First Tangle in Tampa Dark Match

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First Tangle in Tampa Dark Match; cut because Blue hated the name
Tweet Topic Started: Jul 20 2012, 04:29 AM (258 Views)
sychosys	Jul 20 2012, 04:29 AM Post #1
This Space For Rent Posts: 4,192 Group: Super Members Member #300 Joined: March 18, 2008	PW: Ladies and gentlemen, this next match is a special bonus attraction, and is set for one fall. In the ring at this time, from Anderson, South Carolina, weighing in at 174 pounds, ANDY BLUE! [One half of the Blue Brothers, the blindingly white Andy Blue does his traditional hand raise to the traditional no reaction.] PW: And his opponent... [The distinctively thick, pulsating bass of Led Zepplin's "Kashmir" fills the air, as an INCREDIBLY huge figure steps out from the back.] PW: Making his professional wrestling debut, from Tampa, Florida, weighing in at 327 pounds, this is HASSELHOFF! [The lights shine off of the bald head of the man known simply as Hasselhoff, just as simply attired in black trunks, black elbow pads, black gloves, and black kneepads, the only accessory he allows himself being the menacing goatee that accentuates his snarl, as he pounds his own chest with alternating blows during his stalk to the ring, the crowd buzzing in confusion and anticipation.] BW: Gordo, I saw this guy in Golds Gym this morning! I couldn't believe the weight he was benching! The regulars say that he's always the first guy in and the last guy out, and that he lives for nothing more than to make himself as big and strong as physically possible! GM: What were you doing in Golds Gym!? BW: Hey, you don't get ripped like this by accident! GM: Fans, I'm being told that this MASSIVE man Hasselhoff just simply showed up backstage this evening and asked for a match...and that Jim Watkins took one look at him and put this together for tonight! BW: Even I'd have to say that was a smart move by Watkins. Would YOU want to be the man to say no to this guy? [As Hasselhoff steps through the ropes and turns to raise his arms to the increasing intrigued crowd, a terrified Andy Blue quickly assesses the situation, and realizes that he has only two options: run like hell, or attack from behind. In perhaps the second act of bravado of his life (the first one being becoming a professional wrestler with a body like that), he chooses the latter, rushing forward and clubbing the massive back of Hasselhoff. After three such blows, a perturbed Hasselhoff turns around, looking only like he has been rudely interrupted, the attention proving enough to allow referee Mickey Meekly to order the bell be rung.] GM: Well I give credit to Andy Blue for taking the fight to this HUGE man, but I think it's time to consider Plan B. [Figuring as much out for himself, Blue rushes backwards, off the far ropes, getting a head of steam for some sort of attack, the likes of which we will never know, as Hasselhoff takes a step forward and hits Blue with what doesn't resemble a clothesline so much as a wall of bicep slamming straight into his opponent's forehead, knocking him down in a sickening two-bounce thud.] BW: More like time to call his lawyer and confirm that his Last Will and Testament is in order! GM: The referee should check, as Blue may be out there...well, he's getting up, or rather, being dragged up by Hasselhoff, who pushes him back into the corner. Hasselhoff, getting a grip under the arms of Andy Blue and...oh, my _stars_ and garters! [The crowd lets out a shocked gasp as, with a firm grip under the arms, Hasselhoff takes a stutter step backwards, pivots, and LAUNCHES Andy Blue end over end through the air towards the far corner, throwing him SO hard and far that Blue's legs bounce off of the second rope as he lands on his back, folding him up like an accordion, the rebound sending him head over heels, finally ending up face down near the center of the ring!] BW: Gordo, I have NEVER seen a human being propelled like that in all of my life! GM: I'm not sure that this Hasselhoff guy himself even knows just how strong he is! Mickey Meekly would be well within his rights to stop this match right now BW: Too late! Here comes Hasselhoff! GM: Andy Blue is not helping here, Hasselhoff is picking up dead weight. Blue is no super heavyweight, but Hasselhoff is walking around with him like he weighs NOTHING! Hasselhoff in the center of the ring, what is he going to...Hasselhoff squats low and... [With incredible thrust, Hasselhoff launches himself and Andy Blue upwards. When the massive legs have nowhere left to push, the massive arms take over, propelling Blue still higher. When the arms have reached their limit, Blue is already almost nine feet above the ring...but his body keeps going. A roar goes through the crowd, as the incredible propulsion of Hasselhoff sends Andy Blue nearly five feet over his head!] GM & BW: OH MY GOD!!!!! [Finally, as it must, gravity wins. Having somehow regained consciousness, Andy Blue flails in midair, trying to fly away. But he cannot fly, he can only fall into the waiting arms of Hasselhoff, who, upon catching his foe, twists with great torque to place himself on top, letting gravity complete this press powerslam, both men bouncing a full six inches off the mat before coming to rest, Mickey Meekly quickly diving in to make the count.] GM: The word powerslam does not do that move justice! BW: You can count to infinity, this one is over! [Indeed, the three count is academic, and the bell mercifully signals the end, Hasselhoff leaping up and slamming the top rope on all four sides of the ring, the pulsing beat of "Kashmir" sending himself and the crowd even further into a frenzy.] PW: Here is your winner, Tampa's own...HASSELHOFF!!! GM: What a dangerous, DANGEROUS man this Hasselhoff is, Bucky! [The awestruck crowd chants "HAS-SEL-HOFF! HAS-SEL-HOFF! HAS-SEL-HOFF!", but, as if needing to return to the gym at once, the man known as Hasselhoff quickly exists the ring and stalks down the aisle to the back.] BW: Todd Michaelson, if you're listening, then do your real job and RUN, don't walk, to find this guy and sign him up for the Combat Center before he leaves the building! GM: I don't know if we'll ever see this man again Bucky, but if he should decide to train to become a wrestler, then I'm not sure that there's a man on this earth that can possibly stop him!



Overly_Critical_Jue	Jul 20 2012, 12:09 PM Post #2
Amigo, I ain't anybody but Juan Vasquez! Posts: 5,632 Group: Super Members Member #15 Joined: January 17, 2005	Petrow officially has too much time on his hands.



JRuss	Jul 20 2012, 12:27 PM Post #3
Sharko Posts: 475 Group: Members Member #306 Joined: April 8, 2008	Overly_Critical_Jue,Jul 20 2012 12:09 PM Petrow officially has too much time on his hands. Are we still waiting on Greene/Greene?



Mozeart	Jul 20 2012, 09:38 PM Post #4
Sheik-ee, Sheik-ee, give me your answer do... Posts: 1,860 Group: Super Members Member #43 Joined: February 28, 2005	Petrow ... you must run Hasselhoff ... as a HEIDENREICH homage.
	And it was at this moment that the entire world realized, in unison, that tandem bicycles were AWESOME~!


sychosys	Jul 20 2012, 10:35 PM Post #5
This Space For Rent Posts: 4,192 Group: Super Members Member #300 Joined: March 18, 2008	He's still trying to get into the Combat Center. It will be at least 2013 before Hasselhoff will be ready to get in the ring without crippling someone.



Wug	Jul 21 2012, 01:18 AM Post #6
Custom member title! Posts: 124 Group: Members Member #1,923 Joined: June 2, 2011	Was expecting a Zangief-esque spinning piledriver.



Robfathah	Jul 21 2012, 01:29 AM Post #7
The Wisdom Cube Posts: 156 Group: Members Member #186 Joined: March 20, 2006	Wug,Jul 21 2012 01:18 AM Was expecting a Zangief-esque spinning piledriver. Defending Russia's skies!



Overly_Critical_Jue	Jul 21 2012, 02:05 AM Post #8
Amigo, I ain't anybody but Juan Vasquez! Posts: 5,632 Group: Super Members Member #15 Joined: January 17, 2005	We need him to do a spinning lariat, so Von Braun's fireballs pass through him harmlessly.



sychosys	Jul 21 2012, 05:43 AM Post #9
This Space For Rent Posts: 4,192 Group: Super Members Member #300 Joined: March 18, 2008	Well, if Blue doesn't want him, I guess he'll fit in alright in Fighting Spirit...



tootie mcbootie	Jul 21 2012, 08:08 AM Post #10
The King of the Battle Royals! Posts: 114 Group: Members Member #291 Joined: February 21, 2008	I always had some trouble pulling off the Spinning Piledriver with any sort of regularity, and yet the AI could always do it no problem. What the heck? It only got crazier when you needed to do two 360 motions to perform Zangief's ultimate attack.



Mozeart	Jul 21 2012, 06:31 PM Post #11
Sheik-ee, Sheik-ee, give me your answer do... Posts: 1,860 Group: Super Members Member #43 Joined: February 28, 2005	tootie mcbootie,Jul 21 2012 08:08 AM I always had some trouble pulling off the Spinning Piledriver with any sort of regularity, and yet the AI could always do it no problem. What the heck? It only got crazier when you needed to do two 360 motions to perform Zangief's ultimate attack. Jump, jab, rotate, make contact, punch and BOOM! Easy peasy.
	And it was at this moment that the entire world realized, in unison, that tandem bicycles were AWESOME~!


Overly_Critical_Jue	Jul 21 2012, 06:33 PM Post #12
Amigo, I ain't anybody but Juan Vasquez! Posts: 5,632 Group: Super Members Member #15 Joined: January 17, 2005	Protip: It's not a 360...but rather, it's a 270 circular motion starting at forward.


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