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[MBC] Unnamed Bastard Show Episode 4 Hour Two
Topic Started: Jun 25 2012, 09:33 PM (181 Views)
MBCKyle
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The Soda Dog Refreshment Squad
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Fade from commercial...

Once again we see Pinhead, this time a close up of his face. He looks uncomfortable.]

Pinhead: Okay... once was annoying.

[His face is flush and his hair is standing straight up.]

Pinhead: Twice was ridiculous.

[He looks rather pissed if you think on it.]

Pinhead: But three times?

[The camera moves back and then spins around to reveal that Pinhead is infact hanging upside down, arms tied behind his back.]

Pinhead: THIS IS [MEEP]ING STUPID! CUT ME THE [MEEP] DOWN!

[There is no one else in this darkened room save for two large man. Dressed head to toe in black leather, they say and do nothing to respond to Pinhead's demand. Instead, Pinhead sways slightly to the left and to the right as he struggles to be free.

Oh to be free.

The echoes of boots hitting cements echo through the room, demonstrating it to be rather large. Into the light steps the final woman, the final Ghost of Pinhead's Past as it were. Her entire body covered in the tightest blood red leather, the woman steps into view to reveal herself as Kathryn Elyson. Her long black hair is pulled into a braid that lays over her right shoulder. Her leather creeks as she leans over so Pinhead may see her face.]

KE: Is it sweet release that you desire?

Pinhead: You know damn well what I want.

KE: Oh Ian, you were always my favorite of the Unholy Three. Do you know why?

[Elyson stands straight. She gives the hanging form of Pinhead a once over before giving him a good spin.]

KE: Such a high tolerance for everything. Your partners were always... too uptight or too... what’s the word I'm looking for?

[She snaps her fingers, the two leather clad men speaking up.]

Leather Man #1: Insipid.

Leather Man #2: Weak willed.

KE: Both work.

[Elyson grabs hold of Pinhead, ceasing his spinning. She smiles.]

KE: Your tolerance is magnificent. Otherwise, I don't think whoever sent you that book would have chosen you. Are you tortured often?

Pinhead: It's just like what I said to the other two. I'm not giving you the book.

KE: Oh, I'm not interested in the book. I'm more interested in this "big bad" you're promising. Care to tell me what that will be?

Pinhead: Again, like I told the other two, I don't know what it is.

[A sly grin forms across Kathryn's lips. She holds out her hand and in it a long red rod is placed.]

KE: Do you know what this is?

Pinhead: A cattle prod.

KE: You're familiar I see.

Pinhead: Sadly.

KE: I like to call it my "agiel." Read the name in a novel I once read. Gave me goosebumps. And much like in the book, it shall be used to get you to tell me what I want to know.

Pinhead: That's not going...

[Kathryn suddenly and violently jabs the cattle prod into Pinhead's side. The crackling sounds of electricity reverberate throughout the large empty room. You'd expect Pinhead to scream in pain...

...but he doesn't.]

KE: Why isn't this working?

[Kathryn snaps her finger and the two leather men step forward.]

Leather Man #1 and #2: Mistress!

[Kathryn jabs the first Leather Man in the side...]

Leather Man #1: YEEAAAARRGGH!

[...and he falls to the floor, drooling and possibly wetting himself. She then jabs the second Leather Man...]

Leather Man #2: AAAAARRGGHH!

[...and he too falls over, eyes rolled into the back of the head.]

KE: Hrmm...

Pinhead: Bitch please, I've worked with Slush for sixteen years. Nothing shocks me. NOTHING.

KE: You'd be a fun toy at bondage parties.

Pinhead: I... what?

KE: No matter. I’m bored with you now. I must prepare for this Ladder Match.

Pinhead: Right, about that. Are you going to agree to the winner of this match getting the seat on the Board of Regents?

[Elyson crosses her arms and taps the end of her prod to her chin. It could be on. She may have a high tolerance for pain herself. Hell, who are we kidding...]

KE: Yes, I will agree to that. I assume with my approval the BU is now under the MBC umbrella?

Pinhead: More or less.

KE: Excellent, bringing Lord Vengeance back to the MBC will be easier than we thought.

[Elyson smiles and walks away leaving Pinhead hanging.]

Pinhead: This is [MEEP]y in so many ways.

[Fade back to the arena, specifically the announcer’s table. All three of our commentators are staring at their monitors in various ways of bewilderment. Slush has a new change of clothes and a towel wrapped around his head.]

Seth: Damn Rory. Your dad can take the juice! He’s hardcore!

Slush: I can take credit for that right? In a good way?

Seth: Rory, can you take that kind of juice?

RM: I’d rather not find out.

Seth: Imagine how many bar bets we could win.

RM: It looks like the Bastard Underground will now officially be a part of the MBC umbrella. And whoever wins the Ladder Match tonight gets say on how the BU is run.

Seth: Yeah, yeah. What other hidden talents do you have Rory?

Slush: Don’t bruise him too badly Seth. I bet I could sell his organs on the black market just I did his father’s.

RM: Right.... so if we’re under the umbrella, I guess that means we’ll be in the Bastardship of the Ring Tournament...But who?

["Hand of Doom" by Black Sabbath plays over the house speakers as the MBC fans in attendance loudly express their displeasure. It doesn't matter who's coming out, as long as they openly ally themselves to the Hand of Doom they're not going to get a warm welcome anyplace MBC related with only a couple of seconds. The jeers get louder as Johanna Suprema steps from behind the curtain with a smug look on her face and the Joint Light Heavyweight title slung over her right shoulder. Wasting no time acknowledging the fans, Johanna heads directly to the ring and grabs a microphone. Pausing only briefly to pose with the title she begins to speak, confident in her ability to be heard as she is carrying a microphone.]

Johanna: You should all know who I am by now, so I'm going to get right to the point. I am the current Joint Light Heavyweight Champion and I've defended it at every opportunity, no matter where the venue was or who was challenging me for the title. I've defended this belt against serious wrestlers, Fire Druids and random schmucks who thought they could take me because they thought I was tough.

I'm still the champion and that means, I've got a free shot at the One Ring or whatever it is they're calling it.

[The fans jeer at this news, as none of them are particularly interested in seeing Johanna Suprema represent the Bastard Underground. Not that she cares what the fans think, as she basically ignores them. Oh yes, I should mention Johanna is currently in her ring gear at the moment: black spandex shorts with a red stripe down the side, black sports bra with a Hand of Doom logo, black elbow pads and black wrestling shoes.]

Johanna: But contrary to popular belief, I'm not the sort of person who sits on her laurels. I'm quite happy to defend this title at any opportunity and that's why I'm offering an open challenge to anybody in the back: if you want a shot at my title, come and get it.

[The fans cheer the idea of a title defense but the cheers soon turn to boos as "Sunday Bloody Sunday" by U2 starts to play. A good song to be sure but since it's the entrance music of Tyler Tucker, whom the fans aren't any fonder of then Johanna, it doesn't exactly lighten the crowd's mood. The muscular Brit steps from behind the curtain wearing his own wrestling gear, a Union Jack themed wrestling singlet with matching boots and kneepads, and proudly wears the West Texas Championship around his waist. At his side is his father "Deadly" Dave Tucker, who is dressed in a beige business suit. The Tuckers pause for a moment to acknowledge the boos of the crowd with a rude gesture before walking down to the ring. Once in the ring, he and Johanna exchange respectful nods. The show of respect between two heels seems to annoy the fans even more.]

Tyler: Now the thing is, I get that people who carry old MBC gold get a shot at the One Ring. I understand that. What brasses me off, is the fact that the Bastard Stampede championships are considered old MBC gold. Pinhead made a ruling, since he has authority now that he holds the Bastardnomicon and all, that says so.

That means I should be getting into the tournament alongside you, but as nobody seems to agree with me on that point the only way I'm getting to that tournament is by taking that title from you.

Johanna: Obviously.

[By this point everybody with half a brain has figured out that Tyler has accepted Johanna's challenge, so it doesn't need to be explicitly stated. He didn't come to the ring just to chat after all.]

Tyler: However I do have a challenge of my own. I'll put the West Texas Championship on the line as well and this match will be fought Bastard Stampede style. No holds barred, no DQ, everything goes.

[Now this the crowd approves of. They may not be fond of either wrestler but they LOVE the idea of two heels beating the crap out of each other for their enjoyment. After all, this means that nobody they actually like gets hurt.]

Johanna: Challenge accepted Tucker. Let's get it on!

============================
WEST TEXAS/JOINT LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH
============================
JOHANNA SUPREMA (jt) vs TYLER TUCKER (wt)
============================

[There was more than a little respect between the two wrestlers. Both had felt slighted at various times: Suprema by those who didn't respect women wrestlers much less women trying to compete with men and Tucker who felt that his West Texas Championship should garner more respect. Both did deserve more but they weren't going to get any from the crowd. They circled up, the crowd now a mere afterthought. They came together collar to elbow and the action began.]

RM: Tucker easily out weights and overpowers Suprema here.

Seth: But she’s got the sexy factor.

RM: And she’s got the speed and agility. She breaks out of the lockup and has his arm pinned behind his back. She’s going to take a very methodical approach here.

[Tucker long had a reputation of being more underhanded with his tactics. Here though, he showed something rather unusual to his opponent: respect. This however did not stop him from using his size advantage to take control where opportunity allowed. Suprema was forced to use her speed and agility to maneuver out of Tucker’s power plays. The opening minutes of the match went much like this, feeling one another out and formulating a proper game plan.]

Slush: Dude, you can totally feel the sexual tension here.

RM: I don’t think that’s what you’re feeling.

Slush: Then I’m obviously watching too many fetish videos.

Seth: I don’t guess I can interest you in some new videos I acquired from Greece and Denmark.

Slush: Too many is never enough my friend.

[Quickly losing patience with the game of cat and mouse, Johanna began inserting quick strikes on Tucker when given the chance. She focused on his knees and lower legs, trying to keep him off his feet or if nothing else, taking away his foundation. But Tucker blocked well, countering with take downs and a variety of holds. Tucker wasn’t in this match to play games but he too was losing his patience. Though he would be respectful, he wasn’t going to tolerate losing.]

RM: Johanna Suprema is a definite student of MBC history. And she’ looks up to MBC Hall of Famer Blue Canary quite a bit.

Seth: Lamest name ever.

Slush: She’d make you her bitch in three seconds flat.

Seth: Let’s call her right now.

Slush: Can’t, I have a restraining order against me.

[Repeatedly, Suprema came after Tucker with martial arts style kicks to the side of the knee and to the side of his torso. Finally, Tucker managed to grab hold of Johanna’s legs and whip her to the mat. Holding on to the leg, he applied pressure, doing to her what she had done to him. She managed to escape. She came at him again but once more, he attacked her knee, weakening it further. Regardless, Johanna found her kicking attacks to be a strength. After taking Tucker down to a knee, she got him in the side of the head with a swift kick. Dazed, Tucker was left prone to whatever she may do. Suprema rose to her feet and ran for the ropes. She rebounded and on the return she attempted a Yakuza Kick.]

RM: Tucker catches Suprema by the leg... and he’s turning it into his patented Figure Four Deathlock.

Slush: Is he coping a feel on her butt?

Seth: It’s what I would do.

RM: He’s got her dead center in the ring. She’s trying to escape but he’s too well anchored. She’s reaching...







...but she taps! It’s over!

WINNER BY SUBMISSION AND NEW LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION:
Tyler Tucker
============================

RM: Tucker walks away the new Joint Light Heavyweight Champion, unifying the title with the West Texas Championship.

Slush: I bet he could melt all that gold down and make some nice bling.

Seth: Maybe we could make a fake set of belts and switch it with him.

Slush: We’d be in the money homey!

RM: Tyler Tucker will now represent the Bastard Underground in the Bastardship of the Ring Tournament, joining Jerry Titus from MBC-Lone Star and Pablo O’Conner from MBC-Alamo City.

[BA-DEEP!]

Seth: There’s your cell phone again.

Slush: Ah, the sweet, sweet beeps of segues.

[We cut away to the now familiar sight of the green jeep pulling into yet another parking lot. This one belonging to some seedy looking motel. The jeep comes to a halt and its driver, Stephanie Delacroix, and its passenger, Pablo O'Connor, take a long look at the motel and then..]

POC: [MEEP]!

[Stephanie massages the temples of her head while Pablo tries to contain the rage of twenty nuclear bombs from making his brain explode. O'Connor then slaps the jeep door.]

POC: [MEEP] it! Let's go get some good cajun food and get the [MEEP] out of this GOD FORSAKEN PLACE!

[Stephanie rolls her eyes.]

POC: GOD AS MY WITNESS I WILL THROTTLE THAT MAN BY HIS [MEEP]ING [MEEP] AND [MEEP]ING STOMP HIS..

[Delacroix holds up her hand.]

SD: Hold on, hold on!

POC: QUE?!

[Stephanie points to one of the rooms that has various colored lights flashing from behind the curtains and the ground seems to vibrate from loud music inside.]

SD: What's going on in there?

[They both watch for a few moments and then evil smiles creep on their faces.]

POC: POR SU PUESTO!

SD: They're having it in a motel room!

POC: It all makes sense now!

[They both excitedly climb out of the jeep and head towards the room. We see them from a distance as they knock on the door. The door opens and after a few moments they walk inside the room. The door closes.]

...

[And moments later the door flies open and Stephanie and Pablo FLEE from the room as fast as their legs will allow! They scramble to their jeep and jump inside. Delacroix has a look like she has seen horrors.]

SD: MY EYES! WASH MY EYES!

POC: What the [MEEP] was that?!

SD: BRAIN UNCLEAN! SOUL UNCLEAN!

POC: The UnGODLY things we saw going on in there...

SD: SCARRED INTO MY EYES FOREVER!

POC: [MEEP] this! [MEEP] New Orleans! We'll just find out who got in later and pull a Tonya Harding on them!

SD: MUST SMASH SOMEONE FOR WHAT WE JUST SAW THAT I CAN NOT UNSEE!

[Stephanie starts up the jeep and Pablo pulls out his cellphone.]

SD: What are you doing?!

POC: I am going to tell that [MEEP] what I think of his directions!

[They peel out of the parking lot as we cut away...]

[BA-DEEP!]

Slush: Sweet, another text.

RM: I don’t think...

Slush: Hmmmm... somehow... I think they’re not swingers.

Seth: Why? Let me see.

[Slush shows Seth the text.]

Seth: I’m pretty sure that’s not legal.

Slush: Lots of things aren’t legal. Doesn’t mean it’s not doable.

Seth: I didn’t say anything about doable. Still, that’s for a very niche market.

Slush: So you’re saying there’s a market for it?

Seth: Look hard enough and you’ll find a market for anything.

[Alas, for the last time, the house lights lower and the spotlights focus upon DJ Scott Baiowulf’s platform. He pours a forty out for his beats, and kicks off generic club music as the images on all three of his video boards begin to spin. The top one stops first, reading:

THIGHMASTER LADDER MATCH

The crowd erupts with cheers.]

RM: Looks like it is finally time for our main event.

Seth: Oh hey look!

Slush: Ah, damnit.

[From the entrance comes Pinhead, no worse for wear. The crowd greets him enthusiastically but he doesn’t seem to be in a good mood. He takes up the empty seat at the commentary table.]

Pinhead: Rory... son... I love you... but if you value your life and listen to your father, you’ll leave this place and never look back.

RM: But I...

Pinhead: Run hard. Run long. Run fast. For there will be no tomorrow in the underground.

RM: Uh... sure...

Slush: So where have you been?

[PUNCH~!

And down goes Slush.]

Pinhead: [MEEP]DAMN that felt good!

Seth: Man, he is out!

[Rather than rely on the video board to find out who is in the next match, the crowd already has knowledge of the participants. Now it’s just a matter of the order. “Her Black Wings” by Danzig starts to play and the crowd boils over with a chorus of boo’s, except of course for those loyal few in the crowd that follow the ways of the late great Styx, Wyoming. From the entrance comes Kathryn Elyson, dressed in her red leathers and followed by a virtual army of leather clad bruisers.]

RM: She’s got at least ten of those guys.

Pinhead: She’s obviously looking to turn things in her favor.

Seth: Or we’re suddenly having a bondage party.

[Pinhead glares at Seth.]

Seth: What?

Pinhead: You had best watch yourself.

[Abruptly, "Born Free" by M.I.A. replaces the Danzig tune. From the entrance comes the next challenger, Felicity Malone. Flanked on both sides by her army of bikers, Malone wisely was not going to enter this contest without backup. Elyson watches Malone’s entrance from the ring, idly playing with her long braid of hair, either evaluating her or deciding whether to respect the woman or not.]

RM: One thing that we haven’t talked about with this match is how much it is tied into the history of the Hand of Doom.

Pinhead: Yeah, I guess it does. Malone is a former member and did much to revitalize that group in the early 2000’s.

RM: Kathryn Elyson was a member herself until Crimson turned on Vengeance.

Pinhead: And where Vengeance goes, so goes the Elyson family.

RM: And of course there’s Kiora.

Pinhead: A very dangerous woman to have drink the Hand of Doom koolaid.

[With Felicity ringside, M.I.A. ‘s tune faded out. Then came the druids, dressed in robes most red. Then came "When You're Evil" by Voltaire. Finally, then came Kiora, the Thighmaster on a chain around her neck. She marches to ringside behind her druids and smugly examines her opponents as they do the same to her. In the ring, Kiora hands the Thighmaster to the referee who then attaches it to a cable that descended from the ceiling. Thighmaster secured, the cable retracts, positioning the prize for the match high above the center of the ring.]

Pinhead: Somehow, it always comes to ladder matches for the Thighmaster.

RM: Why is that?

Pinhead: Couldn’t tell you. People just like doing stupid crap for chunks of plastic.

RM: And silicon.

Pinhead: True that. People love their silicon.

RM: The druids, leather men and bikers have taken up position outside the ring. It’s time for this to begin.

============================
THIGHMASTER LADDER MATCH
============================
KIORA DONAVON (k) vs KATHRYN ELYSON vs FELICITY MALONE
============================

[As soon as the bell rang, all three women stood back in their respective corners, still sizing one another up. But it wasn't this last minute evaluation that was keeping the action from beginning. Though the women's eyes were at first locked on one another, they soon turned to the ladder which the Bastard Underground crew had placed along the far wall, opposite of Baiowulf's platform. It was a nice ladder, brand new and shiny. But for some unknown reason, once the bell rang, nearby members of the audience had swarmed it, bull rushing security. The ladder was then lifted into the air, starting a journey via means of crowd surfing.]

Seth: Whoa, the crowd is stealing the ladder.

Pinhead: That's some fantastic security you guys have here.

RM: Security is trying to go after it but the crowd is too big.

Pinhead: Are they chanting?

Crowd: COME AND GET IT~!

CLAP~! CLAP~! CLAPCLAPCLAP~!

COME AND GET IT~!

CLAP~! CLAP~! CLAPCLAPCLAP~!

RM: I can only surmise that due to the raised stakes of this match, the fact that the winner of this match and presumed Keeper of the Thighmaster will gain control of the Underground, the audience is making sure that whoever wins this match earns it.

Pinhead: Accountability... so strange to see it in action.

[With the ladder on the move, Felicity leaned back in her corner and smirked. It was something she'd likely do herself. Kiora on the other hand remained stoic. Kathryn Elyson took a more direct approach. She walked to the side of the ring, leaned over the top rope and yelled at her army of leather men.]

KE: What the Hell are you waiting for? GO GET IT!

[Not wanting to be left behind, Felicity gave her biker crew a subtle nod, sending them off into the crowd. Kiora barked orders for her Druids to do the same. Once, ringside was filled with cannon fodder. Now it stood barren like an old street in the Wild West. Her troops on the move, Kiora charged Elyson, attacking her from behind. Elyson fell to the mat as Kiora turned to go after Felicity. Malone ducked and gave Kiora a haymaker. The two women started to brawl, allowing Elyson to get to her feet. Rather than stand back and let the two bruisers tear into each other, Elyson allowed her anger to get the better of her. The leather clad vixen joined the fray.]

RM: This match has become an early brawl inside the ring....

Crowd: COME AND GET IT~!

CLAP~! CLAP~! CLAPCLAPCLAP~!

COME AND GET IT~!

CLAP~! CLAP~! CLAPCLAPCLAP~!

Pinhead: And if security can't get control, it's going to be a riot outside. The leather men, bikers and druids are swimming through that crowd but the audience isn't letting any of them get close to the ladder.

Seth: May I wax poetic for a moment?

Pinhead: Keep one thing in mind. I consider you a disciple of Slush. I will do to you what I did to him just a few minutes ago.

Seth: Then I shall remain silent.

Pinhead: For someone who listens to that fool, you're rather smart when you want to be.

Seth: Can I get a "what! What!"?

[PUNCH~!]

RM: Really Dad?

Pinhead: He annoys me.

RM: I didn't think this would be the example you'd want to set. You know, for your son.

Pinhead: Lesson Number One: Always punch a Danza when you can.

[With the insanity going on in the crowd, things, surprisingly, were more subdued inside the ring, at least by MBC standards. The three women were brawling heavily. Not keen on the brawling style herself, Elyson found herself at the mercy of both Malone and Donavon. However, the pain was something that Elyson much loved. With that pain, she gained focus and happiness. Such was her way. So after having her face bashed in the turnbuckle by both women before they turned on one another, Elyson saw clearly for the first time. She began her own preferred style of offense, striking at pressure points and joints.]

Pinhead: There's that sick twisted smile I saw earlier.

RM: She's just about the most precise striker I've ever seen.

Pinhead: To work that style, you have to be incredibly accurate.

Crowd: COME AND GET IT~!

CLAP~! CLAP~! CLAPCLAPCLAP~!

COME AND GET IT~!

CLAP~! CLAP~! CLAPCLAPCLAP~!

[The armies of leather, robe and chain continued to work their way through the crowd as Elyson brought both Donavon and Malone low with her painful strikes. In the process, Elyson monkey flipped Donavon straight into the corner, leaving her slumped on the bottom turnbuckle. With one enemy sated, Elyson concentrated on Malone’s neck, doing all in her power to make sure that Malone could not move her head. Elyson continued her focus, smiling as she heard her leather men plowing through the people. She refused to be denied.]

Pinhead: Leather men look to be...

[BA-DEEP!]

Pinhead: What was that?

RM: Slush’s cellphone.

Pinhead: Was he texting during the show?

[As Pinhead reached down to pick up Slush’s cell phone, Kiora Donavon shook off her daze and snuck up behind Elyson. Though Kathryn was doing quite a good job of wearing down Malone’s neck, Donavon wasn’t going to allow the leather clad woman to take such liberties with her face. Kiora ran to the ropes and upon the rebound, she hit Elyson in the back of the head with a spinning heel kick. Malone went free, Elyson went down and Donavon was on top of the originator of the TMK, raining down punches.]

Pinhead: Good God, this is disgusting.

RM: Slush’s phone?

Pinhead: I’ve never seen such depraved things. You know what, I’m putting an end to this.

[Pinhead stood and shoved the phone down the front of his pants.

CA-CLICK~!]

Pinhead: Now Slush has to deal with the consequences.

[Donavon wrenched Elyson up to her feet and drove her into the corner, then putting the boots to her midsection. Elyson grunted with each successive kick but in her own twisted way, she enjoyed it. Happy to dole out the pain Elyson so loved, Kiora kept it coming, next shoulder blocking her repeatedly in Elyson’s lower ribs. But Felicity was right behind her, shocking her first with a kidney punch and then a standing neckbreaker. When Elyson tried to move from the corner, Felicity took her over with a belly to belly suplex.]

RM: It appears as if the bikers are the first to get to the ladder.

Pinhead: Druids are close behind and...

RM: The crowd is raising it up to the fans on that upper platform. How did they get up there? That area is closed off.

Pinhead: Doesn’t matter. Those fans now have the ladder and making a run for it.

Crowd: COME AND GET IT~!

CLAP~! CLAP~! CLAPCLAPCLAP~!

COME AND GET IT~!

CLAP~! CLAP~! CLAPCLAPCLAP~!

[Seeing where the ladder was going, Felicity hopped out of the ring and rushed up the aisle. She gave the scaffolding that Baiowulf sat upon a look and started to climb the metal structure, finding it to be the fastest way to get to that second level platform. Seeing this, Kiora’s Druids and Elyson’s Leather Men ran after her in hopes of pulling her down.]

Pinhead: Felicity making quick work of that climb. I suppose you have to with all those people on your tail.

RM: Her bikers run interference and now we’ve got a massive brawl under the platform.

Pinhead: They’re knocking right into it. It’s starting to look shaky.

[The crowd wisely moved away from the shaking platform. Fleet of foot, Felicity made it to the second level and hopped on to the more solid catwalk. Not wanting to risk his own injury, DJ Scott Baiowulf joined her. The brawling armies weren’t as safe and their reckless behavior lead to one violent collision after the other until...

CCCRAAAASH!!

The scaffolding fell, taking a part of the catwalk with it. The catwalk itself did not come completely down as the scaffold did, instead leaving a handy incline from the second level to the arena floor. Baiowulf went tumbling, though Felicity held on. Her footing secure, she’s hauled up the ramp and towards the group of fans who had the ladder.]

Pinhead: I don’t believe anyone was hurt but those idiots brawling near the scaffold could have gotten somebody killed.

RM: I guess this means lawsuit?

[Stirring from the after effects of Felicity’s attacks, both Kiora and Kathryn realized what was going down and left the ring. Of course, as they went up the aisle they couldn’t help but take pot shots at one another. Before a brawl could erupt completely, they both had to begin barking orders at their respective armies to get out of the way. Meanwhile, Felicity came face to face with the fans with the ladder. Oh how they cheered.]

Crowd: YOU CAME AND GOT IT~!

CLAP~! CLAP~! CLAPCLAPCLAP~!

Crowd: YOU CAME AND GOT IT~!

CLAP~! CLAP~! CLAPCLAPCLAP~!

[Felicity wrenched the ladder away from the fans and turned to drag it back the way she came. But she found that both Elyson and Donavon were upon her. A split second later she found herself the victim of a double superkick. Felicity collapsed to the catwalk as the short-lived alliance between Elyson and Donavon dissolved, a brawl starting again. Alas, the ladder went over the side of the railing and hit the concrete floor below.]

Pinhead: Fans are going for it again but the bikers cut them off.

RM: Leather men and druids are making the assist, but now they’re all going for it. It’s become a tug-o-war with the ladder. It may not....

[CRREEAAKK~!]

RM: That’s not good.

Pinhead: Something with the ladder just broke. Its integrity may be compromised.

RM: It’s what you’ve always warned me about dad.

Pinhead: Indeed. The metaphor between match and life.

[Kiora hit Elyson with an European uppercut, followed by a nasty headbutt. Elyson slumped against the wall, allowing Kiora to charge down the broken catwalk and back to the floor. She jumped into the fray for the ladder, her presence energizing the druids to new levels of brutality. The ladder taken from the leather men and bikers, the druids handed the ladder to their mistress and formed around her.]

RM: It’s a Flying V. We had those in Pee Wee Football.

Pinhead: And Pee Wee Hockey.

RM: Really? I don’t remember that.

Pinhead: You were a very concussable child Rory.

[The bikers and leather men were quick to throw themselves in the way of the Flying V but the phalanx of Hand of Doom sponsored thugs proved to be hard to stop. Back on the catwalk Elyson pushed herself to her feet. For a moment she pondered assisting Felicity. The enemy of her enemy was her friend in most cases. But in the Underground, the enemy of your enemy was just another enemy. So Elyson took off down the ramp and tried to catch Donavon from behind.]

Pinhead: Donavon has the ladder in the ring. We could soon find out if that ladder will stand up after the punishment it’s taken.

RM: Elyson coming up the ramp and catches Kiora from behind the two of them are brawling. Druids and leather men moving in around them in what looks like a bar room brawl.

Pinhead: Here comes Felicity back down the aisle. She’s bleeding both from the mouth and the nose. Her bikers are forming a path around all the confusion.

RM: Elyson sees Malone and is trying to get away but she just had her knee kicked out by Donavon. There goes Kiora into the ring.

[Making a desperate attempt to get the ladder setup before Malone could get into the ring, Kiora stood it upright but had trouble getting it to open properly. As the bikers clashed with their HoD and House of Elyson equivalents, Malone slipped into the ring and spear tackled Kiora to the mat. She mounted and struck. As she did so, Elyson returned to the ring and went to work on the ladder. Having some success with getting it to open, stability was another matter. She started her climb but Felicity grabbed her by the hair braid and yanked her off. Felicity started her own climb but a now bloodied Kiora started to ascend the other side. The two brawled as they climbed. Getting near the top, the stability of the ladder became a greater factor. Soon enough...

CRREEAAKK~!

The sounds of twisted metal caused the two women to take pause.

And then Kathryn Elyson stood beneath the ladder. She put her back to one side and her legs to the other and pushed.

CRREEAAAAA--

--

--

--SCREAAAAACKK~!]

Pinhead: That ladder just split! Both Kiora and Felicity go crashing!

RM: This is going to be a problem.

Pinhead: Other than the broken ladder?

RM: We only have the budget for one stolen ladder. They’re going to have to improvise here.

[Her adversaries rolling around in pain, Kathryn pulled up one section of the ladder and moved it to the corner. Leaning it up against the rope, Elyson climbed the turnbuckle and carefully stood. She cautiously dragged the ladder towards her. Lining it up with the dangling Thghmaster, she sprung off the top rope and used the broken ladder almost like a pole vault. As the ladder teetered slowly away from the turnbuckle and into the opposite direction, maintaining her balance as much as she could, Kathryn climbed the steps.]

RM: Elyson is walking the broken ladder like a set of stilts!

Pinhead: My God, if she can pulls this off...

RM: KIORA HAS THE OTHER PIECE OF THE LADDER! SHE RAMS IT INTO THE STILT! ELYSON GOES FLYING DOWN TO THE OUTSIDE OF THE RING!

Pinhead: Her leather men are there to catch her but the pile still falls. She may have hit her head in all that mess down there.

[One opponent out of the ring and another still hurting from her own fall, Kiora said [MEEP] it and called for the druids to enter the ring. Six of them did so. Kiora pointed to the ladder and ordered them to hold it up. Quick to follow orders, the robed figures took one side of the shattered ladder and propped it up so Kiora could climb. Though unstable, she began her climb, the prized Thighmaster in sight.]

Pinhead: Felicity is back to her feet. She signaling to her bikers and here they come!

RM: Six bikers have entered the ring and are keeping the druids from raising it any higher!

Pinhead: Malone has jumped onto the ladder.

Slush: Uuhhh....

RM: The beast! He stirs!

[With the druids and bikers fighting for control of the ladder, they could no longer keep it upright. With Felicity and Kiora still on it, the ladder laid flat across the arms and shoulders of its carriers. Kiora and Felicity stood upon the makeshift platform, balance delicate as can be, and inched towards one another. There, upon the devastated metal construct that floated on a sea of humanity, the two women traded blows.]

Slush: Is... is that a human pyramid?

Pinhead: Somewhat.

Slush: Human... centipede?

RM: Donavon and Malone trading one punch right after the other. It’s not about damage. It’s about knocking them off the ladder

Slush: Your son... speaks... the obvious...

[PUNCH~!]

RM: Dad are you feeling alright?

Pinhead: My hand hurts but my soul feels FANTASTIC!

[The shaky platform continued to wobble as both groups of bikers and druids tried to take full control. The ebbs and flows of the women’s battle found themselves transferred to the war of the armies below. Neither getting a result, Kiora and Felicity backed away from the other, giving themselves space to breath and balance. Outside the ring, Elyson was stirring. If the Malone and Donavon wanted to get to the Thighmaster, it had to be soon. The crowd was busy chanting...]

Crowd: TWO WOMEN ENTER! ONE WOMAN LEAVES!

TWO WOMEN ENTER! ONE WOMAN LEAVES!

TWO WOMEN ENTER! ONE WOMAN LEAVES!

TWO WOMEN ENTER! ONE WOMAN LEAVES!

[Between the chants, Felicity yelled at the top of her lungs to her bikers.]

Felicity Malone: TWIST IT!

[The message was short. And her bikers understood her enough to know what she demanded of them. Felicity jumped into the air as the bikers took what control they had over the ladder to violently twist one side upwards. The druids could do nothing to prevent it. Any action they attempted only made the motion worse. Unprepared for what the bikers did, Kiora could not maintain her balance and she fell to the ring. The ladder came back flat as the bikers held domain. Felicity fell flat on her back of the rungs of the ladder.

But she remained on top of it.]

Pinhead: Felicity alone on the ladder! But she's hurting badly.

RM: Kiora getting to her feet but... LOOK OUT!

[From the crowd came a figure in a long coat. She easily dodged the leather men and bikers outside the ring. The druids were too busy trying to gather themselves to stop what was coming. The new woman slid into the ring...]

RM: HANA! HANA IS IN THE RING WITH THE MBC SHAKE WEIGHT!

Pinhead: Shake weight? What the Hell did I miss?

RM: SPINNING HEEL KICK TO KIORA'S HEAD! DONAVON GOES DOWN AND THE DRUIDS ARE IN A STATE OF DISARRAY!

[With their leader fallen, the bikers manage to push the druids completely away. The remaining bikers outside the ring start pulling the druids out of the ring whether they liked it or not. Felicity rolled over, taking the runs of the ladder into her firm grasp. Slowly the angle of the ladder began to increase. Carefully planting the base, they raised it. Had a picture been taken it would clearly be reminiscent of the flag raising at Iwo-Jima. Instead of the flag it was Felicity Malone, ascending to the top of the ladder.]

Pinhead: The Thighmaster is just out of her reach. Stability is questionable at best.

RM: Donavon stirring... ELYSON ROLLS BACK INTO THE RING!

Pinhead: Are either of them cognizant enough to stop Felicity? They're not going to get through those bikers

RM: Elyson is going after the ladder...

Pinhead: Felicity has the tip of her finger on it! But the ladder is wobbling with Elyson attacking the bikers!

Slush: Oh.... my head...

Seth; Can I stop faking being knocked out now?

[KICK~!]

Seth: OUCH! [MEEP] DAMNIT THAT HURT!

RM: ELYSON WITH A FIRM HOLD ON THE LADDER!

Slush: WHY ARE WE SHOUTING!

Pinhead: FELICITY GRABS THE THIGHMASTER! SHE HAS DONE IT! WE HAVE A NEW KEEPER!

Slush: But what about the Shake Weight?

WINNER AND NEW KEEPER: Felicity Malone
============================

RM: Felicity Malone now holds the power in the Bastard Underground. It’s been way too long since we’ve had a solid direction to go into.

Pinhead: Is it a direction you want?

RM: You see the alternatives?

Pinhead: True that.

Slush: She has a sister doesn’t she? Think she’ll go out with me?

Pinhead: There are two women in that equation and both of them would rather gut you than consider a date.

Seth: Sounds promising. You should totally do that dude.

Pinhead: Where’s the exit?

[The final images of inside the area show Felicity raising the Thighmaster above her head, her bikers pumping their fists with celebration. Those images fade to black... but... white text appears...]

THE NEXT DAY

THE PORT OF NEW ORLEANS

[The scene fades from the black to an image of a cruise ship. On the side it reads S.S. MCGINLEY. Nearby, standing on the dock are Pinhead and Slush. Slush, as is his custom, looks confused at what he sees before him.]

Slush: You know, he always had great hair. It never changed from Happy Days to the Love Boat.

[Pinhead ignores Slush, per usual, instead signing off what luggage they have to the baggage handlers for the cruise ship.]

Pinhead: You’ll have to speak up Slush. It’s hard to understand you when I’m ignoring you so successfully.

Slush: So this is where we’re going next?

Pinhead: Yep. Cruise Ship Wrestling.

Slush: Really? Even I think that’s stupid.

Pinhead: Your opinion is the worst way to rate anything. You find things like apple sauce stupid.

Slush: Well it is! And I find having to get on this ship just as stupid. Who puts a damn wrestling territory on a cruise ship? That’s like putting baby [MEEP] on a saltine cracker. Let me tell you...

[Slush goes quiet as he sees something in the distance.]

Slush: Hey Pinhead?

Pinhead: Yes?

Slush: Are jeeps amphibious?

Pinhead: I think it’s safe to say no.

Slush: Good.

[The camera pans to the horizon. There at the other end of the dock sits a green Jeep, its engine revving and seeking revenge.]

Slush: Can we get on board?

[The camera zooms in upon the driver, Pablo O’Connor, his eyes thin with rage, his knuckles white from gripping the steering wheel so tightly. Next to him in the passenger seat is his wife Stephanie, tears running down her face, likely from the startling image she received earlier.]

Pinhead: That’s why we’re here.

Slush: Then go. GO! GO NOW!

[We fade out to black...

...but we hear the squealing of tires...]

Slush: RUN [MEEP] DAMNIT! RUN!

[Fade.]
Everything I learned about soccer, I learned from Dro.

You are to refer to Katie as "The Duchess of Der Basterdmusen" as of June 2014. She'll get angry if you don't. You've been warned.
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