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| [bannedsycho] TOP OF THE WORLD, MOM! | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: May 20 2012, 11:10 PM (138 Views) | |
| sychosys | May 20 2012, 11:10 PM Post #1 |
This Space For Rent
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[In one of the most luxurious bathrooms you'll ever find, the sound of the waterfall splashing into the bathtub overlays a majestic Rachmaninoff symphony playing in the background. Hanging from the inside of the bathtub, staring at the camera with a bottle of champagne in his left hand, and an out-of-place top hat hanging off of his head at a dangerous angle is the obviously inebriated manager of Royalty, Joe Petrow.] JP: Waterfall in the damned bathtub! The kind of class that you can *only* find at the Peninsula Hotel. Maybe I can convince Mr. Langseth that we should just chill out in Tokyo for awhile, and enjoy the fruits of our labor. Last I saw Mr. Langseth, the hardest working champion in the business, after *another* successful title defense, he was heading out with three geisha to a "special, private, and interactive tour of the Sunshine City Aquarium". Dammit people, he's the AWA National Champion, and he's *earned* the right to celebrate and unwind in any manner he sees fit, without any of you judging him! I'd just like to take this opportunity to thank the folks at EMO for the tremendous hospitality they've shown us. The pleasure was *ours*, and I hope that selling out the Budokan for you guys for the first time made it worth your while. The fact is, like our trip to Maine, we came here to give something back to wrestling! For the longest time, the only places where a guy could wrestle in Japan, was either the gory hell of Death Japan, the place that turned my former associate into a walking freak show, or Tiger Paw Pro Wrestling. Tiger Paw's owner, Yoshiaki Taguchi, of the dreaded and feared Taguchi-gumi, drove out every other honest promoter with his underhanded, underworld ways. And once he became the only game in town, his buck-toothed son Yoshinari became a wrestler. And he beat and beat up everyone he faced for years, probably because the Japanese guys all feared winning more than losing. The *only* guy to ever beat Yoshinari Taguchi was The American Mastodon. And that's why the man only has nine toes today. But the powers that be have finally started cracking down on the yakuza, and Masayoshi Son took a chance at forming a company that wrestlers would be proud to associate with! The samurai spirit of competition, *without* the baggage of the past! Evolution Minus One! And thanks to the clout of the AWA, and the AWA National Champion, I think that the tide has turned! Someday soon, that moron son's thug style of wrestling will be no more! And all of you will have YOUR AWA NATIONAL CHAMPION...and myself, Joe Petrow...to thank for it! You're welcome! [Petrow reaches over and slaps a button, sending up a frothy foam from the jacuzzi jets, and leans back, letting the waterfall knock off his top hat and drench his face. The bottle of champagne he holds now tipped and spilling into the tub, the video fades out on this ridiculous scene...] |
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11:34 AM Jul 13