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| [MBC] Unnamed Bastard Show Episode 4 Hour One | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jun 13 2012, 12:48 PM (336 Views) | |
| MBCKyle | Jun 13 2012, 12:48 PM Post #1 |
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The Soda Dog Refreshment Squad
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FOR SO IT HAS EVER BEEN IN THE UNIVERSE... [We fade from darkness...] ...EVERY BEGINNING INEVITABLY HAS ITS ENDING... [It is dusk. The skies above sit between day and night, casting an eerie light over the city of New Orleans. Residents have always felt a supernatural connection to this jewel of the Mississippi. Or maybe they just like the food.] ...EVERY ENDING BEGETS A NEW BEGINNING... [Our view pans down to reveal a row of warehouses packed tightly together and sadly, in these depressed economic times, in disuse... save one.] ...AS LIFE EVOLVES. CHANGE IS INEVITABLE... [A crowd, large in size, varied in composition, stands in front of one such warehouse.] ...BUT A PRIMAL INSTINCT DRAWS BACK TO THE ORIGIN... [Standing on top of a soap box, largely being ignored is a familiar face...] ...THE ORIGIN OF BASTARDISM... [He’s a little pudgy and more than a little bald. One hand is straight in front of him, his fingers spread like a fan. His eyes look to the cosmos, locked onto a far distant object that may only exist to him.] ...THE ORIGIN OF EVERYTHING! Slush: Am I crazy... Pinhead: You want me to answer that? Slush: ...or is this guy following us? Pinhead: Could be. I don’t know. Slush: So, why are we here, standing here and doing nothing? Are we waiting for somebody to drive up in a truck and hire us to do lawn work? Or be nannies? Pinhead: No, there’s a wrestling show going on around here. Slush: Oh, the Underground thing... right. [Pinhead and Slush stand for a moment in awkward silence. Slush kicks a pebble away from himself, offended that it decided it could enter his sphere of influence.] Slush: So explain the Bastard Underground thing to me again. Pinhead: Seriously? I’ve already explained in like.... ten times. Slush: Only five. But I think it’ll only take one more time, I promise. [Pause.] Slush: Twice at most. [Pinhead sighs and rubs his temples, wishing for the mental powers that God has long denied him, wishing to use them to make a certain person’s head explode with rainbows and confetti.] Pinhead: When we had the merger with the UWF, several wrestlers were so turned off by it, they broke off and started their own fed called the Bastard Underground. They just wanted a place to fight. But it got popular, so popular that outside forces tried to buy in. Slush: Bored. Already bored. Pinhead: Long story short, the Underground power structure is split between three groups. Felicity Malone, the Hand of Doom and the House of Elyson. Slush: Vengeance’s people? Pinhead: Yes. The tell a prophecy of when he shall return... [Pinhead ponders this for a moment and shivers. No longer holding Slush’s attention, the infamous commentator’s mind starts to wander.] Slush: You know, looking at this crowd, I’m starting to get a drug deal vibe. Like one is going down. They do that in the Underground right? They have powdered goat ovaries here you think? I hear that stuff kicks all kinds of ass... [Slush's insane ramblings are drowned out by the roar of a dozen or more motorcycles pulling into the parking lot, not that he notices. There are fifteen bikers in all, each one hairier and more fearsome looking than the last. What draws everyone's attention, though, is the biker leading them: none other than Felicity Malone, dressed in solid black biker leathers with a plain white t-shirt, riding a custom chopper detailed with green hot rod flames. The bikers form a loose semicircle around the crowd and all look to Felicity for instruction. She lifts one finger and circles it in the air, and two of the bikers dismount, push their way through the crowd, ignore a still-talking Slush and forcibly yank Pinhead back with them toward the bikes. You can hear one yelling, just loud enough to hear: "THIS IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD." Pinhead gets thrown onto Fel's "bitch seat" and without word, the bikers fire their engines and circle out of the lot.] Slush: ...and you know, when you smoke powdered goat ovaries it’s... it’s... [Suddenly realizing he’s alone, Slush grows quiet.] Slush: Pinhead? [Slush’s quiet becomes fear. In the distance, the main doors to the warehouse open. The assembled mass of people begin to file in.] Slush: All right Slush. You’re a big boy. You can do this... [Slush flips up his hoodie and puts his hands in his pockets. Taking one last look at the lack of Pinhead, Slush sighs. “The Lonely Man” begins to play and if you don’t know the song by that name, then this will remind you... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rccD1EWenio&feature=related It’d oddly fitting that Slush’s hoodie is green and his pants purple don’t you think? Slush turns and joins the crowd, heading into the confines of the Bastard Underground... And we fade to logo...] THE MIGHTY BASTARD CHAMPIONSHIP PRESENTS THE UNNAMED BASTARD SHOW EPISODE FOUR: A NEW HOPE (FOR BEING ON TIME) or TECHNICALLY, WE’RE STILL ABOVE GROUND... JUST SAYING! [The setup is simple. It’s an old warehouse. Dust floats in the air, the musty smell remains stagnant and the hunger for proper wrestling action is electrifying. It’s basically standing room only. No chairs except for the cheap bleachers in the outer reaches. The windows have been covered, keeping any light from the outside from flushing out what the stage lighting tries to portray.] Seth: Dude, you’re finally here. Slush: Oh thank god! A friendly face! [There is a ring in the middle of the warehouse, its apron and ring ropes colored black. Around it is a security guardrail that leads down an aisle. At the end of this aisle stands a large scaffold monstrosity. Through its metallic arch is the entrance portal from which the wrestlers will come and go. To the left and to the right of the scaffold are two similar areas. Both are sectioned off for the wrestlers should they wish to speak before their match, or really, speak period. Draped on either side are large hand painted tarps that read “The Bastard Underground.”] Seth: Dude, we are so going to get drunk tonight! RM: Oh bother. [Atop the scaffold is the master of ceremonies, the musical maven, the one and only D.J. Scott Baiowulf. He wears a red track suit, stylish sunglasses and large headphones that keep him in his groovy, awesome bad ass groove. Three large LED displays are set up around him: one to his right, one to his left and one above him.] RM: Did my dad seriously just get kidnapped? Slush: He’ll survive. He’s kind of pretty. He’ll never be the same. [After looking over the setup, the cameras make one last pan, this time to the commentators table. At right, the play by play man for the Underground and son of our very own PInhead. Rory McAllister. He’s a scrawny kid will a full head of flaming red hair, the kind that gets you beat up in elementary school or beaten if you’re a step child.] Seth: Got to agree with him there, dude. [Next to Rory is another young kid, this one with a flat brimmed New Orleans Saints cap, highly groomed goatee and the shifty eyes of a riverboat gambler. He’s known to the MBC faithful as Seth. No last name... yet.] RM: I hope you’re wrong. I really, really do. Slush: Shut up Rory. The narrator brings up a good point. [Next to those two are an additional two seats. Filling one is the MBC mainstay Slush. Somehow he managed to find his way to the commentator’s table all by himself. Think he deserves a cookie? And next to him is a chair, presumably for Pinhead... if he ever escapes.] Slush: What the Hell is your last name? Seth: We’ve been working together for this long and you don’t know? Slush: You assume I give a damn. Seth: You can figure it out on your own. And really, I don’t need one. I’m that awesome. Slush: Whatever. You’re only the second best Seth of all time. RM: How many Seths are there? Seth: Damn you Seth McFarland! Slush: Who? Seth: Who’s Seth McFarland? Are you living under a rock? If he’s not number one, who is it? Seth Myers? Slush: You’ve lost me. Seth: Seth Green? Slush: Too short. Seth: There aren’t that many famous Seth’s out there. RM: Seth P. Waxman? Slush: See! Pinhead’s brain damaged son got it. Seth: Who the [MEEP] is Seth Waxman? RM: Forty-first Solicitor General of the United States. Seth: What the Hell is the Solicitor General? He in charge of getting the hookers for the secret service? RM: Solicitor general represents the federal government before the U.S. Supreme Court. Slush: Well aren’t you just a fount of knowledge. Seth: You should see him when we take him to do bar trivia. Get him drunk and he’s like Rain Man. Slush: I’d say your father would be proud but he hardly has any self-respect for himself. So... yeah... go [MEEP] yourself. RM: Can we move on? Slush: Oh you’re one of those. I guess you need to run down the card and all that bull [MEEP]... hey... why am I being censored? RM: Technically, this is an official MBC broadcast. It’s the BU feed that’s uncensored. Slush: Well [MEEP] me with a [MEEP] in my [MEEP] {MEEP} {MEEP]. RM: And we don’t actually have a card to run down. Unless otherwise specified, all names for matches will be drawn from a hat by our DJ. Slush: So DJ Scott Baiowulf is in charge? Seth: Like a Fonz. Slush: Fine, let’s just get on with this [MEEP]. RM: We’ll send it to the DJ. [The makeshift house lights lower and the spotlights, such as they are, focus upon DJ Scott Baiowulf’s platform. He kicks off some generic club music as the images on all three video boards begin to spin. The top one stops first reading: MIXED TAG TEAM MATCH The video board to the left then stopped revealing the name of the fist team:] DEEVON BAGWELL AND TABITHA JAZZ [“Ants Marching” by the Dave Matthews Band begins to play and the two awkwardly dressed wrestlers pop through the entranceway. The pair of them look stuck in the nineties and oblivious to the boo’s that are showered upon them by the fans. They both point their fingers like guns and fire into the crowd, thinking it makes them cool. No, it does not make them cool. It makes them look like douchebags.] Seth: D-Bag in the house! Slush: So does this crowd hate them for being dastardly or for being A-holes? Seth: A-holes definitely. They always take the handicap spots in the parking lot. Slush: Man I hate it when that happens. I have first dibs. RM: Bagwell keeps trying to sell me real estate and stock options in his latest dot com scheme. I don’t know anything about any of that, but I think he knows even less. Slush: Bagwell and Jazz look like some cocaine dealers I used to know in the eighties. [Seth and Rory stare at Slush.] Slush: What? I can know people. [With Bagwell and Jazz in the ring, the video board to the right side of the scaffold stops its spinning. Upon it reads: BEAUTY AND THE BEAST] Seth: Aww yeah. This is going to be sweet. [All eyes turn to the scaffold as a slender, Asian woman steps from the portal, microphone in hand. She’s clad in a black, tank top and Army fatigue shorts, completing the look with fishnet stockings and black boots. Her black hair is parted in the middle and falls down her back. She eyes the crowd with a superior smirk before taking her place in front of the “Bastard Underground” tarp.] Woman: For those that know me, this will be a reintroduction. For those that do not, it will be a lesson. I am “The Revolution” Josie Saito and I am known mostly for my success as a wrestler. I’ve won titles and championships from all over the world, against man, woman, and filthy tranny alike. [She swipes her hand through the air.] Josie: But the skill that I’m less known for is my prowess as a manager. In the past, I’ve led the likes of Tiffany Lane and the Black Vipers to the top. Because there is something appealing about taking someone right on the cusp and molding them into celebrity, to see potential fully realized. And that is what drew me to Bastard Underground and my two current charges. I’m talking about two people with all of the tools for greatness, held back and then tossed aside by a petulant [MEEP]. But they are now free of this woman’s influence and under my guidance where they will either succeed or die trying. I give to you Georgia Church and my husband, Brawn Stevenson...Beauty and the Beast! [“Dragula” by Rob Zombie begins to play as the mountain of muscle known as Brawn Stevenson walks out on the platform. He’s clad in a brown, furry loincloth and brown, furry boots. The hulking mass sneers out at the crowd as Georgia steps out next. The brown haired former go-go dancer is clad in a chainmail bikini top and matching, thigh-grazing skirt. She wears a pair of silver, wrestling boots, her hair flowing down her back. She narrows her eyes as she and Brawn make their way down the aisle, ignoring the fans. Josie watches approvingly, following them down the aisle.] Josie: Tonight, we begin a new legacy for these two wrestlers! Deevon Bagwell...Tabitha Jazz, you have been warned! [Josie throws down the microphone as Brawn climbs the ringside stairs, followed by Georgia. Beauty and The Beast take their corner, eying their opponents in contempt as Josie looks on from ringside.] Slush: Chainmail! Two shows in a row I can praise Red Sonja! ============================ BEAUTY AND THE BEAST versus DEEVON BAGWELL AND TABITHA JAZZ ============================ [Showing no fear, Jazz and Bagwell argued on who got to go first. After getting nowhere, the two started a game of rock, paper scissors to determine who was the legal wrestler. Bagwell won out and sadly for him, this would prove to be the only thing he would win this night, unless of course he went riverboat gambling to bet on some illegal cock fights. I don’t keep track of the man. He’s on his own!] RM: Bagwell stepping center right... and just gets plastered by Stevenson! Slush: Wow, he seems rather eager to get this going. Seth: I bet it’s all the fur. Slush: You know what they say. Fur is murder. Except in Florida. There’s it’s just manslaughter. [Bagwell hardly had a moment to breathe as Stevenson wrenched him up and threw him to the corner. Stevenson was a savage, a new ferocity unleashed from him by his wife and manager. Now free of the Hand of Doom and his former boss Holly Hotbody, Brawn could truly live up to his name, Sato and Church cheered him on in unison, proud to have the beastly Stevenson on their side. Bagwell on the other hand cried for his Momma.] RM: Stevenson has done nothing but work Bagwell over... and Deevon manages to escape through Brawn’s legs. Slush: Don’t look up buddy! Seth: He tags in Tabitha Jazz and no surprise she doesn’t want anything to do with Stevenson. RM: Georgia Church is bouncing up and down on the apron wanting a tag in. Seth: Wait, let me get my camera. Slush: You have a zoom lens? Seth: Of course. Stole it off the dude who used to shoot the “Women of the MBC” swimsuit calendars. [Annoyed more than anything else, Stevenson tagged out to his partner. Jazz was more than a little relieved to face Church. After all, Church had never been known for her skills in the ring. But a renewed eagerness in her eyes showed that Georgia had something to prove. The two women collided center ring and amazingly, Church took control. She flaunted a new found skill in submission style wrestling and thoroughly dominated Jazz. Outside, Sato looked on quite satisfied.] RM: This isn’t anything we’ve seen from Church before. Really, I think her only skill was to dance. [CLICK] Seth: Oh, she’s got talent. [CLICK] Slush: Quick, get that angle! Seth: On it dude. RM: Cleary Josie Sato has put in some long hours training Church. [In the past, Church would have been far more concerned with her hair and makeup for the pictures that Seth and others were taking. But now, her mind was solely on the match and her opponent. Jazz escaped more than a few holds that Church applied, showing that Georgia still had some room to grow. But despite Jazz’s best efforts, she couldn’t keep Georgia at bay. Though her ferocity was not that of her partners, Georgia still came at Jazz strong. Before long and without there being a thing that Bagwell could do, Church had Jazz in a dragon sleeper. The referee raised the arm once, twice and thrice. Each time, the arm fell to the mat.] WINNER BY SUBMISSION: Beauty and the Beast ============================ RM: Dominant performance by Stevenson and Church. Josie Sato has done a masterful job in turning their careers around. Slush: Look at you Rory. Trying to act all grown up. [CLICK] Slush: Dude! The two chicks are hugging in celebration! Get a picture! Seth: Dude, I am a professional. I’ve been objectifying women for years. [CLICK] Slush: I wonder if they’re swingers... [Speaking of people that Slush wonders if they are swingers, we cut to the parking lot of a convenient store. There are only two cars parked and it appears to be a slow night. But soon something drives up that would send old school WWA fans into MARK OUT MANIA if any old school WWA fans still existed! A green jeep driven by someone familiar to MBC and UWF audiences, Stephanie Delacroix, while residing in the passenger seat is her husband, "Up All Night" Pablo O'Connor! Delacroix is wearing a blue denim overall dress with a pink button up shirt underneath as well as sunglasses and a very large cherry colored hat. Pablo is wearing a white Real Madrid jersey with gold lines and trim, sunglasses and a red and yellow baseball cap with the crest of Spain on it. They pull up into a spot and both of them exchange frustrated glances.] POC: Where the [MEEP] is this place?! Are you sure we got good directions? SD: Are you sure you told me the directions correctly?! [Pablo takes off his sunglasses and narrows his eyes at his wife.] POC: Mujer! [Stephanie in turn rips off her sunglasses and narrows her eyes at her husband.] SD: Viejo! [There is a narrowing of the eyes standoff for several moments before they both start wagging their fingers at each other.] POC: I'm on to you! SD: I am on to you! [O'Connor shakes his head then looks around.] POC: We're in New Orleans.. SD: Yes. POC: We made all the turns listed in these directions and even flipped a coin to that saxophone playing drag queen at that street corner like it said on here.. SD: That maybe should have been a tip off that someone is messing with us. POC: GAH! I want to find this Bastard Underground show! I want to see with my own eyes who else is going to end up in this tournament! SD: We have to scout them out! POC: Maybe jump them after the match, you know for advantage! SD: All our time wearing donkey masks in Mexico kept us from hitting that big doofus Titus after he qualified! [They both grit their teeth and look around, fuming.] POC: Where is the [MEEP]ing show?! [Delacroix's eyes go wide and a smile flashes on her face.] SD: A-ha! POC: A great 80's band from Norway. I don't see how that helps us find the.. SD: No, not them! I've got an idea! POC: What is it? Spill the beans, sexy! [Stephanie whips out her cellphone.] SD: Remember that phone number we found all over our car with notes asking if we're swingers? [Pablo pulls a face.] POC: We're NOT swingers! SD: I know but I found out who's number it was! POC: Who? SD: Slush! [A look of rage comes across O'Connor's face.] POC: I will crush that man's head like an Athena melon under my foot! [Stephanie shakes her head.] SD: You always jump to the jealous macho rage thing! THINK! Where would Slush be right now? [Pablo thinks and then...] POC: Oh! SD: Exactly! POC: So we call him? SD: We TEXT him and get directions from him to the show! [An evil smile comes over Pablo's face.] POC: You are such a HOT genius! [Delacroix messes with her hair.] SD: I know! [She begins punching buttons on her cell while Pablo nods.] POC: Alright dirty old perverted man! Lead us to the Bastard Underground! [Stephanie finishes her text message and then she sends and they both wait and we cut away..] Slush: You’re going to send me those pictures right? Seth: Depends. Slush: On? Seth: What I set the login fee at. Slush: You realize I can just watch it on Youtube right? Seth: Aha, but I have exclusive bonus features. Slush: Hmm... color me intrigued. I would... [BABEEP!] Slush: Hold on, somebody just texted me. RM: Really? You’re doing this now? Slush: Don’t act like your dad never told you I was a slacker. [We fade into the backstage area, a hallway or perhaps an empty locker room where somebody has hung up some International Incident t-shirts in an attempt to make the area look like a proper interview area. Standing in front of those t-shirts are Justin Davidson and Wolf Jager, though they don't look the same as Bastard Stampede fans might remember. Both of them are still in good shape and wearing the black singlets, with the British and German flags crossed on the front, that were the trademark of International Incident but it's clear that wherever the two of them have been, they've been working out quite a bit. Wolf seems to have added at least 25 lbs of muscle to his frame and Justin, while not as muscular as his tag team partner is looking quite ripped. Around their waists are the VXW tag team titles.] Justin: It's been a long time since we've set foot anywhere in the MBC. During that time, Wolf and I travelled the world in order to improve our craft. We travelled to Britain, we travelled to India, we travelled to Japan to learn from the greatest wrestling teachers the world had to offer. We trained for hours, studied film, all to hone our wrestling skills so that when we returned we would be the greatest tag team MBC had ever seen. It all begins here. Wolf: Once we were the VXW Tag Team Champions and the Bastard Stampede Tag Team Champions at the same time, we were the greatest tag team in MBC but nobody would admit it. At the time we were content to sit on our laurels but no longer. By the time we are finished, every single tag title in these MBC territories will be ours. The Bastard Stampede Titles, Psycho Driver Titles, Team Bastard Titles, they will all be ours and when we are finished we will stand in the One Ring and everybody will know who we are, and what we are. [Both Justin and Wolf flex their muscles as they make the belt gesture, which looks a little odd considering they're already wearing title belts. Of course they're not MBC title belts, which probably makes all the difference. At any rate, the two of them have likely gotten their point across.] Justin: But that's not the only thing we're here for, as Wolf and I also wish to renew acquaintances with some folks we crossed paths with the last time we were here in MBC. Sons of Skullhead, we've not forgotten how you took our Stampede Tag Titles from us. You got lucky once lads but the next time we meet, Wolf and I will make sure you regret ever crossing paths with International Incident. Wolf: Which brings me to those idiotic Bastard Rangers, yes we've not forgotten you fools either. You used to stick your noses in our business, you inconvenienced us and quite frankly it got on our nerves. Tonight Justin and I are in the Bastard Underground, we could be facing off against any team that's backstage right now and we have no way of knowing who our opponents will be. Tonight some unsuspecting tag team will be defeated and humiliated by the endless skill and determination of Justin Davidson and Wolf Jager. Then, the hunt begins. Justin: You're on borrowed time. We are the best, you are the rest. You just have to live with that. [Fade to black.] Slush: Aww yeah. This will be good. RM: You’re still texting? Slush: It’s called going fishing. I’ve got me some big fish on the line. Seth: There are any number of women in the crowd who would throw themselves at you. Slush: True, but I’m not into midget self-tossing. RM: How is that even possible? Seth: Don’t worry that pretty little head of yours Rory. Slush: Pretty? Hardly even average. "THUD" [We hear the noise before the video even comes up. When we fade in, the lighting is terrible, the camera is shaky, but what we see before us is unmistakable...an unconscious body. _Several_ unconscious bodies. ...of one, Ian "Pinhead" McAllister. Or rather...his many, apparently fragile and less durable body doubles. They are piled up, one on top of the other, as the camera cuts to the back of a woman. And what a well-defined, muscular back it is. Noticeably, running down along her right shoulder blade, is a fairly elaborate tattoo of an intertwined dragon and phoenix. However, it is quickly covered up, as the woman in question puts on black bosozoku-style longcoat, with the back covered in Japanese kanji. When she turns around, we see it is the gloomiest of harem girls... HANA. The emo-haired, labret piercing-having sukeban wears a six-pack midriff-bearing tanktop that reads "WIFEY MATERIAL" beneath her longcoat, a tattered hakama, just a smidge too much eyeshadow, and an utter look of disdain on her pretty little face. This might be a Youtube production, but we splurging for subtitles, son!] HANA: (Do you wanna' hear a joke?) [A smirk.] HANA: Kiora Donovan. [She stares into the camera with a bored look on her face.] HANA: (Wanna' hear another one?) [A big grin.] HANA: Felicity Malone. [She holds her hands up, as if motioning for everyone to hold in their laughter.] HANA: (Wait...I got one more. This one is really hilarious.) [She covers her mouth and her eyes open wide, as she whispers the name, almost like revealing a big secret.] HANA: Kathryn Elyson! [A wild cackle...and then a stone-faced glare that can pierce through your very soul.] HANA: (These are the women who would control Bastard Underground? Bull[MEEP].) [She points a thumb to her chest.] HANA: (*I* control the Bastard Underground.) [HANA puts on the cap of a military commanding officer atop her head.] HANA: (House Malone? House Elyson? The Hand of Doom? They can kiss my ass! The Bastard Underground belongs to Perfect Girl Evolution.) [A look of pure "If you got a problem with that, I'll kick your damn skull in." forms on her gloomy features.] HANA: (When I was sent here, I was told to make an impact...and I couldn't think of anything making a bigger impact than my fist smashing into some sorry bitch's face. I was told that the Bastard Underground was formed to restore proper bastardry to MBC. Well...you sure as hell aren't going to get it by having a trio of stupid whores climbing up a damn ladder to get a thighmaster like Jessica Marshall climbing up a stripper pole to get a dollar on a bored Friday night.) [She makes an obscene gesture...I'll leave it up to you to figure out what kind.] HANA: (I wanted Donovan in that ring. I wanted to lick the sweet, delicious, bitter tears of defeat from her face...but they told me that's not how you get a fight here.) [She rolls her eyes.] HANA: (Yeah, I bet I know how you _really_ get a fight around here.) [Another obscene gesture...with tongue. Ummm...that's about as descriptive that's gonna get.] HANA: (Anyway, they said I had to put my name in a hat. So I did.) [She digs through her pockets and pulls out a strip of paper.] HANA: (So I did.) [She digs into her other pocket and pulls out another strip of paper.] HANA: (So I did.) [She then rummages through her coat pockets and pulls out two handfuls of paper strips, clenched tightly in each fist.] HANA: (...SO I DID.) [She lets all the papers fall harmlessly to the floor.] HANA: (Leave nothing to chance. I'll get a fight tonight. Hell, maybe more than one. And if I don't? Well... ...I'll just _look_ for one.) [A rather unnerving lick of her lips.] HANA: (As far as the book goes? Who gives a [MEEP]].) [Walking over to the pile of Pinheads, HANA takes a seat atop the pile.] HANA: (I've already taken this place over.) [She pulls the brim of her hat over her eyes and grins deviously.] HANA: (All you bitches just don't know it yet.) [Fade to static.] Slush: Somebody get me that woman’s number. Seth: Dude, I don’t care how rich, awesome or hung you think you are, there is no chance you can score with any woman from Perfect Girl Evolution. Slush: Oh I think my chances are good. She’s right up my alley. Seth: Breathing? Slush: That’s a good start. RM: Just how many body doubles has my dad hired? Slush: Ever see that bit where Eminem walked into an awards show with all those dudes that looked just like him? RM: Yeah. So? Slush: Multiply that by... a lot. Seth: Paranoia will get you everywhere. Slush: Maybe if I get a hold of that book, I can hook up with one of those PGE chicks. Seth: Maybe in a literal “meet hook” sense. [The picture starts breaking up and the audio drops out, replaced by something else.] Female Voice: Is it up yet? Male Voice: One second. [The main feed goes black -- and then a different feed cuts in: Felicity Malone, standing in front of the full row of her biker gang. She's shed her jacket and is smoking a cigarette -- the pack is rolled up in the sleeve of her t-shirt. She looks like a '50s greaser, but... not. She's staring at some point past the camera -- probably the male voice.] Felicity: Now? Male Voice: We're up. Felicity: Drop him here, then. [A massive biker carries Pinhead, slung over his shoulder, into frame and sets him down unceremoniously in front of Felicity.] Pinhead: You know... you could have just asked me to lunch. [A few bikers chuckle.] Felicity: You weren't safe there. More importantly, the book wasn't safe there. Do you have it? Pinhead: On me? No. I put it somewhere safe just in case an insane group of bikers kidnapped me. Or druids. I'm not ruling out anything. Felicity: I'm not the enemy here, Pinhead. I only care about preserving the MBC's legacy. So if you'd just hand the book over... Pinhead: You of all people know what the book means. And you know I'm not going to just hand it over [Felicity stares at him for a long, hard moment. Finally she relents, and points at him.] Felicity: Fine. But it's your ass if Elyson's or Donovan's crews get their hands on it. Your ass, then theirs. Pinhead: Are you crazy? Do you think I'd really let the Hand of Doom or anyone who associates themselves with Vengeance get their hands on it? That's almost as bad as giving the book to Slush. [Pinhead cocks a smile.] Pinhead: Like I said, I put it somewhere safe. Felicity: I hope so, for everyone's sake. [Felicity stands in silence a moment, arms crossed, as if she's done with the conversation. And then...] Felicity: So what are you doing here on our turf, anyway? We've never had a good relationship with the MBC. Pinhead: You guys have one of the rings. Whether you guys want to acknowledge it or not, that places you as a MBC territory. It's all legal and metaphysical jargon that gives me a headache. But you get the point. [Pinhead idly scratches his cheek as he looks around at the various shapes, sizes and flavors of bikers. He immediately stops.] Pinhead: I was told to unite the territories one way or the other. Otherwise, something bad will happen. Felicity: How bad? I mean.. do we look like people who want to be united? We broke away for a reason. Pinhead: No, you don't. But whatever this "bad thing" is, I get the impression that it'll come just as hard for the BU as it will for everywhere else. {Pinhead takes a look around.] Pinhead: And I can tell you this much. Joining up isn't going to mean the BU loses its identity. This isn't a merger. Felicity: So if it's not a merger, what is it? Pinhead: The territories would come together as.. I don’t know... as seven countries in a United Nations. They’d all keep their individual identities but there’d be a unified front and presence to the world at large. Felicity: I've got no interest if the Bastard Underground doesn't get equal say. If your whole crazy plan even comes together. Pinhead: It’d be structured like the Board of Regents before, except this time, each Regent represents a territory. None would have more say than the others though I’m sure there will be bragging rights. Like at a convention... of sorts. [Felicity appears to take this in for a long moment] Felicity: I think you want me to win this, Pinhead. Elyson is nothing but bad news. Donovan's a HoD groupie, like me ten years ago without the self-awareness. Either of them would be a disaster for the Bastard Underground and the MBC as a whole. Pinhead: However the Underground determines its Regent is completely up to you three, just as its up to you all to determine who your representative in the Bastardship of the Ring Tournament is. If you, the Hand of Doom and the Elysons decide to use the Thighmaster Match as who the Regent is, then that’s how the chips fall. Felicity: If I fight them square, I know I can beat them. So if they have anything planned for this match, and you know about it... Pinhead: You’re the first one I’ve talked to. But let’s face it. You have these... [Pinhead glances at one of the bikers who has rubber bands and a decapitated Hello Kitty doll hanging from his beard.] Pinhead: ...gentlemen for a reason. Felicity: Yeah. I do. Keep that book safe, Pinhead. If you want some protection for the duration of the show, pick any two of these guys. There's no telling what Elyson and Donovan have in mind for you. [Felicity flicks her cigarette away.] Felicity: And I'll see you in the warehouse. [Fade.] RM: Looks like the Bastard Underground may join up with the MBC proper after all. Slush: That was in doubt? Seth: Yeah. You know things have been frosty between the U and MBC right? Slush: You assume I pay attention to such things. RM: Still, dad would have to get the agreement of Kiora Donavon and Kathryn Elyson in order for that to happen. And we’d have to figure out who would represent the U in the Bastardship of the Ring as well. Slush: That’s why we’re here. Seth: Taking your job seriously? Slush: Pfft, I’m here for the creole and pastries. RM: I’m told that DJ Scott Baiowulf is ready to get our next match underway. [The makeshift house lights lower and the spotlights, such as they are, focus upon DJ Scott Baiowulf’s platform for a second time. He kicks off some generic club music as the images on all three video boards begin to spin. The top one stops first, reading: TAG TEAM MATCH The video board to the left then stopped revealing the name of the first team:] INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT ["Mars, God of War" by Holst comes out of the house speakers thanks to the quick work of DJ Scott Baiowulf. Out from the entrance comes Wolf Jager and Justin Davidson, arms raised in victory and VXW Tag Team titles around their waists. They don’t bother with another interview, instead coming straight to the ring, ignoring the boo’s that are showered upon them.] RM: We heard from Davidson and Jager earlier tonight. Their message was clear. They intend to dominate. Seth: Nothing that can’t be countered with a healthy “meh.” Slush: Meh. Seth: See? It works. [With Jager and Davidson in the ring, the monitor on the right settles to reveal the second team:] RONAN BENEDICT AND XANDER KEEGAN RM: Huh... this won’t be good. [The curtains part, and "The War Hound" Ronan Benedict steps out, ready in a short-sleeved black "War Hounds: Grit, Gristle, & Gore Tour" t-shirt, forest green camo pants, black kickpads, and matching black wrestling boots. He sports white athletic tape on both hands and wrists. Shaking his head, Ronan ignores the interview area entirely and heads straight for the ring. "The X-Caliber" Xander Keegan then steps out, sporting a short-sleeved black "Trinity" t-shirt, electric blue Vale Tudo shorts with a white combination "XK" pattern on both sides, black knee pads, and blue wrestling boots with white laces. Both wrists and hands are also wrapped in black athletic tape. Rather than follow his partner though, Xander heads right for the interview area.] XK: What the Hell is this? [Hearing his partner's voice, Ronan stops halfway down the aisle, turns, and folds his arms across his chest.] XK: I mean where's the logic in putting Xander Keegan, The X-Caliber, in a tag team match with [points at Ronan] _that_ as his partner? [Ronan now starts walking back toward Xander and the interview area.] XK: Don't get me wrong; you might be a great big musclehead, Benedict... oh wait, no, you're neither great nor big. Just a half-pint midcard [finger quote] "hardcore" wrestler that'll be eating out of a tube in a couple years. When I look at you, I see somebody who's all brawn and no brain. RB: Do you know what I see when I look at _you_, Keegan? [Ronan steps right up into his face now.] RB: I see a pansy with a cutesy ponytail and a big mouth. And if you don't shut it, then I got no problem with kickin' your teeth in and dealin' with our opponents on my own. 'Cause I ain't real happy about having a jackass like you as my partner anyway. XK: _You?_ Handle them on your own? [Xander breaks out in a mocking laugh.] XK: You can't even handle a proper diet, much less Davidson or Jager one on one. It takes an elite caliber wrestler to overcome those two, and a chump like you can't even come close. Oh, and by the way... [Xander shoves him back a step.] XK: Get out of my face, bitch. [Ronan reacts instantly, catching Xander off-guard with a big punch to the face that puts him on his back.] RB: Now you got two choices, "partner". You can put your money where your mouth is, drag your sorry Chicagoan ass to the ring, and show us all what you're actually made of; or you can hide back here while I deal with those two Euro clowns. Take your pick, but stay the [MEEP] outta' my way. [Ronan steps past his fallen partner and heads down the aisle toward the ring.] ============================ RONAN BENEDICT and XANDER KEEGAN versus INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT ============================ [Much like a shark, the team of Jager and Davidson could smell the blood in the water. The discord between teammates was ripe to be exploited and in silent agreement International Incident knew what they would focus on. Benedict was no dummy. He could see what Jager and Davidson could see but he was a man who had always tried to defy expectations. He would so again, with or without Keegan. The match began with Keegan on the outside as expected by everyone in attendance. Starting out against Davidson, Benedict was well at home in a flurry of strikes. Their offense came quickly, delighting the crowd.] RM: Ronan is already riding high on the adrenaline. Slush: Jager wants a tag already? Seth: Disorientation tactics. Like picking off the weak pledge trying to join the frat. Slush: I hope you understand you’ll never be _the_ frat guy around here. Seth: Haven’t those dudes graduated by now? It’s time for a new generation of debauchery. RM; Jager inside the ring and Benedict is forced to face them both. Keegan is sticking to the outside and isn’t lifting a finger. [The referee made a concerted effort to get the illegal man back outside the ring, a task made easier because Keegan didn’t magnify the insanity of it all. But this did punctuate the fact that Ronan was in the match alone. Keegan wasn’t completely at fault. Even as Davidson and Jager made frequent tags to one another, Benedict constantly gave Keegan the cold shoulder. Ronan did well in taking on two men at once but despite his endurance and skill, this was a task that took its toll.] RM: Benedict is really endearing himself to the fans. Seth: Because they want blood. They know he’ll bring it. Slush: So do women once a month. Seth: BU crowds are remarkable horny. Here I thought it was because of a full moon. RM; Hold on... I’m having a hard time believing this. Keegan is calling for a tag? [Keegan was indeed calling out to Benedict to make the tag. It may have been a sudden change of heart. If so, it was one that Benedict had a hard time believing. Still, Jager and Davidson took it seriously. They continued their fight and in the times they held their control of the match, they kept Benedict away from the corner. But Ronan wasn’t to be put down like a dog. Late in the match he surged and knocked Jager over the top rope. When Davidson entered the ring, Benedict leveled him with a bombastic lariat. Against his better judgment but needing a break, Benedict looked to Keegan and went for a tag. But Keegan pulled back his hand and dropped of the ring apron. He smiled and walked away, heading up the aisle. Benedict was enraged by being abandoned and more so when both Jager and Davidson jumped him from behind. International Incident redoubled their efforts and though Benedict’s rage held them off for a while, their subversive tactics soon brought him low. Despite one last fight, Jager and Davidson executed their Diplomatic Sanction and took the victory.] WINNER BY PINFALL: International Incident ============================ RM: There are a lot of teams that don’t take advantage of their opportunities. International Incident have found a lot of success because they take what’s there. Seth: And they’re wisely getting out of town. Slush: Expecting Benedict to go all rage rampage? Seth: I’m already taking bets on it. Slush: How? Seth: There’s an app for that. RM: I’m sure Keegan will be paying a price for that at some point. I doubt Ronan will forget it. [The camera feed cuts to someplace else entirely. From the look of it, what we now see is through the lens of a security camera. The sounds of heavy boots stomping the floor in uniform step boom through the hall. And there are screams. And moans. And maybe a little whining.] Pinhead: Seriously? This is twice in one day. [The security cam then catches what is going on. Two large individuals dressed in red robes with matching hoods. Between them and held by the arms a good foot off the ground is everyone’s favorite kidnap victim, Pinhead.] Pinhead: And guys... really? Froinlaven Fire Druids? I thought you all moved to Canada when Styx burned. [At about this point, Kiora Donavon walks into view. She's dressed in blue jeans and her trademark Hand of Doom t-shirt and, for a change, doesn't look furious today. More mildly peeved.] Kiora: Hello Pinhead. [Pinhead sees Kiora and simultaneously grunts and deflates while being held. He almost kind of melts, hanging there like a sack of meat.] Pinhead: I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. Let me guess. You want the book? [Kiora smirks softly, not even bothering to deny it. There's no point really since everybody knows how valuable the book is and that everybody wants it.] Kiora: Of course I want the book. Everybody wants the book. I am not, however, so foolish to believe that you'd have it on you at the moment. Pinhead: Like I told your counterpart, I don’t have the book on me. It’s someplace safe. [Pinhead takes a look at his captors.] Pinhead: Somehow, I think if you had it, you’d end up only starting a massive gang war. [Kiora scowls, clearly annoyed that somebody kidnapped Pinhead before she was able to. She glares at one of the druids, who looks sheepish.] Kiora: A gang war that I'd have an advantage in, as I'd have the book. However, that's not all I'm interested in at the moment. [Kiora looks Pinhead right in the eye at this point.] Kiora: You're trying to unite the territories, I want to know why and for whom. Pinhead: All I know is that if the territories don’t unite then something bad will happen. I don’t think we’re talking Mayan calendar bad but I’ve worked for the MBC for 16 years. I don’t think we can rule it out. [Pinhead tries to elicit a smile from Kiora but fails.] Pinhead: And I don’t know who... exactly. [Kiora arches an eyebrow. Having survived the Great Fire of Styx she knows full well how bad things can get, when it comes to MBC.] Kiora: Tell me everything you know about this person, and this trouble he's foreseen. Pinhead: That’s the thing. I don’t know who sent the book and I don’t know what this bad thing is. Kiora: Sounds like Lee is up to his old tricks again. It'd be just like him to stir up trouble like this. Pinhead: That’s the thing... and I only know this because I’ve talked some people. Lee has nothing to do with this. Lee isn’t even a slightest bit involved with the MBC or the territories. [Kiora arches an eyebrow. She looks a bit skeptical, which is hardly surprising considering that Lee's been involved with almost every version of MBC in some fashion.] Kiora: You don't say. There's some people who might be interested to hear that. Pinhead: I don’t know who is pulling the strings beyond that though. And... can you tell these guys to set me down? Kiora: I suppose. It's not like we're getting anywhere with this and I'm not going to fool myself into thinking I can beat the location of the book out of you. Pinhead: That’s mighty kind of you. But I do need to ask about getting the BU on board with the rest of the MBC. Since the power here is split three ways... [Kiora arches an eyebrow.] Kiora: Surely you're not suggesting I try and get along with Elyson or Malone? Pinhead: You three have somehow got along enough to keep the BU running right? All I need is for you three to agree that the BU will participate. How you decide who your respective reps are is up to you three. Considering that you three are in a match tonight, I’d say go with Felicity’s idea. Winner of the match gets to be the Regent. [Pinhead flashes a fake smile, one that says “I hope this idea works” while at the same time saying “I hope she doesn’t rip my arms off.”] Kiora: Well I suppose Felicity can have a good idea, once in a while. [Naturally Kiora seems quite annoyed that she has to admit something like that. Fortunately for Pinhead, Kiora doesn't seem likely to take out her annoyance on him. This time.] Kiora: I suppose we don't have a whole lot of other options at this point. [Relieved, Pinhead lets out a deep breath. But he soon realizes something.] Pinhead: I suspect I’ll be kidnapped by Kathryn Elyson now... Kiora: Most likely. Boys, toss him in the dumpster out back. Pinhead: Aww crap. [As the druids march off to do just that, the feed cuts back to the arena.] Seth: Lee isn’t involved? Slush: ANARCHY! ANARCHY! RM: It’s not really that bad. Slush: Like hell it isn’t! ANARCHY! Seth: Eh, why not...ahem... ANARCHY! ANARCHY! Slush: See now you’re just bandwagoning. Seth: I can’t join in on the fun? Slush: There’s only enough room for one Slush. You’re cramping my style. [BA-DING!] Slush: Hold on, just got a text. RM: So how about we go to the next match? Slush: Hey now… somebody is being a little mynx. [The makeshift house lights lower and the spotlights focus upon DJ Scott Baiowulf’s platform. He kicks off some generic club music as the images on all three video boards begin to spin. The top one stops first reading: SINGLES MATCH The video board to the left then stopped revealing the name of the first competitor:] AKEYLA RUIZ [“Was” by Kenny Wayne Shepard replaces the club music, and really, many people cheer. DJ Scott Baiowulf frowns but nobody cares for the feelings of the lonely, lonely DJ. From the entrance comes Akeyla Ruiz. She stops once out through the curtains and contemplates taking the house microphone. Instead, she uses the power of sign language to convey her message.] Slush: Double eagle salute baby! This one’s saucy. Seth: I tried hitting on her once. Talk about being bitter. Slush: I could but this is only a two hour show. RM: She’s a very talented wrestler and in fact, she trained under Tesla St. James.. Seth: Man hater! RM: But she’s been inordinately bitter because certain aspects of her career haven’t gone like she had hoped. Slush: Oh please. Get in line. Life just called to say I’m more deserving than you are. [Slush puts up his hand.] Slush: Bitch! [With Ruiz now in the ring, the final monitor on the Baiowulf platform begins to spin. When its images stop, it reveals the next opponent of the evening:] HAHA [The crowd gasps and several cheer, apparently being big fans of Perfect Girl Evolution. HANA emerges from the metallic arc, still dressed in the longcoat and officer's hat we had seen her in before. She sizes up Ruiz and smirks...like a predator stalking its prey.] HANA: Calm down, pumpkin tits, we're not dancing yet. [Yes, HANA said that in English.] HANA: Keep your hands outta' your pants for a couple of minutes people, I have an important announcement. [She looks around at the crowd and grins.] HANA: Screw the Thighmaster. [GASPS OF SHOCK! SHOCKS OF GASPS! Blasphemy!] HANA: We deserve a better brand of bastardry. Not one wrapped up in some stupid, antiquated artifact that hasn't meant a damn thing to anyone ever since Kiora Donovan got her worn out, used-up, cottage-cheese thighed, cellulite-ridden ass on it. If MBC has failed us, then why cling onto that failed past? Why should Akeyla or I be shutout from the Thighmaster because we didn't whore ourselves into that spot? I say we need to forge our own glorious future! So starting right now? [From seemingly out of nowhere, HANA holds up...oh my... A Shake Weight.] HANA: I'm declaring myself the holder of the Bastard Underground Shake Weight! [Minds. Are. Blown. Well...at least three of them in the front row are.] HANA: And you, Akeyla? You will be my first challenger. [HANA turns to the ref.] HANA: Now let’s get this started...I've got a bitch to break in half. [And with that, HANA removes her longcoat and hat, preparing for battle...revealing a body that can only be described as one sculpted from granite at the top of Mt Olympus from the thunderbolt of Zeus, himself. Akeyla Ruiz's eyes noticeably grow a little wide at the sight of HANA. The crowd, needless to say...is still stunned by HANA's earlier proclamation. And aroused. Stunned, yes...but mostly aroused.] Slush: I’ll be in my bunk. ============================ HANA versus AKEYLA RUIZ ============================ [Once the initial shock wore off, Akeyla Ruiz returned to her usual sour attitude. As HANA stood outside the ring commanding the ring attendant to take the precious MBC Shake Weight, Ruiz berated her with the kind of swear words one can only find with somebody fluent in Spanish, English and Portuguese. Yes, Ruiz knows Portuguese. The more you know.] Seth: Did I see a shooting star? [Ruiz walked to the ropes and dared HANA to get her ass into the ring. The Shake Weight safe and properly handed off, HANA of course reached under the bottom rope, grabbed Ruiz by the ankles and yanked. Akeyla fell backwards, smacking her head. HANA dragged her out and started pounding the ever loving crap out of Ruiz. Accustomed to taking a beating, Ruiz guarded well but she still could only defend so much. ] RM: If Ruiz wants to win that Shake Weight, she’s got to do better than that. Bu HANA is coming on incredibly strong in the opening moments of this match. Seth: Can we just call this match off? Have them both have... a Shake Weight off... yeah... you know, I could make a website like that. Slush: [Off in his bunk] Seth: I bet you anything he’s in a Port-A-Potty. RM: HANA rolls Ruiz in the ring and follows. She’s staying right on top of Akeyla. Seth: [Turns to couple of college age kids in the front row] How would you two like to make some quick cash? [Finally managing to get away, Ruiz backed to the other side of the ring to gather herself. Her lip was split and there’d no doubt be bruising in the morning. Ruiz looked across the ring and in her strangely tinted mind she saw the female version of Bolo Yeung from the movie Bloodsport.. I hope you know who that is. Do I really have to help you? You could look it up yourself you know. No? Fine. Here. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CyBjXmgxpZY That. But with boobs. Just how Akeyla sees the world. To her the Queen of Portugal looks like Steven Segal. Do they have a queen? Now THAT you can look up yourself.] Seth: [Talking to the teenagers] Right, he’s in Port-A-Potty number three. Tip it over for me and it’s an easy fifty bucks. RM: Ruiz going after HANA again but it’s like punching a brick wall. [Ruiz’s strategy of quick strikes was effective from the standpoint that it kept her somewhat out of HANA’s each. Ruiz didn’t put much force behind her punches, a bit gun shy about taking a potshot from her opponent. And of course, with the lack of power, there was a lack of effectiveness. Just to toy with her opponent HANA dropped her arms to her side, stuck out her chin and pointed to it. Quite clearly and authoritatively, she said “One free shot!”] One Half of Crowd: TAKE A SHOT! TAKE A SHOT! Other Half of Crowd: TIP IT OVER! TIP IT OVER! RM: Do we seriously have two things going on at the same time? Seth: Best fifty bucks I’ll ever spend. [Ruiz reared back and punched HANA square in the chin. Her head snapped back and then slowly, it turned back to where it was originally. With a look of disdain, HANA calmly walked away and went to the corner and shook her head. She came back and looked Ruiz straight in the eye.] HANA: What the hell was that? [Akeyla had no answer. So to answer it for her...] RM: HANA WITH A STIFF RIGHT CROSS! Seth: If she had cancer, it just got cured! Other Half of Crowd: TIP IT OVER! TIP IT OVER! [CREAAAAAKKK..... … CRAAAASSSHH... … SPLAAASSHHH!!!!] Slush: NOOOOOOOOO! One Half of the Crowd: YEAAAH! Other Half of the Crowd: HIT HER AGAIN! HIT HER AGAIN! RM: We... we have a crowd that loves brutal punches and people doused in their own fecal matter. Seth: Like peanut butter and chocolate. Two great tastes together at last. [Completely unconscious after the right cross from hell, the referee contemplates calling the match. But HANA stops him, declaring to the reved up crowd "Not yet! It's not over!" She points to Ruiz, who despite her shoddy condition begins to stand. Showing heart and determination, she rises to her feet...and promptly eats a roundhouse kick to the head, knocking her out cold. HANA then turns to the ref..."*Now* it's over." Suffice it to say, the ref calls the match.] WINNER BY TKO: HANA ============================ RM: She’s... staring at us. Seth: Maybe she likes what she sees. RM: Is she going to keep standing there? She’ll go when she gets the Shake Weight back right? Seth: Who knows but... oh God... that smell... [And in walks Slush, fresh (so to speak) from the tipped over Port-A-Potty. His clothes are... yeah... now a different color. Repulsed by the smell, HANA finally leaves.] Slush: What did I miss? RM: I think I’m going to vomit... Seth: Dude, you are rank. Slush: This has your MO all over it. Seth: I don’t deny it. Slush: I need to clean up. Seth: You know what that means... RM: Uh oh... Seth: TIME TO DRINK FROM THE FIRE HOSE! [We cut away back into the night as we zoom in on a green jeep driven by Stephanie Delacroix with Pablo O'Connor in the passenger seat pulling up into a strip mall's parking lot.] POC: I still don't understand this deal with Benson! SD: I know! POC: He has a GPS chip and an RFD chip and yet they cannot locate the [MEEP]ing [MEEP]?! SD: He's scared of you! POC: I think he is! He knows I want that Grand Master Typo Championship along with every other title there is to be had in the Mighty Bastard Championship and he rightfully assumed I was going to win the rumble and book my spot in the Bastardship of the Ring tournament and thusly concocted this scheme to avoid facing me! [The car comes to a halt and they look around at the businesses in the strip mall.] SD: OK.. he said it would be at this address... [They both look at the cellphone and then look around, mouthing numbers silently to themselves before..] POC: There! SD: We found it! POC: We found... [Their faces drop.] SD: A pet store?! POC: .... [MEEP]! [Delacroix lets out an angry sigh as she begins typing on her cellphone again.] SD: That old [MEEP]er better give us better directions! POC: [MEEP]! [Fade to commercial messages... ...and yes... ..we actually have a commercial! Fade in to see the side of a luxury cruise liner. The ship is majestic, and you see scenes of people swimming in the upper level pool, climbing on the rock wall, cheering as one wrestler leaps off the top rope and delivers a high-cross bodyblock, eating at a three star restaurant, and ducking as a wrestler runs by, wielding a chair, and smashing it over the head of another wrestler. A loud bombastic voice takes over narration.] RB: Avast, mateys! Richard Beaumont, "The Admiral of the Ring", here to tell all of you fans about the latest and greatest trend in our great sport- SEVEN SEAS WRESTLING! That's right- with a seven-day, six-night Caribbean Cruise, you can watch fantastic in-ring action every night! With the announce crew right at ringside and the cameras running, you'll receive a DVD of the matches at the end of your cruise. [A second voice, less bombastic and more incredulous, speaks up] BB: "Avast, mateys"? What are you, Captain Ahab? RB: Be quiet, Bobby! I'm telling the fans to come join the cruise and see all the great in-ring action. BB: OK! You don't have to act like you have ocean fever. Just show them some of my matches and they'll want to come. RB: Your matches? We're not trying to sell a cure for insomnia, Bobby! But once they see "The Admiral of the Ring", they'll be flocking to Seven Seas Wrestling! BB: Seven seas? Did you change the name again? RB: You be quiet! This is my league, and... BB: Your league? [The voices continue to argue as the images show more scene of wrestling on the deck of the ocean liner, along with scenes of the liner itself, finishing with the 24-hour buffet. A third voice finishes the narration.] TB: Seven Seas Wrestling... it's not just great. It's... [A full-sized shot of the entire Cruise ship, the SS McGinley, blowing the airhorn.] TB: ... Titanic. [Fade back to commercial darkness...] |
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Everything I learned about soccer, I learned from Dro. You are to refer to Katie as "The Duchess of Der Basterdmusen" as of June 2014. She'll get angry if you don't. You've been warned. | |
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| Overly_Critical_Jue | Jun 13 2012, 08:10 PM Post #2 |
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Amigo, I ain't anybody but Juan Vasquez!
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7:20 PM Jul 10