtic Gentleman" Logan Foley
-vs-
"Mad Dog" Valentine
=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=

DJHV: Yo people, this here is match number two in the HUGE Heavyweight Title Tourney! Give it up first for the man from Dublin, this is the mean side of Ireland, "Celtic Gentleman" Logan Foley!

[The fans who got trash-talked boo while most other people in the audience, still thinking they're seeing Logan's brother Caleb come to the ring, cheer (until they get a better look then they mutter confusedly.]

BJ: Interesting ... reaction to Logan Foley. A recent graduate of the FORGE wrestling academy, Logan is actually the older brother of established superstar Caleb Foley, currently employed by our sister promotion, 3DW.

["Bang Your Head" begins to pound as "Mad Dog" Valentine vsteps out wearing his zebra pattern wrestling pants, red boots with white trim and white tassles. He claps his hands together at the crowd drawing a face pop, his wrists covered with a yellow banadana [left] and a light green bandana right]. A white elbow pad on his right elbow finishes of the look except for the trademark white framed sunglasses of course!]

DJHV: And his opponent, some nut that claims to be from Vegas. Yo, dawg, if you're from Sin City why the hell you in the Mutant Village?

["Mad Dog" scowls for a half second as fans boo Harvey, then barks at the ceiling as he hits the ring. He rolls in under the bottom rope, swirls around in true Hollywood glam style before barking at the crowd at ringside. He takes off his beloved shades and hands them to the ringside help as the music fades.]

DJHV: Anyway, this is "Mad Dog" Valentine! Give it up!

[Foley and Valentine are checked by the referee and then the bell rings.]

BJ: Referee Freddie Jacobs taking no chances as he makes sure that both men in the match are clean. This is a big deal! The winner of this tournament will represent not only HUGE but Strickland Sports; a multinational corporation!

[Circling one another, Foley and Mad Dog lock it up. After a short push war, Foley is shoved backwards, rolling to a half-crouch in the corner as Valentine flexes his massive biceps.]

DJHV: Damn! That ain't no weakling he's pushing around in there!

BJ: Certainly not, Foley's a well-built young man with an impressive power game, but Valentine's just a beast. If there's any man who approaches Kobus de Vries level of strength, it's Mad Dog.

DJHV: Well, he's probably doing a little better than Kobus right now.

BJ: Harvey will you please just show some class.

DJHV: Hey, the doctors say he'll be fine! Y'know, in like 6 months.

[Another lock-up and Foley lands a knee into Valentine's midsection. Mad Dog reverses the ensuing irish whip, ducking a clothesline attempt by Foley, rebounding off the ropes himself and FLYING TACKLE! Foley is sent tumbling from the ring as Mad Dog bounces to his feet, barking at the crowd who chants back at him "Mad Dog!"
Feigning at re-entering the ring, Logan hops back down and points at the advancing Mad Dog, shouting at the referee to "keep him back!" This process repeats itself a few times, Valentine finally gets a hand-full of hair and the referee has to administer the 5-count to make him release. Dropping back to the floor, Foley makes as if to leave the ringside area. Valentine, seeing this, becomes incensed and dives from the ring, giving pursuit. Running, Foley stops abruptly, heaving the ringsteps apart and tossing the top section in Mad Dog's path with a heaving motion! Heel pop!]

*CLANG!*

DJHV: He tripped up the big dog! I can't believe this!

BJ: The referee on the outside chewing Foley out but what can he do? it's not really against the rules to throw steps on the floor! He didn't hit Valentine with the steps!

[Assuring the ref that he can continue, Valentine hobbles to his feet, leaning on the ring apron for support. From inside, Logan kicks him in the temple, breaking the 10-count and getting a face-full of angry referee for his troubles. This process repeats as Foley first hits a European Uppercut on the powerhouse as he ducks inside, then, a third time, he drops Valentine's throat across the top rope. From there he pulls the near limp body of "Mad Dog" Valentine into the ring for a 2-count! The fans start to chant as we cut--]

*ZZZSSSHHHHZZZSSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHHHHHHTTT*

[--to later in the match. Foley has Valentine in a chinlock, repeatedly switching down into a choke hold when the referee's asking Mad Dog if he wants to quit.]

BJ: Foley doing a lot of damage to Valentine. He's taken away Mad Dog's air and his vertical base. With one leg to stand on and a throat that wants to contract shut--

DJHV: That and all the strangling.

BJ: --it looks like Logan Foley is going to take his debut match and advance in the tournament!

[In fact, he looks unconscious and, as the referee lifts his hand once, twice, no reaction, it looks as if he's done until, as his hand falls a third time, he suddenly returns to life! Gritting his teeth, shaking not just the hand that was dropped but both fists, Mad Dog pushes up to his feet!
Holding on, Foley segues into a sleeperhold, but Mad Dog half laps the ring, then SPRINTS into the corner! Foley's head wobbles as his back is crushed against the turnbuckles but doesn't let go! Amazingly, after wobbling his legs cartoonishly, Mad Dog squats down, heaves up, and holds Foley in a fireman's carry position!]

DJHV: Holy crap!

BJ: Airplane spin!

[1, 2, 3, 4 spins and many more! After more than a dozen rotations Mad Dog falls awkwardly to the mat, dropping Foley. Instead of laying still after the low impact maneuver, Foley staggers to his feet, falls, gets back up, collapses against the turnbuckle and stays there, looking ready to lose his lunch.
Slowly, Mad Dog gets up to one knee and Foley charges! Rather than rising to meet him, Mad Dog leaps headfirst into his stomach! Foley is driven back into the turnbuckle! A corner splash by MDV misses and Foley catches him on the rebound with a spinebuster!]

BJ: That's the Celtic Buster! There's the cover!

[A 2-count and Foley tears at his hair in frustration. Trying for another sleeper, Foley is countered into a back suplex! Barking at the fans again, he waits for Foley to get up! Seeing MDV's challenging posture, Foley lays into him with a right hand! Back and forth with vicious right hands, Foley's rage gives him the momentary advantage before a massive HEADBUTT from MDV floors him!]

BJ: More barking! Valentine likes to fight and have fun, you can really see it here!

DJHV: I think that guy might be developmentally disabled or something. Holy crap.

[Rising, Foley answers MDV's advance with an eye rake followed by a chop block. Mounting MDV he just punches the crap out of him then leaps to his feet, shouting obscenities at the crowd as the bigger man clutches at his hurt leg.
Not one to rest on his laurels, Foley then drops him in a shinbreaker then turns MDV over in a single-leg crab!]

*ZZZSSSHHHHZZZSSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHHHHHHTTT*

[Later in the match and Valentine has rebounded somewhat. Hobbling around, he seems unfocused as Foley rises to his feet unsteadily. Both men bleed from minor cuts on their faces and the crowd cheers both of them in spite of Foley's repeated cheating.]

DJHV: Holy crap, why didn't you put a time limit on this crap man?

BJ: It's fine, it's fine. We'll just trim it in editing.

DJHV: No, seriously, these guys are too evenly matched. Somebody's gonna get hurt ... again.

BJ: Don't even say what you're thinking.

DJHV: No, no you're right. Don't mind me!

[Meeting in the middle, the two talk a little trash, then start hammering at each other again! Blood flows anew and, this time, Valentine takes the advantage, jerking Foley into a headlock and BITING HIS FOREHEAD! Jacobs administers the 5-count, shocked at MDV's tactics that, nevertheless, draw the biggest pop of the evening.]

DJHV: Damn! The silly bastard's getting some payback!

[Shoving MDV off, Foley clobbers the referee! Freddie Jacobs tumbles to the outside and Mad Dog instinctively ducks out to check on him. Logan, however, leaves the ring to shove Barney Johnson out of his chair.]

BJ: Hey, HEY! What the *BLEEP* are you doing!? I'm the boss here!

*CLANG!*

[And even more unanswered questions about HUGE's live/pre-recorded/wtf is going on status are opened as Valentine is creamed across the face! Dropping like a stone, Valentine is dead weight as Foley strains to heave him into the ring. Persian import Tariq Abdul Aziz slides into the ring as Valentine is dragged most of the way in, spurting blood from his forehead, and Foley finally manages to cover.]

TAA: ONE!

*SLAP!*

TWO!

*SLAP!*

THREE!

*SLAP~!*

DJHV: WHOA! He beat the big bastard!

BJ: Wait, referee Aziz not calling for the bell!

DJHV: No?

[Putting the bell hammer down, Harvey seems disappointed. Logan Foley claws at his own face in frustration as he realizes that Mad Dog's foot is on the bottom rope! FACE POP! Dropping knees and elbows onto the head and face of Valentine, Foley tries three times for a pinfall win! Getting to his feet, MDV manages to trade punches with Foley on equal terms. Catching a punch, MDV heaves Foley up into a gorilla press! His knee gives out, however, and Foley falls to his feet, ducking under Mad Dog's arm with a Northern Lights Suplex!]

BJ: There's another pinfall attempt by Lo--WHOA!

[Suddenly clutching at his neck, Foley falls to one side, a feral-eyed and crimson masked Valentine having locked on a nasty chancerie. Rolling to his knees, Valentine applies a guillotine choke while trying to jerk Foley to his feet!]

BJ: The crowd is going wild in the HUGE arena! They can't believe the violence these two men have been through here! It's been almost 40 minutes, and--

*CRASH!*

BJ: BRAINBUSTER DDT! Nothing protecting the dome of Logan Foley! Oh my God! Mad Dog Valentine has persevered, AND THERE'S THE THREE-COUNT!

*DING!* *DING!* *DING!*

[Hobbling to his feet to have his hand raised, MDV instead falls to his one good knee as Tariq Abdul Aziz raises his hand in victory.]

DJHV: Holy crap people, I can't believe it any more than you can, but the man they call "Mad Dog" has taken the duke! He's moving onto the semi-finals, he's "Mad Dog" Valentine!

[Rolling from the ring, clearly hurt as well, Logan Foley walks back towards HUGE's Dungeon, getting a loud reaction from fans; some of whom boo him for his tactics but many of whom pat him on the back as he jerks away from them. Looking back at Valentine, the rookie shakes his head, clearly not agreeing with what's happened tonight.]

*ZZZSSSHHHHZZZSSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHHHHHHTTT*

[STUDIO~!]

BJ: That's right, Valentine advances but WHAT a showing by Logan Foley!

DJHV: If by "Showing" you mean "Saw 10; now Scarface can Wrestle", then I'm with ya Barn. That was some NASTY stuff.

BJ: Say what you will about his tactics, but Logan Foley will certainly be a force in HUGE for some time to come. For now, however, let's update the brackets!

DJHV: Oh geez, here we go again.

[Graphic on screen!]
___________________________________________________
Tiwilliger | | |
----vs------| | |
Jordan |-----------| |
------------ | |
vs |-----------| |
Foley | | | |
----vs------| Valentine | | |
Valentine. |-----------| | |
------------ | |
vs |------------| |
Quesada | | |
----vs------| | |
Mayfield. |-----------| | |
----------- | | |
vs |-----------| |
Morientes | | |
----vs------| Morientes | |
de Vries. |-----------| |
------------ |
_________________________________________________ |
Quarterfinal| semifinal | final | WINNER! | |
---------------------------------------------------

[Studio~!]

BJ: And here we see that Valentine will move on to face the winner of Tiwilliger and Jordan in the semifinals.

DJHV: Okie-dokie, that's super. How many times you gonna do this?

BJ: Well, let's see ... four quarterfinal matches, two semis, one final and we have to use the graphic to announce the winner so ... eight!

DJHV: Once for each guy. That's all you had to say man.

BJ: Fans we don't have the biggest time slot here on HUGELive~!, so it's time to send it back to the arena for the next match in the tournament.

*ZZZSSSHHHHZZZSSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHHHHHHTTT*

[Keith John Adams's "Lie" begins to play and Preston Mayfield makes his way down the ring ... but not before groping a few female fans. We can hope they're plants but honestly, who can tell? Following Preston is Kije, the massive African Preston imported for the FORGE student division.]

=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=
"Smooth as Silk" Miguel Quesada
-vs-
Preston Mayfield
=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=

DJHV: Yo people, it's match three in our big-ass Heavyweight Title Tournament, dig? Introducing first, coming to the ring with Kije ... for some reason--

BJ: KIJE!?

DJHV: This is the man from Syracuse, PRESTON MAYFIELD!

BJ: What the hell is Kije doing here? I mean in America! Let alone on my property!

DJHV: Look, just chill man, okay? It's all on the up-and-up.

BJ: Oh God...

["'Til I collapse" by Eminem hammers out over the PA system as the fans go absolutely nuts.]

DJHV: And here's a guy that even I know. He's from Miami, a snappy dresser, and they tell me he's "Smooth as Silk", this is Miguel Quesada!

[Checking both participants, referee Erik Sonenfeld finds them clean (if you can believe that) calls both men to the ceneter so the match can begin.]

BJ: Seriously, why is my former overseer from the diamond mine here?

DJHV: Well, some people thought that, what with Kobus on the shelf, we needed a South-African presence in HUGE.

BJ: WHAT!?

DJHV: Look, I don't know, really! Preston sponsored him for some reason!

BJ: Mayfield, it's always that bastard Mayfield.

[Speaking of, back in the ring, Preston's kind of wobbly as he backs into the corner, begging off from Quesada. The fans boo as Preston acts very nauseous.]

BJ: For God's ... the guy could at least do his job in that ring!

DJHV: I think he's sick or ... hungover or something.

BJ: That doesn't make it better.

[Finally, after assuring the ref that he's able to continue, Mayfield goes to the center of the ring where Sonenfeld explains the rules of the match then calls for the bell.]

*DING!* *DING!* *DING!*

[Lunging, Miguel goes for a collar and elbow but nearly falls on his face as Mayfield is simply gone.]

BJ: What the *BLEEP*!?

DJHV: I, uh, I got nothin'!

[Laying flat on his back where he fell just as the bell rang, Mayfield seems unconscious. Everyone involved is very confused. The fans boo lustily, some going so far as to actually chant "boring!" Finally, Preston waves Miguel in, and, a disgusted look on his face, Quesada puts a foot on Preston Mayfield's chest for the 3-count.]

*DING!* *DING!* *DING!*

DJHV: Hey, uh, folks, your winner on account of Preston laying down for no apparent reason is Miguel Quesada. Uhm, give it up?

[No. More boos. Quesada shakes his head, calling for a microphone.]

MQ: ...

*WHAPP!*

[Suddenly on his feet and swinging a foot-long sex toy, Preston clocks Miguel but good! Knocked from his feet, he covers up on the mat, weathering a (ahem) dildo beating as best he can. Finally, as Preston celebrates his ... whatever he's done, Miguel gets up behind him, spins him around and nails him with a right hand!
Flopping to the mat, Preston pops up, gets knocked down again once, twice, and finally rolls from the ring. Incensed, Miguel grabs Preston by the collar and tries to pull him back in, getting nothing but a nasty, grubby T-shirt for his troubles. Diving outside, Miguel comes face to face with the imposing figure of Kije.]

BJ: I should just expect this kind of nonsense whenever Preston Mayfield is in the building. And he's always in the building! He sleeps here, he's stolen one of my restrooms to use as an office! WHY CAN'T I GET RID OF THIS GUY!?

[Looking semi-confident, Kije withstands Miguel to his face, pounding his chest once to show dominance, Preston at his back, goading him on. Hauling back, Kije's clumsy punch is ducked by Miguel who, in one motion, scoops him up and over in a tombstone piledriver! FACE POP!]

BJ: YES, "REAL SMOOTH"! Yes, break his stupid head!

DJHV: Whoa, uh, Barn, don't get too involved here.

BJ: He held me captive, man! And it wasn't any wrestling thing! I was acting as a corporate agent when they grabbed me!

[Preston's halfway up the aisle when Miguel realizes he's lost the chance to exact revenge for the dildo beating. Instead, dragging the 275-pound beast Kije further away from the ring, he climbs onto the apron, to the top turnbuckle, and LEAPS with a Shooting Star Press! The fans go absolutely nuts as both men bounce and slide across the floor mat! Getting to his feet, Miguel clutches his ribs after the impact. Kije is very still.]

BJ: YES! Thanks so much for coming you monster! Now go get deported or something!

DJHV: Barn, Kije hasn't done anything wrong in this country. He's a student here because the corporation sees something in him. You gotta get past this, man.

[Barney can be seen glaring at Harvey as we cut back to the studio.]

*ZZZSSSHHHHZZZSSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHHHHHHTTT*

BJ: Fans, we had some tense moments there but all is well now. Harvey and I are still friends and Kije ... Kije is still in the competition for FORGE Valedictorian.

DJHV: You're gonna throw up that graphic now aren't you.

BJ: Of course!


[Graphic on screen!]
___________________________________________________
Tiwilliger | | |
----vs------| | |
Jordan |-----------| |
------------ | |
vs |-----------| |
Foley | | | |
----vs------| Valentine | | |
Valentine. |-----------| | |
------------ | |
vs |------------| |
Quesada | | |
----vs------| Quesada | |
Mayfield. |-----------| | |
----------- | | |
vs |-----------| |
Morientes | | |
----vs------| Morientes | |
de Vries. |-----------| |
------------ |
_________________________________________________ |
Quarterfinal| semifinal | final | WINNER! | |
---------------------------------------------------

BJ: Now we can see it's Miguel Quesada taking on Antonio Morientes. Now that should be one for the ages. Morientes has been the franchise for HUGE since it's resurgence in 2008 and Quesada has been in the business, winning titles and making history since the late 1990s.

DJHV: I'm just wondering who the heck's gonna take it to the next round in that first bracket, man. Is it gonna be Tre Jordan against Valentine or Twinkie against Mad Dog number two?

BJ: Oh, good call Harvey! Jordan's been having trouble with Preston Mayfield, Tiwilliger's running buddy, as of late. I'm sure that he'll be out to get a measure of revenge from those two who I think, for some reason, are still calling themselves "Clean Living". Talk about an oxymoron.

DJHV: But moving on, right? How about those kids at the FORGE, huh? We got another one and this guy's got a familiar name, right?

BJ: Oh yeah, right. Fans, let's hear from Ryan Martinez!

*ZZZSSSHHHHZZZSSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHHHHHHTTT*

=FORGE=FORGE=FORGE=FORGE=FORGE=FORGE=
Ryan Martinez
=FORGE=FORGE=FORGE=FORGE=FORGE=FORGE=

[Young, but appearing fiercely determined, Ryan Martinez stands in front of the camera, staring straight ahead, his expression intense.]

RM: My name is Ryan Martinez, and I'm here to tell you something simple. A revolution is coming. Things are going to change, and they're going to change because I'm going to change them.
Honor, respect, loyalty, doing the right thing. These aren't just empty phrases. They're not just something to say to get attention. They're a way of life. They're _my_ way of life. I'm not talking about empty slogans.
I'm talking about a revolution.
I'm young, but age is just a number. Its time to stop doing things the way they've always been done. Its time for all of us to stop taking shortcuts. Its time that we acted like men of integrity, like men who fight for a living.
And make no mistake, I will fight. I will fight until the end to uphold the things I believe in. I'll fight until I can give no more. And every moment, I'll fight with integrity and honor.
A revolution is coming, and I hope you will all join me.

[Having said his piece, Ryan Martinez walks away, as we fade to black.]

*ZZZSSSHHHHZZZSSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHHHHHHTTT*

BJ: A whole heck of a lot of confidence from a very young kid.

DJHV: Uh, yeah, but ... you're not saying ... y'know.

BJ: I just didn't think it was important.

DJHV: Hell yes it is! That's Alex Martinez' kid, man!

BJ: It's his nephew.

DJHV: Bull*BLEEP*, man! That's a cover so he can try to "make it on his own" or some *BLEEP*. I ain't stupid!

BJ: *Sighs...*

DJHV: You're not gonna say anything else about it are you...

[Madly tapping at a keyboard and looking off-camera at something, Barney's eyebrows knit violently as he regains his composure.]

Barney: Wait, what tape are we playing next? him? *sighs* We take you now to the interview room where Cindy Hewitt is standing by with self proclaimed "King of the Crusierweights", the 500-pound Twinkletoes Tiwilliger.

DJHV: Man, why you dodgin'--

*ZZZSSSHHHHZZZSSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHHHHHHTTT*

[BACKSTAGE~!]

Cindy (looking about as happy as roadkill): Barney, with me now is Twinkletoes Tiwilliger. So *sighs* Twinkletoes, you're in the tournament for The HUGE Championship, any thoughts you'd like to share?

Twinkletoes Tiwilliger: Well, Cindy I have been on a roller coaster of emotions since my last match. I was feeling the high from pulling off yet another upset against a giant HUGE felt necessary to send my way,and break me both physically and spiritually. HUGE can't stand that such a small man could become such a big star, and a hero to all the fans, thanks to his determination and dedication to this great sport. A less principled man might have collapsed under such great pressure. But not I, no, not I. I knew all the fans look to me for inspiration to lift their spirits so that they may soar as high as I do above that ring. I couldn't let them down, so I put all their trust in me, and put it on my back and fought and managed to win that match singlehandedly, well thats not true. Yes I won that match, with a big assist from all of the members of the Twinkletoed Nation. When I was in that ring, all the Twinkies were in that ring with me!

Cindy: And the Twinkies normally wear masks and hit people with black dildos?

TT: Yes Cindy its true the Twinkies wear their hearts on their sleeve just like me!

Cindy: Umm, that's not what I asked you, I was asking you-

TT: I know Cindy, you were asking me, what could possibly bring me down after sharing such a great moment with the greatest fans in wrestling. Well Cindy I heard I was entered in a tournament to crown a heavyweight champion for HUGE. I was disgusted, not only does HUGE disrespect its cruiserweights by not having a title for the division, but they also expect us to take part in a tournament with the heavyweights. Not only do they take pleasure in watching fat slobs beat up on cruiserweights, they want to see these slobs beat up the greatest cruiserweight in the sport today, maybe the greatest cruiserweight of all time, that being of course, me.

Cindy: Wow, with all that greatness, how do you manage to be so humble?

TT: Humility is easy when you face the obstacles a man of my size has to face each and every day in this sport. And such an obstacle has been place in my patch yet again. Adding injury to insult, I'm forced to participate in a tournament I'm too small for, against an opponent named Tre Jordan. I look at this guy, and I look at me, and ask myself why would HUGE allow a match with such a mismatch in size take place.

Cindy: For once, Twinkletoes I can actually say I agree with you.

TT: Yes Cindy, the size discrepancy is unbelievable! Why should I have to face a man as large as Tre Jordan, he's a fat slob, I don't know how a man that size can walk around without hurting myself. But a man like that doesn't deserve any sympathy. I've faced men like Tre Jordan before. Tre Jordan is the kind of person who is shifty, cowardly, ruthless, remorseles and worst yet, Mexican!

Cindy: Hey that's offensive!

TT: It is offensive Cindy, putting my health and career on the line against someone like that. But he might have the size, and the strength in this match, but I have the heart, the heart of a champion, and the heart that beats within the chest of each and every Twinkie that lives vicariously through me! I fell their love, I feel their hope and I know that with their love, I will slay Goliath yet again. When they look at me, they don't see their infallible hero, they see themselves. That's right Twinkies, I'm just a great wrestler, a role model, a prime example of clean living, I'm you. It's time for the nation, its time for the common man, its time for the little guy, its time for (shouts at the top of his lungs) Twinkie Power!

[Twinkletoes jumps around and beats his chest before "running" out of the shot.]

[Cindy looks at the camera, reaches inside her pants pocket and prodcues a coin. She flips it in the air and catches it.]

Cindy: Tails? damn! *sighs* Back to you guys.

*ZZZSSSHHHHZZZSSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHHHHHHTTT*

DJHV: Ha-ha, man, I can't get enough of my man Twinkie.

BJ: You mean you could make heads or tails of that?

DJHV: Well yeah!

BJ: So what the heck did we just see?

DJHV: Duh, she flipped a coin.

BJ: No, I mean Tiwilliger's nonsense.

DJHV: But you said heads or tails!

BJ: Ut, I, HE'S ... he's out of touch with reality. For that matter, I still haven't gotten his physical results back. The corporation is cracking down on this stuff.

DJHV: Give it a rest, Barn, relax a little while we see what happened when Twinkletoes meets Tre Jordan.

*ZZZSSSHHHHZZZSSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHHHHHHTTT*

[Arena~! Referee Clive Jones is in the ring.]

=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=
Main Event
"King of the Cruiserweights"
Twinkletoes Tiwilliger
-vs-
Tre Jordan
=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=HUGE=

*ZZZSSSHHHHZZZSSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHHHHHHTTT*

[The mid-90's sounds of "Plowed" by Sponge begins to blare over the PA system and Tre Jordan begins to walk out of the back. Jordan is shirtless (and all the girls are happy) with a pair of wrestling pants that are dark green up the front and back, black on the sides with his last name written on the sides. Behind him, a well dressed old man walks a good deal from him, a walking cane making sure he doesn't run over Jordan. It is Jordan's personal assistant, blind Billy McWilliams, known as Mack. Jordan tries to milk whatever appreciation he may get from the crowd before entering the ring. Hopping over the top rope, Tre catches his toe, but recovers without falling on his face.]

DJHV: Yo, Tre be rusty as all get out, son.

BJ: You are white Harv.

[Coming down to the ring to Pump up the Jam, dancing his clogged heart out, is Twinkletoes Tiwilliger. Slapping the hands of (really just slapping) fans as he makes his way to the ring, TT does not notice Jordan has perched himself on the top rope and is waiting for the "King of the Cruiserweights" to get closer.]

BJ: Jordan laying in wait for the self-proclaimed King of the Cruisers.

DJHV: Yo, wait holmes. I get it. Wait-weight.

BJ: Shut up Harv.

[Jordan launches himself at TT, landing a high cross body block on the "little"
man. TT is moved backwards but not knocked off his feet. Tre gets up, looks really
pissed, and tries to clip the knee of TT. Tiwilliger stumbles forward, having some of that massive girth smack Tre right in the face. Jordan reels back, the fat of TT clubbing him like a fist.]

DJHV: Who knew fat could be so dangerous!

BJ: Wait, what? A sentence from you that didn't have some stereotypical "street" phrase?

DJHV: Shut up Barn.

[The referee, waiting for an actual bell to ring, is leaning against the ropes watching Tre Jordan running around slapping Twinkletoes. Double T burps at Jordan, missing his Twinkling mist. Jordan lands several kicks, which make TT's fat ripple. TT is not amused and he backhands Jordan, angering the Canadian further. Insults fly as Jordan keeps yelling: "Go down you fat *BLEEP*".]

BJ: Nice censor there Harv.

DJHV: It's all good in this hizzay.

BJ: Shut up Harv.

[Finally, the two manage to make it in the ring. Jordan tries a higher angled cross body block but TT is still a nigh immovable lump of lard. TT catches Jordan and is trying to slam him to the mat but Tre flails around and that movement is tipping Twinkletoes over. Tiwilliger drops Tre onto the mat, stomach first, then proceeds to sit on Jordan. Oh, and the bell finally rings.]

*DING!* *DING!* *DING!*

DJHV: Oh, yeah, the bell. My bad!

BJ: I thought we could afford someone to ring that bell full time.

DJHV: Oh we can, Biggie Barn. You lookin' at da new fulltime HUGE bell ringa!

BJ: God damn it.

[Jordan is turning a bit blue but from out of the back comes a French waiter. This
elicits a Pavlovian response in the "littlest man in wrestling" as TT rushes to grab some of those tinfoil swans. Tre, gasping for air, almost barfs in the ring
thanks to the pressure that was on his stomach.]

BJ: How did we go from a 40-minute epic slugfest to this nonsense!

DJHV: It's LCD, Barn! Lowest Common Denominator! Oh yeah, the wrestling nerds will tune in for this wrass-uh-lin' biz-nass, but the rest of the people want Jerry Springer meets reality TV drama! Whooo! BAR-NEE, BAR-NEE, BAR-NEE!!!

BJ: Stop it!

[Tre has little time to enjoy a rest though, as from out of the back comes a man in a mesh belly shirt, terrycloth hotpants, rollerblades, a rubber tube tied around his left arm with a needle sticking out and a Tracy Hudson mask on... oh, yeah, and a giant floppy black (and digitally censored) phallus in his right hand.]

BJ: DAMN IT PRESTON!

*from in the audience*: KIJE!

[Tracy Hudson Mask rushes into the ring and promptly gets a kick to the gut from Tre while the referee is trying to stop TT from bringing those delicious French foods in the ring. Jordan slides out of the ring, chasing after a retreating Tracy Hudson Mask. The French waiter tries to sneak up from behind Jordan and clock him over the head with the serving tray, but Jordan turns around. The waiter is in tears, raising a white handkerchief and begging for his life. Jordan is about to kick him in the face when *SMACK* right in the back of the head with a big black dong!]

BJ: In the name of all that is holy how does he keep getting away with this *BLEEP!?*

[Staggering away from THM (actually Preston Mayfield), Tre finds his way back into the ring as his assailant ducks behind a corner of the ring to avoid detection. Meanwhile Tiwilliger, croissant in one hand, charges, flooring the stunned Jordan with a massive clothesline!]

BJ: And before we even get out of the gates, Preston Mayfield has derailed this competition!

[Croissant crammed down his gullet, Tiwilliger slowly rebounds off the ropes and DROPS a leg right where Tre had just been! Face pop! A basement dropkick puts the seated super-heavyweight on his back!]

DJHV: Twinkling-Top-Rope-Guillotine-Leg-Drop misses!

BJ: Seriously? You just memorize the names of the stupid moves?

DJHV: What? That's what he calls it!

[Seeing his opponent, bread sticking out of his mouth, stuck on his back like a turtle, Jordan heads to the apron. Still groggy, climbing to the top, Jordan shakes the cobwebs off as best he can and gives a high sign to the crowd.]

BJ: Looks like he's going for Tre Jordan's Japanese Move!

DJHV: Is that a better name for a move? I'm just askin' since you seem to know so much better than me.

BJ: Give it a rest. Wha--MAYFIELD AGAIN!?

[Up on the apron, Preston again interferes, this time grabbing onto Jordan's leg. A kick to the face knocks Preston's "Tracy Hudson Mask" askew and he falls to his roller skates, rolling rapidly into the guardrail all while trying to hide his true identity (from absolutely nobody).]

BJ: Here it comes! Jordan is gonna fly! AIR JORDAN!

DJHV: I thought it was his Japanese Move?

[Leaping, Jordan spins impressively, doing both a 450 degree rotation and a 360 degree twist--right into Tiwilliger's foot! HEEL POP!]

BJ: NO! Twinkling Wizard! Jordan flops to the mat! All that momentum, all of his weight right onto that fat bastard's foot! His ribs could be broken!

[Foaming at the mouth, Tre gasps for air as Tiwilliger struggles from his back to his side and the referee moves into position to count. From there, it's elementary.]

*DING!* *DING!* *DING!*

DJHV: Yo people, he's big, he's fat and he lives in a world where 500 pounds is considered svelte, it's TWINKLETOES TIWILLIGER and he's going on to the semi-finals of the HUGE Heavyweight Title Tourney! Give it up!

[The fans boo roundly as the Waiter and Tracy Hudson Mask help the massive fat man to his feet and a trainer checks on Jordan who now lays in a fetal position. Unseen amid all this chaos, Mack, Jordan's friend and confidant finds his way inside. Although he can't see, he puts his hands on Jordan's face and talks to him, presumably to soothe what must be a great disappointment.]

*ZZZSSSHHHHZZZSSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHHHHHHTTT*

A Strickland Sports Company, © 2010 RTN International. All rights reserved.

Credits.
--------
Morientes/de Vries - Pedro Boyd.
Jordan/Tiwilliger - David Olvera.
Everything else - Moze.
And it was at this moment that the entire world realized, in unison, that tandem bicycles were AWESOME~!
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