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| [Youtube] FOAR JAN FRUM TOMOKO (not #JanisonPEDs) | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Feb 6 2013, 04:10 AM (283 Views) | |
| Overly_Critical_Jue | Feb 6 2013, 04:10 AM Post #1 |
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Amigo, I ain't anybody but Juan Vasquez!
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[As you click play on the youtube video, we open to a Japanese girl with her hair tied into two braids, wearing a "Don't Tase Me, Sis!" t-shirt and plaid pajama pants, seated on a futon. Without her flawless makeup, we still recognize this as the #1 contender to the MBC Women's title, Tomoko Honda. She holds up three fingers and counts down.] Tomoko: 3-2-1... [She takes a deep breath.] Tomoko: OMG...I am sooo sorry, Jan. I had no idea Hitomi was going to take things this far. Just...ignore her. Seriously. I mean, everyone else does. I know you've had problems in the past with people bullying you, but TRUST ME, we're not bullies. Hitomi's not really serious about any of this. [From off-screen...] "THE HELL I'M NOT!" [Tomoko turns towards the voice and screams back.] Tomoko: Shut up! Shutupshutupshutup! You've already said enough! The biggest match of my career and you're starting terrible rumors on the internet! They even picked it up on Fox News! What's wrong with you!? [Suddenly, the masked "Mistress Nightshade" strolls onto the scene, dressed in cow-printed baby blue pajamas. For a supposed 1000 year old vampire fortune teller, she's pretty fit.] "Mistress Nightshade": You asked for this, Tomoko! Did I, or did I not ask you if you were with me on this? Did you or did you not agree to go along with anything I'd do in order to help you get that title around your waist? This is how presidents win elections! This is how the world's greatest leaders rise to power! Tomoko: But you're accusing Jan Delgado of being a man! That wasn't part of the deal! Miyuki wouldn't approve of it, either! This is just baseless mudslinging! [She narrows her eyes and points an accusing finger at Nightshade.] Tomoko: And I keep telling you not to wear that creepy mask around me! [With a sigh, Nightshade whips her mask off, revealing a Japanese girl with a slightly more sinister look than your typical Perfect Girl Evolution member. Her short, spikey hair is dyed auburn and this kitty definitely looks like she has claws. It's the face behind the mask...Hitomi Shimizu.] Hitomi: It's too late now, Tomoko! Once it's out there on the internet, it's there forever! [She turns to the camera with a smile fit for a vile seductress.] Hitomi: We've trended worldwide! "Hashtag Jan is a man", people! Buy the shirt! Donate to the cause on Paypal! Like our Facebook page at www.faceb-Oompf! [Hitomi quickly has a hand clasped over her mouth as Tomoko grabs her in a headlock. She struggles, as Tomoko tries to keep her held down.] Tomoko: Just...just ignore all of this! It's just a terrible, unfunny joke gone too far! I should've kept a better eye on Hitomi, but I was too busy training for our match! Hitomi's even sorry about all of this...aren't you, Hitomi? [Hitomi frees herself enough to shout.] Hitomi: JAN IS ON PEDs!!! Tomoko: STOP THIS! No one believes you! [Fighting off Tomoko, Hitomi pulls out a handful of photos.] Hitomi: I have photographic proof, damnit! Look! Look at that jawline! Look at the size of her forehead! It's about as natural as Holly Hotbody's chest! [Tomoko snatches them out of Hitomi's hand, a look of disgust on her face.] Tomoko: Ugh. I've had enough of this, Hitomi. I've worked too hard and too long just to have you... [She takes a quick glance at the photos...and then does a double take.] Tomoko: ...holy crap. That forehead IS huge. Hitomi: See? See? I'm right! [Tomoko shakes her head furiously.] Tomoko: No! I'm not falling for it! I don't care if she's a man! I don't care if she's a gender-disguised super fraud bulked up on more performance enhancers than all the nominees of a baseball hall of fame ballot combined! That's HER business and you have no right to pry! I'll beat her with my own strength! I'll beat her without the ringbell, the taser baton, OR the shiv! [Hitomi's appalled.] Hitomi: That's crazy talk! [Tomoko grapples with Hitomi for facetime on the camera.] Tomoko: We're sorry about this, Jan...we really are! Hitomi: NO! The truth is out there! HASHTAG JAN IS ON PEEEEEEEDDDDDDDSSSSSS..... [As they grapple, they knock over the camera and the video cuts off. Replay?] |
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| Overly_Critical_Jue | Feb 6 2013, 04:26 AM Post #2 |
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Amigo, I ain't anybody but Juan Vasquez!
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[You click on the "Reply to "TO JAN FRUM TOMOKO" video linked to the video you just watched. It appears it's the next morning. We open to a shot of Hitomi Shimizu, now wearing black-framed glasses and in a bathrobe with a smirk on her face.] Hitomi: Hey everybody, it's me, the super sexy and available, Hitomi Shimizu! You know, with #Janisaman and #JanisonPEDs burning up on the internet and media outlets everywhere, everybody's been talking about and asking, "Where can *I* get awesome Tomoko Honda merchandise like the kind I see on Youtube?" Well folks...what would YOU pay for one of these bad boys? [Hitomi holds up a "DON'T TASE ME, SIS!" tshirt with a female stick figure being electrocuted beneath the stenciling. The very same one that Tomoko was seen wearing.] Hitomi: That's right! The official, Tomoko Honda "Don't Tase Me, Sis!" t-shirt! [She puts her hand over her mouth and mimics a voice.] Hitomi: Hey Hitomi! Where'dyougetthatnewshirtandwhodoyougotheretomodelforit? [She grabs the camera and swings it over...] Hitomi: International supermodel of the year and future MBC Women's champion, herself...Tomoko Honda! [...to the side of the room, where we see Tomoko brushing her teeth through the open bathroom door. She's is in fact, wearing the same thing she wore the night before, turning around and revealing her own "Don't Tase Me, Sis!" tshirt.] Tomoko: Wuh dah haell... [And the camera quickly turns its focus back to Hitomi.] Hitomi: Gorgeous. Freakin' GORGREOUS. Get your Tomoko Honda tshirt for only $20, while supplies last! Order two and you get a "#Janisaman tshirt for free! [Her eyes grow wide as her look becomes slightly more...crazed.] Hitomi: OHMYGOD, PEOPLE...BUY THE SHIRT! BUY THE SHIRT! BUY THE SHIRT! ACK! [The video cuts off in time to see Tomoko shoving Hitomi over with her foot. Replay?] |
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7:19 PM Jul 10