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NEFW Wrestlefest X; The final NEFW Supercard
Topic Started: May 30 2011, 07:17 PM (730 Views)
LBSJ
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This was to be the last NEFW show, a Reunion special featuring a "24-hour PPV" format which hearkened back to the very first NEFW show ever. It's only about a quarter of the way finished, but there's still some good work by the talent in here. Hope you enjoy.





(Minutes before the Pay-Per-View begins.)

(A rusted out 1970 Ford El Camino, thick black smoke pumping out of its exhaust, pulls into the parking lot. After several explosions of backfire, the vehicle breathes its last breath of life with a hiss of steam from under the hood and the driver side door opens. Several empty, crinkled Natty Lite beer cans bounce across the pavement, then a dirty fraying work boot thrusts out of the El Camino and slams into the ground, smashing a beer can under foot. A large man with long, brown hair appears from the vehicle and places a tie-died top hat on his head. Looking around, he slams a cooler on the roof of the vehicle.)

MAN: "This the place Zane."

A second man emerges from the passenger side of the El Camino.

ZANE: "Yeah Matt, I think it is."

MATT: "Think anyone will recognize us?" (Matt grabs a fresh Natty Lite from the cooler and downs its contents.)

ZANE: "I can't see how it matters. They decided not to invite us to the show."

MATT: "Come on Zane, don't be that way. I'm sure our invites just got lost in the mail. No matter though. With and the pair of tickets we snaked a few weeks back, we'll be able to take our place in the show."

ZANE: "I tell you what, my friend. I'm getting a little excited."

MATT: "I hear ya brother. It's time to shock the world all over again."

(Matt grabs another Natty Lite and slides the cooler off the roof of the vehicle.

With a hard creak, the El Camino's doors are slammed shut and the two men make their way though an empty parking lot towards a large building. As the two men disappear into the building's shadow, the view pans up and focuses on the Marquee above the building as "Wrestlefest X" scrolls across its face.)

(The countdown timer on the Pay-Per-View station reaches zero.)

(Your television screen fades briefly to black . . .)

(The NEFW logo flashes across your screen.)

(The sound of a guitar strumming begins, and after a moment a drumbeat follows.)

Hello

(The first chords of Shinedown's "I Dare You" strike up as against a dark background, a profile view of David Fineberg's face comes out of the shadows.)

let me introduce you to
The characters in the show

(Fineberg's face is replaced by a spin-around shot of the NEFW ring, and brief shots of The Rude Dude, Swift Nick, Omen, and The Senator. Then comes an image of Christian Cable, shot from behind, as he steps out onto the entrance ramp.)

One says yes, one says no
Decide - which voice in your head you can keep alive

(The shot changes to Drayven descending from the rafters towards the ring where Cross and Unforgiven await, and then to Shock Factor holding the Tag Team titles aloft. Then the face of "Smasher" John Harrison as he looks out from the ring towards the crowd, the NEFW World Title over his shoulder.)

Even in madness, I know you still believe
Paint me your canvas so I become
What you could never be

(We see Ronin emerging from the entranceway, his bat held aloft. Scourge stands in the ring, dwarfing a defiant Butcher Ben. Omen gives a brief smirk, his face seen from the side. Senton and Corona enter the ring, united. And then Blade ascends the top turnbuckle, the NEFW Championship held high.)

I dare you to tell me to walk through the fire
wear my soul and call me a liar

(Deckard takes down Suess with the Emerald Fusion. Johnny Demonic faces down Jesse Waltman in the ring, both of them talking trash. Aries appears at the top of the ramp, a great shower of pyro illuminating him in a glowing aura. Finally, a side view of the face of "Diamondback" Chris Myers, his face wet with perspiration.)

I dare you to tell me to walk through the fire
I dare you to tell me
I dare you to

(Jonnie Rose shows off the cruiserweight gold to the crowd. The Salaminizer delivers a Hot Lunch, to the disgust and delight of the audience. The Elite and the Fallen battle it out inside a steel cage. The International Renegades. The original Elite. The Kings of All. The Menace 2 Sobriety.)

Hello

(A brief shot of the face of Mondo Somatic during the instrumental break, which changes into Old Brown Heineken, which changes yet again into the Rude Dude.)

are you still chasing
The memories in shadows
Some stay young, some grow old
Come alive, there are thoughts unclear
You can never hide

(The Goth stands at the top of a darkened entrance ramp, eyes alight. Swift Nick delivers a Calico Corkscrew to Rasco Raines. Tommy McKnight completes his ring entrance, arms aloft in the ring. Cross and Unforgiven stand in the ring, the tag team titles with them. Jenna Jett hammers Joseph Masterson Vondikail with the Overdrive. A close up of the eyes of the monster, Hannibal.)

Even in madness, I know you still believe
Paint me your canvas so I become
What you could never be

(Mass Destruction engage in a free-for-all with Shock Factor. One Man Army delivers a Bonecracker to Blade. Racially Motivated Violence appear at the top of ramp with a static-filled NEFieTron above them. An entire locker room empties into the ring to hoist a triumphant Suess upon their shoulders, the NEFW title in his grasp.)

I dare you to tell me to walk through the fire
wear my soul and call me a liar
I dare you to tell me to walk through the fire
I dare you to tell me
I dare you to

(Drunken Master raises a hand high in the Cones n' Kegs match. An explosion shakes the ring during a Futonal Pleasure Match. A cadre of talent battle it out 10,000 feet in the air during Pete's Wicked Pay-Per-View match. Little Blue Super Jew plummets through a stack of flaming tables in a Hebrew Death Match. Blade's face is smashed up against the Hell in the Cell at the hands of Mondo Somatic.)

Hello
Hello...

(Another montage of images. Doctor Melancholy hits a Melonballer to become the first person to take down Hannibal. Fighting Mad Jesus rises from beneath the entrance ramp with the Cross behind him. Senton delivers a K-MAD to Jenna Jett. Then Old Brown Heineken, in front of a vast European crowd, stands in the midst of an overpowering outpouring of cheers.)

I dare you to tell me to walk through the fire
Brand my soul and call me a liar
I dare you to tell me to walk through the fire
I dare you to tell me
I dare you to
Hello...

(We see Rasco Raines and Rein Engel battling it out atop a scaffold. Raptor delivering the 6-Inch Claw to the Crimson Christian. Little Blue Super Jew and Corona wrestling side by side with Suess and Senton. The Salaminizer and Inferno in an empty swimming pool. Ronin with the NEFW Championship, standing in the middle of the ring, camera flashes exploding around a darkened arena.)

Hello...
I dare you to tell me
I dare you to
I dare you to tell me
I dare you to

(There is one final tableau of the NEFW ring with the images of the dozens who have gone through the fed over the years walking through it in various poses. "The Outlaw" Tyler Brock. Jesse Waltman. Ronin. Blade. Suess. Drunken Master. Rob Gunn. "Smasher" John Harrison. Doctor Melancholy. Christian Cable. Fighting Mad Jesus. Little Blue Super Jew. Wraack. "Diamondback" Chris Myers. "The Prodigy" Rein Engel. The Magician. Minion-X. Johnny Demonic. Old Brown Heineken. Jenna Jett. Deckard. Dark Fate. Senton. Tommy McKnight. The Crimson Christian. Hannibal. Rude Dude. Drayven. Finally, one last image of a shadowed, generic image, arms aloft, the NEFW World Title held high.)

(Just like that, we are live at TD Banknorth Garden in the birthplace of the NEFW, Boston, Massachusetts. 19,580 screaming fans fill the sold out arena as thousands of flashbulbs go off at once, the camera panning across the audience and zeroing in on signs in the crowd, including;

DOCTOR MELANCHOLY, WE LOVE YOU
HANNIBAL ATE MY PARENTS
WE MISS YOU, NEFW
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU FOUND DRAYVEN!
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU COULDN'T FIND DECKARD
THIS IS SO COOL!
SENATOR FOR PRESIDENT
TEAM CANADA'S BACK, EH?
RMV4EVA
THE GUY NEXT TO ME IS A HAPPY CRAPPY
CAN I WRESTLE BLADE, TOO?
I CAME TO SEE SUESS
(Spelled out across 8 Fans) R U D E D U D E
WE WANT JENNA JETT ANYWAY WE CAN HAVE HER
JOHNNY DEMONIC STOLE MY CATCHPHRASE
OLD BROWN HEINEKEN PUT MY ASS IN THIS SEAT
TRUE M2S FAN; BOUGHT MY TICKET WITH RECYCLED CANS
GIVE US 10 MORE YEARS!

Pyro explodes from the ring and entrance ramp, storms of fireworks bursting into the air and filling the area with smoke as the multi-colored shower of sparks and fire. The heat, noise, and color are all-compassing until from the announce booth, a voice cuts through the ether.)

LESTER HOLLAND: "HELLO, EVERYONE! And WELCOME, to WRESTLEFEST X!!" I cannot express how excited I am to be here at the sold out Banknorth Garden in Massachusetts, the birthplace of the NEFW, and now maybe the site of it's final resting place as we come together tonight, this morning, this afternoon, and tomorrow night, 24 straight hours of the North Eastern Federation of Wrestling as we celebrate our 10th anniversary with the greatest gathering of talent in a decade of existance! For the next entire day, I will be your commentator, Lester Holland, and with me, of course, is . . . "

EVIL MASKED ANNOUNCER II: "One entire day of suffering and violence?! Has there ever been a greater cause to celebrate? Truly, puny Holland, this shall be a bacchanal of blood such as the world has never seen before! All will remember this day as a day of EVIL!"

LH: "It's going to be tough blocking out the sound of your voice for 24 hours straight, but I'll give it my best shot. We've got an incredible line up for you here, this will truly be the greatest event in NEFW; culminating in what our promoter, David Fineberg, tells us will be the biggest double main event in history. One of the matches he has kept under lock and key, but the other we have already found out will be a triple threat match between the three biggest legends in all our 10 years, Rude Dude, Old Brown Heineken, and Mondo Somatic, all in one ring, one time, and with only one winner!"

EMAII: "We shall witness brutal spectacle in the form of a Tag Team Gauntlet match featuring some of the most murderous teams in our history! A cruiserweight TLC match in which surely someone will meet their horrible end! Unspecified matches I have been assured by lord Satan will contain horrific acts that we can only show on Pay-Per-View!"

LH: "We have literally dozens of matches signed tonight with even more NEFW superstars, and - wait, I think we're about to be joined by one now!"

(The NEFie-Tron comes to life, showing only an illumination of a silhouette at first, and then, with the flash of the word "Mr. President" it is filled by the visage of none other than the organizer of the event, David Fineberg.)

Veren zol fun dir a blintsa

(How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey
(How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey
(How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey
And all the goyim say I'm pretty fly for a rabbi

LH: "It's the boss! David Fineberg is here to kick us off!"

(To the tune of Weird Al Yankovic's "Pretty Fly for a Rabbi," the manager of Wrestlefest X makes his way down the entrance ramp. Dressed to the nines, he's the picture of style as he waves to the crowd, an enormous smile on his face as he enters the ring, going up the stairs and through the ropes. Then, the crowd cheers again as from the top of the ramp, the entrance music still playing, Manslayer appears lugging behind him the metal case containing the combined NEFW championship belts. As he makes his way to joining Fineberg in the ring, the man in charge takes a microphone from a ring hand and grins at the crowd, who cheer him on as Manslayer strains to heave the case into the ring with him. As the Japanese warrior slowly climbs the canvas, the orchestrator brings the mic up close and officially kicks off the event.)

DAVID FINEBERG: "THIS - IS - WRESTLEFEST X!"

(The Boston crowd lets out an enormous roar of approval as they flash their signs again, the camera view switching to a wide crowd shot and panning across to show the sold out arena before moving back to Fineberg and Manslayer.)

FINEBERG: "I want to thank everyone for coming out here tonight, not just the nearly twenty thousand here in attendance, but the millions watching our Pay-Per-View broadcast and simulcast online, all across the globe, to celebrate the 10th anniversary of the NEFW!"

(Fineberg takes a moment to clasp his hands together in thanks and bow, which Manslayer mimicks automatically upon seeing the gesture.)

FINEBERG: "Tonight, we shall see the greatest superstars of the NEFW's past and present reuniting for one night to relive the glory and action which put us on top for a decade running. From humble beginnings to explosive runs at the peak of the business, the North Eastern Federation of Wrestling has been the pinnacle of the wrestling world, and tonight we invite each and every one of you to share with us the celebration of that decade. This will be the party of the century, and I hope you're prepared to stay up all night, because we have rented 24 straight hours of satellite time, and we intend to use every single second of it!"

LH: "That's right folks, we are going to be live and uneditted for 24 straight hours, and we can stay awake if you can!"

EMAII: "Evil never sleeps!"

FINEBERG: "Now I have promised both you, the fans, and the scores of wrestlers in the back that this will be the greatest show in NEFW history, and I intend to deliver. For you see, I've worked out not only the matches announced on the 24 hours worth of booking, but also a number of surprise matches to be worked into the card, and among them I have scheduled every NEFW title to be defended. At this time, I shall reveal the matches and the lucky competitors who will have the chance to win gold tonight! Manslayer - the case!"

(With a final grunting heave, Manslayer flings the metal case onto the ground in front of Fineberg and opens the latches on the sides. Within are the seven belts representing six championships held in highest prestige among the wrestling world; the Pete's Wicked Ale PPV Championship, the NEFW Cruiserweight Championship, the NEFW Hardcore Championship, the NEFW Unified Intercontinental Championship, the NEFW Tag Team Titles, and the greatest prize of them all, the NEFW World Championship. Manslayer picks up the dented and scarred Hardcore title and displays it, seemingly grateful to have only the weight of one title to bear instead of all six belts.)

FINEBERG: "The Hardcore championship. Tonight, it's long and brutal history will be represented as three of this federation's bloodiest, nastiest, and downright meanest competitors will square off for the right to call themselves the Hardcore Champion - because in Hour Fourteen of this show, The Salaminizer, Scourge, and Raptor will fight one another in a Swimming Pool of Death match, with the Hardcore Title on the line!"

(The graphic for the match appears on the NEFieTron as the audience cheers. Manslayer puts the Hardcore Title back in the case and brings the Cruiserweight Title up.)

FINEBERG: "This representation of all the most intense and exciting wrestlers in the NEFW's proud tradition will also be on the line tonight, in one of the most anticipated slugfests of all time. The NEFW Cruiserweight Champion, by the end of the night, will be either Johnny Demonic, Swift Nick, Little Blue Super Jew, "The One Man Show" Rasco Raines, "The Prodigy" Rein Engel, or "The Suicide Blonde" Tommy McKnight, as the winner of their Tables, Ladders, and Chairs match will also win the right to become the Champion!"

(The TLC logo and the still images of the six competitors appears on screen as the crowd gives it's vocal approval of the decision. Manslayer replaces the Cruiserweight belt in the case and brings the Tag Team titles up to bear.)

FINEBERG: "Hour Fourteen will feature two title matches, and Hour Nine won't be any slouch either, as 11 teams will run the gauntlet to see which one earns the right to call themselves the NEFW Tag Team Champions!"

(22 men find their likenesses on the NEFieTron as the announcement is made, and the Japanese warrior puts down the two gleaming golden belts and brings up the impressive Unified Intercontinental title.)

FINEBERG: "One of the highest honors that can be awarded in this company, whether it be called the North American Championship, the New England States Championship, or, as we choose to represent it here tonight, the Unified Intercontinental Championship, the UIC belt has long held the honor of being the second most important title an individual can win in this sport. In the sixteenth hour of this show, Little Blue Super Jew, Tommy McKnight, "Diamondback" Chris Myers, Aries "God of War," Joseph Masterson Vondikail, and Joey Steroidz will all compete for chance to hold it one more time in the Tag Team Rage Match!"

(As the six images go up along with the Rage match graphic, lines criss-crossing between each wrestler to symbolize that any teammate might end up fighting his own partner. Manslayer sets the UIC belt down and finally lifts up the long-awaited NEFW World Championship, the very sight of which elicits a cheer from the crowd.)

FINEBERG: "And finally, I'd like to clear up a few of those "To be announced" matches. I'd like to clear up . . . 7 of them, actually. You see, those matches, listed anonymously on the card . . . including one of our two MAIN EVENTS . . . are matches in the WORLD TITLE TOURNAMENT which will be held ALL THROUGHOUT the next 24 hour period!"

(There is a great eruption of applause from the audience, as well as murmered speculation, which quickly grow into chants as people demand participants in the tournament.)

FINEBERG: "I know, I know, you all want to know who has the right to compete for the gold. Then let me hold you in suspense no longer. The eight men who will step up to the plate and try to capture the biggest, greatest honor of them all, will be . . .


BLADE!

(An enormous outpouring of cheers lights up the Garden as Blade's graphic appears on the screen, filling up one of 8 silhouetted bodies set on either side of a giant-scale image of the NEFW Championship.)

SUESS!

(The man who never lost the title at all joins Blade, appearing opposite him as the fans rabidly cheer him on.)

DRAYVEN!

(As Drayven's dark visage appears as entrant number 3, the cheers only intensify as the crowd revs into overdrive, already watering at the mouth at the thought of the matches this tournament will spawn.)

OLD BROWN HEINEKEN!

(And that kicks them over the edge, as "OBH" chants break out, filling the arena as counter-chants for the other three begin to spark as well, overlapping with the chants still going on for entrants people want to see in the tournament. The Garden becomes an incomprehensible cacophony of noise in short order, and Fineberg is only halfway through.)

MONDO SOMATIC!

(Mondo's name satisfies hundreds who had been screaming for his entry, and his appearance alongside the other four makes them break out into thunderous cheers of approval.)

ONE MAN ARMY!

(The entry of what many would consider a dark horse entrant stuns the crowd as the sixth competitor appears on the screen, and the shock of his appearance throws the crowd into only further speculation about who else might be involved.)

RUDE DUDE!

(The seventh name pleases everyone, and as the counter of shadowed figures on the NEFieTron graphic drops to one, massive "Rude Dude" chants join the disharmonic symphony of the other names the audience continues to drop. The fans reach a fever pitch as Fineberg stalls in the ring, one finger extended in the air, making the fans shiver in anticipation as they demand to know who the final entrant in the tournament is.)

And . . . the final entrant into the NEFW World Title tournament, AND the final man to sign on to the card of Wrestlefest X . . . the 8th competitor . . . the man UNLISTED on the roster for the show . . .

(A great hush falls over the crowd as the suspense has now gone past the point where it can be expressed in noise.)

. . . THIS MAN!

(There is a pronounced pause, and then . . .

Lock all the doors, kill the lights.
No one's coming home tonight.
The sun beats down and don't you know?
All our lives are growing cold, oh...

The arena is reduced to a twilight haze as a couple spot lights turn red and are directed towards the entrance. Tool's "No Quarter" fills the air as the Ronin emblem appears on the big screen.)

LH: "I DON'T BELIEVE IT! IT'S RONIN! THE FINAL ENTRANT IS RONIN!!"

(A large red monolith rises up from the stage and begins to rotate around revealing Ronin crouched behind it; with his red cloth-wrapped bat held against the ground. Ronin stands and steps off the platform. Just as Ronin leaves his post a pyro erupts engulfing the monolith. Ronin stands at the edge of the ramp for a moment and then slowly makes his way to the ring.

Ronin slides into the squared-circle and angrily approaches David Fineberg. Ronin rips the microphone out of David's hand and forces the man back with the end of his bat. Ronin begins to walk a large circle around the ring, never moving his agitated gaze from David Fineberg.)

RONIN: "So, let me get this straight. You come to my home, abuse my hospitality, beg me to appear at your pathetic NEFW reunion show; and now you think to call me out here like I'm some lap dog, as if I owe you some kind of allegiance. Well, let me speak plainly, David. I owe you nothing. I don't give a shit about the money you tried to bribe me with. You're a pathetic individual that deserves to be put out of his misery. But I
guess you'll be getting yourself a reprieve for another day 'cause that's not why I'm here either."

(Ronin turns his gaze towards the big screen and points his bat as the screen as it flickers to life.)

RONIN: "This is why I'm here."

(On the big screen, a scene shows an event in NEFW history where Ronin is
defending the NEFW World Title against Rob Gunn. A successful defense was
achieved as Ronin defeated Rob Gunn, but what followed was one of the heinous attacks to date as Ronin leaves Rob Gunn bloodied and unconscious in the center of the ring. The scene fades as medics rush the ring and Ronin simply walks away, Gunn's blood smeared across his body and the NEFW World Title. In the next scene, an NEFW representative is giving a statement to the press announcing that Ronin has been stripped of the NEFW World Title due to unsportsmanlike conduct. The big screen blacks out.)

(Ronin begins to pace around the ring once more.)

RONIN: "Has any other Superstar ever had to suffer such a humiliation in NEFW history? I don't think so, and the stigma of that day has had to live with me ever since. But now retribution is at hand. The NEFW World Title will be returned to me where it belongs. It makes no difference who the other seven combatants are in this feeble attempt at a tournament. My destiny has been laid before me and all who stand in my way will feel its embrace."

(Ronin drops the microphone and falls out of the ring then simply walks
out of the ring.)

(The arrival and departure of the eighth and final man competing for the World Title has stuns the audience, who begin to recover after he departs, the chords of "No Quarter" starting up again as he makes his exit. Nervously, Fineberg regains the microphone, now looking up at the graphic on the NEFieTron containing the eight men who will compete for the title in a day-long mini-tournament; Blade, Suess, Drayven, Old Brown Heineken, Mondo Somatic, One Man Army, Rude Dude, and Ronin. The camera closes in on his eyes, and he seems to be wondering if he's made a terrible mistake.)

(Manslayer taps him on the shoulder, bringing him back to his senses with a start. Realizing he's holding the mic, he looks out at the crowd and tries to smile.)

FINEBERG: "That, uh, that's what I'm all about here in the NEFW, folks; honest entertainment, and that was . . .well, that was honesty. Regardless, there you have it; your competitors for the NEFW titles, as well as, of course, the Pete's Wicked Ale Pay-Per-View title, which will be decided in the one-hour long weapon's battle royale, involving everyone on the card!"

(The final title match graphic airs, with everyone's image now appearing against a background littered with weapons of all shapes and sizes, ranging from steel chairs to kayak paddles to a live midget.)

FINEBERG: "But enough talking! We're on a schedule here, and we need to keep it! We're allowed exactly 24 hours of satellite time, and I intend to use every second of it - Manslayer, get the belts! We've got more surprises for all of you all day and night fans, so let's get started!"

(The crowd of nearly 20,000 rises to their feet as Fineberg's music begins playing again and the boss exits, a pained-looking Manslayer once again lugging the heavy metal case containing over 70 pounds of gold and leather with him. The pair make their way back up the ramp, and with that, we return to our announcers, the Pay-Per-View officially underway.)
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EMAII: "Truly an explosive beginning!"

LH: "You're telling me! This Pay-Per-View is already off to an amazing start, and we've only taken up 20 minutes of satellite feed time so far!"

EMAII: "What Pay-Per-View? I was referring to when I was birthed in the fiery eruption which destroyed Pompeii! Ha ha ha! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

LH: "This'll be fun, I can tell already. Ladies and gentlemen, here's how the evening works. We are about to officially begin our first match, featuring a classic clash as Tommy McKnight squares off with Swift Nick. Now, according to the timer here at the announce table, we are just now hitting 20 minutes into our satellite time; every planned segment of the show has been broken down into 30-minute blocks. Should that half hour not be taken up completely, the match after it inherits it's "bonus" time. Now, David Fineberg has guaranteed that we will use every second of those 24 hours, so if there's enough cumulative bonus time at the end of the show, who knows what might happen?"

EMAII: "If you like, I could slice you open and use your steaming guts as an augur to discover the future."

LH: "As great as that sounds, it's time to get started with the first match of this supercard! Let's go to Pete Dux, in the ring!"

(The camera switches to a view of long-time NEFW ring announcer Pete Dux, in a rented tuxedo as he smiles and waves at the crowd. With a flourish, he brings the mic up for the first time in years.)

PETE DUX: "Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall, and has a time limit of . . . 38 minutes! Introducing first . . ."

Shockwave!
Massive Attack!

PD: "Weighing in at 228lbs, "THE SUICIDE BLONDE," TOMMY MCKNIGHT!"

Atomic Blast!
Son of a Gun is Back!

(The crowd gives a pop as the entrance music of "The Suicide Blonde" opens up the matches for the evening to the tune of "Son of a Gun" By KMFDM, and one of the most decorated stars in NEFW History, Tommy McKnight, steps out onto the ramp. Fist in the air, the tow-headed superstar makes his way down to the ring and leaps onto the apron, hopping atop the turnbuckle and holding his arms skyward as camera flashes and picture phones spark all around the arena. He jumps off the turnbuckle and bounces back and forth between feet, awaiting the start of the match.)

PD: "And, his opponent . . .

Looking down from the skybox, watching the whole block
Throw 'em in the air if you hate me now
Not getting your truce, getting loose

PD: "Weighing 203 lbs, SWIFT NICK!"

Like the noose on my neck
I'm bringing the next suburban curse
If I make it baby you can drive my hearse

(The rhythmic drum beat of the music starts off, followed by a blast of white pyro from the stage as the song kicks in. Swifty trots out onto the stage carrying his signature skateboard, headbanging and rocking out to his song, playing to the fans. He drops his deck and skates down to the ring, kicking his board off to the side as he slides into the ring. In the ring, he poses with his arms spread out in the middle of the ring as all four corners shoot up a spray of white pyro.)

LH: "The referee has called for the bell, and this match is underway!"

EMAII: "Look at them sizing one another up, clearly the larger McKnight is deciding which parts of the puny Nick he should eat first."

LH: "This match isn't about cannibalism!"

EMAII: "Then what's the point?"

LH: "McKnight makes the first move here, seizing control with a hammerlock. Nick flips out of it, and there are some back elbows. Nick is free, he goes to the ropes . . . McKnight dodges the clothesline attempt, and catches Swifty with a hard right. McKnight pressing the advantage now, he's got a wristlock on . . . and shoves Nick down to the mat! McKnight goes for the standing moonsault - Nick rolls out of the way!"

EMAII: "The Suicide Blonde is looking to live up to his name. Much like my friend in the cult business, the Mass Suicide Redhead."

LH: "What's he doing these days?"

EMAII: "He got into the fertilizer industry."

LH: "Interesting stuff. Here comes Nick with an arm drag, bringing down McKnight. He follows up with a leg drop, catching Tommy across the chest. Nick goes for an early cover - McKnight quick to break it up."

EMAII: "It will take far more suffering to end the life of the blonde one!"

LH: "Nick brings McKnight back to his feet . . rake of the eyes by Tommy!"

EMAII: "HA HA HA! Gouge them out, McKnight! Then eat them to grow stronger!"

LH: "I don't think that's how it works. Tommy pushes Nick to the ropes, there's the Irish whip, and a dropkick!! Standing dropkick plants Nick, a beautiful move by Tommy, and now he's going to the turnbuckle while Nick is down . . . MOONSAULT! Tommy got all of that one! He goes in for the cover!"

ONE!








TWO!!













- And a kickout at two!"

EMAII: "Why does McKnight toy with his opponent so? Drive a spike into his feeble mortal heart, and drink from the juices which pour forth!"

LH: "How did you even get a job as a color man?"

EMAII: "Do you remember your old broadcast partner, Jerry Brooks?"

LH: "Somewhat, yes."

EMAII: "I ate his eyes and absorbed his power! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

LH: " . . . that's disgusting. McKnight in control of Nick here, hammering him with some hard right hands. Nick goes into the ropes; here comes McKnight with the crossbody - LOW BRIDGE! Nick gets out of the way and Tommy just sailed down to the floor! Unbelievable! The Suicide Blonde just smacked the concrete, and I think Nick just turned this thing around!"

EMAII: "Now Tommy is in the perfect position for Nick to exact horrible violence upon his person. Unless Tommy shoots him!"

LH: "You can't bring guns to a wrestling match!"

EMAII: "That explains why the wrestling commission refuses to recognize my undefeated streak."

LH: "Tommy manages to get to his feet - NICK GOES OVER THE TOP WITH A SUICIDE PLANCHA! Tommy and Nick both down on the ground now, and I have to wonder if that move hurt or helped Nick!"

EMAII: "Self-preservation is seldom on the mind of someone who places "Suicide" in his own moniker!"

LH: "Nick appearing unsteady as he gets up, Tommy following him around, and this fight has suddenly taken to the outside! Nick goes for an Irish whip - reversal! TOMMY SENDS HIM INTO THE STEPS! Swift Nick just ate steel! Suicide goes off the stairs - flying legdrop!! And he DRIVES Nick into that concrete floor! It appears McKnight is quick to recover here from Nick's previous onslaught!"

EMAII: "At times like this, I find it pays to praise Satan, and look to the forces of Evil to provide the carnage we all so richly desire!"

LH: "We just might find it, evil or no, as Tommy rolls a helpless Swift Nick back into the ring. Tommy goes up to the top turnbuckle! He - SUICIDE BOMB! SUICIDE BOMB!! TOMMY CAUGHT NICK WITH A SUICIDE BOMB! HE GOES FOR THE COVER!



ONE!






















TWO!!























THR----- NICK KICKS OUT!! MY GOD! NICK JUST KICKED OUT OF THE SUICIDE BOMB!"

EMAII: "I find the use of a move called the Suicide Bomb highly entertaining in today's society!"

LH: "Tommy is in disbelief here! He can't believe Nick kicked out of one of his strongest manuevers! He's bringing Nick up - could be the Ass-Whipper!! There's the set-up . . . blocked! And Nick counters with a jawbreaker!! Tommy is stunned, and Nick goes to the ropes! Here he comes towards Tommy -- CRUCIFIX NECK SCISSORS! He just hurled McKnight halfway across the ring! McKnight scrambles to his feet - BUZZSAW! AND NICK HAS HIM DOWN! A COVER!!


ONE!













TWO!!



















THREEEEEEKICKOUT BY MCKNIGHT!!"

EMAII: "Evil forces are truly conspiring to keep Tommy McKnight alive!"

LH: "Nick keeping the offensive here, hammering Tommy with some stiff right hands - McKnight counters! INTO THE FULL NELSON SLAM! Tommy unable to make a cover here with Nick on the mat, it looks like the Suicide Blonde needs a moment to recover from the beating he just took at Nick's hands!"

EMAII: "If he'd just brought a gun, this could've been settled much earlier."

LH: "Tommy supporting himself on the ropes, managing to get to his feet. He comes after Nick, and catches him with a hard right just over the eye! Nice shot by Tommy, if somewhat illegal."

EMAII: "No one follows that stupid closed fist rule! I would personally eat the soul of any referee who enforced it!"

LH: "Tommy sends Nick into the ropes, and there's a clothesline by McKnight! Nick goes down! Tommy brings Nick up - and into a Gutbuster! Nick clutching his stomach in pain, and Tommy just applied an abdominal stretch! Great logic by the former World Champion!"

EMAII: "Indeed, with his midsection weakened, McKnight can now rip the small one in half! MWA HA HA!"

LH: "The referee looking for a tapout here, but Nick's not giving in. Ref checks again, but Nick refuses to quit. I think he . . . Nick gets in an elbow! And another one! A third, Tommy breaks the hold! OH MY! A DRAGONRANA! DRAGONRANA! NICK HOOKS THE LEGS! THIS COULD BE IT!!




ONE!!



















TWO!!


















THR- SHOULDER UP! SHOULDER UP BY TOMMY MCKNIGHT! UNBELIEVABLE!"

EMAII: "An incredible move, right on par with the Tongan Heart Yank!"

LH: "Nick has Tommy down, and hammers him with those right hands! Nick off the ropes now - baseball slide into Tommy's face! The Suicidal One is on dream street! Nick going to the top!"

EMAII: "If there are any snipers in the crowd, now is the time to make your presence felt!"

LH: "Nick comes off the top turnbuckle - FROG SPLASH TO MC- NO!! TOMMY GETS HIS KNEES UP! TOMMY RAISES THE KNEES! MORE DAMAGE TO NICK'S INJURED GUT!"

EMAII: "Now he shall assuredly surrender his previous meals back unto daylight!"

LH: "Tommy on his feet, pushing an unbalanced Nick into the ropes! Nick comes off - ducks a clothesline attempt - Nick with the cross body! McKnight ducks!! Tommy turns as Nick rises - ASS-WHIPPER! ASS-WHIPPER!! MCKNIGHT GOT IT! THERE'S THE COVER!!!



ONE!!


















TWO!!







































THREE!!!




The ref count --- WAIT! NO!! SWIFT NICK HAS HIS FOOT ON THE ROPES!!"

EMAII: "Tommy you fool, do not celebrate before your opponent's head decorates a plaque on your mantle!"

LH: "McKnight thinks he's won it, the referee is telling him that the three count is invalid! McKnight seems to realize the situation now, and he looks livid! He's going after Nick with a fury - NICK WITH A DROP TOE HOLD! NICK FACEPLANTS MCKNIGHT! INTO AN STF!"

EMAII: "Break out of it, McKnight! You haven't yet fulfilled your pact with glorious Satan!!"

LH: "I thought Nick was the one who worshipped Satan?"

EMAII: "That's Blood Dragon you foolish mortal, he wears a mask when he does it! It's totally different!"

LH: "Uh, anyway, Nick with an STF on Tommy McKnight in the middle of the ring! This looks bad for Tommy! He's got nowhere to go and Nick has really got that cinched on! Tommy . . . look at that! Tommy is refusing to quit! He's trying to make it to the ropes!!"

EMAII: "Those seven feet can seem like the long road down to hell when another man is rendering your muscles in twain as you try to traverse them!"

LH: "Is evil always so eloquent?"

EMAII: "No, but I am EXCEPTIONALLY Evil!"

LH: "Tommy pawing and scratching at every inch of canvas trying to make it to those ropes! The referee is asking him if he wants to give up, but he just refuses to quit! And Nick won't break the hold for even a second! Tommy's got guts, I'll give him that!"

EMAII: "As do I! In this cooler, under the table!"

LH: "He's actually making progress! This is incredible; McKnight has nearly reached the ropes! He's almost there . . . almost . . . he . . . Nick lets him go! Nick rolled off of him just as he was about to touch the bottom rope! I wonder - OH! Elbow drop to McKnight's spine!!"

EMAII: "Swift Nick obviously saw his tact was not working, and chose more direct methods of inflicting bodily harm!"

LH: "Nick pressing the attack on McKnight, and now here's a hammerlock! McKnight reverses - Nick flips out of it! Tommy holds on with a wristlock . . . Nick with a hard elbow manages to escape! Irish Whip into the turnbuckle for McKnight! Here comes Nick, could be a huracanrana! NO! MCKNIGHT CATCHES HIM IN THE AIR! POWERBOMB! POWERBOMB PLANTS NICK!! SPINE-SHATTERING POWERBOMB BY THE SUICIDE BLONDE!"

EMAII: "HA HA HA! Now this match shall reach it's bone-crushing conclusion!"

LH: "McKnight can't capitolize just yet . . . here he comes, bringing Nick to his feet - ASS-WHIPPER - NO! Nick catches the foot . . and spins Tommy around - SWIFT SCORCHER! SWIFT SCORCHER!! HE GOT ALL OF IT! MCKNIGHT IS OUT!! THERE'S A COVER!!


ONE!!















TWO!!


























THREE!!

*Ding Ding Ding!*

PD: "Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner of this match via pinfall, SWIFT NICK!"

LH: "NICK DID IT! NICK DID IT!"

EMAII: "FEH! Foolishness, I would be more upset were it not for the millions of other chances for untimely death left in the evening."

LH: "Nick gets his hand raised in the first match of the next twenty-four hours! Time of match . . . 12:20! That means we now have a time bank of . . . 25 minutes. Quite an inheritance, and we'll see how use of it gets made as up next is one of the mystery matches which has been revealed to be part of the World Title Tournament! Who will be wrestling?"

EMAII: "The only way to find out is to sacrifice a virgin upon an altar lined with the entrails of - "

LH: "The only way to find out is to stay tuned!"

EMAII: "BAH!"
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(The cameras now bring us backstage, where we find David Fineberg in his office, shuffling through papers with a hurried expression on his face. Just then, the door bursts open from off-camera, and Fineberg looks up and then winces at what he sees. The camera pulls back reveal none other than Typhoon.)

TYPHOON: "Boss man!"

FINEBERG: "Uh . . . "

TYPHOON: "This is great! Thanks for inviting me to this show. You're the man, Fineberg."

FINEBERG: (Looking through his sheets with a confused expression) "I don't remember inviting . . . "

TYPHOON: "Let's not bother ourselves with the details. So, what can I do for you? You want to put me in the World Title tournament, right? Guaranteed entrant? A triple threat match for the title! You're a genius!"

FINEBERG: "That's not - "

TYPHOON: "Hey, I bet you need someone to oil down Jenna Jett before her match, don't you? I'm all over it boss, don't worry about it for one more second, I'm your man!"

FINEBERG: "She doesn't - "

TYPHOON: "And what about that Pete's Wicked Ale Battle Royale? You've got to have someone hold the title for the match, right? Hey, how about I just take the belt now, and - "

FINEBERG: "Tugboat!"

TYPHOON: "Typhoon."

FINEBERG: "Right. Listen."

(The boss takes a slow look over at Manslayer, who blinks, unaware of why he's being looked at. Then he looks back at Typhoon.)

FINEBERG: "Have a seat Typhoon, I think I have a job for you after all."

(All smiles, Typhoon pulls up a chair as the camera returns to the announcers booth.)

EMAII: "Few things cause evil more than constant annoyance. Wars have been fought based on mosquito bites!"

LH: "And I'm sure you were there, in some capacity."

EMAII: "I AM EVERYWHERE!"

LH: "Well that was Typhoon, apparantly joining us here for the evening despite not being booked in any matches. But now we return to matches which definitely WERE on the card, because we're about to kick off the World Title Tournament which will be taking place all throughout the next 23 hours and 20 minutes! We know the tournament is taking place, but Fineberg didn't mention who would be fighting whom! Let's go to Pete Dux."

PD: "LADIES and GENTLEMEN, the following match is a part of the NEFW WORLD TITLE TOURNAMENT!"

(A great cheer rises from the crowd as Pete makes the announcement.)

PD: "Introducing first . . . .

Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel
Was just a freight train coming your way

PD: "Weighing in at 270lbs, SUESS!!"

Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel
Was just a freight train coming your way

(No Leaf Clover starts to play over the system, and curtains are pulled back toreveal a 20 piece string symphony. They begin to play live with MEtallica in the background. Two green flashlights point to the entrance area and pyro erupts from both sides of the door. From the sparks steps Suess, to large cheers from the audience. On his way to the ring, Suess stops to sign the poster of a small boy - Suess - The People's Champ. Stepping slowly into the ring, Suess survays the crowd then raises his hands to an even larger cheer. The symphony raises to a concerto as Suess removes his jacket ready for battle.)

LH: "And have you ever heard such an ovation as for the returning Suess!! The undefeated Champion!"

EMAII: "Suess overcame great evil to capture his World Title, and MAY IT CRUSH HIS SOUL IN FOUL VENGEANCE TONIGHT!"

PD: "And his opponent . . .

I remember falling
I remember marching
Like a one man army

PD: "Weighing in at 285lbs . . . ONE MAN ARMY!!

Through the blaze
I know I'm coughing
I believe in something

(To the tune of "One Man Army" by Our Lady Peace, the bearer of the song's namesake appears atop the ramp. He stands there emotionlessly as he looks down the entranceway, and then throws out his arms, causing a string of pyro to erupt on both sides in a constant stream from top to bottom. At the conclusion, a shower of sparks bursts out from behind him, and from that cloud of fire and smoke he marches towards the ring, sliding in and staring down Suess as the crowd chants "O-M-A.")

LH: "Suess and One Man Army to kick off the title tournament! What a match!"

EMAII: "What a fine representation of evil in One Man Army! He used to train in the depths of hell, and wrestled the secrets of torment out of history's worst serial killers!"

LH: "He didn't really do that."

EMAII: "Shut up, Holland! What do you know?"

LH: "I know Pete Dux is leaving the ring, and there's the bell! Suess vs. One Man Army, the first match in the tournament for the NEFW title!"

EMAII: "May evil guide it's hand!"

LH: "Suess and One Man Army squaring off here, neither appearing to want to go into a lock up right away. I would say One Man Army probably has the advantage here in terms of physical strength, but history has proven time and again that Suess's technical knowledge is more than a match for foes of any size."

EMAII: "Just a foolish example of people thinking good thoughts can triumph over evil force."

LH: "There's a lock-up . . . shoulder-elbow tie-up on One Man Army. Suess backs him into the corner, and OMA manages to power out. Army reverses the hold, into a wristlock on Suess. Irish Whip to the ropes . . . Suess ducks a clothesline attempt. And catches One Man Army with an elbow. Here comes Suess, pressing the assault with some hard lefts. One Man Army fighting back, and this is quickly degenerating into a slugfest."

EMAII: "HA! Suess will be beaten to a pulp in a fist fight against the strength of One Man Army!"

LH: "You might be right, Suess stunned here by OMA's barrage, he couldn't keep up with the big man physically! Suess into the ropes now, and OMA gets him, flooring him with a clothesline! OMA goes for an early cover - kickout at one. It's not that easy with Suess. Army hefts Suess up . . . and right back down with a body slam. And there's an elbow drop onto Suess's ribs! Suess clutching at his chest, and One Man Army has the upper hand here in the beginning of this match."

EMAII: "And will continue to have it until Suess's very soul has been beaten clean from his body!"

LH: "Suess not looking too good here, and now One Man Army tosses him into the ropes . . . and catches him with a powerslam! Those high impact moves are going to soften Suess up for the Bonecracker in no time!"

EMAII: "Evil is nothing if not logical."

LH: "One Man Army putting up quite a fight here, firmly in control of this battle as he pummels Suess in the corner. One Man Army with a hard Irish whip, sends Suess clear across the ring now, into the opposite turnbuckle - and he hits hit with force! OMA with a charge into Suess . . . OH! Suess ducks!! Suess moves out of the way at the last second and One Man Army charges right into the turnbuckle, chest-first! Suess on his feet . . . DDT! Finally, Suess manages to stem the tide of One Man Army's assault!"

EMAII: "A minor victory, it is the Army who will win this war!"

LH: "I don't know if that was clever or cheesy."

EMAII: "Choose the one which does not cause me to CRUSH YOU!"

LH: "Suess backing off, taking a moment to recover as One Man Army brings himself to his feet. Trading punches again . . . Suess ducks behind a swing by OMA, and there's a neckbreaker! Suess has regained his footing in a big way, and was smart enough not to try and duke it out with One Man Army twice!"

EMAII: "His cunning will not save him! One Man Army is a powerhouse of stamina and an engine of strength! Suess will wear himself down simply trying to keep up!"

LH: "That very well may be, but you couldn't tell it by looking now, as Suess has reasserted control of this match. Here he comes, pushing One Man Army back into the ropes. Suess with a European Uppercut, and Army staggers away. Suess from behind - but One Man Army catches him with a back elbow, uh oh. Suess caught off guard by that, and now here comes One Man Army . . . but Suess surprises him with a jumping knee lift! One Man Army stumbling, and falls into the turnbuckle! Suess getting a running start here - BODY SPLASH! One Man Army falls face-first to the mat! Suess goes for a cover!


ONE!

















TWO!!
















TH- Shoulder up by Army!"

EMAII: "Pathetic, One Man Army! Use your limitless cunning and boundless strength! Tear this wretch apart!"

LH: "One Man Army trying to get up, Suess sizing him up as he rises now. Suess seems to be just waiting for him here . . . and a running elbow to One Man Army sends him flying into the ropes again! OMA is slumped over the top rope, and Suess is charging! OMA turns around - too late! And both men go crashing down to the floor below!"

EMAII: "HA HA! And THIS is where the tide shall swing once again in the favor of evil!"

LH: "What do you mean? Suess has got One Man Army firmly in hand here!"

EMAII: "But there on the outside, it is a badlands, a ruthless No Man's Land where the lawless rule, and Suess will be far out of his league!"

LH: "That's a surprisingly good point, and for Suess's sake I hope you're not right!"

EMAII: "I am ALWAYS right!"

LH: "Suess coming to his feet on the outside, and lands some hard rights to One Man Army against the ring apron. Suess with an Irish whip - One Man Army reverses it! Suess just went spine-first into the crowd barrier! One Man Army with a running forearm, and it looks like he's revitalized after that brief spot of control by Suess. Suess is stunned, and Army . . . ARMY WITH A SPINEBUSTER ONTO THE CONCRETE! OH MY! OH MY!"

EMAII: "And now evil shall firmly control the flow of bloodshed! One Man Army shall go on to capture the title in the name of EVIL! Unless Drayven does it. Or Ronin. Regardless, EVIL!"

LH: "Are you done?"

EMAII: "Mondo Somatic's not a nice man either."

LH: "One Man Army bringing Suess up by his hair, and flinging him back-first into that ring apron! Suess is hurting, and holding his back as he stumbles forward. One Man Army hits a running clothesline and sends Suess right back down!! My God, first that spinebuster, and now two collisions onto his back! Suess will be easy pickings if One Man Army can hit a Bonecracker!"

EMAII: "Which I have full confidence he will."

LH: "Army hefting Suess up onto his shoulder, and now running into the -- RING POST! ONE MAN ARMY SMASHES SUESS SHOULDER-FIRST INTO THE RING POST! Suess bounces off the ring steps on the way down!! What brutality by One Man Army!! Suess is out on the floor! One Man Army rolls into the ring and back out, breaking up the ref's count. I hate to admit it, but Evil Masked Announcer II's prediction has come true, and OMA has reasserted his control on the outside!"

EMAII: "Speaking of things you hate to admit, now would be a good time to tell the audience about that special cream you ordered, don't you think?"

LH: "That - hey! There's a match going on!"

EMAII: "MWA HA HA! Revealing personal humiliation to millions!"

LH: "One Man Army pummeling Suess on the outside, going with some hard shots right to the unprotected face of the former champ. OMA now dragging Suess by the neck, and slings him up against the crowd barrier. OMA with a charging rush - SUESS FLIPS HIM OVER THE CROWD BARRIER! Where did that come from!? Suess dug down deep and found the strength to avoid One Man Army's assault!"

EMAII: "Nothing but futile desperation, the winner here is already clear!"

LH: "Suess barely managing to keep himself standing, but he gets into the ring as One Man Army comes to his feet out in the crowd. Suess is on his back, maybe unable to rise! One Man Army comes to the ring apron, and . . . grabs Suess by the feet! He's trying to drag Suess back to the outside! Suess holding on to the bottom rope for dear life!"

EMAII: "One Man Army will tear his legs out or drag him to the outside, either way he'll get what he wants!"

LH: "OMA has got the clear advantage here, and . . .wait! Suess kicks him off and propels Army back into the crowd barrier! Suess pulls himself up and backs away from the ring rope . . .One Man Army comes back to his feet . . . it looks like Suess is going to force OMA to return to the ring, now that he - WAIT! Suess with a running start - FROG SPLASH! SPLASH OVER THE TOP ROPE! AND HE CRASHES DOWN, ALL 270 POUNDS ONTO ONE MAN ARMY!!"

EMAII: "BLAST!"

LH: "Suess has stunned One Man Army with an amazing Frog Splash over the top rope!! He rolls Army back into the ring, and comes in after him! Suess comes back in as Army gets to his feet, and Suess spins him around into a short-arm - NO! ONE MAN ARMY BLOCKED THE CLOTHESLINE! BONECRACKER! BONECRACKER! MY GOD! ONE MAN ARMY HIT THE BONECRACKER! A COVER!!


ONE!!!























TWO!!!





































THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAKICKOUT!! I DON'T BELIEVE IT! I DON'T BELIEVE IT!!"

EMAII: "IMPOSSIBLE!"

LH: "SUESS KICKS OUT OF THE BONECRACKER! I think One Man Army is in shock!! Look at his eyes!! He can't believe that didn't work!! One Man Army is livid, and he's bringing Suess back to his feet - looks to be going for another Bonecracker! There's no way Suess can survive that! Here it comes - SUESS ESCAPES! One Man Army turns around - KAT'S LAYOVER! SUESS HIT'S KAT'S LAYOVER!! ONE MAN ARMY IS OUT!!"

EMAII: "ONE MAN ARMY YOU FOOL!! Arise, with the powers of monstrous evil, and strike your opponent down!!"

LH: "Suess unable to rise after hitting the Layover!! He can't capitalize! Both men are on their backs, and Suess starts to roll over! He drapes an arm over One Man Army! A cover!


ONE!

















TWO!!











































THREEE- A SHOULDER UP! SHOULDER UP! ONE MAN ARMY HANGS ON!"

EMAII: "YES! Now follow up, Army! Crush him, now, while the powers of evil are at their peak within you!"

LH: "Suess and One Man Army both struggling to rise now. This tremendous conflagration has yet to burn out! Suess stumbles over to One Man Army and lands a forearm strike, staggering Army across the ropes. Suess presses on, but it looks like he can barely keep himself standing. One Man Army makes it to the turnbuckle, and appears to be trying to catch his breath. Here he comes, charging out of the corner! Suess dodges it - OMA stops himself in front of the turnbuckle! Suess goes for a splash - OMA turns around and catches him in mid-air! OMA heaves him up into a vertical suplex, and back down! Suess again landing on that back, that shoulder injured by the turnbuckle from earlier!"

EMAII: "One Man Army shall not fail now! He has come too far, survived too much, to allow puny Suess to triumph at this pivotal juncture!"

LH: "One Man Army with T-Bone Suplex on Suess, but Army stays down on the mat! I think maybe he hasn't fully recovered either! Suess is struggling to rise, and the referee is starting a 10 count on these men!"

EMAII: "Stay down, Suess, let yourself be beaten easily!"

LH: "Suess pulling himself on the ropes as One Man Army starts to get up. Here comes OMA, up first, pushing Suess back into the ropes. There's a whip across the ring, Suess comes off the ropes, ducks a clothesline attempt by Army, and now off the opposite ropes - Suess leaps! Flying forearm into One Man Army, knocks him off his feet! Suess grabs the legs - going for a Figure Four!! The Figure Four! He's got One Man Army locked in place - but the big man quickly scrambles for the ropes! The referee forces Suess to break the hold."

EMAII: "A foolish tactic by Suess, One Man Army would never have given up anyway!"

LH: "One Man Army scrambling to his feet, not wanting to risk another figure four attempt. Suess coming at him, Army latches on a chokehold! INTO A SIT OUT POWERBOMB! Army rolls off, and I think he's looking to end this here and now! There's a hard Irish whip, sending Suess into the turnbuckle! Army charges in, climbing the ropes, and now punching away at Suess!!


ONE!


TWO!!


THREE!


FOUR!!


FIVE!!


SIX!!


SEV - SUESS WITH A HEADBUTT TO ONE MAN ARMY'S GUT!"

EMAII: "WHAT?!"

LH: "One Man Army doubles over - Suess powers him up! Amazing!! Suess is climbing up the turnbuckle ropes with One Man Army on top of him!! THIS COULD BE --! SUESS HAS HIM IN POSITION! MY GOD! MY GOD! CAT'S CRADLE!! HE HITS IT! SUESS HITS THE CAT'S CRADLE!! ONE MAN ARMY IS OUT!! SUESS . . . ROLLS INTO A COVER! THERE'S THE REFEREE!!






ONE!!

























TWO!!
















































THREE!!!

*Ding Ding Ding!*

PD: "The winner of this match, via pinfall, SUESS!!!!"

(The orchestra begins playing again as Suess stumbles to his feet, barely able to hold himself upright as the referee raises his hand, the crowd all upright in cheers as "No Leaf Clover" denotes the victory. Breaking free from the referee, Suess holds his arms aloft as the fans bring down the house.)

LH: "WHAT A MATCH! WHAT AN OUTPOURING OF SUPPORT BY THESE FANS!"

EMAII: "BLAST YOU, ONE MAN ARMY! YOU HAVE FAILED ME AND ALL OF EVIL! YOU WILL RUE THIS DAY!"

LH: "Suess will advance to the semi-finals of the World Title Tournament!! Incredible! 22 Minutes and 15 seconds; our time bank extends to 33 minutes!"

EMAII: "That's enough time for an entirely new segment! Perhaps a ritual honoring of Lord Satan?"

LH: "I think Fighting Mad Jesus would have something to say about that."

EMAII: "Accursed Jesus! I will see him dead again some day!"
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(The camera cuts to the backstage area once more, and this time we find none other than the founding members of the Menace 2 Sobriety, "The Prodigy" Rein Engel and "The One Man Show" Rasco Raines hanging out in the locker room, an open case of Natty Light beer by their side. An empty can rolls down on the ground as the camera pans up to the Lone Rangers themselves.)

REIN ENGEL: "Hanyock."

RASCO RAINES: "I hear ya."

REIN ENGEL: "I can't believe we drove all the way down here for this garbage."

RASCO RAINES: "Unbelievable."

REIN ENGEL: "Twenty miles and we had to bring our own beer?"

RASCO RAINES: "I'll tell you, 'yerd, stars of our caliber shouldn't have to put up with this kind of mistreatment."

REIN ENGEL: "At least we've got one thing going for us. Before we go home today we'll finally get to bitchslap RMV into the pavement in that Fight Club match."

RASCO RAINES: "That's the kike and the mick, right?"

REIN ENGEL: "Something like that. And I think they have a midget."

RASCO RAINES: "I thought YOU had the midget."

REIN ENGEL: "Oh yeah, what was his name? Beatum? Skeetum?"

RASCO RAINES: "Doesn't ring a bell. I thought it was Rufus."

REIN ENGEL: "Close enough."

RASCO RAINES: "You're right though, beating the crap out of those two assholes will make this whole trip worth it. As soon as I see those guys, they're dead."

REIN ENGEL: "I wonder where they got to, anyway?"

(Rasco shrugs, tossing an empty can of Natty light on the ground. People with discerning hearing notice that the clatter seems to come from two places at once, and the camera slowly pans over to reveal Little Blue Super Jew and Drunken Master, an open case of Guinness beside them, sitting in the row of lockers one column over from the Menace 2 Sobriety, seemingly unaware of their presence.)

LITTLE BLUE SUPER JEW: "As soon as I see those guys, they're dead."

DRUNKEN MASTER: "Oi wahndar whar thay got t', enehwhay?"

(Another two empty beer receptacles strike the ground simultaneously as the scene fades out. We return to the announcers' table.)

LH: "Well, it appears Racially Motivated Violence and the Menace 2 Sobriety are, uh, both at the top of their game."

EMAII: "That would be what I consider their peak mental state."

LH: "In any case, we've got more action coming up in just a second, and this match should be right up your alley, EMA."

EMAII: "Indeed it shall! Monsters! Pain! Unspeakable penalties for loss! It is truly a spectacle for the bloodthirsty masses!"

LH: "I would have to agree, because this is the Kiddie Pool of Death Match!"

(The camera pans over to the area at ringside, where an oversized kiddie pool has been laid out and filled completely with lightbulbs. The cameras pan around it as the announcers speak.)

EMAII: "This bloody device shall be the only means through which victory may be obtained!"

LH: "Quite right EMA, only by pinning your opponent inside the Kiddie Pool can you claim victory, and that means knocking him down on top of over 200 light bulbs!"

EMAII: "Interesting sidenote, that's actually how the ancient Mayans used to sacrifice people."

LH: "Uh . . .right. Let's go to the ring!"

PD: "Wrestlefest X fans, the following match, scheduled for one fall, is the KIDDIE POOL OF DEATH MATCH!"

(The fans in the Garden and watching at home all move closer to the edge of their seat, knowing that the gory spectacle about to unfold will surely be a feast for the eyes, and not for the faint at heart.)

PD: "Introducing first . . .

Hey, yeah - Im the one that you wanted
Hey, yeah - Im your superbeast

PD: "From Parts Unknown, weighing in at 504lbs . . . SCOURGE!!

Hey, yeah - Im the one that you wanted
Hey, yeah - Im your superbeast

(The enormous monster Scourge appears at the top of the ramp as Rob Zombie's "Superbeast" blares through the arena. As he slowly makes his way down to the ring, a trail of flames erupts behind him, following his steps. With one step, he climbs onto the apron, and then again over the top rope, and walks to his corner, dwarfing Pete Dux as he passes by him. The monster turns to face the entrance ramp, and then, face unreadable behind his distorted leather mask, raises one massive fist in the air, and the trail of flames on the ramp becomes a surging inferno, burning itself out in a tremendous surge of heat. Scourge stares up the ramp as the flames quickly die down.)

PD: "And, his opponent . . . .

Put your drinks down!
Put your chains up!
Time to put it down!

PD: "Weighing in at 227 pounds . . . "THE BLUE TORNADO" . . . BUTCHER BEN!!"

Throw the fangs up!
Man up, muthafucka, it's about to go down
Sit your ass down, bitch, you got knocked the fuck down

(The arena lights fade to black then momentarily illuminate in time to the loud sounds of a human heartbeat. The sounds of the heartbeat grow ever faster and louder then blue flames explode down the entrance ramp with a bang and KTFO blasts over the speakers as "The Blue Tornado" Butcher Ben emerges holding both a Union Jack flag and a NEFW flag in one hand and an unopened 6-pack of Becks lager in the other. He doesn't acknowledge the fans on his way down the ramp, a look of extreme determination on his face, places the flags and beer on the announce table, suggesting to the announcers that they refrain from touching either. A huge smile spreads across his face as he enters the ring where he finally looks at and jokingly bows to the audience in an until now uncharacteristic show of appreciation.)

LH: "There's the bell, and the Kiddie Pool of Death Match is underway!"

EMAII: "We need not remind viewers that the ferocious Scourge is more than two Butcher Bens combined!"

LH: "Yes indeed folks, the animal known as Scourge outweighs Butcher Ben by nearly three hundred pounds. This is Scourge's specialty match, an invention which he brought to the NEFW! You have to figure that the odds are heavily in Scourge's favor here.

EMAII: "The Butcher shall this day find himself to be the one shredded into bloody chaff and offal! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

LH: "Butcher Ben avoiding Scourge here in the opening minutes, ducking and moving, hoping to use his speed to his advantage. Butcher Ben evades the bear hug attempt, and delivers a beautiful standing dropkick! Scourge remains on his feet, and Butcher Ben wisely retreats to the corner."

EMAII: "Butcher Ben appears to know better than to attempt physical altercation with the creature!"

LH: "I would say you're right. Maybe his strategy is to wear him down and make it easier to push him into the Kiddie Pool?"

EMAII: "Scourge is a machine of hatred fueled by a furnace stoked with torment! He cannot be worn down!"

LH: "I admit I did not read that in the tale of the tape. Butcher Ben going up top now as Scourge charges him in the corner . . . Ben off the top! Flying head scissors - no!! Ben couldn't flip Scourge over! Scourge has him! AND A POWERBOMB! WHAT A POWERBOMB! Ben's spine was just shattered on the mat by the overpowering Scourge!"

EMAII: "And that is the end of this match, it appears we'll have 28 minutes added to the time bank."

LH: "Scourge dragging up Ben, who looks positively ill after that back-breaking powerbomb. And he follows up with a sidewalk slam! After just two moves, Scourge has firmly established control over Butcher Ben."

EMAII: "It could not have gone any other way."

LH: "Scourge in control of this match up with Butcher Ben out on the mat. Scourge is picking him up, if he brings him to the outside and gets him in that pool, this will be the shortest match yet. The unbelievable power of Scourge has brought this match to an end in mere minutes, and you have to wonder how people like Blade or Raptor are going to stack up to Scourge later in the evening."

EMAII: "They'll stack up like cordwood, pitiful Holland. Like cordwood."

LH: "Scourge draping Ben over his shoulder, looks like . . . he's going to toss him over the outside! Scourge running - Ben slips down the back!! Another dropkick - and Scourge tumbles over the top rope! Scourge is on the outside!! He just narrowly avoids the kiddie pool, and what an amazing manuever by Butcher Ben! Impeccable timing by the Blue Tornado!"

EMAII: "A lucky move is all, and luck will avail him naught against true evil might!"

LH: "Scourge on his feet now, and the eyes behind that evil mask look furious. He's climbing back into the ring, Ben on his feet again, looks like he's starting to recover. Scourge in over the top rope, there's a charge - Ben evades! Scourge comes off the ropes . . . drop toe hold by the Butcher!! Butcher Ben brings down Scourge!! The Sky Chief just faceplanted the big man!!"

EMAII: "A single move will not make a difference in this match. It will be the man who can overpower the other, and that man is without a doubt the Scourge!"

LH: "Ben with a leg drop to follow up against Scourge's neck, trying to keep the giant off his feet. Ben off the ropes, and into a diving elbow! He's concentrating on Scourge's neck and head, probably the best idea as I don't think you'll find a single weak point on that massive body. Ben is concentrating everything he's got on keeping Scourge from regaining his balance now, and he's scrambling up to the top while Scourge is still struggling to rise. Here comes Ben - Moonsault! Moonsault onto - SCOURGE CATCHES HIM! AND A CHOKESLAM! Just like that, the momentum has gone back into Scourge's favor!"

EMAII: "I don't comprehend why Ben does not simply give up. He cannot hope to beat the monster which is Scourge!"

LH: "He'll never stop trying, EMA! Ben has the presence of mind to roll out of the ring, and he's down on one knee on the outside as Scourge follows after him. Butcher Ben scrambling to get away, but Scourge is hot on his heels. Butcher Ben leading a chase here, but is there any escape from Scourge?"

EMAII: "Yes there is, in the way that there is escape from life!"

LH: "Ben dives back into the ring, and you can tell Scourge is getting frustrated here. Scourge climbs back up . . . And Butcher Ben takes a suicide dive into Scourge!! Scourge goes toppling to the outside and lands flat on his back with Ben on top of him!! Butcher Ben rolls away, and Scourge is stunned! I can't believe it, this crowd is stunned at the quickness of the Sky Chief!"

EMAII: "FEH! Once the monster rises he shall put an end to this for good and all!"

LH: "Ben on the retreat once again as Scourge begins sitting up, I think still taken aback by that missile-like dive by Butcher Ben through the ropes! Ben is coming over here to the announce position . .. and grabbing a steel chair! Anything goes in the Kiddie Pool of Death match!"

EMAII: "Weapons shall not stop this juggernaut!"

LH: "Ben waiting for Scourge from behind here on the outside . . . Scourge slowly comes up to his feet . . AND BEN BRAINS HIM WITH THAT STEEL CHAIR!! A shot directly to the head! BUT SCOURGE STAYS UP!!! Scourge dazed by that chairshot, but remains on his feet!! BEN HITS HIM AGAIN!! A second chairshot, and Scourge is still standing!! Unbelievable!! This monster just won't go down, and I think Ben is in shock!"

EMAII: "I warned you, Butcher! The monster cannot be brought low by your pathetic mortal devices!"

LH: "Scourge is weaving like a drunk after those two shots to the head, but he won't go down! Ben is climbing up onto the turnbuckle with that steel chair, what's he planning here? He's up on top . . . he couldn't be . . . oh no! Ben, don't do it! Don't do it!! NO! BEN LEAPS FROM THE TOP TO THE OUTSIDE!"

*KrAk!!*

EMAII: "INCONCEIVABLE!"

LH: "Butcher Ben just surfboarded the steel chair into Scourge's face!! Scourge is down!! Scourge is down!!! Ben rolls off the mammoth's body, and he looks like that impact shook him up as well!"

EMAII: "I'm surprised the impact did not shatter his feeble bones!"

LH: "Ben has really taken it to Scourge with that chair, and this match has completely turned around! The Butcher is going for the Kiddie Pool, dragging it over to Scourge's prone body! If he gets Scourge into the pool, this match could be over!"

EMAII: "Ben's meager muscles shall never be enough to drag the beast in!"

LH: "Ben is indeed having trouble lifting Scourge, and the monster's body just won't budge. The Butcher looks exhausted trying to drag him into the pool, and remember, there's no other way to win here than to get your opponent inside that Kiddie Pool and pin him!"

EMAII: "A feat which Butcher Ben will never accomplish!"

LH: "Ben continuing to try and heave the beast into that pool . . . SCOURGE PUSHES HIM OFF! I don't believe it! Scourge has already regained his senses! Ben gets pushed flat onto his back and Scourge is starting to rise!"

EMAII: "It was only a matter of time before the animal's power returned!"

LH: "Ben is in disbelief as Scourge rises to his feet! Scourge gathering his bearings, he sees the Kiddie Pool, and now he sees Ben on the ground . . . Scourge picks up the steel chair!! This could be horrible!! Scourge with a wild swing at Ben, but the Butcher evades! There's another - Scourge wraps the chair around the ring post!! He didn't even drop it!! I think he may have dented the post! Ben scrambles to his feet and dives into the ring!!"

EMAII: "Run all you want, Butcher, there will be no escape from this doom!"

LH: "Scourge seething on the outside as Ben pulls himself up to his feet inside the ring! Scourge climbs up the apron again with that steel chair in hand - BEN IS CHARGING! WHAT TH -


*Swoosh!*
*Thwack*
*SMACK!!*
*GASP!*
*CCRAASSSSHH!!!*

OH MY GOD!! OH MY GOD!!! BUTCHER BEN JUST DROPKICKED THE STEEL CHAIR DIRECTLY INTO SCOURGE! IT KNOCKED HIM OFF THE APRON AND INTO THE KIDDIE POOL! SCOURGE IS LYING IN A POOL OF SHATTERED GLASS!"

EMAII: "NO!!! THIS CANNOT BE!"

LH: "Scourge is cut and bleeding! Those lightbulbs have been shattered! Scourge is prone in the kiddie pool - BUTCHER BEN OVER THE TOP ROPE!! FROG SPLASH!! FROG SPLASH!! INTO THE STEEL CHAIR STILL HELD BY SCOURGE, IN THE KIDDIE POOL OF DEATH!!"

EMAII: "This Butcher Ben would sacrifice his own body to put down the monster!?"

LH: "Ben has got a cover on Scourge!! Here comes the referee!"

EMAII: "It cannot end like this! It must not!"

ONE!





















TWO!!!





























SCOURGE HEAVES UP WITH IMPOSSIBLE POWER!

BEN GOES FLYING AND BOUNCES OFF THE RING APRON!!

SCOURGE GRABS HIM ON THE REBOUND ---




PILEDRIVER! BY GOD!! PILEDRIVER DIRECTLY INTO THE KIDDIE POOL OF DEATH!!! AND A COVER!!!




ONE!!!




























TWO!!!!!


















































THRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGOODGOD! GOOD GOD!! BUTCHER BEN KICKS OUT!! BUTCHER BEN KICKS OUT!!!"

LH: "This is ridiculous!! Both men have had their limbs and their faces shredded like dog meat by those lightbulbs! Scourge is bleeding like a stuck pig! He's got pieces of glass embedded in his arms and legs, all down his back! Butcher Ben's face is sliced open! How can this match continue?! Where did Ben find the strength to kick out after that piledriver!?"

EMAII: "He must have absorbed some of the evil energy emanating from Scourge! It is the only explanation!"

LH: "I think you'll find it may be quite the opposite as Butcher Ben has managed to roll out of the kiddie pool onto the ground, and his face is cut open in at least five places! He's wearing a crimson mask - and he's actually yanking pieces of glass out of his own face! This is horrifying! And it appears Scourge is suffering no less as he struggles to remove glass from his own ravaged body!"

EMAII: "It will take more than pain to stop Scourge, but I think you'll find that will be exactly enough to stop Butcher Ben!"

LH: "Ben is staggering to his feet, I think he's aware of how close proximity he is to Scourge! My God, look at that glass! The kiddie pool has been practically dyed red by all the blood spilled in the last few minutes! Butcher Ben is up on the ring apron, and he decides to get back into the ring again. Scourge is right behind him, and this match has returned to the confines of the squared circle."

EMAII: "Butcher Ben showed tremendous courage for which I will credit him, but logically, Holland, this match can only end one way. Scourge's boundless strength will simply serve him longer as the Butcher is worn down by his own pain!"

LH: "Scourge can go for as long as he wants, EMA, Ben only needs to stop him for the count of three!"

EMAII: "Your clever retorts shall avail you naught!"

LH: "Scourge has brought Butcher Ben to his feet, and OH MY! A monstrous chop may have just left a welt on Butcher Ben's chest! AND ANOTHER! This capacity crowd is wincing at the echo of flesh on flesh as Scourge's mighty hand comes down on Ben! A THIRD CHOP! Ben is brought down to his knees, and it's hard to tell if Scourge's chops tore the skin on his chest or if the blood coming down from his face is simply pouring onto his chest!"

EMAII: "It could be both, really."

LH: "Ben on his knees, and Scourge brings him up again. Scourge . . going for THE SCOURGE -- But he drops Ben! Scourge grasping his arm in pain, I think the glass and blood loss is weakening him!"

EMAII: "Fight through it, Scourge! Kill him now, while he is weak!!"

LH: "Ben circling Scourge as the monster fights through the pain - Scourge charges Ben - BEN MOVES! And Scourge collides chest-first with the ring post! BEN HAS HIM FROM BEHIND! REVERSE DDT!! Scourge is convulsing with the impact, which may have driven the glass in his back even further in!!"

EMAII: "A desperation move from a desperate man, Scourge will still triumph when he regains himself!"

LH: "Scourge is rolling to his feet, and you can tell his back is on fire. His arms are bleeding from a dozen places and it looks like there is still glass from the lightbulbs caught inside of them! This match is terrifying! How can any two man stand this kind of physical punishment?"

EMAII: "You've apparantly never enjoyed a good sit-in at a Spanish Inquisition."

LH: "The Spanish Inquisition was hundreds of years ago."

EMAII: "I know, time flies, time flies."

LH: "Ben is back on his feet as well, and the two are staring each other down as they both drip blood in pools on the canvas! I've got to believe Scourge can keep this up longer than Ben, but can Ben inflict enough pain on Scourge to balance out the beast's size?"

EMAII: "You already know my stance on the matter."

LH: "Scourge at a loss here, he knows he can't match Ben's speed. We appear to have a stalemate going. Scourge feints forward, Ben goes back, it looks like Scourge faked him out - NO! A SPEAR! BEN GETS BROKEN IN HALF!! OH MY GOD!"

EMAII: "HA HA HA HA HA HA!! The Butcher thought Scourge would try to outwit him again and thus did not move, which resulted in him being outwitted! Brilliant!"

LH: "Ben is practically a rag doll after that monstrous Spear by Scourge, and now he's being brought up - THE SCOURGE! THE SCOURGE!!!! SCOURGE NAILS IT!! BEN IS OUT!! THAT'S IT!! BEN IS GONE! But Scourge can't capitalize!! He's clutching his arm in pain, and it's positively drenched in his own blood at this point! I think there may be glass lodged inside his elbow which must have made performing the Scourge excruciating!"

EMAII: "Get up, Scourge! Stop grabbing your own useless limbs and roll Ben into the Kiddie Pool! FINISH THE JOB, SCOURGE!"

LH: "Scourge is struggling to fight past his own blinding pain here, and Butcher Ben is showing signs of life, faint though they may be! He's lost a lot of blood himself, and I, for one, am surprised either of these men is still moving! The guts they're showing are both figurative and literal!"

EMAII: "There's an idea! Scourge, tear open Ben's stomach!! Feast upon his entrails, Scourge!!"

LH: "Scourge cradling his right arm as he manages to steady himself, and Butcher Ben is helpless as the monster stalks him now. Scourge kicking Ben over, and deposits him in a heap on the outside of the ring. Scourge climbing over the top rope now, and I think he's looking to end this as Ben still looks to be completely dazed following that spear and the Scourge!"

EMAII: "Finally, this match will end. You see, Holland? As always, great evil overcomes all!"

LH: "Scourge does indeed seem to be preparing to put an end to this brutal contest as he uses his left arm to drag Butcher Ben into position. Wait, Scourge, no!! Scourge looks like he wants to give Ben another Scourge into the Kiddie Pool!! Don't do it, Scourge, the man is dead on his feet!! Just push him over and pin him!!! NO!!!"

EMAII: "Do it, Scourge!! Finish Butcher Ben for good and all!! DO IT!!"

LH: "Scourge with a left-handed Scourge, dangling Ben over the kiddie pool, here comes the - BUTCHER BEN KICKS HIM IN THE JAW!!"

EMAII: "WHAT?!"

LH: "Ben lands feet-first in the kiddie pool, and I don't know where he found the presence of mind to do that! He's somehow come to at the last possible moment! Ben escapes the Scourge, and ducks a punch from a furious Scourge! Ben - BEN PICKS UP THE CHAIR NEXT TO THE KIDDIE POOL!! SHOT TO SCOURGE'S GUT!! I DON'T BELIEVE IT!! I DON'T BELIEVE IT!! SCOURGE IS IN POSITION!! BEN IS CALLING FOR IT!!"

EMAII: "THIS CANNOT BE!"

LH: "THE STRONGBOW! THE STRONGBOW INTO THE KIDDIE POOL OF DEATH!! And Ben uses Scourge's own huge body to shield himself from the glass!!! Scourge's head, his chest and stomach, he's just been driven into thousands of shards of broken glass from the shattered lightbulbs!! Is Ben going for the stretch - No! He picks up the chair again!! AND A FURIOUS SHOT TO SCOURGE'S HEAD!! AND ANOTHER!!! AND A THIRD!!!! AND NOW BUTCHER BEN GOES FOR A COVER!!!


ONE!!!


























TWO!!!












































THREEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

*Ding Ding Ding!!*

PD: "The winner of this match, via pinfall, "THE BLUE TORNADO," BUTCHER BEN!!"

LH: "THESE FANS ARE ON THEIR FEET! I HAVE NEVER WITNESSED SO HORRIBLE A SPECTACLE!!"

EMAII: "I refuse to acknowledge this outcome!! There must have been some sort of mistake!! This is impossible!!"

LH: "BUTCHER BEN COLLAPSES NEXT TO THE POOL! EMT's are coming to ringside to take Ben and Scourge to the back, and I've got to wonder if they'll even be able to compete again tonight! Butcher Ben has somehow, against all conceivable odds, triumphed here in the Kiddie Pool of Death Match! I can't even understand the agony both of these men must be in!"

EMAII: "That's right, be wheeled away! Let them see how weak you are!"

LH: "They're wheeling Scourge off, too."

EMAII: "SHUT UP!"

LH: "Both of these men have sacrificed their bodies and well-being to try and come out on top here at Wrestlefest X, but in the end it was Butcher Ben who emerges triumphant! What a match! What an evening!! That's another 24 minutes down, adding 6 more to the ever-growing time bank! And who knows what else will happen this evening?"

EMAII: "39 minutes now unaccounted for . . . what evil lurks within those lost seconds?"

LH: "I'm sure we'll find out soon!"
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(The camera suddenly switches to a parking lot view, where it holds for a few seconds until the screeching of tires is heard and it peels around to reveal a Dodge Viper wheeling into the loading dock. The picture holds on the car for a moment as the engine roars twice, and then dies down to a purr before shutting off, the headlights going dim. The doors open up, and from inside emerges the duo known to the world as Mass Destruction, Terry Storm and Maxx. Gym bags over their shoulders and a look of intent on their faces, the two stride towards the wrestler's entrance.)

TERRY STORM: "You saw it too, right Maxx?"

MAXX: "Yep, I was watching."

TERRY STORM: "If they're here, they're ours."

MAXX: "I got no problem with that."

TERRY STORM: "One way or another, tonight's the night Mass Destruction and Shock Factor decide once and for all who's the best tag team in the NEFW."

(Maxx nods his assent as the team strides into the building, the cameras returning to ring side.)

LH: "Terry Storm and Maxx are here, and they will be in tag team action later tonight! But it looks like they've got other things on their minds already!"

EMAII: "Indeed, the arrival of the villainous Shock Factor has skewed plans for the evening! That is because wherever evil goes, it makes an impact like none other! MWAH HA HA HA HA HA!"

LH: "Speaking of impacts, this next match should not be short on them. We're going right to a triple threat Hardcore match with Raptor, Gowin, and "The Dominator" Derek Dixon!" We're not wasting any time here folks, let's get to the action!"

PD: "Ladies and gentlemen, the next contest will be a triple threat HARDCORE match! Introducing first . . .

I never cared that much
I never kept in touch
And most of all what really sucks is

PD: "Weighing in at 213lbs . . . RAPTOR!!

Everything and all of us
Everything sucks
Everything sucks

("Everything Sucks" by Dope beckons out a cacophony of green light from the entrance ramp as the legendary hardcore specialist Raptor tears through the curtain, Sonia Blair at his side. Stalking his way down to the ring, wearing a particularly evil-looking red and black mask, the NEFW mainstay slides into the ring and crouches down low, awaiting his opponents.)

PD: "Aaaand his first opponent . . .

My loneliness is killin me (and I)
I must confess I still believe (still believe)

PD: " . . . . . accompanied by Sugar and Spice, GOWIN!!"

When Im not with you I lose my mind
Give me a sign, hit me baby one more time!

(The crowd gives a decidedly mixed reaction as Brittney Spears "Hit Me Baby One More Time" ushers out the one-of-a-kind Gowin, flanked by his two pieces of eye candy. and carrying with him an enormous trash can full of all sorts of hardcore implements. Reaching ringside, he dismisses Sugar and Spice to either side of him, placing the can on the ground as he poses on the ring apron. Before he has time to turn around, however, Raptor grabs him from behind and slings him backwards over the ropes.)

LH: "Oh!! Raptor's not waiting for Derek Dixon to arrive, he's getting things started right now!"

EMAII: "Hearing that song is enough to throw even the most pacifistic mind into a furious rage, and Raptor was never the most stable one to begin with."

LH: "Raptor stomping away on Gowin here, and this match hasn't even officially started! We're still waiting for -

Take me down to the paradise city
Where the grass is green
And the girls are pretty
Take me home (Oh, won't you please take me home)

(Derek Dixon rushes down to the ring, heralded by Guns n' Roses "Paradise City." and leaps in with a thunderous clothesline to Raptor, bringing the much smaller man down in a second. Heaving him up over his head, Dixon press slams Raptor over the top rope and onto the floor, much to the delight of the crowd.)

LH: "Derek Dixon takes to the match in a huge way!! Sonia Blair is checking on Raptor, who looks to have been completely stunned by the Dominator's assault!"

EMAII: "There is quite a bit of busomy delight to be had in this match, I must admit."

LH: "I'm sure the addition of Sonia, Sugar, and Spice isn't going to hurt the audience's attention span."

EMAII: "It will take buckets of thick, devil-red blood to draw their gaze away from all that ample cleavage!"

LH: "Dixon is picking up Gowin now, sends him across the ring with an Irish whip. Gowin off the ropes, ducking the clothesline, back off the ropes again, cross body - Derek catches him! And the Dominator delivers a release slam to Gowin! Dominator riding high in the early minutes of this match, and -

*CRACK*

- AND RAPTOR FROM BEHIND! Raptor just whipped Dixon across the knees with a kendo stick! He must have found it in Gowin's trash can!"

EMAII: "The same place Gowin found that entrance music."

LH: "Raptor brings Derek Dixon down to the ground with that kendo stick shot, and now he nails him again across the forehead! What a vicious shot by Raptor! Gowin is up on his feet, and he hits a swinging neckbreaker on Raptor. Gowin sliding out of the ring now, still looking dazed from that beating Dixon gave him, but he's calling Spice over to his side, I think he wants a weapon!"

EMAII: "Fully armed, Gowin shall assuredly wreak the wrath of Brittney upon these fools!"

LH: "Spice reaching in Gowin's can - "

EMAII: "You are never to repeat that sentence."

LH: " - and she pulls out a steel chain! Oh ho ho, this should be interesting."

EMAII: "A chain by itself? Now if it were a poisoned chain, or maybe on fire . . . "

LH: "Raptor back up in the ring, but the Dominator ducks another shot from that cane, and applies a headlock to the smaller Raptor. Oh, and Dixon flings Raptor up, right into a vertical suplex. Derek now stalking the stunned Raptor, but here comes Gowin with that chain wrapped around his fist! SHOT RIGHT BETWEEN DEREK'S EYES! Dixon stumbling back into the ring ropes, and Gowin is unwraveling that chain - and he starts using it to choke Raptor! Unbelievable, he's got Raptor and he's choking him with that chain like a dog!"

EMAII: "Feh, I've choked dogs bigger than Raptor."

LH: "The Dominator coming to his senses, Gowin dragging up Raptor by that chain as he struggles to break free. Here comes Dixon - and Gowin flings Raptor at him like a weapon!"

EMAII: "Anything is a weapon in this environment, even the feeble bodies of the competitors!"

LH: "Raptor ducks past Derek Dixon and goes into the ropes! The Dominator turns around to catch him with a clothesline - but Gowin moves in behind him with that chain - SIX-INCH CLAW!! OH MY!! OH MY!! Raptor came off the ropes with the Six-Inch Claw to Derek Dixon INTO Gowin!! I don't believe it!!"

EMAII: "Raptor finally manages to prove he is more than a useless sack of extinct flesh!"

LH: "Here comes Raptor now, and he's signalling to Sonia to bring him something - Sonia is searching under the ring . . . but she gets bushwhacked by Sugar and Spice!"

EMAII: "Now I'm paying attention."

LH: "Sugar and Spice are double-teaming Sonia Blair! It's a three-way catfight on the outside! Raptor is stepping out of the ring, and he grabs Sugar by the hair! Oh, this will not end well at all!"

EMAII: "What is that fool doing getting in between these three women!? Let them fight! And someone get a hose out here!"

LH: "Spice jumps on Raptor's back, but Sonia peels her off! And Blair sends Spice to the floor and leaps on top of her! Those two are hissing and tearing at one another, and it looks like the Dominator and Gowin are starting to stir in the ring!"

EMAII: "Evil dammit, does this mean the match is going to continue?"

LH: "Raptor drops Sugar down across the guard rail! And now he's searching for whatever it was he was asking Sonia to bring him earlier, while in the ring Derek Dixon has Gowin by the throat - CHOKESLAM! Derek Dixon goes into a pin on Gowin, the first of this match!"

ONE!!













TWO!!




















- and a kickout by Gowin, and Raptor has come back up with . . . AN ACETYLENE TORCH!?"

EMAII: "Interesting! I did not think this match would capture my interest, but perhaps if one of these men meets a fiery demise, I shall rate it "passable."

LH: "Dixon gearing up for a full nelson slam on Gowin, Raptor back in the ring, and he's firing up that torch! Dixon with the slam - Gowin escapes! He slides back into a reverse DDT - Dropkick from Raptor as Gowin delivers!! Both men go down, and now Raptor has that torch over both prone men!"

EMAII: "What are Sonia and Spice up to?"

LH: "I thought this would be the exciting part for you."

EMAII: "No one has burned to death yet, this is yawn-inducing."

LH: "RAPTOR SETS FIRE TO GOWIN!"

EMAII: " . . . curse you."

LH: "Gowin has been burned with that acetylene torch, and the stench of burning flesh is filling the ringside arena as he frantically rolls to try and douse the flames! Raptor turns that torch on Dixon, but the Dominator catches Raptor's hands! Raptor struggling to push that torch forward, and it's literally just inches from Dixon's face! The heat must be unbearable! Derek Dixon with that white-hot flame bearing down on him, and Raptor isn't letting up!"

EMAII: "Shove it down his throat, Raptor! Reheat his lunch!"

LH: "Dixon visibly sweating under the heat of that torch, and he's down on one knee as Raptor continues trying to push that flame into his eyes . . . the Dominator drops down - Monkey flipping Raptor!! Raptor drops the torch, and the Dominator is back on his feet, stumbling into a corner! I think he's still feeling the effects of having that torch in his face, as Raptor returns to his feet, shaking off that flip. Raptor's going for the torch again - but GOWIN CHARGES HIM WITH THE TRASH CAN! Gowin snuck below the radar while we were focused on Raptor and Dixon! Gowin nailed Raptor with a trash can, and now he's picking him up - BRAINBUSTER ONTO THE CAN! Gowin goes into a cover on Raptor!


ONE!!














TWO!!

























THR -- SONIA PULLS GOWIN OFF OF RAPTOR!"

EMAII: "Where did she come from, and why isn't she still tearing Spice's clothes off?"

LH: "Sonia has broken up the pinfall and it looks like she's also escaped Gowin's valets! Gowin grabs Sonia by the hair - uh, oh, this could get ugly!"

EMAII: "Gowin's involved, so it's far too late for that."

LH: "Gowin spinning Sonia around, and I think this could spell trouble for Raptor's lovely assistant - wait! Raptor back on his feet! A kick to Gowin's gut, and he releases Sonia . . .SIX-INCH CLAW TO GOWIN! SIX-INCH CLAW TO GOWIN! Sonia slides out of the ring to safety! BUT SUGAR AND SPICE ARE WAITING FOR HER! Sugar and Spice attacking Sonia Blair again! Raptor is going for the pin - BUT GETS PICKED OFF BY DEREK DIXON! Dixon with a massive spear to Raptor that sends him careening through the ropes to the floor!!"

EMAII: "Move, accursed Dixon, I am unable to see Sonia!"

LH: "Dixon heaves up Gowin . . . DOMINATOR SLAM! DOMINATOR SLAM ONTO THE TRASH CAN!! DEREK DIXON WITH THE COVER!!


ONE!!




















TWO!!!
























THREE!!!

*Ding Ding Ding!*

PD: "And the winner of this match, via pinfall, "THE DOMINATOR," DEREK DIXON!"

LH: "And Derek Dixon brings the hardcore match home! The referee looks glad to be done with this spectacle!"

EMAII: "I'd say we all are."

LH: "Raptor rescuing Sonia on the outside from Sugar and Spice, and the two of them take off through the crowd as Gowin's valets rush to check on him, but it's the Dominator who gets his hand raised tonight! Evil Masked Announcer II, I have to ask, what was your problem with this match?"

EMAII: "I view hardcore matches as pitiful excuses for importing weaponry and showy spots into what should be contests focused entirely upon beating a man down with nothing more than skill and intelligence."

LH: "But you were all over the last match, and that was focused entirely upon smashing another human being into a kiddie pool filled with broken light bulbs!"

EMAII: "One, Scourge is obviously some sort of unleashed demon, and two, shut up."

LH: "Folks, we'll have more action for you out here in just a moment, I'm getting word that something's going on in the back!"
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(We find ourselves out in the parking lot once again as night falls in Boston. After a moment of staring out into the nether, two headlights pierce the darkness of the incoming eve, and a long black limousine slowly pulls up to the wrestler's entrance door. There is a pause, and then, engine still running, a valet wearing an NEFW jacket quickly runs to the door and opens it up. A pair of white boots hit the ground, and then a tumbling cascade of blonde hair emerges from the limo as the legendary form and figure of Jenna Jett steps out of the car and onto the pavement.)

(No sooner has she stepped foot on the street than official NEFW Reunion Show reporter, former Loser Johnathan Spectre, runs up to her with microphone in hand.)

JOHNATHAN SPECTRE: "Miss Jett! Miss Jett!"

(Turning to face her interviewer, Jenna reveals her stunning face and shape to the fans, who cheer thunderously at the sight of the world's only living Catholic Saint, a title bestowed upon her by the Church following the release of her first Tomb Raider film. As her heels click the floor, Spectre struggles to keep up as she strides purposefully to the entranceway, her long white jacket flowing out behind her.)

JS: "Jenna Jett, welcome to the NEFW's Wrestlefest X, can we get a comment?"

(Jenna turns cooly, lowering her vivid green eyes on her interviewer, then puts her hands on her hips and stands straight, her full amazonian height on par with most of the NEFWs men. Beneath her white-and-gold wrestling tights, her massive muscles stretching the fabric tightly across her torso as her sultry lips slowly draw back into a smile.)

JENNA JETT: "Hello Johnathan, how are you?"

JS: "I'm doing great Jenna, would you like to give a word to your fans here in Boston and around the world?"

JJ: "Yes. I'd like to say that I'm almost done filming my most recent film, "Supergirl Returns," which will be in theaters next summer. I'd also like to announce two more projects I've already signed on for which should keep me busy through 2009; I'll be completing my 2-picture deal with DC comics by filming the Wonder Woman movie, and then I'm hoping over to Marvel for the live-action She-Hulk. I'd also like to thank them for making my past three movies, Tomb Raider, Fast and the Furious, and the She-Ra Movie the multi-trillion dollar world-wide successes that they are. When I started filming them I never imagined they would turn into perpetual motion money machines that had entire theaters built solely for the purpose of playing them. Nor did I ever think that they would be creditted for establishing peace treaties between four Arabic nations and six African ones, aiding anti-Communist dissidents in China, creating a universal language based on music, or earning me enough money to buy my own Italian village."

JS: "I think you mean Villa."

JJ: "No . . . village. They built a statue of me in the town square, it's very quaint. My movies were also directly responsible for the second coming of Jesus, which earned me Sainthood in the Catholic Church."

(Fighting Mad Jesus walks by the shot briefly.)

FMJ: "Hey Jenna."

JJ: "Hey Jesus."

JS: "That's amazing, Jenna, but I'm sure the fans want to know if you've got anything to say about Wrestlefest X. You've got a tag match in just under an hour with your old partner, Scourge. You'll team with him again in a bid for the Tag Team titles later in the night. You take on Joey Steroidz later in the night, and you'll participate in a 20-person over-the-top battle royale; one of two in the night since you'll also be competing for Pete's Wicked Ale Pay-Per-View championship along with everyone else on the show, and, in perhaps the most high-profile singles match of your career, you will take on the Rude Dude one-on-one."

(Jenna listens to all this solemnly, then turns her head slowly to face directly into the camera, her piercing green eyes flashing boldly as she speaks.)

JJ: "When David Fineberg contacted me about being here, he told me he had something important for me. He told me I was going to come here to show everyone once again that I was the best, and you know what? I thought he was talking about the brass ring. I figured, logically, he meant having me compete to regain the title which I never lost - the NEFW World Title. I was the last person to hold that belt before the fed closed it's doors for good, and when I watched the show open from the 36'' plasma screen inside my limo, I could hardly believe my ears. I dropped time from my busy schedule to be here for Fineberg, and he doesn't even give me the respect I deserve? For years I ran roughshod over this organization, despite all attempts to hold be back for being a woman, and in the very last day, I proved that I was the best, that I was the name the NEFW title history would take to it's grave. I just thought Fineberg would have the good sense to keep the history legitimate by having me contend for it, but he had other ideas. So you know what? I'm going to do the same thing I did all those years ago; I'm going to prove I'm the best, championship belt or no."

JS: "How is that, Ms. Jett?"

JJ: "When Fineberg said I had a chance to prove I was the best, he meant giving me the chance to wrestle, for the first time ever, one-on-one, the man who might just be the finest wrestler this federation has ever seen; the Rude Dude. The same Rude Dude who is not scheduled to wrestle at all before his encounter with me, which will happen, as you said, after I have already taken part in five different matches for the evening. But you know what? I'm going to do it. Joey Steroidz, 19 no-names, endless tag teams, even everybody in the entire federation, I'll go through them all, and I'll come out on top. And in the end, when Rude Dude looks up at me and the boot in his chest holding him down for the three count, he'll know who the best really was all this time. I am Jenna Jett, and people, hear me roar."

(Jenna gives a phantom kiss to the camera, then turns with a flourish of her long white jacket, striding off towards the wrestler's entrance.)

JS: "The one and only Jenna Jett, everybody. Lester, back to you."
(We return to the announce table, by ringside.)

LH: "Thank you Johnathan, and it's good to see Jenna again, ready for action."

EMAII: "Our foolish cameraman refuses to take advantage of his zoom lens! I shall destroy him!"

LH: "You weren't satisfied by the three barely-clad women in the last match, you've got to ogle Jenna Jett as well?"

EMAII: "I am never satisfied! And I was not ogling that cow, I was searching for weak points! Do you know the kind of evil kudos I'd get for killing a Saint?"

LH: "Well, with that in mind, I'm getting word that it's time for our next match!"

EMAII: "BIG kudos, Holland!"

LH: "This match will be another one of the entrants in the World Title Tournament, let's get to the ring and find out which of the six remaining competitors will be put together in this match."


EMAII: "With the sides of this battle so firmly tipped towards evil, it shall be only a matter of time before mighty Satan rules the NEFW once more!"

PD: "Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match, set for one fall, has a time limit of 1 hour and 28 minutes!"

LH: "We're running just a bit ahead of schedule, I daresay."

PD: "Introducing first . . . . "

Lock the Door, kill the Light
No one's coming home tonight
The sun beats down and don't you know

PD: "Weighing in at 269lbs . . . . RONIN!!"

All our lives are growing cold, oh . . .
They bring news that must get through
To build a dream for me and you, oh

(The arena is reduced to a twilight haze as a couple spotlights turn red and are directed towards the entrance. "No Quarter" fills the air as the Ronin emblem appears on the big screen. A large red monolith rises up from the stage and begins to rotate around, revealing Ronin crouched behind it; his red cloth-wrapped bet held against the ground. Ronin stands and steps off the platform. Just as Ronin leaves his post, pyro erupts, engulfing the monument. Ronin stands at the edge of the ramp for a moment and then slowly makes his way to the ring.)

EMAII: "Ha ha ha ha ha!! Of all the competitors for the NEFW World Title, none are so dark and twisted as the maniacal Ronin! It would take some unstoppable force of order and righteousness to offset to him, some sort of uber-paragon, someone . . .

PD: "And, his opponent . . .

*KSSSSSSssssssshhhhh*
*glug glug glug glug*

PD: "Weighing in at 307lbs . . . OLD BROWN HEINEKEN!!"

EMAII: "CURSES!"

(Old Brown Heineken steps out from behind the curtain, looking around, smiling broadly. As he listens to the sound of beer being poured into a glass, he walks down the aisle, slapping hands with fans who want to -- though only with his right hand. In his left, he is holding a cloth bag, which he puts down with the timekeeper, telling him to take good care of it 'til after the fight.)

LH: "And listen to that ovation, as Old Brown Heineken steps into an NEFW ring for the first time in years! These fans are on their feet!"

EMAII: "Sit down, you vile wretches! Do not be taken in by this fool's chiseled body and radiating charisma! Resist his winning smile and can-do attitude! I command it!!"

LH: "I think Ronin is a little taken aback by the response his opponent is getting! OBH isn't taking his eyes off of Ronin, but the man is smiling as the fans chant his name!"

EMAII: "Ignore that masculine jawline and perfect hair! Don't pay attention to his Olympian ass!"

LH: "Now you're starting to worry me."

EMAII: "Ignore it I say!!"

LH: "The bell has sounded, and the outpouring of support for Old Brown Heineken from these fans you've got to believe will give him an advantage in the early going. You can positively feel the energy in the arena being directed towards the original Beer Man. Ronin remaining in his corner, and you can see that sneer on his face. The man has no respect for anything but himself, and the response OBH is getting is only fueling his hatred."

EMAII: "I fully believe Ronin capable of defeating a man charged with the goodwill of 23,000 others."

LH: "Here they come, sizing one another up. These two men have not even seen one another in over six years, and now they're blocking each other's roads to the NEFW Title. There's a collar and elbow tie up, stalemate in the middle of the ring. A break, nothing resolved there. Another tie up, Ronin seems to be searching for leverage against his taller opponent. OBH a giant in his own right, standing just a quarter-foot shy of the seven mark. Ronin no slouch in strength, easily holding himself steady, and another break. So far two tests of strength and skill have warranted no advantage to either man."

EMAII: "Ronin must take advantage of his superior experience. Old Brown Heineken may have trained for this event, but Ronin's retirement came years after that of his foe, he is still fresher and more apt, and the added surprise of his presence on the card tonight gave OBH no time to prepare to face him. Do not be taken in by your pathetic physical contests, Lester Holland, it is the more subtle game we play in which Ronin shall find victory!"

LH: "You have an acute eye for evil details, Evil."

EMAII: "Do not abbreviate the name of Evil Masked Announcer II! We are not on friendly terms!"

LH: "These two circling each other again, and now OBH shoots for the leg. Ronin moves out of the way in time, backing up against the ropes. Ronin keeping some distance between himself and Old Brown Heineken for the moment, but here he comes for another tie up. Wait, a fake out, Ronin ducks behind, now going for a rear headlock. OBH has his arms, and flips Ronin over to his back! And there's a stomp to Ronin's chest by Old Brown Heineken! Elbow drop - Ronin rolls out of the way, OBH finds nothing but the canvas. Both men quickly back to their feet, and I'd have to say that Old Brown Heineken came out on top of that one."

EMAII: "It means nothing in the long run, I have faith in the evil powers behind Ronin to guide him towards victory!"

LH: "OBH gets in close, scoops up Ronin for a body slam, but Ronin escapes. Irish whip to Old Brown Heineken, sending him into the ropes. OBH back off, Ronin leapfrogs him as he goes to the opposite side of the ring. Here comes Heineken again, looking for a clothesline, but Ronin ducks underneath, and now takes off for the ropes himself! Both men heading towards each other mid-ring - and Ronin hits a cross body! Old Brown Heineken rolls through it, and slings Ronin off of him - both men come back up in a staredown! Still no way to determine which way this one is going to roll."

EMAII: "I differ, puny Holland, for though Old Brown Heineken was able to escape, he still fell prey to Ronin's manuever."

LH: "The phrase is "I beg" to differ."

EMAII: "I beg NO MAN!"

LH: "Ronin and Old Brown Heineken still feeling each other out after that exchange. There's another collar-elbow tie-up, and it doesn't look like either man is going to give an inch on this one! You can see Ronin straining under the position advantage of OBH, but he's keeping his feet planted in the middle of the ring. Old Brown Heineken pressing down hard now, really trying to overpower his opponent and establish some sort of edge in this match up. It looks like Ronin might be starting to give, OBH is exerting tremendous pressure down on him . . . is he going to go down? Ronin hesitating, you can see he's starting to waver . . . and . . . Ronin - he just kicked OBH in the knee! Ronin slides forward and Old Brown Heineken fell right into a kick which brings the big man down! Ronin abandoning the contest of strength and taking OBH for a fall, and now he's following up with a knee drop right on OBH's exposed back."

EMAII: "The first advantage of the match goes to Ronin! Clearly the sign of victory!"

LH: "Ronin backing off as Old Brown Heineken quickly regains his feet, and now the big man comes in for a charge! Ronin too slow to avoid the clothesline, and down to the mat he goes. Quickly back up, and it appears OBH isn't too happy with how that last exchange turned out. There's a stiff European uppercut to Ronin, backing him into the corner, and a hard Irish whip sends Ronin into the opposite turnbuckle. OBH running after him . . . and a big body splash! Ronin holding on to his chest and ribs as he staggers out of the corner, and it looks like that cheap shot to the knee has gotten Heineken's brown blood brewing!"

EMAII: "Desperation is all! Ronin shall soon clearly reassert his dominance, and the ring will run brown with the beer of the disbelievers!"

LH: "Old Brown Heineken softening up that chest of Ronin, most likely in preparation for the Final Call. Both of these men are five-star ring generals without a doubt, but Old Brown Heineken, perhaps, has the edge in experience and technical ability. There's a knife-edge chop to Ronin's chest, and another, taking a page out of his perrenial nemesis, the Rude Dude's book. OBH sends Ronin into the ropes, and catches him with a knee raise coming off! Ronin scrambles to the ropes and pulls himself up, I think OBH is smelling blood. Here he comes again, but Ronin staggers the big man with a hard right hand. There's another, and a third, Ronin starting to mount some offense against Old Brown Heineken, who up to this point has been the aggressor. Referee warning Ronin about those closed fists, and there's a knee to OBH's gut! Raised knee to the gut, and a DDT!"

EMAII: "Ronin has seized control of this match, and I assure you he will not soon relinquish those reins!"

LH: "Rein isn't in this match."

EMAII: "Burn eternally, Holland."

LH: "OBH trying to rise, as Ronin puts the boots to him. The referee intervening here, preventing Ronin from using those hard stomps. OBH back to his feet, and Ronin shoves the official aside as he leaps back onto Heineken! There's an exchange of fists going on, rights and lefts, and this has degenerated into a fist fight as Old Brown Heineken and Ronin hammer away at each other! Heineken stuns Ronin with a hard left, and now an elbow to the chest has Ronin stumbling into the center of the ring! Ronin throws another right hand - blocked by Heineken, who delivers a punch of his own! Ronin avoids another punch, and there's a rake to the eyes! OBH temporarily blinded by Ronin, who throws a kick to the side of Heineken - OBH catches the foot! ENZIGUIRI! Ronin blasts OBH in the back of the head, and what amazing athleticism by Ronin! OBH down like he's been shot, and Ronin goes into a cover!"


ONE!
















TWO!!

























THR - OBH with the shoulder up! OBH survives!"

EMAII: "I warned you all, did I not? Evil shall reign supreme this evening, and not even the power of Old Brown Heineken shall stand in the way of the Ronin's path of carnage!"

LH: "Old Brown Heineken still in this fight as Ronin pulls him up . . . and right into a half-chickenwing! Ronin trying to seperate OBH's shoulder here, and you can tell by Old Brown Heineken's face he's in pain as Ronin cinches that hold in. He's trying to get hold of OBH's other arm, but the Beer Man is fighting him off. It looks like OBH might be about to break the hold . . . and Ronin delivers a stiff kick to his back! Ronin broke the hold himself so he could kick in OBH's kidneys, and it looks like Ronin might be getting angry here. He wants to put OBH away fast and move on with the tournament."

EMAII: "Ronin has a distinct advantage over all other competitors, Lester, in that unless he takes part in the Pete's Wicked Ale match, he has no other contests here on this card. No matter who else makes it to the finals, Ronin will have wrestled only two matches to get there, whereas everyone else shall be worn down and beaten, giving him the upper hand!"

LH: "A disconcerting thought, but he has to get past Old Brown Heineken first, and OBH I'm sure would love to be in both matches of tonight's double main event. Ronin coming back in for a right hand - but OBH hooks his arm - and there's a belly-to-belly suplex! OBH driving the wind out of Ronin, and maybe kicking off what could be a comeback! Heineken drags Ronin to his feet, and now delivers a snap suplex! Heineken holding on, and now bringing Ronin back up - there's another suplex! OBH still hasn't released him . . . pulling Ronin back up again, and now . . . Heineken holding Ronin up in the air with a stalling vertical suplex! OBH letting the blood rush to Ronin's head for a good long while, what strength by OBH! When is he going to - Brainbuster! OBH comes down for the Brainbuster, and Ronin rolls off, clutching his head in pain! Old Brown Heineken with a trifecta of suplexes that ended quite poorly for his opponent!"

EMAII: "No! Ronin shall not be defeated in such a manner! I forbid it!"

LH: "Here comes OBH again, but wait, there's a drop toe hold by Ronin, and it sends OBH face-first into the mat! Ronin still had the presence of mind to defend himself, but he's not following up at all, he's just trying to get to safety. I don't think he quite planned on the methodical machine that is Old Brown Heineken, and he's switched into defensive mode!"

EMAII: "Ronin shall prevail in this contest, Holland, you mark my words!"

LH: "OBH approaching Ronin a bit more cautiously now, I think he's learned that Ronin never stops being dangerous. He's letting Ronin get to his feet, backing off a little, don't know how wise that is, but OBH knows what he's doing. Ronin eyeing OBH cautiously, he doesn't want to get mixed back up with that too quickly. Heineken makes the first move, a feint, Ronin doesn't go for it. Here comes Ronin, there's a tie-up, and Ronin goes behind into a hammerlock, outmanuevering Old Brown Heineken. Ronin straining, wait what - he's pulling OBH's arm over, and right into a shoulderbreaker! Shoulderbreaker to OBH's right arm, and now Ronin follows up with a hard Irish whip. OBH coming off the ropes, and gets caught by a big back body drop from Ronin! OBH in the air and coming down - Sunset flip!! INTO A COVER!!


ONE!!




















TWO!!!








































THREE - NO! Ronin just barely managed to kickout, as Old Brown Heineken nailed a sunset flip! OBH continues to block all attempts by Ronin to regain control of the match!"

EMAII: "Curse you, Old Brown Heineken! Your unfailing sense of fair play and sportsmanship shall be your demise!"

LH: "It's served him pretty well so far, as Ronin comes back up, dazed, and into an Arm Drag by Old Brown Heineken. OBH drops down into an armbar, but Ronin is too close to those ropes and manages to get his foot on them, and the ref breaks the hold. Old Brown Heineken up again, and Ronin follows. Ronin looking pained here, he's managed to inflict some damage to OBH, but the big man has just been one step ahead of him at every turn. Ronin, you can see in those eyes, trying to think up some strategy, something he can use to take control of this situation, which at the moment looks pretty grim for him."

EMAII: "You know not the meaning of the word grim, pitiful Holland!"

LH: "OBH coming after Ronin again, but Ronin deftly moves out of the way. Ronin with hard elbow to OBH, and now he applies a front facelock. OBH trying to fight out of it, and he . . . lifts Ronin up over his head!! OBH drops Ronin down to the outside - but Ronin lands on his feet on the apron! OBH turns, right into a headlock by Ronin - Ronin dives off the apron and drops OBH face-first over the ropes! OBH drops down stunned, and now Ronin is dragging him to the outside!"

EMAII: "YES! Surely here Ronin shall find his stride and achieve the victory evil so richly deserves!"

LH: "Both men on the outside now, and Ronin begins hammering away on Old Brown Heineken with a series of rights and lefts! Ronin with an Irish whip - OBH reverses - Ronin turns it back on him - and OBH goes spine-first into the ring post! OBH staggers off in pain, and Ronin is right behind him . . . there's a Samoan Neckbreaker onto the concrete!! Oh my God! Ronin may have finally gotten the big move he was looking for, as he drops Old Brown Heineken right to the floor with incredible impact! That merciless manuever may have changed the tide of the match for good!"

EMAII: "MWA HA HA HA HA! Outside of his precious ring, Old Brown Heineken's rules and structure are gone, now he is in Ronin's realm, where chaos reigns!"

LH: "Rein isn't in this - "

EMAII: "Shut up!"

LH: "Ronin pulls up a dazed Old Brown Heineken, and there's another hard whip, sending OBH right into the steel ring steps!! OBH down like a rag doll, and Ronin slides back into the ring to break up the referee's 10-count. The referee trying to keep Ronin in the ring, but Ronin shoves him off again, uh-oh. The ref doesn't like that, and now he's in Ronin's face about it. Ronin backing off, he definitely doesn't want to get disqualified, but you can tell by that face he is not happy about it. OBH being given some time to recover, but here comes Ronin again! Ronin back on the outside, dragging up Old Brown Heineken, who delivers a stiff punch to Ronin's gut. Ronin shaking it off, but there's another punch by OBH. A third - and a stomp by Ronin! Ronin pounding OBH down with those boots, stomping the fight right out of him, and now he's pulling him back up . . . and slams his face against the ring apron! And again - and again! I think . . . Ronin has busted Old Brown Heineken's forehead open on the ring apron, and he's quickly starting to don the crimson mask!"

EMAII: "With his lifeblood exposed, Ronin shall be able to feast upon Old Brown Heineken's soul, and exterminate his meaningless existance for good and all!"

LH: "Ronin rolling the bleeding Old Brown Heineken back into the ring! OBH is out of it, he may not even know where he is right now, and here comes Ronin . . . oh no, Ronin has the top rope, and he's dropping back down to the floor - this could be it! IT IS - DESTINY'S EMBRACE! RONIN GOES FOR IT -
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--- AND OBH ROLLS BACK OUT OF THE RING!!"

EMAII: "NO!!!!"

LH: "Ronin eats the mat and comes up clutching his chest as OBH remains motionless on the outside! He had just enough presence of mind to avoid the Embrace and drop under the bottom rope to the floor! Ronin took the full impact of Destiny's Embrace and is having trouble breathing! He's staring with baleful hatred to the outside, where Old Brown Heineken is struggling to get back to his feet!"

EMAII: "Cut his legs out from under him, Ronin! I brought a hacksaw with me!"

LH: "Ronin still in pain as OBH strains to regain his footing. Look at the blood he's losing, his face has been practically dyed red from Ronin gashing his forehead open. Ronin, also off-balance, looking to stand up again. The ref starts a count on Old Brown Heineken, and I don't know if he has the power to answer it. Ronin could just let OBH be counted out and this match will be his! He's taking a step back in the ring, maybe waiting to see how this plays out as the ref hits four . . . OBH gets his hand on the apron! I think he's . . . yes, OBH is starting to pull himself in! Referee Jack Walsh up to six . . . seven . . . OBH is almost back into the ring . . .
AND RONIN WITH A BASEBALL SLIDE CATCHES OBH RIGHT IN THE FACE!"

EMAII: "That's using the ol' evil!"

LH: "Ronin saw OBH was about to get back in the ring, and took him right back out of it with that baseball slide! Ronin gets back up and pulls OBH to his feet, but OBH breaks it up! Ronin coming in again - Heineken with a headbutt! Ronin is dazed, and Old Brown Heineken picks him up and drops him face-first into the crowd barrier! Ronin stumbling away as OBH gets back into the ring! Old Brown Heineken managing to escape with that amazing burst of strength, but he's using the ropes to support himself now, and Ronin is bleeding from the nose! Ronin looks to be in shock, he can't believe OBH still has this much fight left in him . . .and Old Brown Heineken is back on his feet! He's calling Ronin back into the ring, he wants more! This match isn't over yet, not by a longshot!"

EMAII: "Listen to these pathetic fans chant for Old Brown Heineken! They shall all go home disappointed tonight!"

LH: "I think those cheers are driving OBH on, as he's staring through those streams of blood on his face with a more intense gaze than ever! And now Ronin comes back into the ring, and as amazing as it sounds, I think everything up until now was just warm up! It looks like now these two mean business!"

EMAII: "Now we shall see Ronin truly explore the real depths of his evil might! MWA HA HA HA HA! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

LH: "These two buffalo charge, and there's an exchange of hard right hands! What fury they're punching each other with! OBH with a knife-edge chop to Ronin's chest, and now another, raising some vicious welts! And Ronin counters with a kick to OBH's gut, and now an uppercut right above Heineken's right eye! Heineken scoops up Ronin and drops him down with a body slam - but there's another drop toe hold by Ronin to OBH, and Ronin scrambles up to drop some elbows on the exposed back! Heineken quickly escaping, coming up holding his back, and he catches Ronin with a toe-hold of his own - wait, he grabs the arm - he drops Ronin face-first into the mat, and he locks on a crossface!! A crossface on Ronin!! Heineken looks like a man possessed as he tears and grinds at Ronin's neck and shoulder! Walsh slides down looking for a tap out! Will Ronin submit?"

EMAII: "Unlikely!! Try as he might, Ronin has weakened OBH's arms, and thus his gripping power, and he is not a man known for his submission prowess anyway! Ronin shall find a way out of this one, you mark my words!"

LH: "So marked. But it doesn't look like OBH is any stranger to submission moves here, as he's ripping Ronin's insides apart with this crossface! Ronin desperately trying to escape, but OBH isn't giving an inch! The official here checking Ronin over to see if he'll tap out, but this man, for all his faults, doesn't have an ounce of quit in him, but I doubt Old Brown Heineken will ever release his hold! This could be it for Ronin!"

EMAII: "Cease your foolish mortal dreaming! Old Brown Heineken's downfall is assured! EVIL commands it to be so!"

LH: "Ronin struggling like an animal in a trap as OBH continues to hold on this crossface, his free hand desperately searching for the bottom rope! He's crawling forward at a snail's pace, centimeter by centimeter towards that rope! Old Brown Heineken shaking his bloodied head no, not letting him get away, and that rope is just an inch or so away from Ronin's vainly searching fingers! Ronin could be about to tap out, he's got nowhere to go, but he's still fighting on! This crowd chanting for a tap out! Old Brown Heineken trying with all his might to give it to them! Ronin's hand is raised, I think he's getting read to quit! Here it comes!! He . . . he . . . .

EMAII: "THANK EVIL!"

LH: "RONIN GRABS THE BOTTOM ROPE! REFEREE JACK WALSH CALLS ON OBH TO BREAK THE HOLD!!"

EMAII: "I warned you pathetic fools, Ronin shall not be defeated this day!"

LH: "Ronin clinging to that bottom rope, and I can't even imagine what he must be feeling as OBH disbelievingly rolls off, trying to regain his own strength after trying so hard to get the submission! Ronin favoring that right arm as he rises, he's definitely been hurt by the immense power of Old Brown Heineken. Both men very slow to get back to their feet, but here comes Old Brown Heineken with a clubbing forearm blow to Ronin. Ronin staggering, trying to get away, OBH is all over him."

EMAII: "Ronin, exert your power over the forces of darkness! You can still win this match!"

LH: "Ronin catches OBH with a back elbow, but takes the opportunity to put some distance between them. Old Brown Heineken coming after Ronin again, there's another forearm, a move designed to stun, and now a whip into the ropes. OBH catches Ronin coming off - and into a thunderous spinebuster! Ronin planted in the middle of the ring, and Old Brown Heineken is looking to the fans! He's looking at the turnbuckle, and this arena is erupting, they all know what's coming next!"

EMAII: "No! Ronin, wake up! Sweet evil, don't let this happen!"

LH: "Old Brown Heineken going to the top rope! He's staring at Ronin, calling on him to stand up! Ronin is slowly rising, he looks completely out of it! He's turning around . . . OBH takes to the air!! IT'S THE FINAL CALL!! HE HIT - RONIN REVERSES IT INTO A POWERSLAM!! A MIDAIR POWERSLAM!! RONIN WITH THE COVER!!


ONE!!























TWO!!!





































THREEEEEEEEEEOEEBEEHKICKS OUT!

EMAII: "SATAN DAMMIT!"

LH: "I don't believe Ronin had the presence of mind to carry out that move, but he completely turned the Final Call around on Old Brown Heineken, and the momentum of this match has once again shifted! Ronin now laying the boots to the prone Ronin, and now dragging him into the corner and positively stomping a hole in him! Old Brown Heineken struggling to defend himself against Ronin's renewed assault, and there's Ronin with a blatent choke using his boot! The ref breaks it up, but Ronin goes right back into it! Jack Walsh really yelling at him now, and Ronin finally backs off . . . and now dives into the corner with a punch right to Old Brown Heineken's jaw! Ronin pulls OBH to his feet, and OBH fights him off with a knife-edge chop! Ronin bleeding from the chest and nose now, and Old Brown Heineken, amazingly, still on his feet despite being painted with his own blood!"

EMAII: "Which is really much more fun than it sounds."

LH: "Heineken still fighting back, but Ronin with a thumb to the eye! Ronin has had no qualms about utilizing some cheap shots throughout this encounter. Ronin now heaving up Old Brown Heineken - and drops him down with the Death Valley Driver!! A DVD plants Old Brown Heineken, and Ronin is sitting up, bloodlust in his eyes!"

EMAII: "Inferno and Twisted Steel aren't in this - "

LH: "It was old when I did it."

EMAII: "I WILL kill you."

LH: "Ronin has a dazed Old Brown Heineken on the mat, and he's clapping on a reverse headlock and bringing him to his feet . . . and dropping him right back down again! Inverted Facelock DDT, and Ronin looking to make sure OBH stays down! He's got a hook of the leg!! There's the ref!

ONE!!















TWOOO!!!!!











































THREEEEEEEANOTHER SHOULDER UP BY OBH!!"


EMAII: "These nearfalls are frustrating and bothersome, and would be solved by the simple application of some sort of bladed instrument."

LH: "Ronin bringing Old Brown Heineken up again, delivering a few knees to his gut to keep him stunned, and now, augh! He plants OBH with an underhook piledriver! A devastating move, and OBH's blood is filling this ring! I'm amazed the match hasn't been stopped! Ronin now, deliberately choking Ronin, and the referee is coming in to break it up. Ronin refusing to break the hold, he's determined to make sure Old Brown Heineken stays down! Walsh is threatening a disqualification, and now Ronin breaks the hold and starts yelling at the ref!"

EMAII: "Keep your attention on Heineken, you fool! Do not tarry with irrelevant officials!"

LH: "Ronin telling Walsh to back off in no uncertain terms, and he'd better watch it or he'll lose this match! Ronin starts to - OH MY GOD! SCHOOLBOY! SCHOOLBOY!! OBH GOT RONIN! HE GOT HIM! HERE'S A COVER!!


ONE!!!








































TWO!!!!

























































THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEBUTITDOESN'TCOUNTBECAUSERONINKICKEDOUTATTWOAND99/100THS!

EMAII: "HOW IS HE STILL ALIVE?!"

LH: "Old Brown Heineken almost pinned Ronin, who somehow managed to get his shoulder up! Old Brown Heineken dragging himself over to the ropes as Ronin stands in disbelief! He's incredulous that OBH is even still conscious! He's charging blindly - OBH pulls down the top rope!! Ronin flies to the outside and to the floor!! Old Brown Heineken lowbridged Ronin, and he just tumbled face-first onto the concrete!"

EMAII: "UNBELIEVABLE!"

LH: "Old Brown Heineken is using everything he's got in him to rise back up to his feet, as Ronin remains motionless on the outside! Old Brown Heineken on his feet, Jack Walsh making sure he wants to continue, and he's saying he'll go on! OBH's prodigious vocabulary might dwarf some thesauruses, but I doubt you'll ever find the word "Quit" anywhere in there! Jack begins a count on Ronin, and OBH collapses into the corner!"

EMAII: "Ronin already begins to stir, this match shall not end in such an anticlimatic fashion!"

LH: "Ronin indeed up, and clearly unsteady on his feet. His nose has been busted open, and OBH has risen bleeding welts on his chest with those knife-edge chops of his. The ref is up to 6, and Ronin gives a hateful stare towards Old Brown Heineken and spits blood through his teeth! He's climbing back into the ring, and OBH is pulling himself up! These two beasts still have fight left in them, and neither man will stop until he can't move any more!"

EMAII: "Good, because I am fully confident that Ronin is willing to kill Old Brown Heineken in order to win this match!"

LH: "Old Brown Heineken on his feet, Ronin back in the ring! Ronin charges at Old Brown Heineken - OBH ducks underneath a clothesline and takes off for the opposite side of the ring! Here they come again in the middle - Ronin leapfrogging OBH, who spins!! But his punch catches only air as Ronin ducks underneath it! Ronin with OBH's arm, going for an underhook, but OBH spins out of it, reversing it into a whip towards the ropes - Ronin stops himself on the ropes and comes back towards Old Brown Heineken! There's a crossbody - OBH ducks it this time!! Ronin hits the mat, but rolls back up to his feet and avoids a knee drop attempt by OBH! Old Brown Heineken yanked into an Irish whip by Ronin, here he is coming off the ropes . . . Ronin's clothesline attempt ducked, OBH coming off the opposite ropes . . . TORNADO DDT!! HE GOT HIM! OBH CATCHES RONIN WITH A TORNADO DDT!! RONIN IS DOWN! OBH IS UP! HE'S GOING TO THE TOP AGAIN! THIS COULD BE IT!"

EMAII: "NO! IT CAN'T END THIS WAY!! IT CAN'T!!"

LH: "Old Brown Heineken on the top turnbuckle, and Ronin is slowly, slowly rising to his feet! He's practically out on his feet!! These fans are on their feet!! Look at this reaction!!! RONIN IS TURNING!"

EMAII: "STAY DOWN, RONIN! STAY DOWN!!"

LH: "THE FINAL CALL!! OLD BROWN HEINEKEN COMING DOWN ON RONIN FOR - RONIN PULLS JACK WALSH IN THE WAY!! OBH HITS THE FINAL CALL ON THE REF!! HE JUST TOOK THE OFFICIAL OUT!! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!!"

EMAII: "PRAISE ALL THAT IS EVIL!! RONIN HAS SACRIFICED SOMEONE ELSE TO SAVE HIMSELF!"

LH: "Old Brown Heineken realizing what he's done, and here comes Ronin - but OBH cuts him off with a kick to the gut! Old Brown Heineken setting him up . . . POWERBOMB!! A vicious powerbomb spikes Ronin off the canvas, and OBH goes into a cover!! ONE! TWO!! THREE!!! FOUR!!! FIVE!!!! But there's no one there to count!!"

EMAII: "Ronin has eliminated that superfluous addition to the match! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

LH: "Old Brown Heineken trying to rouse Jack Walsh, but he really nailed him with that Final Call, the ref is down and out! Ronin is crawling towards the corner, it looks like he's trying to buy some time . . . Ronin now rolling out of the ring as OBH continues to try and rouse the official!"

EMAII: "What are you doing, Ronin? Take advantage of him now, while his back is turned!"

LH: "Ronin seems to be going through the clothes in his corner, I . . . oh no. No, Ronin! Don't do it!! RONIN!"

EMAII: "AHHH! NOW I see where the marked one is going! I APPROVE!"

LH: "Ronin coming back into the ring, and he's got his damn baseball bat with him! Don't do it, Ronin!! OBH, turn around!! Turn around, dammit!! Don't let him - "

*CRACK*

EMAII: "BRILLIANT!"

LH: "RONIN JUST DRILLED HIS BASEBALL BAT INTO OLD BROWN HEINEKEN'S SKULL! OLD BROWN HEINEKEN IS DOWN LIKE A PUPPET WITH THE STRINGS CUT! And Ronin continuing to hammer his defenseless body with his baseball bat!! Why, Ronin!? Why would you ruin the match!?"

EMAII: "Because this way he WINS!"

LH: "The referee is starting to stir, and Ronin tosses the bat to the outside! He's going towards the ropes . . . NO! RONIN, YOU BASTARD!! HE'S GOING DOWN . . . DESTINY'S EMBRACE!!! DESTINY'S EMBRACE!!! RONIN CONNECTS WITH OLD BROWN HEINEKEN, BUT YOU ALREADY BEAT HIM SENSELESS, WITH A DAMN BASEBALL BAT!"

EMAII: "COVER HIM NOW, YOU FOOL!! COVER HIM NOW!!"

LH: "RONIN DROOPS HIMSELF OVER OLD BROWN HEINEKEN!! JACK WALSH DRAGS HIMSELF INTO THE COUNT!! NOT LIKE THIS!! NOT LIKE THIS!!!"



ONE!!!



































TWO!!!











































































THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

*DingDingDing!*

PD: "And the winner, as the result of a pinfall, RONIN!"

EMAII: "YES!! YES!!! I KNEW IT!! DID I NOT TELL YOU, FOOLISH HOLLAND?! WAS I NOT IN THE RIGHT?! EVIL HAS CARRIED THE DAY!"

LH: "Ronin used that baseball bat and cheated his way through the match! Old Brown Heineken was ROBBED!
These fans are filling the ring with garbage! Ronin being booed out of the building for that attack! We've got to cut to the back while we get this cleaned up, and someone get some damn medical attention for Old Brown Heineken, since he was just assaulted! Ronin goes on to the semi finals, and by God, Suess, if you're listening, you take him out for all of us!"

EMAII: "Before the day is done, the NEFW shall rest firmly in the hands of darkness!"
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(We go to the back, where we are immediately greeted by the sight of Rein Engel making his way to the entranceway with Rasco Raines beside him, Swift Nick waiting at the Gorilla position. Rein casts a glance to his side and stops, the camera panning over to find David Fineberg approaching the ramp, Manslayer by his side, and behind the two of them, Typhoon, now carrying the case full of championship belts. Or rather, dragging it behind him, his brow runny with sweat from the effort. When he realizes everyone has stopped to look at each other, he collapses on top of it with a sigh of relief.)

REIN ENGEL: "Well if it isn't the other kike that makes my life miserable. What's the big idea with this elimination match, Fineberg? Trying to soften us up to make sure we don't win the tag titles later?"

RASCO RAINES: "And then you've got us both in the TLC match for the Cruiserweight strap. You're going to great lengths to make sure we get the crap kicked out of us before all of our title fights."

FINEBERG: "Gentlemen, I put you on the card because the fans demanded it, there's no - "

RASCO RAINES: "Man screw that, you're just another bad President making things unfair for us in the rank and file. Hanyock."

FINEBERG: "Listen you, I put together this event after months of careful planning, and I decided - "

REIN ENGEL: "What? That you were going to go out of your way to make things as unfair for us as possible? That you wanted to see M2S dragged down on a grand scale? Go on, tell us what you decided."

(Fineberg is silent for a moment, staring at the duo. Then, with a narrowing of eyes, he straightens out his suit jacket and tie, then beckons for Manslayer and Typhoon to follow after him.)

FINEBERG: "I've decided that if you really want things to be unfair, I can make them unfair. That 6-man Cruiserweight TLC match? Well as of right now, it's an 8-man. And one of the men I'm throwing in is the one who just defeated Scourge at his own game. Butcher Ben is now part of the match!"

RASCO RAINES: "Yeah, so? What, like he'll have stopped bleeding by then?"

FINEBERG: "Very funny, Rasco. Let's see if you think it's as funny as the 8th entrant into the match."

REIN ENGEL: "Why, who've you got? The Magician?"

FINEBERG: "No, he couldn't make it. But that's beside the point. You're just going to have to wait and find out. And I'll make sure everyone else in the match knows that it's because of the two of you that I decreased everybody's odds of winning. Gentlemen. Have a good match."

(Fineberg takes off as The Menace 2 Sobriety looks on in disgust. The sound of a beer cracking open is heard, and Rasco brings a fresh can of Natty Light to his lips.)

RASCO RAINES: "Man I hate that guy."

(Another beer cracks open, and Rein joins him in partaking.)

REIN ENGEL: "Manyerd."

(The two of them knock back their brew, and then the sound of a bottle being popped open is heard. The pair stops and looks at each other, then at Swift Nick, who shrugs, having no alcohol on him. Then the camera pans around once again, and we see Drunken Master, his freshly-opened bottle of Guinness already polished off, wiping his lips and grinning evilly at M2S.)

RASCO RAINES: "It's that Irish guy we don't like!"

REIN ENGEL: "Ron Howard?"

RASCO RAINES: "The other one, the one who hangs out with that annoying Jewish guy with the motorcycle!"

REIN ENGEL: " . . . Ron Howard?"

DRUNKEN MASTER: "'Ello, rehtahrds!"

LITTLE BLUE SUPER JEW: "And shalom!"

(Before Rein Engel can fully spin around, his nemesis, Little Blue Super Jew, slams onto the scene with a thunderous charge, lifting Rein off the ground and through the entrance curtain. The fans begin cheering as Rein rolls down the ramp, LBSJ in hot pursuit as behind them, Rasco spills out, trading blows with a surly Drunken Master. The four begin clamoring towards the ring, and then hot on their heels comes Swift Nick, a steel chair in hand, but before he can make it too far Lucky slams into the back of his knee bodily, and leaps on his back to claw at his hair and skin when the Canadian goes down.)

LH: "I don't . . . I don't think this . . . wait, Rein and LBSJ are fighting into the ring, and our official has called for the bell! I think this Tag Team Triple Threat Elimination Match is officially underway!"

EMAII: "But the other sacrifices have not yet arrived! I cannot properly summon a demon from the stinking depths of Tartarus with these four rye-soaked fools!"

LH: "It really bugs me when you refer to the wrestlers as sacrifices."

EMAII: "It won't "bug" you as much as the PLAGUE OF LOCUSTS! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

LH: "That was terrible."

EMAII: "It was EVIL."

LH: "Rein Engel gaining the upper hand in the ring with an elbow to the Hebrew Hero's solar plexus, and Drunken Master and Rasco Raines have been forced to take their corners, and it appears security has prevented Swift Nick from hurtling Lucky into the crowd. And here comes Jenna Jett! Scourge may be too injured to participate in this match as her partner, but she's coming down to the ring anyway, and hot on her heels are Mass Destruction!! Here come their partners, Tommy McKnight and Chris Rogers -- and McKnight makes a beeline for Swift Nick!!! It looks like Tommy is bitter about that loss earlier tonight, and he's attacking Swift Nick on the outside!"

EMAII: "Four teams are represented, but where is this mystery fifth team that foolish Hebrew promised us? I will have answers!"

(The crowd gasps as, just as Jenna Jett and Terry Storm leap onto the apron to enter the match, the arena is plunged into darkness. No sooner does the action stop than the spotlights begin searching for the entrance ramp, piercing through the dark as . . . )

Welcome to my world
Headfirst to the earth
With my sights on the goddamned kill switch I've become a fuse
Charged with attitude
Fixed and dilated by my anger

I have become a direct
I have become a current
I have become a direct
I have become insurgent
I will be the power surge
Shock to the system
Electrified, amplified
Shock to the system

(The action in the ring freezes as the combatants turn to see the menacing figure of Drayven himself emerge from the back, the tune of "Shock" by Fear Factory filling the arena. He stands alone for a moment, and then from behind him, Cross and Unforgiven emerge to a thunderous cheer from the crowd. The lights begin coming back on as the reassembled Saints of Damnation join the fray.)

LH: "It's the Saints of Damnation! They're back!! The Saints have reunited for Wrestlefest X!"

EMAII: "At last, sweet evil has reared it's head into this match, before littered only with unfulfilled dreams and alcohol dependency!"

LH: "Let's go over the rules of this match! Currently in the ring are Little Blue Super Jew, Rein Engel, Maxx, and Jenna Jett! It looks like Unforgiven is going to start things out for the Saints, as now he joins the fracas! We've got at least five referees out here, it looks like, trying to keep order on the outside, as waiting at ringside are Lucky, Chris Rogers, Swift Nick, Tommy McKnight and Drayven!"

EMAII: "The atmosphere is so explosive it makes me yearn to spray the crowd with napalm!"

LH: "One man - er, person - from each team will remain in the ring at all times. Tags can only be made to your partner, and when someone is pinned, their team is eliminated! When three teams have been eliminated, the final two teams will then be allowed to bring in their third member, and the format of the match will change to six-man tag rules. The winner of that is the winner of this match!"

EMAII: "It's so twisted and convoluted that only the menacing hand of Satan could have thought it up."

LH: "In the ring we've got Jenna Jett hammering away at Little Blue Super Jew, who's being double teamed by her and Rein. Unforgiven flinging himself off the ropes at Maxx, who catches him in the air, but Unforgiven's got momentum on his side, and turns it into a spinning DDT! Now he's pulling Rein off of LBSJ, and going to work with lefts and rights!"

EMAII: "Jenna Jett's chances with her pet monster at her side may have been great, but she is a fool for coming to this match alone! With no one to tag out to, the Upstarts shall be eliminated quickly!"

LH: "A keen observation EMAII, and speaking of tags here comes Cross. Unforgiven holding Rein Engel as he tags in his partner, and Cross comes in with a running kick to the Prodigy! Unforgiven out of the ring, and Cross now, whipping Rein into Maxx, who clubs him down with a clothesline! Maxx clearly the biggest man in the match by a wide margin in the absence of Scourge, whom we have yet to receive word on after that gruesome Kiddie Pool of Death match. Cross coming after Maxx now, and there's a collar-and-elbow tie up between the two, but it's broken up as Jenna Jett airplane tosses Little Blue Super Jew into them! All three men go tumbling down, and maybe Jenna's chances aren't as bad as we think!"

EMAII: "Do not hold on to such vain and foolish hopes, Lester Holland."

LH: "Rein Engel making a quick tag to Rasco Raines, who replaces him and goes right for Jenna like a truck! Jenna the recipient of an elbow to the back of the head, and now there's a backbreaker by Rasco Raines onto Jenna Jett. Jenna rolls off in pain, and here comes Maxx off the ropes towards Rasco. Rasco sidesteps the charge - and into a spinning wheel kick by Little Blue Super Jew! LBSJ clobbers Rasco Raines, then makes a dive into his corner! Tag to Drunken Master!"

EMAII: "Oh fantastic. There's no one Satan hates more than the Irish."

LH: "Why is that?"

EMAII: "Do not question Satan!"

LH: "Drunken Master stumbling through the ropes, and he meets Cross with a headbutt! Cross staggering, and here comes Maxx, taking advantage with a big belly-to-belly to Cross. Now Drunken Master is attacking Maxx, using some knife edge chops to the big man. But there's Jenna Jett with a kick to DM's chin, sending the mick into the ropes! But Maxx floors Jenna with a clothesline!! Maxx just brought Jenna straight to the mat, and now he tags in Terry Storm!"

EMAII: "Let us hope that this match ends in the death of at least four of these competitors, it will thin out the herd for the culling later on."

LH: "Terry Storm not wasting any time here, going straight for Drunken Master. Let's not forget there's some bad blood between Mass Destruction and Racially Motivated Violence as well as Menace 2 Sobriety. Terry Storm with a boot to DM's gut, and now a European uppercut! DM in trouble, as Rasco Raines joins Terry for the double team - triple team, Cross is on him now too! Storm holding DM as Rasco and Cross take it to him. Rasco winding up for a haymaker - Jenna Jett catches his arm! Jenna with a reverse DDT to Rasco, and now Drunken Master flips Terry Storm over into Cross - both of them are down! Jenna goes after DM!!! Drunken Master catches her foot - anklelock!!! Drunken Master places Jenna Jett in an anklelock!! Jenna struggling to try and get out, but the Kommandant of the Keg shows no signs of letting go! Jenna is going to have to give in here before her ankle breaks - BUT TERRY STORM NAILS DRUNKEN MASTER FROM BEHIND!"

EMAII: "This match is absolute, everyone-for-themself chaos! Behold the future of your puny world, mortal specks! Man and woman fighting one another tooth and nail for survival, and all the weak shall be eliminated! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

LH: "This match so far has been as chaotic as it's beginning, Jenna pulling herself to the ropes, but she's got no partner to tag out to. Terry Storm with a German suplex to Drunken Master, and now Rasco Raines puts a hammerlock on Storm. Terry is struggling as Cross picks up Drunken Master, and there's an Irish whip to the Irishman. Rasco pushes Storm forward, and DM and Storm collide mid-ring! They collapse on top of each other - and Rasco runs forward and uses their bodies as a springboard! Flying leg press to Cross!! And now Rasco tags in Rein Engel!"

EMAII: "Menace 2 Sobriety, despite the volume of liquor running through their feeble veins, continue to be a cohesive and effective tag team."

LH: "Rein Engel coming in off the top rope, and lands a crossbody on Cross! Rein with a cover on his own brother! One! Tw- a kickout by Cross, who quickly rolls to the ropes and pulls himself up. Terry Storm is back on his feet, and Jenna Jett flings him into the corner. RUNNING FLIP KICK!! Storm may have just had his nose broken! He's down in the corner, and Jenna is choking him with her boot, the ref is telling her to break it up. Jenna turns to argue - and Rein Engel hits her with a running clothesline and sends her out over the top rope!!! Jenna Jett has been flung to the outside by Rein Engel, who is going up top! He's aiming for Drunken Master, still . . . I think he's taking a nap in the middle of the ring. A moonsault!!"

EMAII: "It wouldn't be Wrestlefest without . . . "

LH: "AND REIN ENGEL EATS THE MAT, DM ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY!"

EMAII: "That."

LH: "Drunken Master slowly rising to his feet as Terry Storm comes up in the corner. Wait, now Cross has got a hold of Drunken Master, and delivers a full nelson slam to the Irishman. Jenna still down on the outside, in danger of being counted out as Terry Storm picks up Rein Engel, and there's a gorilla press drop to the helpless Engel. Storm turning his attention to Cross, and there's a clubbing right hand from the leader of Mass Destruction. Chris Roger's chances of entering this match are looking pretty good right now."

EMAII: "Three combatants are down, some tags must be made if this carnage is to continue!"

LH: "Storm and Cross trading right hands in the center of the ring - wait, here comes Drunken Master!! DOUBLE TAKEDOWN! Both men hit the canvas, and DM is staggering to the ropes - tag to Little Blue Super Jew!! The Hebrew Hero re-enters the match! And he unloads a rapid fire series of rights and lefts on Terry Storm! Here comes Cross, LBSJ ducks the clothesline, and takes Cross down with a hip toss! Little Blue Super Jew now running to the ropes - flying crossbody to Cross! LBSJ a house of fire! Jenna Jett has re-entered the ring and saved her chances here, if she can be said to have any, but now LBSJ's got his attention on Terry Storm, and he signals for DM to put his boot up on the rope. And he rams Storm's head into it! Terry Storm staggering, and LBSJ following up on his attack with a running knee lift! Storm goes down, and LBSJ goes into a cover!"


ONE!






















TWO!!!



























TH- NO!! The punishment was quick and harsh, but not enough to keep Storm down!"

EMAII: "The Jew will have to try harder than that if he seeks an elimination this early in the match. This calls for much more bloodshed, much, MUCH more bloodshed!"

LH: "Jenna Jett has rejoined the fight, and Cross has tagged out to Unforgiven. I'll never get used to seeing a woman taking a beating like Jenna does, right alongside the men. LBSJ is back up with Terry Storm, and here comes Unforgiven from behind - but LBSJ catches him and brings him down into a crossface!! Unforgiven in the crossface! And now Jenna Jett is stepping over - and she applies the Boston crab!! Unforgiven locked in two submission holds at once!! Will he tap out?! How can he survive this!?"

EMAII: "Break him in two, that will disqualify his team! I'm reasonably sure, anyway."

LH: "Unforgiven only has one free appendage, and it's an arm he can tap out with! Rein Engel back to his feet, but he's letting this one slide, he's got no love for the Saints of Damnation! Terry Storm taking the moment to recuperate, and Unforgiven is all alo - DRAYVEN JUST PULLED LBSJ OUT OF THE RING! Is that a disqualification?! No, I'm being told the third men are potentially part of the match, this only merits a five count!! Unforgiven now able to grab the ropes, and his team is saved! LBSJ jawing at Drayven, AND LUCKY LEAPS ON DRAYVEN'S BACK! Drayven is clawing at his back as the little man punches his tiny fists into him! But here's Swift Nick to pull Lucky off of Drayven - TOMMY MCKNIGHT WITH A SUPERKICK TO SWIFT NICK! Pandemonium has broken out here on the outside, and the five third men are now breaking into a brawl!"

EMAII: "The chaos spreads! This match will be the end of these men, and the beginning of a breakdown of all civilization!"

LH: "Little Blue Super Jew climbing back into the ring, and he's met with a boot to the head by Maxx!! Terry Storm must have tagged in Maxx while we were distracted by the action on the outside, and there's the Goozle!! Maxx with a big chokeslam to LBSJ! That will take the wind out of his sails! The big man has Rein Engel now - and a powerbomb ONTO Little Blue Super Jew!! Maxx charging in this match like a freight train, and there's a powerslam on Unforgiven! It's Maxx and Jenna Jett now, and Jenna avoids a right hand, she's going for a front facelock on Maxx - but Maxx picks her up and delivers a face-first slam! Maxx has absolute control of this match in hand, and look at the other team members clamoring for tags as the officials try to restore order on the outside! Everyone is down, Maxx has cleaned house! He's picking Jenna Jett up again, and this poor girl never stood a chance! THE WRECKING BALL!! Maxx hits the wrecking ball on Jenna Jett, and he goes into a cover!! I think this is all over for Jenna Jett!"

ONE!!
























TWO!!






























TH -

Hey, yeah - Im the one that you wanted
Hey, yeah - Im your superbeast
Hey, yeah - Im the one that you wanted
Hey, yeah - Im your superbeast

EMAII: "Could it be true?!"

LH: "SCOURGE HAS JUST EMERGED FROM THE BACK!! HE'S COVERED IN BANDAGES AND ABRASIONS, BUT HIS ENTRANCE ACTUALLY SHOCKED MAXX OUT OF THE COVER!! UNBELIEVABLE!! THE MONSTER IS MAKING HIS WAY DOWN THE RAMP!!"

EMAII: "Scourge is truly a testament to the will of evil! Only hours after being delivered to death's door, he has crawled his way back, no doubt with the promise of sending others to take his place there!"

LH: "The monster Scourge, bandaged on his arms and face, dried blood on his back, is charging down to ringside! He pulls Cross off of the apron and flings him into the ring steps! Now he's climbing up into the ring! JENNA JETT WITH A DIVE - Maxx catches her in the air - BUT THE AMAZON MAKES THE TAG! SCOURGE IS IN THE MATCH! SCOURGE IS IN THE MATCH!"

EMAII: "Now the blood and entrails held within these combatants will finally see the light of day!"

LH: "Scourge climbs in over the top rope! There he is, exchanging heavy lefts and rights with Maxx! Scourge gets the upper hand, and know a knee to the gut - and a tilt-a-whirl slam!! What power by Scourge on the 350-pound Maxx! Scourge now stomping a mudhole in him! I can't believe Scourge has recovered after that hellacious match just a few hours ago! The Upstarts are back together, and they might have a shot at winning it all!"

EMAII: "It appears the referees have managed to restore order on the outside. I shall destroy them for such an affront!"

LH: "Unforgiven and Little Blue Super Jew back on their feet, and they find themselves faced with the Scourge! These two combined don't weigh as much as the superbeast! Little Blue Super Jew, no stranger to a match with Scourge, coming off the ropes, looking to use speed to his advantage. Rein Engel back up as well, and it looks like Scourge could be on the receiving end of a triple team here. Unforgiven dodging and weaving as Scourge comes after him, and there's LBSJ with a dropkick from behind! Rein Engel coming at him, looking for a head scissors . . . and he gets powerbombed for his troubles! Rein hurled across the ring on his back, and he might be out of it! But Rasco Raines tags his partner's body, and now he's the legal man! Raines is in, and Scourge has his hands on Unforgiven! Bearhug, crushing the life out of the Saint! Now he flings him aside into LBSJ, but the Jewish Juggernaut manages to avoid the collision, and instead Unforgiven gets sent into the corner! And he tags out to Cross!"

EMAII: "Such fast-paced changing of characters, are we sure all the legal men are still attempting to murder one another?"

LH: "It's Little Blue Super Jew, Cross, Rasco Raines, Scourge, and Maxx currently in the ring, and Maxx is trying to recover from that surprise beating by Scourge. Cross with his hands on Little Blue Super Jew, bringing him up for a death valley driver - but Little Blue Super Jew slips down the back! SCHOOL BOY! A PIN ON CROSS!


ONE!!




















TWO!!























THRE - CROSS GRABS THE BOTTOM ROPE! Cross gets his hand on the rope and saves the Saints of Damnation!"

EMAII: "They need no help, for they have the forces of evil on their side!"

LH: "Cross quickly making an escape as LBSJ stands up - and meets an elbow in the face from Unforgiven! Uh-oh, that's bringing Drunken Master over to the Saints corner, and the mick doesn't look happy with the original goth at all! Drunken Master drags Unforgiven off of the apron, and the two are fighting at ringside! But that leaves no one for LBSJ to tag out to!"

EMAII: "HA! I hope Scourge and Maxx play tug of war with his spine!"

LH: "LBSJ in a bad position here, with a ring full of people who could hardly be described as his biggest fans. He sidesteps a boot by Scourge, but gets hit by a spear from Maxx!! LBSJ is down, and now he eats a leg drop from Rasco Raines, who goes into a choke! The ref pulls Rasco off of LBSJ, but Cross whips him right into Scourge's awaiting hands, and he eats a spinebuster!! LBSJ quadruple teamed, and Drunken Master is still fighting Unforgiven on the outside! Maxx has LBSJ up - MAX OUT! Little Blue Super Jew is down and out! Maxx goes into a cover!"


ONE!!























TWO!!
























THREE!!!


PD: "Ladies and Gentlemen, Racially Motivated Violence has been eliminated!"

EMAII: "HA HA HA HA HA!! TAKE THAT, JUDAISM!"

LH: "We have our first elimination of the night!! Little Blue Super Jew has been pinned, and now Drunken Master, Lucky, and LBSJ are out of the match! LBSJ rolling out of the ring, probably unconscious, and look at Drunken Master! He's been holding Unforgiven in the Bender all this time, and he's in total disbelief! The officials are moving in to eject him, and in the ring Maxx gets a swinging neckbreaker from Cross, and Scourge has tagged Jenna Jett back in!"

EMAII: "I admit I am disappointed this means that only four people shall be beating each other to death at once now."

LH: "Jenna Jett fully recovered it appears, with a big clothesline on Rasco Raines! Drunken Master furious about being ejected here, and he's not going quietly. Maxx manages to make a tag to Terry Storm, who comes in but is greeted by a right hand from Cross! It's Jenna Jett and Rasco Raines! Terry Storm and Cross! It's - A FLYING MIDGET?!"

EMAII: "OH NO!!"

LH: "DRUNKEN MASTER HAS HURLED LUCKY INTO THE RING! THE MIGHTY MIDGET BAZOOKA JUST BRAINED TERRY STORM!! MIGHTY MIDGET BAZOOKA! MIGHTY MIDGET BAZOOKA!!! GARONETTE! GARONETTE FROM CROSS!! AND THERE'S ANOTHER COVER!! I DON'T BELIEVE IT!!"

ONE!!
















TWO!!


















THREE!!


PD: "Ladies and Gentlemen, Mass Destruction has been eliminated!!"
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LH: "And just like that, we are down to three teams!! Drunken Master just single-handledly cost Mass Destruction this match!"

EMAII: "That was far from single-handed."

LH: "Jenna Jett with a vertical suplex on Rasco Raines, but he's caught coming down by Cross! And Cross gives him an atomic drop! Jenna follows up with a leg lariat, and Rasco is really taking a beating now!"

EMAII: "Single-midgeted if anything."

LH: "Little Blue Super Jew, Lucky, Drunken Master, Terry Storm, Maxx, and Chris Rogers have all been sent to the back, but we'll see more of them before the day is over. Nine combatants still out here! We have the Upstarts, Jenna Jett, Scourge, and Tommy McKnight, the Menace 2 Sobriety, Rasco Raines, Rein Engel, and Swift Nick, and the Saints of Damnation, Cross, Unforgiven, and Drayven! Cross avoids a right hand by Jenna Jett, and there's a tiger suplex!! An amazing move - wait, Rasco jumps in with a bridge on Cross!! Shoulders are down!! Oh my God, again!!"

ONE!



















TWO!!!























THRRRREEE- NO!! Cross bridges up!! What a show of strength by Cross!!"

EMAII: "The secret is a pinch of evil in all his sandwiches."

LH: "You can't eat evil on a sandwich!"

EMAII: "HA! You've clearly never had worstershire sauce."

LH: "Cross still in the match, and Unforgiven has returned to ringside after Drunken Master had him in that crossface chickenwing of his, the Bender, for quite some time, so he's got to be hurting. Jenna Jett with a cross-arm breaker to Rasco Raines, and Rasco needs to make a tag if he wants to stay in this. Cross stepping into a stepover toe hold on Rasco Raines, but Jenna Jett is coming off the ropes with a clothesline - Cross catches her!! REVERSE SUPLEX ON JENNA WITHOUT BREAKING THE TOEHOLD ON RASCO! Incredible manuever by Cross!"

EMAII: "Rasco Raines is feeling what it means to be in unrelenting torment, he's going to have to surrendur his dignity!"

LH: "If you mean tap out, he just may. Jenna Jett rolling to the side, and she tags Scourge back into the match! Cross immediately letting Rasco go as Scourge charges into the ring, and no one wants anything to do with him! Scourge goes for Rasco Raines, who makes a diving tag to Rein Engel! Rein looks a little concerned about stepping into the ring with Scourge in there!"

EMAII: "The most powerful evil force in the NEFW is standing before him, you too would quake with fear!"

LH: "Cross unafraid here, with a running shoulder block to the monster, and it appears he's staggered him! Now Rein enters the ring, flying springboard clothesline into Scourge, toppling him a little more! The big man still not going down - wait, Cross has grabbed hold of Rein, and he's using his little brother like a human battering ram!! Cross flings Rein Engel into Scourge - Rein caught by Scourge, and now a running chopblock by Cross!! Scourge's leg is taken out from under him, and he's struggling to maintain balance as Rein . . MANYERD EFFECT! MANYERD EFFECT TO SCOURGE!! CROSS AND REIN ENGEL HAVE TAKEN DOWN SCOURGE!!"

EMAII: "Buh . . .wha . . .impossible!!"

LH: "Scourge is down!! Cross and Rein Engel sharing what appears to be a cooperative attitude, and they're trying to roll the body over to get the cover! There they are, Scourge is on his back, and both brothers have a cover on him!!


ONE!!























TWO!!!!

































THRE --- SCOURGE POWERS OUT WITH TREMENDOUS FORCE!! REIN ENGEL AND CROSS BOTH GO FLYING!!"

EMAII: "HA!! I knew the powers of darkness would not let me down! BEHOLD MY MIGHTY HAND!"

LH: "What are you, Onslaught, Marvel villain circa 1996?"

EMAII: "I admit to nothing!"

LH: "Scourge showing no restraint as he now corners Cross, and tosses him like a rag doll into the middle of the ring! Scourge stalking his prey, but Rein Engel is coming back, and fires into Scourge with some hard rights and lefts! Scourge barely feeling the blows, and now he hits Rein Engel with a vicious brainbuster!! Rein Engel is out, but Cross is back up, and he tags in Unforgiven! Unforgiven sliding in under the bottom rope, and heading straight for Scourge as Cross takes a breather! Unforgiven ducks under a clothesline, going for a reverse neckbreaker - but he can't get Scourge down!"

EMAII: "No one can subdue the powers of evil, Lester, especially those who are slightly less evil!"

LH: "What if Drayven was doing it?"

EMAII: "Drayven might have a chance, okay."

LH: "Well that is still a possibility, as on the outside you can see Drayven, Tommy McKnight, and Swift Nick are still waiting at ringside, cheering on their teammates! One more elimination and two of those men will join this match! Unforgiven trying anything he can to get Scourge down again, but this monstrosity will not yield! Rein Engel back on his feet, and he tags in Rasco Raines! Rasco and Unforgiven now face the peril of Scourge, but Rasco goes for Unforgiven instead! I think Rasco knows who the easier mark is in this match!"

EMAII: "Hm, maybe he still has some brain cells left to create the occasional spark."

LH: "Rasco with a takedown on Unforgiven, and he's going for the Rasco Express!! But Scourge stops him with a hand around his throat - this could be THE SCOURGE - no!! Rasco hits a low blow on Scourge!! Low blow, but the ref was checking on Unforgiven!! And now Rasco -- GETS KICKED IN THE FACE BY JENNA JETT!! Jenna just ran into the ring and Rasco caught a mouthful of her boot!"

EMAII: "Something other men would yearn for."

LH: "Gross. And now the ref is forcing Jenna out of the ring, but the damage has been done! Unforgiven makes a quick tag back to Cross, who comes in off the top rope - SHINING WIZARD KICK . . . SCOURGE MOVES - CROSS CATCHES RASCO AS HE STANDS UP!!! CROSS JUST CAVED RASCO RAINES'S SKULL IN! Scourge tosses Cross out over the top rope, and now he's got a cover on Rasco!!


ONE!!

















TWO!!!































THREE!!


PD: "Ladies and Gentlemen, Menace 2 Sobriety has been eliminated!! Tommy McKnight and Drayven may now enter the match!"

LH: "AND JUST LIKE THAT IT'S OVER!! Rein Engel and Swift Nick are being kicked out of ringside as Rasco Raines slumps out of the ring!! The Suicide Blonde and Drayven are going to opposite corners, and this is now a six man tag! It's the Upstarts and the Saints of Damnation! A team that didn't have all of it's members at the start of the match, and another we didn't even know would be competing!"

EMAII: "And at least four of the people standing in the ring are consumed by black waves of evil! Tommy McKnight's not exactly on the up-and-up either, really. How I love the success of evil!"

LH: "What if Jenna Jett gets a pinfall on Drayven?"

EMAII: "Then I will have to kill you."

LH: "Duly noted. The action settling down now, Cross and Scourge are the legal men in the ring, and Cross immediately making a tag out to the fresh man, Drayven! This crowd on it's feet to see Drayven back in action, and the Dark One enters the ring without even the scent of fear on him! Scourge not quite sure what to make of this. He's coming in for the attack, but Drayven nimbly steps away from him. Scourge shoots his arm back for a reverse clothesline, but Drayven again dodging, ducking under. Scourge is really firing up now, unloading on Drayven, who continues to sidestep his every assault with ease!"

EMAII: " Drayven is forcing Scourge to expend all the glorious evil might within him, so that he might be easier to bring down for the kill!"

LH: "It would appear that's Drayven's strategy, who looks positively stone cold as he continues avoiding Scourge's advances! Scourge has spent the majority of his team's time in the ring in this match, and he's still got to be hurting from the Kiddie Pool of Death match back in hour two! Will he be able to keep going at this pace? You can sense the frustration coming off of him as Drayven repeatedly demonstrates his ring knowledge by keeping his distance from Scourge! I think Drayven might have Scourge's number!"

EMAII: "It's 666-HELL."

LH: "Is that home, or cell?"

EMAII: "Just call the match."

LH: "Scourge pausing, I think the monster is wise to Drayven's strategy, but he can't figure out a way around it. What's Scourge going to do here? He's mulling it over . . . and he makes a tag to Jenna Jett!"

EMAII: "CURSES!"

LH: "Jenna Jett has had plenty of time rest from her rough going of things at the beginning of the match, and now it looks like Drayven is the one who doesn't know how to proceed! These two have never met in the ring before, and Jenna is a very different opponent from her fellow 2-time tag team championship partner, Scourge! Jenna and Drayven facing off, and Jenna goes for a tie-up. Drayven with the collar and elbow, and he quickly turns it into an Irish whip. Jenna into the corner, and Drayven with a back elbow to the sternum. Jenna fights her way out with some right hands, and now she sets up Drayven and hits a gutbuster! Drayven comes up on his feet, and gives a clothesline to a charging Jenna! Jett quick to get up, Drayven blocks a kick, spinning her around, and there's a back suplex! Jenna coming down on the back of her head, and Drayven quickly taking command of this match up!"

EMAII: "Should Drayven and Scourge find themselves in the ring together, I surmise the malevolent energy may well crush the first three rows!"

LH: "Jenna pulling herself up on the ropes, blocking the punch by Drayven and firing back with one of her own. Jenna trying to manuever back to her corner, maybe tag in the Suicide Blonde. Jenna with a knee to Drayven's gut! She's hooking him up . . . and delivers a textbook Fisherman's Suplex! Jenna opting not to go for the cover, and tries to go for her corner. But Drayven with a leg capture trips her up! Drayven showing remarkable recovery speed, and he's got Jenna set up for - oh my! A wheelbarrow suplex!!"

EMAII: "The suplexes are flying in this match like the souls of the damned down the flaming rivers of Hades!"

LH: "That was one amazing show of power by Drayven, who takes hold of Jenna's hair as he tags in Unforgiven. Unforgiven going to work on Jenna with right hands as Drayven holds her down, but the ref is giving Drayven a 5-count to exit the ring. There he goes, and now it's Unforgiven and Jenna Jett. Unforgiven whipping Jenna across the ring, and oh, she runs right into his raised knee. Jenna taking some punishment out there, as Unforgiven now applies an armbar, really wrenching back on that shoulder and elbow. Unforgiven releasing the hold, and now giving Jenna a body slam, and it looks like he's going up top!"

EMAII: "I recognize this move. Once on the top rope, he can call upon the full energy of his assembled minions of darkness, and then unleash it in a devastating beam of evil which obliterates Jenna Jett. That or a moonsault."

LH: "Unforgiven with a moonsault!"

EMAII: "Rats."

LH: "And Jenna gets her knees up!! Unforgiven just had his stomach ruptured by Jenna Jett! Jenna now making a dive for her corner, and she tags in the Suicide Blonde! Tommy McKnight comes into the match, and makes a beeline for Unforgiven! Hard rights and lefts by McKnight! A whip into the corner . . . and a big back body drop! Now a spinning leg drop, into a cover!


ONE!



























TWO - No! Kickout at two! Unforgiven being dragged to his feet, but he fights off Tommy and delivers a hard knife edge chop to McKnight. Tommy fires back with a chop of his own, and a short-arm clothesline to take Unforgiven down again! Now Tommy is going up top! Here he comes - SUICIDE BOMB!"

EMAII: "Still amusing."

LH: "HE NAILS IT!! There's a cover!!


ONE!!

























TWO!!






























THR - CROSS DRAGS TOMMY OUT OF THE RING!"

EMAII: "HA! As I had hoped, this evil reckoning shall continue!"

LH: "Cross and Tommy McKnight, both former World Champions, now duking it out on the outside! Everyone in this match a former champion of some kind I should mention, be it Tag Team, World, North American, or even Pete's Wicked Ale. Cross throws Tommy into the ringpost! Tommy looks hurt, but ducks a follow-up charge, and Cross rams his own shoulder into the steel! Tommy whips Cross into the crowd barrier, and now slides back into the ring, but Unforgiven is waiting for him with a knee drop to the back of his head! Unforgiven now in control, hitting some stiff body shots to Tommy, and now a single-arm takedown! Into a Wagikitame Armbar! Unforgiven applying the heat to Tommy McKnight, who is in a tap out situation! He's got to try and break this hold somehow!"

EMAII: "Tommy might be a jerk, but he is no match for the powers the Saints of Damnation wield. This submission hold will be the end of him, and he shall spend the rest of the evening writhing in pain! Unforgiven seeks not the tap out of his body, but his very soul!"

LH: "I'm almost positive that is not true. Tommy showing some true grit here, not giving any sign of tapping out, but you can see the pain his shoulder and elbow are in as Unforgiven wrenches back on him. Tommy is too far away from the ropes, and he might just end up enduring this until he blacks out, in which case the Saints would win the match! Tommy struggling here, you can see him gritting his teeth - and Jenna Jett yanks Unforgiven off of Tommy!! Jenna Jett has entered the ring . . . and so has Scourge!!! Jenna whips Unforgiven into Scourge who tosses him into the air . . . dropkick by Jenna!! The Upstarts showing some tag team work, but the referee is - DRAYVEN NAILS A FLYING CLOTHESLINE TO SCOURGE!! Drayven just came in like a heat-seeking missile and collided with Scourge, and he tumbled into the ropes - Cross is up on the apron!! AND HE DROPS SCOURGE OVER THE TOP ROPE!"

EMAII: "Order is breaking down! The laws of man are revoked!"

LH: "All six people getting involved in this now, and the referees are trying to restore order! Scourge down in the ring, and Tommy springboards off of him! Corkscrew body splash to Drayven!! Jenna whips Drayven across the ring now - into a double back elbow from her and Tommy! The Upstarts have got the Saints down, no wait, here comes Cross!! Cross with a double axe handle to the back of Tommy's head, and now he blocks the punch from Jenna, and fires back with a stiff knee to her midsection! He's setting her up . . . MY GOD! PILEDRIVER! PILEDRIVER TO JENNA JETT! But now Scourge is back on his feet!! It's Scourge and Cross, but Tommy and Unforgiven are still the legal men here! Unforgiven back on his feet, and here's a double team on Scourge! Double boots to the gut, I think they're going to try and suplex him . . . NO! Scourge powers out with a double back body drop!! The monster takes out both of the Saints . . . but Drayven with a hangman's neckbreaker from behind!! AND TOMMY WITH A SUPERKICK TO DRAYVEN! Tommy is up!! Everyone else is down! He's grabbing Unforgiven - ASS-WHIPPER!! TOMMY HITS THE ASS-WHIPPER! He goes into a cover!!!




. . . . . . . . .


But the referee is trying to get everyone out of the ring, and isn't there to count!!"

EMAII: "All of that distopia brought only further confusion! Praise Evil, tonight is really going my way!"

LH: "Tommy spinning the ref around to argue with him, but Unforgiven is already crawling back to his corner. Cross has retaken his position, and he's clamoring for a tag as Unforgiven makes his way slowly over to him! Scourge and Jenna both out of the ring, and Tommy sees Unforgiven trying to make his tag! Tommy goes to stop him - Drayven grabs his leg!! But Tommy grabs Unforgiven's leg!! Cross is just out of reach, and the referee is trying to pry Drayven off of Tommy! Drayven not the legal man here! Tommy still holding back Unforgiven, who's struggling with all he can to make that tag out to Cross!"

EMAII: "Who will win this violent tug-of-war?!"

LH: "Drayven yanks back on Tommy with all of his might! Unforgiven breaks free- and MAKES THE TAG! Cross comes into the ring just as the official finally gets Drayven off of McKnight!! Cross immediately nailing a running clothesline to Tommy, and now he whips him into the corner! Tommy staggering coming out of the ringpost . . . into a DDT by Cross!!"

EMAII: "DDT stands for "Drop Dead Twice," I believe."

LH: "Cross stands Tommy up and delivers a knife-edge chop to his chest. And another, and a third! Tommy stifled by this onslaught, and the Suicide Blonde might have to make a tag here shortly. Cross really punishing McKnight, and now he hits a sidewalk slam! There's a cover!! Kickout quickly by McKnight, who's really pushing himself to the limit here to try and stay in this match. I suspect he doesn't want two loses in a single evening. Cross still in control, delivering some clubbing blows to Tommy's back. Cross whips Tommy into the corner again, and comes in with a shoulderblock charge! Tommy spins out of the way, and Cross hits the ringpost again!! Cross in pain here, and McKnight runs for his corner! There's a tag to Jenna Jett!!"

EMAII: "No!! He should have gone for Scourge!"

LH: "I don't know Evil, Scourge is really looking beat. The exertion of this match up coupled with the blood loss from earlier, he's visibly feeling the effects now, and I think Tommy noticed that, too."

EMAII: "What did I tell you about abbreviating my name, Holland?"

LH: "Something dispicable, I'm sure. Jenna Jett into the ring, and Cross comes at her quickly! But Jenna catches his charge - INTO A SPINEBUSTER! Jenna once again showing her remarkable power by planting Cross with that spinebuster! Cross back on his feet, but Jenna putting him in position for a huracanrana!! She - no!! Cross reverses it into a powerbomb! Jenna down on the mat now, and Cross tags in Drayven!! Drayven and Jenna Jett now legal, and Drayven immediately bringing Jenna into the corner and driving at her with hard rights and lefts! The referee breaks it up, but the Dark One pulls Jenna out of the corner and tosses her down on the mat. Jenna struggling to rise, and Drayven applies a rear chin lock to keep her down. She's still fighting to get up, struggling as Drayven torques the neck! Jenna managing to get back to a vertical base, but Drayven refusing to let go. Jett delivering elbows to Drayven's gut, forcing him to break the hold, and now she quickly moves behind - AFTERBURNER! Jenna plants Drayven with the Afterburner, and is now taking a moment to recuperate!"

EMAII: "An actual Catholic Saint is no match for a Saint of Damnation! Once Drayven recovers, he shall wrap this match up, and evil shall take home yet another victory for the evening!"

LH: "Jenna catching her breath, now back on Drayven following that desperation Afterburner. Jenna sends him into the ropes, but Drayven hangs on, not letting himself get rebounded. Wait, Jenna with a handspring into a handstand - HURACANRANA TO DRAYVEN! He never saw it coming, what speed by Jenna Jett! And she hooks the leg - it's a cover!!


ONE!!



































TWO!!







































THRE-NO! Drayven gets a shoulder up, and now Cross and Unforgiven are coming back into the ring!! They rush past the official, but Tommy is already diving off the top rope to stop them! Tommy landing on his feet as Cross and Unforgiven move to avoid him - GARONETTE ON TOMMY BY CROSS!! BUT SCOURGE IS IN THE RING!! HE'S GOT BOTH OF THE SAINTS BY THE THROAT!! DOUBLE SCOURGE! DOUBLE MANDIBLE CLAW CHOKESLAM!! Cross and Unforgiven are down!!"

EMAII: "This could be it!!"

LH: "Drayven back on his feet, being held by Jenna as Scourge makes his approach!!! Drayven - DRAYVEN BREAKS FREE AND WHIPS JENNA INTO SCOURGE!! And a running sidekick catapults them backwards!! Scourge tumbles over the top rope!! DRAYVEN HAS JENNA - JENNA REVERSES!! OVERDRIV - NO!! DRAYVEN SLIPS OUT!!! Kick to Jett's gut - FALL FROM GRACE!! FALL FROM GRACE!! DRAYVEN HAS THE COVER!!







ONE!!

























TWO!!!



































THREE!!!


*DingDingDing!*

PD: "The winners of the match, Cross, Unforgiven, and Drayven, the SAINTS OF DAMNATION!"

LH: "THE SAINTS HAVE WON IT! THE SAINTS OF DAMNATION WIN THE MATCH ON THE STRENGTH OF DRAYVEN'S FALL FROM GRACE!"

EMAII: "And the strength of undiluted darkness, festering in the souls of all mankind!"

LH: "Drayven getting his hand raised, and get a good look everyone, because we might be looking at the face of our next World Champion!! What a tremendous effort by all involved!! Drayven gathering up the Saints and making his way to the back, triumphant! Is this a sign of things to come for Drayven?! We'll have to find out!"

EMAII: "Drayven and Ronin are in opposite tournament brackets, the main event tonight could well be a meeting of two opposing, yet equally potent forces of evil! I cannot wait! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"
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[ *  *  *  * ]
(On Evil Masked Announcer II's laughter, we find ourselves out in the crowd, where the camera pans over NEFW stars of the past in attendance as special guests in the front row rather than participants in the evening. Many stars chose to appreciate the show as spectators instead of competitors, included amongst them are the tag team Sex & Candy, Shock Jock, Mumonkan, Prince Ali, Senton, N.I.N.E., Ripper and Dizzy with a pitbull named BUCKNASTY!, and Danial Blaze, along with others. They all give signs of acknowledgement to the camera as it passes over them, and then the crowd behind them begins parting, and looks of amazement are clear on the faces of the fans as two more join the seated group - Liam Zane and Matthew Freek, Shock Factor, take a pair of seats up front.)

(The duo sit down in the seats behind the announce table, Freek holding up two beers which both seem to be his as Zane flashes their tickets. The crowd around the duo cheer and clap for them as they settle in, the camera's attention coming back to Lester Holland and Evil Masked Announcer II.)

LH: "It's quite an assemblage forming behind us. I wonder if that lesbian tag team is going to show up?"

EMAII: "What are you talking about? Sex & Candy are right there!"

LH: "Humorous. Well it would appear that Shock Factor are going to be witnessing tonight's events from the front row, but how long do you think it will be before that gets challenged? Mass Destruction have made it clear tonight that they have their sights set on a match with this fearsome tag team!"

EMAII: "And what a match that would be! Gallons of blood, oozing miles of entrails, buckets of brains, enough to fill a room!"

LH: "If you really want it to be that gory, I think you'll be disappointed."

EMAII: "What? Oh, I guess you were boring me, I started thinking about my shopping list."

LH: " . . . I see."

PD: "Attention NEFW Faithful! The latest time tally has just been handed in. As both the last match and the Ronin vs. Old Brown Heineken match exceeded the thirty-minute time limit, we are now looking at a time bank of exactly thirty minutes! As such, the following contest will have a time limit of one hour!"

LH: "Pete Dux with some interesting numbers, it would appear we're closing the gap on our schedule. But with surprises still planned for the evening and matches bound to run long, is that a good thing or not?"

EMAII: "Time seeks to crush us all beneath her devilishly spiked heel, Holland, it is never a good thing."

LH: "Regardless, we're about to have a timeless argument settled right here and now! It's time for our Seperation of Church and State match!"

EMAII: "YES! Finally, two systems I can really get behind! Mass confusion, disinformation, the controlling of people's souls! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!! Laugh with me, mortal!"

LH: ". . . . . . "

EMAII: "I hate you so much, Holland."

PD: "Introducing first . . . "

(From the top of the entrance ramp, a spray of fireworks suddenly shoot out, illuminating the arena. Simultaneously, a video of a waving American flag comes into view on the NEFieTron, with a bald eagle flying in front of it over verdant valleys of amber grain, with the flag as the sky. "America, the Beautiful," performed by the orchestra on hand for the night's events, only this time having changed their outfits to an all red, white, and blue theme, plays in it's entirety as the fireworks continue sparkling out over the Garden, to the delight of the near-20,000 in attendance. As the song ends, the eagle still flying proudly on the screen, the last notes fade out as a drumroll starts, and suddenly three words impose themselves over the video.)

(VOTE)

(FOR)

(SENATOR)

Too alarming now to talk about
Take your pictures down and shake it out
Truth or consequence, say it aloud
Use that evidence, race it around

PD: "Weighing in at 235 pounds, from WASHINGTON, D.C., REPRESENTING the STATE! THE SENATOR!!!

There goes my hero
Watch him as he goes
There goes my hero
Hes ordinary

(Wearing an expensive and well-made suit, the Senator emerges onto the stage to the tune of the Foo Fighter's "My Hero," the thousands in attendance already eagerly anticipating his bid in the 2008 Presidential election. He waves generously to the crowd, and has a man he hired backstage shake hands so that he doesn't have to touch anybody. He enters the ring with a wave and a smile, giving a wink to some lucky ladies in the front row. Once in the ring, his music dies down, and he gives a very exaggerated salute to the American flag hanging down from the upper section seating.)

PD: "And, his opponent, representing THE CHURCH . . . "

EMAII: "GRRR!"

(The entrance ramp becomes crowded with beautiful women dressed as angels. They line the runway and break out into song and begin to sing the theme to "Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter" "Everybody Gets Laid Tonight" by the Hammerheads. They sound choir-like as the angels sing the chorus in unison.)

It's all good, it's all right, everybody gets laiiiiiiiiid tonight
He came from Heaven
Two stakes in His hands
To smote the Vampires

PD: "FROM the LITTLE TOWN OF BETHLEHEM, weighing in at FIVE HUNDRED POUNDS . . . . FIGHTING MAAAAAAAD JEEEEEEEESSUUUUSSSSS!!!"

And Free the Land
Now come and join him
All Ye strong and bold
And we'll fight toge-th-er
Like the days of oooolld.

(At the announce table, we will see a glass of water next to Lester Holland start to shake and the water inside shaking around as we see on a mighty chariot, surrounded by the Apostles dressed like the Secret Service, Fighting Mad Jesus.

He drinks from his Holy goblet and spits Holy water or wine across the crowd as he takes out a guitar and plays the guitar solo of the theme song.

On the giant video monitor above the entrance way we see random shots of Jesus baptizing people and then looking at the camera, smiling and giving a big Steve-o styled "Yeah dude I rock" thumbs up. We then see FMJ at a grave yard killing lesbian vampires with El Santos and giving the thumbs up. We then see Jesus running through a gay pride parade and tackling an entire section of lesbians and ripping them limb from limb and we see him get up from his 'fighting mad rage' with lesbo vampire blood all over his face and dripping from his mouth and he gives yet again another 'Yeah dude I rock' thumbs up. Only this time we see Rosie O'Donnell in his other hand struggling to breathe ((I dunno if she was a vampire but we can't take any chances.)) And as he goes to smile, Ellen DeGeneres's head falls out of his mouth. We then see tons of beautiful women running over to him after the carnage has ceased and they start all doing the monkey.)

LH: "LISTEN TO THE OVATION FOR OUR LORD AND SAVIOR, JESUS CHRIST!"

EMAII: "DAMN YOU TO HELL, JESUS! HOW DARE YOU SHOW YOUR FACE BEFORE ME!!"

LH: "Fighting Mad Jesus making his return to the NEFW tonight to stand up for the Church which bears his name, and the Senator will be representing the rights and powers of the government. These two men have a lot to fight over!"

EMAII: "Fortunately for all who despise Jesus, The Senator is the most dirty and underhanded player in the game, a game which includes politics! That's far dirtier a profession than wrestling!"

LH: "The Senator does indeed have the market cornered on dirty tricks, but Jesus has God on his side."

EMAII: "As weak and foolish a God as I've ever seen."

LH: "The apostles are taking position at ringside, it would seem they're here to prevent any wrongdoing should the opportunity arise. Our referee for this match is a declared agnostic, to prevent any bias. There's the bell, and it's time to find out which is stronger, God or Government!"

EMAII: "I say God is Dead!"

LH: "Like John Proctor from the Arthur Miller play "The Crucible?"

EMAII: "Stop knowing these things!"

LH: "Jesus and the Senator squaring off now, Senator extending his hand in a handshake. Jesus unsure if he should take it or not, but the Senator insistent. I think he's saying he wants to keep this match clean. Jesus hesitant here, but now he's putting his hand out as well, and there's a handshake. No tricks from the Senator, that's surprising. Senator and Jesus backing off from each other now, and now here comes the Senator with a knife-edge chop! Jesus looks like he barely felt that, and the Son of Man pushes the Senator aside. Jesus coming after the Senator, and he delivers a fierce headbutt. Senator dazed, and now a scoop slam from Jesus, assuming control early in this match."

EMAII: "That's all Jesus does, control! Give humanity a chance, Jesus! Let man be ruled by their own right! Stop defending them from harm like mewling infants!"

LH: "You just want him to leave so you'll have an easier path to destroying humanity."

EMAII: "And they'd be able to last a little longer if Jesus had let them learn basic survival skills!"

LH: "Senator back on his feet, trying to apply a wristlock on the enormous Fighting Mad Jesus, but Jesus too strong, he fights out of it. Senator backing off now, perplexed by the power of Jesus. FMJ comes after him again, but the Senator ducks behind, and there's a standing dropkick by the Senator! He manages to shake up Jesus with that move, and now Senator going to the ropes, coming off with a flying double-axe handle to the back of Jesus's head! Jesus bent over forwards, and he stumbles into the opposite ropes! Here comes the Senator again, but Jesus spins around with a tremor-inducing lariat right to the Senator's patriotic chest! It looked like the Senator was in control there for a moment, but Jesus took it right back to him. Jesus goes into a cover - but only gets a one count."

EMAII: "I am baffled by the Senator's inability to Jesus. The only explanation is that your state is currently too controlled by the Church, it must be weakening his Senatorial powers!"

LH: "That's just insane. Jesus still in control of this match, sending Senator into the ropes and catching him with a big knee coming off of them. You've got to wonder how much of a chance the Senator stands here, I doubt he could execute a Filibuster on Jesus, so he needs some alternate game plan. So far Jesus firmly in control here in the early goings, and the fans are loving it."

EMAII: "The Senator's plan is to fight dirty, Holland. Just give it time. Give it time."

LH: "Well he doesn't look to be in any shape to administer he signature style now, as Jesus executes a pump-handle slam! Pump-handle slam to the Senator, and Jesus now giving a big thumbs-up to the crowd. Listen to how much these people love Jesus."

LITTLE BLUE SUPER JEW: "Boo!"

LH: "Where'd he come from? In any case, Jesus whips the Senator into the ropes again, but the Senator puts the brakes on as FMJ goes down for a back body drop! And the Senator kicks Jesus right in his divine face! Jesus off-balance, and the Senator leaping up and applying a front facelock! Front facelock applied to Jesus - and the Senator turns it into a faceplant DDT! For the first time, the Senator has gotten Jesus down! And now he's applying a camel clutch!"

EMAII: "That's right, Senator, choke the life from his holy lungs! Even three days without Jesus would be worth having!"

LH: "Senator with a camel clutch to Jesus, who looks like he's in as much pain as if he had a crown of thorns on. Senator really pulling back on this camel clutch to the much larger Jesus, and it would appear the Senator is planning to make Jesus tap out! Solid game plan, no one ever accused the Senator of being dumb."

EMAII: "And no one ever convicted him of sexual harrasment or money laundering."

LH: "Yeah, but they did accuse him of it."

EMAII: "A jury of twelve found him innocent, Holland! Let it go!"

LH: "Wait a second, Jesus appears to be trying to plant his feet underneath himself, and the Senator desperately trying to hold Christ down! He's fighting him like saying God in the pledge of allegiance, but Jesus looks like he might be . . . yes!! Jesus stands up with the Senator still clinging to his back! And now he's charging backwards towards the turnbuckle to crush - WAIT! The Senator dropped down and slid through the ropes at the last instant!! Jesus just smacked himself into the turnbuckle, and now the Senator is scrambling into the ring to capitalize! Senator off the top rope, and lands in a bulldog!! A flying bulldog from the Senator has Jesus planted facefirst in the ring! The Senator rolls him over, and there's a cover!


ONE!

















TWO!!



























- No!! Strong kickout at two by Jesus, who has recovered his senses in a hurry. And if I didn't know better, I'd say the only dirty tricks the Senator is using is simply being smarter than Jesus!"

EMAII: "It's about time somebody was."

LH: "Senator laying in some big rights to Jesus as the Lord and Savior tries to stand, and Jesus with a big shove sends the Senator away as he tries to regain a vertical base. Senator back on him like maggots on a corpse, I think he's trying to put on a sleeper hold . . and he gets it! Jesus flailing as the Senator clings to his back, will the Senator succeed in putting Jesus out!? How incredible would that be?"

EMAII: "The Government has been attempting to black out religion since the days of Charlemagne, pitiful Holland, do not seem so surprised!"

LH: "Jesus fighting to stand upright as the Senator applies this sleeper hold, the apostles have gathered up around ringside, and they're beating on the mat for encouragement!"

EMAII: "Burn in hell, apostles! Especially you, Ringo!"

LH: "That's the Beatles."

EMAII: "I stand by my declaration!"

LH: "Jesus seems to be fading . . . fading . . .faaaaaaaaaaaaaddiiiiiiiiiiinnnng . . . . wait, wait a second, Jesus is fighting out of it, I think he's trying to . . Jesus with a violent thrust flips the Senator over himself, and catches him in midflight!! THE LAST SUPPER!! HE HITS THE LAST SUPPER!! A CYCLONE PILEDRIVER TO THE SENATOR!! JESUS INTO A COVER!!




ONE!!























TWO!!!




























THR- WAIT!!! The Senator's foot is on the rope . . . but that's strange, it looked like he was too far away from the ropes. In fact, it looks like someone pulled the rope to his foot and hung it underneath!"

EMAII: "Nonsense! Silence your prattling conjectures, Holland, before the Gods of Evil open the earth and swallow your meaningless bones!"

LH: "Well, I didn't see anything, but that was a very suspicious angle. The Senator, regardless, looks like he's unconscious after the Last Supper, and blacking out is going to hurt his chances of victory here. Jesus swings him around, and there's the atomic throw! "Air Apostle," he calls that move, and the Senator comes crashing down to the canvas, it would seem Jesus is looking to end this match quickly. I think the Senator surprised him with his actual wrestling knowledge, but Jesus is as unstoppable a monster as they come. He's propped the Senator up in the corner, and here comes Punches Pilate! The Senator staggers a few steps out of the corner, and collapses! Jesus has just taken it to the Senator here."

EMAII: "How can the Senator properly concentrate with all this confounded religion around him? It fuddles the wits, Holland! The Senator needs the solemn atmosphere of
the Senate Assembly Floor to think, all this Christianity is debilitating!"

LH: "Jesus going for another cover on the Senator, I would think this is it. Here's the count!


ONE!!



























TWO!!
































THR- WHAT!?"

EMAII: "An apostle has entered the ring! What new madness be this!?"

LH: "One of the apostles just entered the ring and pulled the referee out of position! The other apostles are flabbergasted, and they're - hey, wait a minute, that apostle is taking off his sunglasses . . . it's JUDAS! OH MY GOD! IT'S JUDAS!! HE'S BACK!!"

EMAII: "MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!! ONCE AGAIN, YOU HAVE BEEN BETRAYED!"

LH: "Judas hauling ass out of the ring, and all the apostles are on his tail! Did the Senator bribe Judas to interfere in the match?! Jesus is calling after him, and he looks furious at the appearance of Judas, now being chased to the back by the rest of the apostles! Jesus's back up seems to be leaving the scene, and the Senator is making his way to his feet. The Senator still looking woozy, but Jesus is completely distracted by his followers chasing after a fleeing Judas! How is this going to affect the match?"

EMAII: "Like this, Holland, that was the signal!"

LH: "What do you - EMAII, what are you doing!?"

EMAII: "Catch, Senator!!"

LH: "My announce partner has just - OH MY GOD!! EVIL MASKED ANNOUNCER II HAS JUST HURLED THE LANCE OF LONGINUS TO THE SENATOR! JESUS AND THE REFEREE ARE BOTH DISTRACTED BY THE ACTION ON THE OUTSIDE!"

EMAII: "NOW! DO IT NOW, SENATOR!!"

LH: "THE SENATOR HAS CAUGHT THE SPEAR OF DESTINY! JESUS IS TURNING AROUND AS THE CROWD TRIES TO WARN HIM, AND -

*Spulch!*

EMAII: "YES!! FINALLY!! YESSSSSSS!!!"

LH: "THE SENATOR HAS STABBED JESUS IN THE SIDE WITH THE LANCE OF LONGINUS!! I DON'T BELIEVE IT!! HE'S PULLING THE SPEAR OUT AND TOSSING IT OUT OF THE RING, AND JESUS IS BLEEDING WINE ALL OVER THE RING!! AND THE REF DIDN'T SEE A DAMN THING!"

EMAII: "I told you it was only a matter of time, Holland! With my help, the Senator shall finally bring Jesus down!"

LH: "This is heinous! What a treacherous, dispicable act by the Senator, stabbing Fighting Mad Jesus! His Jesus powers are literally leaking out of his body, and now the Senator is having a field day with rights and lefts! And the apostles are nowhere in sight to defend Jesus! Jesus collapses from the pain, and now the Senator applies an anklelock!! He's got the enormous leg of Jesus and is twisting and snapping as holy blood and water pools underneath Jesus! How twisted and evil is the Senator!?"

EMAII: "The Senator does what it takes to win, Holland, he is representing the state! This is war against religion, and the Senator simply used the right tools for the job!"

LH: "HE STABBED HIM WITH A SPEAR!"

EMAII: "And I helped!"

LH: "Jesus is writhing in agony here, and there doesn't seem to be any way to stop it! The ref didn't see the stabbing, and he can't stop the match for blood loss until Jesus passes out! Who made up that rule, anyway?"

EMAII: "I did! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

LH: "Senator releasing the ankle lock, and now he's simply stomping away at Jesus's side! Jesus is in a horrific state here, I don't believe what we're witnessing! The Senator is going to steal this one from Jesus, whom I would be much more concerned about if he didn't come back three days after every death! He'll probably miss the rest of the evening's matches though, and dammit, that's a shame!"

EMAII: "I hear that if you cut off his head and stuff the neck with garlic, he can't come back to life."

LH: "That's vampires! Whom Jesus strongly opposes!"

EMAII: "Right! Dammit, I always get the two confused."

LH: "Senator going for a cover!

ONE!!




















TWO!!






































THREE - WAIT! Jesus raised his shoulder! Jesus refusing to give up even as his life bleeds out of him! The Senator looks absolutely shocked that Jesus is trying to continue, and he continues putting the boots to Jesus, tearing open that spear wound. And to think this match started with a friendly handshake!"

EMAII: "The Senator scratched his deriere heavily before offering it to Jesus."

LH: "Dammit! You're a sick man, Senator!"

EMAII: "And yet he's served three consecutive terms! BU WHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

LH: "Fighting Mad Jesus perhaps going on nothing but guts now, guts which have been punctured by a bladed instrument. The Senator is going back to that anklelock, it would appear he's intent on forcing Jesus to tap out! Jesus with nowhere to go, I doubt he has the strength to fight out of this one! To think that the Senator would win in such a way, it roils my guts!"

EMAII: "I happen to be a big fan of roiled guts, especially with a nice vinegarette."

LH: "Now Jesus clutching his head, I think he's trying to force himself not to tap out, but the Senator will not let go of that ankle! He'll break Jesus's foot off before settling for anything less than a tap out at this point! Jesus digging down deep to keep himself from surrenduring, and the ring is absolutely drenched in his heavenly blood! Jesus looks like he's on the verge of blacking out . . . BUT WAIT! JESUS WITH ALL HIS STRENGTH THROWS HIS LEGS OUT, AND HURLS THE SENATOR OFF OF HIM! The Senator is shocked by the show of strength, and Jesus manages to crawl to the ropes! He's clinging on for dear life, and the Senator is beyond belief that Jesus still has that much power left in him!"

EMAII: "That wasn't intentional! A dying convulsion if anything! Wrestlers can keep fighting for up to twenty minutes after they die!"

LH: "The Senator is livid, and he's charging Jesus against the ropes! He's forcing Jesus to his feet, and whips him into the - NO!! The referee was in the way, and he just got plowed over by an enormous bleeding Jesus! The ref is down and out, and Jesus as well! It looks like the Senator is calling to the back, is he getting Judas back down to the ring!? Here comes - WAIT! That's not Judas! That's UNCLE SAM!!"

EMAII: "EXCELLENT! With the very embodiment of his country, the Senator shall do away with Jesus once and for all!"

LH: "But Uncle Sam is part of the Legendary Society of Men! Has he turned on Jesus?! He's climbing into the ring, and shaking hands with the Senator! Uncle Sam bringing Jesus to his feet, and it looks like he's helping the Senator while the ref is unconscious! Why, Uncle Sam!? WHY!?"

EMAII: "Because there is no place in government for religion, and Uncle Sam will now exorcise his country's greatest demon!"

LH: "YOU'RE this country's greatest demon!"

EMAII: "Don't confuse country with planet, mortal speck!"

LH: "Jesus looking betrayed as he realizes Uncle Sam is in the ring to help the Senator, and Uncle Sam whips Jesus into the turnbuckle! Now he's setting him up on the top rope, and the Senator is telling Uncle Sam to let him finish Jesus off! Uncle Sam steps aside, and now - UNCLE SAM LOWBLOWS THE SENATOR!!"

EMAII: "WHAT!? NO!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

LH: "Uncle Sam has just laid out the Senator with a low blow!! Jesus practically dead on the top rope, but . . UNCLE SAM MAKES JESUS LAY HANDS UPON HIMSELF!! His wounds are healed!! Jesus's wounds are healed!!! UNBELIEVABLE!! Now Jesus is back to his old self!! Uncle Sam is laying out the Senator over his knee, Jesus is up top!!"

EMAII: "DON'T DO THIS TO ME!!"

LH: "SEPERATION OF CHURCH AND STATE!! A MOONSAULT FROM JESUS ON THE SENATOR PRONE ACROSS UNCLE SAM'S LEG!! WHAT A FITTING MOVE FOR THIS MATCH!! UNCLE SAM AMSCRAYING FROM THE RING AS JESUS GOES INTO A COVER, AND THE REF IS CRAWLING TOWARDS THE COUNT!!!



ONE!!
















TWO!!!!!

































THREEEEEEEEE!!!


*DingDingDing!*

PD: "And the winner of this match, as the result of a pinfall . . . . FIGHTING MAD JESUS!!!!"

LH: "These fans are going nuts!! I don't believe it!! I don't believe it! Uncle Sam is in the ring, and he's raising Jesus's hand! Church and State worked together to win the match!! Good has triumphed over corruption!"

EMAII: "The Senator will be back, curse your souls!! The Senator will be back!!"

LH: "Jesus now, scooping up pools of his own blood in the Holy Grail and throwing it to the crowd! It's going to take us awhile to scrub down this ring and cleanse all the Jesus-powered blood out of it!"

EMAII: "One day, Jesus, that same blood will decorate the filthy ground of whatever unmarked grave I leave you lying in! ONE DAY, JESUS!!"

LH: "I'd call Jesus the winner of this match, but it looks like the debate between Church and State will rage on, as Jesus and Uncle Sam make their way to the back! What a match!"

EMAII: "ONE DAAAAAAAY!!"
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[ *  *  *  * ]
(The camera goes to the back where we find the impressario of the nights' events, David Fineberg, mulling over some documents in his office. Manslayer is at his side, Typhoon is in a corner polishing the belts with a frustrated look on his face.)

FINEBERG: "Manslayer, what's the weight limit on the Cruiserweight Title?"

MANSLAYER: "225 lbs, that it is. You lowered it from the previous 235 limit the last time you were in power, that you did."

FINEBERG: "Right . . . well. As much as I firmly stand behind my decision and believe I did the right thing for the division, in the interest of fair representation, I'm going to reverse my ruling and return the weight limit to 235 lbs."

MANSLAYER: "The surprise eighth entrant you threatened the two mouthy ones with was too heavy, was he not?"

FINEBERG: "That's enough out of you, slanty."

(Suddenly, the office door flies open, and in walks Johnathan Spectre. Fineberg looks up from his work, puzzled, as the big Loser comes up to the desk, almost tripping over his interview mic.)

SPECTRE: "Boss! Boss, there's something happening out in the parking lot!"

FINEBERG: "What, what something happening? What do you mean?"

SPECTRE: "Limos . . .cars . . . there's . . . a bunch of people just got here!"

FINEBERG: "Oh. Oh! They must be . . . "

(Trailing off in mid-sentence, Fineberg stands, grabbing his suit jacket and quickly putting it on as he rushes out of his office.)

FINEBERG: "Manslayer, hold down the fort! Something big is about to happen, fellas, something huge!"

(Fineberg slams the door as Spectre stands dumbstruck for a moment, then realizes that interviews might be in order and rushes out after the boss. When the door shuts again, Typhoon lets out a bitter sigh and tosses the belt he had been polishing down on the ground.)

MANSLAYER: "Ahem!"

TYPHOON: "What?"

MANSLAYER: "This one did not say stop."

TYPHOON: " . . . oh, God dam-"

(The scene cuts out as we find ourselves looking at a blank NEFieTron, which remains at black for a moment before slowly coming to life as the Tribute to the NEFW's Cruiserweights begins.)

(There is a steady, rising drum beat, as the first image we see is none other than the legendary Jesse Waltman, gesturing rudely to the fans, then turning to sneer at his opponent in the ring . . .)

Oh We're Not Gonna Take It
no, We Ain't Gonna Take It
oh We're Not Gonna Take It Anymore

(The sounds of Twisted Sister's "We're Not Gonna Take It" accent the video's action as there flies by a rapid-fire shot of images and faces from the history of the NEFW's Cruiserweights. Chris DeVille, Comic Relief, Inferno, Swift Nick, Tommy McKnight, Johnny Demonic, Raptor, Gowin, The Magician, Jesse Waltman, Little Blue Super Jew, Rein Engel, Jonnie Rose, Mace Richter, and finally a quick full-frame shot of the NEFW Cruiserweight Title.)

we've Got The Right To Choose And
there Ain't No Way We'll Lose It
this Is Our Life, This Is Our Song

(The image changes to shots of Waltman in the ring, performing a 450 splash from the top onto a prone opponent, springboarding off the ropes into a moonsault, and executing the Colt .45 with painful precision.)

we'll Fight The Powers That Be Just
don't Pick Our Destiny 'cause
you Don't Know Us, You Don't Belong

(Now we find ourselves looking at Johnny Demonic, pummeling opponents like Stevie Redman, Inferno, and Waltman himself. Demonic dominates in the ring, and a collage airs of signs in the audience displaying Johnny's ever-changing catchphrase.)

oh We're Not Gonna Take It
no, We Ain't Gonna Take It
oh We're Not Gonna Take It Anymore

(Now it's the face of the Magician we see, in the ring with the NEFW's Queen, Victoria. The Magician appears in the ring in a puff of smoke, then soars off the top rope for a high cross body block onto Gowin. The Magician holds his hand up in victory, a broad smile on his face.)

oh You're So Condescending
your Gall Is Never Ending
we Don't Want Nothin', Not A Thing From You
your Life Is Trite And Jaded
boring And Confiscated
if That's Your Best, Your Best Won't Do

(Swift Nick appears on screen, first as Nick, then Skye Sparks, then again as Emerald Dragon. Each time an opponent feels the wrath of one of his innovative finishers. After an image of Nick delivering the Calico Corkscrew to Rasco Raines, we find him down on one knee in the ring, the Cruiserweight Title in his hands.)

oh.....................
oh.....................
we're Right/yeah
we're Free/yeah
we'll Fight/yeah
you'll See/yeah

(Gowin appears on the top of the ramp flanked by Sugar and Spice. Butcher Ben stands atop the turnbuckle, signaling to the fans for the Strongbow. The Sky Chief takes flight, but the image changes to Raptor, delivering a bone-snapping Six-Inch Claw to an opponent. Inferno lands the Flamethrower on The Salaminizer, leaving the heavyweight lying.)

oh We're Not Gonna Take It
no, We Ain't Gonna Take It
oh We're Not Gonna Take It Anymore

(Jesse Waltman yells at an unseen opponent. Little Blue Super Jew rides a motorcycle into the arena. X-Treme shoots down from the ring to the floor on a corkscrew plancha. Jonnie Rose sits in his dressing room, donning a pair of sunglasses and clearly mouthing the words "Ooh, baby!")

oh We're Not Gonna Take It
no, We Ain't Gonna Take It
oh We're Not Gonna Take It Anymore
no Way!

(Mace Richter battles it out with Johnny Demonic as Stryker for the Cruiserweight Title. Rein Engel and Rasco Raines plummet from the scaffold in another match. Tommy McKnight delivers the Ass-Whipper to Deckard, laying out the big man and then standing side-by-side with fellow Cruiserweight Jenna Jett.)

oh.....................
oh.....................
we're Right/yeah
we're Free/yeah
we'll Fight/yeah
you'll See/yeah

(Johnny Demonic takes down Tank with ease. Christian Cable appears and lays out Q with a Cablegram. Tommy McKnight becomes the first person to win both the Cruiserweight and World Titles. Mace Richter slams down Liam Zane with a 9.0. Typhoon stands atop his cliff, the shadowy figure of Omen looming behind him.)

we're Not Gonna Take It
no, We Ain't Gonna Take It
we're Not Gonna Take It Anymore

(Jenna Jett rocks Joseph Masterson Vondikail's jaw with a superkick. Little Blue Super Jew and Rein Engel battle each other to the death in the Medieval Times match. Peter Crystal easily dispatches of Eclipse in a dominating showing. "The Bounty Hunter" Chris DeVille puts down Comic Relief with a shot from his nightstick, then holds it up like a trophy.)

we're Not Gonna Take It, No!
no, We Ain't Gonna Take It
we're Not Gonna Take It Anymore

(Jonnie Rose and the Fab Four stand in the center of the ring, delivering a promo. Little Blue Super Jew battles against Corona in the Hebrew Death Match. Butcher Ben stands up to Scourge without a hint of fear in his eyes. Jesse Waltman removes his mask to let the world see his face. Rasco Raines drives the Rasco Express into the Goth.)

just You Try And Make Us
we're Not Gonna Take It
come On
no, We Ain't Gonna Take It
you're All Worthless And Weak
we're Not Gonna Take It Anymore
now Drop And Give Me Twenty
we're Not Gonna Take It
oh Crinch Pin
no, We Ain't Gonna Take It
oh You And Your Uniform
we're Not Gonna Take It Anymore

(There is a mosaic of images at the end, connecting to form an intricate pattern as they appear, at first in the full screen, and then rapidly shrink and become parts of a greater whole. Rasco and Rein standing together as the Lone Rangers, and then with Swift Nick as the Menaces 2 Sobriety. Little Blue Super Jew makes his appearance at Wrestlefest 2002 as the guest referee for Tommy McKnight vs. Blade. Peter Crystal, Caleb Tryst, No Limit Soldier, and Chris DeVille fight it out at 12 Beatings 1999. Johnny Demonic pins Jesse Waltman in the middle of the ring. Swift Nick changes from Skye Sparks to the Emerald Dragon and back again. Peter Crystal returns to challenge for the Cruiserweight Title. The Magician defeats Jesse Waltman to capture the belt. Waltman and Jonnie Rose beat down the Magician and kidnap his manager the following evening. Video frame after video frame fills the screen until the convalesce to form on enormous image of the NEFW Cruiserweight Title.)

(The last sounds of the song fade away, but then are quickly replaced by "The Trooper" by Iron Maiden, and when that song ends, "Painkiller" by Judas Priest takes the place of that one. Shots of all the greatest NEFW Cruiserweights and the matches which made them famous and thrilled the audiences for a decade light up the screen for another twelve minutes before finally completely fading to darkness, leaving only the fanatically cheering and nostalgic crowd cheering the heroes who made them tune in week after week for years at a time . . . )
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(We return from the tribute to the announcers desk, Lester Holland sipping from his water bottle as the 7-foot-6 frame of Evil Masked Announcer II looks on, disgust evident event through his face-concealing Mexican wrestling mask.)

EMAII: "Your human needs to ingest liquid are disgusting."

LH: "I've been calling the action for over 5 hours now while you spit out occasional one-liners or laugh maniacally. That tribute was the first break I've gotten, I'm not sure how I'll make it another 19 hours."

EMAII: "Feh! Then we shall have to find a replacement more suitable to providing a voice to this event. Some sort of evil play-by-play machine."

LH: "So I have to wonder, who do you think David Fineberg was meeting out in the parking lot? I'm fairly certain everyone scheduled has already arrived."

EMAII: "Perhaps one of the so-called "Surprises" he promised us. Although his mortal promises are as meaningless to me as his surprise shall surely be!"

LH: "I guess we'll have to wait to find out, because up now we've got to get back to the show, it's our 4-Corners Cruiserweight Match!"

EMAII: "I shall not applaud for wrestling toothpicks!"

PD: "Alright folks, we hope you enjoyed the tribute, because now it's time for some of the NEFW's signature Cruiserweight action!"

(This elicits a huge response from the crowd, eager to see some live wrestling after having their appetites piqued by the tribute.)

PD: "The following is a Four-Corner Cruiserweight Match! Introducing first . . .

Degenerated,
Degenerated,
Our Minds are vegetated.

PD: "THE PRODIGY . . . REEEEEEIN ENGELLLLLL!"

Degenerated,
Degenerated,
Our Actions are imitated.

(Degenerated hits causing a near riot as grown men, women and children rush to the barricade, trampling over the handicap section in the process. When the song picks up, yellow and light blue lights explode on the entrance stage, along with four poorly rigged pyrotechnics. Two actually explode, one kind of fizzles and the other just sits there. Rein rushes out, overlooking the packed house and trying to spot any women flashing him. Even at the reunion show there aren't any.

Rein parades down to the ring, faking handslaps and flipping off guys bigger than him along the way. Once inside, a quick corner pose delights the crowd and Rein falling off the second rope amuses them.)

PD: "Introducing next, the second competitor in this match . . .

We're getting close, toe to toe
Here we go,
Not broken,

PD: "Returning once again to the ring . . . SWIFT NICK!!

Here we go, never gonna see me broken
Here we go, they're never gonna see me broken
Here we go, gonna keep my eyes open

(The rhythmic drum beat of the music starts off, followed by a blast of white pyro from the stage as the song kicks in. Swifty trots out onto the stage carrying his signature skateboard, headbanging and rocking out to his song, playing to the fans. He drops his deck and skates down to the ring, kicking his board off to the side as he slides into the ring. In the ring, he poses with his arms spread out in the middle of the ring as all four corners shoot up a spray of white pyro. Rein backs out of his corner, startled, and then sourly glances at Nick from across the ring.)

PD: "And, returning to the ring against the wishes of our medical staff . . .

Put your drinks down!
Put your chains up!
Time to put it down!

PD: "Weighing in at 227 pounds . . . "THE BLUE TORNADO" . . . BUTCHER BEN!!"

Throw the fangs up!
Man up, muthafucka, it's about to go down
Sit your ass down, bitch, you got knocked the fuck down

(The arena lights fade to black then momentarily illuminate in time to the loud sounds of a human heartbeat. The sounds of the heartbeat grow ever faster and louder then blue flames explode down the entrance ramp with a bang and KTFO blasts over the speakers as "The Blue Tornado" Butcher Ben emerges, bandaged and slightly limping from his match with Scourge three hours prior. An extreme look of determination on his face, he enters the ring and extends a wave to the fans, then returns his focus to Nick and Rein, trying to loosen up the tension and ache in his muscles as he does so.)

PD: "And finally, from HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA . . .

Lookin' for some hot stuff baby this evenin'
I need some hot stuff baby tonight
I want some hot stuff baby this evenin'
gotta have some hot stuff

PD: "Accompanied to the ring by Starlet Stacy, THE HOLLYWOOD HEARTTHROB, JONNIE ROSE!!"

gotta have some lovin' tonight
I need hot stuff
I want some hot stuff
I need hot stuff

(The lights go out. As "Hot Stuff" by Donna Summer begins to play a spotlight shines on Rose in the entrance way. He slaps hands with many fans and strikes several poses on his way to the ring. He always stops and kisses a female fan. Starlet Stacy follows him at a short distance)

LH: "All of our competitors are in the ring, and my oh my, it has been far too long since we have been treated to a view of Starlet Stacy."

EMAII: "Indeed, I welcome the thoughts of coupling with her which arise from looking at her surgically enhanced body."

LH: "Uh, right. In any event, the bell has sounded, and it looks like we are underway for what should be a thrilling bout of Cruiserweight action. Jonnie Rose the fresh man in this match, not having seen action yet tonight. Rein Engel of course involved in the 5-team elimination match a short while ago, and Swift Nick saw some action in that event as well as kicking off the evening with a victory over Tommy McKnight. Butcher Ben, of course, shouldn't even be out here after the beating he suffered during the course of the Kiddie Pool of Death Match. He may have taken the giant down, but he's not looking like a winner right now."

EMAII: "That match was a war of attrition, and now The Sky Chief pays the price for victory!"

LH: "It looks like we're ready to start, as Rein kicks things off, going right for Butcher Ben. Ben avoids a charge from Rein, cautiously eyeing his opposition, you've got to believe he'll be singled out here by the competition. Swift Nick moving quickly here, gets a headlock to start the match against Jonnie Rose. Rose shoves Nick off, and he's tripped by Engel and sent into the corner, but stops himself shy of hitting the turnbuckle. Ben charging him from behind, but Nick leaps up using the ropes as support and flies behind the Butcher, landing on his feet! Ben spins around in a hurry, keeping his back to that corner."

EMAII: "Like a small morsel being played with by three hungry carnivores, the Blue Tornado is trapped, with nowhere to go!"

LH: "Rein Engel exchanging moves with Jonnie Rose, both of them looking for some kind of opening - and Nick provides it in the form of a standing dropkick to Rein Engel! So much for M2S unity in this match. Jonnie Rose takes advantage, the Heartthrob executing a spinning leg drop on the prone Prodigy. Rein grabbing hold of the ropes to pull himself up, and Nick with a running clothesline to Rose. But here comes Ben! Ben explodes from the corner and gives Nick an atomic drop, and now he's unloading a flurry of punches on Rein Engel! Ben's plan has got to be ending this match quick to avoid aggravating his injuries."

EMAII: "But that same quick offense will likely cause him even more undue stress! Say what you will about strategy, there aren't a lot of ways to come back from being driven head-first into a pool of broken glass."

LH: "A true statement."

EMAII: "The truth is an anathema to me!"

LH: "Regardless, a strong point, and Ben with a whip to Rein Engel sends him across the ring. But Jonnie Rose catches him with a drop toe hold, and I think he's going for an Indian Death Lock! Nick going after Rein in the corner, but Ben grabs hold of him and pulls him down with him! He's trying to use Nick as leverage to escape Jonnie Rose!"

EMAII: "That's probably the most homosexual immage of the night thus far."

LH: "Nick fighting to escape Ben as he tries to get free of Jonnie Rose's death lock, but what's this!? Rein is up top on the other side of the ring - A FROG SPLASH!! Rein came down on Butcher Ben and Jonnie Rose with a frog splash from way downtown, and Nick is freed as his three competitors collapse in a heap! Rein quickly back on his feet, and what a great move by Rein, taking out two opponents at once! Wait, here comes Nick again, and he hits a running neckbreaker on Rein Engel. Nick looks like he's in control of things here as he sets up Jonnie Rose in the corner aaand . . Nick is taking Jonnie all the way up top! Jonnie trying to fight out, but Nick silences him with some stiff right hands, and now - HURACANRANA! A Rana off the top rope by Nick to Jonnie Rose!! What a manuever!"

EMAII: "Yes, these flying rag dolls are truly innovative when finding ways to hit one another."

LH: "Jonnie taken out, but keep in mind that unlike the tag match, it's not in anyone's best interest to let someone else get pinned! This is no elimination match, it's one fall to a finish. Now Nick is going after Butcher Ben, the weak leg in this table. Rein Engel back to his feet, and decides to start stomping a few mudholes into the prone Jonnie Rose. Rose is down, and Butcher Ben is up as Nick throws him into the ropes. Nick goes down for a body drop, Butcher Ben leapfrogs him! And now a front flip over Jonnie Rose in the middle of the ring, and lands on his feet - SUPERKICK TO REIN ENGEL! Rein down like he's been shot, and what athleticism by Butcher Ben! Now a flying forearm to Swift Nick, and Butcher Ben continues his spurts of violent offense! He could still pull this one out!"

EMAII: "I doubt he has the will necessary to overcome his injuries. Do not forget, pitiful Holland, Scourge returned from his match and was unable to overcome his own wounds!"

LH: "True, but Scourge also lost the match in the first place, and Ben has had a longer period of time to try and recover! This double and triple booking is going to take a toll on almost everyone competing here tonight, the few hours of downtime they get in between matches is the only chance they'll have to rest! Ben dragging Nick away from the ropes, I think he's going for the Strongbow - no, Jonnie Rose with a spinning heel kick brings the Butcher down! Rose and Rein both on their feet, and Nick scrambling to rise as well. Rein goes for a flying crossbody - Jonnie ducks and Rein flies into Nick, but Nick catches him, and delivers a release slam over the top rope!! Rein goes all the way to the floor, but here's Jonnie Rose, and the Hollywood Heartthrob delivers a vehement clothesline to Nick! Both men tumble over the top! Three men on the outside, and Rose is the first one up, delivering some big right hands to Swift Nick! Rein trying to get up, and he catches Rose with an uppercut! That gives Nick and opening, and he hits a boot to Rein's gut! These three men are giving one another a triangle beatdown on the outside, and . . . BUTCHER BEN OVER THE TOP!! Suicide Corkscrew Plancha!!! Plancha from Butcher Ben into all three men on the outside, and Ben came out of nowhere!! He got all of them, and who saw that coming?!"

EMAII: "Ben should not even be breathing! Someone cut his lungs out, set this problem aright!"

LH: "Ben scoops up Rein Engel and whips him back under the bottom rope, and now the Sky Chief looks to be headed up top! Rose and Nick struggling to rise, and Ben comes off the top rope with a 450 splash to Rein Engel!! What impact!! Ben's got a cover on Engel!!

ONE!
















TWO!!
























THRE - NO! Jonnie Rose pulled Ben out of the cover! Ben almost had this match won, but Jonnie Rose broke up the three count! Rose tosses Ben into the ring steps, and now he's going into the ring to capitalize on the damage done by the Blue Tornado! Rose takes hold of Rein Engel - WHO SPRINGS BACK UP!! SMALL PACKAGE!! REIN FROM NOWHERE WITH A SMALL PACKAGE ON THE HOLLYWOOD HEARTTHROB!!



ONE!!
























TWO!!






























THRE - WAIT! No, Jonnie Rose just barely managed to get a shoulder up! How close was that?!"

EMAII: "Too close! I am uncertain who in this match is worthy of my attention, but Jonnie Rose, being associated with Hollywood, is surely the most evil of all those involved. To see him be the one defeated would be unacceptable!"

LH: "Rose rolling away in a hurry as Rein scrambles to his feet, and now Nick is back in the ring as well. Butcher Ben looks hurt on the outside, that could be all for him. He might need some more medical attention. Nick, Rose, and Engel squaring off, Rein makes the first move, tying up Rose with a wristlock. Rose with a reversal, and Rein catches a knife-edge chop from Swift Nick for his trouble. Rose shoving Nick away, but Rein fights his way out, and delivers a boot to Rose's gut. Rein with a double-underhook DDT to Jonnie Rose! The Heartthrob taking some abuse here, but here comes Nick with a buzzsaw kick to Rein Engel, and Engel goes down again! That's the second time he's been kicked in the face tonight!"

EMAII: "It can only improve his situation. Years of alcoholism and close proximity with Rasco Raines have not improved his demeanor."

LH: "Jonnie Rose takes Nick by surprise, and hits a spinning power slam!! Nick down on the canvas, but wait, it looks like Butcher Ben is trying to pull himself back into the ring! I don't know how smart that is on Ben's part, he should be staying down! But Rose is going up top, I think he's lining Nick up for the Fireball Frog Splash! Wait, Rein Engel springs up again, showing incredible endurance, and he's up top with Rose! Rose trying to fight him off, but wait! Butcher Ben knocks Rose's legs out from under him!! Rose coming down on the turnbuckle in a very undesireable way!! Now Rein has him hooked - SUPERPLEX . . INTO SWIFT NICK!! Rein Engel with a superplex crashes Jonnie Rose's body into Swift Nick!! Rein Engel going into a cover on Nick!!

ONE!!


























TWO!























THRE - BUTCHER BEN WITH A DESPERATE DIVE BREAKS UP THE COUNT!!"

EMAII: "No!! I refuse to believe that he is still part of this match! It must be someone who skinned Ben after he was killed in the Kiddie Pool of Death, and is now wearing his face like a mask!"

LH: "Whether that's Ben or Leatherface, he's whipping Rein Engel into the ropes! And he hits a big back body drop on Engel, who gets some serious air before colliding with the mat! Ben turns around - SWIFT SCORCHER - NO!! Ben catches it and stops Nick - TURNING IT INTO THE STRONGBOW!! BUTCHER BEN HITS THE STRONGBOW!!! He's got the crab lock on Nick, and this could be it right here! Butcher Ben is going to miraculously pull it out ag - JONNIE ROSE!! Jonnie Rose from nowhere with a running DDT on Butcher Ben!!! There go Bens' chances of winning this match, but Swift Nick might be out of it as well! Rein Engel is back on his feet, and the Prodigy and the Heartthrob are standing eye-to-eye with Swift Nick and Butcher Ben down on the mat! This could be . . . wait!! ENGEL COVERS NICK! No - ROSE COVERS BEN! It's a double cover!! The ref slides inbetween them!!



ONE!!!





















TWO!!!















Butcher Ben kicks out, violently shoving Jonnie Rose off of him!


















THR - ROSE COLLIDES WITH REIN!!"

EMAII: "Astonishing! They will use any part of their bodies, even their bodies as a whole, in order to inflict damage on their opponent!"

LH: "Ben flung Rose bodily into Rein Engel and broke up his count on Swift Nick! The fury and passion of Butcher Ben cannot be denied, but he's once again backing up into the corner, he could be in trouble as he looks like a wounded animal. Swift Nick is struggling to rise, he's taken some heavy abuse recently, and Jonnie Rose is back on his feet as well. He looks a little dazed, I must say. Ben taking the time to rest, and Swift Nick turns his attention to Jonnie Rose."

EMAII: "No, attack Ben while he is weak! Winnow out those who are not worthy!"

LH: "Nick grabbing Rose's sparse hair, and running him down the ropes, face-first into the turnbuckle! Rose is stunned, and Nick takes advantage with a back suplex. Rose down to the mat, it looks like Nick is mounting a comeback here. Wait, Rein Engel approaching from behind, no! Nick avoids the impact and sends Rein Engel flying to the outside! The Prodigy is sent to the floor for the second time tonight! Nick turns his attention back to the Heartthrob, and pushes him back into the ropes. Irish whip across the ring, here comes Jonnie on the rebound . . . BUTCHER BEN BURSTS OUT OF THE CORNER WITH A SPEAR!! BEN MAY HAVE JUST RIPPED JONNIE ROSE IN HALF WITH THAT SPEAR!! Where did that come from!? Ben saw the opening and went for it, and he might have just removed Jonnie Rose from this match!! Ben standing up . . . OH MY! A CALICO CORKSCREW!!! SWIFT NICK HITS THE CORKSCREW ON BEN!! Swift Nick drags Ben on top of Jonnie Rose, and he's got a cover on both of them? What th . . !? A count!!



ONE!!

















TWO!!

























THR - REIN PULLS NICK OUT OF THE RING!"

EMAII: "Enough with these close counts already! Someone learn to put your opponents down decisively!"

LH: "Rein Engel pummeling Nick on the outside, Nick fights him off! Nick goes for - NO! MANYERD '02!!! MANYERD EFFECT '02 ON THE OUTSIDE!! Rein Engel just drove Nick into the concrete, and it looks like this could be the Prodigy's time to shine!! Swift Nick is down and out!! Rein Engel is getting in the ring, and he's got two completely unconscious opponents waiting for him to make a cover on them! Rein is climbing up to the top, and he's got Butcher Ben in his sights! Rein takes flight - FLYING ELBOW DROP!! SHADES OF THE MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE!! Rein Engel drives his elbow deep into the heart of Butcher Ben, and he's going into a cover!! BUT WAIT!! Jonnie Rose has got ahold of Rein's foot, and he's trying to drag Rein off of Ben! Rein is kicking at Rose, but the Hollywood Heartthrob won't release his grip! Rein Jonnie Rose has a firm grasp of Rein, and . . he's setting him up for a Figure Four!! Jonnie Rose is applying the Figure Four to Rein Engel!"

EMAII: "Tap out, Rein, the faster you submit, the faster you can return to mewling about past losses over a can of a foul liquid!"

LH: "Rein in real trouble here, not known to have a high tolerance for pain, and it looks like . . yes! Rein taps - NO! Butcher Ben catches Rein's hand!! Butcher Ben isn't letting Rein Engel tap out!!"

EMAII: "What does this matter so much that they are willing to torment themselves so?"

LH: "This match has huge ramifications for the Cruiserweight title match later in the night, EMAII. Three of the four men in this match are confirmed to be part of that contest, and there's a mystery slot which could very well be Jonnie Rose! This is giving the participants in that match a chance to get a mental edge on the competition as well as potentially weaken some of the opposition. It has huge ramifications!"

EMAII: "I wasn't complaining about the tormenting, just curious."

LH: "Ben delivering some sitting punches to Jonnie Rose's head, trying to force him to break this Figure Four, and you can see Rein wants desperately to tap out, but The Blue Tornado refuses to let him! Ben with a quick nip up, and now a dropkick to Jonnie Rose! That breaks it! Rein quickly rolls to the ropes, nursing his knees, and Butcher Ben is now laying a beating down on Jonnie Rose! The Hollywood Heartthrob could be in trouble, Ben showing more fire and spirit than he has any right to. Ben brings up Jonnie Rose, and he's putting on an abdominal stretch, but Rose is fighting out of it! Rose with a reversal, kicks Ben in the gut, Ben catches the foot . . ENZIGURI! Ben goes down!! And now Rose is applying the Figure Four to Butcher Ben - and here comes Rein Engel! Engel . . Engel putting a reverse armbar on Ben!!"

EMAII: "WA HA HA HA HA HA!! Another double submission move!! Break him in half, and spread his viscera in the ring to attract seagulls!"

LH: "Ben is in trouble!! He can't possibly have the strength to go on!! He's being stretched beyond the point of endurance! HE'S -

EMAII: "SWEET EVIL!"

LH: "SWIFT NICK COMES OFF THE TOP ROPE WITH A CORKSCREW MOONSAULT!! NICK LANDS ON BUTCHER BEN AND JONNIE ROSE!!! ROSE GOES ROLLING OUT OF THE RING!! GOOD LORD, WHERE DID SWIFT NICK COME FROM!?"

EMAII: "That move may have turned Butcher Ben's bones into powder! I did not think Nick had it in him!"

LH: "Rein Engel managed to get away at the last instant, he saw Nick coming in the air, and now he's coming after Nick as he stands! He surprises Nick with a Northern Lights Suplex - Nick lands on his feet!! Nick spins around, so does Rein, Nick avoids a clothesline attempt! Nick going for neckbreaker . . . no! Rein takes control of the spin - MANYERD EFFECT - NO!!! Nick gets his hands underneath Rein and turns it into a gutbuster!! Rein comes up in pain . . SWIFT SCORCHER!! SWIFT SCORCHER!! AND MY GOD, A COVER!! NICK HAS A COVER ON REIN! ROSE IS OUT OF THE RING! BUTCHER BEN IS OUT LIKE A LIGHT!!


ONE!!!

















TWO!!!

























THREE!!!


*DingDingDing!*

PD: "And the winner of this match, via pinfall, SWIFT NICK!!"

LH: "Swift Nick pulls it out!! Swift Nick with two straight victories!! Does this mean he'll be the next Cruiserweight Champion?!"

EMAII: "If he shows the same penchant for violence he did here I would not rule it out, but let us not forget that the TLC match will mark the return of the Diabolical One!"

LH: "Swift Nick with his hand raised and his music playing here in victory for now, but my broadcast partner is absolutely right - this victory certainly had it's upside, but will it matter when Johnny Demonic makes his return to the NEFW later tonight? The only way to find out is to keep watching!"

EMAII: "The real question is will Butcher Ben be permanently paralyzed by the end of the night? HA!"

LH: "The Butcher is looking in a bad way, but he will have some respite . . . the question is, will it be enough?"

EMAII: "For daring to defeat Scourge, I hope the ground swallows him whole! YOU SHALL KNOW THE WRATH OF EVIL, BUTCHER BEN!!"

LH: "We've got developments in the back! Let's go!"
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(The camera finds itself back out in the wrestler parking lot, the time now well past midnight. David Fineberg stands in the shot, looking at someone just off camera who seems to be heading towards the arena. He waves, a very pleased half-smile on his face, as the unseen person leaves.)

FINEBERG: "Don't worry, it's all set for the Cruiserweight Title match, you're in. Go make yourself comfortable in the back."

(Fineberg turns as the camera pans over, revealing another limo, a sleek, black stretch number, with the engine running. Fineberg approaches the door as the chauffer comes around to open it, and with a broad grin, Fineberg extends his hand to the person in the limo. A slim female hand takes his, and from the car, adult film star Tera Patrick emerges. The boss nods at her appreciatively, and then puts his hand in towards the car again.)

FINEBERG: "I can't tell you how glad I am you could make it."

???: "You couldn't have this show without me."

FINEBERG: "Too true. Let me be the first to say, welcome back . . . "

(From the limo, a short-haired, tattooed figure stands, giving a brief handshake to David Fineberg before wrapping an arm around Tera. He looks out towards the camera as the crowd from within the arena gives an audible shriek at what they see appearing on the NEFieTron.)

FINEBERG: " . . . Mr. Charm."

(Multi-time Champion Brandon Charm, founder of the International Alliance, one of the most dangerous men to ever step into an NEFW ring, appears on NEFW television for the first time in 8 years. He is older, a bit more weathered, but the same man who split the NEFW in it's early years still exudes all the same energy and charisma he used to. Charm inclines his head towards the camera, and then nods to Fineberg.)

BRANDON CHARM: "Good to be back. If you'll excuse us, Tera and I have got to hit the locker room. It's going to be a big night."

(Brandon Charm walks off camera, as quickly as he appeared, leaving a self-satisfied looking David Fineberg behind him.)

FINEBERG: "Yes it is, Mr. Charm. Yes it is."

(We leave the parking lot on the smiling face of David Fineberg as we return to the announce position at ringside.)

LH: "I don't believe it!! Brandon Charm is back!! Brandon Charm is in the arena, for the first time in 8 years!"

EMAII: "That man sowed the seeds of chaos and dissonance with greater ability than perhaps any who came after him! To see him back here tonight only bodes terrible things for the assembled masses! I could not BE more pleased!"

LH: "Brandon Charm has returned for the 10th Anniversary of the NEFW, and if he's here, anyone could show up tonight! Who knows who else Fineberg has gotten here - for that matter, who was that man he just promised a slot in the Cruiserweight title match to?"

EMAII: "Silence, Holland, save that speculation for later! Now is the time to gloat over the acquisition of Brandon Charm! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

LH: "As much as this does warrant further discussion, we've got a match to get to, and this is a big one indeed! It's time for the third of the seven matches which will happen over the course of the evening as part of the tournament for the NEFW World Title! Let's find out who will be in this one!"

PD: "Ladies and Gentlemen . . . "

(The crowd shifts it's attention back to the ring, excitement still high over the appearance of Brandon Charm.)

PD: "The following match is a part of the NEFW World Title Tournament!"

(Another cheer erupts. The fans are restless, some of them growing tired as they enter the sixth hour of wrestling, others just now hitting a strung-out phase and dying to see more.)

PD: "Introducing first . . . ."

The worms will live, in every host,
It's hard to pick which one they'll eat the most

The horrible people, the horrible people,
It's all atomic as the size of your steeple,
Capitalism, has made it this way,
Old-Fashion facism will take it away.

PD: "He weighs in at TWO HUNDRED and FIFTY pounds . . . he is MONDO SOMATIC!!"

Hey you, what do you see?
Something beautiful, or something free?
Hey you, are you trying to be mean?
You live with apes, man, it's hard to be clean.

There's no time to discriminate,
Hate every other hater that's in your way!

(The curtain flies back as one of the most dominating forces ever to strike the NEFW tears through the entrance ramp and begins a slow march down to the ring. Mondo stares straight ahead as fans reach for him, the wrestling icon not pandering to the fans tonight. When he reaches the ring, the strains of Marilyn Manson's "The Beautiful People" die down, and Mondo stands stock-still in his corner, fists clenched, awaiting the revelation of who he will be facing.)

PD: "And, his opponent . . . "

LH: "It's going to be Rude Dude, a preview of the triple threat match later tonight!"

EMAII: "Nonsense! It will be Drayven, the thrill of a contest between those two forces would be too much to resist!"

Surrounded by the colors, I see crimson, black and blue (come on)
Locking open doors again, I'm still afraid of you (straight up, mother fucker)
Light to dark, then light again, I always thought I knew (come on)
Young to old and young again, what's left for me to do? (straight up)

PD: "From London, England, weighing in at TWO HUNDRED and EIGHTY NINE POUNDS . . . He is THE NIGHT'S CRUSADER . . . . BLADE!"

Center of the universe, collecting me in time (come on)
I'm falling down upon the earth, and singing truth in rhyme (come on)
If I was a rolling stone, I'd roll until I'm through (come on)
And if I was a garden I would bloom in black for you (Dirt Dog in effect)

(The lights cut and "Nowhere to Run" beat out through the sound system. Across the screen, the words 'True Legends Never Die' flicker to life. A spotlight hits the top of the ramp where Blade stands; his head bowed and coat gathered about him. Slowly he raises his head, as the crowds cheers grow. He looks right and then left, before throwing his coat back in a blaze of white lights. The crucifix hangs across his chest as
he stalks down to the ring and slide under the bottom rope.)

LH: "Listen to the ovation for BLADE! I can't believe it!! Blade and Mondo Somatic, in the ring again!! These two have squared off against one another time and time again, they know each other's moves inside and out! This should be one hell of a match!!"

EMAII: "I shudder to think that I shall have to lend my voice to a match involving one who has so thorougly abused the forces of Darkness! Blade is one who had turned his back on the forces of evil, yet retained his unholy might! Truly, there is no being more reviled in the underworld than that thief of power, Blade! I sincerely hope that Mondo Somatic surgically removes his blackened soul from his pathetic body!"

LH: "Harsh words for Blade, and you can hear from this crowd reaction that he is indeed definitely the good guy in this contest. Blade and Mondo looking out at each other from opposite sides of the ring, and you can tell both men are anticipating to be put through the wringer. Blade limbering up, and there's the bell, this title tournament match is officially underway."

EMAII: "Waste no time trifling with him, Mondo Somatic! Destroy him as quickly as you can, and springboard from his defeat to the NEFW Title!"

LH: "He certainly will be trying to do that, and here comes Blade and Mondo, meeting in the middle of the ring, and this clash of titans has begun. Collar and elbow tie up. Mondo takes it into a hammerlock. Blade with a reversal, but Mondo escapes. These two know every move the other could come up with. They've met in tag matches, in singles matches, their last encounter was inside a Hell in the Cell five years ago. Mondo with the Irish Whip now, Blade reverses and sends Mondo into the ropes. Mondo avoids a clothesline attempt, now Somatic puts on the brakes and swings with a vicious haymaker. The unscrupulous surgeon connects! Blade stumbles into the ropes, and Mondo is immediately on top of him."

EMAII: "This is the kind of fire we need in our NEFW Champion! This murderous power, this frightening technical prowess, this indomitable will! Prove your worth to me, Mondo Somatic! Destroy Blade, right here and now!"

LH: "Blade being punished by Mondo Somatic here in the opening minutes of the match, taking a series of hard European uppercuts in the corner. The ref calling on Mondo to get Blade out of the corner, Mondo responds by whipping him into the opposite turnbuckle. Somatic right there again, not letting Blade catch his breath. He's working on those ribs now with some stiff body shots using his forearm. Blade blocks a hit, and fires back with a big forearm of his own! Mondo momentarily stunned, and Blade reverses position and sends Mondo into the turnbuckle! Now a hard Irish Whip sends Mondo across the ring, and Blade is right behind him - clotheslining him into another turnbuckle!! Blade's fire coming into play in a big way!"

EMAII: "Of course it is. That is why I detest Blade so much, Lester Holland! He embraces the powers of darkness, yet uses the might in pursuit of the greater good! It is sickening to see such might perverted so!"

LH: "You mean like Batman!"

EMAII: "NO NOT LIKE BATMAN!"

LH: "Blade getting a reverse chinlock on Mondo Somatic, probably looking to grind some of the power out of his opponent. Mondo fighting out of it with some elbows to Blade's midsection, and he manages to get free - and delivers a kick to Blade's knee as he makes his escape! Blade down to one leg, and Mondo with a spinning clothesline! Amazing! Without even looking, Mondo Somatic knew the position of his opponent. What incredible ring presence by the surgeon. He's been doing this for years, and every second of experience shows when he steps through those ropes."

EMAII: "He's also got years of experience in EVIL!"

LH: "That can't be denied, Mondo has proven time and again that he is one of the most smashmouth, brutal opponents to ever step between those ropes. Mondo dragging Blade to his feet, and measuring him up for some more stiff body shots. Mondo is a master of anatomy on the level of Doctor Melancholy, he knows exactly where and how to hit you to wear you down in a hurry, and if I know anything about the body, he's aiming his shots at Blade's ribs and kidneys. If he can choke the breath out of Blade, then this match will be over in short order."

EMAII: "And you know he can, Holland! SAY IT! SAY YOU KNOW HE CAN!"

LH: "I have no doubts about Mondo's abilities, EMAII! He's in control of Blade now, flipping him over with a snapmare takedown. And now a knee drop! Mondo taking it to Blade, not letting up for a second here. He's got a chokehold on, and the ref breaking that up in a hurry. Mondo not one to let the rules stand in his way, and he lays in a boot to Blade's gut for good measure."

EMAII: "You mean EVIL measure!"

LH: "Blade being given a respite as the ref drags Mondo off of him, and he's quick to rise. He's not quite feeling the effects of Mondo's assault yet, he's got more endurance than that for Mondo to get through. Mondo and Blade squaring off again, Mondo shoots for the leg, and Blade avoids, getting a front facelock on Mondo. Mondo trying to power out of it, but Blade . . . Blade heaves Mondo into the air! A front face slam! What strength by Blade, practically deadlifting Mondo and dropping him forward! Now an elbow drop to the prone Mondo, and it might be Blade's turn on the offensive!"

EMAII: "Blade IS offensive! To my evil sensibilities!"

LH: "Blade standing up Mondo, and the fans are cheering Blade on as he brings up Mondo, and there's a shoulderbreaker from Blade! It looks like Blade's strategy is to go for high impact, hard-hitting moves, and I can't fault him! There's no end to the punishment Mondo Somatic can make himself endure, a gradual approach won't lead to a pinfall, he's got to keep him stunned if he wants the surgeon to stay down for three. So we've got two very opposing strategies here, Mondo clearly attempting to wear Blade down, and Blade going to try and put Mondo down in one earth-shattering shot! There's a knee drop from Blade, and Mondo rolling to his feet in a defensive stance."

EMAII: "Fight back, Mondo! Use your surgical skills and tear him a new breathing tube, then leave your tongs inside when you sew him back up!"

LH: "Blade with a wristlock on Mondo now, but Mondo manages to reverse it. Holds not very effective on a ring veteran like Mondo, not even when applied by a master of Blade's caliber. Mondo and Blade face to face, and there's a tie-up, Blade using his power to bear down on Somatic, but Mondo executes a surprise hip toss! Blade goes down, and Mondo drives an elbow into his unprotected head! Blade coming up holding his skull, and Mondo again on him, with some more hard body shots! He is not letting Blade get the chance to breath if at all possible, and now he's sending him into the ropes! Blade comes off the ropes and Mondo catches him with a sleeper hold - Blade immediately drops down to his back! Blade has driven the air out of Mondo, but Mondo has not released that sleeper hold! He's tenacious as a pitbull, is Mondo Somatic!"

EMAII: "And like a pitbull, he is also capable of crushing soup cans in his teeth!"

LH: "He is not."

EMAII: "HE IS TOO! I SEEN HIM!"

LH: "Blade struggling to rise with Mondo on his back, refusing to let go of this sleeper hold. He's been focusing on Blade's ability to breath so far, and this is no exception. Mondo's no fool, you take away your opponent's breath, you take away everything! Blade reaching for the ropes, and he manages to get a hold on them, the ref is now forcing Mondo to break it off. Mondo lets Blade go . . . and immediately delivers a running heart punch!! Mondo with a crushing heart punch to Blade that flips him out over the top!! Blade goes down clutching his chest as he falls to the concrete! What a move by Mondo Somatic, who is thus far been almost completely in control of the match!"

EMAII: "Take that, Blade! You abuse the forces of darkness, they come back to get you!"

LH: "Blade on the outside, Mondo dropping down out of the ring after him. Mondo scoops up Blade and sends him reeling with a big forearm. Blade in real trouble here as Mondo continues to press his advantage. Mondo just pounding away at Blade in this match, and now he sends him into the ring steps - a reversal!! Blade reverses the whip - Mondo crashes into the ring steps!! What a collision! I think Mondo may have hurt himself, and he's coming up looking a little ragged, he . . . BLADE WITH A DIVING CLOTHESLINE FROM THE RING STEPS!! Blade ran and used the steps as a springboard!! He just smashed Mondo Somatic into the concrete floor! Blade with a big time move that could be the beginning of a comeback!"

EMAII: "It shall not! I decree that it shall not, and the word of evil is LAW! You can check that in at least four southern states!"

LH: "Blade hefting Mondo up over his head, and dumping him into the ring! Blade a little slow to get in himself, he might be starting to feel the effects of Mondo's beatings on his ribs, but now he's in as well. Mondo there to greet him with a elbow, but Blade returns the favor with a forearm shot to Mondo's chest! Mondo fires back, and Blade quick to retaliate!! These two now just wailing away on one another, shot after shot, and this has degenerated into a fistfight! Rights and lefts!! These two are tearing pieces out of each other, and I think Blade's fist has just opened up Mondo Somatic's forehead! Yes, Mondo bleeding now, but he refuses to back down from Blade's onslaught, and continues giving just as much as he's getting! Wait, Mondo is stunned, and Blade lands two shots in a row! And a third! Now he's got Mondo in the corner, and Blade is climbing the ropes, and aiming his fist directly at Mondo's busted forehead! Punches in the corner!!

ONE!


TWO!


THREE!


FOUR!


FIVE!


SIX!


SEVEN!


EIGHT!


NINE!


AND TEN!! Listen to this crowd count along!!"

EMAII: "Mondo, do not stand for this!"

LH: "And Mondo Somatic collapses to the mat!"

EMAII: "THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT AND YOU KNOW IT!"

LH: "Blade has got Mondo Somatic prone and helpless! He's calling for it, and the fans are roaring their approval! THERE IT IS! THE FADING SUN! FADING SUN APPLIED TO MONDO SOMATIC!"

EMAII: "IMPOSSIBLE!"

LH: "Blade has his submission finisher firmly cinched into a helpless Mondo Somatic, who is dripping blood and quickly donning the crimson mask! Mondo screaming in pain, and the ref is checking to see if he'll tap out to the Fading Sun! He's furtively trying to find some way to break the hold, but Blade's got him pinned down hard! Blood from Mondo's head is obstructing his vision, possibly getting in his mouth and choking him as well as Blade stretches out his neck and shoulders with the Fading Sun! This is a bad position for Mondo, and I don't think he's going to get out of this one!"

EMAII: "The power of Mondo Somatic is NEVER to be underestimated, puny Holland! Mondo Somatic is in a league of his own, and such is a lesson the Night's Crusader will learn before this match is over!"

LH: "This match might be over in a matter of seconds as Mondo continues writhing in the Fading Sun, but . . . I think he's trying to drag himself backwards! Yes, Mondo is scratching and clawing with nothing but his feet to try and reach the ropes! AMAZING! With nearly 300 pounds of Blade on his back, Mondo Somatic is fighting using only leg strength to break this hold! Blade tearing at muscle and tendon to try and stop Mondo, but he can't halt his progress without breaking the hold! The ref still looking for a submission, but by God, I don't think Mondo intends to oblige! Mondo scraping backwards centimeters at a time, and . . . he's at the ropes!! I can't believe it - MONDO GETS A FOOT UNDER THE ROPE! The referee sees it, and he's calling on Blade to release the hold! Blade lets it go, and I think the damage has been done, but what a showing of tenacity by Mondo Somatic!"

EMAII: "Mondo Somatic's will to win is no less than other great men of his ilk, such as Jospeh Stalin, or Atilla the Hun!"

LH: "Mondo clutching at his bleeding forehead, stumbling to a standing position as Blade comes at him to further his offensive. Blade spins Mondo around and . . MONDO BLINDS BLADE WITH HIS OWN BLOOD! I thought Mondo was trying to nurse that headwound, he was gathering his blood up in his hands, and just threw it into Blade's eyes!! Blade is momentarily blinded, Somatic taking advantage with a single-arm takedown! Mondo lays out Blade, and now backs into a corner to catch his breath! Mondo using his own injury to his advantage, and Blade is coming up on the mat coughing up flecks of Mondo's blood, and the Night's Crusader looks furious at what just happened!"

EMAII: "That's right, Blade, let the forces of darkness consume you! Do not try to resist their siren song, only through embracing the night's call can you hope to overcome one such as Mondo Somatic!"

LH: "Blade clearly infuriated at having Mondo's blood thrown in his face, and he comes after Mondo with a full head of steam! Mondo moves out of the way - Blade just ran shoulder-first into the turnbuckle! Blade may have hurt himself, and Mondo capitalizes with a neckbreaker! Blade's anger got the better of him, and he paid for it there as Mondo now holds him down and administers a dose of his own medicine! Mondo with a rear headlock on Blade, hammering down with stiff punches on Blade's forehead, looking to bust him open!"

EMAII: "Blade has not the ability to harness his anger to more destructive ends. Now he shall be destroyed for his folly!"

LH: " Mondo, who has almost completely dominated this match, has got Blade down and bleeding, and now he's cinching in that headlock. That's dangerously close to a chokehold, I'd say, and look at him twist Blade's neck as he obstructs his breathing! Mondo nothing short of sadistic here, and he finally lets Blade go with a disgusting twist. Blade's neck must be hurting him bad here, and he's struggling to rise as the ref admonishes Mondo for what really looked like a blatent choke. Blade might have been angry a minute or so ago, but that quick beating by Mondo sure cooled his head. Blade with a trickle of blood running down his face, and both men have been busted wide open. Blade pulling himself up, and now he's squaring off against Mondo again . . . Blade being very cautious about letting Mondo get in close."

EMAII: "Blade is now all too aware that he will not be able to overcome the force of Mondo Somatic! From here, his entire evening is downhill, Holland, mark my words. This event shall mark the erasure of the Night's Crusader and the foul stain of righteousness he creates on the world!"

LH: "Blade is indeed seeming to be moving a step slower, that perpetual beating he's taken at Mondo's skilled hands is catching up to him, and it looks like he's having some trouble breathing. Mondo wiping blood from his eyes, and Blade with a quick rush in, he's got Mondo hooked up, and gives him a quick snap suplex. Mondo back on his feet, and comes at Blade, who responds with a short-arm clothesline that puts Mondo on his back again, but again the Somatic One rises to his feet. Blade fires off a left hand, and Mondo ducks it. Now Mondo with another shot to the ribs, a knee this time, and now he's got Blade . . . fisherman's suplex! And a bridge to a pin!!


ONE!















TWO!!


























- No, Blade manages to get a shoulder up, just before three."

EMAII: "These exchanges grow continually in the favor of Mondo Somatic. Surely Blade must realize that by dragging out the conflict he only prolongs the inevitable?"

LH: "Blade back on his feet, and Mondo hits him with a jawbreaker. Blade is staggering, and Mondo- Mondo gets Blade by the throat!! SOMATIC SOLUTION - but Blade manages to elbow out of it! Blade escapes the Somatic Solution, and quickly backs into a corner to escape Mondo Somatic. Mondo right after him, hooks Blade up and goes for a hip toss. Blade reverses, but Mondo puts the breaks on. Mondo with the clothesline, Blade ducks it! SPINNING REVERSE DDT! Blade with a huge move to Mondo! That might be what he needs to turn this match around."

EMAII: "It will not be!"

LH: "Blade pops back up to his feet, and he's sizing Mondo up, he could be looking for Darkness Falls! Mondo coming back up, and Blade rushes in with a boot to his gut! There's the set-up . . . wait, Mondo is fighting back with more stiff punches to Blade's bleeding forehead! Blade losing his balance, and Mondo slips down the back! He spins Blade around, and now heaves him up! PILEDRIVER!! Mondo with a piledriver to Blade, leaves him gasping on the pine! Mondo's endurance is beyond human, he recovered from Blade's DDT in seconds!"

EMAII: "Mondo is feuled by dark desires the likes of which Blade could not possibly hope to comprehend! He also just looks like a winner! I mean, he's a SURGEON, Holland. Now THAT'S a job."

LH: "Blade continually failing to get a permanent edge against Mondo Somatic, who time and again has regained the upper hand in this match. I'm not sure what Blade can do here if he wants to win. Mondo seems to have this one all tied up."

EMAII: "Maybe your mother would love you if YOU were a surgeon."

LH: "That's none of your business. Mondo with a cover on Blade - ! No, Blade kicks out just after two. Mondo's pulling him up to his feet, I think he might be a little frustrated that Blade is still able to go on. Mondo delivering some knee shots to Blade's abdomen, and now an uppercut to finish the job. These two have had some classic battles in the past, and it looks like Mondo does not intend to walk out the loser of this one. Blood loss, chest pain, and just the sheer insurmountable endurance of his opponent has got to be wearing on Blade."

EMAII: "Before this night is over, Mondo will be wearing Blade - as a coat."

LH: "Mondo is tenacity embodied, and he's really got Blade on the ropes here. Blade fighting on with pure guts, and Mondo coming at him with relentless fire, and - WAIT! Blade gets in a shot on Mondo! And another! Blade firing off with a knife-edge chop that leaves Mondo clutching his chest! Blade with another chop, and he just tore Mondo's scrub shirt open with the force of it! Incredible!"

EMAII: "Incredible? Those things are made of some sort of tissue paper."
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LH: "Mondo gritting his teeth in anger at Blade's offense, and he goes for a clubbing forearm blow, but Blade blocks! There's a kick to the solar plexus, and Blade . . . Blade hits a powerbomb!! Mondo Somatic goes down to a powerbomb, and Blade stumbles into the corner and collapses! That might have taken everything he had out of him! Both men are down, and the referee is starting a ten count! My God, what happens if neither man can answer the count?"

EMAII: "I think it means Mondo Somatic automatically wins."

LH: "That's not what it means! The ref is at two!


Three!



Four!!



Blade is starting to rise . . .


Five!



Six!


Blade is crouching in the corner, and I think Mondo has started to stir!


Seven!


Eight!


Mondo is standing . . . Blade looks ready for him, he . . . BLADE BURSTS OUT OF THE CORNER LIKE HE WAS SHOT FROM A GUN! SPEAR!! SPEAR TO MONDO SOMATIC!! All two-hundred and eighty nine pounds of Blade just pasted Mondo to the pine!! And he's got a hook of the leg! A COVER!!!

ONE!!



















TWO!!!



































THREEEEEEWAIT!!!! MONDO GETS A SHOULDER UP! MONDO GET A SHOULDER UP!"

EMAII: "Do not tempt fate letting Blade feel better about himself by allowing him some offense, Mondo! It is not worth it!"

LH: "I don't think Mondo saw that one coming at all, as Blade just positively broke him in half! I think it was pure instinct that let him get that shoulder up! Blade pulling Mondo Somatic to his feet, and he looks positively drained from this match! Blade firing off some forearm shots to a stunned Mondo, and by God, if Blade is going to have any chance at putting down Mondo Somatic, it's got to be now, because if he lets Mondo get his footing back, I think it will be all over for the Night's Crusader!"

EMAII: "Dig deep, Mondo! You have the power to overcome this fool! You have the EEEEEEEEEEVILL!!"

LH: "Blade continuing to hammer away at Mondo, and he applies an arm-wringer, and he's trying to force Mondo down, but Mondo is having none of it. Mondo staying on his feet, and he's firing off some retaliatory shots to Blade's legs. Stiff kicks, and Blade lets go under the punishment. Mondo immediately goes for Blade - Blade catches Mondo!! I think Blade was luring him in - A SPINEBUSTER - no! Mondo rakes his eyes, and Blade drops him! MONDO HAS BLADE BY THE THROAT! He's going for the Somatic Solution!! Blade struggling to stay on his feet! If Mondo gets him up, this is all over!"

EMAII: "Do it, Mondo Somatic! All of evil is counting on this moment!! Get him up, Mondo! Get him up and plant him down!"

LH: "Blade has a grasp on Mondo's arm, and won't let him lift him, this is a struggle of strength, and you've got to believe Mondo has the upper hand after the beating he's given Blade! Mondo puts a boot in Blade's gut! That does it - Mondo in close, here it comes! SOMATIC SOLUTION!! BLADE SEIZES MONDO'S ARM IN THE AIR!!! BLADE BLOCKS THE SOMATIC SOLUTION AND COMES DOWN ON HIS FEET!! Blade pulls Mondo forward into his knee and doubles him over!! HERE IT IS!! HE'S GOT IT!!! DARKNESS FALLS!! DARKNESS FALLS!! BLADE GETS IT!! HE GETS ALL OF IT!!"

EMAII: "NO!! NO, I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THIS!!"

LH: "BLADE NAILS MONDO SOMATIC WITH THE DARKNESS FALLS!! MY GOD, A COVER!! BLADE'S GOT HIM DOWN!!


ONE!!































TWO!!




































THREE - OH MY GOD!! MONDO HAS KICKED OUT!! MONDO HAS KICKED OUT!!"

EMAII: "YES!!! SWEET EVIL, YOU HAVE NOT ABANDONED ME!!"

LH: "Blade is complete shock as his shot at winning this match may have just gone down the tubes!! Mondo Somatic, unable to be put down for the three count by Darkness Falls, and by God, there may be no way for Blade to win this match!"

EMAII: "There is not, Lester Holland. There is not."

LH: "Blade backing away in disbelief as Mondo slowly struggles to his feet, the icy look in his eyes undeterred by Darkness Falls. Literally scores of opponents, perhaps hundreds, have gone down to Darkness Falls, and Mondo Somatic survives it. Not only survives it, but seems ready for more! What could be going through the mind of Blade at this point?"

EMAII: "Realization of impending doom?"

LH: "Mondo lurching to his feet, and he's hurt, but not out yet at all. Blade comes forward, and Mondo blocks a punch and fires off one of his own. Blade momentarily stunned, and Mondo takes advantage with a clothesline, sending Blade to the mat. Mondo puts a boot to the back of Blade's head, and now brings him up and . . . gets him in a press slam!!! What power by Mondo Somatic!!! Mondo Somatic with a press slam on the almost 300-pound Blade, and now he's got his arm extended, and he's waiting for Blade to rise! I think this is it! Mondo's going to use the Somatic Solution!"

EMAII: "YES! END IT NOW, MONDO!"

LH: "Blade is on his feet, Mondo just waiting for him to turn around, the fans are screaming at Blade to try and warn him, but I think the Night's Crusader may be out on his feet! He's bleeding completely down the front of his chest! Mondo doesn't even seem to notice his own crimson mask! Blade standing, facing the crowd . . . Mondo, waiting for him to turn . . . Blade slowly starting to . . . SPIN AROUND LIKE A HURRICANE?!"

EMAII: "WHAT?!"

LH: "Blade . . . Blade playing possum!! Blade knew Mondo was behind him, and he just nailed him with an enormous spinning heel kick!!! And he comes down right on top of Mondo . . . INTO THE FADING SUN!!! BLADE WITH THE FADING SUN ON MONDO!!!"

EMAII: "Buh . . .wha . . . COME ON!"

LH: "Blade pulling back on Mondo for everything he's worth!! Mondo's got blood shooting out of his forehead like a fountain!! Blade not giving him an inch, he's going to tear Mondo Somatic in half!!! The ref is checking to see if Mondo gives up, but he gives a decisive no!! Mondo will not quit!! Blade cinches back even further, and by God, he could tear Mondo's arms right out of the socket!! Blade, bloodied, beaten, nearly overpowered by Mondo Somatic, has come down to this one final chance to put Somatic down, and he will not give it up for anything!!"

EMAII: "DO NOT GIVE IN, MONDO!! BLADE MUST BE STOPPED HERE AND NOW!"

LH: "Blade screaming as he strains to put even more torque on Mondo Somatic's muscles!! There's nowhere for Mondo to go!! He's refusing to give in, but Blade could very well end his career here and now if he doesn't! If Blade pulls back and further he will snap Mondo in half!! He - MONDO SAYS YES! MONDO SUBMITS!!! MONDO SUBMITS!!"

EMAII: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - "

PD: "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!! The winner of this match, as the result of a submission, and advancing to the Semi-Finals, BLADE!!"

EMAII: " -OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

LH: "BLADE HAS DONE IT!! BLADE COLLAPSES TO HIS KNEES, BUT HE IS VICTORIOUS!! THE REFEREE RAISING THE NIGHT'S CRUSADERS' HAND!! BLADE WILL GO ON TO THE SEMI-FINALS!"

EMAII: "UNACCEPTABLE!! DRAYVEN! YOU HAD BEST WIN YOUR MATCH AGAINST RUDE DUDE, BECAUSE IF THERE ISN'T MORE EVIL IN THIS TOURNAMENT, I WILL SLAUGHTER THOSE INVOLVED MYSELF!"

LH: "Blade rolls out of the ring as Mondo begins to sit up, and look at that rage in his eyes! Someone is going to feel that later tonight! But for right now, it's Blade, going on to the Semi Finals of this World Title Tournament, and folks, what an incredible effort by Blade! We've got to get outside, I understand that the preparations for the Blair Witch Project Match are almost complete!"

EMAII: "This had better be worth my evil time!"
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(We go to the outside, where we find NEFW Interviewer for the evening Johnathan Spectre standing in the middle of a Massachusetts woodland, lit only by a single overhead portable light. Night has firmly settled in now, the time coming in on 2 A.M., and around him the forest is dark and foreboding. In the distance, the moon is obstructed by clouds in a cold winter sky, and from somewhere far off, city lights can be seen.)

SPECTRE: "Lester, Evil Masked Announcer II, I'm out here about a good three miles from civilization, awaiting the start of the Blair Witch Project Match. Now, for those of you unfamiliar with the rules, here's how this works. Suess and Drayven have both been brought out to these woods and placed at starting points a few hundred feet apart, with only a vague idea of where they are. Also, several other wrestlers, selected at random, have been placed in the woods with them, with instructions to impede their progress by any means necessary. So, Suess and Drayven will be fighting the dark, the dangers of these woods, obstacles created by other wrestlers, and, of course, each other when they come head to head. The winner of the match is the first person to escape the woods and make it back to Banknorth Garden, which is approximately three miles in the distance."

LH: "Quite a challenge for our two competitors, I can't imagine what to expect in this kind of unique environment. I certainly hope the two are up to the challenge."

EMAII: "The presence of the Blair Witch shall assuredly tip the scales in Drayven's favor, as his evil will surely attract her attentions."

LH: "There's no such thing as the Blair Witch."

EMAII: "There is so! They made a movie!"

LH: "It had a SEQUEL."

EMAII: "Hollywood drivel."

LH: "I'm being told that one camera will follow each competitor at all times so we can keep track of their progress. Lighting will be kept to a minimum, and Suess and Drayven will literally have to fight their way through the dark to make it to the finish."

EMAII: "Drayven does not fight the darkness, foolish Holland. He embraces it."

LH: "There's Suess, and we can see determination on his face. Victory in this match could give him a huge psychological edge in the World Title Tournament."

SPECTRE: "I'm being told now that we have an inclement weather warning, it seems freezing rain could begin falling at any point in the next twenty minutes. The wrestlers are being asked if they would like to continue, and so far there have been no withdrawals."

LH: "Rain? It's already just over thirty degrees out there. Rain could cause mud, ice, obscure vision, it will already be a challenge for their eyes to adjust to the dark. This is going to be one hell of a match, Evil Masked Announcer II."

EMAII: "For remembering not to shorten my name, I shall only break two of your legs following the match."

LH: "But I've only got two legs!"

EMAII: "Thank your puny God for small favors, I suppose."

LH: "Hold on, I'm getting word here . . . all the wrestlers involved in the match have given the all-clear. The signal has been given, and this match has officially started! Both men are now alone in the woods with only a lone cameraman on each of them. They've got no light, no directions, only a vague sense of where to head. Suess taking off with a running start, not wasting any time. He's got a good pace going, he could be looking to bypass any possible ambushes before they come his way."

EMAII: "A vain and foolish hope, Suess. Those who would attack you have had days of advance notice to plan and plot their attacks upon you, they will not be thwarted by speed! You have pitiful few chances of escaping this wood of death alive."

LH: "We've got a view of Drayven now, and I think he shares your sentiment."

EMAII: "Great evil minds think about killing people alike."

LH: "Drayven not running at all. He's got a deliberate march going on, and he's moving straight forward. I doubt he can make out what's in front of him any better than Suess, but I think Drayven is counting on the slow and steady approach to win this race."

EMAII: "Drayven has a sense about places where sin and darkness gather, he will use that intuition to guide him towards the city streets!"

LH: "Or a rich girl's sweet 16 party."

EMAII: "Oh man, did you see that episode of South Park where Satan . . . I mean, shut up, Holland!"

LH: "Drayven continuing his walk, we're back to Suess now, and he's stopped altogether. I think Suess has lost his way, and now he's alone in the darkness. Look at how cold it is, you can see Suess's breath steaming in front of him. Suess trying to decide which path is the best one to take, and . . . wait, did you see that?"

EMAII: "Is it the Blair Witch?"

LH: "Someone just ran in front of the camera, I couldn't make out who it was."

EMAII: "The darkness is playing tricks on your eyes, as it does often with those not accustomed to evil."

LH: "No, wait, you can hear the leaves rustling on the ground, I think Suess hears it too. Suess looking around, trying to see who's out there, and a branch just snapped somewhere near him. Suess definitely at a disadvantage.here to someone, but we don't know who."

EMAII: "Perhaps Drayven has found him already, and now seeks to take care of his opposition before the race can even begin!"

LH: "Suess deciding to just get out of there, and -

*SMACK*

LH: "- someone LEVELED Suess with a tree branch!!"

EMAII: "To whom do I direct my thanks?"

LH: "They're stepping into the camera shot . . . it's Trevor "The Hammer" Hextall from Team Canada! Trevor Hextall has gotten the drop on Suess, and now the former tag team champion is raising that tree branch overhead! He brings it down, but Suess rolls out of the way! Hextall, stalking Suess with that branch, Suess stumbling away holding his head where Trevor smacked him the first time! Remember, everyone in these woods has instructions to do whatever they have to to keep the other wrestlers from reaching the arena!"

EMAII: "I do hope one of them thought to bring a gun."

LH: "Suess looks behind him, and Hextall is right there, wielding that branch like a club, and he takes a swing at Suess - !! . . .and we cut back to Drayven!"

EMAII: "What? No! Let me see if he hit him!"

LH: "We've cut back to Drayven, and he still hasn't altered his pace or direction. The Dark One continues his walk forward towards the direction he thinks is right. Wait, Drayven has stopped in the middle of his march, and he's staring into the forest ahead. Perhaps giving his eyes time to adjust to the dark?"

EMAII: "I doubt Drayven needs any adjusting to darkness."

LH: "Drayven standing still, staring ahead with a grim expression his face . . . the wind seems to be picking up as leaves stir on the forest bed, that rain is not far off. Hold on, what's this now? There are two figures emerging from the forest ahead of Drayven! Why, that's Raptor, and The Goth! They were lying in wait, but Drayven must have somehow known they were there! Drayven still standing as they approach him, and these two violent sociopaths are now in the road between Drayven and victory!"

EMAII: "No strangers to the ways of evil either of them, I wonder how they will deal with a wellspring of diabolical power like Drayven?"

LH: "Raptor and the Goth advancing . . . and we're back to Suess!"

EMAII: "Not again!"

LH: "Suess backed up against a tree, and Trevor Hextall is still attempting to bash his head in! Suess ducks a shot and dives to the ground, Hextall's branch breaks against one of these sturdy pines. Suess back on his feet . . . but he gets driven to the ground from behind! It's Bob "Bonebreaker" Jablonski, Trevor's tag team partner! Suess is now in the sights of both members of Team Canada! Suess driven down into the dirt, and now Jablonski is picking him up, and he's got Suess's arms locked behind him! These two Canadians have got Suess helpless, and Trevor Hextall is coming in to finish the job!"

EMAII: "Let thine hand strike true!"

LH: "Trevor winds up for a big haymaker, but Suess hits a mule kick on Jablonski! Bonebreaker lets go of Suess a second too soon, and Trevor's punch takes out his own tag team partner! Trevor shocked by his own actions, and Suess takes advantage! KAT'S LAYOVER! Suess hits a modified Kat's Layover on Trevor Hextall! The Hammer is out on the ground, and now Suess is rolling him and Jablonski down the hill he just came up! Suess staring after them as the two fallen ambushers roll to the bottom, and now he takes off again into the woods!"

EMAII: "FEH! Team Canada was but the first obstacle you shall face, Suess! Your luck in this endeavor shall not hold for long!"

LH: "Suess trying to figure out which way he was going again . . . and wait, look at that! Someone is following Suess! There's someone in the woods behind him!"

EMAII: "It's the witch!"

LH: "It is not - wait, we're back to Drayven! Goth and Raptor are both circling the Dark One, and Raptor lunges in for an attack - Drayven catches him by the throat! Drayven tossing Raptor aside, and hurls him into the Goth! Both of Drayven's would-be assailants go down, but come up again quickly. Goth charging Drayven, and Drayven blocks a series of punches - Raptor goes in low to try and chop block him, and gets kicked in the face for his troubles!"

EMAII: "Drayven merely perturbed by this interruption in his march, he shall make short work of this duo."

LH: "I do believe you're right, as Drayven throws Goth down to the forest floor, and now he and Raptor are both unsure of what to do next. Drayven not moved in the least from where he was, unbelievable! We saw Drayven's cold, calculating efficiency earlier when he dealt with the Upstarts, and Hybrid Carnage is getting a good look at it now!"

EMAII: "Indeed, Drayven carries himself like a champion, and a champion he shall be before this day is done!"

LH: "That is a distinct possibility, and here come Goth and Raptor again, double teaming Drayven!! They're both on him at once, and, yes, they're driving him backwards, Drayven apparantly struggling to prevent their rapid-fire attacks from connecting . . . wait, Drayven captures the Goth's arm! He just swung the Goth like a rag doll into his own partner, and both members collide with a tree! The Goth trying to rise . . .and Drayven delivers a kick to the side of his head! Hybrid Carnage has just been decimated by Drayven, and by God, how can Suess expect to beat someone like that?"

EMAII: "Simple, Lester Holland. He cannot."

LH: "Drayven turning directly back to where he was originally facing, and resumes his stride as if he never halted at all! Drayven, downright eerie in this, the Blair Witch Project Match!"

EMAII: "Expect only further acts to illustrate his destructive capability, for nothing and no one shall halt the path of doom Drayven shall carve out tonight on his path to the title!"

LH: "I think we can see from the camera lens there that it has indeed begun to rain, and that will not improve conditions for our wrestlers at all in these dark, freezing woods. We've got our focus back on Suess now, and Suess is tearing through the bush trying to find the fastest route out of there. No doubt about it now, Suess fearing that he's gotten himself lost, which could cost him precious time in this match up."

EMAII: "You act as if he stood a chance to begin with!"

LH: "Suess stopping, trying to figure things out here. He's got - something just dropped to the ground behind him! Suess heard it, too late! He's been trapped in a bear hug, and his assailant is stepping out . . . it's Joseph Masterson Vondikail! Vondikail hid in the trees and dropped down to attack Suess! He's squeezing the life out of the People's Champ, and now he swings him back and forth like a lousy parent with a noisy newborn!"

EMAII: "Hey, if you can determine a better way to ensure their silence, I'd like to hear it!"

LH: "Joseph Masterson Vondikail, a monster in his own right, with a sadistic grin on his face as he stalks Suess, who is stumbling and coughing as he tries to escape his attacker! Suess, turning back to face Vondikail, and Vondikail catches him with a tremendous right hand to the side of his skull! Suess staggering backwards, and this laughing animal is all over him. What was David Fineberg thinking, putting a beast like Vondikail in this type of environment?! He's likely to kill Suess if he's not stopped!"

EMAII: "Maybe THAT'S what Fineberg was thinking."

LH: "Suess knocked to the ground by Vondikail, and this heinous man is picking up the People's Champ as . . . we cut back to Drayven!"

EMAII: "Who keeps doing that?!"

LH: "Drayven looks to be unscathed thus far, and he's fortunate enough to have had the foresight to wear that trenchcoat in this miserable weather. The rain is going to make things very difficult, as if they weren't already. Drayven pausing . . . he's looking around. Is he lost?"

EMAII: "Inconceivable."

LH: "Drayven exhaling slowly, you can see his breath rising into the air, and it looks like he's opted to continue going forward. I guess he was only trying to figure out if his was the right way - no, wait, look! There, in front of Drayven, someone just ran by! Drayven saw it, too!"

EMAII: "Another pitiful lamb to be led to the slaughter?"

LH: "Drayven, definitely not looking as calm as he did in the face of Hybrid Carnage. He's clearly angry at whomever it was he just saw. There he goes again! Whoever it is, they're extremely quick, and Drayven spins around too late as we just saw his silouhette go rushing by. Drayven quickly losing his patience here, drawing his lips back in a scowl, and . . .look, from the side, ABOVE! Drayven turns to meet his attacker, a second too slow!! They both go tumbling down into the dirt and loam, and his assailant is revealing himself to be . . . . . . OMEN!"

EMAII: "Omen!? NO! What is that misguided fool doing here?!"

LH: "It looks like he's taking a piece out of the man many have speculated is his own brother! We know common blood never stopped Rein Engel and Cross from beating the hell out of each other, and now Omen is using his boot to grind Drayven's face into the ground! Drayven twisting, and he gets ahold of Omen's leg and brings him down with an improvised dragon screw! Omen landing on his knuckles, and manages to flip back to his feet. Drayven rising like a ghoul coming out of the crypt, and he's got a malevolent stare directed at the man who is, quite possibly, his own kin!"

EMAII: "Best friends make the greatest enemies, Lester Holland, but it cannot even approach the hatred flesh and blood can bear for one another!"

LH: "Omen doesn't look any happier to see Drayven, and he's coming at him again as the rain coming down starts to visibly intensify! Drayven too quick this time, and he tosses Omen aside as casually as he did Raptor or the Goth, but Omen gets his footing on the side of a tree and springs back off! What adaptability by Omen, and he blindsides Drayven - CRYSTAL BALL CRASH!! OMEN WITH THE CRYSTAL BALL CRASH ON DRAYVEN! Drayven's picking dirt out of his teeth, and now Omen is on the offensive in a big way! We're - cutting back to Suess!"

EMAII: "Oh, for Evil's Sake!"

LH: "Suess still being hammered on by Joseph Vondikail, who's got Suess pinned to the ground, and looks to be taking great delight in the beating he's giving him here. Suess struggling to rise, but Joseph has got a knee planted down on Suess's chest as he continues to wail away at his unprotected skull! I think this obstacle could be one Suess won't overcome, but can Drayven get past Omen?"

EMAII: "What a stupid question. You're a stupid man, Holland."

LH: "Suess trying in vain to fight back, I'm not sure how he intends to . . . wait, Suess just brought his fist up against Joseph's head! I don't think that did anything but anger Vondikail, but Suess does it again! Two fists at once - Suess just boxed Vondikail's ears! Joseph backing off in pain, and that gives Suess a chance to escape!"

EMAII: "You should have gutted it out, Vondikail! You're an embarassment to evil! You're just a big jerk!"

LH: "Suess scraping and groping for something to fight back against the mammoth Vondikail with, but Joseph has already regained his senses, and that grin has fallen from his face, there's only fury there now! Suess, I think Suess found something buried in the ground there, and he's digging it out, but Vondikail has a grip on him! Suess blindly pulls whatever he has out of the ground and swings it backwards - IT'S A SKULL!! Suess has unearthed some kind of animal skull and just lambasted Joseph Vondikail with it!"

EMAII: "Please be the violated bones of a Native American here to curse Suess and haunt his family home!"

LH: "That's the plot of Poltergeist! This is the Blair Witch Project!"

EMAII: "So you ADMIT there's a Witch!"

LH: "No! I - stop doing that! Suess has found an enormous animal skull under the dirt, loosened free by the rain, no doubt! If I didn't know better, I'd say that was a moose!"

EMAII: "Did Team Canada stop for dinner before hiding in the forest?"

LH: "Whatever it is, it's huge, and Suess has got Joseph Masterson Vondikail stunned with it! I think the first shot split Vondikail's eyebrow open! He's got rain and blood in his eye, and Suess, Suess smacks him with the skull again!! Joseph visibly shaken, and Suess now hammering at him like a madman! Again and again, I think he's trying to crush Vondikail's skull with his own! Look at that shot, it sends Vondikail spiraling into a tree, and now Suess . . . Suess crams the moose skull on top of Vondikail's head and hammers the two together! Joseph sinks like a stone! Suess with an absolutely savage beating, and it looks like Masterson's fists may have opened up Suess's nose down there on the ground. He's dirty, he's bleeding, and he's wet, but Suess just destroyed one of the most sadistic creatures to ever enter the NEFW ring!"

EMAII: "Suess did nothing! It was the skull! The skull, I tell you! Why don't we just let the skull compete in the match?!"

LH: "Suess trudging off back into the woods, leaving Vondikail behind him as this rainstorm continues to intensify, and I think Suess still has that skull with him! Maybe we can - cut back to Drayven!"

EMAII: "FINALLY!"

LH: "Drayven crouched forward, with a hand to his lip, and Omen still opposite him. Drayven looks to have been banged up a little, but Omen is clearly winded here. Wait, Omen is going on the offensive again, and there's a kick - no, he drops down at the last second as Drayven grabs for his leg! Omen slides down and kicks Drayven in the knee instead! Drayven goes down, and Omen tackles him, but Drayven with a monkey flip throws Omen off of him! Omen comes down hard on the ground, but he comes up quick. NOT QUICK ENOUGH! Drayven has Omen by the throat, and look at the rage in the eyes of Drayven! He is absolutely livid at Omen's interference, and Omen with just as much hatred staring back at him! You could melt an ice cube with the stare these two are giving one another!"

EMAII: "Omen can hate as much as he wants, Holland, his part in this farce has come to an end!"

LH: "I think you might be . . . RIGHT! OH MAN! Drayven just drilled Omen face-first into a tree! And now he's scraping his face into the bark! Drayven leaving bloody streaks of Omen behind as he grinds him into that tree, and Omen drooping limply to the ground . . and Drayven puts a boot to the back of his head! Drayven picking up the body, and Omen has been knocked unconscious! Drayven gritting his teeth angrily, and now he tosses the body of his fallen foe aside. Will we ever get the full story of what's going on with those two?"

EMAII: "If Omen survives the evening, perhaps. But then again, perhaps not."

LH: "Drayven turns his back on the fallen Omen, and you can see lightning on the horizon now as this storm continues to grow! Drayven continuing his walk towards victory, but who knows what else is in this forest . . . hold on, what's this? Someone just walked onto the shot! Whoever it is, they're picking up Omen and carrying him away . . . was it NEFW medical staff?"

EMAII: "No . . . no I don't think it was . . . but . . . "

LH: "Hold on, we're back to Suess here, and he appears to have paused to catch his breath. Wait, Suess is looking around, he's halted his breaths, did he hear something? I think so! Suess . . . Suess is climbing that tree! I think Suess is through being the one ambushed! Suess disappearing up that tree, and between the cold, the dark, the rain, and the pain, there's got to be more adrenaline than blood in his system right now. Suess hidden from view, and yes, there is indeed someone emerging from the brush, it's . . . "

EMAII: "Inconceivable!!"

LH: "It's DRAYVEN! Suess must have gotten ahead of Drayven, and now Drayven has entered the area where Suess is hiding! Does Drayven know Suess is here?"

EMAII: "He can surely sense his foul aura of righteousness even through this storm!"

LH: "Drayven halts, but I don't think it's because he senses anything, I think something just hit him! I can't make it out, but . . .yes, something just smacked against Drayven's face! Drayven looks shocked, and he's searching for the source of this onslaught, and something just pelted him again! Now he looks angry again as he holds up . . . a pinecone! Suess is in those trees, unbeknownst to Drayven, and he's pelting the Dark One with pinecones! Drayven demanding that his attacker show himself, as he's shielding himself with his arms!"

EMAII: "What a ridiculous attack! Show yourself, Suess! Don't be such a - "

LH: "SUESS DIVES OFF A TREE BRANCH AND LANDS ON DRAYVEN! HURACANRANA! HURACANRANA!! A DIVING HURACANRANA FROM A TREE!!"

EMAII: "PFFFFFFFFFSSSSSHHHHT!"

LH: "How did you do that? You weren't even drinking anything!"

EMAII: "I keep a sac of unicorn blood in my cheek to bite down on just in case I ever have to do a spit take."

LH: "That's repulsive. But look at the vindictive smile on Suess's face! He got Drayven right where he wanted him, and now he's taking a few gratuitous shots to make sure his foe stays down! Suess picking up that moose skull from earlier, and Drayven is trying to get back up, gasping - and Suess beans him in the side of the face with the skull! That skull has been Suess's best friend in this match!"

EMAII: "You coward, Suess! Fight Drayven man to man!"
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