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Coming To Your Neighbourhood; A Frank Wilkes RP
Topic Started: Feb 8 2011, 12:37 PM (420 Views)
Vile Side
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Keith
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Since SPW isn't posting anymore, I figured I'd throw up my one shot masterpiece for archive purposes.
-Geoff

*******************
Shootfire Pro Wrestling

PROUDLY Presents

“Registered Sex Offender”

F R A N K W I L K E S

in

“Coming To Your Neighbourhood”



[The picture shakes as our videographer moves through a busy playground towards today’s interview subject. Viewers feel their stomachs knot up as the image straightens out on the swings. Frank Wilkes, the registered sex offender, is handing some flyers out to a few of the children. He says something the kids find quite funny. To a certain age group Frank Wilkes is hopelessly charming. You loyal shootfire fans have a hard time figuring out what the company sees in this deviant. It doesn’t take long before some concerned parents approach the jovial middle aged man entertaining their progeny. Wilkes looks up to them with a fistful of flyers and a WINNING SMILE. It is this less threatening scene which starts our program.]

Frank Wilkes: Hi there! <points thumb> Adorable kids... yours? You must be very proud. I was just telling <pointing at the youngest boy> Terry here, that I’m a wrestler. The group I’m working with is putting on a big event on the 27th, should be a hell of a show!

[The adults seem to soften a little as Wilkes hands them fliers, finding him less menacing and more irritating.]

Frank Wilkes: Shootfire Pro... <broad smile> it’s FUN for the whole family!

Terry’s Dad: That does look like fun, doesn’t it Terry? We’ll be down there. <holds up flyer> Thanks.

Frank Wilkes: Looking forwards to seeing you!

[Another potential customer sold, Wilkes will win them all over, one at a time. The birds really are singing. This grass roots campaign seems to be drawing in a lot of customers. SPW will see what a valuable asset Wilkes is, the good he can do for society. HANG ON! Frank stops dead in his tracks, then spins around to caution the departing family...]

Frank Wilkes: OH. <cringe> By the way...

[Terry and his parents turn back with polite, if pained, smiles.]

Frank Wilkes: I’m only telling you this because I’m required to by law, and it in no way represents the content of our show, but I _am_ a registered sex offender.

[Smiles fade. CUT. Frank Wilkes has a black eye. The assault doesn’t dampen his sunny disposition, as he continues his grass roots campaign to make Charity Carnage the SPW show of the year. Standing offside on a basketball court, Frank watches the boys dribble while attempting to strike up conversations with other bystanders.]

Frank Wilkes <grin>: ...The eye’s just a hazard, of the job. See, I’m a professional wrestler. We’re actually putting on a show in Times Square this week <extends flyer> perhaps you’d like to come on down...

Woman: I can’t stand violence.

Frank Wilkes <smug grin>: It’s nothing like the martial arts you see on TV, it’s very tame. No scantily clad women in cat fights, or blood... family entertainment at its finest!

[She looks reassured, almost thoughtful as she looks over the flyer. Another fan converted? Frank hates to shatter the illusion, but then, he must follow the letter of the law.]

Frank Wilkes <sigh>: By the way...

[CUT. Frank Wilkes stares out onto a skating rink, watching some boys play hockey. He now has two black eyes. One of the hockey dad’s standing next to Wilkes shouts instructions from the sidelines. “Lean into him!” The dad is a very excitable character who strikes our humble protagonist as just the type of man who could really get behind the blood lust in wrestling.]

Frank Wilkes <holding out flyer>: Might enjoy taking your son out to this...

Hockey Dad <dismissive>: You one of them?

Frank Wilkes <how does he know? ...oh he’s talking about the sport, double take>: Oh, yes, I’m one of the wrestlers... should be a hell of a show.

Hockey Dad: What’s your name?

Frank Wilkes <extending his hand>: Frank Wilkes.

Hockey Dad: Never heard of you... who are you fighting?

Frank Wilkes <...retracting hand>: Oh, well, I’m in a battle royal. All sorts of great Shootfire Pro stars are competing in it. <chuckle> I don’t like my chances, I tell you what. Why we have DEATHKNELL! <no reaction> That’s a guy’s name. Haven’t heard of him? How about Owen Cage? No? Cash Banks? ...Their not all made up. Thomas Harrison? Harrison. With an H. He has a brother. ...Or Billie Palmer? ...Well... what about Essex, have you heard of him?

Hockey Dad: ...Sussex? I think so.

Frank Wilkes: Sure. Who hasn’t heard of Essex? He’s terrific. Was a big star over in the IGA... their world champion a dozen times over. He wore a mask with us for awhile, didn't exactly set the world on fire, but over there HUGE STAR. Won all sorts of royal rumbles... probably the odds on favourite. I know I had his poster on my wall back in prison. Should put on an absolutely _fantastic_ show for the whole family.

Hockey Dad <furrowed brow>: Wait... this is SPW, right? If he’s a big star in the IG...whatever. If he’s a big star there, what’s he doing in SP...W?

Frank Wilkes: OH. Well they went out of business. Incredibly bad gates towards the end of it. No real interest. Couldn’t sell a pay per view to save their lives, let alone a television show. ...But that can’t be blamed on Essex. Oh, Essex was the world champion, sure... center of all their shows. But it wasn’t his fault. He’s _fabulous_ I swear!

Hockey Dad <it’s a fair cop>: Well, it sounds like a fun time. Might encourage my boy to <turning to ice> THROW DOWN MORE OFTEN... Thanks...

[Score another fan for the big event! At this rate, even in a blizzard, SPW is going to have a capacity crowd in Time Square. Dick Clark eat your heart out...]

Hockey Dad <hang on...>: Wait... did you say you were in prison?

[CUT. Frank Wilkes has a splint over his broken nose. His eyes seem to be swelling more, if that’s even possible. Wilkes might not make it to Charity Carnage at this rate, but he’s doing his best to get asses in seats... well... standing in the crowd. Hell, the vicious beatings Wilkes is suffering just helps him sell kayfabe. Handing out flyers outside a McDonald’s playroom, Frank continues to exonerate the virtues of his opponents...]

Frank Wilkes: Joe Petrow is CRAZY! They don’t get much crazier than Joe... you think you know crazy, but you don’t know Joe. He spells psychotic with an s. On his merchandise. Can you believe it?! He’s... out there. An S! Legend in our sport!

Young Mother <showing the flyer to her child>: Well it is close by...

Frank Wilkes <looking around>: What a wonderful neighbourhood. I’ve been thinking of settling down around here.

Young Mother: Well, my husband’s in real estate...

Frank Wilkes <nodding>: It’d be very convenient, as I’m not really supposed to leave the state...

[CUT. How did Frank break his arm? Be careful Frank! Left arm in a sling, Wilkes is having a harder time handing out flyers, so is preying on the less mobile pedestrians. In this case, the Muslim owner of a newspaper stand, who’s in the middle of his prayers...]

Frank Wilkes: Now, Dirty Dog Unique Allah... he’s a hell of a character. He once got knocked through a number of tables, so we let him get away with murder. <shrug> Not for everyone... a little offensive... slightly blasphemous... certainly, not for the politically correct, but a hell of a wrestler.

Muslim Street Vendor <getting up from the ground>: ...And what is it you do?

Frank Wilkes <cringe>: I’m a convicted sex offender.

[CUT. Frank Wilkes is wrapped up in so much gauze; he’s starting to look like the Mummy. Be careful Frank, soon the kids will think you’re some kind of monster. Standing outside Macy’s toy department, Wilkes continues to talk up the show to anyone who will listen...]

Frank Wilkes: Eddie Christian used to be a bit of a gangbanging stereotype... <you’re starting to lose them, act positive> but he’s really turned his life around. <everyone smiles and nods... good> ...Which you see, I’m hoping to do as well... since...

[CUT. Why do you need crutches Frank? Could that be your weapon in the battle royal? SPOILER ALERT! Maybe. The crutches don’t tread well in the slush, as Wilkes attempts to hobble up a snow bank towards some little children making snowmen...]

Frank Wilkes <struggling, yells up>: ...And we have mystery men too! WHO LIKES SURPRISES!

[...That was rather loud. Why don’t you just ask them to pull the flyers out of your pocket? Dumb move. Wilkes could just slap himself silly... but he’s not a pervert. Anymore. He swears. Did anyone else hear that? An elderly couple stare up from a bench, where they feed pigeons. Maybe he can talk his way out of this? A warm smile isn’t returned.]

Frank Wilkes: ...I don’t have any surprises on my person...

[CUT. Frank Wilkes lies face first in the snow... earlier, his flailing arms created a snow angel. Is he dead? The cameraman prods Wilkes with his foot... no reaction. Again. Wilkes rolls onto his side, coughing hoarsely. A walker has left large impressions over his forehead, a number of lacerations as well. Wilkes seems to have run out of flyers... or maybe they blew away while he was unconscious? Grabbing one of the crutches, Wilkes slowly forces himself up to his knee... then stands up. Brushing off his pants with the non-slinged arm, Wilkes smiles at the camera...]

Frank Wilkes: Hello SPW. I’ve just been spreading the word on the street about our big show on the 27th... <flinch> just trying to do my part to make the big show special. I’m really looking forwards to the battle royal... I know I don’t stand a chance of winning, but it means a lot to be a part. I mostly work on the independent circuits these days... I’m happy if the backyard wrestler I’m working with knows a wristlock... so Dave Pietka? <grin> It’s a dream come true. I know I have a certain stigma attached to me... so it means the _WORLD_ that SPW was willing to take a chance on me. Who cares about a title shot? This is a SECOND CHANCE at life. I’m going to go out there, give it my all... maybe... just maybe... when it’s all over people will look at me...

And _instead_ of going...

“There’s Frank Wilkes --- The filthy pervert... hide your kids, hide your wife! He’s a registered sex offender you know... don’t let that disgusting deviant out of the tri-state area! Quick honey, call the cops!”

INSTEAD of that... they’ll think.

“Frank Wilkes... Shootfire Pro Wrestling.”

[That can’t have gone over well with officials. Staring up at the clouds, Wilkes hopes he helped the turnout today. So everyone can witness his dream becoming a reality.]

Frank Wilkes: ...Today was an important step towards-----



“THERE HE IS!”



[Looking down the hill, Wilkes sees an elderly woman pointing him out to some cops. A large group of passersby, many from earlier in this promo, have joined the uniformed officers. It’s cold, so you understand the flaming torches, but who carries a pitchfork in New York City!? Not very urban. The angry mob starts racing towards our put-upon protagonist...]



“GET HIM!”



[...Then again, it might take more than a few public appearances to lose the stigma. Wilkes starts to apologize to the cameraman for cutting this short, but then sees how quickly the mob moves. The Registered Sex Offender pushes his way out of the picture, leaving only the quickly approaching horde in frame. Frank Wilkes, what crazy adventure will you get up to next time?]

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brlysis
Milk-Chan
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This is brilliant! I might have to start following SPW again.
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Vile Side
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Keith
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Thanks Rich,
Sadly Shootfire hasn't embraced RSO with the level of enthusiasm one would expect, so I'll continue to search for a league where a convicted sex offender could be king. If that's not a request for a VXW return, I don't know what is. :D
-Geoff
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ICE CUBE
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today was a good day
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Vile Side,Feb 10 2011
06:41 PM

Sadly Shootfire hasn't embraced RSO with the level of enthusiasm one would expect,



Motherfucker.



That's it, SPW needs to prepare for some...


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Picky
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Now let us retreat wench, for tonight, we feast on snobbery...
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Vile Side,Feb 10 2011
03:41 PM
Thanks Rich,
Sadly Shootfire hasn't embraced RSO with the level of enthusiasm one would expect, so I'll continue to search for a league where a convicted sex offender could be king. If that's not a request for a VXW return, I don't know what is. :D
-Geoff

VXW?
Have I told you how much I loathe your continued existence today?

Proud member of the Quote Pyramid Builders Union Local #317
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Vile Side
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Keith
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Rich's Vegas Xtreme Wresling... later Outlaw Vegas... Wild Bill was their champ, which is as close to having a sex offender as a JTF league will.

No, our quest for an illusive comedy fed continues David. :(
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Picky
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Now let us retreat wench, for tonight, we feast on snobbery...
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Vile Side,Feb 10 2011
07:19 PM
Rich's Vegas Xtreme Wresling... later Outlaw Vegas... Wild Bill was their champ, which is as close to having a sex offender as a JTF league will.

No, our quest for an illusive comedy fed continues David. :(

HUGE is on another hiatus but Preston Mayfield wasn't a registered sex offender, so...
Have I told you how much I loathe your continued existence today?

Proud member of the Quote Pyramid Builders Union Local #317
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brlysis
Milk-Chan
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Thanks, a registered sex offender would probably been a face in VXW. Was Wild Bill really that bad?
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