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[MBC/UWF] Rampage Bloody Rampage - 10-23-10; Aka Slush Is Number Four
Topic Started: Mar 3 2011, 01:09 PM (300 Views)
KliqerT
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Doughy
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Fade up from black, to an electric New Orleans Arena where things are
already on the verge of happening.]

DR: Hello ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Rampage Bloody Rampage here in
New Orleans. Everyone's on edge, as moments-

Skullhead: A few moments ago everyone was informed of a change
in the lineup, we're apparently going to start off the show with a
contract signing for Heaven and Hell.

SS: Snore.

Slush: Double snore.

AM: Despite the fact you claim you'll be bored to the point of sleeping,
somehow I suspect you'll still chime in with idiotic comments.

SS: Don't hate, Amy. Don't hate.

Slush: Free love is all the rage, don't you know?

Tinkle: MEEP!

Slush: Silence, baby eater!

DH: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome UWF Commissioner ALLISON
CHAMBERS!

[Without much fanfare or even the sanctity of an entrance theme, UWF
Commissioner Allison Chambers appears through the entrance way. The fans
give her a warm welcome, even with more than a few whistles and cat calls
thrown in. The smartly dressed woman is all business though, wasting no
time in getting to the ring. She thanks Debbie Henshall upon her passing
of the house microphone and clears her throat, off mic of course, before
speaking.]

AC: Thank you all, you're too kind. As advertised, tonight we have a
contract signing for a feature attraction at Heaven and Hell.

[Oh did I not say? There is table already set up in the middle of the
ring! I swear, that ring crew is like a herd of ninjas! Or is it flock of
ninjas? School of ninjas? Pod?]

AC: With me is the contract, ready to be signed. So I'd like to ask the
first of our signees to come down. Please welcome...

GAMMA RAY!

[While Chambers isn't a fan of the Irradiated One by any means, she still
announces his name with enthusiasm. A pseudo-military procession of
masked men in protective riot gear file out of the entrance to survey the
aisle and stage as Jonas "Dutch" Elm, Oz Rivera, Jack Tunney and Gamma
Ray make their way to the ring. As he walks down the aisle, the
Irradiated One speaks into a microphone he brought with him.]

GR: Alright, listen up.

I've seen what always happens during one of these things, and I would
really rather have this one go smoothly. Don't think we haven't noticed
the growing unrest among all those fanatical MBC freaks over the months.

SS: Preach it!

Slush: Hey!

SS: You have to admit it, you're all freaks.

Slush: [sigh] The truth does hurt...

[Gamma Ray climbs the steps, and, from the apron, points at the table in
the ring.]

GR: This is a contract signing can be done in an orderly, civilized
manner.

[Along with his acolytes, the Irradiated One steps into the ring through
the ropes and continues his address as he reaches the table.]

GR: I don't want anything or _anybody_ to interfere with Kyle Lee adding
his signature next to my own. The MBC is already in its death throes,
and, as desperation sets in, its freaks might be tempted to go out in
some futile blaze of glory... So before any of you [BLEEP]ing bastards
back there get any ideas...

[The Guard leader snaps his fingers, and Jonas Elm seizes Allison
Chambers, who protests the rough treatment. The giant Dutchman doesn't
harm her, but it's clear she couldn't fight the mullet no matter how hard
she tried. If the crowd boos ever louder. But that doesn't seem to
disturb James Tunney as he examines every page of the match contract on
the table.]

AC: Let me go!

GR: Shut up, [BLEEP].

[Gamma Ray turns back to address the general backstage area.]

GR: If the MBC freaks, or Kyle Lee, or anyone else, try any funny
business, the Guard can't be held responsible for what happens to the
Chambers [BLEEP] as a result. And before you think I'm bluffing, let me
remind you that this fawning sycophant in a tailored suit has
deliberately cost me the UWF Heavyweight Championship, just so she could
hand it over to Lee's puppet.

[The Irradiated One approaches Allison Chambers, still firmly trapped in
Elm's powerful clutch.]

GR: ...And she actually thinks she's gonna get away with it.

[He softly, insultingly pats the commissioner's cheek... She scowls, but
Gamma Ray ignores her to continue his address.]

GR: So you circus side-show bastards just go ahead and give me a reason
to get a small amount of righteous retribution.

Go ahead.

Or, if you want things to run as smoothly as I do... You can let Kyle Lee
come out here, alone, and let him sign his own death warrant.

...Speaking of the devil incarnate...

[The owner and President of the UWF/MBC comes through the pathway under
the Megatron. There is no music. There is no pyrotechnic splendor. Only a
man clearly pissed off that his future opponent is making this a very
difficult situation. Lee stops short of the ring, examining the numbers
and, most likely, all the avenues of attack. But Chambers being in the
middle of all this, and in the clutches of the mulleted monster Jonas Elm
no less, complicates things immensely.]

SS: He'd be a fool to get in that ring.

Slush: Hey look! He's getting in the ring!

SS: Totally called it.

AM: Foolish? I guess, but Lee's not going to risk somebody getting hurt
on his account.

SS: You know his history. He's stepped on people for less.

[As Lee sets both feet within the confines of the ring, he surveys those
around him; Oz Rivera, Allison Chambers struggling in Elm's powerful
hands, and Jack Tunney who, now done going over the contract details,
nods approvingly at the Irradiated One. Lee and Gamma Ray exchange steely
glares. The many Guardsmen stand strong, ready to react at the drop of a
dime.

Addressing Lee, Gamma Ray motions towards the contract Tunney places on
table.]

GR: Go ahead, sign it.

[Lee checks on Allison again, her safety clearly his first concern. The
threat of bodily harm is imminent but he'll not risk it. Demonstrating a
silent and calm rage, Lee glowers at the Irradiated One, then bends over
the table to sign his name on the contract.]

Skullhead: Too late to turn back, now. Kyle Lee will be stepping inside
that steel cage, and back into action, at Heaven and Hell!

[As Lee backs away, Gamma Ray approaches the table, picks up the fountain
pen, and adds his own name to the contract.]

Skullhead: The match is signed and official. God help both of them.

SS: That went surprisingly well...

AM: You do realize Allison Chambers is still being held hostage, right?

[James Tunney takes possession of the signed match contract, and
carefully slips it into a briefcase, which he takes out of the ring and
up the ramp under close Guard escort. Even without those few Guardsmen,
the numbers are still overwhelmingly in Gamma Ray's favor. Making sure
not to make any sudden movements, Lee picks up the house microphone
dropped by Allison Chambers.]

KL: OK. No one interrupted us, and the contract is signed. ...You can let
Allison go, now.

[Gamma Ray glares at Lee, nods, then gestures towards Jonas Elm. The
Dutchman releases the UWF commissioner, and she hurries to Kyle Lee's
side, dusting her sleeves.]

AM: That... that went even smoother than I imagined!

SS: Finally, a peaceful, orderly contract signing. Death to the cliche!

[Allison turns to leaves, but hesitates. She turns back, and approaches
Gamma Ray to speak her mind. Lee knows no good can come of this. The
whole arena knows no good can come from this.]

AC: Just to be clear, I didn't just hand DaMann the title. ... And I
never cost you anything you didn't cost yourself. But hear this.

[She pokes a finger into Gamma Ray's chest, and the masked man's eyes
dilate.]

AC: There's absolutely no chance in Hell you ever become the World
Heavyweight Champion if-...

[In a single swift motion, Gamma Ray bends down, picks up Allison over
his shoulder as if for a back bodydrop, and abruptly sits down to drive
the UWF commissioner's skull straight into the hard canvas~!

For a handful of seconds that feel like hours, shock completely mutes
announcers and crowd alike as the rest of Allison Chambers' limp, inert
body falls to the mat.

AM: Holy...

Skullhead: IONIZER!! Oh my God! He took out the commissioner with the
Ionizer!

AM: What kind of man would _DO_ this??

SS: You have to admire the effectiveness of this move, though.

Skullhead: Kyle Lee's not gonna let that one slide!

[When the split second of paralyzing shock subsides, Lee shoves Guardsmen
out of the way, charges in and boots the Irradiated One in the face and
falls on top of him with a flurry of punches and forearms!

The crowd erupts with cheers as Lee's clenched fist connects with the
side of Gamma Ray's face repeatedly. They start to count as if every hit
was a hit for justice! The Guards rush in to pull Lee off, but the
Doomsayer, his rage overflowing, takes them all out one by one! With the
Guardsmen no longer on top of him, Lee spear tackles a recovering Gamma
Ray to the mat. Again, the fists fly with fury! The fans fuel Lee with
their frenzied, riotous support!]

Skullhead: HE'S BEATING THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF GAMMA RAY!

[One would expect the massive Mayor of Mulletville to step in and put a
violent end to the confrontation. But it seems Elm knows a physical
confrontation won't do the trick.

"Dutch" is wiser than he lets on.

With a whistle, he summons Guardsmen to his side...

...and around the prone Allison Chambers.

With a raise of his hand, so went the many batons.]

AM: NO! That's just... LOW!

Skullhead: Elm just ordered the mother of all beatdowns on Allison
Chambers!

AM: ...And he knows Kyle will fall for it! The man's a monster!

Slush: For a wookie, Elm sure is evil.

[Nothing could be more correct. Seeing what is about to happen in the
corner of his eyes, Kyle Lee pauses. This gives Gamma Ray the opening he
needs to land a fierce punch to Lee's jaw, knocking him over. Rather than
resume his attack on Gamma Ray, Lee scurries to cover Allison as the
batons come down. intended for the commissioner, the boots and clubs now
strike the President, the sickening sounds a cacophony of violence.]

AM: ...This is sickening.

[As the Guard stomp Lee into the ground, Gamma Ray pulls himself
together. Meanwhile, Oz Rivera leaves the ring only to take up a steel
chair and slip back inside the ring. Jonas Elm sees his cohort coming and
steps aside, giving Oz the opening he requires...

THWACK~!

THWACK~!

THWACK~!

One after another, Oz mercilessly swings the chair into Kyle Lee's back.
Looking on from the side, the Irradiated One smirks, admiring the work of
his allies, a sinister look of self-satisfaction etched on his face.

Gamma Ray takes Oz's dented chair and places it on the mat before pulling
Lee up. He applies a front face lock, hooks a leg, lifts him up... and
slams Lee upper-back first on the flattened steel with a Northern Lights
Bomb!]

Skullhead: And there's a Neutrino Bomb! An unforgiving move on the mat,
but on a chair...

AM: At the risk of sounding repetitive... This is sickening.

[The inert Lee is given no time to recover. Elm picks up the unresponsive
deadweight Kyle Lee has become, drags him towards the table, then hoists
the President over his shoulders and... the table explodes in a cloud of
wooden shrapnel as Lee crashes through it!]

DR: TREE CUTTER, good grief!

[Sprawled among the broken pieces of wood, Lee isn't moving. Allison
Chambers still hasn't shown any visible signs of life. The fans... well,
all they can do is voice their discontent.]

AM: These men... is there anyone more loathsome than these men?

SS: Sure there is.

AM: Who.

Slush: Tom Landis?

[While most of the Guards start to leave, a few medics tentatively make
their way towards the ring, giving Elm and Oz the widest berth they can.
Meanwhile, Gamma Ray picks up the fallen microphone before stepping up to
the President, bestriding him.]

GR: You're the Prophet, the Doomsayer.... You should have seen the
writing on the wall.

Mene, Mene, Tekel, Upharsin.

[The divine prophecy detailed in the book of Daniel... The Irradiated One
crouches over Lee.]

GR: No one can stop me, Lee, no one.

[Serenely, Gamma Ray walks back up the ramp with the rest of his
Guardsmen, letting the medics check on Kyle Lee while others securely
immobilize Allison Chamber's neck. The prognostic begins to look even
worse when two gurneys are rolled down to the ring...

And abruptly we fade into the opening sequence shared by both UWF and MBC
wrestlers, "Sound of Madness" by Shinedown plays. Soon though it gives
way to the opening graphics:]

________ __ __ ____
| ___ \ ______ | \ / || _ \ ______ _____ _____
\ \__| \ / ___ || \/ || | \ \ / ___ | / ___ \ | ___|
\ __ // /___| || |\ /| || |_/ // /___| | / / /_/ | |_
\ \ \ \ \ ___ || | \/ |_|| __/ \ ___ || | ___ | _|
\_\ \ \ \ \ | ||_| | | \ \ | || | |_ || |_______
\_\ \_\ |_| |_| \_\ |_| \ \___| ||_________\
______ \_____/
| _ | __ ____ ____ _____ _ _
| |/ / / / / _ \ / _ \\ \ / \ / \
| _ \ / / / / / // / / // /\ \\ \/ /
| |/ // /___/ /_/ // /_/ // /_/ / \ /
|____//_____/\____/ \____//______/ | |
________ __ __ ____ | /
| ___ \ ______ | \ / || _ \ ______ |/____ _____
\ \__| \ / ___ || \/ || | \ \ / ___ | / ___ \ | ___|
\ __ // /___| || |\ /| || |_/ // /___| | / / /_/ | |_
\ \ \ \ \ ___ || | \/ |_|| __/ \ ___ || | ___ | _|
\_\ \ \ \ \ | ||_| | | \ \ | || | |_ || |_______
\_\ \_\ |_| |_| \_\ |_| \ \___| ||_________\
\_____/ 10-23-10
Hour One
New Orleans Arena in New Orleans, Louisiana

[But instead of rejoining the live proceedings in the ring we instead go
to a taped piece. Cut suddenly to a slightly out-of-focus shot of a
woman with dirty blonde hair pulled in a ponytail sitting down and
wearing a pink babydoll t-shirt that emphasizes her "assets". Due to the
(lack of) quality of the shot -- probably from either a webcam or a
cellphone camera -- it's difficult to make out where this is happening or
who this young woman is...

...until she opens her mouth.]

Nikki: HIIII~!!!!! [waving and jiggling]

[Yep. Nikki the Cat remembered she had a YouTube account. God help us
all.]

Nikki: Ohmigawd! Ok, so like first off THANK YOU to all my wonderful
fans out there who sent me like a literal TON of e-mails saying how
awesome I was for kicking Brianna Landis' ass last time out! I mean,
GAWD, could you believe that skank?! And I was like, doing her a favor,
y'know?

[There's a certain look in Nikki's eyes and smile that leads one to
believe she actually believes the BS she's spewing right now. If she
actually has fans who follow her, we reiterate: God help us all.]

Nikki: And that loser Moe lying and saying that I could get arrested or
something?! [She twirls a strand of hair around a finger] TOTALLY NOT
COOL! Nobody ever gets arrested for crap like that! And it's not like
the French are important or anything. Expect maybe that Napoleon guy but
he's like dead so who cares?!

[Nikki's voice trails off as if lost in thought. Let's be honest,
that's not too hard for her. She shrugs as a perky grin pops up on her
face.]

Nikki: So YEAH! Like anyway, it's TOTALLY obvious that Brianna is just
jealous of me and like all Landises -- Landii? [She shakes her head
before she gets lost in thought again] Whatever, like all her family is
just a bunch of skaggy-loser-retards anyway who fall in love with ugly
French morons. I mean, she only interrupted me 'cause IT' S SO OBVIOUS
her panties are wet for Sylhouette [quick grimace] and she's gotta lezz
it up with the smelly French fat-ass 'cause Luke Kinsey's got a small
dick and he can't get it up anyway!

[Nikki's grin gets wider as she seems especially proud of that example of
"cutting wit".]

Nikki: So anyway, thanks for watching me! I get to kick Brianna's loser
ass again! YAY! GO ME! And Juan, I hope you're watching 'cause this
one's gonna be for you!

[She blows a kiss and flashes a V for victory.]

Nikki: BYYYYYYE!~!!!!! [waving and jiggling]

[And mercifully the clip stops. We return to the ring now and for a
brief moment we can see that both Kyle Lee and Allison Chambers are still
being attended to. Chambers in particular is being secured onto a
backboard and loaded onto a stretcher. Cut to the UWF side of the
announce team.]

DR: Fans, welcome back. I don't know what we can say that hasn't already
been said about that vicious and disgusting assault by Gamma Ray and the
Guard at the top of the program. We don't know much about the condition
of the owner of the UWF or his commissioner, but as we can clearly see it
doesn't look good.

SS: Yeah but Lee's not getting out of that pay-per-view match because he
has a boo-boo. Gamma Ray got the contract signed before he dropped the
dime, as it were.

AM: I suppose I can understand him trying to soften Kyle up before Heaven
and Hell. Kyle's been through enough wars, hell he was probably
expecting something like this to go down. But he put his hands on
Allison Chambers and may have severely injured a woman that's had no
training in the ring!

SS: She mouthed off to him.

AM: And that was a reason to drive her head into the mat?!? She handles
Kyle's business affairs, she's not a stand-in for him inside the ring!

DR: Well one thing is clear, we won't be seeing either Kyle Lee or
Allison Chambers the rest of the night. For better or worse, the UWF is
completely rudderless tonight. And that usually does not mean good
things are in store.

AM: Case in point, we just saw Nikki the Cat.

DR: Tonight's opening match is stemming from last week's revelation that
Brianna Landis was the person behind Sylhouette's kidnapping last year,
causing her to lose several months of her career. It was Nikki who
insisted that she was the one responsible prior to that, but Brianna's
guilty conscience apparently ate away at her until she confessed.

SS: I still think it was Corvette.

AM: Then you're a moron.

DR: As of late Brianna has definitely had a change of heart, but anyone
who knew what she was like previously is aware that causing someone to be
kidnapped is very much in character. Before we get to the ring for the
match, let's send it backstage.

[Cut to the usual interview area, where Moe Owens is waiting for his cue.
Next to him is Brianna Landis, wearing her ring attire consisting of long
black tights and a matching sports bra, with neon colors crisscrossing up
and down the legs. Brianna looks a little pensive as Moe begins.]

MO: Thanks Dave. Brianna, you're moments away from stepping into the
ring against Nikki the Cat, but you have to expect Sylhouette will be
watching this one closely.

BL: I hope she is, Moe. But before we get into that, I want to send best
wishes out to Allison Chambers. As someone who was caught in the middle
of a fight like that not too long ago, I wouldn't wish it upon my worst
enemy.

MO: You do realize that might ring a little hollow considering what you
confessed to last week with Sylhouette?

[Brianna sighs.]

BL: I know what I did, Moe. And you know, it would have been so easy to
never talk about it again and just let Nikki take the fall for it. She's
stupid enough to take credit for it even now. But I'm trying to turn
over a new leaf here. I fully admit my part in Sylhouette's kidnapping,
and I know she's going to want revenge. She has every right to.

MO: So you regret what you did.

BL: Well... that's where this gets complicated. I admit what I did, but
no. I don't regret it. The reason I even got involved in Syl's daddy
issues in the first place was to remove an obstacle that was standing in
the way of my career. Sylhouette and Corvette showed up here and
immediately won the fans over with their highflying.

[She taps her chest.]

But I'm every bit as good as they are, maybe better. But the fans never
took a serious look at me, I was always painted as the younger sister.
So if I could get rid of one of these flavors of the month and pin it on
the other one in the process, why the hell not?

MO: That doesn't sound very much like remorse, Brianna.

BL: I never said I was sorry about why I did it, Moe. I'm sorry it took
this long to come out that it was me who was behind it, but I have no
regrets about doing it in the first place. And I know the fans probably
won't like my stance on this, but I'm not suddenly some whole new angelic
person. I have my flaws, just like everybody else does. The only
difference is I'll own up to mine.

MO: That's... um... [pausing, as he clearly doesn't buy into what he's
about to say] admirable?

BL: I never asked people to suddenly love me. Just like Luke never asked
anyone to suddenly embrace him. If you're with him, just like if you're
with me, then cool. But I'm not going to stand here and sugarcoat things
with a lie. I can be a real bitch sometimes.

Sylhouette, I know you and I are going to settle things one day. Maybe
real soon. But tonight it's about shutting up that annoying little witch
with a god complex and Tourette syndrome. Who the crowd wants to cheer
for is up to them.

[And with that, Brianna Landis walks off as in the background her music
kicks up.]

MO: Thanks Brianna, for a surprisingly frank talk. Back to you guys in
the arena.

[Cut.]
_______ ________ _______ _______ ______ ______
| | | | | | ___|----------------------| | | __ \ |
| | | | | | ___| WRITER: | | __ « ---|
|_______|________|___| MB |__|_|__|______/______|
Rampage Bloody Rampage Rampage Bloody Rampage

ONE-ON-ONE:
"Every Man's Fantasy" Brianna Landis versus Nikki The Cat
----------------------------------------------------------------------

["According To You" by Orianthi played Brianna to the ring, and what
several months ago would have been outright hatred was instead a mixed
reaction for the former Joint Light Heavyweight Champion. A few vocal
pockets of support were apparent as she approached the ring, and for a
moment Brianna seemed touched by the genuine support. When Nikki the Cat
made her entrance it was a uniformly angry crowd that greeted her, and
Nikki went on a tirade directed at nobody in particular as she made her
way to the ring.]

AM: Well, that's one way to take an opinion poll.

DR: Indeed, I think Brianna's support probably just shot up several more
percent by the virtue of Nikki the Cat simply being out here.

[Nikki stopped to wave at Sam Steeley before entering the ring, which
once again caused Sam to have a moment of shame.]

AM: And just think, you went and tapped-

SS: Shut up, I was drunk!

DR: Here's the bell, and Brianna goes right after Nikki... who bails to
the floor.

[The crowd immediately got on Nikki's case again with such a blantant
stall tactic, but Brianna refused to let that stop her as she exited the
ring to go after Nikki. A chase around ringside led to Nikki rolling
into the ring first, stopping Brianna with a sharp knee into the side to
prevent her from rising up to her feet, and then grabbing her with a side
headlock. Landis quickly shoved her off to the ropes, but Nikki put the
breaks on and once more ducked out to the floor. Upon being threatened
with a countout Nikki slowly returned to the ring again, but ducked
between the ropes to avoid her opponent's wrath. Demanding a clean
lockup, Nikki got what she wanted but soon found herself backed up to the
ropes again. She continued to stall, getting her leg hooked in the ropes
and having the ref break it up.]

DR: Brianna's starting to get frustrated.

AM: So is the crowd, they want to see Nikki get her ass kicked in a major
way.

[As Nikki ducked to the outside once again, Brianna tried to grab her by
the hair only to again have the referee step in. An attempt by Nikki to
catapult Brianna over the ropes to the floor backfired when Landis caught
her instead and sent Nikki sailing back into the ring. But before she
could continue the assault, "The Living Tree" hit the PA system and the
crowd exploded at the sight of Sylhouette emerging from the back without
a hesitation in her step.]

AM: It's Sylhouette!

DR: The referee is calling for the bell here right away, he knows what we
all know. Sylhouette is not here to sit and watch this match to its
conclusion.

[As she walks down the ramp, it's clear Sylhouette isn't here to joke
around. Inside the ring, both competitors abandon the current match and
are turned to face the entrance.]

Syl: You know, for a while, I didn't know which one of you I should
challenge first. La salope, ou la poufiasse? Should I challenge the
stupid blond bimbo that does Luke or the stupid blond bimbo that wants to
do Juan?

[Cheers from the crowd!]

Syl: Should I be seeking revenge for myself, or avenging my friend?
Should I challenge the trash talking tramp, or the backstabbing [BLEEP]?

[The French girl's uncharacteristically harsh vernacular elicits even
louder cheers, especially since it's so heartfelt.]

Syl: And then I realized... since the only thing on the menu is some
blond bimbo, why not go to the all you can beat blond bimbo buffet!

[Nikki's face flashes in white hot burning anger, screaming obscenities
at the top of her lungs while Brianna keeps shifting her glance from
disgust at Nikki to simple dislike for Sylhouette.]

Syl: Since I want to kick you both around so badly, since I want to get
you both in the ring at the same time, I've asked the league to set up a
three way dance at Heaven and Hell... and they've agreed!

[This halts Nikki's tirade, as she clearly doesn't want any part of
tangling with Syl in an official match. Her opponent on this night has a
different reaction though, as Brianna nods towards Sylhouette and simply
brings her arms up in a defensive stance as she mouths the words "Then
bring it, paperweight."

Sylhouette ascends the ring steps, and addresses her two foes from the
apron.]

Syl: But since I can't wait that long, I can feel I'll succumb to the
temptation any second, now...

[She lithely slides under the second rope and rises next to Brianna.]

Syl: I'll succumb and beat you both right now!

[And Nikki shoves Brianna forward into Sylhouette, the French phenom
lashes out and hits a forearm shot into the blonde's face as Nikki bails
from the ring. She scurries up the aisle as in the ring, Syl grabs
Brianna and swings her around to try and hit a lungblower in the middle
of the ring. Landis resists, turns around and grabs Sylhouette with a
backbreaker hold to try for the Spiralling Downward. But as she delivers
it, Sylhouette's gymnastic training pays off as...]

DR: Sylhouette lands on her feet! Incredible agility! OUTLINER! Down
goes Brianna!

SS: You can't trust the French! Paul Revere and the Raiders were right!

AM: Again, I can't even begin to count what's wrong with that statement.

["The Living Tree" hits the PA again, and Sylhouette returns to her feet,
a measure of satisfaction on her face. She walks out of the ring,
leaving Brianna to roll onto her stomach, holding her head.]

DR: Well this should be an interesting contest at Heaven and Hell, a
three way dance between Sylhouette and both of the women taking credit
for her kidnapping, Nikki and Brianna.

AM: A final chance at revenge, on a stage as big as they come in Texas?
Not bad at all.

[The camera cuts one of the dressing room in the New Orleans Arena
backstage area. Entering the room from the hallway is it's assigned
occupant, Erik Grimsson. Dressed in a pair of ripped white jeans with
skull designs printed on them, a black "Xentrix- Ghostbusters" longsleeve
t-shirt, and black Nike amateur wrestling shoes. Rounding out with his
long, blonde hair down and straight, and a large knee brace on his left
knee, Erik carries a large, grocery sized paper bag in each hand. Limping
over to a table in the center of the room, Erik sits down and starts
tearing into the bags.]

Erik: Man, I so hope they hooked me up with extra syrup for my pancakes.

[Since the door to the hallway was left open, one really wouldn't need to
knock before entering. Ronan Benedict isn't just somebody though, as he
politely knocks on the door frame.]

RB: Pancakes? Before a match? Seems kinda' heavy...

[Ronan is dressed for action, sporting a short-sleeved black "War Hounds:
Grit, Gristle & Gore Tour" t-shirt, forest green camouflage patterned
pants, and black boots on his feet. Both wrists and hands are also
wrapped in white athletic. Ronan's long, dark red hair hangs down around
his shoulders, while also dangling in his bearded face.

Erik looks up from his bags of food, turning his head to see his
visitor.]

Erik: I got some breakfast steaks and a lot of eggs and bacon to go with
them, too. Anyway, man, what's up?

[Ronan whistles in astonishment that Erik is planning to devour all that
food. He then shakes the thought away and enters the room.]

RB: I just came here to apologize, man. We may have disagreed about that
tag match on the last show, but I didn't have to be a jackass about it.
And money damn sure ain't the most important thing to me. Ain't even in
the top five. I acted like a greedy prick, and that just ain't me.

[Erik ponders for a second and nods his head.]

Erik: Hey dude, it's cool. I was totally being a d-bag, too. As it is, I
probably needed the help.

RB: Glad you're seein' reason. I guess the important thing though, is
that it all worked itself out in the end.

Erik: Yeah, it did. Unfortunately, I've got Titus as my partner tonight.
Wish I had you again.

[Erik shrugs his shoulders.]

Erik: I guess it's like, I kinda doubt I can really count on him to be
fight fire with fire like you and me do.

[Ronan nods his head, understanding Erik's point of view.]

RB: Well, it wasn't long ago you didn't want me in the same ring with ya'
either. But the point is, Titus has seem some battles too. He may lack
that killer instinct, or the willingness to snap a neck if he has to, but
I think he'll come through for you just fine.

Erik: [Sighing] I don't know, man. Seems everyone besides my immediate
family, you and your sister, and Jan Delgado have been pretty
disappointing recently. But we'll see how it goes, I guess.

RB: Cheer up, man. You're about to dig into a monster feast. Besides,
if it turns out that Titus can't pull his weight, then do something about
it. You've been doing this sh[BLEEP]t longer than me, man, so you know
what it takes to survive lousy odds.

[Leaning against the wall, Ronan contemplatively rubs his beard for a
moment.]

RB: And at least you'll have one less Hand of Doom lackey to worry about,
'cause Brawn Stevenson will be too busy pickin' his teeth off the mat by
the time I'm through with him.

[Erik gives a reassuring wave of his hand.]

Erik: Dude, don't worry. I'm totally fine. Wouldn't be the first time
I've had to pick up slack for a tag partner if that's the case. And as
for Brawn, I never liked that [MEEP]head, so give him a few shots for me.

[Ronan has a good chuckle at Erik's request.]

RB: You got it.

[Out in the hall, someone can be heard yelling "Security!", at which
point former UWF and MBC combatant Myra Benedict strolls right in through
the door beside Ronan.]

RB: Myra, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be exiled from...

[Trailing off, he glances back at Erik as realization hits him.]

RB: Oh, right... I'll leave you two alone then.

[And before Erik or Myra can say anything, Ronan is gone out the door
from which Myra just entered. Myra, meanwhile, turns to Erik and answers
the question Ronan had asked her.]

MYRA: Just thought I'd drop in for a little visit.

[Erik is up out of his seat and darts across the room, embracing Myra
around her waist in a big hug.]

Erik: Oh man, this is so awesome! I've missed you a lot, Myra.

[Myra returns the gesture, inhaling deeply. Contentedly?]

MYRA: You're a sap, do you know that? [she kisses him] But then again,
that's one of the reasons why I fell for you.

[Erik returns Myra's kiss, and then releases her, a puzzled look forms on
his face.]

Erik: You know, don't get the wrong idea because I'm glad to see you, but
I'm kinda with your brother. What are you doing here?

MYRA: With all these enemies around you, even the bravest and strongest
warrior would fall if poorly equipped.

[Myra now pulls a bag from her shoulder and opens it, pulling out two
Escrima sticks, which she hands to Erik.]

MYRA: So I came here to give you these.

[The puzzled look returns to Erik's face as he eyes Myra's gift.]

Erik: Um...cool. Wooden sticks.

[Chuckling, Myra smirks fiendishly. It's a signature, damnit.]

MYRA: Indeed. Very, very hard fighting sticks. Escrima sticks. I
expect you'll find many uses for them.

Erik: [Nodding] Alright, cool. These are the sticks I always see you
practicing with at home, aren't they? I think I can find some good use
for these.

[Myra smiles, pleased to see that Erik now understands their use.]

MYRA: Not just for practice. These are the sticks I use in combat. I
tried to get the blood off, but...

[Erik laughs a bit.]

Erik: Oh, I'm sure I'll find a way to manage. May even add some more on
there. Thanks, Myra.

[Myra nods her head.]

MYRA: You're welcome. Think of me when you use them.

Erik: I will.

[Erik turns, looking at his food, then turns back to Myra.]

Erik: Man, how rude of me. Since you're here, you want something to eat?

[Myra glances over her shoulder at the hallway outside. Despite the
continued calls for Security, they don't seem to be coming. Maybe
somebody else started a riot this time. Myra then turns back toward Erik
and nods.]

MYRA: Only if you'll eat with me. I can't have you going comatose on me.
So... what's for dinner?

Erik smiles as he heads back over to the table.]

Erik: Oh man, I went to the local Denny's and got all kinds of breakfast
stuff. Eggs, steaks, bacon, sausage, pancakes. Well, I guess you get the
idea.

[Smiling once again, Myra chuckles.]

MYRA: I certainly do. Sounds like your usual.

[She too moves toward the table, but it's at that time that several
members of the Guard FINALLY pour into the room, restraining Myra
and pulling her away. She struggles of course, even high kicking one of
the guardsmen.]

Guard Member #1: She has no business here, or anywhere near the premises.
Get her out of the building!

[Myra struggles some more, but then suddenly stops fighting them.]

MYRA: Wait! Just... give me one minute!

GM#1: No chance. You shouldn't even _be_ here, Myra.

MYRA: _One_ _minute_, and then I'll go quietly. Just one minute.

[The guards confer momentarily.]

GM#1: One minute.

[Myra is immediately released, and she turns back toward Erik.]

MYRA: I almost forgot I have something else for you.

[Digging into a pocket of her combat fatigues, Myra pulls out a set of
keys.]

MYRA: I left some heavy equipment in Arlington, Texas, behind Cowboy
Stadium. These will get you access to it. And from there, it's all
yours to use how you see fit.

[She leans in to give Erik another kiss, but the Guardsman restrains her
once again.]

SO: Time's up.

[Erik is now beside himself.]

Erik Hey, what the hell, man?! She hasn't even done anything! This is
bull[MEEP]!

[The Guardsman now turns, facing the livid Erik.]

GM#1: Watch it, Grimsson! You're skating on thin ice as it is. The best
thing for you to do is shut your mouth and do what you're told!

[Absolutely boiling at this point, Erik goes over to the table, chucking
it and the food on top of it, narrowly missing the departing guard with
shattered table and food debris.]

Erik: YOU MOTHER[MEEP]ERS!

[A now irate and out of control Erik now storms out of the dressing room
as the camera fades.

The scene opens to the Throne Room, the ornate dressing room of the
MBC's very own queen, Holly Hotbody. The busty beauty is laying facedown
nude on a bench, her auburn locks pinned atop her head. And before anyone
gets too excited, her unmentionables are covered by a white towel. Her
eyes are closed, a look of bliss etched on her features, as a masseuse
stands over her, effortlessly working on her back.]

HH: Excellent, Hans. Your hands are like magic!

[He merely nods. Seated across from her is Brawn Stevenson. He's in a
black, "Fear the Hand" tank top and jeans, the mountain of muscle lifting
weights and counting to himself, sweat glistening lightly off of his
form.]

HH: Did you see it, Brawn? Did you bear witness?

[Brawn grunts his acknowledgment.]

HH: I dragged my no-talent cousin into that ring and left her embarrassed
and humiliated. [she lets out a laugh] After that, I'm sure Jan will pose
no real threat at Heaven and Hell. Oh sure, I know that she's probably
telling everyone who will listen that she will get revenge or some other
nonsense. But I looked in her eyes and saw, through the tears of shame,
that she was finally broken. Because I had not only proven her to be a
fool but weak as well.

[A satisfied smirk crosses her features as she opens her eyes, focusing
them on Brawn.]

HH: You see, that's how you make a statement, Brawn. And you must do the
same thing tonight. You must crush Ronan Benedict and show that idiot,
Clayton Ross, exactly what awaits him.

[Brawn grins, dropping the weights to the floor.]

BS: You ain't gotta worry, my queen. It's as good as done. I'm not like
Georgia. Give me a task and I complete it. [pauses] Where'd she run off
to anyway? [smirks] Still crying over losing Miss Morality?

HH: I actually have her on a special... mission tonight. But she's the
least of our worries. Your focus needs to be on Benedict.

BS: Like I said, good as done. I know he's tough and all that [MEEP]. But
ain't nobody running through me. I don't care how famous their [MEEP]in'
family is. Tonight, it's about sending a message home to Ross.

[He leans back in his seat, making sure to take a moment to ogle Holly's
smooth, shapely legs.]

BS: That fool refuses to get the point. The Hand is running the show
around here. Didn't what happened to Gimpy Grimsson send enough of a
message? Anybody stepping against us gets dealt with accordingly.

[He shakes his head.]

BS: For some reason, Ross refuses to get that through his thick skull,
even after I've been kicking his ass all over the ring. Maybe he rode the
short bus as a kid or something. [shrugs] Beats me.

[Holly lets out a chuckle.]

BS: Hopefully, he watches tonight's match closely and pays attention to
how I decimate this Ronan cat. Because I'm done playing around. And if he
keeps up with his do-gooder [MEEP], he will be next.

[Holly closes her eyes again and purrs.]

HH: Mmmm. I love it when you talk dirty.

BS: As far as Ronan goes, he'd be smart to step back and play his
position. ‘Cause if he thinks he's gonna make something of himself off of
me, he better come again. He'll learn that those other dudes he been
beating on ain't got [MEEP] on me. I didn't become HoD enforcer for
nothing.

HH: Yes, my black knight, smite our enemies with vengeance!

[Fade.]

Skullhead: And welcome ladies and gentlemen to the first MBC portion of
the broadcast.

Slush: Oh hey... it's our turn.

Pinhead: You sound surprised.

Slush: I didn't think the UWF blowhards would ever go away.

Tinkle: MEEP!

Slush: You're right. Sam is cool.

Tinkle: MEEP!

Slush: Yeah, that was a fun night. Or what I remember of it.

Skullhead: Much like most of our UWF counterparts, I am sickened by what
happened to Kyle Lee and Allison Chambers at the beginning of the show.
But we must move on. Kyle wants it that way. In fact, he posted that
backstage.

Slush: Why would he do something so dumb?

Pinhead: Because he's been attacked before.

Slush: Totally deserves it.

Skullhead: And so, we move on. And we're heading right into a match
between Brawn Stevenson and Ronan Benedict.

Slush: All hail her Holy Hotness!

Skullhead: Stevenson is quite obviously out to prove a few points
tonight. One, that his "Queen" has chosen wisely. And two, that Clayton
Ross has something to fear at Heaven and Hell.

Pinhead: Where Ross and Stevenson will face off.

Slush: Brawn will break him! Ivan Drago style! He won't even need a
montage.

Tinkle: MEEP!

Slush: So true. One always needs a montage.

Skullhead: And on the other side of the ring is Ronan Benedict, who has
been working hard to prove to President Lee that he's different than his
sister.

Pinhead: As in not a homicidal maniac?

Skullhead: Among other things. He's a man capable of things but like many
other families in this business, certain members of the Benedicts cast a
long shadow.

Pinhead: Too bad Lee is probably on his way to the hospital.

Slush: Let's hope Lee has DVR.

Pinhead: I really think when you own a whole wrestling company, including
a whole production truck filled with millions of dollars worth of
television equipment, you won't have to bother with DVR.

Slush: How else would you get your porn and Sportscenter?

Tinkle: ...

Slush: Okay... how else would you get your porn?
_______ ________ _______ _______ ______ ______
| | | | | | ___|----------------------| | | __ \ |
| | | | | | ___| WRITER: | | __ « ---|
|_______|________|___| KL |__|_|__|______/______|
Rampage Bloody Rampage Rampage Bloody Rampage

SINGLES CONTEST:
Ronan Benedict versus Brawn Stevenson
----------------------------------------------------------------------

[Everything about Brawn Stevenson and his entrance screamed confidence
and cockiness. It was the kind of swagger that the common man hates.
While unknown if Brawn Stevenson finds himself better than the common
man, he had a lot of things going for him, or at least, he did in his own
mind. He was in peak physical condition. He worked for the "Queen" Holly
Hotbody and though she wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, the
gorgeous Georgia Church was escorting him to ringside dressed like the a
combination between a stripper and a pimp. She even had a cane. Jealousy
is a term that probably didn't adequately describe what he was creating
amongst the fans. Then again, he didn't care. He just smiled.

Ronan Benedict carried a different kind of confidence with him as he
walked down the aisle. His was concentrated. His was centered solely in
his abilities and he had the utmost confidence that he would win this
match to prove his worth in the MBC. If he couldn't prove he was a
different entity than his sister with mere words, then he would prove it
with actions. Thus was the setting for their match.

Quickly, the match devolved into a brawl, each man trying to strike those
initial moments of pain to catch the other off guard. Shots were landed
and some were of course missed. Such is the way of a wild brawl. With the
adrenaline settling in, each resorted to what they were best at.
Stevenson unleashed his power game while Benedict brought out his mixture
of grappling and Muay Thai. The combination of styles proved quite
interesting, if not thrilling. Neither man was getting a clear advantage,
causing momentum to turn on the head of a dime. This would not do for
Stevenson. So with a nod, he signaled to Georgia Church that something
had to be done.]

Pinhead: That can't be good.

Slush: Look again. It's fantastic.

[When she wasn't strutting her amazingly tight backside, Georgia was
swinging around her cane. Why a cane? It matched her outfit. Fashion tips
from her Majesty Holly Hotbody of course! She walked along the outside of
the ring and waited. She could stalk sure, but nothing throws off a
referee more than a stalker. As Stevenson attempted to put Benedict in
prime position for Church to strike Ronan with the cane, Clayton Ross
appeared suddenly in the crowd and jumped over the guardrail. He took
hold of the cane in order to keep Church from swinging it. She pulled
back so hard that when Ross let go, she ended up flinging herself
backwards into the security barrier. Not pleased with Ross' presence,
Stevenson came over to yell at his Heaven and Hell opponent. Ross quickly
took up the cane, swung it with a rage rarely seen and busted it over
Steven's skull. All of this out of sight of the referee of course.
Stevenson, thick headed as he was, staggered backwards leaving him open
for Benedict to strike with his Death Forge. As Ross returned to the
crowd and as Church rubbed her now sore rear end, Benedict covered
Stevenson, hooked a leg and took the one, two, three.]

DH: Here is your winner...

ROOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN BENNNEEEEEEEEEEDIIIIIIIIIIIIIICT!

DH: The winner of this match by pinfall.... RONAN BENEDICT!!!

Skullhead: Benedict with a smart heads up move there.

Pinhead: When an opportunity presents itself, you have to take it.

Tinkle: MEEP!

Slush: Oh sorry, I'm still thinking about DVR and porn.

Skullhead: Stevenson is dressing down Georgia Church about what happened
but she's hardly to blame. Ross was smart in letting her momentum take
her away.

Pinhead: But at the same time, Clayton Ross is rising on the Most Wanted
List of the Hand of Doom. And that's not a good place to be.

Slush: I was there once.

Pinhead: ...

Skullhead: ...

Slush: What? Nobody? Fine, I'll ask myself then. How'd that turn out for
you Slush? Best weekend of my life!

Pinhead: ...

Skullhead: ...

Slush: Nothing? Nothing at all?

Skullhead: If you're going to rip off UWF jokes, you can at least do it
away from us.

Slush: [MEEP]tards! The lot of you!

[Cut to backstage, with a rather unhappy looking Virginia St. Ursula and
Michael Bonn, currently in conversation with a couple of UWF stage
hands.]

VSU: [frowning, shaking her head] ...I can't believe it...

Stage Hand #1: I'm just telling you what I heard, Ms St. Ursula.
Elliott and Osbourne's stuff got trashed in the locker room and they're
saying Ryu did it!

VSU: But he wouldn't DO that! He's at the vet's!

Stage Hand #2: I saw the mess myself. It looked kinda bad. OK, more
than "kinda bad". [she winces] I didn't think you could do that to a
Slurpee machine! The way Randall Osbourne's calling for blood right
now... [another wince] I remember the match he had with Joe Reed back in
the day. Ryu might wanna invest in a hockey mask!

Stage Hand #1: [looking over at Bonn sympathetically] Hell, you might
want to too, Mr. Bonn. Y'know, just in case.

[Both stage hands shake their heads sadly, then exit.]

VSU: [grimacing] This is ridiculous!

BONN: You sure Ryu is at the vet's?

VSU: Yes! At least that's where he says he is... [A beat.] How can
you even question that about your own partner?! You know Ryu didn't do
this!

BONN: [folding his arms across his chest] Actually, I want to make sure
he's not in the line of fire of the Insanity Society right now. If he's
not here, then that's a good thing. I know how worked up he gets over
that stupid bird...

[An angry Ginny gets ready to snap at Michael. The Nighthawk just
presses on.]

BONN: ..._and_ I know that trashing Tommy Elliott and Randall Osbourne's
stuff isn't Ryu's style. At _all_.

VSU: Sounds more like your style -- at least back in the bad old days.

BONN: [muttering] Yeah, don't remind me. [He sighs] No, I don't like
this at all. It's crazy; we're being set up!

VSU: They are called the "Insanity Society" for a reason. First, they
take out Trice, then they take out their own property! It's mind games!

BONN: You were the one who wanted to give them a title shot.

VSU: [grumbling] Don't remind me...

[Fade.]

Tinkle: MEEP!

Slush: See what happens when you mess with a man's cock? REVENGE!

Skullhead: I tend to believe that Ryu had nothing to do with it.

Pinhead: You never know. Tommy Elliot crossed the line when he tossed
Trice out of a helicopter.

Skullhead: Point. Still, I don't know if he'd trash a locker room.
Especially not one belonging to the "Insanity Society."

Slush: What’s the big deal? So what if a Slurpee machine got broken.

Pinhead: You obviously don't know anything about the Insanity Society.

Slush: I know they have a thing for alligators and tigers dressed in tank
tops... or something.

Pinhead: Randall Osbourne is a beast and at times a very vengeful beast
who teeters on the very edge of calm. The man loves his grape Slurpees.
You mess with that and then... well... he'll bite your face off. And I
mean that in the most literal of terms. We can only hope The Guard
actually does their damn job and stops something from happening.

Skullhead: Given what happened at the top of the show, I think we both
know that's not going to happen.

Pinhead: Sad but true.

Skullhead: Still, we must move on. And next we have one of the final
matches in the opening round of the Empress Cup. Kiora Donavon faces
Felicity Malone.

Pinhead: A number of people are eagerly anticipating this match. As many
on the fan forums have called it, this is the "Original Queen Bitch of
the HoD versus the Current Queen Bitch of the HoD."

Skullhead: The Empress Cup hardly matters here in my mind. These are two
women who want to fight just to see who the bigger bad ass bitch is. And
that's pretty much exactly how they would describe it.

Slush: I'm still telling! You're so in trouble!

Skullhead: You do that Slush. See how fast I don't give a damn. Oh wow.
Did you see that? That went so quick!

Slush: Man, you're on edge tonight!

Skullhead: Can you blame me?

Slush: Do you have to ask?

Pinhead: Should you bother?

Skullhead: Probably not. Lets just move to the match.
_______ ________ _______ _______ ______ ______
| | | | | | ___|----------------------| | | __ \ |
| | | | | | ___| WRITER: | | __ « ---|
|_______|________|___| KL |__|_|__|______/______|
Rampage Bloody Rampage Rampage Bloody Rampage

EMPRESS CUP FIRST ROUND MATCH:
Felicity Malone versus Kiora Donovan
----------------------------------------------------------------------

["Two-Lane Blacktop" by Rob Zombie starts up and the crowd pops.. and
pops.. and waits.. and begins to die down. People start looking at each
other and at the bare entrance, wondering why Felicity hasn't shown her
face yet. Then a silhouetted form appears in the entrance, but the
responding pop dies down almost immediately: this form is far too tall,
with hair that's far too long.

Rose Malone steps into the light, and the music abruptly cuts off.

Rose is dressed in her usual: tight gray jeans and a a black
"Assassination City Roller Derby" t-shirt. In one hand she holds a
microphone; in the other, a note card. She looks at the crowds to her
left and right, and then raises the mic.]

Rose: I won't be wrestling in place of my sister, if that's what you're
wondering. I'm here to deliver the Mighty Bastard Championship a message
from her... I'm not too happy about doing it, but thought I at least owed
the MBC this courtesy.

[Rose clears her throat and lifts the notecard.]

Rose: Message begins. Dear MBC: I know I'm scheduled to wrestle Kiora
Donovan tonight. I know this is a fight a lot of you have been looking
forward to -- I must admit I was looking forward to it myself. In fact, I
feel so strongly about this fight that I can't stoop to participate in it
while the MBC is in the state it's in.

[Surprised pop; the crowd is confused and a touch put off. Rose looks
visibly pained.]

Rose: As you know, I've become something like the fed head in a new group
formed out of MBC loyalists called the Bastard Underground. The
Underground believes in the purity of the MBC experience, and that the
MBC no longer reflects its own true values. It has, by opening its doors
to feds and wrestlers from a far more conventional walk of life, weakened
itself and sold out what makes it unique.

[Another stronger pop, angrier this time. Rose carries on.]

Rose: So I will not be wrestling in the MBC now, or for the foreseeable
future. If you want to see real titles defended and challenged by real
bastards, come watch us in the Bastard Underground... or come out to a
show. I promise you the seats won't cost half as much as the ones you're
sitting now. Message ends.

[Rose tucks the note card into her back pocket and lowers the mic as the
crowd pops again -- a seriously mixed crowd. Some angry, some confused,
some... enthusiastic? They quiet down as Rose lifts the mic again.]

Rose: I'm told Kiora Donovan also has something to say.

[Naturally the crowd boos at the mention of Kiora's name, mostly the
MBC fans who will boo anybody associated with the Hand of Doom. The
boos get even louder as Kiora appears on the jumbotron, especially
since she's clearly flipping the crowd off even though her hands are
pixelised so that nobody can see it. Rose takes this moment to exit, and
quickly.

Kiora proudly wears her Hand of Doom t-shirt and has a wicked smile on
her face. Kiora begins to speak.]

Kiora: Yeah, some of you might have figured out by now that I'm not
gonna be wrestling tonight.

The true bastards amongst you have probably tumbled onto the fact that
I'm just as much involved with the Bastard Underground as Felicity is,
I'm sure those true bastards will clue in the UWF fans at some point.

[Naturally the UWF fans loudly object to the insinuation that they're
none to bright. Kiora doesn't appear to care, though that might be
because her message is pre-taped.]

Kiora: The MBC is a pale shadow of what it once was, thanks to Kyle
Lee selling out.

With Bastard Underground we hope to bring back the true bastard
experience, so that people can truly appreciate what the Hand of Doom
is capable of when unfettered by the shackles of mediocrity.

[Why yes, Kiora has been flipping off the crowd this whole time and
they've not been at all appreciative. Particularly the UWF fans who
are not amused by Kiora's slander of their favorite federation.]

Kiora: So if you want to watch me beat the crap out of Felicity
Malone, come to a Bastard Underground show. It's bound to happen
sooner or later.

Skullhead: I guess we have a double forfeiture then.

Slush: Is that a word?

Pinhead: I'm starting to become concerned with this Bastard Underground
situation.

Slush: Your kid being involved wasn't enough?

Pinhead: Of course it was. But he's got to do what's best for him. But now
the Underground is starting to undermine the MBC.

Skullhead: And the UWF.

Slush: Duh, that's the point.

Pinhead: Watch it Slush. Roy Beam is gunning to supplant you as number
one [MEEP]hole.

Slush: I think it's been proven many times that I will always be the
number one [MEEP]hole... wait...

Pinhead: Yeah, let that one soak Slushy.

Skullhead: Looking at the standings, it appears that Amazing Grace wins
her group and Kiora Donavon goes in as the runner up. Both move on to the
next round but here's the million dollar question. Will she bother to
show up?

Pinhead: I've got a hunch she won't. I'd imagine league officials are
already looking into this situation.

Skullhead: Till then, let's move on.

DR: Actually, we'll take it from here, thanks. Moving along now, a
special battle between two polar opposites when it comes to personality.
The bubbly, almost giddy Miyuki Ozaki, taking on the spoiled and dare I
say, psychotic at times, Eveline Eriksen.

SS: You watch what you say, David. MBC might have their Queen Bee, but
the UWF has the Albino Goddess herself, the Nordic Nymph.

AM: She's under contract to both companies, moron.
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[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[The scene fades into a shot of Miss Morality Pageant loser, Ayako, with
her eyes closed, having makeup applied on her face by fellow dojomate,
Michiko. We see that Ayako is still in her beauty pageant outfit,
complete with sparkling tiara and "Miss Germany" sash. As she's getting
made pretty by Michiko's skillful brush strokes, the camera pulls back to
reveal her mentor, savior, leader and paragon of womanhood...Miyuki
Ozaki!

Miyuki is dressed in a pink hoodie with a bear face and ears on the hood
over her ring attire, which is hidden by the hoodie, but involves a pair
of black go-go boots with pink laces and trim. In her hands is the report
that Ayako had compiled on Eveline Eriksen's mental profile that was last
seen on House of Throwdowns. She's flanked by the rest of the girls, who
watch on as Ayako is being made into a pretty pretty princess once more.]

Ayako: (Do I really have to wear this outfit? I mean, I didn't even
finish second in that competition.)

[Ayako slaps Michiko's make-up brush away from her face as Miyuki just
rolls her eyes.]

Miyuki: (Come on, Ayako...the fact that the results in the Miss Morality
Pageant were fixed is as painfully obvious as that cheap feel that Nina
tried to cop when I hugged her! You need to show those bitches that we
all know who the rightful winner was! You need to fight injustice at
every turn. Are you just going to stand there and take it every time
someone does you wrong? If you don't rage against the machine, then who
will!?)

[Pulling off her tiara, Ayako gets a frowny look on her face.]

Ayako: (But when that top women wrestler poll came out, you didn't
complain at all. Wasn't that injustice too?)

[Miyuki laughs.]

Miyuki: (Oh come on, who actually believed the results of *that* thing?
Do you honestly think there's nineteen women that stand above me in the
world of wrestling? That had to be some sort of bad photoshop, right?)

[She dismisses the results with a wave of her hand.]

Miyuki: (Those results would imply that I'm not absolutely and
unanimously loved and adored by the public at large and we all know
that's a completely impossible possibility!)

[She laughs.]

Miyuki: (And even in the unlikely event that it's legitimate - although
it's not - the results would obviously be the product of ignorant,
xenophobic fear!)

Ayako: (Fear of what?)

[Miyuki strikes a dramatic pose and shoots a finger into the air!]

Miyuki: (The rise of the Japanese superwoman!)

[You go, girl!]

Ayako: (Come on, Miyuki, there were like..._twenty_ Japanese women on
that poll. Maybe even more! I mean...even *I* made it!)

[Our bleach-blonde beauty seems far from impressed.]

Miyuki: (And where exactly did *you* finish?)

[Ayako lowers her head.]

Ayako: (...dead last.)

[Shaking her head at her poor, dumb, gifted student, Miyuki suddenly
stops and gets a confused look on her face.]

Miyuki: (Actually...how did you even end up on that poll at all? I didn't
say you could be popular yet!)

[Her eyes narrow.]

Miyuki: (It was your mother voting, wasn't it?)

[She points an accusing finger.]

Miyuki: (I knew she coddled you too much!)

[Ayako holds up her hands defensively.]

Ayako: (Look, leave my mom out of this. We...we should focus on your
match!)

[Miyuki takes the large tome and tosses it at Ayako, who is knocked back
into her chair as she catches it.]

Miyuki: (I already have all I need to know. Eveline's a mentally unstable
woman filled with several easily exploitable neuroses. What else is there
to learn? We'll make her suffer another traumatic mental breakdown and
then I'll smash her face in with my go-go boot while she's stuck in a
fetal position sucking her thumb.)

[There's a definite swag in her step now. If Miyuki's outfit had a
collar, she'd pop it.]

Miyuki: (We got this.)

[Ayako still seems a bit worried, though.]

Ayako: (You read the _entire_ report, right? Even the part about the
possible outcomes of breaking her mind so soon after her last trauma?)

[Ayako leafs through the pages and then spins the book back around to
Miyuki, pointing to a section of text on the page.]

Ayako: (You know...the part where I wrote that driving her insane again
might put her into a state of madness where she becomes a raging,
murderous beast?)

[Just then, Michiko speaks up.]

Michiko: (That's the same part of the report that had _us_ worried.)

[The honey brown brunette turns to Miyuki, reaching into her bag.]

Michiko: (You know Miyuki....maybe we'd be better off if you used this.)

[Michiko places a bottle of hair dye on the table.

The color?

_Black._]

Michiko: (It's just that...)

[She turns and looks at the other girls, before turning back to Miyuki.]

Michiko: (...well, me and the girls would probably feel a lot better
about this match, if you went into it channeling the unholy, demonic
powers that you inherited by festering within your mother's immortal womb
for nine months, that you used to against Nina Grimsson.)

[Ayako gets an appalled look on her face.]

Ayako: (Do you realize just how stupid that sounds, Michiko? Do you think
just turning Miyuki's hair black and making her look like her mother
somehow gives her superhuman abilities?)

Miyuki: (Yeah, what the hell are you thinking, Michiko?)

[There's a triumphant look on Ayako's face as her mentor agrees with her
for once.]

Ayako: (See?)

[Miyuki rolls her eyes at her charges.]

Miyuki: (OBVIOUSLY...I would need to wear the black dress, too!)

[Michiko and the rest of the girls turn to each other and slap themselves
in the forehead, as if to say "Oh, of course! How silly of us!"
Meanwhile, Ayako can only respond, dumbfounded.]

Ayako: (WHAT!?)

[Everyone simply ignores her.]

Miyuki: (Anyhow...the overwhelming force of nature that is a regular
Japanese woman should be more than enough for Eveline Eriksen, demonic
superpowers or not.)

[Miyuki smiles and gives a double "V for victory!" when she says this.
Never before, has planning to exploit someone's mental illness looked so
adorable.]

Miyuki: (So, lets go, girls! We have a crazy bitch to drive into further
states of insanity!)

[They then walk away, leaving behind a befuddled Ayako, who clutches her
psychoanalysis of Eveline Eriksen's fragile mental state close to her
heart. She frowns for a moment, before turning and shouting down the hall
at Miyuki.]

Ayako: (You don't have unholy demonic powers, damnit!)

[Fade out.]

SS: Damn subtitles. Gives me a headache every time.
_______ ________ _______ _______ ______ ______
| | | | | | ___|----------------------| | | __ \ |
| | | | | | ___| WRITER: | | __ « ---|
|_______|________|___| MB |__|_|__|______/______|
Rampage Bloody Rampage Rampage Bloody Rampage

EMPRESS CUP FIRST ROUND MATCH:
"Viking Vixen" Eveline Eriksen versus Miyuki Ozaki
----------------------------------------------------------------------

[Whale's "Pay For Me" hits the sound system like a pallet of bricks, and
while the spot lights blink, dazzle and flash, "Viking Vixen" Eveline
Eriksen tramples down the ramp towards the ring in her trademark entrance
wear; a hornless metal helm, a white fur cape, and a chip on her shoulder
the size of Sweden. She looks especially angry, tonight. In fact, "angry"
no longer seems to do her state of mind justice... It's no wonder sugar
daddy/manager William Houlder and 7' foot bodyguard Lilly Fawne-Dorsey
keep their distance, walking down the ramp far behind Eriksen, trying to
blend in with the booing fans.]

SS: I hear Eveline's being sequestered at the hotel she's staying at, due
to her recent diagnosis.

AM: Huh, what diagnosis?

SS: Haven't you heard? Bezerker Psychosis. She's so on edge right now,
she'd just as soon attack you or I as Miyuki.

AM: So how's that any different than normal? The woman's a lunatic.

DR: Psychosis? There's a name I hoped we'd never hear again on a UWF
broadcast.

[The crowd began to cheer loudly as "Sexy Bitch" cranked up over the PA
system next, but as Miyuki and her entourage made their way out Eriksen
suddenly broke from the ring and charged right up the aisle to tackle the
lithe Ozaki right in the entryway. With several inches on her, Eveline
was able to scoop Miyuki up on her shoulder and carry her to the ring,
but on approach Ozaki slid free and shoved Double E into the edge of the
ring, then struck with a roundhouse knee. Amazingly the match managed to
get into the ring and start, though not well for Miyuki as another
daredevil maneuver was countered by Eriksen sidestepping and letting her
get tangled into the ropes.]

DR: It's a bad start for Miyuki who is at the mercy of Eveline Eriksen.
And all as Miyuki's dancers look on.

SS: Why is one of them wearing a sash?

AM: Did you even bother to watch the segment before this?

SS: I told you, I hate subtitles.

[Despite their words of encouragement, Ozaki was unable to withstand an
early barrage of knees, kicks and punches by the larger woman. Eveline
scooped Miyuki up and hit a number of backbreakers, trying to ground
Ozaki and keep her from getting any momentum, alternating with a pair of
pin attempts after a German suplex and a double underhook powerbomb
respectively. The spritely Miyuki was finally able to stop the
madwoman's assault with a sudden backfist, and a pair of quick buzzsaw
kicks allowed her to run and jump off the ropes. She springboarded off
the second rope and hurled herself at Eveline with a crossbody! But
Eriksen caught her, swung Miyuki to the side and brought her crashing to
the mat with a powerful swinging side slam! Landing a kneedrop next on
the Osakan's head before pulling her up and hoisting her up even higher
in a gorilla press. The Viking Vixen took a pair of strained, shaky
steps, and hurled Miss Ozaki over the top rope, right on top of her
thrall of dancers!]

DR: She took out all of them!

AM: Except Miyuki... her dancers softened the fall!

[Rising from the pile of bodies, a defiant Miyuki stares back into the
ring at Eveline, pulling down her lower eyelid and sticking out her
tongue at the Nordic Narcissist! If Eveline can make anything look
smoking hot, Miyuki never fails to make any quirky pose extra cute!]

DR: Ozaki back up onto the ring apron- but a running forearm sends her
back to the floor! Eveline Eriksen defiantly telling her foe that the
ring is _her_ domain.

AM: I thought the rubber room was her domain.

SS: She's bordering on psychotic, Amy. Are you trying to kill us all!?!

DR: Miyuki up again, here comes Eveline- leg trip by Miyuki! Catapult
rolling elbow!

[Ozaki, seizing an opening over Eveline, nailed a perfect standing senton
to knock the wind out of her before opening up with some high impact
offense using the ropes as you'd expect. A moonsault just about turned
into a powerslam by the enraged beauty, but Miyuki countered quickly with
a tornado inverted DDT into the mat. Nothing however managed to slow
down Eriksen, who kept absorbing the punishment and coming back for more.
Miyuki's dancers tried to shout and distract the tall blonde, but to no
avail as a gigantic boot to the head stunned Ozaki and led to a double
foot stomp complete with bloodcurdling scream by Eriksen as she hit it.]

AM: Good god!

SS: Ozaki's nothing more than a smear on the mat and a memory in our
hearts now.

DR: Why is Eveline not going for the cover? Her manager is pleading with
her to just end the match, but she seems to want no part of it and is
picking her opponent up with murder in her eyes.

Death Valley Bo- ENZUIGIRI TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD!

[The Osakan landed nimbly on her feet as Eveline shook it off and tried
to grab her again. Miyuki grabs Eveline by the hair and headbutts her
which... doesn't seem to do anything. Undeterred, still holding on to the
Viking Vixen's hair, Miyuki steps back, lifts a leg, belches a power-
scream and rams her head into Eveline's!]

SS: Ack! My ears!

DR: Another headbutt!

AM: My goodness, Eveline barely looks phased!

[Frustrated now, Miyuki channels all of Asian might to summon the ultra-
mega-turbo version, with a scream so loud at least two spotlights above
the ring explode~!]

SS: MY EARS! I'VE GONE DEAF! WHY DO WE NOT HAVE EARPLUGS HERE!?!?

DR: A third headbutt, and Eveline Eriksen falls down to one knee!

SS: I CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING! IT'S LIKE A BOMB WENT OFF NEXT TO ME! WHITE
NOISE!


[Miyuki ran back to Eveline, stepped on her extended knee and axe kicked
the top of her head in with a savage Wizard of Ozaki~! Finally, Eveline
Eriksen crumpled to the mat, and Miyuki was quick to hook a leg.
Unfortunately for her, the close proximity to the ropes saved the Viking
Vixen from the three count. Soon after, as both women returned to their
feet an exchange of straight punches seemed to be going Eveline's way
until a block and another "Goodnight, Sweet Princess" backfist stunned
her enough to be sent toppling over the ropes.]

DR: And she sends Eriksen to the outside, with perhaps a knockout blow!

SS: I doubt that, she's more anger than person at this point. Her hatred
will destroy us all!

[The Nordic Nightmare again rose to her feet, and this time was sent
crashing to the cement thanks to a huge plancha dive from Miyuki. With
Eveline reeling, it was at this time that Ozaki chose to poke the bear
one more time and stage a reenactment of the Miss Morality pageant.
Ayako, still wearing the crown and sash, waved at the crowd as Miyuki
picked up a bucket and upon coming eye to eye once more with Eveline
Eriksen...]

AM: She just dumped a bucket of confetti on that poor girl's head. What
the hell is going on?

SS: I'll tell you what's going on... just as soon as I get the hell out
here.

[The look on the face of Eveline Eriksen is a curious sight. Mostly
because the usually pale complexion is already scarlet, and on the verge
of a purple shade as she shakes with what can only be described as rage.]

SS: BERZERKER! BERSERKER!

[While the Japanese girls still laugh, an infuriated Eveline rips the
bucket out of Miyuki's hands and bonks her on the head with it! When
Ayako turns, Eriksen throws the bucket at her head, then chokes Ayako
with her own beauty pageant sash!]

DR: I think Eveline Eriksen may have lost her mind! This match is over,
the referee I think is disqualifying Eriksen for this insane

SS: Hey! Berserker Psychosis is a serious condition!

AM: Here comes Hana!

[Hana jumps on Eveline's back and applies a triangle choke to the
Norwegian, setting Ayako free... which is a good thing because she was
starting to turn purple. Carrying Hana on her back, Eveline stumbles
around until she manages to pry Hana off with some kind of snap mare and
slams her right on the ringside mat!]

SS: That must have hurt!

[While Kiyomi picks up Miyuki to carry her back up the aisle, Eveline
turns to face two more of Miyuki's dancers, side by side; Michiko and
Yumi. The two girls seem paralyzed, Michiko scrambling to hide behind
little Yumi!]

SS: Am I seeing right? Miyuki's running away?

AM: Kiyomi's carrying away, that's not the-... Look out, Yumi!

[Suddenly Michiko makes her move and pushes her friend into the charging
Valkyrie's path! Yumi trips into Eveline's arms and she picks her up,
lifts the lightweight wrestler and throws her right on top of Ayako who
had barely gotten back to her feet! Finally, Lilly the Giant snaps into
action, when William Houlder charges her with the important mission of
retrieving the berserk Norwegian... but Eveline's chasing after Michiko,
who bravely jumps over the barricades to gamely flee through the crowd!]

DR: Michiko runs, and the Viking Vixen chases her through the crowd!

AM: And Lilly's trying to catch up, too!

SS: Did you see that freak? Just walked over the barricade like it was
nothing!

DR: Perhaps it's a sign of the times, this company is like a runaway
freight train tonight. If you're just joining us tonight, Allison
Chambers and Kyle Lee were brutally attacked at the hands of Gamma Ray
and the diabolical Guard at the top of tonight's show.

AM: I'd say Gamma Ray was going to burn in hell for this, but the more I
think about it I think Kyle's going to do much worse things to him inside
that cage in Dallas.

SS: I just hope and pray Eveline is alright.

AM: Oh shut up.

DR: In a few moments we have the fourth match in the UWF/MBC World Series
coming up. Before we get back to the ring, here's a recap of what's gone
down thus far.

[And we cut to footage of the past matches in the World Series
competition between the UWF and MBC: Ryu and Bonn taking on the Problem
Solvers in the first match... Ryu Osawa snaps Davidson's head off the top
rope to set up perfectly for the Skyscreamer to allow Michael Bonn to
score the victory and unify the world tag team titles.

Graphic: UWF 1, MBC 0

We switch to match #2 next as Serge Annis battles Jonas "Dutch" Elm. And
despite power moves from both men it comes down to Annis taking a
beatdown by several masked Guardsmen... followed by Serge being dropped
on his head with a Tree Cutter for the stunning upset pin by Elm.

Graphic: UWF 1, MBC 1

And now last week's match between Gabriel Whitecross and Jerry Titus...
Thunderous clotheslines from both men, then a powerslam from the MBC
representative. Whitecross attempts a German suplex, only for the lights
to suddenly go out. In the end, Harley Sanders nails the crooked referee
only to count Whitecross down fast, giving the UWF North American
Championship as well as the series lead to Jerry Titus and the MBC.

Graphic: MBC 2, UWF 1

We end on a graphic for tonight's all important contest, between GMT
Champion Max Benson and Unified Television Champion Tommy Stephens.]

DR: So it comes down to this, a victory by Tommy tonight and we tie up
the world series. A loss and we're staring at a very, very big hole.

AM: Regardless of how you do tonight Tommy, you're a champion of the UWF.
That's a pretty big accomplishment.

SS: And if you lose, you're outta the family.

Pinhead: It should be noted that neither title is going to be on the line tonight.

Slush: Talk about a letdown.
_______ ________ _______ _______ ______ ______
| | | | | | ___|----------------------| | | __ \ |
| | | | | | ___| WRITER: | | __ « ---|
|_______|________|___| MB |__|_|__|______/______|
Rampage Bloody Rampage Rampage Bloody Rampage

UWF/MBC WORLD SERIES MATCH FOUR:
Max Benson [MBC-2] vs. Tommy Stephens (UWF-1)
----------------------------------------------------------------------

["Superficial" played as Tommy Stephens entered, carrying the TV title as
well as the weight of a company on his back. With a look of concern on
his face as he stepped into the ring, Tommy lifted the title belt over
his head as the synthesized opening of Thomas Dolby's "She Blinded Me
With Science" hits the PA system.]

DR: The UWF's hopes rest with Tommy Stephens as... as... Well good lord,
look at this.

[Max Benson came into the arena sporting a different look as expected,
but to call it bizarre would be kind. Wearing a white lab coat and
goggles, his hair pointing in all directions, Benson's role for the
evening cemented by the announcement.]

DH: And his opponent...

"MAD SCIENCE" MAX BENSON!

[Benson approached the ring with caution as Stephens looked on from
inside, only able to watch as Benson removed the coat and goggles to hang
them on the ringpost before ducking through the ropes.]

SS: I was about to say I'm worried that we have to rely on Tommy Stephens
to tie up this competition... but I'm kinda liking our chances now.

Pinhead: Quirks aside, Max is a damn fine wrestler when the bell rings.
He wouldn't be wearing MBC gold if he wasn't.

Slush: Would you say he has the skills to pay the bills?

Pinhead: I would.

Slush: Then do it.

Pinhead: No.

[When the bell rang Benson and Stephens shook hands and locked up,
trading holds early as textbook as could be. Each took their opponent
down for a near count, then allowed them to rise back up to start fresh
again with the crowd applauding both men.]

DR: Unlike last week, at least we don't have to worry about crooked
officiating and outside entities.

Slush: You're just jealous you guys don't have a master strategist like
Harley on your side.

DR: The day Harley Sanders becomes a master strategist is the day I
retire.

[Tommy sidestepped a rushing Benson for a schoolboy attempt, and kept him
down after a series of attacks on the back including a flying elbow from
the second rope. An Irish whip is blocked and countered into a trip by
his MBC counterpart, who quickly applied a figure-four leglock. With his
opponent in the submission hold Max sat up and asked for the microphone.
What followed was a lengthy monologue from the "Mad Scientist" about how
he was going to "destroy" Tommy Stephens and eventually take over the
world. In fact, he got so into his monologue that he didn't realize
Stephens had escaped it and was standing behind him...

Until a baseball slide dropkick knocked him clear out of the ring!]

Slush: Hey! You don't interrupt a scientific genius in the middle of a
pondering!

SS: He's already intent on owning the world, does it really matter if
we're witness to the birth of a super villain?

DR: [sighing] I had to draw the short straw.

[Benson tripped Tommy up as he tried to exit the ring, resulting in a
bout of maniacal laughter from the MBC competitor as he delivered a
bodyslam on the floor. The match went back and forth until Benson rolled
back into the ring, as Tommy grabbed him and snapped him backwards into
the top rope with a reverse hotshot as it were, propelling Max facefirst
into the canvas. A Super SAMOAN Superkick followed, and Benson once
again rolled to the outside for a breather.]

Pinhead: Max seems to be looking for something in his coat pocket... what
the heck is that?

SS: Oh god, I've seen that before! He's got the Super-Soldier Serum!
Dude's gonna become Captain America!

Slush: You fool, he's just going to mutate into some hideous beastly
creature.

Pinhead: I seriously doubt he's going to turn into Mr. Hyde.

Slush: No, I meant Lady Gaga.

[Benson drank the vial that was in his coat pocket, and soon returned to
the ring with a lot more energy than before. Tommy's punches seemed to
have no effect, even the dreaded SAMOAN drop seemed to have little impact
with Benson returning to his feet and chopping Tommy down. The only
thing that finally worked was a good old fashioned groin kick, halting
Benson's rampage. Tommy went for broke soon after, trying to win the
match with the Tommy Stephens-Style Senton only for Benson to raise his
knees up as a counter.]

Slush: Aha! A secret weapon!

SS: But how?!? How could he possibly know Tommy's one weakness?

DR: Stephens is reeling... BENSON HITS AN ACE CRUSHER!

Slush: Behold, the Doomsday Weapon!

DR: One! Two! Three! And that's it! Max Benson just pushed MBC up
three to one in the World Series!

[The strains of Thomas Dolby start up once more as Benson rolls to his
knees, cackling madly once again at the "utter destruction of a good
man". Tommy exits the ring, holding his head.]

DH: Here is your winner... MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAX
BENNNNNNNNNNSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNN!

And now leading in the World Series by a score of THREE wins to ONE...
THE M... B... C!

AM: This is not good! We're down three to one now, we've got to win the
last three matches to take the series.

SS: That's it Stephens, you're fired!

DR: Fans, we have to take a break right now but we'll be back with the
second hour of the show.

[We cut to the backstage area. Sure, we could describe the area but in the decades that this hobby has been around, do we really need to? A backstage area in one place is just as generic as a backstage area in another. There are crates and pipes and catering, you name it. You _imagine it._ I trust you buddy. Let your mind go wild. We can be all "Hey, its Inception!" without Leo DiCaprio and that chick who was in "Juno".

But what we will not leave up to your imagination is the figure of a woman. No, not that "Juno" chick.

Becky Carlisle-Skullhead, Commissioner of the MBC side of the roster.

She seems mad, which may or may not be new to you. Did you know she practices voodoo? If you didn't, you do now.

She's wearing a smart-looking business suit and is poking her head down any corridor or into any door she happens to pass. It's quite apparent that she's on a hero's journey of sorts, searching for something... or someone.]

Random Guy: Hey delicious!

[Most certainly not this guy. He's wearing a trench coat, a knit cap and inexplicably, he's chewing upon a piece of straw.]

Random Guy: Here to check out my stuff?

[Carlisle-Skullhead's eyes grow thin, as if she's imagining his head spontaneously combusting. If only she had her voodoo doll...]

Random Guy: I've got Luke Kinsey T-shirts, Gamma Ray thermoses, Eveline Eriksen inflatable sex dolls...

[This peddler of goods opens his trench coat to reveal a plethora of unauthorized UWF/MBC merchandise. How he got back to the backstage, we'll never know... or he'll never tell.]

BCS: Do you know who I am?

Random Guy: You're a potential customer. You look like you could use a Scott Daniels brand toaster.

BCS: I'm the Commissioner of the MBC and for right now, I'm in charge of the whole promotion. I don't even have to ask if any of that merchandise is authorized or legit. How the Hell did you get back here?

Random Guy: I know a dude who knows a guy. I'll tell him you said hello.

[Maybe it was one of those pesky Trey DaMann "spies?"]

BCS: You know, I'm kind of busy looking for a guy. I'll send somebody to beat you up later.

Random Guy: I know exactly what you need.

[The peddler rolls up his left sleeve revealing numerous pink bands, all of which have the letters "W.W.A.M.D.?" printed upon then.]

BCS: W.W.A.M.D.?

Random Guy: "What Would Aunt Maria Do?"

BCS: Oh you're asking for it with that one.

Random Guy: Listen lady, I don't even know who the hell this Aunt Maria broad is, but-...

[Karma.

How else can you explain what happens next?

Through divine intervention, random act of voodoo curse, or the awesome wrath of Aunt Maria, a football suddenly flies through the air and well...]

Random Guy: OH MY GROIN!

[He immediately crumples over, twitching in exquisite pain. Meanwhile, off-camera, a familiar female voice screams out in Japanese.]

"(Damnit, Yumi!)"

[Becky gives a shifty-eyed look for a second, not quite sure what the hell just happened, before stepping over the peddler's prone form and continues on her merry way. She doesn't have to walk far, before she stops dead in her tracks.]

BCS: I finally found you.

[The camera cuts to a dejected-looking man. His head hangs low and his posture is slouched; the very sight of him mirroring the absolute misery of his being. His expressionless face gives away nothing, but his eyes...those cold, dead soulless eyes look up, staring straight at Becky Carlisle-Skullhead with vague indifference. This is a man who's very existence is anathema to all around him.

A bitter, rage-filled malcontent.

UWF/MBC's resident curmudgeon.

And quite possibly, the greatest wrestler walking on the planet.

Juan Vasquez.

He's also got a pretty awesome dress shirt/necktie/hoodie combination going on...not that it's important, but it 's still pretty awesome. ]

JV: Well...I ain't exactly trying to hide.

[Usually he'd say this with a smirk or a grin...in some sort of smart-alecky way. But in his current state? It's just a deadpan delivery meant to be taken in the most literal way.]

BCS: Around here, things get lost in the circus.

JV: ...Right.

[Awkward silence. Juan's not exactly in the mood to laugh right now.]

JV: So...did you actually have something to say to me or did you just think it would be fun to waste my time?

BCS: I have a proposition for you, Mr. Vasquez.

[Juan frowns.]

JV: Now, it's not like I haven't entertained the idea...but we're both married people, Becky. And no offense, but you're not really my type.

[Becky narrows her eyes at him.]

BCS: It's not that sort of proposition.

[She seems slightly annoyed. What does he mean she's not his type?]

BCS: I want to put you in a match tonight.

[This causes Juan to chuckle.]

JV: Really? Last I heard, that wasn't in your job description.

BCS: Since Lee and Chambers are out for the rest of the night, I'm next in line. Heartbeat away and all that.

JV: Do you even realize what you're doing? If you were paying attention, Lee wasn't too happy about what I did to Epstein. Made me write a lot of checks and put me on double-secret probation. I'm not supposed to be wrestling on this show.

BCS: Didn't you hear me? I'm in charge now. Consider that order lifted.

JV: Just like that, huh?

[Juan snaps his fingers.]

JV: If you could do that, why even bother telling me? You're a big girl, ain't you? Just go ahead and make your match.

[It's Becky's turn to shake her head.]

BCS: You don't get it. I want to put you in a match against Gamma Ray.

[Juan blinks, a somewhat confused look appearing on his face. There has to be more to this than that.]

JV: That's it?

[He shakes his head.]

JV: If that's all you wanted, why even go to all this trouble? Was Erik Grimsson too busy painting his nails or something?

[Juan holds up his hand and twiddles his fingers.]

JV: I can't be the only person on this roster you could find who would want to wrestle him, so I have to ask...

Why me?

[Becky sighs.]

BCS: You don't get it. I'm not Lee. Or Chambers. Right now, I don't really care about how you wrestle...

...or how you hurt somebody.

[That caught Juan's attention. His eyes open wide for a split-second, before a barely visible smirk appears on his face.]

JV: I knew it.

[A chuckle.]

JV: I just didn't think you'd actually say it.

[The commish stares at Vasquez with a serious look on her face.]

BCS: Juan, I need somebody to take him down a peg and anybody I can think of on the MBC roster is busy or unavailable. But on UWF side, well...I can't think of anybody better to...

[Juan stops her and shakes his head.]

JV: That's all well and good, Becky...but what makes you think I'd want to help *you*?

[Becky meets Juan's gaze with a smile.]

BCS: How about a world title shot at Heaven and Hell?

[Woah. There's a short period of silence after Becky says that. After a moment, Juan looks up with a serious expression on his face.]

JV: You're kidding, right? Lee would never-...

[Becky holds up a contract in one hand and a pen in the other.]

BCS: Like I told you...I'm in charge now.

[Juan cautiously takes the contract from her hand, an unsure look on his face. He stares at the document closely, still not quite believing what Becky just did.]

BCS: So...do we have a deal?

[After a few seconds of reading, Juan looks up at Becky. He doesn't say a word...and reaches for her pen.]

BCS: I suppose that's a "Yes."

[Juan hands back the contract to Becky, who smiles, satisfied with completing her objective. However, as she turns to walk away, Juan yells out to her.]

JV: You know what's the funny thing, Becky?

[She stops and turns back around.]

JV: I would've done this for free.

[There's a smile on Juan's face now, but surprisingly, Becky meets his smile with one of her own.]

BCS: I knew that.

[Juan looks at her momentarily with a confused look on his face.]

BCS: You don't think I knew about that offer you gave to Chambers?

JV: Then why even...

BCS[Grinning]: I guess you can say...it's out of the goodness of my own heart.

[Nice one, Becky. Juan smiles, genuinely impressed by the lady commish.]

JV: You're just full of surprises, ain't you?

[Laughing, Juan turns to leave, although the moment he turns his back to Becky, that smile turns back into a grim, bitter look of pure misery. A promise of the pain to come. Becky is left there standing. After a moment, she can only close her eyes and remark to herself.]

BCS: Now _that_ is how you do a contract signing.

[Fade to obsidian.]
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