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| [MBC] Unnamed Bastard Show - February 24th, 2012; HOUR ONE | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Mar 1 2012, 03:38 PM (211 Views) | |
| MBCKyle | Mar 1 2012, 03:38 PM Post #1 |
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The Soda Dog Refreshment Squad
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AND LO... THERE WAS DARKNESS... [Like the universe itself, we begin in darkness.] ...THE ETERNAL SHADOW OF SACCHARIN SPLENDOR... ...THE BLACK CARESS... ...SWEET, SWEET MERCIFUL BLACK... [They get the point.] THEN THERE WAS LIGHT! [Well, only sort of. It’s neon light. Sure, that’s light but its not the blazing sun of our local star that the narrator would have you expect. As booming as his voice is, you can’t really talk up neon glow.] AND INTO THE WORLD, A NEW ERA OF BASTARDISM WAS BORN [So yeah, he doesn’t even try.] REBORN LIKE A PHOENIX BUT NOT LIKE THAT PLACE IN PHOENIX IT IS ITS OWN THING! VERY PHOENIX-Y! VERY PHOENIX LIKE! [Are you done?] WITH PHOENIXES! [The neon light is that of a sign. The sign reads: STAMPEDE ARENA. And with this we know that we are outside the locally famous Stampede Arena in El Paso, Texas. Here was where Bastard Stampede was born and died. And now it is reborn...] ...LIKE A PHOENIX... [...as MBC Lone Star. The camera pans out to see the arena as a whole. Specifically, we are located at the employee entrance of the arena, where two security guards stand together looking at something.] Guard #1: Sir, unless you have a pass, you’re not allowed in. [Turns out, that something is a someone. He’s a man, somewhat rotund and very bald. So bald in fact that his head looks a little bigger than a regular human head. He holds his hands out, fingers splayed as he speaks... no, screams... with authority. His is the booming voice we have heard.] Man: LIKE A PHOENIX! AND I AM HERE TO WITNESS THIS COSMIC EVENT! FOR I AM.... Guard #2: Sir, it doesn’t matter what your name is. You’re not on the list. You don’t have the proper ID. And without either one, we can’t let you in. Man: I AM HERE TO BARE WITNESS! AND I SHALL DO SO FROM THE INSIDE! Guard #1: Without a badge, how do you propose to do that? Man: WITH A TICKET FOR A RINGSIDE SEAT! [To his credit, the bald man produces a ticket. The Guards look at it and nod.] Guard #1: Yep, that’s one of our tickets. Guard #2: Hologram of the hamster and all. Guard #1: But you’ll have to go to the southwest gate to get... wait... where did he go? [And like that, the bald man is gone.] Guard #2: Fast little bastard that one. Guard #1: So where were we? How again is the MBC like Doctor Who? [Faintly, in the background comes the sound of a motorcycle.] Guard #2: So Dr. Who dies right? But he doesn’t die. He regenerates. Guard #1: And they get a new actor to play him? Guard #2: Yes, totally genius. Can keep it going for years. [The sounds of the motorcycle get closer and closer] Guard: #1: Well how is the MBC like that? Guard #2: Its simple. The MBC dies... like a lot. But it’s not dead. It regenerates. Guard #1: Then why not compare the MBC to a starfish? Guard #2: Because Limp Bizkit may as well wiped the starfish out of existence. Starfish are forever tainted! Tainted! [The motorcycle arrives, carrying two men. One is the driver. The other sits in the sidecar. Care to guess if they’re on the list?] Pinhead: Slush, time to wake up. [The driver kicks the sidecar passenger in the side of the head in attempt to wake him up.] Pinhead: Slush! Wake the Hell up! This intro is already way too long for you to be lazy! Slush: Huih? Wha? Pinhead: We’re here! Slush: Where’s here? Pinhead: El Paso. Slush: Wait. You were serious about El Paso? Pinhead: Of course. How could you not think I was serious. We’ve been driving south ever since Canada and following all the signs that read El Paso. Slush: I don’t trust bald men who get their hair back. It’s... unnatural. [Meanwhile, the two guards watch this, fascinated that two men can act like such children.] Pinhead: You don’t trust a lot of people. Excuse me if I don’t care. Slush: You know who else I don’t trust? George Hamilton. Nobody should be that tan. Or that leathery. Pinhead: If it’s any consolation, I don’t think anybody born past 1992 knows who George Hamilton is. Slush: I love it when C-level celebrities fade into obscurity. Makes me so hard. Pinhead: You are a disgusting human being. Slush: With no need for Viagra. [One of the Guards clears his throat to get Pinhead and Slush’s attention.] Guard #1: Gentlemen, you’ve been expected. Slush: We have? [Slush looks at the security uniforms.] Slush: I didn’t do anything! That car was on fire when I found it. I owe Gamma Ray nothing! [Security rightfully ignores him, turning to Pinhead.] Guard #2: Commissioner Harper told us to expect you. Pinhead: I wanted to make sure we could get in without any problems so I called ahead. Slush: When did you do that? Pinhead: When you thought it was a good idea to take a leak into the Grand Canyon. Slush: If Dan Fielding taught me anything it was “if you see a crevice, fill it.” Pinhead: Night Court references. Great. Guard #1: If you’ll follow me Mister McAllister, I’m sure the Commissioner would like to see you as soon as possible. Pinhead: Can I leave the bike here? Guard #2: I’ll get it parked. Slush: Hey what about me? [Pinhead eases off the motorcycle seat and tosses the key to the guard.] Pinhead: You heard the rental lady. The only thing they’d let you drive is a blimp and only because they know you’d hurt yourself. Slush: How was I supposed to know that rental places had blacklists? [The guard takes the key and replaces Pinhead in the drivers seat as Pinhead and the other guard head into the building.] Slush: So... Frank... can I call you Frank? Guard: My name is Bill. Slush: Whatever Frank. What am I supposed to do while Pinhead meets with his pretend girlfriend? Guard: What else? Commentary. [Slush turns to the skies and screams at his fate!] Slush: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! [The guard turns over the engine and speeds off as Slush cries with horror. The scene fades out and brings in our really half-assed logo. ASCII is cool and all but it just doesn’t come out all that well...] THE MIGHTY BASTARD CHAMPIONSHIP PRESENTS THE UNNAMED BASTARD SHOW EPISODE TWO: NO COUNTRY FOR OLD BASTARDS or THE BIG BASTARDSKI [Our cheap logo fades, you know, like you’d expect a cheap logo to fade. Immediately we are taken to the interior of the sold out Stampede Arena. It’s a small venue, maybe housing only about 2,500. But each of those 2,500 is ready for tonight’s show. All are on their feet and yes, there are signs: “I WANT MY MBC!”, “MARK OUT MANIA 4 LIFE~!”, and “I HAVE PURE POWER... IN MY PANTS~!” are only a few of them.] ST: Hello everyone and welcome to this very special edition of MBC Lone Star’s Friday Night Wrestling! [The corner of the arena houses the entrance for all talent to come through. On either side are modestly sized big screen monitors to play all of Lone Star’s production videos and camera feeds. There’s a small elevated stage to the left of the entrance, meant for interviews and the like. And leading from the entrance area to the ring is a wide walkway, lined with adoring fans.] LW: This is going to be a fun show. I can feel it already. [The cameras then take the home viewer ringside where tonight’s commentary crew is set at a table facing the ring and entrance way. ] ST: It will be interesting to say the least. I’m your host Stan Thomas. [Stan is a man in his mid 30s with short brown hair. He wears a black polo shirt and blue jeans.] ST: And next to me is the lovely Lori Wilson. [Lori is also in her mid 30s, has shoulder-length light brown hair and wears a white blouse and brown dress slacks.] LW: You flatter as always. Keep it up. [Lori flashes a playful smile to Stan who returns it in kind. But then he drops to a more serious look.] ST: And joining us on tonight’s telecast is somebody who really needs no introduction. Slush: I hate this place already. [And then sitting to the left with his arms folded and feet propped up on the table is Slush.] Slush: What does somebody have to do to get a margarita and a burrito? I mean really! LW: We don’t normally eat during... Slush: Well, welcome to abnormal baby! [Slush blows Lori a kiss, immediately sending shivers down her spine.] ST: For those of you are joining us for the first time tonight, I can promise you that you’ll be in for a great experience. MBC Lone Star has some of the best, young talent in all of the MBC territories. LW: Many of whom have graduated from Commissioner Stephanie Harper’s Lone Star Academy. Slush: Did she train them to bake cookies? LW: No, she trained them... Slush: Not interested. Unless baked goods are a part of the equation it’s not a school I wish to recognize. I’M LOOKING AT YOU KANSAS STATE! LW: I really don’t think any university has a undergraduate degree in baking. Slush: Lori dear, there is so much I must teach you. Baking... wrestling... love... [Lori quickly turns to Stan.] LW: Why are we harboring this animal? ST: Making his debut tonight is Montana Bishop, a Texas native looking to rise the ranks here in Lone Star. His opponent is someone the people of El Paso know pretty well, Olaf Fub, the Ragin’ Buffalo. LW: Fub may look... well for a lack of a better term, goofy, but he’s a tough customer. Bishop is going to want to watch out. Slush: A chess piece versus a fat man. Boring! Next? LW: A chess piece? That’s rather obtuse. Slush: Okay, how about this. A buffer state that not even Canada would invade versus a fat man. Is that better? LW: Not really, no. ST: Local superstar “Screechin” Susie Green takes on an import from the UWF, Michiko. LW: Here’s somebody who does nothing but talk a big game. She claims to be the best women’s wrestler in the industry. Obviously I have my doubts. Slush: Wow, you are such a hater! Who punched you on the playground to make you so bitter? [Lori turns back to Stan.] LW: How does Pinhead put up with this? And why isn’t he here to be a buffer? ST: He’s only been here for three minutes. You will survive. Slush: You know, I’m used to women not looking me in the eye, either in public or in the bedroom. It’s kind of hot. [Deep down, Lori wishes Slush would just pop out of existence.] LW: I’ve changed my mind. I’m not going to like this show. ST: Also from Lone Star’s Women’s Division, we’ll have a double debut from the Lone Star Academy. The dark and brooding Gloria faces off against the bubbly Michelle “Forever” Young. LW: I’ve seen these two in action at the Academy. I think we’ll all be pleasantly surprised. Slush: Do they fart candy? I’d find that surprising. ST: In a Bastard Stampede era matchup, Tyler Tucker will step inside the ring to face Takashi “T.K.” Komatsu. Tucker has done nothing but annoy former Stampeders as of late, especially after flaunting his old West Texas Championship Title belt. LW: I spoke to T.K. earlier. He’s eager to wipe Tucker’s smug grin off that face of his. Slush: Do you need a squeegee for that? ST: And in our main event, we’ve got a considerable matchup in store. Jerry “Pure Power” Titus defends the MBC Smash Bash Crucify Championship against “King Texas” James Masterson. Lone Star fans have been clamoring for this match for quite a while. LW: Masterson is a third generation wrestler who’s been rising in the ranks for a few years now. Most of all, he’s hungry to punch through to that next level. ST: But if anybody understands the hunger of someone from a long lineage of wrestlers, it’s Titus. Slush: Bah, please. You’re talking about children. Let me tell you something about children. LW: Is it too late to say no? Slush: Children are a disappointment. They’ll stab you in the back as soon as they can. Don’t think they [MEEP] in their diaper because they don’t know any better. Oh they know. The moment you change their diaper and they pee on you is the moment they own you. LW: I don’t think... Slush: Do you have kids Betty? LW: My name is Lori. Slush: No, you probably don’t. You don’t have child bearing hips. You’d have to squeeze kids out like toothpaste. LW: Listen here! Slush: Bored now. In summary, children suck. Betty needs to adopt. [Lori turns to Stan, an angered look on her face.] LW: You realize that this... [Points to Slush.] LW: ...is the MBC. This is what we as a company are trying to emulate? Do we want to be a part of this? [Stan listens and nods, understanding full well Lori’s grief.] ST: Let me see if I can help you with this. LW: Good luck with that one. ST: You know how Commissioner Harper goes out of her way to make sure we commentators are untouchable? The wrestles can’t touch us. LW: We don’t give them a reason to Stan. ST: Yes well, he does. [Stan points to Slush, who somehow found a bottle of bubbles. He’s blowing them into the audience.] Audience Member: THE BUBBLES! THEY BURN! Slush: That’s life kid. Get used to it. LW: Your point Stan? ST: The Commissioner doesn’t make that same concession for him. LW: So if he says something stupid... ST: Rethink that. LW: Right... _when_ he says something stupid, its open season on him. ST: Yes. And...? LW: We have a front row seat. ST: Exactly. LW: But is it worth the torment? [Both Lori and Stan look at Slush who’s attention is now directed back towards Lori. He’s trying to dazzle her with his pitiful attempt at flexing his muscles for the ladies.] Slush: Oh you like this baby? You likey the gun show? ST: Does that answer your question? LW: I’ll let you know. [The slow opening guitars and drums of Lynard Skynard's "Travelin' Man" cue up, leading into the main riff. The lead singer then begins to weave his tale.] # I was born a travelin' man, that's all I'll ever be Moving around from town to town, is what makes me so free My father was a trucker for years of twenty-three And on the day that I was born, his truck was left to me. # [The entrance curtains then rustle, before Montana Bishop steps out onto the ramp to a nice pop from the crowd. He's dressed in a pair of dark blue denim jeans, black elbow pads, black fingerless truck driver's gloves, and black boots on his feet. He's also wearing an unbuttoned flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up and a cowboy hat on his head. Raising both arms in the air, working the crowd, he then makes his way along the ramp to the ring. Montana then steps through the ropes as "Travelin' Man" finally fades out. Montana then motions to a ringside attendant for a mic.] MB: How ya' doin' EL PASO?! [CHEAP FACE POP!] MB: Oh man, I tell you it's so good to be back home in Texas. But where's my manners? Some of you probably don't know me, and some of you probably do. And I ain't a bettin' man, but I'm guessin' that there's a couple folks all the way back in the cheap seats, who saw a truck drivin' family man get into a fight one day, and suggested he try out wrestling. But for those who don't know me, well... [He flashes a warm and friendly, but also confident smile.] MB: You're gonna' find out what I'm all about soon enough. [He pauses for a beat, pacing slowly around the ring.] MB: So tonight, right here in MBC Lone Star... [POP!] MB: Montana Bishop squares off with Olaf Fub. Tonight, y'all are in for a show. 'Cause Mr. Fub ain't a small man by any means, and he ain't a slouch either. When we're standin' right here in this ring [points down], locked eye to eye, and our fists are flyin', I promise you one thing, folks... it ain't gonna' be pretty. But it damn sure will be fun to watch. So here's what I want from you all tonight. When we get back in this ring, I want you all standin' on your feet, clappin', screamin', hollarin', cheerin', and while we're in here beatin' eachother half to death, I want you to show everybody watchin' that this ain't just the MBC's kid brother anymore... [He shakes his head to emphasize the point.] MB: Show 'em that Lone Star is all grown up; and that only Texans can be _true_ Mighty Bastards. [MASSIVE FACE POP! Montana tips his hat all gentlemanly-like, before climbing out of the ring. While at ringside, he slaps just about every outstretched hand he can. Suddenly though, Travlin Man stops, replaced by Ted Nugent’s “Great White Buffalo.” Out comes “The Ragin’ Buffalo” Olaf Fub.] Slush: Wow, did that guy eat the Half Ton Teen? LW: He’s a bit... big... sure. But not _that_ much. Slush: Yeah right. Would you let that crawl all over you Betty? LW: You are disgusting. Slush: Probably have a harness for that kind of thing you know. You’ve heard the stories about Catherine the Great right? ST: Olaf Fub has come to the ring and he’s demanding their match start now. He’s not enamored at all with Montana Bishop. LW: And it looks like Montana is just as eager to get this going! ____________________________________________ LONE STAR FRIDAY NIGHT WRESTLING MONTANA BISHOP vs. OLAF FUB ____________________________________________ [Montana Bishop quickly reentered the ring just as Fub lumbered up the ring steps. The referee quickly ran down to the ring and slid under the ropes. He gave as quick a rundown of the rules as humanly possible and called for the bell. Once he caught his breath, he watched as Fub barreled across the ring at Bishop. Montana met the Ragin’ Buffalo head on, kicking the match into a brawl. Fub, who was used to using his excessive weight and size against opponents was finding difficulty in over powering Bishop. Bishop, by no means a small man, was also having issues even moving the mammoth Fub. The two behemoths jockeyed for both power and leverage, finding that neither was easy to come by.] ST: Bishop coming on strong despite being outweighed by quite a lot. Slush: You know, Fub would make a fabulous cocaine mule. His stomach has got to be HUGE. LW: Seriously? That’s what you think of? Cocaine muling? Slush: Look at him! He could fit a live turkey in that thing! Maybe a doberman pincher! [Resorting to underhanded tactics, Fub spat in Bishop’s eye, temporarily blinding the trucker turned wrestler. Fub finally gained a foothold in the fight for dominance and shoved Bishop to the corner. Fub worked away using his body like a fleshy wrecking ball. After nearly suffocating Bishop in the folds of his fat, Fub drove Bishop face first into the turnbuckle repeatedly and then to the mat. Fub flipped him over and started to climb the turnbuckle, all in an attempt to execute his Buffalo Bomb. But Bishop came alive and punched upwards, striking Fub where it counts. As Fub gritted his teeth and felt the reverberations of pain through his whole soul, Bishop moved to his feet and executed a neckbreaker. Bishop took control from there. Bishop worked Fub over and though it took quite a lot of work, the Ragin’ Buffalo was slowed. What was most impressive was Bishop’s ability to lift Fub into a spinebuster. With the Buffalo downed, Bishop covered to take home his first win.] WINNER BY PINFALL: Montana Bishop ____________________________________________ ST: Incredible win by Bishop there. Fub is no pushover. Slush: He’s kind of like a turtle. Knock him on his back and he may not get up. LW: That’s a little simplistic Slush: And I’m a simple man. LW: Now you’re making it way to easy. Slush: Like an easy bake oven. [Fade to the office of MBC Lone Star Commissioner Stephanie Harper. It's actually a pretty small office, with Harper seated behind a small wooden desk and in a small chair. Another small chair is in front of the desk. Harper wears a white polo shirt and blue jeans. There comes a knock on the door before it opens. The secretary sticks her head in.] Secretary: Commissioner, there is an Ian McAllister here to see you. SH: Name sounds familiar but it's not exactly ringing a bell. Secretary: Well, he said his name was Pinhead but he seems too old to be one of our wrestlers. SH: Pinhead… send him in. I've been expecting him. [The secretary disappears back behind the door and we hear the mumbled conversation between her and the new arrival. The door swings open and in walks Pinhead, carrying a a package wrapped in deep blue cloth. He sees Harper who has walked around her desk to greet him with a friendly handshake.] SH: Thanks for coming by, Pinhead… take a seat. Pinhead: Good to be here. And even better to... [Pinhead eases himself into one of the chairs parked in front of Harper's desk.] Pinhead: ...sit in something other than the seat of a motorcycle. SH: Been riding long? Pinhead: Too long. Add to that I've been riding with Slush and... SH: Five minutes with him is too long. Pinhead: Exactly. [The secretary brings in a pitcher of ice water and two glasses. Harper nods her thanks, passing on a beverage. Thirsty, Pinhead gladly takes a tall glass of refreshment.] SH: Now, I couldn't quite make out what you were talking about over the phone. Poor cell reception, I take it? Pinhead: Sorry about that. I was at a truck stop and a couple biker's were making Slush dance for his lunch. SH: [sighs] Next thing you're going to tell me is they actually played a song called "Nyquila." Pinhead: So what I was trying to say... [He takes the package and unwraps the blue cloth, revealing the Bastardnomicon, official rulebook of the MBC among other things.] SH: Where in the world did you find that? Pinhead: It was delivered to me. SH: I thought it was lost for good. Pinhead: You know about this thing? SH: Yes, if you were on the MBC Board of Regents, you were schooled in everything about the rulebook. As I'm sure you know, it's no ordinary rulebook. Pinhead: Well it was sent to me along with a message. Whoever sent this is calling for the territories to be unified. There's going to be a show in Dallas... SH: Getting the band back together then? Pinhead: That's what it looks like. I was told that something bad would happen if we couldn't get the territories to work together. SH: Well, I have no issues with working with MBC again. I think this territory can be just as good, if not better, than when it was Bastard Stampede. Pinhead: Glad to hear it. That makes my job a lot easier. SH: So when do they come back to Dallas? Pinhead: [Shrugs] Beats me. I've only made my way through a fifth of the book and I've yet to see anything about it. SH: Well, I'll let everyone know… Jerry in particular. I know he was skeptical when he first signed with MBC, but he definitely found a home there. Pinhead: About Jerry... there's one other thing. [Cliffhanger!!! Fade.] Slush: That son of a bitch! LW: Wow, you just let it fly don’t you? Slush: How dare Pinhead get to sit in a cushy chair while I have to sit here at the kid’s table! No offense. LW: Yeah, I’m pretty offended honestly. Slush: And he gets water! The bastard! LW: We do get bottled water... Slush: I’ve tasted it! It tastes like the Rio Grande River! LW: You’ve tasted the Rio Grande! Slush: Long ago... I was skinny dipping... and well... it tasted bad. I’ll leave it at that. [Lori turns to Stan.] LW: Please tell me we have something to go to. I’m about to lose my lunch. ST: As a matter of fact, we’ve got our next match. LW: Thank the lord. ST: One of the key things to remember about MBC Lone Star is the proximity to Commissioner Harper’s very own Lone Star Academy. LW: Home to many future stars. Slush: Heard it before. Bought the stuff off the infomercial. Next? ST: Despite what certain outsiders may say, MBC Lone Star is very proud to have an association with that school and two of its graduates are here tonight, making their debut. Slush: Oh bother. I need me some honey. LW: How can you think about your stomach? Slush: Not thinking about my stomach baby. I need some different kind of honey. Smoochie, smoochie. [Lori turns to Stan.] LW: Why won’t you make the bad man go away? ____________________________________________ LONE STAR FRIDAY NIGHT WRESTLING GLORIA vs. MICHELLE “FOREVER” YOUNG ____________________________________________ [If Gloria wanted to make a memorable first impression, she didn’t show it. The fans wanted to love her as a Lone Star crowd was almost conditioned to look forward to the new talent that came out of the Academy. But for the lack of a better word, Gloria was a frump. She made eye contact with no one and simply sat down in the corner once she got to the ring. She could care less about being there. She practically had a dark rain cloud over her head. On the other hand, Michelle “Forever” Young was all about perkiness and sunny days. The fans ate it up and Gloria sneered with disgust. If Young could slap the hand of every fan she would, but despite the impossibility of such a thing, she at least tried. Finally the referee motioned for her to enter the ring, to which she gladly did. Once the bell rang, Gloria continued to sit in the corner, glaring at her opponent with the utmost of disdain.] LW: Well... at least she’s consistent... Slush: Kids today... they need to be like her. LW: Frumpy and anti-social? Slush: Exactly! It keeps them out of trouble. [Young was ripping and ready to go, oozing excited energy and waiting for her opponent to come at her. But Gloria just sat there. Young beckoned her to come on but alas, Gloria did not. Young frowned and walked towards Gloria offering up a handshake to show good sportsmanship. Alas, all this got her was a punch to the belly, an uppercut to the chin and a spinebuster to the mat. Gloria’s demeanor went from zero to sixty in just a matter of seconds. She pounded ruthlessly on Young until the referee could finally pull her off. After allowing Young to get to her feet, Gloria went back to work, pounding away on the poor girl. But Gloria made a mistake. She sent Young running for the ropes and in giving Young that space, it allowed Michelle to take to the air.] ST: Gloria readies herself for another spinebuster it looks like... but Young jumps! Flying head scissors takedown! Did you see that speed! LW: In the blink of an eye, Michelle Young may have turned the tables. Slush: Back in my day, we used salt to the eyes to prevent blinking. It was more of a blinding pain, which was nice especially if you were in a blinding rage and you really wanted to [MEEP] somebody up. [Michelle Young uncorked her offense, keeping Gloria constantly on her toes. And when Gloria was actually on her feet she had to deal with Young flying at her and taking her down, be it with a hurricanrana, flying body press or other assorted moves. But Gloria was gutty and took her shots where she could. Eventually those shots were enough to slow the exuberant Young down. Gloria slowly regained control but she herself was slowing down. The match continued on as a brawl but it was one last spark of energy that sent Michelle Young on a tear one more time. Young caught her opponent off guard with a spinning heel kick, dazing the brawler long enough for Young to take her down. When Gloria couldn’t move fast enough to get up, Young went to the corner and in tribute to her hero, UWF wrestler Youth Gone Wild, she executed the Wildflyer. The move landed flawlessly and Young covered for the one, two, three.] WINNER BY PINFALL: Michelle Young ____________________________________________ ST: Fantastic debut by Young and Gloria. In the end, it was Michelle that came away victorious. LW: Like many, she’s a fan of Youth Gone Wild, a UWF legend. She pulled off his twisting moonsault flawlessly Slush: Please, I could do that from my chair. LW: You can? Slush: Just watch! [Slush climbs up into his chair and tries to do the move but he only manages to fall to the floor in a crumpled mess after hitting the side of the table.] Slush: Ow... ST: You did that on purpose didn’t you? LW: Well, I didn’t think it would work. But I don’t regret it. Slush: Medic! [Before the show can move on, “All Fired Up” by Pat Benatar begins to play. The MBC Lone Star crowd knows it well as this particular tune heralds the arrival of Commissioner Stephanie Harper. She comes through the entrance to a loud ovation of cheers. With her is Pinhead. Together, the two walk down the aisle towards the ring, waving to the eager fans.] ST: Perhaps now we'll find out what they were discussing earlier as the cameras faded. [Slush pulls himself back into his chair.] LW: Are you sure you don't know anything? Slush: Listen woman! If I knew anything I'd tell you. LW: You would? Slush: As long as you had cash or a major credit card. LW: That's horrible. Slush: Bedroom pictures are also acceptable. LW: You're horrible. [Pinhead and Harper walks up the ring steps once ringside. Being the gentlemen he is, Pinhead holds the ropes open for the Commissioner, allowing her to step through.] Slush: Pfft, chivalry is never going to get him a woman of Harper's caliber. LW: Being a gentlemen goes a long way. You should try it. Slush: Don't need it sister. I'm my own brand of cool. Chicks look at this [points to himself] and think "I need to get Slushed." ST: Commissioner Harper takes house mic and is ready to speak. Slush: Chicks want their brains Slushed out. LW: Quiet you. SH: Thank you everyone for coming tonight… I hope you are enjoying the show. [The crowd cheers with approval.] SH: As I imagine many of you are aware, MBC is returning to action. [Before Harper can continue the crowd launches into chants.] Crowd: MBC~! MBC~! MBC~! MBC~! MBC~! MBC~! MBC~! MBC~! MBC~! MBC~! MBC~! MBC~! MBC~! MBC~! MBC~! [Harper can't help but smile herself. Pinhead nods with thanks.] SH: And as the commissioner and owner of MBC Lone Star, I can promise you that we will be there in Dallas for the action. [Another huge ovation from the fans.] SH: As members of the MBC family, we'll eagerly cooperate with the other territories but at the same time, I think we can show them who is the best of the best. Don't you? [Yet again, the crowd goes wild.] SH: Now, I had an interesting meeting with Pinhead early today, but I’ll let him explain what we discussed. [Harper hands over the microphone to Pinhead who bows his head in grattitude. The fans instantly start chanting his name.] Crowd: PIN-HEAD~! PIN-HEAD~! PIN-HEAD~! PIN-HEAD~! PIN-HEAD~! PIN-HEAD~! PIN-HEAD~! PIN-HEAD~! PIN-HEAD~! Slush: Wow, your fans are idiots. ST: Not at all. They're extremely loyal. Slush: So's a dog. But they're dumb as rocks. Now a hamster on the other hand... LW: Loyal? Slush: They'll slit your throat for a dollar. Pinhead: Thank you everybody. It's nice to be in front of a sane crowd for once. It's even nicer to be at least ten feet away from Slush for longer than five minutes. [Most cheer. The rest simply nod their head with sympathy.] Slush: It's true. Pinhead: I want to also thank Commissioner Harper for her hospitality and giving me this oppurtunity to... well basically drop a bombshell on you. Obviously you know that the MBC is returning. But there's a twist this time around. It's something I never thought would happen. But here we are, fifteen and a half years in and it's happening. Slush: Get on with it! Pinhead: When the MBC territories all convene in Dallas for the supershow, a special eight man tournament will be held. Each territory will have a representative entered with that eighth spot as a wild card. This tournament is meant to unify the MBC in spirit and will be called the Bastardship of the Ring Tournament. But that's not all. The tournament will merge all the old MBC singles titles. The Grandmaster Typo Championship, the Smash Bash Crucify Championship and all that. They will be merged into the MBC World Heavyweight Championship, one of the most prestigious championships today.. Slush: That's debatable. [The crowd sits shocked and awed.] ST: This is definitely big news. Jerry Titus is the reigning SBC Champion. Will he be representing Lone Star in the tournament? LW: He still has his title defense to get through tonight. Pinhead: It will be up to each territory to determine who will represent them. But if you have an old MBC championship, your chances are good that you're going. Thank you. [Pinhead hands the microphone back over to Stephanie.] SH: Thanks, Pinhead. Now that you know all the details, I can tell you how MBC Lone Star will choose its representative. Tonight, the SBC Championship will be on the line as Jerry “Pure Power” Titus will defend the title against “King Texas” James MAsterson. And because that title is basically the ticket into the tournament, whoever walks away from the SBC Championship match with the title will be the Lone Star representative in the Bastardship of the Ring. [The crowd expected this to be the case but still, they cheer. Harper and Pinhead exit as “All Fired Up” begins to play again.] ST: And just like that, a lot more is on the line tonight in the Main Event. LW: I know Jerry is used to pressure but this... this is big. Slush: Do you want to see something big? LW: Will you trade seats with me? Please? ST: I think I'm good, thanks. Slush: Hey, how come Pinhead gets to go to the back? He should be doing commentary too. ST: Not enough seats out here. Slush: Oh I’d gladly give up mine. LW: I agree with this plan ST: I’m afraid it’s just not in the cards. LW and Slush: Damnit! [The scene fades into a shot of a young, Japanese girl in a short, black gothic lolita-style kimono with violet flower print...and a hell of a lot of hardware. To fans of female wrestling, she is immediately recognizable as one of Miyuki Ozaki's entourage...Michiko. Atop her head of gorgeous honey brown hair is Ozaki's "Queen of Osaka" tiara. In her right arm, she cradles two "Female Wrestler of the Year" plaques for 2010 and 2011. A piece of masking tape has been conveniently placed over the nameplates and "MICHIKO!" has been written in magic marker over it. In her left arm, she holds the trophy awarded to the 2010 winner of the Angels & Amazons rumble. On her body, she wears a "Miss Germany" beauty queen sash that was last seen on her fellow dojomate, Ayako. There's a smug look on her face as she faces the camera.] Michiko: (I was sent here for only one purpose...to find the Bastard om nom nom nom.) [Pause.] Michiko: (Or whatever the hell it's called.) [She scoffs at the idea, nevertheless.] Michiko: (A book? Do I look like someone who will be merely satisfied with finding a dumb book? NO! I will conquer MBC Lone Star and reign over you all as the supreme master and ruler of El Paso, Texas, like I was always destined to be!) [Really? Someone is destined to be the supreme master and ruler of El Paso, Texas?] Michiko: (The West Texas championship? It will be mine! The Smash Bash Crucify championship? It will be mine! Whatever weird name they'll give the women's title? It will be mine! MBC Lone Star? Mine! Mine! Mine!!!) [She flashes a smile that just slightly borders on the side of deranged.] Michiko: (Susie Green, I have a vague idea of who you are and what you look like, and that's more than enough to pose a problem for you! Do you think your inferior sense of fashion, fat thighs, and subpar haircut can stop Michiko's ascent to the top?) [A snort.] Michiko: (As if!) [Michiko puts down the trophy and the plaques, leaning in closer towards the camera.] Michiko: (Your ruined pride will just be another trophy added to my vast, vast, vast, vast, vast, vast, vast...) [Deep breath.] Michiko: (...vast, vast, VAST collection!) [Michiko proceeds to crane her neck and slightly pulls open her kimono, revealing a "2008 Ogaki Sakura High School Spelling Bee champion" gold medal.] Michiko: (Jealous? You SHOULD be.) [A devious smile crosses her painted lips. It's about now that you notice that shade of pink really works well for her.] Michiko: (Realize right now, that you will _never_ be this good.) [The faux greatest female wrestler in the world throws her head back and cackles at your despair.] Michiko: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! [She sighs happily.] Michiko: (So...) [There's a slight look of uncertainty on Michiko's face as she looks around.] Michiko: (...have any of you seen that book?) [Fade out.] Slush: That book is overrated. There isn’t even a place to color in it. LW: How is it that Michiko can be so wrapped up in awards and think she’s the best in the world? ST: I find it interesting that I couldn’t really find any match history on her. Slush: But she’s the best! Did you not see the hardware? LW: She could be the best for all we know but I won’t buy it until I see her wrestle and prove it. Slush: Oh... you’re one of _those_ people. LW: “Those” people? Slush: Evidence wanters. LW: I don’t think that’s beyond the realm of reason. Slush: Pfft... reason. So overrated. ST: Either way, we’re about to see if Michiko can back up her claim. ____________________________________________ LONE STAR FRIDAY NIGHT WRESTLING “SCREECHIN” SUSIE GREEN vs. MICHIKO ____________________________________________ [Susie Green was never the type to play to the fans. She always had her own way, her own look. Walking from the entrance way, she flaunted her newly styled green mohawk and grinned at the women in the first row as if to say “yeah, you wish you could rock this.” Then those women sneered. Then Susie looked at the men and said “you know you want some of this action.” Susie, if nothing else, was confident. And she knew deep down that she could take Michiko down a couple notches. So she entered the ring and waited.] Slush: [MEEP] damn that mohawk is hot! LW: I don’t see how you can find that attractive. Name one good thing about it. Slush: Her head is so aerodynamic now. The mohawk is like a tail fin on a classic Ford or Chevy! [As Green and the Lone Star audience waited, Michiko’s entrance seemed to be rather problematic. It wasn’t so much a technical malfunction however. Michiko was rather intent on carrying out every single one of her awards to the ring with her. Fans reached out in hopes of slapping hands with her but Michiko shrunk away, screaming at the fans not to touch her awards. Once she was at the ring, the ring attendant tried to help her with her hardware but Michiko screamed like a two year old who was having her blanket taken away from her. Michiko admonished the attendant for even looking at her awards and put them on a specifically setup table for the awards. Michiko set the awards down one by one, with great care and love.] Slush: Come to think of it, that ring attendant does look rather shifty. LW: She’s the leader of a Girl Scout troop. Slush: EXACTLY! Those cookies are a part of a grand conspiracy. Forget the CIA or the Russians. JFK was taken out by Thin Mints! [Once in the ring, Michiko readied herself for the match, pulling the ropes and using them to stretch. And once the bell rang, Michiko slid back out, screaming to the referee and demanding that Green be checked for weapons. Green protested but the referee acquiesed to Michiko’s demand. Clean of wepaons, Michiko slid back into the ring... only to slide back out, demanding that the referee check Green’s boots. This process repeated at least three more times. And when Michiko was finally satisfied that Green was weapons free, she slid back into the ring... only to do stretching exercises.] LW: You’ve got to be kidding me. Slush: I’m liking this girl’s work ethic. She is leaving nothing to chance. ST: All she is doing is making Green angry. Slush: Well unless Susie is gamma irradiated and 400 pounds, it won’t much matter. [Having enough, Green charged, going right after the smaller Japanese woman. Michiko ran for her life like one would expect and thanks to her smaller size, she was much faster than the rampaging Green. Michiko slid back into the ring, only to bait Susie. Michiko struck like a rabid badger high on the very best of methanphetamines. Michiko managed to get in an impressive offense but she didn’t maintain it. This wasn’t because she’s couldn’t hold it. Rather she wanted to brag and then check on the status of her awards. She gave the stink eye to the innocent ring attendant and turned back to the ring, only to get sideswiped by Green.] LW: Here we go. Green isn’t going to put up with any more of these hijinks. ST: Green is really letting Michiko have it. LW: I expected more from a woman who claims to be the best women’s wrestler in the world. Slush: And I expect more from my morning oatmeal. But you know what? We deal with what life gives us. Not everything can have cinnamon swirls. [Green tosses Michiko into the ring and followed, only to dominate the young woman even more. Michiko tried to get away but Green was so persistant there was little she could do. Much to her relief, it was the referee that came to her rescue. Green took her anger a little too far and started pulling hair. The referee interjected himself, allowing Michiko to crawl underneath the ref’s legs and hide behind him. Green tried to get at her but the awkwardness of the referee prevented her from doing so. Green expressed her anger but this gave Michiko the opening she needed.] LW: Good lord! What a vicious rake to the eyes! Slush: Ooh, kitty has nails! ST: Green is in incredible pain and Michiko... MICHIKO HITS THE MICHI-BAN! LW: Out of nowhere with that move! And wow,so devastating! ST: Michiko covers! One... Two... Three!! LW: Seriously? That’s it? Slush: Wow... I think I’ve met the future Mrs. Slush. WINNER BY PINFALL: Michiko ____________________________________________ ST: This crowd is booing her heavily for such a disgraceful win. LW: And now she’s got her awards inside the ring and is parading them...SHE JUST NAILED GREEN IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH ONE OF THEM! Slush: She’s almost the perfect woman. Can you set me up with her Betty? LW: No, why would I do that? Slush: Because my happiness is the most important thing in the world to you. ST: The referee is ordering Michiko away and she’s only really leaving so she can play with her awards. This match was a complete travesty if you ask me. Slush: Do not besmerch the future Mrs. Michiko Danza! I will not stand for it! ST: Stay tuned fans, we’ll be right back after these commercial messages. [Fade up from black, to a red and silver logo MBC logo with the words "Alamo City" written underneath them. "Shake It Out" by Florence And The Machine plays in the background as the logo pushes towards the camera and then dissolves into footage from the latest MBC:AC events. A voiceover talks over top...] "Looking for the most competitive pro wrestling action in Texas?" [Cut to a wide shot of the Harrison-Skoel Arena, banners hanging overhead; "The bumps. The bruises." [The Second City Roughnecks spike an opponent into the canvas with a piledriver; "Overkill" Joey Malone trades chops with Quinn Murray, leaving welts on their chests; Kyra Braddock lands the KOKORO Cutter; Stan "The Man" Fox drills Jesse Roucka with a Death Valley Driver.] "The athletes..." [Jamie Kidd hits a twisting 450 splash from the top rope; "Big Time" Bradley Rose lifts someone over his head with a gorilla press; Rachel "Arcee" Carlisle drops a Cordova with the Voodoo Mama DDT.] "Come to the Alamo City for the rich tradition that only MBC can bring you!" [Cut to a gratuitous shot of valet Sugar grinding on the ringpost; then we see Quinn Murray and Cornelius Gore break the arm of "Hollywood" Cody Jones.] "MBC: Alamo City... Every Saturday Night!" [One final shot of Danny Holden clutching the Southwest Championship belt in his hands, and we fade to black.] |
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Everything I learned about soccer, I learned from Dro. You are to refer to Katie as "The Duchess of Der Basterdmusen" as of June 2014. She'll get angry if you don't. You've been warned. | |
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7:20 PM Jul 10