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[MBC] Unnamed Bastard Show - 2/24/12 - HOUR TWO
Topic Started: Mar 7 2012, 02:05 PM (172 Views)
MBCKyle
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The Soda Dog Refreshment Squad
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Fade from commercial...

We cut to backstage where the MBC Smash Bash Crucify champion Jerry "Pure Power" Titus leans against the wall. He is dressed in his wrestling attire and the title belt rests over his shoulder.]

JT: It could have been easy for me to stick around in UWF after I won that North American title -- but I had developed something I never thought I'd ever have -- loyalty to MBC.

So I vacated the UWF belt and stuck by my intentions to defend this title.

[He pats the belt on his shoulder.]

JT: Then it seemed all was lost with MBC -- until now.

I'd been working for Japan when my aunt contacted me. Told me she could use some help in her new territory -- and little would I realize that territory was one of the remnants of MBC.

So here I am -- ready to defend this title once again.

And James Masterson awaits me tonight.

I understand Masterson comes from a wrestling family just as I do. So I'm certain he knows his craft very well.

And with the announcement that the winner goes on to compete in a tournament for the MBC World title, there's a lot more at stake now.

Well, Masterson, I'm sure you want to do your family proud -- but so do I.

[A slight smile.]

JT: And given that I have family running things down here -- I've got more incentive not to disappoint them.

[Fade out and back to the arena.

The Lone Star cameras cut directly to the small stage near the entrance way. Standing atop the stage are two individuals. One is a monster of a man, dressed in a black polo shirt and white slacks. Despite the lighting, despite the unkind forms of his clothes, it's easy to tell that this man has the chiseled form of a god.

He is "King Texas" Jams Masterson.

Next to him is a smaller man, not so reserved and not so chiseled. He hops around like a spring,
eager to get the attention of all that may be within view. This is Masterson's manager Elias Cooley.]

EC: Listen up, lisen up you screw heads. The King is here, the king is here, ready to lay down his proclamation of his word. So lend your ear, put down that beer, bask in the fear! Anything
else would surely be absurd!

[Cooley jumps around a few more times before Masterson forcefully takes away the house microphone, like a parent scolding a child. When the camera comes close he points right at it.]

KTJM: The facts are simple.

[Masterson flashes up his index finger.]

KTJM: One, I am the superior athlete here in Lone Star. Even a blind man can see that this form,
this physique is at the mountain top while every one else here is clawing their way out of the
primordial ooze.

[Masterson then flashes up a second finger.]

KTJM: Two, I have the skill and the power passed down to me by my father and his father before
him. My father was the King and his father was the King before him. Not only am I royalty but I am excellence personified.

[Then comes the third finger.]

KTJM: Three, Jerry Titus may wear that title around his waist. Titus may have gone to battle to
win it, but he's never been in the ring with me. Not only can he expect a battle. He can expect a
war. That is the creed bore on the flags of my fathers.

[Then comes the pinky.]

KTJM: Fourth and most importantly, I will be the champion. I will be the representative of MBC
Lone Star and I will achieve my destiny when I win the MBC World Heavyweight Championship.

You will hail the conquering hero.

[Without looking at what direction he's throwing it, Masterson tosses the microphone and begins
to walk away. Cooley catches it but not without fumbling it a few times. Once he has it in hand,
he stands proud to give a final word.]

EC: Your _King_ _has_ spoken_!

[Cooley holds out the microphone directly in front of him and drops it, drumline style. There's
an audible thud over the sound system. Cooley pounds his chest and follows after his King. The cameras then cut back to ringside where the commentators stand ready. Or sit. Really, they’re sitting. Slush has a quizzical look on his face.]

Slush: So you let the other territories advertise on your show?

LW: Their money is just as good as anyone else’s.

Slush: Alamo City... why do I suspect something very disturbing about that place?

LW: It’s run by To...

[Stan nudges Lori with his elbow to silence her. She looks at him and realizes it’ll be much more fun when Slush realizes who runs Alamo City all on his own.]

ST: For those of you unaware, you just saw Jerry Titus, the top star here in MBC Lone Star and the reigning MBC Smash Bash Crucify Champion. Also, you saw James Masterson, a young man in peak physical condition.

LW: How the Hell did you people name your damn titles?

Slush: There’s an online archive, woman! Look it up your damn self!

ST: Titus is a consummate professional so despite the pressure, he will be prepared to face James Masterson tonight. Whoever walks away from the match as SBC Champion will represent MBC Lone Star in Dallas.

Slush: There are easier ways to figure that out.

LW: Such as?

Slush: I don’t know... crapping on a stick and throwing it?

LW: …

Slush: I take it that look of abject terror you have on your face means you’re falling in love with me. It’s only natural. Let it happen Betty. Let it happen.

ST: Before we get that far, we do have another match to get to. Old Bastard Stampede rivals Tyler Tucker and Takashi Komatsu face off.

LW: Give me a second... I’m feeling a little sick...

Slush: Morning sickness? I knew my seed was potent but damn! Not that potent!

LW: You’re only making it worse!

ST: Tyler Tucker is very much a lightning rod for controversy here in Lone Star. He left Bastard Stampede as the West Texas Heavyweight Champion, a feat that should definitely not be overlooked.

Slush: Like my ability to knock up Betty... with my mind!

ST: However, this is not Bastard Stampede despite much of the infrastructure being the same. The West Texas Championship is not recognized by Lone Star. But that hasn’t stopped Tucker from showing the belt off.

Slush: Maybe I knocked her up via my awesome sense of smell. Is that how I did it Betty?

LW: My name is not Betty!

Slush: That’s just the pregnancy hormones talking Betty. It’ll be all right. The first trimester is always the worst.

ST: I really can’t compete with this... let’s just get to the match.

____________________________________________
LONE STAR FRIDAY NIGHT WRESTLING

TYLER TUCKER vs. TAKASHI KOMATSU
____________________________________________

[The normally boisterous Takashi Komatsu didn’t quite have the same amount of pop he usually does. It wasn’t that he was lethargic. It was more a function of the fact that his focus was entirely on taking Tyler Tucker down a peg or two. More accurately, he probably wanted to take Tucker down a peg or ten. Such was the disfavor that Tucker had fallen into. Many of the wrestles in the back were eagerly watching this match to see if TK would be the one to make Tyler eat crow. The fans greeted TK and he in turn acknowledged them, thanking them for the support. But his gaze was locked to the entrance way.]

ST: Takashi is quite an accomplished wrestler, lets not forget that. In fact, in the initial tournament that crowned the first Bastard Stampede West Texas Championship, he went fairly deep.

Slush: That’s what she said! HIGH FIVE!

LW: Really?

Slush: Yes really! I heard her!

LW: Heard who?

Slush: Heard “her.”

LW: Who is “her”?

Slush: Betty, my genius is lost on you.

LW: And may it never be found.

[His father Dave Tucker leading the way, Tyler Tucker marched out of the entrance way gladly wearing the highly polished West Texas Heavyweight Championship around his waist. His arrogance radiated brightly, setting the fans into a frenzy. Tyler smiled as he strutted to the ring, all the while keeping his nose upturned at the masses who hated him. He flaunted that same persona in the ring, disregarding Takashi as nothing more as his next stepping stone.]

ST: Tucker is demanding the referee show the proper respect to the West Texas Championship.

LW: And he’s wanting him to hold the belt up as if it were on the line.

Slush: It’s rather nicely polished. Must have used a lot of spit for that.

LW: i think the referee is raising it up just to humor him.

ST: Or avoid trouble.

[Niceties out of the way, the ref started the match. Takashi moved forward looking for a lockup but Tucker struck first with a knee lift and followed that up with a European uppercut. Tucker strong armed Komatsu to the corner and started tearing his opponent down, never giving him a single moment to breath. But Komatsu, even in a space without breath, struck back, catching the arrogant Tucker by surprise. TK was not going to go down this easily. The two brawled, moving from corner to corner, all the while trying to gain some sort of advantage. None was to be had in the early goings of this match.]

ST: Komatsu dumps Tucker over the top rope but the champ lands on his feet.

LW: The champ?

ST: Force of habit.

Slush: Sounds like you need a 12 step program.

ST: Tucker reaches under the ropes and grabs Komatsu’s feet!

[Violently and suddenly, Tucker pulled Komatsu’s feet out from under him, forcing TK to fall flat on his back. Tucker yanked TK out of the ring and slapped on a sleeper hold. Komatsu struggled mightily, managing to ram Tucker backwards into the ring apron. The two continued to brawl, interchanging moments of tossing one another into both the guardrail and the ring steps. They alternated getting back into the ring to stop the count. The referee was extremely lenient with the two wrestlers, fearing getting caught up in their fervor. Eventually the two did come back inside the ring, but the match remained just as wild.]

ST: We’re not seeing a lot of technical wrestling here. But we’re getting exactly what we expected, a lot of hard nose brawling.

LW: Tucker is one of those few people who can back up their arrogance with action. Unfortunately, he’s good and he knows it.

Slush: We’re a small but proud people.

LW: No way you can back up your talk.

Slush: Oh I can back it up. Just watch me.

LW: Okay, I’m watching.

Slush: Oh.... so you like to watch huh?

[Komatsu forced Tucker to the corner and worked him over relentlessly, focusing on the midsection. But Tucker gutted it out and managed to turn the table with a well placed thumb to the eye. Tucker shoved TK to the corner and started to attack the knee. After repeated warnings from the referee, Tucker sent Komatsu out from the corner but quickly followed it up with a knee breaker. Komatsu continued to fight but Tucker did not let up on that knee. Just as Tucker thought he had the match won, Komatsu let loose a last minute flury of offense. But in trying to execute a vertical suplex, his knee buckled and Tucker came down on top of him. Tucker hooked the leg with the bad knee and managed to keep the pin for the count of three.]

WINNER BY PINFALL: Tyler Tucker
____________________________________________


ST: And Tucker walks away yet again with a win.

LW: For all his faults, the man can wrestle pretty damn well.

ST: And there he walks away from the ring holding up that West Texas Championship belt.

Slush: So why would someone want to be the champion of West Texas? It’s not like your women are especially hot.

LW: Hey now! I take offense to that.

Slush: Sorry Betty. You may be hot for El Paso. But you’re nothing compared to the women of.... Hell... anywhere.

[Lori turns to Stan.]

LW: Can I hit him Stan? Can I?

ST: You’re a grown woman Lori. You can make your own decisions. However...

LW: Yes?

ST: Do you really want to touch him.

LW: Good point.

ST: I’m being told we need to cut to one of our camera crews backstage.

Slush: Did they unlock Al Capone’s vault?

[We cut to backstage where MBC Lone Star Commissioner Stephanie Harper is talking to a couple of production assistants. It's at this point that Tyler Tucker, fresh from coming back from his match, approaches the commissioner.]

TT: Harper, you and I need to talk.

SH: What did you want, Tyler?

TT: I'm pretty sure I've already made that clear. I want a spot in the title tournament, I deserve a spot in that title tournament.

SH: I already made the decision regarding who would represent us in the tournament. It's between Jerry Titus and James Masterson in the main event tonight.

TT: It should be me fighting for that chance in the tournament. I've defeated everybody I've faced in Bastard Stampede, I'm the West Texas Champion, even you can't be dim enough to miss that.

SH: Jerry holds the Smash Bash Crucify championship and certainly belongs in the main event. And I determined James was the top contender.

TT: Except of course that as West Texas Champion, I'm the number one contender not James Masterson.

SH: I'm not going to change the match or add anyone else. I'm not here to feed anyone's ego.

TT: And I'm not here to be [MEEP]ed around by some toerag, who's more interested in playing favorites then doing the right thing. As I'm clearly not going to get a fair shake from you Ms Harper, I'll see if one of your competitors is more reasonable.

SH: Well, that's your decision -- but the match tonight will remain as it is.

TT: Here's hoping you end up regretting it.

[With that, Tucker departs. Cut back to the arena.]

Slush: That dude has some balls!

ST: And like that, it looks like Tyler Tucker is leaving MBC Lone Star.

LW: I’m not going to fault his logic necessarily. He’s one of the top stars we have here. He was definitely worthy of consideration for being the top contender. However, that West Texas title just doesn’t carry the weight he thinks it does.

ST: It’ll be a shame to lose him.

LW: But it gives the rest of the roster less to complain about.

Slush: Trust me when I say, there will be always something to bitch about.

LW: Of all the things I could trust you on, that would be the one single thing.

Slush: For fun, I could create a “Things to Bitch About” Topic wheel. Spin it and wherever it lands, its open season.

LW: I don’t really think that’ll be necessary.

Slush: It could include such topics as Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, Beastie Scouts...

LW: Beastie Scouts?

Slush: ...Pepsi Zero, Gideon Bibles and scorpions.

LW: Scorpions?

Slush: Did you know those little bastards will sting the [MEEP] out of you?

LW: Ummm... yes?

Slush: Damnit Betty! Why didn’t you share? Do you not love me anymore?

LW: There was _NEVER_ a point where I loved you.

Slush: That’s it. We are done!

LW: Thank God! You’re leaving now right?

Slush: No. I’m going to linger just to show you what you’re going to miss.

LW: [MEEP].

ST: Regardless, the time has come for the main event. We’ve talked at length already of what this match means to MBC Lone Star and the MBC has a whole.

Slush: I always found the MBC to be a hole...

ST: I don’t know who the other territories will send as their representatives to this tournament. nor do I know what sort of person will fill this wild card spot.

Slush: My money says the wild card will be a mountain lion. Or a beached blue whale.

LW: In Dallas?

Slush: Lake Ray Hubbard has catfish the size of a Buick. Based on that, I believe anything is possible. Except me tolerating anybody related to Tom Landis in this life or the next.

ST: But I am confident that with either Titus or Masterson, MBC Lone Star has one of the best possible wrestlers to represent us and our interests.

Slush: THESE COLORS DON’T RUN LANDIS!

LW: If you flash the stars and bars, I swear to God I’m going to punch you.

Slush: So... you’re into that?

____________________________________________
LONE STAR FRIDAY NIGHT WRESTLING

SMASH BASH CRUCIFY CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
JERRY TITUS ( c ) vs. JAMES MASTERSON
____________________________________________

[To watch it, you would think he was a clown leading a bull. Elias Cooley was many things but calm and reserved were not two of them. As he lead his charge James Masterson to the ring, he danced from one side of the aisle to the other, telling the crowd his man was the best. He shouted that Masterson would rule them all for yes, he was the King of Texas. Meanwhile, Masterson followed behind, permanent scowl on his face and eyes affixed on taking the SBC Championship from Jerry Titus. More importantly, he wanted to be the one to represent Lone Star in Dallas.]

Slush: What is that dude on?

LW: I’ve often said that myself.

Slush: I want what he’s having!

LW: That... not so much.

[Anchored in the ring like a mighty oak, Masterson waited. Then came the entrance of the champion. None had achieved greater popularity in Lone Star than the man who entered the arena. With the SBC Championship slung over his shoulder, Jerry “Pure Power” Titus marched to the ring, arm extended to the fans. He was of course thankful for the cheers the fans gave him but he knew that to lose focus now would effect his performance in the ring. And that, above all else would disappoint the fans. He entered the ring, handed the belt over to the referee and immediately stood toe to toe with Masterson. Rarely had stare downs been more filled with tension.]

Slush: Are they reading each others minds?

LW: Why would they be doing that?

Slush: I don’t know. Who is to say that people in El Paso haven’t developed some sort of strange mutant powers, like telekinesis or... chess boxing.

LW: You are ridiculous.

Slush: And you make me miss my hamster.

[There was no trash talking between the two. It simply wasn’t their style. But as tension mounted one would have to make the first move. Letting his unjustified anger get to him, that first move came from Masterson who swung with a haymaker. Titus blocked and fired back. Soon the two were punching away at one another, rocking the ring with the successive impacts. The two locked up to battle for power and from there, the match was indisputably a showcase and battle for strength.]

ST: Masterson and Titus are two high energy guys.

Slush: Not compared to Cooley.

ST: Both men are front loading their attacks with as much power as possible in order to do the most damage. Surely, this methodology will backfire for one of them.

Slush: Or both. They could like... spontaneous collapse on themselves.

LW: …

Slush: What? What did I say?

LW: I don’t know... I kind of felt a “Timecop” joke coming somewhere in there.

Slush: No. But today’s “Timecop” is yesterday’s “Highlander.” Who knows, tomorrow I’ll be beating the dead horse with “Commando” or “How Stella Got Her Groove Back” references.

LW: Is that your entire catalog?

Slush: No. I’m currently working on a “Waiting to Exhale” joke series that’ll knock em dead.

[For all his power, Titus generally showed a little more restraint with his opponents. Not with his power itself but with what he was willing to do with that power. It was that extra bit of brutality that, while he likely had it, he didn’t use. Masterson on the other hand, had no such reservations. This brutality lead to King Texas taking the lead in the match, forcing Titus to the corner. After weakening the champ there, Titus started a series of suplexes to further bring the champion under control. It was all a matter of softening Titus’ back and neck up in order to put him away with the Lone Star Royal.]

ST: This is very typical of Masterson’s style. He’s methodical in how he attacks those specific areas. Sometimes you just can see it due to how powerful he comes across. The more he works, the more likely it is you’ll not be able to withstand his devastating finisher.

Slush: Has anybody ever told you how generic you are?

LW: Has anybody ever told you that you’re an ass?

Slush: Just call me Donkey, baby!

LW: Gladly.

[Titus of course was not going to be softened up that easily. Titus mounted a comeback, surprising Masterson with a flurry of haymakers. Jerry took to the ropes and hit a dropckick on the rebound. Masterson was quick to get up to his feet but Titus threw him up and over with a release German suplex. While power was still very prominent, the match became less about brutality and more about finesse, to which, Titus had in abundance in comparison to Masterson. Fatigue for Masterson began to show, especially as Titus overwhelmed him with powerful attack after powerful attack.]

ST: Titus really coming on strong here. Showing why he’s champion.

LW: People forget the kind of training he’s had. He can give you some technical love when he wants to.

Slush: Ah... technical love. I once loved an IPad. But the bitch betrayed me!

ST: Titus going for a full nelson suplex but Masterson fighting it! King Texas escapes and slips around... sleeper hold on Titus!

[The hold was cinched in and Masterson showed no signs of letting Titus loose any time soon. Masterson’s hold was so clean and efficient that Titus began to show signs of its effects almost immediately. The fans cried for Titus to stay awake but he was fading fast. The referee raised the champion’s arm once and it fell. The ref raised Titus’ arm a second time and once again it fell. But the third? Not so much.]

ST: Titus is alive! And now he’s fighting back! An elbow to Masterson’s breadbasket!

LW: Jerry’s free and... no... he just got a boot to the stomach! James has him doubled over and...

ST: Lone Star Royal! Good lord what an impact!

Slush: You know what Lone Star Royal sounds like? A bad homemade beer. Made with... I don’t know... Funions.

ST: Masterson knows this could be it. He covers and hooks a leg!

One...






Two...





TITUS POWERS OUT!

Slush: Don’t you mean... Pure Powers out! HIGH FIVE! Anyone? Anyone? [MEEP] you all!

[As his fellow commentators leave Slush high and dry, the crowd goes wild for Titus’ revival. Masterson curses loudly, loud enough for the production crew to bleep him out. Masterson pulls Titus to his feet and prepares to execute another Lone Star Royal. But just as King Texas is about to hoist Titus into the air, Titus takes Masterson’s feet out from under him. Masterson hits the mat hard. With James’ legs still in hand, Titus throws himself backwards, catapulting Masterson from the middle of the ring and straight into a corner.]

ST: Titus on the offensive! He’s in that corner and driving it home!

LW: Masterson backed to the corner and Titus is climbing up to further take it to Masterson! But low blow by King Texas! Titus is ailing and leaning over the top rope.

ST: Here comes Masterson. He’s using Titus’ position on the ropes to set Titus up for another Lone Star Royal! He’s pulling him out to the center of the ring! What strength!

LW: He can’t hold it! Titus escapes! Masteson spins around but gets scooped up!

ST: PURELY POWERFUL! There was no way Masterson could escape that! Titus hits it and covers!

One...







Two...






Three!!! It’s over!

WINNER BY PINFALL AND STILL CHAMPION:
Jerry Titus
____________________________________________

ST: This match is over and we know who will be representing MBC Lone Star in Dallas! It’s your MBC Smash Bash Crucify Champion, Jerry “Pure Power” Titus!

LW: I can’t think of anybody better to showcase us.

Slush: Oh... that’s how it is Betty.

LW: What is it that you’re talking about now?

Slush: You have the hots for Titus over there. I see how it is. I have eyes. To see with.

LW: What are you blathering about?

Slush: It’s allright Betty. You’ve turned your back on me for the younger and may I say, much, much uglier Jerry Titus.

LW: Huh?

Slush: You had your chance Betty. If you liked it, you should have put a ring on it. I bid you... farewell.

[And with a dramatic flare that only fifth graders can pull off, Slush stands, throws down his headset and leaves.]

LW: I wasn’t even trying to get rid of him then. I was just giving Jerry Titus a compliment.

ST: Are you complaining?

LW: Certainly not.

ST: Ladies and gentlemen, we thank you for joining us on this MBC Lone Star telecast. For all of us here in El Paso, we’ll see you next time!

[Cue the closing music. Cue the final shot of the crowd...

...and then cue the text that reads: “AFTER THE SHOW”]

Guard #1: I still don’t get the Doctor Who thing.

Guard #2: How can you still not get it? I’ve explained it five times already tonight.

[And it’s back to the outside. The two guards from earlier in the show are still standing at the main entrance. A familiar motorcycle sits parked nearby.]

Guard #1: I guess I’d just have to watch the show. Or you’ll have to explain it to me differently.

Guard #2: What if I compared it to “Highlander”?

Guard #1: TV show or the movies? And which movies? The first one? Or the bad one?

Guard #2: Weren’t they all bad?

Guard #1: It’s a “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon” thing. But... “Six Degrees of Highlander Suck”

[Yes, Highlander humor is immortal. Yet, there is no head to cut off. Such is our curse. Fortunately, Slush and Pinhead return to the parking area, arguing as always.]

Slush: It was a nightmare dude! I had to like... sit there and work.

Pinhead: It’s called a job Slush. That’s your profession.

Slush: But Betty had cooties. And I may have got her knocked up.

Pinhead: How?

Slush: With my mind!

[So you have to ask yourself? Which conversation is worse?]

Guard #2: We’ve got your bike ready to go.

Pinhead: Appreciate it. I hope Slush wasn’t too much trouble.

Guard #1: I’ve already heard the words “lifetime ban” bandied about.

Pinhead: That’s about normal.

[Pinhead climbs aboard the motorcycle and turns over the engine. Slush sighs and climbs into the sidecar.]

Guard #1: Where are you guys heading to next?

Pinhead: San Antonio.

Guard #2: Ought to be a fun ride.

Pinhead: Until next time gentlemen.

Slush: Wait... what’s in San Antonio?

[Pinhead gets the bike moving. Still, we hear Slush talking...]

Slush: I know... there’s something in San Antonio I don’t like... something I... hate...

[The motorcycle pulls away but even over its loud engine, we can hear that immortal Slush catchphrase...]

Slush: I HATE TOM LANDIS!!!

[And then the guards are left alone.]

Guard #1: Mind if I go smoke?

Guard #2: Go for it. We’re on cruise control now.

[The first guard steps away so he can get his nicotine fix in. With the coast clear, the second guard pulls out his cell phone and dials. After a few rings, it answers.]

Guard #2: Hey, its me. [Pause] Yes, they just left. [Pause] I can confirm thy had the book

[Another pause but with a longer question.]

Guard #2: No, I didn’t see anybody trying to take the book. but I don’t think anybody was expecting them to show up here so soon.

[Pause]

Guard #2: Understood, sir. I’ll pass word along.

[And the final pause.]

Guard #2: All hail H.O.D.!

[And then we fade to the sweet merciful black of the El Paso night.]
Everything I learned about soccer, I learned from Dro.

You are to refer to Katie as "The Duchess of Der Basterdmusen" as of June 2014. She'll get angry if you don't. You've been warned.
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