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| OLYMPICS DAY 2 | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Oct 15 2012, 03:15 PM (318 Views) | |
| MBCKyle | Oct 15 2012, 03:15 PM Post #1 |
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The Soda Dog Refreshment Squad
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[We cut to the main strip of businesses in what passes for downtown Styx. The streets appear empty despite it being mid-afternoon and things are quiet -- perhaps TOO quiet. Yet despite the fact that this could pass for a backdrop for a Romero zombie flick, one man clad in a black duster and a wide brimmed hat strides down the street nonchalantly. Check that. One man...and his cock.] Trice: Bok-bok! [Yep. Trice is perched on the shoulder of Ryu Osawa. There is a single blade of grass clenched between his teeth. The Reverend/GMT Champion's eyes drift casually down the stretch of road.] Ryu: [holding onto the grass blade.] Somebody totally needs to be playing a harmonica for this! [Ennio Morricone is weeping openly right now. Anyway, the faint sounds of music can actually be heard, though the specifics of the song can't quite be made out. Popping the blade of grass back between his teeth, Ryu nods to himself, eliciting an indignant cluck from Trice, then crosses the street and pushes open the swinging doors of a nearby dive bar. With all the scowls, growls and grimaces on their faces, it's obvious the bar patrons aren't happy. But for once, Ryu isn't the source of the Stygians' irritation. No, that would be the young lady currently serenading the bar -- one Amber Rogers. And her latest song is...] AR: #Yeah, you know me very well# #See me perform every day# #I know you've always looked before# #And know I take your breath away# [And she's got her own version of a Bee Gees song. The people of Styx may be backwards, but they aren't appreciative of disco. Or maybe they don't appreciate Amber. You decide.] #Here I am in your town's life# #Showing I'm the best for you# #And I'll be working day and night# #To showcase all the things I do # Ryu: [smiling] Kinda catchy, don't you think? [No.] Ryu: She definitely has a certain something... Trice: Bawk? AR: #Behind the mic that is my paradise# #My way to bring you happiness# #The things I sing will make your heart just fly# #Oh say I'll always be your baby# #Who can make it shine# #Who will perform forever# #Entertain you all the time# [At this point, though, an individual -- one can only assume he is the manager of this establishment -- has now approached the stage at which Amber continues her karaoke. He pulls the plug on the karaoke machine, taking Amber by surprise.] Manager: All right, enough for one night. Yes, we do appreciate the beautiful music you bring us.. AR: [pouting] So _why_ would you cut me off?! I wasn't even finished! Manager: Yes, but you've been doing this for two hours straight and we have a waiting list to go through! And we don't want to keep people waiting, because most of them happen to be related to Sheriff Roy Beam... Bar patrons: HIS FRIENDS CALL HIM LASER! Manager: And they are getting impatient! Believe me, you don't want to find out what Roy Beam does to those convicted of hogging the karaoke! [Amber's pouty look remains for a moment... but then it's replaced by a smile.] AR: Oh, I get it... tonight is family night! Well, I know my fans here will be disappointed, but I understand the kids will want to take their turn. And I don't want to be rude to the kids! [She then turns to the crowd, waving.] AR: I love you all... come cheer for me in the Bastard Olympics! [With that, she walks off the stage. Ryu straightens his hat and grins.] Ryu: I feel...I feel the calling upon me! [Something tells me you're thinking 'biblical' in a totally wrong way, 'Reverend'.] Ryu: Oh hush. [Osawa strides over to Amber] Amber, my dear! What a happy and remarkable coincidence to find such a familiar face here! [His grins grows broader] Truly, this is a blessed sign... [Amber pauses, a bit taken aback... but then she smiles.] AR: Oh, an adoring fan! And from Japan? I heard my latest CD was in the top 10 in Japan! Ryu: Yes, yes...y'know, perhaps we should take this time to get to know one another better. Perhap over cof-- AR: And I remember what you did on the cruise line... you were starting a new church! I bet you are here to ask me about music! Ryu: Well, maybe I... AR: Well, if there's one thing every church needs, it's a choir! And who better than ME to be the director! Trice: Bok-bok-bawk! [It's a rare thing to hear a rooster chuckle. As for the good reverend, he is completely taken off-guard by Amber's zeal. Too bad her zeal has nothing to do with carnal delights.] Ryu: [sputtering] Wait--but--?! AR: No, there's no need to wait for me to decide whether or not to accept -- I accept your offer right now! And just in time for the Olympics... why, the church can establish its foundation here and then we can start soliciting donations! [She pats Ryu on the shoulder.] AR: Don't worry... I won't let you down! Just wait until you see what I present during the karaoke competition! But first, I need to get to writing... I'll be looking you up during opening ceremonies! [With that, Amber departs. Ryu's shoulders sink at Amber's departure. He sighs, gamely trying to put his best face forward.] ===================================== 2012 BASTARD OLYMPICS ===================================== DAY TWO - TESTS OF SOBRIETY ===================================== [The logo fades, taking us straight to the Olympic Broadcast Center which is nestled deep in the Grizzly Bryant War Memorial Stadium. Playing for George Washington before he was killing redcoats, you dig? Sitting behind the desk (made of endangered trees and animals no doubt) is a four man team. One is the old school MBCer James “Fiend Machine” Tempo. Next to him is the man of many hats but only one nickname, Roy Beam. Do you call him Laser?] Slush: I'm telling you right now. Working two days in a row isn't going to work for me. [Pause.] Slush: And really, neither is two hours. Pinhead: Just grin and bear it Slush. [Next to Tempo and Beam are of course two men who'd rather not be there. One has red hair that is rabidly graying and a University of Alabama baseball style T-shirt. It’s Ian McAllister, also known as Pinhead.] Slush: Where'd you get that shirt? [And the other, wearing a shirt with the logo for the cinematic classic "Porky's" is Slush.] Pinhead: Threw a stick. Came back like a boomerang. Where'd you find that piece of brilliance? Slush: Paco's T-shirt and Taco Tardis. Pinhead: Tardis? You.. whatever. Going to pick my battles. Slush: It’s bigger on the inside. And filled with shirts and those obscene truck stop statues with an erect... Pinhead: SLUSH! RB: He's right. Every animal of the horny animal kingdom. Except, oddly enough, a rabbit. Pinhead: Please can we get this abomination started? Fiend Machine: Welcome loyal viewers to the second day of the Olympics. First up, the preliminary rounds of the "Tests of Sobriety." Pinhead: The events are grouped now? RB: Tests of Sobriety, Tests of Inebriation and Tests of Patience. Pinhead: That last ones a bit on the nose, don't you think? Fiend Machine: Today we'll see highlights from numerous events including Monopoly, Survivor, Go Fish, Pong, World of Warcraft, Magic the Gathering and of course, the most popular of all events, Karaoke. Slush: Hey Pinhead. You remember that time the Industry of Hate kidnapped you and put you in a knife fight with Tito Jackson? Pinhead: Fondly compared to this. Fiend Machine: I'm told we have some comments from one of our Karaoke competitors, Taylor MacKenzie. [Fade in on the interior of a bar, clean and well-lit for once. By the bar proper is a gaggle of giggling drunk young women -- possibly college age at best -- sucking down Jaegerbombs and having their shriekish laughter drown out the poor man up on the karaoke stage trying to get through his rendition of "Strangers In the Night". Sitting off in the corner by herself is former MBC Grandmaster Typo Champion and current one third of UWF's Trinity is Taylor MacKenzie. Ash blonde with short wavy hair, Taylor is wearing a grey T-shirt, black jeans and a look of irritation towards the shrill, squealing girls. Shaking her head, she takes a welcome swallow of her Blue Moon and turns back to her SmartPhone.] Taylor: [murmuring] "Quetzal'? Ooh, Scottie, you evil, brilliant, woman! And you took the triple word space I was looking at too... [The Sinatra song mercifully ends and Taylor's head snaps up expectantly. However, rather than calling up the next patron, the karaoke DJ is approaching her table nervously -- and a brunette from the cackling party crew is right behind him.] DJ: So yeah, um, Taylor, we kinda got a situation. About your song... Bimbo: [butting in] Yeah, it's like my birthday and everything and you picked the song I was gonna do next so I need you to like pick something else, okay? Taylor: [glares, then over to the DJ] Kev, you know damn well I put my slip up before this idiot. Bimbo: GAWD! Are you, like, deaf or something?! I told you it's my birthdaaaaay! Taylor: Great. So maybe you've finally matched the age on your fake ID. I had to sit through your pack of giggletits ruining Janis Joplin, screeching "Goodbye Earl" TWICE and you personally [she jabs a finger at the bimbo] [BLEEP]ing up "Bad Romance" so badly you couldn't even finish the damn thing! [Taylor cracks her knuckles.] Taylor: ...so there's no [BLEEP]ing way now I'm letting you even touch one of MY wheelhouse songs... [The drunk bimbo lets out a squeak of indignation.] Bimbo: You crazy, bitch? You're just jealous of me 'cause you're so old and boring, you can't get a date! DJ: Oh jeez! [The DJ is sweating nervously now as his eyes dart back between the camera and the nearby bouncer, no doubt wondering if he's going to end up on an episode of "World's Dumbest" the way the bimbo keeps jawing. Grey eyes narrowing sharply, Taylor takes a sip from her beer, then rises from her chair... ...but the smile on her face is cold and serene.] Taylor: Well then, if that's what you really think, what say we put this up to a little contest then and see what the crowd here thinks? And since I'm _so_ old and boring, you won't object to me going first... Bimbo: [confused] Huh? Um, whatever, I gue-- Taylor: Perfect! Kev, punch me up. [With fluid grace, Taylor MacKenzie ascends the stage and smoothly takes the mic off its stand. The bass kicks in and...] Taylor: [speaking] You know, every now and then I think you might like to hear something from me Nice and easy... But there's just one thing, you see, I never ever do nothing nice and easy I always do it nice and rough... So I'm gonna take the beginning of this song and do it easy Then I'm gonna do the finish rough That's the way I do 'Proud Mary'... [She starts to sing] o/~And we're rolling, rolling, rolling on the river Listen to the story now... Left a good job in the city Working for the man every night and day And I never lost one minute of sleeping Worrying 'bout the way that things might have been Big wheel keep on turning Proud Mary keep on burning And we're rolling, rolling Rolling on the river Cleaned a lot of plates in Memphis I pumped a lot of 'tane down in New Orleans But I never saw the good side of the city Until I hitched a ride on the riverboat queen Big wheel keep on turning Proud Mary keep on burning And we're rolling, rolling Rolling on the river Say, we're rolling, rolling Rolling on the river... o/~ [Taylor sings in a low, soulful purr, controlling her tempo skillfully. She bows her head as the song slows down... ... ... ...and then the beat suddenly kicks in. Taylor whips her head back up. Her eyes wild, she now roars with energy, stamping her foot and still keeping perfect pitch as she wields the mic with a rocker's flair that far belies her so-called "boring" appearance.] Taylor: o/~Whoa! I left a good job in the city Working for the man every night and day Never lost one minute of sleeping Worrying 'bout the way things might have been Big wheel keep on turning Proud Mary keep on burning! Rolling, rolling Rolling on the river Say, we're rolling, rolling, yeah! Rolling on the river! Cleaned a lot of plates in Memphis, y'all Pumped a lot of 'tane down in New Orleans But I never saw the good side of the city 'Til I hitched a ride on that riverboat queen! Big wheel keep on turning PROUD MARY keep on burning! And we're rolling, say we're rolling And we're rolling on the river I tell you, we're rolling, rolling We're rolling on the river If you come down to the river I bet you gonna find some people who live Don't have to worry if ya got no money The people on the river are happy to give Big wheel keep on turning! PROUD MARY KEEP ON BURNING! And we're rolling yeah, rolling yeah! And we're rolling on the river Give it to me one more time! o/~ [As the final notes play, the now-packed crowd in the bar -- with the notable exception of the birthday posse -- erupts into wild applause and cheering. The canny smirk on Taylor's face says it all as she idly replaces the mic -- she KNOWS she has this won. As she steps off the stage, she shoots a withering look at the bimbo who dared to challenge her.] Taylor: Still think you can take me on? [In response, the bimbo bursts into tears and runs for the restroom, followed by a few of her friends. Taylor just returns to her seat and finishes off her beer.] Taylor: [sneering] Yeah, that's what I thought... [Fade out.] Pinhead: Slush, I think you broke her. Slush: One of these days, she'll stop threatening to kill me. Pinhead: I hope that day never comes, based in principle alone. Then again, the day she stops threatening you is the day she likely succeeds. And on that day, I’ll have a margarita. Fiend Machine: How about we take a look at some Karaoke highlights? ------------------------------------------------------------- KARAOKE ------------------------------------------------------------- [As we move into the first batch of highlights for these Olympics, we get a view of the karaoke venue, listed as the Flavor Flave Music Hall on your screen. The Music Hall is small but sold out. In fact, it’s standing room only as many Styxians have crammed themselves inside to get a peek at what the Olympians will sing.] Fiend Machine: Over the course of two days, a total of thirteen participants will sing their hearts out all in order to win a medal. Slush: Or get cash for the gold medal at the local pawn shop. Pinhead: Assuming they use real gold. RB: Gold spray paint counts. Fiend Machine: The first day was the “Freestyle” portion of the competition, but it didn’t take long for controversy to strike early. [The first highlight shown is one of Amber Rogers basking in the spotlight and belting out a tune.] Fiend Machine: Amber Rogers from the Church of Bastardism scored high as expected but protests have come from several of the other delegations, questioning her being allowed to participate in this contest given her status as a professional singer. Pinhead: She’s professional? RB: The protests have been taken into advisement but until a final ruling is made, she’ll be allowed to continue out of fairness. [The next highlight shows Sultan Azam Sharif on the stage singing with gusto and a tear in his eye.] Fiend Machine: Sultan Azam Sharif of the AWA, while singing with arguably the most passion of any singer, was met with contention as his rendition of the Iranian National Anthem brought a mixed reaction. [A quick succession of footage shows a number of Olympians as they sing: Lolita Love [Independent], Spike Nelson [Devils You Know], Elbitz, [Fighting Spirit], Wolf Jager [International Incident], and Taylor MacKenzie [Trinity].] Fiend Machine: When it came to pure crowd reaction, Taylor MacKenzie’s rendition of Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep” brought down the house. And then of course it came down again... [A shot of Miyuki Ozaki [PGE] waving one arm while getting into her groove.] Fiend Machine: ...when the angelic voice Miyuki Ozaki gave the crowd her cover of “Straight Outta Compton.” Slush: Now that’s hot. Fiend Machine: But the music wasn’t the only high point. Some of these athletes brought the spectacle. From the classic showmanship of Socktopolis NOW!’s The King... [If his name is The King, you know he’s going to do Karaoke. And if his name is The King you just gotta know there will be giant electronic letters, jumpsuits, pompadours and sweat. Probably some fried chicken too. And oh how the ladies loved The King.] Fiend Machine ...to the exciting dancing of ASLL’s Margarita Ramos... [Though many of the audience members were holding their ears trying to keep the raspy voiced Ramos’ song out of their heads, they were very much enthralled as Ramos gyrated and spun around a stripper pole. Her tight dress of combined neon pink and leopard skin clung to her body. If there was a stripping event, she’d be the favorite.] Fiend Machine: ...to the Anime inspired interpretation of Stephanie Delacroix. [Where you a child of the 80’s? Yes? Then of course you remember Robotech. Of course you remember the dudes in the badass robot-slash-jets that fought the two legged pod things with the power of music. Protoculture baby! You remember it and you love it! And capitalizing on that love is Stephanie Delacroix, dressed as Lynn Minmay herself. Short white dress. Pink sash as a belt. Pink gloves pink boots. pink earrings. pink EVERYTHING! Though her singing lacks passion and her dancing lacks skill, it’s amazing what perversion will get you.] Fiend Machine: Tomorrow will see the final round of Karaoke competition. Competitors will be given a song at random from a number of categories including heavy metal, gangster rap, and clog dancing. Slush: Clog dancing? Fiend Machine: For Styx’s deaf community. Songs can be sung through Morse code. Pinhead: Will there be complementary hearing tests? RB: No, however pamphlets for crisis counseling will be handed out. Fiend Machine: The competition is close after the first day. The field is open and could be won by anyone. Slush: Who knew karaoke would be so cut throat? Pinhead: Somebody did because they brought a shiv. RB: My great uncle Irv "Cross" Beam always had a rule in life that he followed every day of his life. Except of course the last day of his life when he needed it most. Slush: What was the rule? RB: Always carry a shiv. Fiend Machine: Maybe some Go Fish highlights will cheer you up. ------------------------------------------------------------- GO FISH ------------------------------------------------------------- [We go from the Olympic Control Center to a dark room, filled with smoke and disappointment. There are two spotlights shining down on two tables. Sitting at the card table to the left is the Mini-Masked Maniac [ASLL], Queen Holly Hotbody [HoD], Blake Rogers [Socktopolis NOW!], Stephanie Harper [MBC-Lone Star], and Amazing Grace [PUNT]. A dealer sits at one spot of the table, looking somewhat like Snidely Whiplash. At the table on the right is Chris Choisnet [AWA], Michiko [PGE], Liam and Cormac Donovon [HoD], and Joey Malone [MBC-Alamo City]. Just as it was at the other table, a dealer sits ready to dish out the cards. This one looks a bit more like Muttley. Bleacher seats are set up all around the play area with several skinny men in stylish hats taking bets from the gallery. Watching it all is the pit boss who may be familiar to the MBC faithful.] Pinhead: Is that Mister Haliburton? RB: He’s in charge of the integrity of several events. Pinhead: How can there be integrity when he’s got his goons taking bets? RB: They’re his goons. He doesn’t believe in outsourcing something that important. [Footage shows the first table as cards are being dealt. Holly holds her cards seductively, Stephanie Harper and Amazing Grace roll their eyes. The Mini-Masked Maniac tries to be smooth as he hits on the Queen.] Fiend Machine: Ten Olympians in all for this, split even with two tables of five players each. The top three finishers of each table would move on to tomorrow for the medal game. [As things unfold at the table, it becomes quite clear that the Maniac isn’t very good at cards and even worse at hitting on the ladies. Holly Hotbody takes full advantage of the Maniac’s wolf like eyes, batting her own to get him to flash a peek at his cards.] Fiend Machine: It didn’t take long for the Mini--Masked Maniac to find himself out of contention and out of the opening round. The rest of the game became much more tense as Holly couldn’t use her feminine ways on Grace or Harper. Meanwhile Blake Rogers kept quiet and steady, letting the ladies pick each other a part. RB: What was amazing is that he had a constantly changing set of hats. No one could read his poker face thanks to those lovely, lovely hats. Fiend Machine: With that Rogers ended up with the second most amount of books, behind only Harper. The final spot would come down to Holly or Grace, the former tag team partners. Unfortunately for Grace, the last book fell into Holly’s hands. [The feed then goes to highlights of the other table. It becomes quite clear that Michiko and the Donovon siblings are cheating at cards and somehow they knew what the other was doing. Chris Choisnet looked to have his suspicions about the tactics of those three but his own competitiveness kept him distracted.] Fiend Machine: “Overkill” Joey Malone was the first to be eliminated from medal contention at table two. Either he didn’t know the rules of the game or he didn’t care. He asked Michiko for Aces, to which she had two. Among them was the Ace of Spades. Once Joey received the card he slammed it down on the table, threw his arms in the air and screamed “ONLY CARD I NEED!” [Footage shows Malone pumping his fists after receiving the Ace of Spades. He proceeds to run around the gallery, slapping the hands of the fans. He returns to tip the table over and walk out, satisfied with his job being done.] Fiend Machine: When the game resumed, both Michiko and Choisnet targeted the Donovon siblings almost exclusively. One probably shouldn't pick on children but Liam and Cormac dropped the kind of salty language only a sailor could love. At the end of the game, it was Cormac who found himself eliminated. [Though the audio on the footage is taken out, Cormac’s lips still have to be blurred out during his elimination.] RB: No help whatsoever. Pinhead: Would it help if you let us go? RB: No. Slush: You're just poking the bear you know. Pinhead: Maybe it'll eat me and God will welcome me into heaven. [Pinhead gives Slush a good long look.] Pinhead: And Job will look at me and go "DAMN! You had it rough!" Slush: Nag, I'll just drag you down to Hell with me. Pinhead: Already there. Slush: Even if you’re made of bear poop. You’ll be in a baggy though. If you’re lucky, it’ll be ziplock. [We’re in Styx. Actually, the motel room currently housing MBC’s own Kayla Livingstone. There’s a knock at the front door and Kayla immediately emerges from the bathroom.] Kayla: Coming! [She’s fresh from the shower, a towel wrapped around her body, and using another towel to dry her wet, red hair. She stops at the door, looks through the peep hole, and lets out a snort of disgust, a scowl immediately making its way onto her face.] [She wraps the towel around her head, turban-style, and opens the door where we see her twin brother/manager, Kevin, standing there. He’s clad in a “Team Kayla” T-shirt and jeans, a sheepish grin on his face and a brown bag in his hand. Immediately, Kayla narrows her eyes and frowns.] Kayla: Why should I even talk to you right now? Kevin: [holding up the bag] Because I brought croissants? [Kayla’s gaze goes from him to the bag and back again before she steps aside.] Kayla: Come in. [Kevin enters as Kayla shuts the door behind him.] Kevin: [smiles] Thanks, Kay! I knew you couldn’t stay ma... Kayla: [holds up a hand, silencing him] First of all, croissants. [She holds out her hand and he hands her the bag, which she greedily snatches up.] Kayla: Second of all, this in _no_ way gets you automatic forgiveness for what you helped pull in my match against Lolita! Kevin: [aghast] You say that like I did it on purpose! I had no idea that top would fall apart! After all, I’m firmly Team Kayla! See! [He grins wide, pointing to his T-shirt.] Kayla: Yea, but it was your dumb idea to have me dress up like some stupid mermaid in the first place! And, as a result of your crappy craftsmanship, I lost my match! Kevin: Technically, you lost the match. But you got something more important out of it. Have you checked Youtube lately? [smiles] That match with Lolita is at like a zillion views already! Everyone wants to see the “Nearly Nude Wrestling Mermaid”! Kayla: [rolls her eyes, her tone dripping with sarcasm] Yes, because that’s what I trained years to hear. Kevin: I know. I know. You’re all about showing off your skills and all of that jazz. [he waves a dismissive hand in the air] But we’re getting a buzz and building a brand here. It’s why people are finally talking about you after years in this business and why I signed you up for the Olympics today. Look at Lady Gaga. She used to be some singing chick, playing the piano, like a million other chicks doing the same. But when she became Lady Gaga, she became a superstar! That’s what we’re going to do with you. So, just be patient. Has your brother ever steered you wrong before? [She flashes him a dubious look.] Kevin: [quickly and before she can answer] Mermaid costumes aside. Kayla: [sighs] Fine. I’ll play along. For now. Kevin: Awesome! Well, I’ll let you get dressed and I’ll see you on the field. Enjoy breakfast! [He turns to walk off.] Kayla: Kev? [He suddenly stops and turns towards her.] Kevin: Yeah? Kayla: Really? Zillions? Kevin: We’re talking Justin Bieber with dancing kittens while cute burping babies play the drums territory! You’re a hot topic, sis! [Kevin leaves the room as Kayla watches him go, an uncertain look on her face as the scene fades.] Slush: That woman has some lessons to learn. Pinhead: Like not trusting her family. Slush: More like “boobs sell.” RB: Here, here! Pinhead: Is it any wonder why women hate you? Slush: As a matter fact, there is no wonder. I’m convinced that all women just like to play hard to get. Pinhead: Yet, you never score. Slush: I mated once. I can mate again. RB: And for once, I approve of government interference. At least in this situation. Fiend Machine: One of the more interesting events of the Olympics has always been Survivor. But to make things even more interesting, it has been changed up for this year’s Olympiad. ------------------------------------------------------------- MBC SURVIVOR ------------------------------------------------------------- [Your video cuts away from the Olympic control center to show you an isolated island out in the middle of a lake. Is the lake swimmable to shore? Sure. But do you think the Styxians are above putting piranha in their own water supply?] Fiend Machine: Early this morning, the Survivor event kicked off. Now, Olympic Survivor isn’t like the Survivor you see on television. It needs to be accelerated so the contestants can move on to other events. Pinhead: Then why bother? Slush: Pride? RB: Money? Slush: Booty? There’s booty right? Fiend Machine: From the moment contestants step onto Alonzo Carter Island, they are tested nonstop. Pinhead: Hold up. Alonzo "Trashcan" Carter? The old MBC wrestler? RB: It’s a manmade island, built of refuse and trash. Some say The Trashman haunts the island. Slush: He's dead? RB: Career wise? Yes. He never recovered from that bout with testicular torsion. Fiend Machine: As I was saying, once they step onto the island, they're tested right from the start. [A boat is shown with the various Olympians disembarking. One worthy of note is ASLL's Skateboard, a mini who walks on all fours... ...with a full sized luchadore riding his back.] Fiend Machine: In this man's case he was too exhausted to even get across the starting line. Pinhead: Why is he being riden like a pony? Slush: More like a lazy goat based on my experience. Fiend Machine: Apparently his mentor Radical Skater wanted to see him compete. At least it wasn't too far from the boat. [At the starting line, things were begun not with a pistol but with a cannon. Fifteen total competitors took off into the artificial jungle of Alonzo Carter Island, either unaware or uncaring that the trees were made from recycled materials. One could only hope they had their latest tetanus shot. Mark Hoefner [AWA], Felicity Malone [Bastard Underground], and Kayla Livingstone [Independent] were the fastest off the line with Jerry Titus [MBC-Lone Star], Johanna Suprema [HoD], and Harley Sanders [HoD] close behind. Kathryn Elyson [House of Elyson] and Nico Villanova [Fighting Spirit] were notable in their slowness, knowing this wasn’t a matter of finishing the race, but surviving the race. They even seemed to enjoy one another’s company or at the very least, they enjoyed sharing almost equal levels of vanity.] Fiend Machine: The first set of obstacles entailed scaling a ten foot wall. While most of the competitors took the wall on, it didn’t take long for some to realize that there was no penalty for just going around. [Tommy Jackson [Insanity Society] has a blast scaling the wall with Hitomi Shimizu [PGE] right on her tail. Max and Sal [PVW] look at the wall, then to their beach sandals and then to the wall. Then they shrug and walk around. Scottie Saratoga [Trinity] sees there is no penalty and opting to conserve energy, follows suit. ONO HEZONFIA [DERP] does the same.] Fiend Machine: Then came the crocodile pits. Pinhead: Crocodile pits? You had people run over alligator pits? [Roger Paneguia [Socktopolis NOW!] cross a water filled pit over a large wooden log. His balance is shaky but he makes it across safely.] RB: They weren’t real crocodiles of course. Pinhead: I was about to say... RB: Alligators actually. The difference is in the nose. Pinhead: You’re insane, you know that. RB: Raised them myself. [From simple to overly complicated, the next set of obstacles cross “Double Dare” with “Death Race 2000”. Swinging balls, rotating platforms, druids with fire hoses, you know, the stuff of legend. Somewhere Mark Somers is rolling in his grave.] Slush: Is he dead? RB: Only if the Freemasons get their way. Fiend Machine: And really, the course got only crazier from there. It was a marathon of getting through that nightmare. Eight hours later, only six contestants remained. Pinhead: Eight hours? Seriously? Fiend Machine: Felicity Malone, Nico Villanova, Scottie Saratoga, Hitomi Shimizu, Kayla Livingstone, and Tommy Jackson made it through to the end of the first day. But tonight, they go to tribal council. Two contestants will be voted off the island. Slush: And eaten by the smoke monster? Fiend Machine: Something like that. RB: But you forgot the best part. Fiend Machine: Rumor has it that the Ghost of the Trashman will try to kidnap some of them late into the night if they get past tribal council. Pinhead: I thought the whole Olympic concept was stupid to begin with. Now you’ve just made it sickening. RB: We play the games that others are too afraid to play. Pinhead: Well.... common sense being what it is... Fiend Machine: Next set of highlights? ------------------------------------------------------------- MBC MONOPOLY ------------------------------------------------------------- [Much like it was with the Go Fish event, a smoky parlor houses spotlights shining down upon large tables. Upon these tables sit various varieties of Monopoly: The Comic Book Edition, the Simpsons Edition, the Family Guy Edition, the Good Housekeeping Edition, the Soldier of Fortune edition, etc. Unlike Go Fish however, there are far more players.] Fiend Machine: As popular as Karaoke is with Olympians, Monopoly is the most cut throat. Slush: My money would have been on Pong. Pinhead: You’re broke. Slush: Or Midget Tossing. [Members of the various tables are shown. At table one sits Aurora Cordova [HoE], Yumi [PGE] and Ayako Fujiwara [PGE]. Also sitting with those ladies are Justin Davidson [International Incident] Pablo O’Connor [MBC-Alamo City] and Tony Beaumont.] Fiend Machine: Most were focused on the game at hand but Pablo O’Connor constantly questioned his fellow players about his future opponents in the Bastardship of the Ring Tournament. Tony Beaumont didn’t seem to have any information of value about Ryu Osawa and Justin Davidson refused to spill the beans about Tyler Tucker. [The three men seem to be having an argument centered around incessant questioning by O’Connor while the women pay close attention to the game, dominating with hotels and lucky rolls. At one point, Ayako “accidentally” moves O’Connor’s piece back onto “Go To Jail.”] Fiend Machine: Despite the distraction, Tony Beaumont kept pace with the ladies and picked all utilities and railroads. [Then another table is shown. Miyuki Ozaki [PGE] holds court as the banker with Michiko [PGE] on her left and Kiyomi [PGE] at her right. Amazing Grace [PUNT], Thomas Adoyo [Socktopolis NOW!] and Lil’ Booger [ASLL] all fight an uphill battle.] Fiend Machine: Right from the outset, the numerous entrants from perfect Girl Evolution lent itself to the presence of a multigame corporation. Whenever PGE members were together, they instantly pooled resources in order to eliminate the competition. Under the table deals were in play from the moment the initial dice roll. [The final table view shows the odd group of Matt Ginn [AWA], Yui Minami [BAJ], Twinkletoes Tiwilliger [Fighting Spirit], Luna Cordova [HoE], HANA [PGE] and Tomoko Honda [PGE]. Ginn controls the bank and clearly leads a strict game. To counter that, Twinkletoes is... Twinkletoes.] Fiend Machine: This table in particular was contentious. Ginn is a MIT graduate and made sure everyone at the table knew it. Repeatedly. But Twinkletoes had his own strategy. [Twinkletoes lands on Broadway, which by this point has three hotels on it. He ponders this for a moment and lets out a thunderous belch that vibrates the entire table enough for his piece to move to a safer square. The rest of the table is understandably sickened. Luna Cordova runs away to vomit... never to return.] Fiend Machine: Then there was an incident where Tiwilliger landed on Go to Jail and... let’s just say the banker is still trying to wash out his eyes. [Off on the remote island, Jerry Titus [MBC-Lone Star] and Hitomi Shimizu [PGE] are shown in an intense stare down over the rules of Free Parking and then Kathryn Elyson [HoE] is shown trying to both snake charm and seduce Scottie Saratoga [Trinity] into giving her a pass after landing on a hotel filled Park Avenue.] Fiend Machine: And in an innovation new to this year’s games, we had a live look in on a remote game being played on Alonzo Carter Island. Due to their participation in the Survivor event, Kathryn Elyson, Jerry Titus, Hitomi Shimizu and Scottie Saratoga played rounds of Monopoly after various eliminations and breaks in that contest. [Footage to the Monopoly venue ends and we’re taken back to the Olympic Control Center.] Fiend Machine: Games have gone on for quite a while but will all stop at seven tonight. Highest net worth will determine advancement into the next round. Pinhead: I don’t remember these games beings so... thorough. RB: Welcome to Styx. This is how we do things. Pinhead: Really? You’re going with that. RB: Indeed I am. Pinhead: I’m honestly surprised this place doesn’t have an overabundance of half assed pitch men to do your evil bidding. RB: Over abundant is just enough Pinhead: Right.... so what’s the next excruciatingly painful event we have to cover? ------------------------------------------------------------- MAGIC: THE GATHERING ------------------------------------------------------------- Pinhead: Wonderful. People still play this? Slush: Hey! I wanted to defend my bronze medals! I’ve won them two years straight. RB; Consequences of being a miscreant Slush. Slush: When I figure out what you just called me, you’ll be in trouble. Fiend Machine: So we go to the Styx Public Library... Pinhead: You’re holding an event at the Public Library? RB: Not a lot of tickets were sold for this event. No need to do anything grand. [As it turns out, the Styx Public Library is just an abandoned Dairy Queen with a sign out front that reads “Book Burnings First Saturday of the Month! Puppy Farm Conventions Second Tuesday.” There are a few card tables setup out front with lawn chairs. Game officials hover to maintain integrity.] Fiend Machine: This turned out to be a rather quick event. Only eight players signed up and some... just didn’t seem to care. [At the first table sits Slasher Gomez [ASLL] and Kiyomi [PGE]. Gomez, wearing the type of regalia seen on serial killers in bad horror movies and their million sequels, simply sits there, breathing hard. He was clearly trying to come off as menacing but it really was just all creepy like. Kiyomi is playing... but with Pokemon cards.] Fiend Machine: Slasher Gomez ran out of time on every single turn he had. He didn’t even play a single card. Even though Kiyomi wasn’t even playing the right game, she still moves on. Pinhead: Why? Fiend Machine: Because she’s hot. RB: That she is. [The second table shows two participants one would not expect to see. On one side was the man called Sabbath [Devils You Know: Bastard Edition]. His concentration was fully on the game despite jackass hecklers nearby demanding he sing Paranoid at the Karaoke competition. You’d wonder why he didn’t just stand up and punch them in the face. Then again you’re probably wondering why he’s playing the game. Sabbath is afterall called the “Walking Contradiction.” Take that for what it’s worth. On the other side of the chair is King Vile, sitting on a chair made of his two henchmen.] Slush: Is... is that a Human chair. Pinhead: That’s horrible. Slush: That’s going on my Christmas list! Fiend Machine: This game took a while to actually get through. Both men were keen on playing defense and looking for holes in the other’s strategy. King Vile took it in the end. Slush: I can have a Human Chair for Christmas right? [The next match showcases the two time defending Gold Medal champion Billy “Scud” McKenzie [Insanity Society] playing Georgia Church [Bastard Underground]. Church tries hard to play, even if it’s not really her thing. But Scud is simply too good, blowing her away with epic beast after epic beast.] Slush: Now I want to defend my bronze medal even more. Pinhead: Why? Slush: So I can punch Scud in the face! [The final table shows the ultra-serious Brandon Elyson [HoE] facing the whimsical Kyle Holder. Holder plays a deck with nothing but goblins, which of course confounds and pisses off Elyson at the same time. Before the game wis even halfway done, Elyson throws his hands into the air, kicks the table over and walks away.] Fiend Machine: Like I said, this event went quickly. The second round has Billy McKenzie making quick work of Kiyomi. Though hot, she wasn’t going to beat a Lord of the Pit with a pikachu. Slush: Sounds like a fetish film. Fiend Machine: And King Vile moved to the Gold Medal final by having exactly what he needed to counter Holder’s goblin cards. Pinhead: Which was? Fiend Machine: Hell if I know. I don’t play with cards. I’d rather play with boobs. [Footage of the Bronze Medal game is shown. Kiyomi continues to use her Pokemon cards while Holder maintains his goblin line of fire. Holder builds an obvious lead until he makes a comment about Kiyomi being a hag. The statuesque beauty begins to cry, leading the enamored official to disqualify Holder.] Fiend Machine: Thanks to Holder “being a troll” Kiyomi won the bronze medal. And the Gold Medal round... [Inexplicably, Mister Halliburton materialized to take bets on the final match between Scud and Vile. Where Halliburton was, gambling addicts were bound to follow, even to a Magic: The Gathering event. The match was a prolonged affair, both men nearly running through their entire deck. But Scud found just the ring combination of.... cards. It’s been way too long since I’ve played this game. Let’s just say he won with some kind of werewolf/unicorn hybrid that poops Skittles.] Fiend Machine: For the third straight Olympiad, Billy McKenzie wins the Gold in Magic the Gathering. He’s just damn good. Slush: He’s like that Ryan Lochte fellow. Pinhead: Skilled in his sport? Slush: No, a loser with no life and nothing better to do than what he does. Pinhead: He has a wife and three kids you know. Triplets in fact. Slush: I don’t believe that! Pinhead: You were at his damn wedding. We held it at a pay per view. I performed the ceremony no less. Slush: I see your lips moving but all I hear are lies. ------------------------------------------------------------- 2012 Gold: Billy McKenzie [Insanity Society] 2012 Silver: King Vile [Fighting Spirit] 2012 Bronze: Kiyomi [PGE] ------------------------------------------------------------- Slush: So do we look at the medal count now? Pinhead: Why? Only one set of medals have been awarded. Slush: Because I want useless info graphics flashed up at me constantly! I have been conditioned by American sports and networks to need information I really shouldn’t care about. Fiend Machine: How about we go to this instead? [We fade in on a hotel room. On the couch, fast asleep, is a familiar-looking rooster currently nesting happily on the MBC Grandmaster Typo Championship belt.] Trice: ...bok-shoo...bok-shoo... [Awww, isn't that cute? Maybe not the most hygienic of sights, but cute regardless. Meanwhile, the current champion of said title, the good Reverend "Hentai" Ryu Osawa... ...yeah, he hasn't been smited yet about that. Go figure. Anyways, Ryu appears to be in deep contemplation over at the desk. Books of spiritual wisdom are by his side: "The Bible For Dummies", "The Tao of Pooh", "Write More Good". And the tome he's perusing right now is that seminal classic "Scientific Progress Goes 'Boink!'".] Ryu: [murmuring to himself] ...here we are at the belly of the beast. And soon, everything changes... [Tell me about it. They're totally nerfing my holy spec and {MEEP}ing neutering my mana! I gotta relearn my class and reforge and regem ALL my freaking gear! Do you know long it TOOK for me to get that damn shield off Lootship in the first place?!] Ryu: Uh... [First one drops to the other holy pally and then she ends up bailing the next week after. Another one drops two months later -- TWO MONTHS! Oh, but the damn agility trinket dropped practically EVERY WEEK! -- and THAT shield gets given to the elemental shaman EVENTHOUGH I BEAT HIM ON THE BLOODY ROLL, who ends up switching out to his {MEEP}ing shadow priest from then on in! And then the damn enhancement shaman thought he'd be funny sharding the shield that was FINALLY SUPPOSED TO GO TO ME!] Ryu: Decaf, seriously. [NEVER!] Ryu: Anyways, as I was saying... [He sighs, setting the book down.] Styx...this is where it all started -- the corruption of Bastardism as we once knew it. It might have moved from north to south, but its taint still festers like an open sore! [And you're going into this hellhole -- alone.] Ryu: [calmly] I have my faith and my cock. What more do I need? [I'll take "Things Priests Should Never Say" for $600, Alex.] Ryu: Still... [Ryu frowns thoughtfully] ...I should take the opportunity to spread the word of Bastardism while I'm here. If even one soul can be swayed from banality and jerkassery -- especially at here from all places -- what a coup that'll be! I wonder if the New Throbbing Mattress Kittens would try to tempt me from my ways? [He suddenly grins] Oh god, I HOPE they tempt me! I'm ready for the peril! [Decaf, seriously. And for the sake of good taste, I'm fading out NOW.] RB: I had a family member who once said you should face temptation in order to beat it. Pinhead: Did this family member have a colorful nickname like everyone else in your family? RB: They did but they became the black sheep of the family. Family tradition dictates we do not speak of them. Slush: How’d they get to be the black sheep of the family? RB: Through marriage. Fifth cousin, three times removed Marvin “Moon: Beam was a sheepherder. [Pause.] RB: He sure did love his sheep. Damned hippie. ------------------------------------------------------------- WORLD OF WARCRAFT ------------------------------------------------------------- Fiend Machine: Now this event is a little different. RB: I question its inclusion in the Olympics. Pinhead: As opposed to what? Cosplay? Barehanded Catfishing? Slush: Ooh, ooh! Angry Birds! Fiend Machine: The main issue is that the 2008 event never had its medalists finalists. To combat this, we’ve made changes to the rules. Slush: There are rules? Fiend Machine: We’ve hired a panel of judges to weight a combination of standards. Loot, raids, gaining XP, overall smart play. RB: And who are these judges? Fiend Machine: The Guild Masters of the Styx Thunder Fiend Union. [A quick shot to the so called “judges.’ There are five of them in total, gathered around a computer monitor in a dark room. All are smiling as they sit hypnotized. By what you ask?] Judge #1: Huhhu... boobs.. huh huhuh All Judges: Boooobs! [And back to the control center.] Fiend Machine: So..... yeah.... Pinhead: Pack of winners there. Really are. Fiend Machine: We’ll have that update tomorrow. [The scene opens to the streets of Styx, where we find a cautious Lolita Love, navigating her way. The pretty blonde is clad in a “Team MBC” tank top and black, boy-cut shorts, completing the look with tennis shoes. Her hair is pulled back into a ponytail that falls down her back. There’s a wary look on her face as a number of onlookers flash her dirty looks and mumble obscenities under their breath as she walks by them.] Voice: Hey, Miss Blonde Lady! [Lolita turns at the sound of the sweet voice to see a five-year old on a bicycle, pedaling by. She flashes the child a friendly smile and waves.] Lolita: Hey, sweetie! [The child suddenly glares at Lolita and flashes her a pixilated middle finger in response.] Child: [Meep] you! [The young blonde is outraged, folding her arms across her chest, mouth agape in surprise.] Lolita: Wha....excuse you!?! Voice: I’m telling you. That kid needs a serious [Meep] whipping! [Lolita turns in shock to see the MBC women’s champion herself, Jan Delgado, standing next to her. Jan is wearing a tank top, “Bastards Do It Better” written across the chest, and denim mini skirt. She also wears a pair of black boots, her dark hair falling down her back. At the sight of Jan, Lolita lets out a sigh of relief.] Lolita: Finally! A _real_ friendly face around here! Hi, Jan. [The two friends embrace.] Jan: Hey, ‘Lita. When I heard they were having the Olympics here, I figured they’d be hostile, considering Holly’s pretty much running the place and she completely hates the both of us. But I had no idea just how crazy it would get! Some lady at the airport even tried to steal my shoes! [An old woman suddenly walks by the two young girls, growling at them. Jan immediately turns to face her with a scowl.] Jan: Beat it, bag! [The woman scurries off as Jan shakes her head.] Jan: Freakin’ Styx! Lolita: [sighs] At least we only have to be here until the events are over and then we can go back to reality. And not a moment too soon! Jan: Tell me about it. Holly can have this place and all of its creepy inhabitants! [pauses] So, what are you competing in today? Lolita: Karaoke and Pong. I’m really nervous about Pong though. I’m trying for my second gold ever in that event. [crosses her fingers and smiles] Wish me luck! Jan: [smiles] Gotcha. And you do the same for me in the Long Jump. I have a feeling Team MBC is gonna kick some [Meep] today. So, you ready to get out of here? Standing out in the open like this makes me nervous! [Jan shudders as Lolita lets out a laugh.] Lolita: Come on. Let’s grab some food from one of the few places where I don’t think we’ll have to worry about being poisoned. [The two friends race off under a haze of accusatory glares as the scene fades to black.] RB: … Pinhead: I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a murderous look in your eyes Sheriff. RB: The Queen’s eyes are my eyes. Slush: Frankenstein! RB: Nothing so torrid. Fiend Machine: I’ll give Love and Delgado credit for coming here for the Olympics. I don’t think Holly will let them go unharassed. RB: Styx has a sniper school for a reason... alas... we must wait... and watch. Pinhead: That is so incredibly creepy. Slush: And strange that it’s not me who said it. Fiend Machine: So we cover our last event for the night... Pinhead: Oh thank God. Slush: You’re in more of a rush to get out of here than I am. Pinhead: The sad fact is that the people of Styx actually like you. They treat me like [MEEP]. I can’t even get served at the local Taco Hut remember? Slush: You just don’t have the same sunny disposition that I do. [PING~!!!] Pinhead: What the Hell was that? RB: I thought we fixed this audio. Fiend Machine: Apparently not. [PING~!!!] Slush: It’s the heartbeat of Robot Jesus! Fiend Machine: Nothing so... biblical. Pinhead: There are only two biblical things I expect in Styx. Satan and the book of revelations coming to pass. [PING~!!!] Slush: It’s the second coming! And it’s in digital! Fiend Machine: No, we’re just going into our coverage of the Pong event. Slush: I’d rather face Robot Jesus. [PING~!!!] |
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Everything I learned about soccer, I learned from Dro. You are to refer to Katie as "The Duchess of Der Basterdmusen" as of June 2014. She'll get angry if you don't. You've been warned. | |
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| MBCKyle | Oct 15 2012, 03:16 PM Post #2 |
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The Soda Dog Refreshment Squad
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------------------------------------------------------------- PONG ------------------------------------------------------------- Pinhead: Is there any way to make that stop? Slush: Come take me Robot Jesus! Take me! Fiend Machine: Unfortunately, the Pong event has been mired with a few fist fights and physical confrontations. RB: Which if alcohol was involved and was set in a bar room, it would be fine. In fact, it’d be a different event all together. [PING~!!!] RB: Starts tomorrow in fact. Fiend Machine: Even still, there were numerous pairings that just ended in disaster. [The first shows Laura Davis [Trinity] playing against Tesla St. James [UWF]. The match is civil at first but words are soon exchanged and things get physical when St. James flies off the handle. Then a match between Black Madison [Scorched Earth] and The Beautiful Master [PUNT] ends with the robed Master soundly defeating Madison. Madison accuses the Master of cheating and assaults her. The Master easily deflects the attack before others intervene to prevent further fighting. Naima Ito [BAJ] is then shown battling HANA [PGE] in a soon to be legendary long game that had many of the other competitors watching closely. Ito comes up victorious to which, HANA becomes infuriated. Her rage consumers her, setting forth the most epic of temper tantrums causing property damage in the thousands.] Pinhead: Wasn’t that just the first match of a best out of three? [PING~!!!] Fiend Machine: And then there were things that were just downright shameful. [Rico Caliente [ASLL] plays his match against Lolita Love [Independent] but quickly loses interest. Seeing the various female delegates nearby waiting to have their own match, Rico jumped up onto a table and starts into a male stripper dance routine, gyrating and undulating for the ladies in the crowd.] Pinhead: They actually gave him money? RB: They were paying him to stop. Slush: THAT GENIUS! [PING~!!!] Fiend Machine: Matches will continue on late into this evening. Even a night to cool off won’t put out some of the fires. Tensions are too high. Pinhead: Over Pong. [PING~!!!] Pinhead: [MEEP]ing Pong. Fiend Machine: That brings us to the conclusion of today’s coverage. We’ll be back tomorrow with the medal rounds of the Tests of Sobriety. Pinhead: Time to fail my sobriety test as soon as I possibly can. Slush: Way ahead of you. [We fade from the Olympic Control Center. The words "RECORDED EARLIER TODAY" flash across the screen, as we see a diminutive Japanese girl with an unruly, short, curled bob haircut dyed candy apple red. She wears a pink chiffon babydoll dress, covered by white corsages along the top. Based on her jittery demeanor, we know this to be the easily excitable and overly anxious member of Perfect Girl Evolution...Yumi.] Yumi: (Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh...they'll be here any minute! What do I say? What do I do? Should I even do anything??? I'm so nervous...I haven't seen any of them in months!) [She bites her fingers, a worried look on her face.] Yumi: (Maybe I can greet them with a cheerful smile and a hug? Wait...I can't do that! That's way too forward! What if they think I'm clingy? I'm not clingy! I'm a strong independent young woman! I've even managed to survive on my own for months without having to resort to selling my body or deal illegal narcotics, in order to survive! I can't leave such a weak impression on them! But then again, we're all like sisters...we've been through a lot together. A hug wouldn't be inappropriate...but then again, they might tease me for being so sentimental! But it's only appropriate that you'd greet a close friend with a hug. Oh jeez, what to do, what to do, what to do...) [Suddenly, a perfectly manicured hand reaches over and grabs Yumi by the shoulder. The diminuitive redhead is spun around, where she is met face-to-face with the stern, no-nonsense, ultra-violent holder of the MBC: Underground Shakeweight...HANA. The grumpiest of PGE girls looks positively girly, wearing a white tube dress, a flower headband, and yet...still way too much eye shadow. Yumi's eyes open wide in surprise.] Yumi: (Hana...) [Without warning, HANA envelopes Yumi in a massive bearhug, lifting her several feet off the ground.] Yumi: EEP! HANA: (Yumi, you worthless slut...I've missed you so much!) Yumi: (C-can't breathe...) [As Yumi struggles for air, the world around them begins to slow to a crawl and time seems to stand still. The two girls turn their heads and stare upward, where they see the six-foot four Kiyomi, like a heavenly vision, looking down at them with misty eyes. She shines, like a glorious beacon of light and her hair blows beautifully in the wind...despite the fact there is no wind.] HANA: (No. NO! I don't care how hot you are! Don't. You. Dare...) [The Golden Goddess stares at her two mortal sisters-in-arms and her bottom lip begins to quiver...before she grabs BOTH of them in an even MORE monstrous bearhug. However, this is soon interrupted by a shout in the distance...] "GROUP HUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGG!!!!" [From seemingly out of nowhere, a Japanese girl in a strapless white wedding dress leaps into the fray, knocking down everybody in a mass of humanity.] Yumi: Owie. [HANA rubs her forehead in pain, shooting the interloper a dirty look.] HANA: (Way to lame up a beautiful, heartwarming reunion between long-time friends by being a spaz, Tomoko.) [She narrows her eyes at the resident slave girl.] HANA: (Are you wearing a wedding dress?) [Tomoko holds up her skirt, all smiles.] Tomoko: (Oh, this? Well, you know how they say a woman isn't more beautiful than when she's a bride? I just wanted to test that theory out. Don't I look pretty?) [Every gives Tomoko a look of disdain.] HANA: (You are SO going to die alone in a house filled with cats.) Yumi: (Definitely not fit to be a bride.) [Kiyomi merely shakes her head sadly.] Tomoko: (Awww, but I worked really hard to look nice-...) "PATHETIC!" [All heads turn towards the source of the shout, where they see the ever "mysterious" Mistress Nightshade, pointing an accusing finger at them.] Mistress Nightshade: You foolish females look positively GHOULISH! Your HAUNTED expressions only remind me how weak your SPIRITS truly are! [Nightshade is dressed in a Gothic Lolita-styled ruffled, black dress, black stockings, and an expression-less, white female faced mask. Standing beside her is the honey-haired megalomaniac, Michiko, looking the complete opposite of Nightshade's gloomy colors, dressed in a pink Pretty Lolita-style dress with a big bow in her hair. She carries an impossible amount of title belts...two dangling from her neck like a scarf, two cradled in both arms, and one that is clearly the BSCW Women's title around her petite waist. But that's not the thing that catches everyone's attention... ...because seated behind them, on an overly elaborate throne, carried on the shoulders of unnamed trainees, is the leader of Perfect Girl Evolution, herself... Miyuki Ozaki. Miyuki rests her chin on the palm of her, with a bored look on her face. She's dressed in a white fur coat, over a black chiffon halter dress, and atop her head is her "Queen of Osaka" tiara. The girls stare at their mistress with unblinking eyes, as she rises from her throne and touches down onto the ground. She approaches them, arms crossed over her chest, looking fairly unimpressed by what she sees.] Miyuki: (Ladies.) [She smirks.] Miyuki: (It's been awhile. I...) [She suddenly pauses...and narrows her eyes at Tomoko.] Miyuki: (Are you wearing a wedding dress?) [Tomoko nods excitedly.] Tomoko: (Yeah! You see, I heard that a woman isn't more beautiful than when she's a bride and-) [Miyuki presses a finger to Tomoko's lips.] Miyuki: (Tomoko, a woman should ALWAYS be capable of great beauty regardless of how hideous she may be! Even the overtly masculine Taylor McKenzie or the genetically deformed cows of ACE could at times, overcome the limitations of their grotesque forms! If you need to wrap yourself around the female slavery cloth known as a "wedding dress" in order to be beautiful, then I have failed you as a mentor, Tomoko!) [Tomoko pouts.] Tomoko: (But...it's a really, really pretty dress!) [...] Michiko: (Well, she's got us, there.) HANA: (Actually...now that I got a better look, it really brings out the color in her eyes.) Mistress Nightshade: (In my thousand years of existence, I have never once gazed upon anything this exquisite in the real world OR the spirit realm! MUAHAHA-...) [Miyuki glances at Kiyomi and nudges her head towards Nightshade's direction. HANA proceeds to yank the wig off her head...which coincidentally, is connected to her mask.] Mistress Nightshade: (My hair!) [She touches her cheeks.] Mistress Nightshade: (MY FACE!) [Miyuki flicks her in the forehead with her finger.] Mistress Nightshade: Ow! Miyuki: (Cut the crap, Hitomi.) [Nightshade removes her hands from her face, revealing a Japanese girl with short, spiked, auburn-colored hair . She digs into her handbag and puts on a pair of black-rimmed glasses and slowly cranes her neck towards Miyuki.] Hitomi: (Fine...I was just trying to stay true to the character you gave me.) [Miyuki rolls her eyes.] Miyuki: (Save the LARPing for Alamo City, Hitomi...we're here to show the world our complete and utter dominance in trivial and meaningless events! With our combined might, there's no force in this or any other universe that can stop eight highly motivated Japanese women!) [Hitomi scoffs.] Hitomi: (Oh yeah? If this thing's so important, then where the hell is Ayako?) [Just then, the sounds of trumpets and horns, the opening to the "Olympic Fanfare and Theme" can be heard in the distance, as a huge crowd approaches. Standing above them all, riding atop an elaborate throne of her own, is an embarassed-looking Japanese girl with her head bowed down...AND A FREAKING OLYMPIC GOLD MEDAL AROUND HER NECK.] Miyuki: (Speak of the devil...here comes our little overachiever, now.) [Tomoko narrows her eyes to see who's coming and suddenly gasps.] Tomoko: (Is that a...YOU MEAN SHE ACTUALLY WON???) [...] Tomoko: (Wait a minute...WHEN DID SHE QUALIFY!?!?!) [Everyone just sort of shrugs their shoulders.] Miyuki: (What...you didn't know?) Tomoko: (Why are you all so calm about this!? Do you realize how extraordinary this is!?!?! I mean, she...she won a freakin' GOLD MEDAL IN THE FREAKIN' OLYMPICS!!!) [They all stare at Tomoko, unmoved.] Tomoko: (OLYMPICS!) [She waves her arms frantically.] Tomoko: (GOLD MEDAL!) [She looks just about ready to burst into hysterics.] Tomoko: (FREAKIN'!) [She holds out her hands, waiting for an excited reaction that never comes.] Michiko: (She said not to make a big deal out of it.) HANA: (Yeah, we don't want her to get a big head or anything.) Yumi: (Her mom was really happy for her, though!) [Just then, Ayako's delegation arrives, setting down her throne. Miyuki's prized student is dressed in Japan's Olympic opening ceremony uniform, consisting of a red blazer, white trousers, and a small scarf tied around her neck. Of course...that damned gold medal sticks out like a sore thumb. She walks up to Miyuki, bowing to her mentor.] Ayako: (Hello, Miyuki.) Miyuki: (Hello, Ayako.) [Ayako holds up her gold medal, getting slightly choked up.] Ayako: (I...I did it.) Miyuki: (Was there ever any doubt, Ayako?) [Ayako shakes her head, with tears welling up in her eyes.] Ayako: (Never!) [And then...Ayako embraces Miyuki in a hug! However, as student and teacher share this warm and fuzzy moment, Ayako takes this moment to ask Miyuki a question of utmost importance...something she's wanted to ask Miyuki since she was reunited with her sisters in battle...] Ayako: (Miyuki?) Miyuki: (Yes?) [...] Ayako: (Why is Tomoko wearing a wedding dress?) Tomoko: (Oh, Ayako! You know how they say a woma-...) [Before Tomoko can finish her spiel, HANA tackles her to the ground.] HANA: AHHHHH!!! Tomoko: Eek! [She begins to throttle the poor girl.] HANA: (Shut up! Shutupshutupshutupshutup!!! SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR DAMN DRE-) ***~BZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTT!!!!~*** [As HANA falls over twitching, a disheveled Tomoko triumphantly thrusts her taser baton into the air. All eyes turn accusingly to Miyuki, who shrugs.] Miyuki: (What? She didn't want to learn how to use a shiv!) [Fade out.] |
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Everything I learned about soccer, I learned from Dro. You are to refer to Katie as "The Duchess of Der Basterdmusen" as of June 2014. She'll get angry if you don't. You've been warned. | |
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7:19 PM Jul 10